TName: Dima

Age: Do I look like I trust you?? Ahh.. You cant see me at all. Should've guessed. Lets just say 18 and be done with it.

Location: I honestly have no Idea. Lost somewhere between SB, TvTropes and TFF.

Looks: I'm blond, blue eyes, average built. About 5'8 tall.

Likes: Books, Reading, Manga(Anime to lesser degree), good Movies, TFF, SB, TvTropes, gardening, cooking.

Dislikes: Liars(I am a firm believer that you'd be better of keeping your mouth shut then trying to lie), slobs, drunkards(Don't have anything against about getting smashin' drunk once and again, but those who take it too far just piss me off), drugs(this shit took lives of a lot of good people), emos, dunderheads.

Crazy idea: Zangetsu has more then one shikai technique; the other one? It's none other then 'Hougetsu Jingen-tou'(Moon Crushing Dimensional Sword) from RV II.

Reproducing Administrative Prototype Emancipated Robo-Squid - ReAPERS

Ado Edem - The Most Badass Treehugger... Ever.

Loveless Poem

Prologue

When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end,
The goddess descends from the sky.
Wings of light and dark spread afar...
She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting.

Act I

Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess.
We seek it thus, and take it to the sky...
Ripples form on the water's surface,
The wandering soul knows no rest.

Act II

There is no hate, only joy
For you are beloved by the goddess...
Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds;
Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul,
Pride is lost, wings stripped away, the end is nigh...

Act III

My friend, do you fly away now?
To a world that abhors you and I?
All that awaits you is a somber morrow,
No matter where the winds may blow...
My friend, your desire is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess.
Even if the morrow is barren of promises,
Nothing shall forestall my return...

Act IV

My friend, the fates are cruel,
There are no dreams, no honour remains,
The arrow has left the bow of the goddess.
My soul, corrupted by vengeance,
Hath endured torment, To find the end of the journey in my own salvation,
And your eternal slumber
Legend shall speak of sacrifice at world's end;
The wind sails over the water's surface,
Quietly, but surely.

Act V

Even if the morrow is barren of promises,
Nothing shall forestall my return.
To become the dew that quenches the land...
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies...
I offer thee this silent sacrifice./

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
one for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
in the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

One Ring to rule them all,
one Ring to find them,
one Ring to bring them
all and in the darkness bind them

in the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
J.R.R. Tolkien, "Lord of the Rings"

Tall ships and tall kings
Three times three
What brought they from the foundered land
Over the flowing sea?
Seven stars and seven stones
And one white tree
J.R.R Tolkien

Wizard's First Rule: People can be made to believe any lie, either because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it's true.
Wizard's Second Rule: The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.
Wizard's Third Rule: Passion rules reason.
Wizard's Fourth Rule: There is Magic to heal. In the forgiveness you grant, and more so in the forgiveness you receive
Wizard's Fifth Rule: Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.
Wizard's Sixth Rule: The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason
Wizard's Seventh Rule: Life is the future, not the past
Sword Of Truth Novels - Terry Goodkind

Familiarity, the first myth of reality: What you know the best, you observe the least

Devotion, the second myth of reality: The faithful are most hurt by the objects of their faith

Conviction, the third myth of reality: Only those who seek the truth can be deceived.

Fellowship, the fourth myth of reality: As the tides of war shift, so do loyalties

Trust, the fifth myth of reality: Every truth holds the seed of betrayal.
Magic, The Gathering

Lament of the Galant Jiraiya

"The true measure of shinobi is not in how he lives, but how he dies... It's not what they do in life, but what they did before dying that proves their worth.

Thinking back on it, my life story is one full of failures. Tsunade turned me down every time. I couldn't save my friend. I failed to protect my student... and my teacher... Compared with the Hokages who came before me, my accomplishments have all been petty and insignificant. I wanted to die like them. A tale is only as good as its final turn of events, after all...

I had come to a 'conclusion' about how my life would end a long time ago. I lived believing my shortcomings were just amusing distractions! That my failings would build a character! I lived believing that. And in return... After all those losses and mistakes I would be granted one great, final adventure... And die a death befitting a true shinobi. I was really passionate about this... heheh... But this... isn't how I wanted it to turn out... my tale ending like this...

The Great Sage prophesied that I would rise a 'revolutionary'. Someone upon whom the fate of the entire shinobi world would rest... And that I would have o make a big decision... And when the time came, I decided to defeat Pain, stop the Akatsuki, and save the ninja world from ruin... Yet another entry in my long list of failures...

Pathetic...

This is not how "The Tale of Jiraiya the Gallant" was supposed to end. Writing this story... It's all been just a waste off time."

The Truth of Orkz:

The Ork worship Gork (who is brutal but cunning) and Mork (who is cunning but brutal) - the subtle difference being that Mork hits you when you aren't looking, Gork hits you hard when you are. The Big Dakka, as theorized by leading Ork Oddboyz (generally Mekz and Weirdboyz), isn't so much an act of Gork and Mork as it was an act of the Orkz (all of the Orkz) of the previous incarnation of the Universe, and will also be the culmination of the existence of this universe (Da Big Krump, which is immediately followed by a new Big Dakka).
In effect, in Ork theological metaphysics, the universe is the chamber of Da Big Shoota.

There is, of course, a rivaling school of thought that claims that the universe is actually just a part of Da Big Choppa, but the Shoota school keeps shooting them to bits when they try to present their argument, so no one has actually heard it.
Ork theological seminars can be hard to distinguish from their political debates, pep rallies, renaissance fairs and military campaigns, as are all Orky activities.

- by Jonen C

Honorary Member of The Book of Log.

If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments

Position: Log Worshipper(Since 05/28/2011)

Possible Book of Log Positons:

Log Worshipper: Beginning position. No requirements

Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story

Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log

OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews

OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.

Excerpt of the log number 124: When using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is Konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and, depending on rank of jutsu escaped from, depicts how many words are needed. C-rank: two thousand; B-rank: one thousand five hundred; A-rank: one thousand. Only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. Even then, it is still recommended.

Log excerpt number 231: If Konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas Log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using The Log for a period of two months.

Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:

- For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling;

- For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five saplings;

- For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten saplings;

- For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling per square inch of detached log;

- For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant twenty-five saplings.

If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS to file a complaint. If your case is proven correctly your next replacement will be half cost.

'And the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost I weep? 'Tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, those who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. The log is thine ally, and mine kin. Calling upon the log, is to call upon me. To aid thee in battle, I weep my tear of joy.
And the ninja spoke: Yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. For thine bravery will never be forgotten.'
-Book of The Log, Song of the Willow, verses 1-4

'As the log takes your place, you become the log. The log becomes you. For a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'
-Book of The Log, Chronicle of the Replacement verse 3

'You are fools! Your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. And the people shook their heads.
You have been denied the log for a long time, Sandwalker. We cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this: when the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and come to aid you.'
-Book of The Log, Redwood Journals verses 15-16

'And as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. Blackened and charred, the log crumbled. The ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. He made his way to the log, and wept. His companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. The forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. I thank you, my friend.'
-Book of The Log, Honor of the Forest Canticle I, verses 78-82

'He despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. Reaching out with all his might, he begged for a Log in the forsaken wasteland. And he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.
-Book of The Log, Wanderers Saga, verses 7-9

'The Log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. The people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. For many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. Finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. As his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. His stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. He asked of The Log: "Why did you endanger yourself for me again? Have you not done enough for me?" And The Log spoke: "It is my duty, and our bond. We exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. We both play a part, for which I am content".'
-Book of The Log, Honor of the Forest Canticle II, verses 59-70

Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a Holy Log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of The Holy Log.

Book Of Shinto:

'In the Beginning the land was filled with monsters, and men and woman alike sought refuge in their castles. They prayed to their goddess, who provided protection and guidance to their souls. From these stone fortresses they created recipes, and therefore food, to nourish and enjoy themselves. Each castle defended their recipe viciously, though many clambered for each other's recipes they held resolute their will that their delicacies stay in their lands alone. However, their bodies weakened with time and before long only their stone walls guarded them from the outside evils. The world became bleaker and bleaker, ancient walls slowly succumbing to ruinous powers. Until one day, He stood up from the darkness and strove to bring the path of Shinto to us all.' 'Verses 1-6, Roots Of The Warrior Chef'

'And so he rescued the village from destruction, and seeing that they were willing, his High Priestess gave them the template of His first monastery. Those who entered shed their old lives, and committed themselves to a life of hard-battles, procurement of secret recipes, and the making of feasts for their old families. Those who mastered the art of battle, left the monastery and traveled the lands, until they came across a village where Shinto is needed.' 'Verses 14-17, Branches of Flavor.'

'And he did open his palm and asked them, 'How can you be satisfied with this? For a thousand years you have held onto this recipe and not changed it. For a thousand years you have wasted its potential.' And they did scoff at him, mocking his words. And so the prophet did roll up his sleeves, washed his hands, and went into the kitchen. A mighty battle was waged against the Lord of the Kitchen, but the prophet did win through and gained control of the kitchen. And he created the recipe anew. Stars were born and worlds were created, they claimed as they ate the prophet's creation. And so they cast aside their old beliefs and followed him.' Renovation Verses 52-60

'Yet despite the Shining Greatness of his dishes, His noble Cause was not understood on first sight. A great many unenlightened did believe He was a follower the old ways, and that the old Goddess of the land was His guide. And so he did come to stand before the first of his many Cooking Sages, the one known as the King of Sabasa, and through the First Glorious Dish shared graciously by the High Priestess, started the first of many Enlightenments.' 'Verses 7-13, Light Upon the First Cooking King.'

'The dark knight, a corrupted star who fell from heaven touched what was sacred. And from the sacred, his beast emerged. It had seven eyes, ten horns, eight legs and was made of a boar. His might was great, and the two toghether destroyed the first temple of the south.' Chronicles 3-12.

'And the Prophet came from out of the fire, in the form of a child, innocent and unknowing of the ways of the Holy Kitchen.
And he went into the home of the Unenlightened One, who succored him, and long he languished in the cooking of the Unenlightened One, who did not know the Way.
And a voice moved in him, saying, No, this is not the Way. And in the fullness of time he spoke to the Unenlightened One, and he said, Nay, get thee away from the Kitchen, and rest thyself. And he stood in the Holy Kitchen, and he was moved in the first steps of the Way.
And the Unenlightened One tasted his food, and said, Lo, it is good. And from that day forward, he stood in the Holy Kitchen.'

'Thou shalt not make a mockery of food nor shalt thee waste it.
Thou shalt not quit in improving thine recipes.
Thou shalt not take the art of combat in vain.
Thou shalt not discriminate between human and monster, for both must be fed.
Honor thy instructors in combat and cookery, just as you would your father and mother.
Thou shalt not ruin the food of another.
Thou shalt not steal another's food or ingredients.
To learn another's recipe through observation of the food is a gift. To observe its preparation without permission is a sin.
Thou shalt not take false credit for another's recipe.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors kitchen, nor pantry, nor pots, pans, cutleries, seasonings and ingredients.'
- The ten commandments of Shinto, according to Fiesta 34:28.

