Hey

I'm a huge Bella/Edward fan, I LOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Twilight, I love Avril Lavigne's old songs too(oh puh-leaze...Girlfriend?), I hate school and I'm low esteemed/pessimistic.

Name: Destinee Maudrell

Age: Immortal

Fave Colour: Green, black

Hobbies: GETTING REVIEWS!, Reading Twilight, I'm not bad in b-ball and soccer, its just I don't play, listening to music, something random

Hates: Sexist morons, racist morons, morons, people who have a problem with me reading while eating(DEAL WITH IT!), mean second-language teacher

I swear, I have nothing against blondes, (I'm a brunette), I swear! There are some awesome blondes on earth, I just really loved these jokes!

This blonde is driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat.

She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while.

When she can't stand it any more, she calls out to the blonde in the field,
'Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?'

The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, 'Because it is an ocean of wheat.'

The blonde standing at the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field,

'It is dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.'

The blonde in the field just shrugs her shoulders and begins rowing again.

The blonde on the side of the road is beside herself and shakes her fist at the blonde in the field yelling,
'If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.

The first blonde said, 'These look like deer tracks,'
and the other one said, 'No they look like moose tracks.'

They argued and argued for a quite while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

One day this blonde calls her friend and says,
'Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't even figure out how to start it.'

Her friend asks, 'What is it a puzzle of?'

The blonde says, 'From the picture on the box, it's a tiger.'

Well, the friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the pieces spread all over the table.

He studies them for a moment, then studies the box.

He turns to her and says, 'Well, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.'

She asks, 'Oh, how come?'

He says, 'Look, never mind, let's just relax, have a cup of coffee and we'll put all these cornflakes back in the box.'

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

How do you drown a blonde?
put a mirror at the bottom of a pool (jacob said this!)

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Why do blondes have 'TGIF' written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said 'Disneyland Left' so they turned around and went home.

A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies' room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, 'Welcome to the ladies' room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!'

The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, 'I think I'm the most beautiful of us three' and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.

The redhead stepped up and said, 'I think I'm the most talented of us three,' and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Jaguar in her hands.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, 'I think...' and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.

Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash the blonde ran out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, 'I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a blind policeman!'

Stupid Warnings:

This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily.

1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children

2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping

4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap

12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required

14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use

15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

16. On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

17. On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

18. On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

19. On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

24. On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

25. On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space. You know them astronauts...)

26. On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

27. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

29. On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

30. On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you

FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"

2) When the elevator doors shut, assuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"

3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.

5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

11) Meow occasionally.

12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"

She was hurt
When she called me that night
She cried as she told me
Of her parents' fight.

I begged her to tell
Before it was too late
She wouldn't do it.
She loved her parents
Even when they felt hate.

I stand with some roses
Her favorites were red
I cried to myself
'Cuz I knew why she was dead.

I wanted to tell
She wouldn't let me
If she wouldn't, I couldn't
They're my parents, said she.

They got worse
Her face was black and blue
I begged her to tell
She said, If you were me, would you?

I wanted to tell
Everyone of her tears
I would have too
If losing her weren't my fear.

Now that she's gone
I have no one to blame
I should have told
I feel so ashamed.

If you have a friend
Who you would hate to be hurt
Put this on your profile
And help spread the word.

Random Sayings-

An apple a day, keeps the doctor away, if aimed right.

Life was simple, when boys had cooties

Directions to llama land: Turn left at the rainbow, turn right at the unicorn with the butterfly tattoo, if you reach the oenguin, you went too far.

When the world is ending, come over to my house! I'll be hosting the party!

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator.

Education is important, school is another story.

School and jail have one difference: Jail food doesn't kill you.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if you still hate them, you're a mile away and just jacked their shoes.

To the losers who say anything's possible, here's a challenge: Slam a revolving door.

Therapist= The Rapist kinda self explanatory

You say I'm not cool. Cool is the same as cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. You finally get me!

I'm so gangsta, I carry a water gun!

I used to be normal, then I met my friends...

I ran with scissors and lived!

You cry, I cry, You laugh, I laugh, You fall off a cliff, I laugh so much harder.

It's just you and me against the world... we attack at dawn.

93 of American teens cried from being called a freak. I'm one of those 7 who said, "Naw! What was your first clue?"

I'm the girl who will laugh, cry, and hum It's a Small World, just because you're my friend and I know you hate it.

Here are things wrong with America:

Only in America, does the pizza have the thirty minutes or less guarantee, while the ambulance gets there "when it can".

