About Me:
I am a young, cute college student who is blonde and rich, and have a size C - er, wait, what do you mean this isn't a personals ad?
Okay, okay!
Let’s try this all over again.
I am ordinarily a nice person who usually looks at the world in a bewildered and befuddled manner. I am directionally-challenged, I ordinarily have the patience (but possibly not the humility) of a saint, and am quite scatterbrained. I have ADHD, which basically amounts to walking three to four hours a day, bouncing from projects every five to ten minutes, a profound hate for anything cold (except ice cream), and being calmed by caffeine. I love my hyperactivity, folks, although the attention span of a gnat can be a bit bothersome.
I, along with one million other people, live in the beautiful state of Montana. I...kinda hate most of the people in Montana.
About my writing:
I am here at ff.net because, like most other shallow people, I like to shamelessly wallow in praise. Wait, did I just write that?
Writing-wise in original fiction, I do fantasy. Anything else is barely considered, although there has been a historical fiction I have outlined, and there are two sci-fi works, one completed and one in progress. I have many on-going projects that I’ve been working on for many years. Eventually I’ll sit still long enough to finish them.
Writing-wise in fanfiction, I specialize in humor and Harry Potter, both of which usually go hand-in-hand. I adore crossovers, love crack!fics, and am happy as a pig rolling in mud if I find crack!crossovers. Except when such stories are really actually badly-mangled excuses of the English language. Such work ought to earn the author the removal of his/her Artistic License. (I told those people to stop putting them into cracker-jack boxes!)
Pet peeves:
- As some, if not many, of my readers are aware, I don't particularly write slash or yaoi, unless it’s a parody (see: Pandora’s Box). Heck, I usually don't do romance simply because, well, I can't. I'm afraid the talent was being handed out when I wandered off because of the ADHD. However, if I find a good story (with excellent dynamics and story structure) that contains slash or romance, I read it without complaint. It’s the character dynamics and the interactions with their environment that make or break romance for me. The times I have tried writing such, my women have no problem staying lesbians, but my men insist on being bisexual with a stronger leaning towards women than men. Don't ask me how this is; I guess I just appreciate women more. (I'm asexual, if anyone is curious. You probably weren't.)
- I admit I'm often annoyed with bad slash/yaoi because the female characters often suffer. Their characterization is usually shoved under a rock, or they’re demonized, or they’re not given due and proper credit, or are mistreated in other ways as only bad writing can make painful reading. Reviewing or PMing me to ask for a male/male relationship in my stories is fine; doing so in addition to comments of how you cannot stand the idea of girls being involved is an excellent way to piss me off.
-Poor spelling, abused punctuation, mangled characterization, and abandoned grammar. Please do not inflict such atrocities on the lovely English language! Also, do not say that the English language is incredibly limited. There are sixteen thousand words alone in the dictionary that describes human emotions. If you find it limiting, it is because you have no idea how to make the language dance for you. Just, you know, don't get addicted to the thesaurus. And typos are readily forgiven, because we're all human and prone to making mistakes.
- Mary Sues. Stories where every character is made homosexual. Because, you know, heterosexuality is a rare and ugly thing, and so is bisexuality, platonic relationships and asexuality.
- Cardboard cutouts in place of actual 3-D characterization. People are about their experiences, memories, quirks, likes and dislikes, curiosities, personalities, characteristics, environment, genetics, background, family histories, and so much more.
-Very sloppy summaries. Take note, everyone: your summary should include at least three of WHO, WHAT, WHY, WHEN, and WHERE, to the best of your 250 character limit. Please, for the love of all writing muses, check your summary for misspellings, incorrect punctuation, and eye-bleeding grammar.
-Newest pet peeve. If the writer insists on writing about a physical/mental injury and does some detailing on the medical therapy or cure or whathaveyou, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL TOOTHFAIRIES EVERYWHERE, please do not pull something out of your ass and try to pass it off as good! You do not cover and protect third and fourth degree burns with plaster, and you sure as hell don't make someone with a broken back who's lucky to walk normal take up ballet so soon after their injury. God, people, I may only know most of my stuff because of eight years in the nursing field, but it's not that hard to Google.
Status and info of archived stories:
Harry Potter
A Gutter Rat’s Story
This story is rated M for very dark themes and adult subject material. There's violence, mentions of child abuse and insinuations of worse. This is a psychologically dark story with a Machiavellian-isque Voldemort, who walks a fine line between creation and destruction, and a broken family struggling to maintain what's left of itself. Because of the emotion intensity, this story may or may not be appropriate for younger audiences' reading.
