BANANAS!! MANGOES!! COFFEE!! AND- Oooh, shiny!

... Welcome to the randomness that is me! Send me your therapy bills, I may consider paying them.

For those of you who are actually interested in learning more about me, I am a 17 (nearly 18!) year old chick from the AMAZING, FANTASTIC, GINORMUS, FABULOUS, COOL (literally!) country of CANADA! (ahem) I stand at the towering height of 5'4" (about 160 cm), with a chunkier build. (It's a common joke around me that I am not overweight, I'm just undertall!) I have shoulder length brown hair that is often in dire need of a haircut and eyes that literally change colour with the light. They used to be green, but now professional make-up artists can't tell what colour they are. The official documentation says hazel, although most days they're nearer to gray. 'Tis weird... Meh.

IMPORTANT: Jesus Christ is my Lord and Messiah and the Son of God, created the world, died and rose again in three days and redeemed me with his own blood, lives forever and I will follow him until the day I die! Yes, I am a JESUS FREAK, and proud of it!!

OTHER BIG NEWS: I got accepted into a Canadian college (Providence Bible College and Seminary) for their Communications and Media program, starting in January!! Yay!! (dances around) ahem...

A bunch of my favorite hobbies include reading and writing, drawing (Yes, I drew my profile picture...), playing guitar, doing karate, hanging out with my friends, traveling around, suffering apiphobia (fear of bees) and arachnaphobia (fear of spiders), and working as a cashier at the local aquatic centre, and as the backup cashier at the local grocery store. Yep, that's me! :)

I highly enjoy rock music, such as Skillet, Kutless, Thousand Foot Krutch, Anberlin, Kids In The Way, As I Lay Dying, Plumb, Flyleaf, Skillet, Fireflight, Disciple, tobyMac, dc Talk, Leeland, Superchick, Minutia Conspiracy, Skillet, P.O.D., Red, KJ-52, Killswitch Engage, Family Force 5, Newsboys, Pillar, Manafest, Forever Changed, Jake, Audio Adrenaline, Switchfoot, Lifehouse, Skillet, Relient K, Arrogant Worms, Coldplay, U2, Bullet For My Valentine, LOTR sound tracks, Riverdance music, and have I mentioned I like Skillet?? :)

I hate country music, some pop music (The Corrs! Gag!) and preppy Disney music. No, I do not mean Lion King soundtracks. I mean Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. Blech. That's not real music and we all know it.

My favorite movies are Lord Of The Rings, the new Narnia movies, The Matrix, the new Star Trek, Pirates Of The Caribbean, Star Wars (I cannot watch the end of TPM when Qui-Gon dies and I just can't watch ROTS, but other then that...) X-Men, good Disney movies (Lion King! Yeah!), the Count of Monte Cristo, Princess Bride, Inkheart, The Labyrinth ... and... yeah... I don't watch very many movies!

I hate any and all 'jumpy' movies. Nuff said. Hangman's Curse was about the worst I can stand! I also HATED Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and all the Dr Seuss movies, plus an overwhelming amount of chick flicks. Gag. I have taken an oath that I will NEVER, EVER, EVER watch Twilight. Read it? Maybe. But I am NEVER watching it. I have better things to do then sit around drooling over that dumb, sparkly creeper of a vampire.

My favorite books: The Bible, ANYTHING by J.R.R. Tolkien or C.S. Lewis, the Inheiritance Cycle (the movie version of Eragon SUCKED!), ANYTHING by Frank Peretti or Ted Dekker, (Or better, co-authored! Yay for creepy books! Not the movies so much though...), the Jedi Apprentice series, some Harry Potter, Dee Henderson, Tim Downs and a gazillion others... (NOTE: I have a reputation: I read the entire Lord Of The Rings trilogy in SIX (yes, SIX) days when I was in Grade 7. They who do not believe me can take it up with my mother, who is a very reliable witness.)

Any books I didn't like? Hmm, probably just some random ones from my town's library that were written a million years ago...

Somewhat Important Fanfiction Stuffs: Here is a list of the fanfics I have written, by fandom. Sequels may be written for some of them, particularly "Seriously?". Anything in italics is a "work in progress" fic. Anything in (brackets) is a plot bunny that I may or may not write... Let me know what you think of those!

