Update as of January 10, 2012

I feel that I owe all of you an apology for vanishing off the face of FFN for however-long. Truth is, I have little to no interest in fanfiction anymore. I'm twenty now, and starting to feel the effects of real life and actually having to act like a grown up. Kids, this is what being a third-year at university does to you. My writing time is now going into papers, researching, Sociology projects, papers, tests, working for the theatre program and sometimes finding time to spend with my boyfriend. I barely have time to read proper novels, much less write fanfiction based off them. Also, I kinda need a muse to be able to write- and if I'm going to be writing, I'd much rather be writing for an original novel than for a fanfic that will earn me no recognition or money. Originality before fangirl impulses!

I don't know when I'll be back. It may be that Murphy of the self-named law will rock up as soon as I hit "Update Profile" and strike me with inspiration for Strangers From Distant Lands or, if I'm lucky, Castaway. Or (and this is more likely), it may be that I won't be online for months again, if ever. I cannot in good conscience post stories that my heart and soul aren't going into. And so, it is with that word that I hang up my fanfic-writing pen and go back to life outside of Teh Interwebz.

If it makes you feel better, I've not been on deviantART in months either, nor have I been doing much sporking on SFZ. Fanfiction isn't suffering alone! I may still make appearances on these sites, occassionally. And I may, one day, come back to FFN. (I AM trying to work on the next chapter of Strangers From Distant Lands, promise!) But I cannot make any promises right now, and so must needs tell you to brace yourself for the reality that I may never come back to finish what I have begun here.

Been a slice, FFN. Many thanks for the feedback, the lulz, the facepalms, the headbashing and the spork-material.

The Sue Free Zone (If you write a bad fanfic, it will be riffed here.)
DeviantART (Where I post my art and photography. And I do commissions!)
Notebook In Hand (I write. This is where I go for critiquing.)
Axiom Roleplaying (My newest dark master. TOR-era roleplaying of the highest quality! Check it out. "Xaja Taerich")

I do not intend to offend anyone here, merely state my viewpoint. I respect your right to have your opinions, but I expect that you will give me the right to say what I believe in return. These will be controversial and probably offensive to some of you. Don't start yelling "Troll!" after reading these- I have an opinion and Canada permits freedom of speech. If you don't want to be offended, don't read this. If you have a major problem with this, I'm sorry. Viewer discretion is advised.

RANT: Okay, so I'm actually partially retracting this RANT. I've done a lot of thinking about this subject, and I've come to the conclusion that it's just better all around if I do not engage in discussion over it. I'm not sure I agree with homosexuality as a concept, but I do know that homophobia isn't right. In the interests of maintaining good relations with Teh Internets has a collective whole, and because I realize that I actually have no say in whether homosexuality is right or wrong, I am now taking a neutral stance in any future discussions on the subject. I've never purposefully tried to come across as homophobic or as a bigoted, afraid-of-change Christian- but I fear that, unfortunately, that image was projected. This RANT has caused a lot of arguments and I'm aware that I've hurt people- if you are one of those people, I sincerely apologize and ask your forgiveness.

That said, I do have one beef on a related subject to make...

NON CANONICAL PAIRINGS. For the love of all that is holy, OBI-WAN AND PADME WERE NEVER AN ITEM. Nor were Legolas and Arwen. Or Frodo and Sam. Or Merry and Pippin. (Better not be, they're COUSINS.) Or Aragorn and Legolas. Or Obi-Wan and Anakin. Or Will and Jack. Or Mace and Yoda. (Yes, unfortunately, I HAVE seen that one.)

The original authors/scriptwriters/directors put the characters into certain pairings FOR A REASON. To violate them is to violate canon. NO. BAD.

On a related note...

RANT: Okay, so I'm reading some fanfics and I come across... the Mary Sue.

I'm not just talking about the OC's that "mysteriously" get dropped into Middle Earth and steal Legolas' heart upon first glance- or are Galadriel's millionth "other" daughter/Arwen's billionth sister/Frodo's umpteenth adopted sister/etc. I am also referring to the OCs that can't die, have mysterious supernatural powers without limitations, are already natural warriors, and (the bit that PO's me to an extreme) can do it all without even mussing their hair or, Force forbid, actually get wounded or preferably killed. The hell?