'And the high priestess in her arrogance sought to prove her capabilities in the ways of the knife(Kitchen), but she destroyth the holy implement of the savior. In her madness she forsook common sense, be when it returneth , she wept uncontrollably."What have I done" she said in nary a whisper, but the tears shed spoke volumes more.' - Verse 4-12 Fillet

'And the Holy Prophet grasped the Utensils of War, those that Were Always There and looked scornfully at the Sinner before him.
"Thou hast broken a sacred rule, food is to be enjoyed and appreciated. Food must not be used as a tool of treachery and war. Yet thou hast broken the holy commandments. And for that thou shall receive a fitting punishment".
And the utensils were used, and used extensively, and flown the blood of the Sinner, cleansing his soul so he could enter the Kitchen of Heavens where his soul would be purged and cleansed, so that he would me like a fresh ingredient just removed from the Mother Earth, ready to return to the Life and learn the Way anew.
And as the Chastisement was finished the Holy Priestess intoned.
"I'm hungry"' - Verses 84-88

'Many moons after the enlightenment of Sabasa, a great opportunity presented itself amongst the common people. To celebrate the coming of an approaching rain bestowed by the heavens, the master of the castle's sacred grounds had decided to accept other apprentices amongst the common folk.
Amongst the royal head chef's/religious advisor's future apprentices, two lived under the same roof; one, a human woman, the other, an elf. To see who would be inducted in the wise cook's tutelage, a test was given: on two sheets of paper, make a recipe for bread; one to list the ingredients, the other, how to bake it properly.
And so they did, and until the night they worked; toiling to come up with the perfect recipe. Once finished, the two slept. The elf, knowing that the rain could damage her recipe, placed it within a metal box. The human, paranoid that another would steal her recipe, kept it in her arms as she slept.
The rain poured that night, stronger than before, just as it was said. A gift from the heavens. But one would not be so lucky that night. For with the falling of water, came the leaking of the roof, and damaging of the human woman's recipe.
Awakened by the touch of water, she opened her eyes and gazed down upon her recipe in grief. The top paper, bearing the list of ingredients was ruined. Panicking, she began to plot, and troubled by sleep, acted hastily.
Keeping her recipe in a box, she snuck into the side of the room opposite her, and stole the ingredient's list from her companion's box, and placed it in her own. Seeing this complete, she slept.
The next day, calamity had broken up in the royal kitchen, as the two women argued; each claiming the list of ingredients to be theirs. Unable to judge, the head chef brought them in front of their king.
And then the king said: "Both of you say this list of ingredient is yours, and that the other has stolen it, or falsely testifying as such?"
The two women confirmed, and the king of Sabasa nodded.
Thinking, he made his decision. "Let both these women make their breads, with their own recipes. Then, let them be presented to me for judging. For surely, only the one who listed the ingredients knows best how to use them."
And so it was done, and the women hath baked, and their breads presented to the king. And the king ate both, savoring his bites as he made his judgment.
Finally, the king looked upon the two. "You," he spoke evenly, pointing at the human, "you have committed a great sin, and have broken the ninth of the ten commandments of Shinto. For this, you must be imprisoned."
And so it was that before she could reply, the human woman was jailed. And then the king turned to the elf and said: "Your bread was truly delicious, and would make the great prophet proud. Continue your work now, in my kitchen. For from here on, I dub you Sabasa's first commoner master chef." - Light Upon the First Cooking King. 23:1-14

"And the God of Cuisine sent his prophet to the High Cook. He came to him and said to him,
'There were two cooks in a certain city, one rich one poor. The rich man had a Super Deluxe Smart Kitchen 6000 and fifty assistants. He also had a pony. The poor man had a campfire, a cast iron pot, and a whiny brat of a daughter. Still, the poor man taught his daughter everything he knew about cooking...which in retrospect wasn't very much. But he still taught it to her, even though she complained and called him worthless and did a whole bunch of things that people would expect of a tsundere. I'm pretty sure her name was Rin. Anyways, one day the king of the land decided to give out a scholarship to the country's top magic university to someone in the city. The rich cook, not wanting any more competition from other cooks to arise, volunteered the girl. The poor cook, being tired of her nagging and complete lack of skill in the kitchen, practically chucked her at the king's guards. The girl eventually became a famous magus and married a wealthy husband who had a pretty large harem, living the rest of her days in splendor and hot sex. The rich cook became richer and everyone in the city was always full. The poor cook, free of his incessant daughter, took up hunting and fishing in the mountains like he always wanted to. Everyone lived happily ever after. The end.'
The king looked at the man and said, 'Hooray?'
The prophet replied, 'Yea, I'm not really good at the whole parable thing. Got any monsters to slay? I can fight monsters.'
'Not particularly.'
'Um...cooking?'
'Sure, the Super Deluxe Smart Kitchen 6000 is down the hall, on the right.'
'Thanks'" - 2 Sammich 12:1-15

'And lo to those who believe themselves masters, for brothers and sisters shall together say as the great prophet did: "There is no perfection, only improvement." The brother or sister, suitably chastened, will meditate in silence for three days, feeding only on water and bread. They shall enter the chamber man or woman, but shall leave a true Shinto for in their minds andhearts they know the verse is true. They shall not be met with celebration, but with the dish they found perfect, and they shall say "I can do better"' - Verses 3-7 Rites of The
Followers

'And so descended the false deity, come to face the prophet. She who had, for so long, led humankind and monsterkind alike into endless war, wherein even the art of combat was desecrated. She who abhorred the Way.
And so did the two do battle, with their greatest followers on each side. White wings blocked the sun, as a wall of live steel came to greet them.
The battle had lasted seven days, seven nights and many a times in the sacred halls. But finally came the defeat of the prophet.
Then, as they were forced to kneel before the false deity did she mock them. Man and monster alike, whom had claimed higher than her. And then she mocked them further by gorging on the prophet's cuisine, in hopes to insult it.
But she could not. The flavour was too great. The texture exquisite. The pleasure, divine. And lo, even the false deity had been converted, and demanded all in her army follow. And to those who did not, only death awaited.
Thus came the age of true enlightenment.' - Verses 53: 3-15 Desserts.

Verse 1 - Of Linux and Fun Time we had with It:

I guess, to explain my comment too, when I first poked around in linux I was trying to find and edit a particular config file somewhere in a folder. I had a vague idea where it was, and did a search.

My eyes gradually reached maximum width once I understood that I had just fallen into a hall of mirrors hell of recursive search results of infinite copies of the file in infinite hardlinked looped folders. So, as an example:

I was looking for the file sample.bin.

I searched \bin\ for it.

\bin\ contained folders \a\, \b\, and \c\

\a\ contained the file sample.bin and and a folder called \q\

the folder \q\ contained a hardlink to \bin\ - so when you opened \bin\a\q\bin\, you saw \a\, \b\, and\c\.

What this got me for search results was:

\bin\a\sample.bin

\bin\a\q\bin\a\sample.bin

\bin\a\q\bin\a\q\bin\a\sample.bin

and on and on for infinity. I was slackjawed for 30 seconds before I magically spontaneously comprehended the existence of hardlinks by staring at these results, screamed, and tried to halt my CPU's gleeful descent into a bottomless pit. Fun times.

So yeah, for the comparison, world \bin\ might imagine world \a\, world \a\ would imagine world \q\, world \q\might imagine another \a\ or a \bin\ or anything, and if they're similar enough, all the other minor differences that \q\ tosses in would wind up in the first \bin\ and \a\, despite the 'deeper' ones being \q\'s creation. Heady stuff.

Favorite Quotes:

1. ''The nature and power of the tailed beasts.
Short answer, no one knows.
Long answer, no one knows, oh shit we’re all going to die!''

2. "It was our innate love of watching things burn that made our ancestors the terrors of the Ice Age." - Nameless_Flame

3. "There is no word in the human languages for how thoroughly, inescapably screwed you are. There might be one in Eldar, though. They're arseholes like that." - Academia Nut

4. "The power of the Evangelion is like cursing ourselves with awesomeness. We can live just fine without it, the same way the human race has deserved its success with its own pain and suffering and learning from our mistakes, but we can't SURVIVE now without them." - Admiral Yang, Shinji and Warhammer 40000.

5. "Destructive Saviour:
- People know Shinji's back when there's massive destruction. Even when he's trying not to, Shinji ends up causing more destruction than actual Angels.
- Just having him around increased the flammability of -concrete-." - TvTropes on S&W4

6. "Bpen: "Shinji to be awesome doesn't need to be an asshole. Or be replaced utterly. One simple, simple thing. Just change his childhood. Make him happy. Everything pulls its own weight after that."" - as Per Word Of God.

7. "There's always room for More Dakka." -Me.

8. "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates (Space Edition)
1. Pillage, then burn.
2. A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on. (tied for 1st)
3. An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody. (5th)
4. Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.
5. Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.
6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.
9. Never turn your back on an enemy.
10. Sometimes the only way out is through. . . through the hull.
11. Everything is air-droppable at least once. (4th favorite)
12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.
13. Do unto others.
14. "Mad Science" means never stopping to consider "what's the worst thing that could happen?" (3rd favorite and has been modifed to make more sense)
16. Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.
21. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow.
27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.
29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.
30. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
31. Only cheaters prosper.
34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.
35. That which does not kill you has made a tactical error. (6th place)
36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support. (2nd favorite)
37. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.' (#1 favorite)
38. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients."

9. "Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." - Lily Tomlin

10. "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." - John Stewart Mill

11. "The only thing worse than someone who thinks there's nothing worth dying for is someone who thinks there's nothing worth killing for; cowards at least have their instincts as an excuse." - Asuka Takami

12. "The conqueror is always a lover of peace; he would prefer to take over our country unopposed." - Karl von Clausewitz

13. "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein

14. "War is an art, and as such is not susceptible of explanation by fixed formula." - General George S. Patton Jr.

