JELLO, PEOPLES!

FOR ALL OF MY FATEFULL READERS/FOLLOWERS/MINIONS, I HAVE OFFICALLY DECIDED THAT, AFTER A 2 YEAR VACATION, I'M GOING TO START POSTING AGAIN!!!

FANG: VACATION, HUH? IS THAT WHAT THEY'RE CALLING IT NOW?

ME: SILENCE! I KEEL YOU!!

BUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE A FAN OR A NEW READER...

WELCOME TO ME PROFILE!

NAME: CRAZI FANG

AGE: WELL, I'M A FRESHMAN (BUT NOT FRESH MEAT, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE CANABALISM CHILDREN, AND I'M PRETTY SURE I WOULDN'T BE TOO TASTY, WHAT WITH THE ANEMIA AND ALL) ONCE MORE, SO WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?

GENDER: FEMALE

MAJOR: ENGLISH WITH A

MINOR: IN CREATIVE WRITING

CAREER: (UNPUBLISHED) PROFESSIONAL FICTION NOVELIST. (MAN, THAT'S A TOTAL SHOCKER)

NOW, BEFORE I MOVE ONTO THE PROFILE, I HAVE A LITTLE SUMMARY AS TO WHERE I'VE BEEN FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS.

FANG: I DON'T THINK THEY REALLY CARE.

ME: OH, SHUT UP! IT'S INTERESTING!

SO: QUICK UPDATE:

FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS, I HAVE BEEN TERRORIZING MANY PEOPLE WITH MY GOOD PAL, PARTNER AND CRIME, AND THE ADOPTED PARENT TO OUR CHILD WHO IS TECHNICALLY OLDER THAN US (MORE ON THAT LATER), AND I CAN OFFICALLY SAY THAT I HAVE PRETTY MUCH GOT MOST OF THE ODDNESS OUT OF MY SYSTEM (BUT NOT THE CRAZINESS, BECAUSE THEN I WOULD NO LONGER BE ME NOW WOULD I CHILDREN?). IN THOSE TWO YEARS, ON TOP OF WEIRDING OUT MANY PEOPLE, I HAPPENED TO MEET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, IN A VERY ODD WAY.

FANG: OH, WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR THIS CRAP.

I ASKED HIM WHAT HIS NAME WAS, AND WHEN HE BLEW ME OFF I SAID "HEY ASSHOLE, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

FANG: AND THAT'S NOT THE BEST PART, HE ASKED FOR HER NUMBER.

WHAT CAN I SAY, I'M A CHARMING PERSON. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE CHARM IS NOW ONLY RESERVED FOR MY FIANCE, KIDS, SO THERE WILL BE NO FUNNY BUISNESS ON HERE (AT LEAST WITH ME, NO GUARENTEE FOR MY STORIES, I AM A PROFESSIONAL AUTHOR AFTER ALL, AND THIS IS GOOD PRACTICE FOR THE REAL, SCARY, 50 SHADES OF GREY WORLD OUT THERE).

ANYHOO, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT, BUT, BEFORE WE MOVE ON WITH THE PROFILE, I'VE A LITTLE ANOUNCEMENT TO MAKE:

I AM OFFICALLY IN COLLEGE NOW! THIS MEANS:

1. TOO MUCH CRAP TO DO AND
2. NOT ENOUGH TIME TO DO IT PLUS
3. MY ROOMATE IS AN EMOTIONALY ABUSIVE BAD WORD WHO LIKES TO BULLY ME TO GET HER WAY

SO, I APOLOGIZE IF I DON'T UPDATE FOR A WHILE OR REGULARLY, BUT IF I GO AWOL, I PROMISE IT WON'T BE FOR LONG.

ONE MORE THING: I AM TEMPTED TO NO LONGER CONTINUE WRITNG MR6: SOMEBODY FOR ME AND BEFORE BELLA, AND JUST START OVER WITH A COUPLE OF NEW STORIES.

