Update as of January 10, 2012

I feel that I owe all of you an apology for vanishing off the face of FFN for however-long. Truth is, I have little to no interest in fanfiction anymore. I'm twenty now, and starting to feel the effects of real life and actually having to act like a grown up. Kids, this is what being a third-year at university does to you. My writing time is now going into papers, researching, Sociology projects, papers, tests, working for the theatre program and sometimes finding time to spend with my boyfriend. I barely have time to read proper novels, much less write fanfiction based off them. Also, I kinda need a muse to be able to write- and if I'm going to be writing, I'd much rather be writing for an original novel than for a fanfic that will earn me no recognition or money. Originality before fangirl impulses!

I don't know when I'll be back. It may be that Murphy of the self-named law will rock up as soon as I hit "Update Profile" and strike me with inspiration for Strangers From Distant Lands or, if I'm lucky, Castaway. Or (and this is more likely), it may be that I won't be online for months again, if ever. I cannot in good conscience post stories that my heart and soul aren't going into. And so, it is with that word that I hang up my fanfic-writing pen and go back to life outside of Teh Interwebz.

If it makes you feel better, I've not been on deviantART in months either, nor have I been doing much sporking on SFZ. Fanfiction isn't suffering alone! I may still make appearances on these sites, occassionally. And I may, one day, come back to FFN. (I AM trying to work on the next chapter of Strangers From Distant Lands, promise!) But I cannot make any promises right now, and so must needs tell you to brace yourself for the reality that I may never come back to finish what I have begun here.

Been a slice, FFN. Many thanks for the feedback, the lulz, the facepalms, the headbashing and the spork-material.

The Sue Free Zone (If you write a bad fanfic, it will be riffed here.)
DeviantART (Where I post my art and photography. And I do commissions!)
Notebook In Hand (I write. This is where I go for critiquing.)

I do not intend to offend anyone here, merely state my viewpoint. I respect your right to have your opinions, but I expect that you will give me the right to say what I believe in return. These will be controversial and probably offensive to some of you. Don't start yelling "Troll!" after reading these- I have an opinion and Canada permits freedom of speech. If you don't want to be offended, don't read this. If you have a major problem with this, I'm sorry. Viewer discretion is advised.

RANT: What is with all the Yaoi and Yuri stories out there? Seriously, if I want to find a cute romantic pairing and try look it up, every other story in that genre is SLASH! Not cool! I find the acts of homosexuality to be remarkably unatural, disgusting, creepy, yada yada yada. I wouldn't be posting this RANT if I did not believe it was a serious problem. If it were only one or two slash stories that I'd seen in all of Fanficdom, I wouldn't have nearly as much of an issue. HOWEVER, this is an epidemic!!

Don't get me wrong, I do NOT hate homosexual PEOPLE. I understand that there are probably a lot of homo/bi-sexual people reading this and getting really ticked off at me. I do, however, disapprove of the CONCEPT of homosexuality. There are a whole list of Scriptures that point out how un-cool it is. People were created to be Man/Woman, NOT m/m or w/w. If God wanted people to be homosexual, he would have made Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve. There are two seperate sexes for a reason! Guys and girls are biologically designed specifically for each other, not for other memebers of the same sex. Comme ca?

I understand that you have the right to be gay. I respect that. And I expect that you will give me the right to protest. I know I have just offended a lot of people by saying this, but SO WHAT? To me, silence of an issue is acceptance, and I will never accept homosexuality. Tough luck. Don't yell at me for this, it's a free country! There are other straight authors on this site who agree with me and really do not want to know what sick ideas swarm in your minds when you think about the characters!

Oh yeah, and add the fact that most of these original authors/writers did NOT intend for there to be slashy relationships between characters, and my arguments are well-founded. J.R.R. Tolkien would spin in his grave if he knew about the Legolas/Aragorn pairings! (Or the Legolas/Haldir, or Aragorn/Frodo, or Merry/Pippin, or Frodo/Sam...) And what do you think Lucas would do if he read a Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan fic, or Obi/Anakin? Yeeeeaaaah, that's what I thought!

RANT: Okay, so I'm reading some fanfics and I come across... the Mary Sue.

I'm not just talking about the OC's that "mysteriously" get dropped into Middle Earth and steal Legolas' heart upon first glance. I am also referring to the OCs that can't die, have mysterious supernatural powers without limitations, are already natural warriors, and (the bit that PO's me to an extreme) can do it all without even mussing their hair or, Force forbid, actually get wounded or preferably killed. WTF?!