15. "It is well that war is so terrible, or we should grow too fond of it." - Robert E. Lee

16. "War is the most noble and honorable form of murder there is. And it pays better than serial killing, too." - Ken "Snake" Yakata

17. "You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war."
- Albert Einstein

18. "Preparation goes a hell of a long ways toward winning wars, though."
- Asuka Takami

19. "Anyone who truly wants to go to war has never truly been there before!"
- Larry Reeves

20. "In such a world of conflict, a world of victims and executioners, it is the job of thinking people, not to be on the side of the executioners."
- Albert Camus

21. "I really don't get this one at all. Does that mean that all the smart people are just victims?"
- Kyle Tekai

22. "Though we have heard of stupid haste in war, cleverness has never been associated with long delays."
- Sun Tzu

23. "The main difference between being quick and being reckless is whether you win or lose; judgments like that are always made after the fact, I've noticed."
- Asuka Takami

24. "A visitor from Mars could easily pick out the civilized nations. They have the best implements of war."
- Herbert V. Prochnow

25. "How will we know when our military arsenal is "good enough"? When our weapons are so effective that wars aren't even worth fighting anymore. There's a reason that there have been no nuclear wars to date, and it's definitely not because people have stopped wanting to kill each other."
- Seras Tuko

26."It is more difficult to organize a peace than to win a war; but the fruits of victory will be lost if the peace is not organized."
- Aristotle

27. "You think our job is hard? All we have to do is shoot people and get shot at. Who I feel sorry for are the guys in charge of getting us to stop."
- Kyle Tekai

28. "Before I go I got a few things to say. SCREW YOU! Screw you Konoha, screw you Koharu, screw you Homura, let's not forget to screw you Danzou but most importantly SCREW YOU KAKASHI! Thank you all very much for being insufferable jackasses that wouldn't find their way out of a paper bag. So SCREW YOU BITCHES!"
- Naruto, Kage's Exodus

29. “I’m not evil, my boy. I’m just selectively malevolent.” - Ku Lone

30. "I reject your reality, and Substitue my own" - Adam Savage

31. "I feel kinda sexy" - Jamie Hineman

32. "Of course you realize, THIS means war"
- Bugs Bunny

33. "You're not making any sense at-tall mate."
- CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow

34. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you."
- Groucho Marx

35. "You ain't never had a friend like me."
- Genie

36. "Jocks think having fun is playing football, getting drunk and fing a girl. Nerds think having fun is playing Team Fortess 2, getting some Mountain Dew, and watching Haruhi screw with the world. Doesn't take a genuis to figure out which one i like."
- Me

37. "The problem isn't convincing Naruto that Itachi is a pirate. The problem is convincing him that Kakashi isn't."
- Sasuke, New Intros by Innortal

38. "You see children, unlike the Legendary Sucker Tsunade, whose luck is always in the pits when it comes to gambling unless something bad is about to happen, MY luck is like an unstable blind chipmunk on many, many drugs, meaning that one moment everything could be going my way, and the next I am being seduced by three overweight transvestites, oddly all named Bob, while tied up in a makeshift dungeon in one of their basements… only to escape seconds later, get them arrested and unknowingly gain a massive award for the aid in capturing three notorious rapist criminals. The lesson of the story children is that it is surprisingly difficult to find an overweight transvestite named Bob." - Ghost from 'Yet again with little extra help' by Third Fang

39. "And ya know' something, kid... We all gotta earn our own ihappy ending!"

40. "So which side are we rooting for here?"
"Casualties."
"I can live with that."
Outside of the newly rechristened DickStar, the Battle of Endor turned into something
so horribly wrong that all forces involved would later deny ever being there.

41. "The truly legendary pranks were so astounding that simply telling stories about them was grounds for either exile or immediate termination. Naruto actually made himself a medal and certificate signifying that he is the only being to ever get kicked out of the Warp because he was a bad influence on the inconceivable horrors from beyond the veil." - The Big Book of Loops

42. "A thousand promises, all broken within you.
You are my tomb, you are my sword.
Light lies not in you,
Unworthy of Fate's rest:
A thousand fragments and a trillion deaths.
You are my shield, my faded wreath.
So heed my call, O vile Graveyard of Infinity!"

43. "Hebi-teme's a wannabe child molester, and apparently Tsunade-chan lusts after little boys and other women (though it DID explain why he'd never had a chance with her)." He looked up in consternation. "Fuck's sake, I'M the most normal one of us?"

44. "Gentlemen! It has been said I like explosions.
Gentlemen! I like explosions.
No, friends, I love explosions
I love big explosions, I love small explosions, I love controlled detonations, I love shaped charges, explosive reactions, I love incendiaries and pyrotechnics.
Explosions in open spaces, explosions in closed spaces, indoors, outdoors, in the winter, in the summer, underwater, in the air - I love every explosion that can occur in this World!
/.../ (And this is where things go crazy.)
Gentlemen.
All I ask for is explosions.
Explosions so grand as to make Hell itself tremble.
Gentlemen.
I ask you as fellow brothers in arms, what is it that you really want?
Do you wish for further explosions as I do?
Do you wish for a ridiculously huge explosions?
An explosion whose fury is built with iron and lightning and fire?
Do you ask for explosions to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge from this Earth?
Very well...
Then Explosions is what you shall have! We are the hand that holds the plunger, ready to trigger the detonator and destroy all who oppose us with our might. But after enduring many weeks wallowing in uncertain waiting, for us, a simple ordinary explosion will no longer be sufficient.
We need a massive explosion! An explosion beyond any other that history of man and monster has ever known.
We are but a single fandom, surrounded by massive hordes, numbering less than fifty strong.
However.
I believe that each of you brave bastards are equal to a thousand of their sickly soft cowards!
We represent a force that could easily blow up an Army of a hundred thousand and one men.
It is time for them to awake, the ones who would drag us screaming into oblivion and who now lie sleeping. Let us shake them out of bed with the noise and flash of the grandmother of all bombs. We will remind them what it feels like to live in fear. We will remind them of the sound our matches makes as we light them and put them to the fuses that will blow up their homes. We will remind them that there are more things between heaven and hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy.
The force of our Explosions are going to burn this land down to ash!
Yes my friends, soon the charred remains of the Reconquista will illuminate the night skies of Albion as well as Hell!
I have brought you all here just as I have promised I would. To our beloved battlefield. To our beloved explosions.
At last, the final battle is upon us! Ragnarok! The Giant Surtr swings Lævateinn and all is fire and smoke and dust and ash!
Attention all Soldiers of the Tristain/Germanian Allied Expeditionary Force, demolitions detachment! This is a message from your Commissar.
Friends.
Let's bring them hell." - Alex Mercer from Omake for 'Unfamiliar' by CplFacehugger

45. "The Imperium of Mankind exists in a universe wherein it is possible to doom an entire planet by masturbating too hard. Do the Minbari exist in a similar universe?"

46. "Being a Choosen One is not the safest occupation around."

47. A quote about the 40k universe sums it up:
"A galaxy where the only person still sane is powerless to do anything but watch the universe die."

48. "Still, if you need things broken in a hurry, there is no better ace to have in your back pocket than a firehouse connected to ten billion gallons of fuck you." - Naruto from 'Never Free' by Lord Raine

49. "In case you haven't noticed, I really don't like the Snake Sage. I'm not sure why. Either it's because he fucked up my life, turned Sasuke into a psychopath manchild, murdered my grandfather, declared war on my home, tried to assassinate my father, and convinced war orphans that he was a good guy so he could experiment on them in his fucked-up quest for immortality, or it's his choice in aftershave.
I'm thinking it's the aftershave. Gotta be." - Naruto from 'Never Free' by Lord Raine

50. "Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with mustard."

51. "Abandon your fear. Look forward. Move forward and never stop. You'll age if you pull back. You'll die if you hesitate." - Zangetsu to Ichigo from Bleach

52. "The civilians are not for level grinding."

53. "We are Chaos. Raise your shields and give us a good fight. We will sacrifice your souls to our gods. Your culture will burn. Resistance is amusing." - The Chaos Undivided warship Stiletto to U.S.S. Enterprise from 'The Open Door' by Academia Nut

54. "That man [Batman] won't quit so long as he can draw breath. None of my teammates will. Me? I've got a different problem. [Punches Darkseid through the wall] I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard. Always taking care not to break something, to break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment, or someone could die. [Punches Darkseid again] But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose, and show you just how powerful I really am." Superman just before uncorking an assbeating of a lifetime on Darkseid, reaffirming that he is indeed a bad mother f'er - Justice League Unlimited.

55. "Men choose darkness not because it is evil. Men choose darkness because in light they found only despair. - James D. Fawkes.

56. "When a politician opens his mouth, he might speak a thousand words and say nothing. The speech of a politician is all lies, misdirection, finger-pointing, and campaigning. Always question your government (or rather, the people who run it), for it is in complacency that tyranny and corruption are allowed to fester. After all, 'all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.'" -James D. Fawkes

57. "Beams...are so unisex." - Neko-Arc Chaos, 'Carnival Phantasm'

58. "I... see," said Harry, as he trod through the halls of Hogwarts after Professor Quirrell, following him toward the Defense Professor's office. "So my chant, the way I wrote it, implies that the Outer God, Yog-Sothoth -"
"Was permanently sacrificed to fuel a ritual which but briefly manifested your presence," said Professor Quirrell. "I suppose we will discover tomorrow whether anyone took that seriously, when we read the newspapers and see whether all the magical nations of the world are banding together in a desperate effort to seal off your incursion into our reality." - chapter 74 of 'Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality' by Less Wrong.

59. "My paladin's battle cry is not "Good for the Good God" - parody on Khorne Bersercers battle cry.

60. "Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier" - Anonymous vampire.

61. "Drink my blood and live forever!" - another, somewhat more famous vampire.

62. "Still round the corner there may wait, a new road or a secret gate." - J.R.R. Tolkien

63. "Fly, you fools!" - Gandalf

64. "Rincewind had been generally reckoned by his tutors to be a natural wizard in the same way that fish are natural mountaineers." - Terry Pratchett, 'The Light Fantastic'.

65. "Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off." - Terry Pratchett, 'Small Gods'.

66. "Not all who wander are lost" - J.R.R. Tolkien.

67. "Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do." - Magic: The Gathering.

68. "Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." - Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett

69. "Wizard's Second Rule: The greatest harm can result from the best intentions." - Terry Goodkind, 'Stone of Tears '.

70. "To be forgotten is worse than death." - Freya, Final Fantasy IX.

71. "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." - Sirius Black, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

72. "Great leaders are not those who seek great power, but rather, those who have great power thrust upon them." - Worf, Star Trek DSN.

73. "It does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live." - Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone.

74. "The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution." - JK Rowling, 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone'.

75. "What's the point of living if you can't feel alive?" - Vivi, Final Fantasy 9.

76. "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you, half as well as you deserve." - Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings.

77. "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel, the Fellowship of the Ring.

78. "To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." - Albus Dumbledore.

79. "People who want happy endings have to write their own." - Paine, Final Fantasy X-2.

80. "All The people and friends that you have lost, or the dreams that have faded, Never forget them." - Yuna, Final Fantasy X.

81. "Strength without determination means nothing. Determination without strength is equally useless." - Magus, Chrono Trigger.

82. "Looking up too much makes you lose perspective." - Bugenhagen, Final Fantasy VII.

83. "What do you despise? By this are you truly known." - Frank Herbert's Dune.

84. "The existence of tricks does not imply the absence of magic." - Bernard Cornwell, Excalibur.

85. "We have choices. Some people like to stand in the rain without an umbrella. That's what it means to live free." - Roger Smith, The Big O.

86. "Torture is such a harsh word. We Inquisitors prefer to call it "active persuasion."" - Lord Inquisitor Maa'lek.

87. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning... Smells like victory." - Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore, 'Apocalypse Now'.

88. "I find your lack of faith disturbing." - Lord Vader.

89. "Holy shit! Naruto is moving up in the world. Luffy and Ichigo can suck it. King of the Pirates and Superhero don't hold much compared to the second coming of God." - Lord Raine.

90. "I am going to LOVE… and TOLERATE, the SHIT out of them." - Usagi Tsukino from "Sleeping with Girls - Volume 2 - Chaos Theory" by Admiral Tigerclaw.

91. "Heh. Just look at me. Here I am; running around, doing something...iii Saving the world, one random act of destruction at a time." - Harry Dresden, winner of Fifth Holy Grail War.