Pandora's Box
Sequel to AGRT.
This began as a light-hearted story and managed to maintain that sort of atmosphere for several chapters. It was supposed to poke fun at the HP fandom's clichés (mostly slash) and then it kinda... mutated. Holy cow! The story's complexity exploded far beyond my original intent. What was supposed to be a journey ofself-discovery and Pandora’s subsequent rescue turned into a massive adventure to save the Universe. The next thing I knew metaphysics and philosophy began to take over. If you can read this through to the very end, then you're more steadfast than most people. I looked it over a few years after I had finished writing it, and I still can't figure out what I was smoking when I wrote it.
That Which James Witnessed
Accompanying side story to A Gutter Rat's Tale
This is far more intense and graphic than AGRT. It mirrors AGRT from James' point of view, but it explains what, precisely, Voldemort did to James and in great detail, no thanks to the extensiveness of the English Language. Believe me, it was ugly. If nothing else does, this story alone would justify the M rating of its parent. There is graphic violence: blood and guts and I do mean guts, and what could possibly considered torture. And cannibalism. (My roommate wanted me to warn people about this; how was I supposed to know she was trying to eat a hamburger while reading that scene?)
Fire Demon
This could sort of be considered a companion piece of Pandora's Box, simply because one would get the background of some of the characters who show up in PB. The chapters are long and have many dysfunctional original characters, most of whom have dirty minds and/or a very noticeable lack of ethics. It starts out slowly because I’m trying to explore the effects of Nature vrs. Nurture here, which has long been an argument with psychologists and anthropologists, so don’t tell me the story is slow and that you want to read Harry Potter at age eleven, because you aren’t going to get Harry Potter at age eleven without an exploration of how his environmental and nurturing changes impacted his personality and growth as a person. I hate it when stories make such a jump and the characters feel completely out-of-character, because I never got to witness the character growth for myself.
For all of that depth and exploration, this is also very tongue-in-cheek story meant to induce laughter. It is not my priority in writing. Chapters are added slowly, although almost always longer than eight thousand words. I write this story on the side when and where I feel like it or have the inspiration. Don’t be surprised if two, three months pass without an update. (Or a year... Or two years…)
Normal to be a freak
Short oneshot. This idea popped fully-formed into my mind one morning while brushing my teeth, and was written in less than an hour. Just presenting to the world (and Dudley) that being different doesn't equate being a freak, because all of us have that little bit of difference that makes us a unique human being in our own rights. It's a story of forgiveness and acceptance that Dudley must achieve before he can finally find peace with himself, but Harry's willing to help him on that journey. And to think, I've been accused of being homophobic! (I wonder why my lesbian roommate never thought to inform me...)
Naruto
(WARNING WARNING! I happen to be a Sakura fangirl. While I have little patience for character bashing of any sorts, I am intolerant of Sakura-bashing in particular and such reviews will get deleted and the reviewer blocked.)
Switched
I have a weakness for stories where characters and their bodies get switched. I had an idea for Naruto, but with so many other tales to tell, I didn’t want to invest the needed time and energy to write. I changed my mind when I saw others unable to fulfill the idea’s potential. This story is mainly humor, and no complaints so far of the humor being inappropriate. I also sort of write two very odd pairings, if you squint sideways and really wish for romance. I hope to start a craze with them. (Yes, I am very fond of Kabuto and it shows in the story. I know. Leave me alone.)
Of all that exists, only I
Plot bunnies swamped me when I read chapter 257. I tried to squash them, really I did, but two friends provoked me into writing. Consider yourself lucky; I usually don't write anything less than 30,000 words. This was originally an exercise also in writing 2nd person POV, but I had to reword it a little after ff.net banned You!fics. Please, everyone, there is a difference between a badly disguised self-insert, and a valid POV.