Seriously people, no one is perfect, not even an OC. Just because you may wish you were this OC with god-like powers doesn't mean you have to subject us to your fantasies! Mary-Sues and godmodding characters spoil fan fiction almost as much as slashy stories! And don't get me started on the X-rated Sues!! GAH!! The last thing FFN needs is more graphic smut!! We really don't want to hear about your sick fantasies concerning Legolas in bed. The infamous story "Celebrian" and its ripoff "Violation of the Evenstar" are what happens when the smut takes control! I can promise you that you will NEVER see slash or smut in any of my stories. EVER.

I think I have subjected you to this RANT enough... which is why I shall now switch subjects... to...

RANT: Almost as bad as Godmodding Mary Sues and slashy barfness are teh stoorys whith no korekt speelin or graamer!! Now, I know some of you are juniour high students who have no concept of grammar but that is no excuse for horrible writing styles! This particular writer won't even use text speak beyond "lol" and smileys.

And don't give me the excuse that you don't know how to spell something. People, this is what they invented "Spell Check" for!! On most decent word processors, hit F7. Even if you're on Notepad, grab a dictionary! It's not that hard to have decent grammar in a story! That includes punctuation (y'know, periods (.) and commas (,) and the like) and paragraphs. Stories that are not broken up into nice little managable bite-sized chunks like this RANT are really hard to read!! Each speaker gets their own paragraph in dialogue like this: (I shall steal this from Chapter 3 of "Inner Death")

The two finished the kata, slowly rising from their last stances to the beginning position. Obi-Wan felt a mild wave of surprise when he first realized that everyone else was still stumbling through the other katas, and that Master Drallig had been watching himself and Zara. The Master nodded. “Well done, Zara. One day you’ll be better at that kata then I am.”

Zara blushed. “Never, Master.”

Master Drallig smiled and patted the girl’s shoulder before turning to Obi-Wan. “You didn’t know that last kata?”

Obi-Wan felt the shame roll in again. “No, Master.”

Master Drallig nodded, stone faced. “That can be easily changed. If you can get that last kata to the level of your other katas, you will end up better at that one then your own Master.” He smiled at Obi-Wan’s obvious surprise. “Yes, better then Master Jinn. Don’t tell him I said so, but don’t ever let him attempt to teach you katas fifteen through twenty. If anything, you will learn less.”

“Master Drallig? No offence, but I thought Master Jinn was reputed to be one of the best.”

“Ah, you also have fallen into the myth that Master Qui-Gon Jinn is the epitome of the perfect Jedi?”

“Yes, Master… I’ve never seen him do anything wrong.”

That is a good example of PUNCUATION, SPELLING, GRAMMAR, and PARAGRAPH SPACING!! I make it a point to go over all my stories before posting them to check for grammar and spelling and whatever, which is something a lot of you should be doing. You know who you are.

And text speak does NOT, I repeat NOT, count as good writing!! I have seen entire PROFILES written in ABSOLUTLEY HORRIBLE Mary-Sue worthy text speak!! I don't think you want your readers' eyeballs to bleed all over their keyboards, do you?

All right... now for a few fandom-specific RANTS...

RANT: Let's get something straight here. Yoda was NOT Qui-Gon Jinn's Master. COUNT DOOKU was! Everyone get that? Good! Let's not have any more mistaken indentites with other Masters! (And on a related note, Dooku was not evil from the start. He only left the Jedi Order after Qui-Gon's death, which I am still in denial of. Now, Xanatos is a different story...)

RANT: Regardless of what the little brat named Anakin Skywalker got away with, Force-sensitive children were taken from their parents while they were babies. No children over aged one or two could become Jedi. And the Jedi definitely wouldn't try training an adult or an older teen under after Luke Skywalker became head of the Jedi Order and needed all the recruits he could get. So get that idea out of your heads now, people!