Seriously people, no one is perfect, not even an OC. Just because you may wish you were this OC with god-like powers doesn't mean you have to subject us to your fantasies! Mary-Sues and godmodding characters spoil fan fiction almost as much as slashy stories. And don't get me started on the X-rated Sues. The last thing FFN needs is more graphic smut!! We really don't want to hear about your sick fantasies concerning Legolas in bed. The infamous story "Celebrian" and its ripoff "Violation of the Evenstar" are what happens when the smut takes control! I can promise you that, while you may see torture, violence or profanity, you will NEVER see slash or smut in any of my stories. EVER.

I think I have subjected you to this RANT enough... which is why I shall now switch subjects... to...

RANT: Almost as bad as Godmodding Mary Sues and slashy barfness are teh stoorys whith no korekt speelin or graamer!! Now, I know some of you are juniour high students who have no concept of grammar but that is no excuse for horrible writing styles! This particular writer won't even use text speak beyond "lol" and smileys, and texts with obsessively perfect grammar and punctuation.

And don't give me the excuse that you don't know how to spell something. People, this is what they invented "Spell Check" for. On most decent word processors, hit F7. Even if you're on Notepad, grab a dictionary! It's not that hard to have decent grammar in a story! That includes punctuation (y'know, periods (.) and commas (,) and the like) and paragraphs. Stories that are not broken up into nice little managable bite-sized chunks like this RANT are really hard to read!! Each speaker gets their own paragraph in dialogue like this: (I shall steal this from Chapter 3 of "Inner Death")

The two finished the kata, slowly rising from their last stances to the beginning position. Obi-Wan felt a mild wave of surprise when he first realized that everyone else was still stumbling through the other katas, and that Master Drallig had been watching himself and Zara. The Master nodded. “Well done, Zara. One day you’ll be better at that kata then I am.”

Zara blushed. “Never, Master.”

Master Drallig smiled and patted the girl’s shoulder before turning to Obi-Wan. “You didn’t know that last kata?”

Obi-Wan felt the shame roll in again. “No, Master.”

Master Drallig nodded, stone faced. “That can be easily changed. If you can get that last kata to the level of your other katas, you will end up better at that one then your own Master.” He smiled at Obi-Wan’s obvious surprise. “Yes, better then Master Jinn. Don’t tell him I said so, but don’t ever let him attempt to teach you katas fifteen through twenty. If anything, you will learn less.”

“Master Drallig? No offence, but I thought Master Jinn was reputed to be one of the best.”

“Ah, you also have fallen into the myth that Master Qui-Gon Jinn is the epitome of the perfect Jedi?”

“Yes, Master… I’ve never seen him do anything wrong.”

That is a good example of punctuation, grammar, spelling and correct paragraph spacing. I make it a point to go over all my stories before posting them to check for grammar and spelling and whatever, which is something a lot of you should be doing. You know who you are.

Let it be noted- In no way is text speak EVER an acceptable form of writing. EVER.

All right... now for a few fandom-specific RANTS...

RANT: Let's get something straight here. Yoda was NOT Qui-Gon Jinn's Master. COUNT DOOKU was! Everyone get that? Good! Let's not have any more mistaken indentites with other Masters! (And on a related note, Dooku was not evil from the start. He only left the Jedi Order after Qui-Gon's death, which I am still in denial of. Now, Xanatos is a different story...)

RANT: Regardless of what the little brat named Anakin Skywalker got away with, Force-sensitive children were taken from their parents while they were babies. No children over aged one or two could become Jedi. And the Jedi definitely wouldn't try training an adult or an older teen under after Luke Skywalker became head of the Jedi Order and needed all the recruits he could get. So get that idea out of your heads now, people!

RANT: Twilight. Enough said.