And please, if you read and liked any of these fics (or even if you didn't like them) send me a review! They make my day! I'll even take constructive criticisms, because we all know I am not the most perfect writer out there, and I can always use the tips you may have for me! Don't bother sending me a flame though. I eat flamers for breakfast. And I will most likely laugh at you publicly in the next chapter. If you want to archive any of my stories, go ahead! Just PLEASE let me know first so I know where it is :)

IMPORTANT, ALTHOUGH UNWANTED, NOTICE: Much though it shames me to say this... Unless I get a break from Darth Real Life long enough to catch my muse and write anything, all of these stories are ON HIATUS until furthur notice. My apologies to all those who are banging their heads on their keyboards right now wondering where the updates are... none of them will be making an appearance for quite a while, as I am succumbing to the effects of having two jobs, karate class, college starting in January and an Original Fiction that is trying to be ressurected. The last chapter of "Seriously?" pretty much describes my current situation. I promise, I'll try to get these off hiatus when I can!

Lord Of The Rings:
Seriously? Why Me? (plus sequels)
Through A Ranger's Eyes
Wait A Minute! You're Not Frodo!

(Navigationally Challenged)
(Where ever I send Chanie, currently undetermined. It won't be a LOTR fic though.)
(Something concerning Elrond's eyebrows of DOOM! haha... don't mind me...)
(Loss (Or, Too Young To Go))

Star Wars:
Inner Death
Technologically Cursed
Missing

(Thinking about a X-over with another fandom for Qui and Obi. Yell if you have ideas.)
(A challenge submitted by Darth KenObi-Wan... once I get inspiration for it...)
(Darth Mary-Sue)
(Legolas and Obi hiding from rabid fangirls. Nuff said)
(A Cin/Zara centric story. Check out the poll.)

Jedi Apprentice:
Hiccups (Plus sequels, if I get enough ideas for crazy hiccup cures ;) )

Outsiders:
Believe

(All I Have Left)
(Monster)
(Driving Lessons)

My favorite fandoms, as you may have guessed, are Lord Of The Rings, Outsiders, Star Wars and Jedi Apprentice. I also love the Chronicles of Narnia series (or at least I did until I found all the Peter/Susan pairings... Ick!) and I like Redwall and Harry Potter. However, I will read/beta other fandoms on request, as long as someone tells me the background stories to the fandoms so I have some idea what I am reading. :)

My OC's for all my stories are as follows and I quote:

Aerin (AJ)- LOTR Fandom: Chantania's cousin. Aerin got dragged through the Portals into Rivendell, the night before the Council of Elrond, and was voluntold into the Fellowship. Short, skinny, red-brown hair (dyed black when she left our world), green eyes. Emo. Hates Legolas like the plague.

Chantania (Chanie)- LOTR/? Fandoms: Aerin's cousin. Tall, slender, blonde hair, brown eyes. Fell through another Portal just before the Fellowship attempted to cross Caradhras. Stayed with the Fellowship until Lothlorien. Was told by Lady Galadriel that she was needed in another world. Left Lothlorien through a Portal... into an unidentified world.

Padawan Zara Taerich- SW Fandom: One of Obi-Wan Kenobi's good friends. Very petite human, red hair, green eyes. Padawan to Cin Drallig. Very skilled in combat training. Green lightsabre. Has often been mistaken for a 10-year old, although she is 14, much to her chagrin.

Knight Aerdna Esniki- SW Fandom: One of the Jedi sent to accompany Qui-Gon and Cin in "Missing." Human, average height and build, brown hair, gray eyes. Most skilled in stealth training. Blue lightsabre.

Korra and Gorig the Hutts- SW Fandom: The bad guys in "Missing". In charge of a crime ring involving slave trade into and from the spice mines of Ylesia. Also hold influence in Nar Shadda.

Dorlea- SW Fandom: A fellow prisoner in the spice mines with Obi-Wan and Zara in "Missing". Surrendered a child to the Jedi 13 or 14 years beforehand.

Master Tsaren- SW Fandom: Obi-Wan and Co.'s humanities teacher. Only appears in "Technologically Cursed".

"Why is Cin Drallig not on this list, Xaja?" Well, I shall tell you why not. Cin is, in fact, a canon character from ROTS. Look him up on Wookiepedia if you don't believe me. However, since he only appears for about 3 seconds in the movie and a bit longer in the video game, which I have not played, I am taking many creative liberties with him. I have seen him in other fics on this site, but not many. If you see him anywhere else, give me a holler so I can check them out!

And I think that's it for my OC's... I'll update if I think of any more that I missed!

All right, here is where I subject you to my fanfic pet peeves, known affectionatley as RANTS. If you want to borrow/steal this idea to use in your own profile for fanfic pet peeves, or even just copy-paste these RANTS, feel free! Please be warned, I was probably in a very bad mood when writing most of these, so the language/content may be offensive to some readers. I do not intend to offend anyone, merely state my viewpoint. I respect your right to have your opinions, but I expect that you will give me the right to say what I believe in return. These will be controversial. And unless I get a warning from Administration, these RANTS are not coming off my profile. If you don't want to be offended, don't read this. PM me if you want to chat and discuss my viewpoints, as well as give your own. Viewer discretion is advised.

