Welcome to my tiny corner of fanfiction.net. I am Jewel, your hostess.

Please take your shoes off and make yourself comfortable. Coffee? Yes, fresh brewed... a Hawaiian blend. Cream? Certainly. Oh, a soda? Yes, of course. Diet Orange, coming up. Chocolate cake? Please help yourself. Napkins are just there. You're very welcome.

Bathroom? Yes, it's the first door on your right. Do try the shea butter soap, it's lovely.

Do you need a blankie? Pillow? Of course... Better now? All settled?

Just click on a story and enjoy. No need to rush. We have all day.

If you'd like to chat, my yahoo ID is: intjewel

A good day to you,

~Jewel

PS - You're cordially invited to visit "Lecterfans," the newest Forum on the Silence of the Lambs/Hannibal board, dedicated to topics of interest for the readers and writers of Hannibal Lecter fanfiction. I've posted a few starter topics already, and will be adding more as time allows.

The older forums don't receive much traffic, but I'm hoping you'll participate in this one. We need an active discussion forum in this genre. If you're not familiar with the forums, you'll find the link above the list of Hannibal fics on the main page.

Added out of complete and utter disgust, after receiving more "Favorite" and "Alert" notices than comments on a new story, AGAIN:

If I like a story, a chapter, or even just some aspect of the narrative, I take a moment to review.

Thoughtful reviews are a fic writer's only reward for their hard work, and I sincerely thank each and every one of you who have taken the time to add your comments to my stories. I draw inspiration from your kind words every time I attempt to soldier through the writing of another difficult passage. Without your encouragement, I'd just pack it in and find some new obsession to indulge.

It takes infinitely less effort on the readers' part to leave a review than it does for me to write a chapter. Only selfish, rude, or despicably lazy people 'favorite' a story or put it on alert without even bothering themselves to leave an appreciative word or two. If you liked it so fucking much, say so. I pledge you my word: If there was an option on this site to block your inconsiderate asses from reading my stories, I would. In a heartbeat. There are dozens upon dozens of you leeches and you know who you are. It takes a lot to anger me, usually, but this truly, TRULY pisses me off. If you're one of the people this rebuke is directed toward and you find it offensive, good. Now you know how I feel.

End of Rant. Now back to my profile, in which I'm sure you're still highly interested after that charming little outburst.

In perusing others' profiles, I see it's common practice here to divulge a certain amount of personal information. As an INTJ, the same personality type as our Good Doctor and his Lady, I loathe sharing what dwells within, and have been called enigmatic on more than one occasion, but in the spirit of good humor and courtesy, here's a bit about me...

Name: In cyberspace, Jewel.

Age: More advanced than many here, though not yet ancient.

Sex: Not as often as I would prefer.

Status: Single, straight, and available.

Location: Far enough away from Hollywood to not be thoroughly affected by it, but close enough to not be easily surprised by much.

Pets: Recently, a stray cat moved in. I call him Walter Manfredjinsinjin, but he doesn't seem to like it much. And there always seems to be a spider in my shower.

Career: Although my true profession is Dog Behaviorist and Trainer, and it's the only work I truly enjoy doing, I retired from the trade in 2002, due to 9/11's impact on the economy. My training manual, 'Reducing Separation Anxiety in Dogs' has been sold in the USA, Canada, and Australia, and I've been interviewed on the radio to discuss the syndrome. I've worked with many celebrities and sports figures in the past. Not it that matters, but I do have some cool anecdotes to share as a result.

Education: As it pertains to this site... I've never taken a course in Writing or Composition, and I did poorly in English. Otherwise, my knuckles are well acquainted with wooden rulers. Thanks, nuns! You rock.

OS of choice: Mac, baby! Mac now, Mac later, Mac forever.

Hobbies: Reading, writing, surfing the 'Net, cooking, learning, growing as an individual, and composing snarky comments on internet forums.

Favorite Music and Singers: Paul Simon, Andrea Bocelli, Bach, 80s, 70s, 60s rock.

Favorite Movies: Silence, Hannibal, and Red Dragon, in that order. Lord Love a Duck, Remains of the Day, Hoffman, Cabaret, A Fish Called Wanda, The Edge, Lolita, Rocky Horror, Phantom of the Paradise, What About Bob?, and for some reason, I just can't get "Why Julie Can't Go Swimming" out of my head. Any American female old enough to have gone to school in the 70s knows that one.