RANT: DARTH REVAN IS MALE. THE JEDI EXILE IS FEMALE. SUBJECT IS CLOSED. (And if somebody ever wants to write a story where they actually get shipped before/during the Mandalorian Wars, hit me up and I will love you forever. XD)

RANT: Some of you may be shocked to learn this bit of LOTR-sy information, but here it is: Peter Jackson did NOT create The Lord Of The Rings. That was a BOOK (with pages and covers, and correct spelling and grammer) written by Professor JRR Tolkien of Oxford University after WWII. This means that the movie edition of LOTR is NOT gospel Tolkien truth. I think PJ did a great job with the movies, but he could have done them MUCH better, perhaps including:

1) The existence of Lord Glorfindel (the REAL owner of Asfaloth), the Peredhil twins Elladan and Elrohir, Tom Bombadil, Erestor, Cirdan, Galdor, Gloin the Dwarf, Halbarad, Radagast, and various hobbits, like Fatty Bolger, or a more in-depth look at the Sackville-Bagginses. Betcha didn't know they had a kid named Lotho!

2) All the cheesy Arwen scenes have to go. I'm a total Aragorn/Arwen shipper, but puh-LEEZ! I blame the PJ-version of Arwen for all the super-warrior!Sues on this site. For that matter, I also blame movie-Eowyn for all the wanna-be Shieldmaidens. I believe she was the only true shieldmaiden in all of Rohan, and did not have her own fan club! (And, she and Legolas would never have worked out. EVER. For that matter, neither would Legolas or Arwen. Or ArwenxHaldir. Or anyone else.)

3) Where did Tolkien say Haldir was the all-mighty Marchwarden? He was just a guard of the Lothlorien border! And WHERE did Tolkien imply that Legolas was this sooper-HAWT!!1! Elf who would ever fall for a human girl? The Prince of Mirkwood would NOT go for an idiot hormone-controlled teenager. EVER. So get that idea out of your heads now, people! And... Legolas' last name is NOT "Greenleaf"! "Legolas" is simple the Elven translation of "Greenleaf". His name, written in the equivalent of first-last name format, would be "Legolas Thranduillion", which roughly means "Greenleaf son of Thranduil". And have I mentioned he would never go for a teenage hormone-controlled mortal fangirl??

4) I don't think Boromir was as egotistical in the book as he was in the movie, just a little... mis-guided. He just wanted the Ring to help his country. And he was not the evil creeper I have seen him written as! For all of you Suethors who think Boromir was this evil lunatic who was only after the Ring: BOROMIR IS AWESOME. DEAL WITH IT. And also, Denethor was NOT evil. He was just caught by the Palantir and went mad. I don't think Tolkien would be nearly as impressed with the movie-Denethor as many other people are! (And neither he nor Thranduil were abusive bastards. So shut up.)

5) And, Arwen was the last Elf to ever marry a mortal person. The only half-Elven people in existence were descended from Luthien and Beren, who were the great-grandparents of Elrond and Elros. They (E&E) were granted the choice of immortality along with their parents Earendil and Elwing. Elros chose mortality and became the first Numenorean King. (This makes Arwen Aragorn's cousin, a million generations removed). Elrond chose immortality and served under King Gil-Galad. It is assumed that Elladan and Elrohir chose immortality and became the Lords of Rivendell after Elrond sailed West. Arwen's children were the last half-Elven children in Middle-Earth. There were only 3 human/Elven pairings in existence: Beren and Luthien, Tuor and Idril, and Aragorn and Arwen. Tuor and Idril were the only pair granted immortality. And mortals couldn't choose immortality, like an Elf could opt for mortality, nor could Elves choose mortality- unless they were of Earendil's line. And mortals definitely couldn't just 'become' Elves.

6) There should be pre-requisites for writing Tolkien-based fanfiction, and those pre-requisites should include reading The Silmarillion and The Histories of Middle-earth. If people read those, then they would understand why Elves only marry/have sex with one person throughout their entire lives, the history of The Silmarils and the Noldorin Exile, the history of Morgoth and Sauron, where exactly Dwarves came from, the tale of Numenor, the significance of the tale of Beren and Luthien, and of Gondolin, and of Earendil...

Check your sources, people! PJ's movies don't give the whole story!