NOW, BEFORE YOU GRAB YOUR PITCH FORKS AND TORCHES, HERE'S WHY:

WHEN THE TWO STORIES WERE WRITTEN (OR RATHER, WHEN BEFORE BELLA WAS WRITTEN AND MR6 WAS STARTED), I WAS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WRITER. I FEEL THAT MY WRITING HAS MATURED AND THAT THE STYLE HAS CHANGED SLIGHTLY SINCE MY LAST POSTINGS IN THE MENTIONED STORIES, SO, IN ORDER TO MAKE THE NEW SCHTUFF FLOW PROPERLY WITH THE OLD SCHTUFF, I'D HAVE TO COMPLETELY REWRITE THE STORIES. THEREFORE, IN ORDER TO SAVE TIME THAT MY COLLEGE SELF DOESN'T HAVE, I MAY JUST STOP WRITNG THEM.

MESSAGE ME IF YOU HAVE AN OPINION ON THIS.

NOW THAT THIS HAS ALL BEEN SAID: ON WITH THE PROFILE -->

SHTUFF (YES, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SPELLED THAT WAY!) I LIKE:

MAXIMUM RIDE, TWILIGHT, THE GATEKEEPERS SERIES, PEPSI AND PEPSI THROWBACK, DR. PEPPER, COKE, MT. DEW, CREAM SODA, ROOT BEAR, PIE, PIZZA, ICE CREAM, BEN AND JERRY'S VERMONTY PYTHON (ALTHOUGH IT'S A DISCONTINUED FLAVOR), COFFEE, FANFICTION, ZWINKY, ADDICTINGGAMES.COM, WRITING, READING, AND OF COURSE FANG AND IGGY!!

SHTUFF I ABSOLUTLY LOATHE (YES, I STILL SAY LOATHE):

FLAMERS, FAKE CHERRIES, AND (PLEASE DON'T KILL ME) REESES PEANUT BUTTER CUPS (WHAT?! THEY GIVE ME HEADACHES).

WARNING: BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE PROFILE, PLEASE REMOVE ANY SMALL CHILDREN AND SMALL DOGS FROM THE PREMESIS.

THANK YOU.

SOMETHING TO MULL OVER AT NIGHT WHILE YOU LIE AWAKE THINKING UNTIL 4:30 IN THE MORNING:

WHAT IF PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THE MOMENT ARE JUST TO SCARED TO THINK ABOUT WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS?

CHEW ON THAT!

ON WITH THE PROFILE-->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

MORE FUN FACTS:

I HAVE A ROOMATE! HIS NAME IS OLLUP!

SEE, I USED TO HAVE A ROOMATE NAMED BOB WHO HAD A WIFE NAMED BAB AND A SON NAMED OLLUP (SAME DUDE AS MY ROOMATE). BOB LIVED IN MY CLOSET AND GUARDED MY, AHEM, SPECIAL ROOMS WITH HIS TWO PET ROTWILLERS, DE-ABLO AND POPCORN. THEN ONE DAY, MY STEP-DAD WAS CLEANING THE CARPETS IN OUR HOUSE WITH THIS HUGE EVIL CARPET CLEANING MACHINE AND HE CLEANED THE CARPETS IN MY ROOM. I WAS HANGING OUT IN THE KITCHEN WHEN HE WALKS IN: "I KILLED BOB."

"WHAT!?"

"YEAH, HE WAS SITTING ON THE GROUND READING A MAGAZINE AND I TOLD HIM TO MOVE AND HE DIDN'T SO THE CARPET CLEANER SUCKED HIM UP. HIS BODY'S OUTSIDE."

SO I RAN OUTSIDE AND SAW BOB'S COLD, MANGLED, LIFELESS BODY HIS EYES FOREVER OPEN, THE TERROR FILLED EXPRESSION ETERNALLY ON HIS FACE FROM HIS FINAL MOMENTS. THAT WAS LAST SUMMER, HIS FUNERAL WAS ON A SATURDAY. AND THE FILTH-FOUL-FILTHING CARPET CLEANER WALKED FROM HIS TRIAL ON A TECHNICALLITY.

FURTHERMORE, BAB DECIDED THAT SHE COULD NO LONGER LIVE IN THE HOUSE WHERE HER "POOR BOB WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED WITHOUT A PANG OF REMORSE, REGRET, OR A BLINK OF AN EYE", LEAVING ME WITHOUT A ROOMATE.