Favorite TV Shows: Boston Legal, The Big Bang Theory, Six Feet Under, Dexter, Northern Exposure, The Odd Couple, and the original cast of Saturday Night Live. Yes, I've been watching SNL since 1976. And now, thanks to the inimitable Ms. Silver, the X-Files.

Favorite Actors: Anthony Hopkins, Alan Rickman, Peter Sellers, Jeremy Irons, Gary Oldman, Tim Curry, Michael Caine, Emma Thompson (is my obsession with Brits terribly obvious?), James Spader, Kevin Spacey, Jodie Foster, Alec Baldwin, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Heath.

Favorite Novels: Besides the obvious Harris masterpieces, Nabokov's Lolita, The Lord of the Rings, and Stephen King's The Stand and IT.

Heroes: None. All people are fallible, all are damaged, all err.

Favorite Quotes:

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

-- Aristotle

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

-- Shakespeare, Hamlet, 1.5

"First principles, Clarice. Simplicity. Of each particular thing ask, what is it, in itself? What is its nature? What does he do, this man you seek?"

-- Silence, film

"Some days you wake up changed."

-- Silence, novel

"You can slap me, you can beat me, you can even mess up my hair, but don't bore me."

-- Me

Stuff I like: Movies--the creepier the better, but not particularly horror. Horror's cool, it's just not especially high on my list. Animals, bright colors, peace and quiet, meat, solitude, the rare interesting person, going to the mountains, lakes and streams, long drives with the stereo up loud, Farmer's Markets, the Internet, my iPod, privacy, toys, vegetables, stand-up comedy, classic Mustangs and Porsche 914s, really hot showers, staying up all night and sleeping 'til eleven. Men. Having my opinion changed with rational, unemotional arguments. Introspection and personal growth, irony, really sick jokes. Icky medical stuff. Psychology, particularly of the Abnormal variety. The MBTI (Meyers-Briggs Temperament Indicator) as a means of understanding myself and others. Neuroses.

Stuff I hate: Having to repeat myself. Shopping, especially for clothes, political correctness, wearing make-up, being bored, ham, babies, barking dogs, stupid parents, undisciplined kids, politics, working for a living, parties, drama queens, awards ceremonies. The misspelling of Dr. Lecter's name. Loud, rude, obnoxious people, especially if they're female and drunk. Unexpected visitors. Being asked for advice and having it ignored. Arts and crafts. People who can't take 'No' for an answer. Judgmentalism. Bigotry. Invasiveness. Defensiveness. Clingy people. Poorly prepared food. Phone calls. Rap music. Movies in which the primary background noise is machine-gun fire. And I really, really hate it when the air conditioning goes out.

What I admire: Brutal honesty, tempered with grace, sensitivity, and courtesy. The strength of character to be who you are, and not be concerned about blending in with the herd. Intelligence and competence. A sharp wit and keen sense of humor. People who can admit they're wrong and offer humble, heartfelt apologies. Clever writing. People who 'get it.'

On Being an INTJ: I fully recognize and embrace my oddness. INTJs comprise only 1-3 percent of the American population, and of those, the majority are male. For fun, we can debate just about anything without forming a personal opinion in the matter. Hence, the first on my list of favorite quotes. Opinions already established are argued with intensity, but we are also extraordinarily open-minded in the face of a rational, well thought-out opposition. When we meet someone we truly like, we enjoy intense, probing conversations that center on mutual interests, personal motivations and experiences. The questions we ask, and the personal information we reveal about ourselves, are considered inappropriate by most. It's not that we have no concept of personal space, because we covet autonomy above all else. We just don't hold to society's accepted norms. We're independent and that scares most people. Because we don't like to talk about ourselves, it takes considerable effort on your part to really get to know us. But, even after long acquaintance, you probably don't know the real 'us' at all. Sorry, but that's just the way we are. Relationships are really hard work for us. We do put in great effort, but sharing our inner worlds is anathema, so there's always a psychological distance. We're not impressed by others' credentials or power or wealth, but by intelligence, competence, and rationality. A street-smart janitor's opinion is valued over a certified genius', if it makes better sense to us. We are the captains of our own ships and we don't care what others think of us--of our intellect, yes, but not our quirks. I enjoy the horrified looks I get when I tell people that I have the same personality type as Hannibal Lecter.

What I like to read: Well written, gripping stories, no matter their plot. Cliffhangers. Realistic, engaging original characters. Proper characterization. Action. Believable 'lemons.' Humor. Astute metaphors. Angst, if it results in character growth.