RANT: What is with all the Yaoi and Yuri stories out there? Seriously, if I want to find a cute romantic pairing and try look it up, every other story in that genre is SLASH! Not cool! I find the acts of homosexuality to be remarkably unatural, disgusting, creepy, yada yada yada. I wouldn't be posting this RANT if I did not believe it was a serious problem. If it were only one or two slash stories that I'd seen in all of Fanficdom, I wouldn't have nearly as much of an issue. HOWEVER, this is an epidemic!!

Don't get me wrong, I do NOT hate homosexual PEOPLE. I understand that there are probably a lot of homo/bi-sexual people reading this and getting really ticked off at me. I do, however, disapprove of the CONCEPT of homosexuality. There are a whole list of Scriptures that point out how un-cool it is. People were created to be Man/Woman, NOT m/m or w/w. If God wanted people to be homosexual, he would have made Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve. There are two seperate sexes for a reason! Guys and girls are biologically designed specifically for each other, not for other memebers of the same sex. Comme ca?

I understand that you have the right to be gay. I respect that. And I expect that you will give me the right to protest. I know I have just offended a lot of people by saying this, but SO WHAT? To me, silence of an issue is acceptance, and I will never accept homosexuality. Tough luck. Don't yell at me for this, it's a free country! (And, I don't need a government to legalise what I do in a bedroom! Another point for straightness!) There are other straight authors on this site who agree with me and really do not want to know what sick ideas swarm in your minds when you think about the characters!

Oh yeah, and add the fact that most of these original authors/writers did NOT intend for there to be slashy relationships between characters, and my arguments are well-founded. J.R.R. Tolkien would spin in his grave if he knew about the Legolas/Aragorn pairings! (Or the Legolas/Haldir, or Aragorn/Frodo, or Merry/Pippin, or Frodo/Sam...) And what do you think Lucas would do if he read a Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan fic, or Obi/Anakin? Or SE Hinton with the Darry/Pony pairings, or Soda/Steve, or Johnny/Dally?? (Add that Pony and Darry are brothers, and it just gets worse!!) Yeeeeaaaah, that's what I thought! Ick!

Oh heck. While I'm on this subject, SMUT is almost as bad!! We don't need a biological lesson in what goes on behind closed doors, either with straight or gay pairings! Graphic detail is... (gag) Seriously?? You HAVE to go into detail about what you'd do with Legolas if you had the chance?? We don't want to see crap like that! (Smutty stories lead to porn, porn leads to violent porn, violent porn leads to sexual predators and stuff like that)

And all the incest crap... "Twincest" should never have been invented!! (LOTR readers know what I'm talking about) And I used to love the Narnia fandom until I found all the Peter/Susan pairings! Gag!! It's bad enough when it' a brother and sister pairing, but when it's two brothers... GAH! There is a reason incest is still illegal in most self-respecting countries! (Although, same countries also legalized homosexuality, so I guess that says a lot about our overall national IQ's...)

(bangs head against wall) Does EVERYONE on FFN have their mind in the gutter??

RANT: OK, so I'm reading some fanfics and I come across... the Mary Sue. (cue bloodcurdling scream)

I'm not just talking about the OC's that "mysteriously" get dropped into Middle Earth and steal Legolas' heart upon first glance. (Besides, girls... He's MY Elf. Not yours! Same applies for Obi-Wan Kenobi!! Honestly, what is with all the OC's stealing MY boys?! (furtive glance) ahem...) I am also referring to the OCs that can't die, have mysterious supernatural powers without limitations, are already natural warriors, and (the bit that PO's me to an extreme) can do it all without even mussing their hair or, Force forbid, actually get wounded or preferably killed. WTF?!

Seriously people, no one is perfect, not even an OC. Just because you may wish you were this OC with god-like powers doesn't mean you have to subject us to your fantasies! Mary-Sues and godmodding characters spoil fan fiction almost as much as slashy stories! And don't get me started on the X-rated Sues!! GAH!! The last thing FFN needs is more graphic smut!!

To be honest, no one is free of this plague. "Seriously?"'s star AJ is a little bit of this type of OC... mind, just a little!! She's a short skinny Emo teen, deals with, ahem, 'girl issues' (AND ANOTHER THING!... Gals, we all have experienced that 'time of the month', unless you happen to be a mutant. If your not a mutant, you're probably butch. And who in their right mind thinks Legolas is gonna go for that?? Even Elven ladies go through that cycle to produce little Elves. It makes your OC sooooo much less of a Mary Sue if you add normal biology!! Sorry for subjecting you to that, guys.) and hates Legolas like the plague. She ain't a Mary Sue!!