WELL, OLLUP HAD BEEN IN SWITZERLAND SINCE EARLY 2009 IN A BOARDING SCHOOL BECAUSE HE'S DONE SOME UNSAVORY THINGS (THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN APART OF. I TOLD HIM, 'IF YOUR GONNA ROB A BANK, YOU BETTER BE A FAST RUNNER CUZ THEY GOTS DODGE CHARGER AND MUSTANG COP CARS'...) AND HAD COME DOWN FOR A WEEK A FEW MONTHS PRIOR TO HIS DAD'S (BOB) PASSING. HE LIKED IT AT MY HOUSE AND SAID THAT WHEN HE WAS OUT OF SWITZERLAND HE'D COME LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS AND I. THEN BOB DIED AND HE SAID 'F-YOU' TO HIS BOARDING SCHOOL (AND HEADMASTER EDGAR VON LINCHENSTEIN) AND CAME TO BE MY NEW ROOMATE. AFTER HE MOOVED IN, BAB WENT COMPLETELY INSANE AND HAD TO BE COMMITTED INTO AN INSANE ASYLYM AND MY FRIEND/PARTNER IN CRIME DECIDED THAT WE'D ADDOPT HIM, ALTHOUGH HE'S, LIKE, 10-20 YEARS OLDER THAN US. OH, AND DE-ABLO AND POPCORN STILL HELP HIM GUARD MY SHTUFF ONLY WITH VINNY, THEIR GIRL PUPPY.

THEN, OLLUP WENT BACK TO SWITERLAND FOR A LITTLE BIT TO VIST SOME FRIENDS AND PARTY LIKE IT'S 1985, AND I GOT A NEW BETA PHISH (YES, PHISH, NOT FISH. ONLY COOL FISH'S GET TO BE CALLED PHISH'S) NAMED BOB PERRY CHARLES HERMAN PHISH (BOB P.C. HERMAN PHISH) AND HE WAS MY NEW SECRETARY FOR ABOUT A MONTH BUT THEN HE DIED...

ANYHOO, I'VE GOT OLLUP FOR NOW AND HE HAS MADE AN APPERANCE IN ONE OF MY STORIES (SEE IF YOU CAN FIND HIM)!!!

WELL, ENOUGH ABOUT THAT. CHECK OUT MY 2 STORIES:

BEFORE BELLA

MR6: SOMEBODY FOR ME

BREIF SUMMARIES:

BEFORE BELLA:

THE CULLEN'S LIFE BEFORE BELLA. NEW ORIGINAL CHARECTOR. NEW MONSTERS AND 2 TIMES MORE ACTION THAN THE LEADING SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER! CHECK IT OUT!

MR6: SOMEBODY FOR ME:

THE FLOCK FINDS THEMSELVES IN AN OLD BARN AND MEETS A NEW ORIGINAL CHARECTOR! IGGY/OC! FINALLY, FAX AND NOW IGGY GETS SOME LOVIN' (BECAUSE WE CAN'T FORGET ABOUT THE BLIND GUY)!

TIME TO BE HONEST HERE:

MY POV ON IGGY VS FANG:

TRUTHFULLY, I LOVE FANG BUT IGGY ES WAY MORE AWESOME! HE CAN COOK, MAKE EXPLOSIVES, HAS AWESOME FASHION SENSE (EVEN FOR A BLIND DUDE), AND DID I MENTION HE CAN FLY?! IF I COULD TAKE HIM HOME WITH ME, I'D HELP HIS GET HIS SIGHT BACK AND EVEN IF I COULDN'T I'D STILL HAVE HIS, BLINDNESS AND ALL!

MY POV ON EDWARD VS JACOB:

SCREW EDWARD AND JACOB! I'M TEAM SETH ALL THE WAY!!! AND NO, I'M NOT A PEDAPHILE! THEY JUST GOT SOME 12 YEAR OLD TO PLAY A 14 YEAR OLD IN THE MOVIE!

MY POV ON "FANG":

WORST BOOK IN THE MAXIMUM RIDE SERIES, EVER!!! "ANGEL" IS SECOND, AND THE UPCOMING "NEVERMORE" WILL BE JUDGED HARSHLY.

MY OH SO INFAMOUS PERSONAL QUOTES:

"I'M CRAZI WITH AN 'I'."

"WHOWHATWHENWHEREWHY?"