If pro is the opposite of con, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Only in America, do banks leave their doors open and chain pens to the desks.

Only in America, do you order a double cheeseburger, a large frie, and a diet coke.

Only in America, do sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get medicine, while healthy people walk to the front to get cigarettes.

Only in America, there is a drive-up ATM with Braille lettering.

Politicians pratice politics. Poli means many; tics means blood-sucking creatures.

When you don't get my friends and my jokes, it's not a "you had to be there", its a "you have to as retarded as us"

My friends are the people, who, if my house was burning, they would be roasting marchmallows and singing camp-fire songs with the firemen.

My friends: You say they're stupid, I say they're just like me!

If I say, You're almost as smart as my smart friend, it's not a compliment.

My friend told me to build a bridge and get over it, I said, "I don't have the instructions."

Only a best friend can say you're stupid. Everyone knows if they try, they'll get the shit beaten out of them.

Friends: Will hide you from the cops
Best friends: probably got them after you in the first place!

Friends: Will bail you out of jail
Best Friends: Will be sitting next to you saying, "That was AWESOME!"

Friends: Will help you get over the guy
Best friends: Will call him with the comforting words, "You have twenty-four hours to live."

Friends: Will help you stop crying
Best friends: Will have a shovel to bury the loser who made you cry

Friends: Know one or two secrets
Best friends: Have made an embarrassing biography of you for blackmail

Friends: Say Mr. and Mrs. to your parents
Best friends: Say, "Mommy, Daddy!"

Friends: Accept your offer to buy their movie ticket at the theater if they can buy the snacks
Best friends: Have already got the money from your sock drawer

Friends: Keep you from embarrassing yourself in public
Best friends: Are too busy video taping it

Friends: Will teach me to drive
Best friends: Will help me roll the damn car into the lake to collect insurance

Friends: Will squeal over Edward Cullen with you
Best friends: Will be planning how to kidnap him with you

Who do you like more:

Bella or Edward?

Bella

Bella or Jacob?

Bella

Bella or Alice?

Alice

Alice or Jacob?

Alice

Rosalie or Alice?

Tie :P

Jasper or Alice?

Tie :P

Jasper or Edward?

Jasper

Carlisle or Esme?

Esme

Emmett or Jasper?

Jasper

Emmett or Jacob?

Jacob

Bella or Rosalie?

Bella.

Esme or Charlie?

Esme.

Charlie or Carlisle?

Carlisle.

Charlie or Billy?

Charlie

Jacob or Sam?

Jacob

Sam or Quil?

Quil

Quil or Embry?

Embry

Who's the better villain: James or Victoria?

Victoria

Werewolves or Vampires?

Neutral when it comes to this one :D

List twelve of your characters from your fandom, in no particular order.

1)Bella

2)Alice

3)Carlisle

4)Jacob

5)Seth

6)Jasper

7)Emmett

8)Harry Potter

9)Ginny Weasley

10)Hermione Granger

11)Luna Lovegood

12)Edward

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

Jasper and Hermione...strange, but I guess I could give it a shot.

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

Jacob? Sort of...

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

Edward and Harry...that's wrong on all levels

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?

Yes, and they were pretty good

5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Alice and Jasper are already a couple...what a coinky-dink

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

5/9 would be cute -

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?

Emmett walked in on Alice and Edward having...okay, how would you react if you saw your two siblings...ugh, nevermind

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

Carlisle is the hot, young new professor at Hogwarts. All the girls are falling over him. Except one. Hermione Granger. All the girls are puzzled at her attitude, but she knows the truth about Carlisle. Know one else knows, that Carlisle has a wife. So, how did Hermione know?

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

Bella and Harry. Haven't found any, but that's cuz I never looked!

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.

The Mindreader's Therapist :P. I can't think of anything.

11. If you wrote a songfic about Eight, what song would you choose?

12. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

WARNING: Jasper might be destroyed by an unhappy Edward for his flirting with Bella, unless his awesome macho power save him

13. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

A week ago

14. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).”

"Bella and Emmett are in a happy relationship until Ginny runs off with Jacob. Bella, broken hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Luna, and a brief unhappy affair with Edward (!), then follows the wise advice of Seth and finds true love with Carlisle." Bella and her brother-in-law to be, a vampire, are happy, unil Ginny, a witch, runs off with a werewolf. A broken hearted Bella has a hot one-night stand with another wand-waving witch, and has a brief affair with her FIANCEE, then follows the wise advice of the talkative sandy wolf, and finds true love with her ex-fiance's father...Do I need to point out what's wrong there?