I think I have subjected you to this RANT enough... which is why I shall now switch subjects... to...

RANT: Almost as bad as Godmodding characters and slashy barfness are teh stoorys whith no korekt speelin or graamer!! Now, I know some of you are juniour high students who have no concept of grammer (I just finished high school, don't get too mad at me) but that is no excuse for horrible writing styles! This particular writer won't even use standard chat lingo on MSN beyond "lol" and smileys. Just ask Kaisaan Greenleaf.

And don't give me the excuse that you don't know how to spell something like "especially"! People, this is what they invented "Spell Check" for!! On Microsoft Word, go up to "Tools", and scrool down a hair until you hit "Spelling and Grammar" or something like that. Or, even easier, hit F7!! It's not that hard to have decent grammar in a story! That includes punctuation (y'know, periods (.) and commas (,) and the like) and paragraphs. Stories that are not broken up into nice little managable bite-sized chunks like this RANT are really hard to read!! Each speaker gets their own paragraph in dialogue like this: (I shall steal this from Chapter 3 of "Inner Death")

The two finished the kata, slowly rising from their last stances to the beginning position. Obi-Wan felt a mild wave of surprise when he first realized that everyone else was still stumbling through the other katas, and that Master Drallig had been watching himself and Zara. The Master nodded. “Well done, Zara. One day you’ll be better at that kata then I am.”

Zara blushed. “Never, Master.”

Master Drallig smiled and patted the girl’s shoulder before turning to Obi-Wan. “You didn’t know that last kata?”

Obi-Wan felt the shame roll in again. “No, Master.”

Master Drallig nodded, stone faced. “That can be easily changed. If you can get that last kata to the level of your other katas, you will end up better at that one then your own Master.” He smiled at Obi-Wan’s obvious surprise. “Yes, better then Master Jinn. Don’t tell him I said so, but don’t ever let him attempt to teach you katas fifteen through twenty. If anything, you will learn less.”

“Master Drallig? No offence, but I thought Master Jinn was reputed to be one of the best.”

“Ah, you also have fallen into the myth that Master Qui-Gon Jinn is the epitome of the perfect Jedi?”

“Yes, Master… I’ve never seen him do anything wrong.”

(If you want to find out all of what's going on, go read the freakin' story and review it!)

That, children, is a good example of PUNCUATION, SPELLING, GRAMMAR, and PARAGRAPH SPACING!! I make it a point to go over all my stories before posting them to check for grammer and spelling and whatever, which is something a lot of you should be doing!! You know who you are!!

And text speak does NOT, I repeat NOT, count as good writing!! I have seen entire PROFILES written in ABSOLUTLEY HORRIBLE Mary-Sue worthy text speak!! I don't think you want your readers' eyeballs to bleed all over their keyboards, do you??

RANT: flipping through fics... sees a good looking summary... is turned off by the over-abundance of profanity...

Yes, I am referring to the EXCESSIVE SWEARING used in fanfics! I'm not perfect either, but I will not have f--, s-- or similar words every other sentence!! The worst I will ever use will be 'damn' (see: "Seriously?") or various other curses specific to a certain world (ie "Sithspit!). I don't use words like that in real life unless I have a VERY good reason to (ie blood gushing all over the place, computer crashing in the middle of a chapter, etc), and I'd appreciate people using that same restraint in their writing! There are impressionable juniour high students on this site, please try not to completley traumatize them before they hit high school!

RANT: I realize not everyone on FFN is a perfect little angel, Force knows I'm not. However, that does NOT give you reviewers license to go around and diss other writer's work out of spite! Just because the story sucked (and I have found stories that were truly horrible, but I shall not mention them) doesn't give you a reason to trash the writer! A bunch of said writers are newbies to the site, and have yet to figure out what a good plotline entails, or what good grammer is! (Either that, or you flamers are jealous because the story's better then anything YOU could have written. Youknow who you are.) If you don't like the story, then for the love of all things sacred DON'T READ IT!! And if you must flame, DON'T throw it into a review where other readers will see it! This is what PM's are for!

Not every writer is going to be the next Tolkien. Not everyone has perfect grammer or fantastic plotlines. This is NOT a reason for you to go around trashing beginning writers! I have never written a flame before (Constructive criticisms, yes. Flames, no.) and I bloody never will!! I always soften my critiques by mentioning good points about the story that I liked, and I know other people should take it upon themselves to do the same! How will these "horrible" writers learn to write better if they don't learn from a helpful source?? And no, bashing their story into the ground does not count as a "helpful source"!!