Saving Grace
This is a Christmas fic for Demeter1, who wanted to see Kakashi/Sakura with a plot. I usually don't do romance, but I figured that I could probably pull something off between the two of them in about twenty thousand words. Hah! Somehow, Kiba/Sakura became an fascinating part of the story. Then Sasuke and Naruto decided they just had to have important parts and invited everyone along for the ride. Plot, ever eager to please Characterization, willingly bent over. Aside from being my first romance, this is also a valiant attempt at horror/mystery. :D Like AGRT, we’re dealing with dark themes here: drug abuse, murder, rape, halluctinations, and torture. And probably angst, although most of it has nothing to do with Sasuke, surprise surprise. Although mentioned briefly, the torture is explicit, so read with due caution. (Still fond of Kabuto, and yes, it still shows. Am also becoming very fond of the Inuzukas, and that shows, too. Thus: the World First Ever Kabuto/Inuzuka Tsume! I honestly don't know how this happened. It snuck up on me)
Tango no Sekku
You have no idea how proud I am to have written a story with exactly 1000 words. :) A bittersweet look at how an orphaned Naruto manages to celebrate a family holiday without a family. Cameo appearences by the Inuzukas and Ichiraku Ramen.
Naruto's Missing Village
It was a running joke in Saving Grace that Naruto had lost a village. The details were never given, but the story still demands to be told. Not only is Naruto going to lose his village in the most strangest of matters, but Ino and Neji have been abducted by aliens - there is a very good reason for this, really, and it does play a role in how Naruto loses his village, I promise! My sadistic side is currently hibernating, so the only warning I have is Elvis and clowns. Although I suppose the combination of those with ninjas might be considered painful by some.
A friend in need
A private moment between Kiba and Sakura - I'm almost positive that everyone who ever reads it winds up getting the wrong impression. And that was my intention.
Other
Ding dong, the witch is dead
The unholy lovechild between L. Frank Baum and C.S. Lewis.
Eventually, I want to drop the same house on Bellatrix LeStrange just so I can get Dorothy to say, "I knew I should have moved to Oregon! Hey, you, there. Yeah, you with the glasses and funny scar, come here, and help me put these red slippers on. Oooph! Damn arthritis..." (I'm secretly in love with littleoldlady!Dorothy and Dumbledore hooking up. I don't care if JK Rowling declared Dumbledore gay. He is still getting together with Dorothy.) And now that I have seen Prince Caspian, I had wanted to drop the cottage on Muraz during his and Peter's duel, just to hear Peter say, "You again?"
Knee-deep
First-person Jean Havoc POV from Full Metal Alchemist regarding a training mission gone horribly wrong. That's not the story. The story is about why you should always be careful when opening your mouth and bossing the world around; you just never know who might be lurking beneath all that mud.
Left Turn at Albuquerque
(Title is an oblique reference to Bugs Bunny constantly getting lost; pulling out his map, and saying, "I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.") One of the world's very first Saiyuki/Naruto crossovers. I was minding my own business one day when I was suddenly swarmed by a vision of Hidan sitting upright after just being shot by Sanzo and saying, "That fucking hurt, seriously." After sharing the vision with friends, I was strong-armed into writing this story. Oh, but it's so much fun!
I am given to sporadically correcting mistakes in my stories, from grammar to plot to characterization, and then uploading the changes without telling anyone, so the stories never get removed for revision or anything like that. So, if you reread something much later and say, “Heeeey, I don’t remember that from last time!” then you’re probably right.
In reviewing, I try not to hassle people who take the time to tell me what they think, but if you won’t mind being a little more specific, such as what you find funny, I would be very grateful. If you find there is something wrong with the story, feel free to speak up. I find it frustrating to repeat a mistake continuously for a hundred thousand words before someone finally pokes me and says, "Um, not to be rude, but did you know that..." (Yes; this has happened. It's only thanks to Word's Find&Replace function that I was able to correct the misspelling of Peter Pettigrew's name without tearing my hair out by its roots.) I listen and I appreciate more than I can say in text. So have a smiley. :) Sometimes, it is quite difficult to respond in a timely manner, so I can only ask for patience.
Located off of ff.net
A Helping Hand
Shameless smut involving Sakura and Kiba, especially for those who enjoyed the UST between Kiba and Sakura in Saving Grace . Note that this is not the "what happened in the whorehouse between those two" fic (although I do plan on getting to that one), but something different. But, hey, at least Ochi got a passing mention!
WARNING! WARNING!
Habit is a known plagiarist who first stole A Helping Hand, changed some names and words, and then called it her own under the title of A Good Dog. She deleted it after much hullabaloo and pressure, but she will be monitered for any further reoccuring behavior. It's not so much that I'm a bitch but I simply don't trust this kid any further than I could throw her while disabled with a sprained pelvis. And that wouldn't be very far.
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