What I don't care for, but might enjoy if the story meets the above requirements: Stories about Dr. Lecter and Clarice having children. Fics in which Dr. Lecter is killed. Plots with Will Graham, sans Starling. He's a great character, but I don't have the same attachment to him that I do for her.

What I refuse to read: Any fic in which Dr. Lecter develps an intrigue for, or an attraction to, a teenaged girl. Or boy, although I've yet to encounter that particular brand of depravity. Mary Sues (see 'teenage girl,' above). Badly written sex scenes, or those in which the writer rushes through the action due to timidness or embarrassment. If an author is uncomfortable writing lemons, they shouldn't even try. Really.

"The Line": There are oodles of cliches in this genre. The basic premises are rehashed over and over and over again, ad infinitum. If you've been a fan for any length of time, you know what I mean. And that's fine; there's nothing wrong with a few good old cliches once in a while. Their familiarity is comforting; like slipping into a warm bath. I re-read old favorites constantly. But there's one thing I simply, absolutely can not stand in a Lecterfic, and that is "The Line."

The Line can appear in so many diverse forms, it's sometimes hard to catch upon first glance. It's so innocuous, so very innocent sounding that it slips through even a seasoned writer's editing process. It's insidious, and must be stopped!

It lurks, stalking an author's subconscious, waiting to pounce onto the screen without warning. When manifested, it's Starling... Poor, poor Starling, upon whom The Line is foisted, with the intent of making her out to be an absolute master of observation and nuance. Fic writers have forced her to exclaim it upon coming home, waking up, turning around, opening a door, seeing a reflection in a mirror, entering an elevator, her car, her office, an attic, a cemetery, and Mapp's half of the duplex. She's asked it in Florence, Greece, Rome, New York, London, Peking, New Orleans, Las Vegas, and even Australia. It's the horror of horrors, the bad seed of Lecterverse dialog, the most heinous grouping of words ever put together in a fanfiction... it's... it's...

"Dr. Lecter! What are you doing here?"

Bow your heads with me and mourn the passing of a dear and very old friend. Alas dear Prose, we knew ye well.

Be wise and be vigilant, writers. The Line assumes many forms. It can be the all-time basic classic, or any one of a myriad of variations. Some that come to mind are, "Dr. Lecter, what on earth are you doing here?" to the bare bones, completely anonymous, "Why are you here?" As long as it's said by Starling to Dr. Lecter, upon her registering his presence, it counts.

Cheese in lasagna is awesome. But finding it in Lecterfic is like finding a toenail in your soup. It ain't supposed to be there, folks.

On my stories: Although it's certainly possible to write outside of one's own experience, and to do it well, I generally stick to 'what I know.' The detail in my stories, whether emotional or material, is usually derived from personal experience, augmented by a bit of quick research. Over the years, I've been asked how I get into the characters' heads so deeply. Well, it's not that I'm in their heads so much as they are in mine. I understand them better than I understand my own sister, much to her dismay.

I like to slide my stories into known canon, or come up with entirely new scenarios to explore. Inner Conflicts, for example, had a twist on the "If you loved me, you'd stop" idea that I still enjoy reading every so often.

Even after so many years, I still believe First Principles is the best story I've ever written. It's the most personal, too. Just Desserts was retribution for pissing me off. I do love crazy, but manipulative narcissists who stick their noses where they don't belong are fair game in my book. Skin Game is the funnest to write and the most challenging. I'd never written a lemon before. Now, they come so easily, it's almost scary (pun intended).

I'm unable to write graphic violence. Odd, in this genre, but no one can do it all. I can portray angst, emotion, romance, humor, sex, conflict, action, grief, psychotherapy, and hypnosis. Those will have to do. As I said, I write from personal experience, so I'll leave the gore for those gifted in that department.

Other: I've been obsessed with Hannibal Lecter since 1991, and have been an active participant in this fandom since 2001. I've personally read over twelve hundred Lecterfics on this, and other boards, including slash. I'd like to say that I've never read a Lecterfic I didn't like, but that would be lying.

I administrate the discussion forum, Lecterfans, and two Lecter C2 communities: Hannibal Lecter-Polymath, and Clarice Starling-Between Iron and Silver (the latter is co-hosted by Nightlinger and myself). If you have a completed story that you'd like me to consider adding, please feel free to email or PM me. Just be aware that I reserve the right to deny inclusion, and I will explain my reasons for doing so upon request.

Thanks very much for visiting,

Jewel