Oh yeah... and trolls... Don't get me started on you! Is it your life's mission to go about creating controversy with every moment you spend on the Internet? GROW UP!! We have better things to do then read a flame from you, or have you go around, tattling to other authors (or, heaven forbid, Administration) about the stupidest things, posting offensive comments on your profiles or other crap like that? Do you not have a life outside of FFN??

(Why don't I count as a troll? I am not out to offend people. I am only stating my beliefs, which my country says I am allowed to have. Or did North America become a dictatorship overnight?? Anyways, I am not attacking certain individuals on this site. I am not trying to cause trouble. I merely cannot stay silent on issues I feel strongly about. If you did get offended by something I have said on here, I'm sorry. But there's not much I can do about that. PM me if you're really ticked off, we can chat and I can explain why I feel the way I do.)

All right... now for a fandom-specific RANT...

RANT: Let's get something straight here. Yoda was NOT Qui-Gon Jinn's Master. COUNT DOOKU was! Everyone get that? Good! Let's not have anymore mistaken indentites with other Masters!

RANT: Some of you may be shocked to learn this bit of LOTR-sy information, but here it is: Peter Jackson did NOT create The Lord Of The Rings. That was a BOOK (with pages and covers, and correct spelling and grammer) written by Professor JRR Tolkien of Oxford University after WWII. This means that the movie edition of LOTR is NOT gospel Tolkien truth. I think PJ did a great job with the movies, but he could have done them MUCH better, perhaps including:

1) The existence of Lord Glorfindel, the Peredhil twins Elladan and Elrohir, Tom Bombadil, Erestor, Cirdan, Galdor, Gloin the Dwarf, Halbarad, Eothain the Rider of Rohan, Radagast, and various hobbits, like a more in-depth look at the Sackville-Bagginses.

2) All the cheesy Arwen scenes have to go. I'm a total Aragorn/Arwen shipper, but puh-LEEZ! I blame the PJ-version of Arwen for all the super-warrior!Sues on this site.

3) For that matter, I also blame movie-Eowyn for all the wanna-be Shieldmaidens. I believe she was the only true shieldmaiden in all of Rohan, and did not have her own fan club! (And, she and Legolas would never have worked out. EVER.)

4) Where did Tolkien say Haldir was the Marchwarden? He was just a guard of the Lothlorien border!

5) And WHERE did Tolkien imply that Legolas was this sooper-HAWT!!1! Elf who would ever fall for a human girl? The Prince of Mirkwood would NOT go for an idiot hormone-controlled teenager. EVER. So get that idea out of your heads now, people!

6) I don't think Boromir was as egotistical in the book as he was in the movie, just a little... mis-guided. And not the evil creeper I have seen him written as!

7) And Denethor was NOT evil. He was just caught by the Palantir and went mad. I don't think Tolkien would be nearly as impressed with the movie-Denethor as many other people are!

8) Saruman and Wormtounge actually didn't die at Orthanc. They died after trying to take over the Shire.

9) Legolas' last name is NOT "Greenleaf"! "Legolas" is simple the Elven translation of "Greenleaf". His name, written in the equivalent of first-last name format, would be "Legolas Thranduillion", which roughly means "Greenleaf son of Thranduil".

10) If you're gonna write a LOTR fic, 10th Walker or not, PLEASE research the story first! Movie marathons don't count!

11) And, Arwen was the last Elf to ever marry a mortal person, and she became mortal so she could be with him. The only half-Elven people in existence were descended from Luthien and Beren, who were the great-grandparents of Elrond and Elros. They (E&E) were granted the choice of immortality along with their parents Earendil and Elwing. Elros chose mortality and became the first Numenorean King. (This makes Arwen Aragorn's cousin, a million generations removed). Elrond chose immortality and served under the king Gil-Galad of the Elves. It is assumed that Elladan and Elrohir chose immortality and became the Lords of Rivendell. Arwen's children were the last half-Elven children in Middle-Earth. There were only 3 human/Elven pairings in existence: Beren and Luthien, Tuor and... someone else, whose name I don't remember since I don't have a copy of The Silmarillion in my hand, and Aragorn and Arwen. Tuor and his Elven lady were the only pair granted immortality. No one else! Including OCs! And mortals couldn't choose immortality, like an Elf could opt for mortality!!

12) Betcha didn't know Elrond and Gandalf had the other two Elven Rings of Power, along with Galadriel. Betcha didn't also know Galadriel came across the Western Sea from Valinor after the Kinslaying of the First Age. :)

13) And for the love of the Valar, at least check with the books to make sure your spelling is correct!! GAH!!