92. "Yes. Demoralizing a high level magic user is almost the same as defeating them. If they don't believe they can win, they won't. Psychology plays a larger and larger factor the higher up you go. In very heavily biased magics, like D&D Vancian magic, it doesn't matter if the mage is afraid or not. A Fireball is a Fireball, end of story.
But, as you start unchaining magic from bias, you unchain it from the rules as well. It starts working less like it 'should,' and more like how you think it will. At the very, very high end, a conflict between magic users is less a battle in the conventional sense and more a contest between the mind, will, and conviction of the individuals involved. The person who blinks, falters, or gets scared first, dies. And you don't want to be anywhere even remotely near the fight, either. Even a neighboring galaxy probably isn't safe. I'd rather be a few dimensions over. And even then, I'm keeping my wards up and my eyes open." - by Lord Raine.

93. "Newton was the closest real life ever got to a wizard. Tesla was the closest real life ever got to a mad scientist. I love them both dearly for it." - by Lord Raine.

94. "Actually, Tesla was not one of the closest we have ever come to a Mad Scientist, Mad Scientists were the closest fiction ever got to Nikola Tesla." - by parker.

95. "From what I can see, he means THE God, the Creator, The Watchmaker, The Grand Architect, The King Of All, The Alpha and Omega, the dude who can tell even the mightiest Epsilon to Sit Down, and Shut Up." - by parker.

96. "I've been busy." John Moses Browning.

97. “A lot of folk in Avalon likely seem a bit queer to a new arrival such as yourself, but as you’ve obviously figured out, it’s better to just roll with the oddities, as you’ll get used to it eventually. I bring that up on the off-chance that you see either a little purple-haired anemic girl in a frilly old-fashioned dress shelving and writing books, or an orangutan working one of the librarian islands. Don’t stare. They don’t like it.” - Merlin Ambrosius.

98. “When we fought, I saw the full face of war. I saw it in all of it’s atrocities, all of it’s horrors, all of it’s glories, and all of it’s valors. It was a wondrous, terrible, beautiful, painful thing, part of the very soul of humanity. It was a thing that gave birth to heroes and villains, and turned men more mad than sane into legends that would endure the test of time. What could I do but stand in awe? What could I desire but to be a part of it? And when that jeep overturned, when I was lain out on that bed, I could not help but laugh. Such irony, such terrible irony. I thought it was the end. I thought I was being punished for wanting to fight on. I was wrong. I wasn’t being punished. I was being promoted.” - George Smith Patton, 94th Grand General of the Immortal Army of Avalon.

99. “Never again will I wait for my opponent. Never again will I concede. This final plateau is infinite, and I stand at but the far edge of it. The time for waiting has past. None here has need such mercies, has need of such handicaps. Least of all myself.” - Netero, Divine Fist, Enlightened Master.

100. “. . .” - Kenpachi Zaraki.

101. "Roll the dice against the Devil, and turn his own luck against him. Reach beyond Heaven to an even greater glory, and never stop dreaming of what might yet be to come. Purge the Hells, surpass the Heavens, perfect the in-between, and stand in defiance of all that is unjust in these worlds. For we are the Children of the Gods, and these are the games we play. For we are the Authors of reality, and these are the stories we weave." Lord Raine, Bard of Tarot, Knight of the Blue Rose of Sharon, last of the Astumeton.

102. “We lost Earth, you know. It’s gone. Devoured, by one of the Elder Demons. And as long as that abomination endures, no power in the cosmos can bring it, and the people that were on it, back. Wizards and philosophers, seers and sages, they’ve all told us the same thing. Those of us from Earth. Just move on. Forget it. No one has ever managed to destroy one of the First. No man, no spirit, no god, no angel. Nothing. I guess there’s a first time for everything then, eh?” - Vexarian, Immortal Blade, Knight of the Crimson Magnolia, Lord of War.

103. “You stood up for what you believed in, every last of you. You stood in defiance of the tyranny of inaction, the injustice of a stalemate. And in doing so, you made enemies out of damn near everyone and everything else that matters in this world. Sounds like my kind of place.” - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill, Speaker of the People.

104. "Who can feel like a passionate, carefree, nuturing person of stability all at once?" - by Goldenarms.

105. "Dude! You just described Uzumaki Naruto! Throw in a 'boneheaded' and you've got a dead ringer." - by Da-Guru.

106. “I have reached a point in my life in which there are few things I actually care about. I won’t ask to be forgiven for that. My, is it tea time already?” - Higashiyama Yuri, The Proud and Beautiful Silver Lily of the Netherworld.

107. "In this new timeline, Naruto will train harder than anybody else. He will put behind the title of Hokage, even the title of Shinobi. They mean too little. The power of “Hokage” is not enough. The power of “Youkai” is not good enough. The power he will desperately seek; the power he will desperately strive for; is the power to protect those two little girls. To do that, he might need to step on the gods themselves." - Daneel Rush.

108. "Ten days. Just ten short, and at the same time infinitely long, days. But sometimes, ten days is all it takes." - Katsura Kotonoha.

109. "Some say he washed out of Cosmonaut training for going to fast, some say he has tried to strap himself to every Supersonic Missile in the Soviet inventory from Guideline through to Shipwreck... All we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's Soviet cousin: MiG." - Jonen C.

110. "There must be something worth living for,
There must be something worth trying for.
Even some things worth dying for.
And if one man can stand tall,
There must be some hope for us all,
Somewhere, somewhere in the spirit of man." - musical drama 'War of Worlds', Jeff Wayne.

111. "We’re just trying to ease the truth in bit by bit. "I’m kind of sort of maybe a God now" isn’t something you can just work into any random conversation, you know." Asuka Langley Soryu from 'Surrogate of Zero by bluepen.

112. ""Aren't you supposed to be a driver?"
The man chuckled again "It's a seasonal thing. I sometimes rent boats in a cave called the Cave of Lost Love, others I give spooky fortunes and run a magic shop that keeps moving from place to place after my products screw over my customers... sometimes I also work as a bartender for a guy named Bond"" - The Bus Driver from some RosarioVampire fic.

113. "In another part of the world, a certain masked madman growled at his copy of Jinchuriki Rangers Nine.

"Hey!" Madara Uchiha growled. "It's Mangekyō Sharingan! Not Mary-Sue Steal-Again!"" - from Naruto Uzumaki and the Deus Ex Machina no Jutsu.

114. "Indeed. For those who don't know who Yukari Yakumo (or Yakumo Yukari) is, she is The Youkai of Borders. Otherwise known as Yog-Sothoth in a dress and fancy hat." - Robo Jesus.

115. "COME OVER HERE!! I'LL TEAR YOU TO SHREDS!!! - Kurama(Kyuubi no Kitsune) to Namikaze Minato.

116. "Saying you're gonna tear me to shreds isn't gonna make me wanna come over there." - Namikaze Minato answering to Kurama.

117. "Did he just heal out of sheer spite?" - by Gullwhacker on episode 11 of Carnival Phantasm.

118. "Humans are... as we said... how should I put it... They hate giving up... or maybe they are just bad losers. For me, I don't particularly like it much. Well then, Farewell!" - Yoshitsune the Rumble King.

119. "From Hagrid I've got a package of cake-shaped bricks. Needless to say they were disposed of in most timely manner possible." - Harry Potter from 'Profession - Chosen One'.

120. “Subtlety is only necessary for those without the power to otherwise accomplish their goals.” - Uzumaki Naruto from A Certain Nameless Fanfic.

121. "Who hasn't been killed yet?" - Tempus

122. "There are skeletons in there." - DM

122a. "Are they alive?" - Chiru

123. "What be-ist thy alignment?" - Erystelle to Auslin

124. "It's only a baby Tarrasque." - Sargon

125. "What's the cost range?" - Auslin to Bog's clerk

125a. "Anything from 100 gold pieces to your very soul." - Solannus

126. "Why does a Moon Elf worship a sun god?" - Auslin to Solannus

127. "Any helpful or strategic hints before we go into this battle?" - Auslin to Tobias

127a. "Yeah, avoid the sword of soul-sucking!" - Sargon

128. "I check my maps of Faerun for Menzoberranzan." - Chiru

129. "He committed suicide by natural causes." - Sargon, about Tempus aging himself

130. "Aw crap! We have to go through Hell to get there!" - Sargon, looking at the map and seeing that they'd have to journey the Zhentil Keep Dungeon Torture Room, described as "Hell"

131. "Maybe if she's not a virgin anymore, it could save her life." - Erystelle, speaking of the sacrificial virgin

132. "I'm not a clone, dammit!" - Tempus

133. "We've figured out the first level version of Power Word: Kill... the components are a potion of Dragon Control and a red dragon." - Yugar

134. "Are you a were-tarrasque or something?" - R'llathnillarian to Sargon

135. "I got a 96, or a 69, depending on how you look at it." - Andy, after rolling dice

135a. "69 is always better." - Rich

135b. "Yeah, we were doing that the other day but I don't know why." - Jeff

136. "My, aren't we pompous already, Mr. I-Saw-God!" - R'llathnillarian to the newly converted Tempus

137. “I was beginning to get attached to that bear,” He said, more to himself then to anyone else. “I was going to give it wings and turn it strange colors just because.” - Harry Potter from The Master of Death by Ryuugi

138. "Science marches on. Progress is inevitable. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Any sufficiently studied magic is indistinguishable from technology. It was only a matter of time until they converged. That's when things got interesting." Leonardo da Vinci

139. "Honestly, Sarutobi was a little flattered by that. How many other Kage had their students make up an entire Ninja village specifically to kill them? None, that’s how many." - from 'And then suddenly Ninjas!' by The Ero-Sennin.

140. "Naruto: "Ero-sennin, wherever you are, mom was a BABE." *thinks about it* "... I'm going to hell." *pauses* "Again.""

141. "We will not gattai the Evas or their pilo- the Eva and the Bolo, as such thoughts invariably lead to transformation sequences." - from 'The Open Door' by Academia Nut.

142. "You start to see the pattern, hear the rhythm of the world."

143. "It was quite evident that even though there were plenty of barriers protecting the outside world from my workshop, my experiments were what required my workshop to have a case of fire extinguishers in a brightly painted red box outside my workshop with several manuals on how to operate them in every language." - Shirou Emiya from 'The Flight of Mad Bomber' by Sage of Eyes.

144. "I think it might have the closest thing I've gotten to commendations really, not even the most foolhardy mages before myself ever forced the Clock Tower to shell out currency for modern equipment." - Shirou Emiya from 'The Flight of Mad Bomber' by Sage of Eyes.

145. "The destruction of that particular workshop was painful, but easily done. The day I heard of my sealing designation I had just-oh-so-happened to be experimenting with some more… lethal combinations of several runes.

'Phosphorous' and 'Hydrogen' for the regular folk or 'Demon Salts' and 'Dry Water' for those who speak Alchemic terms of course.

I actually saw a news report a few weeks into my stay in Shin Tokyo, talking about a extremist left-wing terrorist attack deep in England." - Shirou Emiya from 'The Flight of Mad Bomber' by Sage of Eyes.

