Hey ya'll.

I'm a rather mean person, (well, I'd like to think that) and I don't do well talking about myself. I like lots of random things: clouds, cream, white fluffy stuff... Hmmmm. ICE CREAM!

Anyway, I'm a beta-to-be. Gotta get through that damn waiting period first.

I'm looking for a one or two beta(s) willing to read Unintentional. Contact me! It is sooo freaking hard to find a beta these days. Seriously. First you have to go rummaging through thousands of people. Second, you have to contact all of the ones you like, and cross your fingers for a reply back. Third, double-check to see their 'credentials'. Are their stories really of similar style to your own? People who grasp style is good, but really, in an old account with a different thinking beta, I started to sound bipolar. I was (naturally), always rather angsty and stuff like that. My awesome beta freaking loved dialouge and humor. Not exactly the smooth mix. Far from it. Sounded like I was going on and off crack randomly throughout the story. Not a pretty thought.

Anyhow, I've got this thing for flames. Like em for some reason. Even the really evil, vindictive bitches don't affect little me. Go ahead if you feel like it, I will smile understandingly at your attempt, pat your shoulder awkwardly, and send you off to review someone else.

... or if you really, reeeeally piss me off, I'll flame you back. Nawwww. I'm actually a softy on the inside who likes to act tough. It's fun. Acting tough that is. Acting all prickly and god-damn-it-I-want-you-to-read-my-stories makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Anyway, there is someone out there that has an awesome standard for flames. For this guide, all the credit goes to Dagget!

The Idiot's Guide to Flaming

Here it is ladies and gentlemen. I am going to personally hand out some tips on how to properly flame.

Now I will admit that I've only ever been flamed once, but let me tell you that it was a sore disappointment. I was waiting for my first flame and then when it came, it was a complete flop. I've seen an awful lot of poorly executed flames here and there and I think it's about time that people start spreading the word on proper flaming before one of these idiots hurts themselves. So here are the basic rules:

1) Please have a point. I can't stress this enough people. If you think something sucks, there has to be a reason. If you have no point then there's no point in reading your review.

2) Post some literary venture of your own before you attempt a flame. Think of it as your resume. We need to see some credentials damn it! You can't just walk in off the street! How do we know if you're qualified to be making this judgment? We can't let people go around writing these things all willy-nilly. (If nothing else, it's bad form not to give us something we can flame you back for.)

3) Check your spelling and grammar. There's nothing worse then making a bunch of grammatical errors right in the middle of telling someone else what's wrong with their writing. You lose all credibility. Yeah... You hear that?... They're laughing at you!

4) Do it with style. You've heard the saying, I'm sure. 'If a thing is worth doing it's worth doing well.' If you're actually going to take the time to cut someone down, the least you could do is get their attention. A simple 'duh... it sucks George' is not gonna cut it. Seriously. If you intend to be mean, then at least try to come off like the villain, and not like one of his nameless henchmen. (think scathing)

5) Read summary warnings. Trust me. You don't want to go ripping on people for content that you were clearly warned about. That honestly only makes you look like an idiot. Wait, what's that?... Oh, they're laughing at you again!

6) Throw in some amusing word play. When you step into the arena baby, you want to show off your skills. A truly good flame entertains the crowd. That way people don't just plain hate you outright. You want them to almost look forward to more of your acerbic wit.

There they are. Please feel free to rip them off and post them where ever the hell you like. Don't hesitate to let me know if there's anything that you think should be added to the list as well. I may think of some more later myself. Invariably you think of more of them when you happen to see a poorly executed flame. It's a real problem and we need to get people educated on the issue.
Thank you for taking the time to review the facts.

I'd like to finish with a moment of silence for all the poor, lame little flames out there who never really had a chance...

Most of the time, however, like how I mention in the first chappie of my stories, it's too hard to stay mean and mad at the world.

With that said: Rock on, dudes. Rock on.