Check your sources, people! PJ's movies don't give the whole story!

You knew it was inevitable... Here come the copy-paste thingers!!

"Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup!"

If ever you find yourself talking, and then suddenly you realize that you don't know what you are saying, copy and paste this into your profile

God totally owns fanfiction, everyone on it, every thought concerning it, every thought otherwise in the world, every particle in the world and universe, Is and loving and amazingly forgiving (takes a dramatic gasp of air and continues) has power and wisdom beyond even our wildest dreams, and DOES EXIST . If you agree, please, do copy and paste.

You don't have to be a twig to be beautiful. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.

If ever you have spent a day looking for a particular word, and when someone mentions it you dramatically slap your forehead and yell "OOOHHH!! That's the word I was looking for!", copy and paste this into your profile.

No event is complete without theme music. If you have ever started humming/singing your own theme music, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people don't like you the way you are, then by golly that's their problem. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.

The laws of physics often are frustrating, hard to break, and often involve pain when it comes to gravity. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are one of those poor souls who have challenged the laws of physics...Proudly copy and paste this into your profile!

The more the merrier! If you can make friends regardless of if they are brown, black, red, white, or green (wierd but hey, green people are people too!), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are one of the proud teens/adults who have a v-o-c-a-b-u-l-a-r-y and do not limit themselves to "omg!" and "Like, that is, like, so, like, totally awsome...!". copy and paste this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If reading is a buzzilion times better than watching brain-numbing TV, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you use words like "buzzilion", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are never too old to be young at heart, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend time reading such things as these and find the as intriguing as I, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you've ever gotten annoyed with all of these 'copy and paste this into your profile' sayings, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile

I don't write slash! if you don't write slash, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this to your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile.

If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you think Twilight has more fame than it's worth, copy this into your profile

If you hate racism, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you like accents, copy and paste this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever forgotten your name while introuducing yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

Even when you can't sense him GOD is there! If you belive in GOD, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with over 30 characters from books...copy and paste this on your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a person who hasn't yet converted to rap music and likes rock still, put this into your profile.

If you think High School Musical is not a real musical, copy this into your profile

If you think High School Musical is evil,and brainwashes little kids,copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think High School Musical just plain sucked and every copy should be burned, copy and paste this to your profile
COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND CONTINUE THE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL SUCKS TRAIN! ADD YOUR NAME AND COPY AND PASTE! Stephanie Pascal, x Rajah x, Darth KenObi-Wan, JediWolfMaster,EwanLuvr4Ever, Xaja Silversheen

If you think the Eragon movie was horrible, that the book was WAY better, and that the person who wrote the script should be tortured in some horrid manner (use your imagination), copy and paste this to your profile and add you name to the list; Akira'kitana, kalyn19, plungers-rock-my-socks bookworm 2011, Grayhart, Mary Gooby, nightstarz, Xaja Silversheen

If you utterly loathe and dispise Hannah Montana, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list! PorcelainHeart94, Darth KenObi-Wan,JediWolfMaster,EwanLuvr4Ever, Xaja Silversheen

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliché, Katie-3llen rideralex, Jedi Knight of Middle-Earth, PorcelainHeart94, Darth KenObi-Wan, ObiBettina7,EwanLuvr4Ever, Xaja Silversheen

If you believe that life starts at the moment of conception and that abortion is therefore immoral, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Obiwanlivesforever, Xaja Silversheen

The "You no like, you no read" club: If you believe that people who don't like someone's story should simply not read it instead of posting cruel and hateful reviews, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Alicia's Purple Velvet Purse, changelingchild, crimsonchidori, SasukeSakuraxXXxItachiSakura, cherryredblossom, BLOSSOMHEARTXOXO, CrUsHeD CaNdY kIsSeS, fairy246, Kaisaan Greenleaf, Xaja Silversheen

If you believe Jesus is the only way to be saved from your sins and is the only way to God, and therefore Heaven, copy and paste this onto your profile and add your name to the list: Kaisaan Greenleaf, Xaja Silversheen

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren’t, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienal, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, SamanthaFantasyFan, The-Good-Die-Alone, Daughter of a Renegade, Whistlesong of Icefang, Rushingriver, Kaisaan Greenleaf, Xaja Silversheen

I have a one-time gift. A beautiful gift that many people are ridiculed for in this day and age. A precious gift that many people throw away. It's called "virginity", and I plan to not waste it on some jerk of a boyfriend who's just gonna dump me later. I choose to be faithful to my future husband, the man who will love me for the rest of my life, and to wait for the wedding day!! If you have chosen to save your one-time gift and are PROUD of your purity, paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Dearheart, Destiny J. Adams, Siberian Christmas, Annabell Mor'Loki, Kaisaan Greenleaf, Xaja Silversheen