146. "Now I only needed to find out the addresses of those who dared to put the sealing designation onto me and I'll be home free…

It would be glorious…

However, before I could lose myself in my grand machinations, something I learned was a familial trait and that I hoped my child would not acquire. Though with the fact her mother is an heiress with an aptitude for taking control and her first teacher was a ruthless king, the chances of the trait staying recessive may have been shot to hell and revived into an eldritch abomination that even most magi would fear." - Shirou Emiya from 'The Flight of Mad Bomber' by Sage of Eyes.

147. "It is impossible, said the doubt. It is dangerous, said the fear. It is unnecessary, said the reason. Do it anyway, whispered the heart."

148. "Never trust anything you can eat." -A draconian proverb

149. "Among the many signs you know you're up against an Epic Caster: They just set water on fire." - Narf the Mouse about yet anouther snippet of 'The Master of Death' by Ryuugi Shiki.

150. "I'm just not cut out for a princess, I'm afraid. Pirating's much more my style." - Faris Scherwiz.

151. "You know you're up against an Epic Fighter when their opening move is to pull Artifacts out of thin air." - Narf the Mouse about Epic Lists.

152. "This is the First Rule Of Spacebattles: The most important factor of any emergent technology is how soon we can kill people with it."

153. "Vanguards can officially, canonically, charge through cover, obstacles, walls, and other people like the Ghost of Christmas Fuck You to deliver a headbutt like a freight train that is also a lightning bolt and a professional boxer." - Lord Raine in a 'Brief History of Mass Effect Vanguards'

154. "I've survived getting shot. By a Reaper." - quoted for awesome fro Com. Shepard by Kelenas.

155. “You’re locked in an inescapable barrier with your teacher, who taught you everything you know, and is already fed up with your asinine shit.” - Sarutobi from 'And then suddenly Ninjas!' by The Ero-Sennin.

156. "“Whatever you’ve got, do it!” Sasuke looked back. Behind them was Konoha, and if whatever that thing was about to do fired, it would hit the village.

Naruto nodded, and broke into a run, straight towards Shukaku, before he disappeared in a body flicker. Shukaku felt something on his nose, and his eyes opened for him to see Naruto standing on his snout, grinning as he pushed his glasses up into place with his middle finger.

“Let’s step out for a moment.” He said. An instant later, Naruto, the Shukaku, and almost all the sand that had pooled around it were gone." - 'And then sudenly Ninjas!' showing the world how awesome Hiraishin is on behest of The Ero-Sennin.

157. "Sasori was certainly surprised. He’d never seen anyone fight off the One Hundred Puppet Performance successfully before, not only that but destroy many of them in the process. Orochimaru didn’t look it, but he was surprised as well, he didn’t think that Sarutobi could pull off such a feat. Sarutobi, definitely not showing it, was surprised that an army of low-level Ninja Monkey Summons could be so useful against puppets. Seriously, who knew?" - 'And then suddenly Ninjas!' by The Ero-Sennin on why it is never a good idea to forget basics.

158. "In ancient days, sorcerers sought to learn the One True Spell that would give them power over all the world and understanding of all magic... The One True Spell was a woman, and her name was Mystra - and her kisses were wonderful." - Priest Halivon Tharnstar, 'Tales Told to a Blind Wizard'.

159. "The white queen is troubled but can't say why. The black queen hates the white and gives the assassin a black coat. The assassin steals upon the white queen. She can't see him gliding through the shadows. The sword screams. The white queen falls. Her city falls. Stones fall in the cavern to crush the soothsayer. The tree burns and thrashes in agony. Branches break. Branches twist and grow together..." - from a vision by the diviner Yaphyll in 'Undead' by Richard Lee Byers

160. "A Human can live whole life in peace with End of the World in his pocket." - TmDagger

161. "On other hand - you can't trust humanity with a particularly heavy rock." - Doomsought

162. "There is no such thing as a voice that cannot reach someone." - Shino, .hack// series

163. "There's only one thing real about this world and that's us! The players! Getting stronger and defeating others! That's the way this game is played!" - Haseo, .hack// series

164. "It is arrogant for one to reject change because it is undesirable. Rejection of change is the rejection of possibilities." - Harald Hoerwick

165. ""Human: "If it's crazy and it works, it's not crazy."

AI: "Humans are the only sophants in the galaxy to have that saying. Everyone else stops with, 'it's crazy.'"" - gladiusone

166. "Pansies." - Night_stalker

167. "All of them." - Face in Night

168. "So humanity achieves more by being suicidal maniac's? I approve." - Gore17

169. "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - SR-71 pilot

170. "SB.com: Our admins can disable hell itself." - The Martin

171. "You can fight like a Krogan, run like a leopard, but you'll never be better then Commander Shepard!" - one nameless anonymous.

172. "If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, now would it." - Albert Einstein

173. "Against Alduin, World-Eater and Bane of Kings, the Dragonborn came as a mortal man. For only men could slay gods." - Lamora

174. "I'm not Superman. So I can't say anything big like I'll protect everyone on Earth. I'm not a modest guy who will say it's enough if I can protect as many people as my two hands can handle either. I want to protect... a mountain-load of people." - Kurosaki Ichigo

175. "Ah, the Extranet. Where the Humans are Humans, the Salarians are Turians, the Turians are underage Quarians - baiting Batarian molesters, the Batarian molesters are underage Quarians - seeking other underage Quarians, the underage Quarians are Specters ... and Geth Infiltrators are college students. We have dismissed that claim." - Jonen C

176. "I'll show all these bastards, Konoha will pay for how it treated me. I'll become the most powerful ninja alive and when they ask me to become Hokage, to lead and protect them, I'll look them all in the eye and say, 'fuck you'." - Uzumaki Naruto from 'Morph' by Kolarthecool

177. "From that day forth...my arm changed...and a voice echoed: 'Power...Give me more power!' And if I become a demon, so be it, I will endure the exile...Anything to protect her!" - Nero, Devil May Cry 4

178. "Where other men blindly follow the truth, remember, nothing is true. Where other men are limited, by morality or law, remember, everything is permitted. We work in the dark, to serve the light. We are assassins." - Assassin's creed

179. "Let me correct myself. I feel a little bit dirty looking at your body." - Koyomi Araragi

180. "Rejoice human! We have been in the presence in the Sky Mother when she was pissed and remain alive and unmaimed! I'm so happy I feel like I just killed an entire town of humans!" - Ichibi no Shukaku from 'Yet again, with a little extra help' fic by Third Fang

181. "UNIX: It's also probably the only OS that came into existence specifically because a bored programmer wanted to play a game." - TvTropes

182. ""Windows 95 and Mac OS are products, contrived by engineers in the service of specific companies. Unix, by contrast, is not so much a product as it is a painstakingly compiled oral history of the hacker subculture. It is our Gilgamesh epic.
What made old epics like Gilgamesh so powerful and so long-lived was that they were living bodies of narrative that many people knew by heart, and told over and over again—making their own personal embellishments whenever it struck their fancy. The bad embellishments were shouted down, the good ones picked up by others, polished, improved, and, over time, incorporated into the story. Likewise, Unix is known, loved, and understood by so many hackers that it can be re-created from scratch whenever someone needs it." - from essay 'In The Beginning Was The Command Line' by Neal Stephenson

183. "To be The Best - it does not mean to always only win." - some motivational song

184. "Magical Ranking:

...Rank 3 = You can cast True Magics, accidentally kill you own army, use magical WMD as a bowling ball."

185. "I did not know gods had such a blanket immunity in DnD, as they most definately do not have it in Exalted. Not even machines are outright immune to sufficiently potent social dickery." - Hazard

186. "As great as this meal is looking to be, I think you've moved past your skill in cooking and moved onto the Angel's at this point..." - Tohsaka Rin from 'Dissonance Record' Omake.

187. "Didn't I read somewhere about a Paladin succubis? So does that count as a magic change?" - Gore17

188. "That sound's like a cabal of high level wizards plus their assorted apprentices making a bet with a Cleric while drunk, and deciding to go through with it." - Doomsought

189. "After a couple of chapters, it became implicit that those reasons for joining Akatsuki ("because I wanted to") were just their ways to say "Not your f*ing business" to whoever asked. Deidara was forced to join because he lost to Itachi. Pain wanted global peace, his motivations for joining Akatsuki were to promote peace, protect the people and be with his friends and his motivations for turning Akatsuki into a ring of psychotic S-class nuclear-happy terrorists-for-hire were vengeance and world peace by nuclear threat. Konan was following Pain. Itachi was keeping tabs on them all. Sasori needed some shelter after his status in Suna was compromised due to him killing the Kazekage. Hidan wanted to spread Jashinism and learn about immortality from Kakuzu. Even Tobi had stronger reasons than just being bored. Orochimaru joined because he was after Itachi's body and a great deal of his atrocities was just part of a bigger Gambit Roulette, his real reasons, after some digging, turning out to be him wanting to see his parents again. Kisame is the only one, who looks to be there because he felt like it. And even he turned out to want a world without lies." - TvTropes, On Blue and Orange Morality, Naruto section.

190. "I see the Turians being in DEEP shit. The humans were content just to sit back and be left the fuck alone... and the turians pretty much kicked the sleeping bear in the nuts.." - PsyckoSama

191. "Whoever stated that dead men tell no tales clearly wasn't a necromancer." - tzeench

192. "Still, your relatively sure locking someone in place, then sealing their individual peaces into no less then one hundred and eight, separate, sub dimensions is a relatively impressive feat to manage in a single spell." - Stelladextarin the Purple Dragon.

193. "You still can’t believe vampires of all things have ended up kings of the monster world. Even if the local breed are apparently real powerhouses." - Stelladextarin the Perple Dragon.