RANT: Some of you may be shocked to learn this bit of LOTR-sy information, but here it is: Peter Jackson did NOT create The Lord Of The Rings. That was a BOOK (with pages and covers, and correct spelling and grammer) written by Professor JRR Tolkien of Oxford University after WWII. This means that the movie edition of LOTR is NOT gospel Tolkien truth. I think PJ did a great job with the movies, but he could have done them MUCH better, perhaps including:

1) The existence of Lord Glorfindel (the REAL owner of Asfaloth), the Peredhil twins Elladan and Elrohir, Tom Bombadil, Erestor, Cirdan, Galdor, Gloin the Dwarf, Halbarad, Radagast, and various hobbits, like Fatty Bolger, or a more in-depth look at the Sackville-Bagginses. Betcha didn't know they had a kid named Lotho!

2) All the cheesy Arwen scenes have to go. I'm a total Aragorn/Arwen shipper, but puh-LEEZ! I blame the PJ-version of Arwen for all the super-warrior!Sues on this site. For that matter, I also blame movie-Eowyn for all the wanna-be Shieldmaidens. I believe she was the only true shieldmaiden in all of Rohan, and did not have her own fan club! (And, she and Legolas would never have worked out. EVER. For that matter, neither would Legolas or Arwen. Or ArwenxHaldir. Or anyone else.)

3) Where did Tolkien say Haldir was the all-mighty Marchwarden? He was just a guard of the Lothlorien border!

4) And WHERE did Tolkien imply that Legolas was this sooper-HAWT!!1! Elf who would ever fall for a human girl? The Prince of Mirkwood would NOT go for an idiot hormone-controlled teenager. EVER. So get that idea out of your heads now, people! And... Legolas' last name is NOT "Greenleaf"! "Legolas" is simple the Elven translation of "Greenleaf". His name, written in the equivalent of first-last name format, would be "Legolas Thranduillion", which roughly means "Greenleaf son of Thranduil". And have I mentioned he would never go for a teenage hormone-controlled mortal fangirl??

5) I don't think Boromir was as egotistical in the book as he was in the movie, just a little... mis-guided. He just wanted the Ring to help his country. And he was not the evil creeper I have seen him written as! For all of you Suethors who think Boromir was this evil lunatic who was only after the Ring: BOROMIR IS AWESOME. DEAL WITH IT.

6) Denethor was NOT evil. He was just caught by the Palantir and went mad. I don't think Tolkien would be nearly as impressed with the movie-Denethor as many other people are! (And neither he nor Thranduil were abusive bastards. So shut up.)

7) And, Arwen was the last Elf to ever marry a mortal person. The only half-Elven people in existence were descended from Luthien and Beren, who were the great-grandparents of Elrond and Elros. They (E&E) were granted the choice of immortality along with their parents Earendil and Elwing. Elros chose mortality and became the first Numenorean King. (This makes Arwen Aragorn's cousin, a million generations removed). Elrond chose immortality and served under King Gil-Galad. It is assumed that Elladan and Elrohir chose immortality and became the Lords of Rivendell after Elrond sailed West. Arwen's children were the last half-Elven children in Middle-Earth. There were only 3 human/Elven pairings in existence: Beren and Luthien, Tuor and Idril, and Aragorn and Arwen. Tuor and Idril were the only pair granted immortality. No one else! Including OCs! And mortals couldn't choose immortality, like an Elf could opt for mortality! And they DEFINITLEY couldn't just 'become' Elves.

8) If you're gonna write a LOTR fic, 10th Walker or not, PLEASE research the story first, from the books! Movie marathons don't count! And for the love of the Valar, at least check with the books to make sure your spelling is correct!! GAH!!

Check your sources, people! PJ's movies don't give the whole story!

God totally owns fanfiction, everyone on it, every thought concerning it, every thought otherwise in the world, every particle in the world and universe, Is and loving and amazingly forgiving (takes a dramatic gasp of air and continues) has power and wisdom beyond even our wildest dreams, and DOES EXIST . If you agree, please, do copy and paste.

If you believe Jesus is the only way to be saved from your sins and is the only way to God, and therefore Heaven, copy and paste this onto your profile and add your name to the list: Kaisaan Greenleaf, Xaja Silversheen

I have a one-time gift. A beautiful gift that many people are ridiculed for in this day and age. A precious gift that many people throw away. It's called "virginity", and I plan to not waste it on some jerk of a boyfriend who's just gonna dump me later. I choose to be faithful to my future husband, the man who will love me for the rest of my life, and to wait for the wedding day!! If you have chosen to save your one-time gift and are PROUD of your purity, paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Dearheart, Destiny J. Adams, Siberian Christmas, Annabell Mor'Loki, Kaisaan Greenleaf, Xaja Silversheen