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be? Here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5.When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool..
Scene-- Band/Artist--Song Title
1. Opening Credits: Troubled Heart- Kutless
2.Waking up: Sorrow- Flyleaf
3.First Day of College: Take A Ride- Jake
4.Falling in Love: Favorite Disease- Thousand Foot Krutch
5. Kiss Scene: Hide Away- Winter's Longing
6.Fight Song: Suddenly- tobyMac
7. Breaking Up: Cycle Down- Skillet
8. Graduating College: Falling Inside The Black- Skillet
9. Big Break: Wondering- The Minutia Conspiracy
10. Mental Breakdown: Come On To The Future- Skillet
11. Driving Song: Kountry Gentleman- Family Force 5
12. Flashback: Pressing On- Relient K
13. Getting back together: My Own Enemy- Thousand Foot Krutch
14.Wedding: Stand Up- Fireflight
15. Birth of Child: Rawkfist- Thousand Foot Krutch
16. Paying Dues: Up Comes Down- Thousand Foot Krutch
17. Moment of Triumph: Flammable- Paramedic
18. Final Battle: Worth It All- Disciple
19. Death Scene: Into The West (LOTR soundtrack)
20. Funeral Scene: Make Me A Believer- Thousand Foot Krutch
21. End Credit: Kite- U2

I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude

I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I’m WICCAN/PAGAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer

I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress

I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass

I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian

I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual

I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict

I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian

I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie

I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs

I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math

I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare

I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist

I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic (i'm actually part Irish, but still)

I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi (Again, only part German...)

I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore

I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy

I have A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them all

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd

I have GREEN SKIN so I Must be a witch

I'm often HYPER so I MUST be on drugs

~STOP STEREOTYPES! IF YOU HATE STEREOTPYES AND WANT THEM TO STOP, COPY THIS LIST INTO YOUR PROFILE AND ADD ANY MORE STEREOTYPES YOU'VE HEARD. Bold are the ones that apply to me.

1. Can a pizza get to your house faster then the cops.

2. Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counter.

3. Do we put cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

4. Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

5. Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we don't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

"REMEMBER WHEN"

REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
'm 0 m' (was your hero)
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now

This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been killed in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking God for her safety, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what,
and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you.

Code of the (FanFiction) Author -

I pledge to do the following within the best of my ability in order to keep my online readers from going bald and collecting bruises on their foreheads.

1) I will always read over my work before posting it so as not to subject anyone to the horrors of grammar really bad, badd spillang messtikes, adn ovbious tpyos.

2) I will not use cht spk 2 rite my fics N lol!

4) I will never have more than three stories going at once. The fact that I don't know where three is supposed to go when counting to ten means nothing.

5) I will always try to keep all of the characters in character, but the emo kid is still going to chase after rainbows and have a smile brighter than the sun because he was totally like that in the canon.

6) I will make sure that any OC's I create are well thought out, have their own personality, and most importantly, aren't Mary Sues; but can I really be blamed if they're just so gosh darn adorable and perfect in every way?

7) I will keep my Author Notes short, and not blather about something for a ridicules amount of time. It's really annoying when people do that, you know? Just continue to rant about something no one actually cares about. I can't believe some authors think that someone is going to bother reading something that is like a hundred paragraphs long and can just be skipped over. I mean, people don't have to read them to understand the story, so why keep talking about something that no one cares about? It's not going to get read and it's just a waste of time to type it all out if nobody reads it. They just keep rambling on and on and on. It makes you want to tear your hair out and bang your head against the computer desk. So why do they do that? I don't know, I'm just glad that I don't ramble on like that.

8) I will not claim that I own any of the books, shows, or games that I write fanfiction for; but only because I can't afford to get sued, not in this economy anyway.

9) I will never rushtheendofastory.

10) I will always complete my fics. Even if it takes me months to update a story, I will never leave a story unfin... To Be Continued Never

I think these are great comebacks if you are being hassled to do sex or are just being hassled to date/go out with someone!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy, I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy, please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mummy, tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy, why'd it have to be me, no one deserves this
Mummy, warn the others, mummy, I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy, I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy, I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy, listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy, I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy, tell my Chris
I'm sorry, but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy, I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy, all I wanted to say is "Mummy, I love you"

~ In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "Goodbye"

Stupid Labels:

On a Myer's hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Darn, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase nessasary! Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well, duh! A bit late for that huh?)

On Marks and Spencer Bread pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (And you thought...)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Right. We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts!)