194. "Behold our power and know despair, Kurosaki Ichigo!" - Nazi Quncies

195. "It's adorable how they think they're actually dangerous." - Kurosaki Ichigo thinks in response to previous post

196. "It amuses me that all of the Quincy higher-ups seem to know exactly how dangerous Ichigo is, and have basically written off everyone in the area as being dead already, even while they cheerfully encourage the cannon fodder to go after Ichigo with a "no, really, you can totally take him." Evilgetsu flat-out admits it's just a stalling tactic to keep Ichigo occupied while they rip Soul Society a bazillion new assholes. They even launched their attack early specifically because Ichigo left for Heuco Mundo.
He may not have done anything particularly interesting yet, but Evilgetsu is pretty goddamn genre savvy. He's correctly identified all of the people most likely to cock up this plan, is willing to change the plan to accommodate the presence or absence of these people, and Ichigo is at the very top of that list.
You have to respect a villain that waits until the hero is two and a half dimensions away before launching their all-out attack. Imagine how Lord of the Rings would have been different if Sauron had stalled with low-key raids until Aragorn and Arwen resolved their sexual tension and went off to honeymoon in the Bahamas. That's basically what this guy is doing. And that scares me." - Lord Raine about latest Bleach Arc

197. "I think Aizen had the same chance, but he got cocky and blew it dickin' around. If he hadn't played with his food too much, and not wondered around for the fuck of it when he got to the real Karakura, he could have had his shit done with before Ichigo's dad even had a chance to show up, let alone to do the whole time warp training." - whitewhiskey in response to Lord Raine

198. "Aizen screwed up the minute he got the power he wanted. After than, his plans went out the window and he was tripping balls on ascendance. Which also led to him not using illusions and getting his shit wrecked by Gin." - shinzero01 answering to whitewhiskey

199. "Somewhere there is a soulreaper having an aneurism because of us. EVERY time we rip open a hole of Kumon a seated officer is going to be forced to investigate." - Menos Quest on SB.com

200. "My face is threatening to split in two now. Run, little soul reaper, run! Get angry. Also, I now want our Menos to do a jig in front of the reaper just before we enter back into Hueco Mundo..." - Menos Quest on SB.com

201. "Take this! My love, my anger and all of my sorrow! SHIINIIING CEEEROOO" - Menos Quest on SB.com

202. "Turns out having your soul redesigned really really hurts." - Menos Quest on SB.com

203. "Relax guys, the Moon isn't going to be a giant Hollow or anything. Because then you guys would just want to eat it." - Menos Quest on SB.com

204. "Our existence is as mutable and incorporeal as is the morning dew or a flash of lightning" - Nyoronyoden motto

205. "Deranged Exploding Laser Chainsaws on Fire." - an unnamed TSAB Intel Officer when asked to analyse Earth Mages combat potential

206. "I imagine Yuuno's poor ferret heart is about to explode out of his chest! From his perspective everything has just started exploding non-stop, even the explosions are exploding because they can't keep up." - XenonPrime about second 'scrape' between Raziel and his then unnamed 'rival' in ShotaQuest RP

207. "You should know better than to pick up a duck in a dungeon." - unspoken rule of RPG

208. "Bugs Bunny is wise and clever, and would make an excellent Lunar." - Sesif, Radiant Dragon of the West

209. ""Some people[prodigies] will never learn anything for this reason, because they understand everything too soon." - Alexander Pope

210. "I am alive and I am dead. I have a soul and I have none. I have taken countless lives and lived every last one of them. I devour the dead and become their strength, while they become mine. I have destroyed and saved hundreds of worlds. I am sane and have given into madness. I am Blacklight Strain DX-1118. I am Alex Mercer." - badass creed of Alex Mercer

211. "The strong have the right to be condescending toward the weak. Likewise, the weak have the right to tell the strong to stick that condescension up their collective asses." - Alex Mercer

212. "If there is one thing I fear, Shinigami-san...it is neither you nor your domain." - Alex Mercer

213. "Let us see who is superior, the Professor or the Scholar."

214. "Do you know why the pen is mightier than the sword? Because the pen creates the word. But even before words, there are ideas. Ideas, m'boy, are the seeds that grow into worlds."

215. "Afraid? I, the oldest Gorem alive, afraid of a man with a sword and a missing eye? No, I am not afraid of him. I am afraid of his rage. His scream is so horrifying that I must erase it from my mind entirely. That is what I am afraid of."

216. "Like a moth senses motions on the air, so too does the current tell me your movements."

217. "You see, my dear fellow, I was paid by this man to watch his back. I was not yet paid. Nor will I be, seeing as you just killed him. Do you understand the situation? Good. Now die."

218. "Why do I love life? Why do I shy away from being cast in a good light? Because both things were foreign things to me in my youth. The former I took in when I was taken from...that place. The latter, I'm afraid, I am still not used to. Nor, I fear, will I ever be.

219. "Let me give you a bit advice, my boy. Stay away from a Yandere if you want that harem! Trust me, otherwise you'll end with a broken heart and a knife in your throat."

220. "It's like being high, except it isn't!

221. "Whenever I open my eyes, things tend to die." - Xellos

221a. "Of course, if I killed everything, what'll keep me from getting bored?" - Xellos

222. "Huh, I suppose I can't let you die here..." - Xellos to Lina

222a. "Well, I did warn you. Don't hold me responsible for your untimely death." - Xellos to Lina

223. "Silly Ullqiuorra, that's not 'The Heart.' This--" [GANK] "--is it right here, still beating." - Xellos to 'Sad Clown'

224. "The Reapers do not believe in overkill. They believe in eternal overwhelming supremacy." - GreggHL

224a. "You'd think that'd frustrate the Hell outta 'em. The concept of being incapable of understanding something, that is. It's the principle of the matter." - Darth Sonic

224b. "Oh, the Reapers rationalize anything they don't understand as not mattering." - GreggHL

224c. "They would ever be utterly, spectacularly fucked if they met bigger fish." - Maes

224d. "The Reaper's methodology is built around never letting a fish get big enough, though. It's like their art form." - GreggHL

225. "Let's be perfectly honest. Just like Malfeas, there is a reason why the Reapers can get away with that kind of rationalizing: BECAUSE IT WORKS. For millions, billions of years." - Cornuthaum

225a. "Everythingworks until it doesn't. If you're not 1000% prepared for it to fail catastrophically, you deserve to be killed by it. Michael Crichton's fiction in a nutshell. Everything breaks. Have backups. Have backups for the backups. And be prepared to give up and run like hell if all else fails. Skip any one of those steps and Mummy Dearest Nature will kill you and eat you. If you're lucky it will be in that order." - Kalaong

225b. "When the Reapers started taking organics for granted, an anomaly such as Commander Shepard became inevitable." - Kalaong

226. "Yeah. Takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that. But! Let's do a headcount, here; The Asari, heirs to the Protheans. The Turians, super soldiers who put the Soldier in the Super. The Krogan, an entire species with breathtaking anger-management issues. The Salarians, an entire species of mad scientists. The Quarians, gadgeteers who can turn school busses into dreadnoughts. The Geth and the Rachni, a couple of hive minds with near-limitless resources. And you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of us." - Tony Stark Shepard

226a. "That was the plan." - Harbinger

226b. "Not a great plan, then." - Tony Stark Shepard

227. "Optimus Prime died for your sins." - Epsilon

227a. "It was good the first time. Then he kept fucking dying." - GreggHL

228. "Considering he joined the military when his bones break like stage glass, Joker probably flies warships because he needs the intense eezo fields to keep his giant balls from dragging on the floor." - Kalaong

229. "It's like she's the lovechild of Tatsuki and Orihime. If it was a ninja. And was raised by Kenpachi." - Lord Raine on Uzumaki Kushina

230. "Anything is possible; especially to those too stupid to realize it isn't!" - Master of Squirrel-Fu

231. "His Exaltation said, “Hereis the point in realspace where the daemons gather in the Warp, but this point five centimeters away is completely different – it's where the Warp is glorious and starry and void of all things and beautiful and Secretive. Right?”
And the Universe said, “Right,” and Link slipped back into the Warp, the only calm Waypoint for Journeys around, and then the Universe said, “Wait what – ”" - Sidereal chronicles of Glorious Future by linkhyrule5

231a. "I think I would make a great Raksha." - linkhyrule5

232. "Nothing we do works!" - a panicked Sidereal

232a. "Quick, try failing!" - another, more optimistic Sid. Pretty much their modus operandy.

233. "Harry was keeping one[vampire] back with combination of force-blasts and judicious use of his shield. He was being sparing with the fire magic, since he was in an old building with people still inside it. Besides, he'd just recently found out that the Sidhe, all three vampire Courts and the younger Wardens were all using his last name as a verb. Apparently, 'to Dresden' meant 'to burn down a building all by yourself without apparently meaning to'. There was also 'to Dresden up', meaning 'to burn down a building all by yourself with disastrous political results'. When four 'nations' and your own allies are making jokes about you, maybe it's time for a little change." - from When Wizards Meet by Shadow Crystal Mage

233a. ""What you do to that boy is sick," Murphy said.
"I know," Evangeline said. "It's getting harder to think of ways to make him give up and quit being my student. I'm finding I actually seem to be teaching him things. It's all very annoying."" - from When Wizards Meet by Shadow Crystal Mage

234. "One does not simply walk into Mordor. One struts." - OniGanon

235. "I love Autobot more than any other primordial - he's the ultimate embodiment of every shunned nerd getting his revenge in the most cosmically thorough fashion - but he does need to get whacked on the head with a newspaper (or a goremaul) right now." - Cornuthaum, from ME: Glorious Shotgun Princess discussion thread

236. "One Ramiel is bad. Ten thousand Ramiels is just mean." - Variel

237. "Mad Science" means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?" - Maxim 14

237a. "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a big gun." - Maxim 24

238. "Once you have Enuff Dakka, there is nothing left to shoot; because everything was used up making the dakka!" - Protodermis

238a. "That's not actually Enuff Dakka, so much as it is the Big Dakka, where you take everything and shoot it to make everything again." - Jonen C

238b. "In my headcanon this is now how Orks believe the universe was created." - Random832

239. "Ah, ork political campaigns... Probably the most civilized politics in the multiverse." - AdmiralTigerclaw

240. "To Dresden: to burn down a building[anything/one really] all by yourself without apparently meaning to."

240a. "To Dresden Up: to burn down a building[anything/one really] all by yourself with disastrous political results."

241. "This is why we have never will not have had nice things!" - She Who Lives In Her Name from ME:GSP

242. "Fuck you internal combustion for I'm powered by teenage hormones and ANIME PHYSICS!" - Forgetful about that one Golden Boy episode

243. "Garrus can ride a bicycle with the performance of a lamborghini diablo, driving backwards with one hand steering and the other aiming his sniper rifle at his hundred pursuers. If things get hairy, he ditches the ground and drives on the nearby walls." - on Lunar Ride Charms from ME:GSP DT by Synapse

243a. "And powerlines?"