"ARE YOU POSITIVE ABOUT THE NEGATIVE OR A LITTLE NEGATIVE ABOUT THE POSITIVE?" (OK, I STOLE THIS FROM MY STEP DAD)

"IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP RIGHT NOW I'M GONNA MURDER YOU SO BRUTALLY THAT THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO SHOW YOUR MUTALATED REMAINS ON TV OR MAKE A CSI ABOUT IT!"

"DO NOT MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF DRAGONS FOR YOU ARE CRUNCHY AND TASTE GOOD WITH KETCHUP." (STOLE THIS ONE FROM A BUMPER STICKER THAT I GOT AT EVANGELINES IN OLD SAC)

"SHUT THE -- UP" (YOU KNOW I'M GETTING MAD WHEN I START BLEEPING OUT THE CUSS WORDS)

"THAT FILTH FOUL FILTHING MOTHER FILTHING FOUL SON OF A CHICKEN" (I STOLE 99% OF THIS FROM MY BIO TEACHER FRANKLIN BUT I ADDED THE 'SON OF A CHICKEN' FOR LAUGHS)

"MUTTER MUTTER MUTTER"

"JACOB WAS SHUNNED, EDWARD BECAME THE BANNANA KING, AND BELLA LOST A KIDNEY" (SIRIUSLYADDICTDTOREADING AND I SHARE JOINT CUSTODY OF THIS ONE. AND SPEAKING OF JOINT CUSTODY, KEEP SCROLLING DOWN)

"MUSIC KEEPS ME SANE BUT IF MILEY CYRUS/HANNAH MONTANNA WAS THE LAST MUSICIAN ON EARTH I'D JUST LET MY SELF GO COMPLETELY INSANE"

"MY ROOMATE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU THAT HE'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT IN THE CLOSET"

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE"

"IF THE COPS COME TO MY HOUSE, I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT A CAMEL AND PENGUIN IN MEXICO ON NEW YEARS EVE WITH A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA"

"DO YOU WANT TO BE BURRIED IN MY BACK YARD?"

"I BELONG ON LEVEL 8 ON MY OWN 10 LEVEL AN ATTIC INSANE ASYLM"

"I'M NOT STALKING YOU CUZ I'M TOO BUSY STALKING EVERYONE ELSE"

"PYROMANIAC AT LARGE"

"DON'T MAKE ME START MUTTERING ABOUT CHERRY PUDDING"

THE FINAL FUN FACT:

I HAVE A KID. HIS NAME IS IGGY. DURING SOMETIME IN MIDDLE AUGUST TO EARLY SEPTEMBER MY BFF MOE (SHE'S A GIRL) AND I WERE WALKING TO THE J&J BEFORE SCHOOL WHEN WE SPOTTED A ROCK THAT LOOKED LIKE AN EGG. I PICKED IT UP AND WE GOT THE IDEA THAT IT WOULD BE OUR KID. HIS NAME WAS FIRST EGGY BUT WE CHANGED IT TO IGGY. HE HAS GREEN HAIR AND BLUE EYES. MOE HAD HIM FOR A FEW MONTHS AND EX-MY BF WAS "CHILD PROTECTIVE" SERVICES. HE TRIED TO TAKE IGGY THEN MOE'S EX-BF (MY CUZ) TRIED TO TAKE IGGY AND THEN I DIDN'T SEE IGGY FOR A MONTH AND NOW HE'S BEEN WITH ME EVER SINCE MIDDLE OCTOBER. I HAVE TO GIVE HIM BACK TO HER SOME DAY CUZ HE'S DRIVING ME NUTS!

WE'LL, I GUESS THAT'S ABOUT IT. CHECK OUT MY STORIES, ST. FANG OF BOREDOM'S STORIES AND SIRIUSLYADDICTEDTOREADING'S STORIES. R&R AND TRY NOT TO END UP FRIED AND DIPPED IN KETCHUP OR IN SOMEBODY'S BACKYARD.

SEE YOU IN THE INSANE ASYLM FOR CRAZI, CRAZY, CRAZEE, CRAZIE, CRAZEY, CRAZII, CRAZEA, CRAZEIGH, YNSANE, KRAZY, KRAZEE, KRAZIE, KRAZEY, KRAZII, KRAZEA, KRAZEIGH, CRASEY, KRASEY, AND INSANE PEOPLES. (DON'T ASK...)

E-PEPSI, E-MT. DEW, AND E-COCOCHIP COOKIES FOR ALL,

CRAZI FANG