On Nytol Sleeping Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One can only hope!)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As oppossed to... what?)

On packets of Nobby's Peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash!)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On T-Rat (Military food):
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (Umnn yeah... isn't military also human)

Things To Ponder:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

I used to be normal, until I meet the freaks I call my friends.

I ran with scissors and lived!

So, what's the speed of dark?

How come abbrivated is such a long word?

Since light travels faster then sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with 'Quit while you're ahead'?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

If you had a fire in an igloo, would it melt?

Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?

If it's illegal to drink and drive then why do bars have parking lots?

Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game' when we're already there?

Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are dead?

Can you cry underwater?

How important does a person have to be before they're considered assasinated instead of just murdered?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

- Trendy, "hip", immodest clothes that make boys drool all over you (yeeugh)

- Empty-headed fangirls who only like Narnia, Harry Potter, and LotR because of William Moseley (or Ben Barnes, eesh), Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Elijah Wood and Orlando Bloom

- Twilight zombies who worship the series like their Bible and drool over that dumb, sparkly Gary Stu of a vampire

- When people lump Twilight and Harry Potter in the same category

- People who automatically stick the label "homophobic" on you whenever you disagree with homosexuality

The Narniac's Creed

I believe in a Lion named Aslan
Who died and rose again
For a greedy child like me.

He is good but not safe,
And the bigger I grow,
The bigger He becomes

At Aslan's roar, even the trees bow down.
Yet He comes to romp and play
With any who will join Him.

He has another name in our world.
And by knowing Him a little in Narnia,
I know Him better here.

He's not a tame Lion, it's true.
But when I am thirsty,
There is no other stream.

So I will take the adventure that Aslan sends,
And whether I live or die,
He will be my good Lord,

Until further up and further in
I finally reach His true country
And leave the shadowlands behind.

--"The Narniac's Creed", from ROAR: A Christian Family Guide to the Chronicles of Narnia

I am the girl...that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, a nerd, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading

who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with magic, who can express herself better with words than without words, and knows the importance of the little things.

Copy and Paste this onto your account if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.

A Dads Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow.

Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.

Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.

Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats. one by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare. each of them was searching, for a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out.

"She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say, "Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her, she smiled up at her Mom and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. "Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life. Doing what was best for her, doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far. You see he was a fireman and died just this past year when airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."

And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day. And to her mother’s amazement, she witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out.

And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt. Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.

1. Do not introduce fictional charecters in public.

2.Do not talk to fictional characters in public.

3.Do not answer fictional characters in public.

4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public

5. Do not go out in public.

6. Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4.

7.Note expressions.

8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9.Floor is slippery when wet.

10.Lake is slippery when dry.

11.Only talk to strangers you know.

12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.

13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.

14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15.Kill them for security purposes.

16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18.The men in white coats are not your friends.

19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.

20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24.Always remember, um... um... Damn.

25.Train army of flying monkeys.

26.Goldfish don't like milk.

27.Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28.Find out who invented the word "pianist".

29.People are staring at you…

30. …So act insane.

31.People are weird, but not as weird as me.

32.Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.

33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible.

35.You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Stalking you.

36.Never pet a burning dog.

37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.

38.Naked men dig parkas.

39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

40.You know what would look good on you?

41.Immolated cockroaches.

42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43.The size of Danny DeVito.

44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. O~O

45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46.Stalking is fun. Do it more.

47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"

48.No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.

49.That way is rum.

50.Constipated people don't give a care.

52.You cannot kill the snow.

53.The snow can kill you.

54.Grass can also kill you.

55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...

56.Catch the leprechaun.

57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.

58.Staple paper in the middle of the page.

59.In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

60.You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61.Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.

62.Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.

63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.

65.Remember to kill HIM...

66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67.Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.

70.Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions.

71.Eat the evidence.

72.But not if it's broken glass.

73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.

74.Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.

75.Disregard last note.

76.Note reactions.

77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

78.Stock up on ball point pens.

79.Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

81.Do not stick fingers into blender.

82.Blender... Bad... Ouch.

83.Blood loss is bad.

84.Find way to re-attach fingers.

85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86.Answer every question with a question.

87.Ask people what gender they are.

88.Note reactions.

89.Refer to people as "mortal".

90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92.Start by drowning them in fire ants.

93.Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94.Kill them.

95.Brutally.

96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

97.Dunk head in boiling water.

98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.

99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling!

100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

All right, I promise I'm finished with the copy-pasting!! Honest! Unless I see some more good ones... (ducks swat) Hey!!

Anyways, enjoy my stories, and please review any that you like, even if they were completed a million and four years ago or whatever. Later! :)