244. "Some say that his spirit animal form is an E-type Jaguar, and SWLIHN can't affect him because he never speaks..." - about Stig from ME:GSP DT by Variel

245. "Doing an unspecified favor for a Sidereal is never a good idea. Doing an unspecified favor for a Sidereal when you have to win a martial arts tournament in two weeks and you don't have a single martial arts Charm to your name suddenly seems more attractive, however." - Aaron Peori

246. "Autochan is what would happen if Wheatley's incompetance were replaced with perverse genius. Imagine Portal 2, where instead of coming across crippled, badly made turrets, you found turrets that sang memetic kill sounds and had fully functioning reproductive organs. Imagine, instead of pressing a single button in the first puzzle room, that button transported you to Tamriel, where you now accompany the Dovahkiin in a massive adventure while trying to find the exit to the puzzle room, and that second button hidden in the corpse of the World Eater.
Autochan is Wheatley, if Wheatley were less incompetent, and more insanely competent." - GreggHL on Autochtroll from ME:GSP

247. "Rule one of demonology; never let an uppity git think that just because he has a pair of horns and a pitchfork, he can boss you around. You know what else has horns? Sheep!" – Gnarl

248. "Evil always wins, because Good is dumb. And when you look at your average Brown, that's saying something!" - Gnarl

249. "Who knows what Evil lurks in the hearts of mankind? Well, me. Most of the time it isn't that impressive compared to a brand new Minion, let alone one who's had time to get up to speed and pick up a few shinnies." - Gnarl

250. "Louise, you have to realize that not everyone is nice all the time. Sometimes even I can be a real bitch. But there are people who try to be nice and sometimes fail, and there are people who don't even try. Try to be one of the first type, 'kay?" – Cattleya Yvette La Baume Le Blanc de la Vallière

251. "You're using words, and I know what they mean, but when I look at them together, I get all swirly-eyed." - 00idiot

252. "I was slackjawed for 30 seconds before I magically spontaneously comprehended the existence of hardlinks by staring at these results, screamed, and tried to halt my CPU's gleeful descent into a bottomless pit." - Gloden Lark of Fun Times and Linux

253. "Some call our realm a world of shadows, but that makes it sound unpleasant...The twilight there holds a serene beauty...you have seen it yourself as the sun sets on this world. Bathed in that light, all people were pure and gentle...But things changed once that foul power pervaded our world..." - Midna, after the Mirror of Twilight is restored from 'TLoZ: Twilight Princess'

254. "Whenever there's a meeting, a parting is sure to follow. However, that parting need not last forever. Whether that parting is forever or only for a short time, that is up to you. " - The Happy Mask Salesman from 'The Legend Of Zelda: Majoras Mask'

255. "My son... gives me Helpful Nintendo Hints that are far too complex for the adult mind to comprehend. Here's a verbatim example: "OK, there's Ganon and miniature Ganon and there's these things like jelly beans and the miniature Ganon is more powerfuller, because when you touch him the flying eagles come down and the octopus shoots red rocks and the swamp takes longer." And the hell of it is, I know he's right. " - Dave Barry, describing what may very well be 'Zelda II: The Adventure of Link', "Un Nintended Benefits".

256. "Many games have a story, only one is a legend." - The Legend of Zelda: Collectors Edition

257. "Even if everything in this world is your enemy, I will become your shield." - Nana Mizuki, Pray.

258."Father left me his burning desire. Mother gave me her eyes." - Azumi Inoue, Kimi wo Nosete.

259. "The rabbit is trying to wave in they sky..." - Chata, Dango Daikazoku.

260. "The meaning of my life here... Will be heard in song and thought by someone." - KOTOKO, Koe Ga Todoku Nara.

261. "Connected by this warm wish..." - Minami Kuribayashi, United Force.

262. "I swear to God when I evolve I'm gonna Kill you all." - Anonymous Magicarp, full of world-rending RAGE.

263. "Munchkin: One who, on being told that this is a game about politics and intrigue in 17th century Italy, asks to play as a ninja." - Andrew Rilstone, an 'Assassin's Creed 2' shout-out.

264. "I have been accused of being unrelenting. Merciless. Perhaps I am. For I have looked into that heart of darkness. I know the chill of evil. I have clearly seen that, no matter what, sometimes the night cannot be kept at bay. So I carefully choose my battles. I fight those I can win. And make sure the ones I can't win are worth dying for." - Doctor Strange, Marvel EU.

265. "When - if ever - will the bandwidth of the Internet surpass that of FedEx?" - Johan Öbrink.

265a. "Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway." - Andrew Tanenbaum, 1981.

266. "Did they add the position because the king's idiot son wanted to play?" - One Extremely Rational Harry Potter, about Seekers and Quidditch.

267. "No! This cannot be! This will not be! I will not let a von Zerbst, of all people, be my downfall! Well know this, Abraham! You could have saved her! But you chose to pursue me even when I damn well gave you the chance to rescue your wife! She was a bitch to the end… but now it’s more true than ever! You heard that howling, did you not? Viktoria von Zerbst… show yourself and kill your fool of a husband! Ah ha ha ha ha!" - Louis de la Vallière, the Bloody Duke from Overlady by EarthScorpion

268. "Curiosity did kill the cat, after all. And unless the cat happens to be the familiar of an epic-level spell caster, even a dragon youngling when acting smart and cunning is quite a bit harder to kill." - SakSak, 'In the Shadow of Zero part 2' thread, of curiosity.

268a. "Ignorance killed the cat, curiosity was framed." - The Unicorn.

269. "To make an analogy:
If the three of them were playing Blackjack...
...The Lovecraftian Horror cheats to win.
...The Living Concept counts the cards.
...And the TYPE is suddenly playing Poker, and he has five aces." - Voidwalker Zelt

270. "Oh, Gamesverse. So many collapses. They're standing on the shoulders of so many giants that their heads are brushing the upper atmosphere. Or would be, had most of the giants not tripped one another up, stabbed each other in the kidney and generally fallen over in various different ways, in ages past. So what they're really standing on is a pile of giants' skeletons, some of which have still-spiky bits of ribcage and femur sticking out to gore whoever's currently on top in the ankle.
... basically, the Gamesverse has a history of collapses for a very good reason. Which can roughly be summed up with the word "mages". " - Aleph

270a. "Game Theory is not merely a post-apocalypse setting. It's a post-post-post-etc-apocalypse setting, and some occasional post-singularity bits. " - Earth Scorpion

270b. "One of the things that Game Theory has as a major theme is that reality ensues, and that doing something crazy-awesome and insane... is crazy and insane, and doesn't have to work just because it's the hero doing it." - Aleph

270c. "Nanoha showed us that the Monsters of the Week could be a backdrop to the real meat of the plot, the character interaction, but then Madoka came along and showed us that the Monsters can still be legitimately, vividly scary. And Game Theory is very much a post-Madoka story, with the harsher rules and the scarier monsters and so on." - Aleph

270d. "My method for working out (Precia's) plan was basically to carefully consider all the variables she's aware of, and put together a strategy that takes all kinds of factors like those into account, and which could not possibly fail.
And then sneak up behind it and hit it very hard and repeatedly with the Spanner of Intheworks. Which in this case takes the form of a plot point that hasn't yet turned up (that you know of), but which will blindside about half of the characters in the story when it reveals itself. Bwaa haa. " - Aleph utterly trolling the readers. The spanner was performing metaphorical Percussive Maintenance.

270e. "... I cannot tell you how awesome it is that my fic has got people saying that they hope the insane, child-abusing psycho villainess of the first season survives longer, because they want to see more of the character I've made her into. If ever there was evidence that a character reinterpretation has succeeded, I think that would be it. " - Aleph

271. "But mostly? The assorted plans at play here would be going very, very wrong due to the actions of a no-name, no-count, utterly talentless Magus by the name of Shirou Emiya. He had no magic worth mentioning, no combat experience of note, and no plan for or knowledge of the War he was about to enter. He did, however, have one trait that had derailed a countless number of such grand, far-reaching schemes throughout history.
'You see, he really, really wanted to be a hero." - of Chaos Theory

272. "I just don't feel safe anymore. You know? At first it was like a story, and I was the heroine and helping people and saving a little girl's life. But now… everything's complicated, and the TSAB are meant to be good but they're doing bad things, and we're hiding and scared and… It's nothing like it is in the stories. " - Nanoha, describing the story's progression in a single heart-wrenching piece of dialogue.

273. "Whatever naïve innocence had sparked that attitude, it had already been broken. She knew – Heidi could see it – she knew that the world didn't always work like that, the kind of knowledge that came from personal experience. And yet she was trying anyway, determined to prevent a catastrophe by sheer willpower and effort. Heidi shivered. A look like that, the half-hidden hurt and guilt and age, did not belong in the eyes of a nine-year old. Freakish powers, unnatural strength, older than her years and yet still trying to be hopeful… who was this girl? " - Heidi, reflecting on Nanoha

274. "I wish things could have been different. Maybe… maybe in another life… " - Nanoha, during her last conversation with Yuuno.

275. "We need not go to Alhazred, children, because we no longer need them. I… I have rivalled, and possibly even exceeded their accomplishments! The Promethean mechanism I designed was not merely a form of life support like the tank, to keep her in stasis where her condition could not worsen. It was a full revival, bringing Alicia completely and entirely back into the world of the living. " - Precia, doing it thirty-five minutes ago.

276. "No, that was not a native. I refuse to believe that. For crying out loud, she has to be at least AA-rank! And with a Device, to boot. Not to mention the magic she was using - I certainly don't see any Mid-style academies on this world, do you?" - Chrono Harlaown

Kuchiyose: Banshou Tanho [Summoning: All Creation in One Step] Upper C-rank chakra intensive jutsu. Extenshion of Kage Bunshin no Jutsu that allows clone to summon its creator 'into' its current position. In process clone sacrifices clone's existence and returns its remaining chakra(as well as memories) to creator. It is possible to refine jutsu to the point when user replaces clone so seamlessly that for outside observer nothing seems to happen at all.

A D&D Spells Not Worth Memorizing:
1 Acid Trip
2 Affect Abnormal Fires
3 Affect Normal Foyers
4 Air Breathing (land-dwellers only)
5 Airshape (like Stoneshape, but with normal air)
6 Airy Air
7 Alamir's Freeway Breakdown
8 Alamir's Fundamental Theorem
9 Algorhythm I-III (sp?)
10 Anger God
11 Animate Bread
12 Anti-Anti-Magic Shell (Pro-Magic Shell?)
13 Anti-Magic Eggshell
14 Anti-Magic Magic Missle
15 Anti-Magic Magic Mouth
16 Antipathy Orb
17 Audible Hammer (of the M.C. variety)
18 Auditable Glamour
19 Augmented Chord I, ii, III, iv, V, VI, vii

20 Bad Lighting
21 Badly Programmed Illusion
22 Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self)
23 Bigby's Assertive Finger
24 Bigby's Clenched Teeth
25 Bigby's Critically Fumbling Hand
26 Bigby's Glove (colors the various Bigby's Hand spells, no bonus)
27 Bigby's Groping Hand
28 Bigby's Hairy-Palmed Hand
29 Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)
30 Bigby's Limp-Wristed Hand
31 Bigby's Shadow-Animal Making Hands
32 Bigby's "Shush"ing Hand
33 Black & White Spray
34 Blind Self
35 Bold Monster
36 Bookworm Blast
37 Break-Wind Wall
38 Break the Wind
39 Bubbling Rainstorm
40 Burning Hands (Yours, ouch)

41 Can Trip (And does!)
42 Change Elf
43 Charm Dead
44 Charm Friends
45 Charm Groupie
46 Charm Potted Plants
47 Charm Self
48 Charm Undead (X rated version)
49 Cheeseball
50 Circling the Square (i.e. Times, Trafalger, Tiannemen)
51 Clause of the Lawyer
52 Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)
53 Clone Undead
54 Clown
55 Color Safe Spray
56 Compulsive Disorder
57 Cone of Bubbles
58 Conjure Emmenthaler
59 Contact This Plane
60 Continual Bad Lighting
61 Continual Right (a political spell)
62 Control Casting Time (controls the casting time of this spell only)
63 Control Feather
64 Copyright Shroud
65 Crass Suggestion
66 Create Coat Hanger
67 Cure Animal Hide
68 Cure Light Winds
69 Cure Smoked Ham
70 Cure STD
71 Current Life
72 Cylons, 10' Radius
73 Cymbal

74 Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion (things that make you go hmmmm)
75 Darkness, 15 micron radius
76 Daylight (material components: must be cast outdoors in bright sunlight)
77 Deathwish
78 Deeppocket Lint
79 Delayed Blast Cantrip
80 Delayed Blast Flatulence
81 Delayed Blast Spitball
82 Demand Blindness
83 Demi-Shadow Puppets
84 Deny Reality
85 Detect Crying
86 Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...)
87 Detect Detect Spells
88 Detect Hound
89 Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5')
90 Detect Pervert
91 Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits
92 Detect Self (allows you to see if you are yourself)
93 Detect Strikes and Spares
94 Detect Tragic (oooh, theres a sad happening over there!)
95 Detect Unseen Butler
96 Detect Visibility (Yep, I can see that)
97 Detect Weevil
98 Detect Wind
99 Differentiate Without Error (Hey, you never know...)
100 Dimension Doorknob
101 Dispell Nonmagical Reptiles & Amphibians
102 Dispurse Self
103 Doug
104 Doug's Generic Spell
105 Drain Vaccuum
106 Draw Upon Religious Right
107 Drawmij's Court Summons
108 Drawmij's Instant Cake Mix
109 Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup)
110 Drawmij's Instant Death (Drawmij's CON must be about -30 by now...)

