Hi! My name is Melissa Fluffnagel, and I love to read and write stories and songs and play guitar and sing! I hope someday to be a famous country bandmate (hence the guitar). I want to be a bandmate 'cause I don't think I could ever face all of the people alone.

I am a beginner at guitar, but it is not as hard as I had feared. Soon, I will learn a few songs, I hope...

I also write songs. They aren't that great, but someday I hope to put music to the lyrics and perform them!

My favorite band as of right now is Sugarland, with Jennifer Nettles and Kristian Bush. She is an awesome singer, he an amazingly gifted guitar player. They just bring so much fun and energy to the stage, I hope that one day I can have that effect on people.

Right now, I have one true bestie. Her name is Petunia, but you may know her as CullenWithWings on here, and PowerFreak on FictionPress.

'Our group of friends dosen't really have a 'name'. If anything, it would be 'the kids who burst out laughing for no apparent reason on a random inside joke'. Wow. I can see why we don't have a name'. -Tally.

Until about two months ago, I only read book FanFics. Then I discovered the amazing realm of TV Shows. I have so many on story alert, it's not even funny. It even inspired me to write a few of my own! Please check them out...

In my writing, I like to use OC's. I know this drives many people crazy, but it makes me feel better. Especially in TV Shows, you never know everything about a given character, so it is extremely hard to write a story in their POV. Therefore, I insert my own character which I know nothing about. I really don't understand why people hate OC's so much... If anyone wants to enlighten me, feel free!

I have discovered that I watch thirteen series: 24, Bones, NCIS, NCIS: LA, CSI: Miami, The Mentalist, Lie To Me, Fringe, White Collar, The Listener, Heroes, Psych, and The X-Files. Wow. Do I have a problem?

Pertaining reviews: Reviews are greatly appreciated, but not required. Please tell me exactly what you thought, even if it falls into the flame category. And, feel free to ramble or tells stories etc. They make me feel so much happier than a simple, 'Please review!' (Not that I don't appreciate those... :-))

Well, I think that's all the info really about me...

The below three poems were suggested by Nia. She even wrote the second two!

Poems:

If you are a dreamer, come in,
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hop-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer...
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in!
Come in!
(above poem by: Shel Silverstein, it just is so her, I had to add it)

IT'S A LOVE/HATE REALATIONSHIP
Split in half,
cold or warm,
icy snow and hot chocolate,
or diving into cool water and sunbathing on the sandy beach,
can't ever decide,
which I love more,
or which I hate more,
dry nippy wind
or scorching hot sun,
burning your skin,
winter or summer,
which is worse,
which is better.
(above poem is written by: CullenWithWings, that's right moi. Surprised? i am.)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This profile is over, whew!

Updates:

November 26, 2009: Ok, all of you people here who are angry because I haven't updated my stories (especially Hearing Isn't Always Listening) my life has been extremely chaotic lately, and i have had no time to update. So please bear with me, and i will get back on track soon.

August 24, 2009: I have finally updated my profile! I even added this nifty little update spot, where I will write about all sorts of things in my life! (Not that you guys care, but you might find it interesting!)

The rest is things that I have either found funny or sentimental.

Favorite jokes:

A blonde and her husband are sitting on the couch, watching the news, when a reporter came on. "Two Brazillion men died in a skydiving accident today," he sad. The blonde said "Thats just terrible," and started to cry. Her husband looked at her and says, "Yes, that is sad, honey, but they knew the risks involved when they did it." A few minutes later, the blonde, still crying, turns to her husband and asked, "How many is a Brazillion?"

This blonde is driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat.

She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while.

When she can't stand it any more, she calls out to the blonde in the field,
'Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?'

The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, 'Because it is an ocean of wheat.'

The blonde standing at the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field,

'It is dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.'

The blonde in the field just shrugs her shoulders and begins rowing again.

The blonde on the side of the road is beside herself and shakes her fist at the blonde in the field yelling,
'If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"

One day this blonde calls her friend and says,
'Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't even figure out how to start it.'

Her friend asks, 'What is it a puzzle of?'

The blonde says, 'From the picture on the box, it's a tiger.'

Well, the friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the pieces spread all over the table.

He studies them for a moment, then studies the box.

He turns to her and says, 'Well, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.'

She asks, 'Oh, how come?'

He says, 'Look, never mind, let's just relax, have a cup of coffee and we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.'

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies' room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, 'Welcome to the ladies' room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!'

The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, 'I think I'm the most beautiful of us three' and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.

The redhead stepped up and said, 'I think I'm the most talented of us three,' and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Jaguar in her hands.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, 'I think...' and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

(This area used to contain an absurd amount of copy and pastes. For your convenince, I have removed them.)

One of my best friends died recently; I'm really upset. He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. My friend was a paragon of amazing. His name was Common Sense. I am sorry to inform you of his demise. Mourn with me.

Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies…

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Rest In Peace, my old friend.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don’t want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

FYI- Honda is straight, but Hyundai is gay.

ONE FOR THE GIRLS!!:

(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

(2)Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

One bright morning...
In the middle of the night,
Two dead boys went out to fight
There they stood, back to back
And faced each other,
Drew their swords
and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise
And came running to kill
The two dead boys.
If you don't believe my tale
I swear its true
Ask the blind lady;
She saw it too!

FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"

2) When the elevator doors shut, assuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"

3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.

5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

11) Meow occasionally.

12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." ~ Anonymous

"When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back." ~ Anonymous

"Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit and shut up.” ~ Anonymous

"An apple always keeps the doctor away, if well aimed." ~ Anonymous

"Ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?" ~ Anonymous

"My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil." ~ Anonymous

"When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade" ~ Anonymous

"Roses are red, violets are blue, rainbows are gay, and so are you." - Petunia Rose-Daisy

Some of my other favorite quotes are:

Hide and go seek is not meant to be played with yogurt and pickles. -Tallulah Pineapple

Don't skip alone. (Try walking up to someone and saying that with a straight face. Its hard.) -Tallulah Pineapple

Geniuses can run into doors too.- Random Sticker

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes. -Petunia Rose-Daisy

Feel free to email me at: melissafluffnagel@yahoo.com