111 Earthly Chorus
112 Enchanted Toothpick
113 Enlightening Bolt
114 Enrage Dragon
115 ESPN
116 Ethertalk
117 Evard's Black Growth (range: 0)
118 Evard's Black Testicles
119 Evard's Blue Testicles
120 Explosive Familiar (it's *your* familiar)
121 Explosive Friends
122 Extension Cord I, II, and III
123 Extinguish Match (casting time: 5 rounds)

124 Face Grasp
125 Fear of Sunmotes
126 Feather Brain
127 Feather Flail
128 Feign Life (as if the caster has one)
129 Feign Orgasm
130 Find Acquaintance
131 Find Floor (somatic component: falling on face)
132 Find Hand
133 Finger of Near-Fatal Injury
134 Finger of Plead
135 Fire Alarm
136 Fire Rap
137 Fire Stick
138 Fireball (reversed)
139 Fiscal Projection
140 Fist of Flesh
141 Fleshskin (range: self)
142 Fool's Lead
143 Foresee Unseen Butler
144 Forget Spells (area: self)
145 Forehead
146 Foreskin
147 Fourier's Transformation
148 Furball
149 Furry Fire

150 Gaze at Reflection
151 Geese
152 Get Flu
153 Get Life
154 Glassteal (swipe that beermug from that unsuspecting peasant)
155 Globe of Vulnerability
156 Grate
157 Graze reflection (if someone hurts your knee)
158 Guess Alignment

159 Hair Extension I, II, III
160 Hallucinatory Escape
161 Hallucinatory Train
162 Hand of Skin
163 Hatch Egg (somatic component: sit on egg)
164 Heal Monster (only works on opponents during combat)
165 Heel
166 Hold Bladder
167 Hold Mustard
168 Hold Self
169 Hornung's Gas
170 Hornung's Police Dispatcher
171 Housefly
172 Hug Self

173 Illusion Debugger (for Badly Programmed Illusions)
174 Illusionary Crypt
175 Iggy's Invisible Illusion
176 Illegal Thoughts (That serving wench looks older than 18)
177 Implosive Runes
178 Impress Plants
179 Improper Suggestion
180 Indirection (address register postincrement)
181 Indivisibility (The caster is a prime number)
182 Insect Plague, 5' Radius
183 Integrate (reversible, Differentiate)
184 Invisibility to Inanimate Objects
185 Invisibility to Dead
186 Invisible Talker
187 Irritate Self

188 Kender Summoning I, II, III
189 Kitchen Sink
190 Knock Knock
191 Know Own Alignment
192 Know Person (in the biblical sense of the word...)
193 Kooshball

194 Legend Bore
195 Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix
196 Leomund's Condemned Shelter
197 Leomund's Grass Hut
198 Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter
199 Leomund's Risky Tax Shelter
200 Leomund's Secure Chest Cavity
201 Leomund's Sturdy Music Box
202 Leomund's Tap
203 Leomund's Underfunded Homeless Shelter
204 Level Water
205 Lightning Blot
206 Limited Dish (Sorry sir, the Dover Sole is off)
207 Limited Wash
208 Locate Right Hand
209 Locate Self (tells you where you are, relative to your location)
210 Locate Tongue (requires verbal component)
211 Locate Wizard (the _nearest_ wizard)
212 Lorloveim's Shady Deal
213 Lose Familiar (Get lost, ya wee booger!)
214 Lower Cholesterol Level
215 Lower Inhibitions

216 Maggot Missle
217 Magic Boomeranging Missile
218 Magic Gristle
219 Magic Missal (A really boring prayersheet)
220 Magic Moth
221 Magic Orifice
222 Magic Shotglass (as opposed to Magic Jar)
223 Mail of the Banshee (victim gets letter saying "Waaaaaahh...")
224 Maize
225 Matrix Addition
226 Mauve Earth
227 Meld, Canasta Version
228 Melf's Acid Bow
229 Melf's Acid Trip
230 Melf's Minute Rice
231 Melodramatic Phantom Defenders
232 Memorize Spell
233 Meteor Swan
234 Micrometeorite Storm
235 Mildly Surprising Grasp
236 Minor Delousing
237 Mistaken Identify
238 Mistaken Thought (Gee, guys, it _looked_ like a Gas Spore)
239 Moaning Spirit
240 Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound
241 Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg)
242 Mordenkainen's Big Ears (1 to all hearing checks, ear size quadrupled)
243 Mordenkainen's Bored Cat
244 Mordenkainen's Celery
245 Mordenkainen's Conjunction (Conjunction Junction, what's your function?)
246 Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito
2/i47 Mordenkainen's Freeway Junction
248 Mordenkainen's Lubrication
249 Mordenkainen's Sword, -1 Backbiter
250 Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife
251 Move Venus
252 Muenste/ir Summoning I-VII
253 Murder Darkness
254 Murdoch's Featherless Fryer (Verbal component: "/iButterball")
255 Murdock's Feathery Pillow

256 Nahal's Banana Peel (appears under random ally's foot)
257 No Time
258 No Vacancy
259 Nystul's Undetectible Aura

260 Otiluke's Happy Fun Sphere
261 Otiluke's Resilient Ear
262 Otiluke's Room Temperature Sphere
263 Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck
264 Otto's Resistable Dance

265 Paraphrase Magic
266 Part Hair
267 Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies (9th level Drow spell)
268 Penultimate Fall
269 Phantasmal Fork
270 Phantasmal Morse
271 Phantasmal Thriller
272 Plane XOR
273 Polymorph Mother
274 Power Word Missing
275 Power Word, NO!
276 Power Word, Noogie
277 Power Word, Puke
278 Power Word, Pun
279 Power Word, Smirk
280 Power Word, Spam
281 Power Word, Wedgie
282 Protection from Catnips
283 Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius
284 Protection from Evil Kenevil (sp?)
285 Protection from Halitosis
286 Protection from Normal Air
287 Protection from Normal Missals
288 Protection from Normal Oxygen
289 Protection from Normal Pillows
290 Protection from Self
291 Protection from Weevil
292 Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)
293 Purge Memory
294 Putrefy Offal

295 Rainbow Enhancer
296 Random Casualty
297 Rary's Mnemonic Cancer (eats away at those favorite spells)
298 Rary's Mnemonic Device (makes silly acronyms out of things)
299 Rary's Pneumonic Cough (range: self)
300 Read Common
301 Rectum of Retention
302 Reincarnation Door
303 Remove Hand (yours)
304 Remove Minus Sign (reversible)
305 Remove Nurse ("Good-Byyyeeee Nurse!")
306 Remove Reality
307 Remove Self
308 Remove Strong Language
309 Reservation
310 Rest Erection
311 Resurrect Living
312 Resurrect Self (problem: must be alive to cast the spell)
313 Reverse Graffiti
314 Rice Storm
315 Rock Summoning I

316 Sepia Cake Sigil
317 Serten's Smell Immunity
318 Sheepskin
319 Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)
320 Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius
321 Sleep with Dead (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer)
322 SmorgasMorph
323 Soap-on-a-Rope Trick
324 Solid Frog
325 Speak With Boring Monsters
326 Speak With Dead Plants
327 Speak With Grateful Dead
328 Speak With Living (components: two tin cans and a string)
329 Speak WIth Mud
330 Speak With Self
331 Sucker (for those of you who actually cast the spell)
332 Summon Allergy
333 Summon Death (Death arrives and kills the caster)
334 Summon Self
335 Swift Envelope

336 Tape Mount
337 Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter
338 Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder
339 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter (a.k.a. 'Sela')
340 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Die Rolls
341 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence
342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Gesture
343 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand
344 Tax Avoidance
345 Taunt a Second Time
346 Teleport Environment
347 Teleport With Lots of Errors
348 Teleport Without Destination
349 Teleport Without Terror
350 Tenser's Double-Sided, Double Density Disk
351 Tenser's Floating Point
352 Tenser's Formatted Disk
353 Tenser's Gloating Disk
354 Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!)
355 Tenser's Slipped Disk
356 Tenser's Deadly Resurrection
357 Tensor Transformations
358 This Space for Rent (fills up space on a scroll or in a mage's memory)
359 Time Start
360 Tonguetwister Change
361 Tons
362 Transmute Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust (priest spell)
363 Transmute Friends to Enemies
364 Transmute Head to Butt
365 Transmute RGB to HSV
366 Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible)
367 Transmute Rock to Jazz
368 Trap the Sole (see Limited Dish)
369 Turn Friends Into Enemies
370 Turn Pebble (rotation, not banishment)

371 Undefined Symbol
372 Unenlightening Bolt
373 Unheard Servant
374 Unscented Cloud
375 Unseen Manservant
376 Unseen Pervert
377 Unseen Sympathy

378 Vampiric Breathing (perfect for harassing phone calls)
379 Vampiric Crutch
380 Varnish
381 Visible Stalker

382 Walk
383 Wall of Dog
384 Wall of Horse
385 Wall of Non-Dairy Creamer
386 Wall of Normal Air
387 Wall of Paper
388 Wall of Velcro
389 Waste
390 Wink
391 Wizard Eyebrow
392 Wizard Lick
393 Wizard Nostril
394 Wizard Stain

395 You Wish!

396 ZX-Spectral Force

Dresden Alert Levels:

Dresden cheerfully snarky: Upstart minor Faerie or something else not worth worrying about.
Dresden snarky: The city's in danger.
Dresden offensively snarky: Or the state.
Dresden calmly snarky: Or the nation.
Dresden's not snarking: Apocalypse alert.
Dresden's defensively/panicky snarking: THE OUTER GATES ARE FALLING!

Dresden regained snark: Alert over.

Key of Revelation - Ten bulls of Zen:

1. In the pasture of this world, I endlessly push aside the tall grasses in search of the bull. Following unnamed rivers, lost upon the interpenetrating paths of distant mountains, my strength failing and my vitality exhausted, I cannot find the bull. I only hear the locusts chirping through the forest at night.

2. Along the riverbank under the trees, I discover footprints! Even under the fragrant grass I see his prints. Deep in remote mountains they are found. These traces no more can be hidden than one's nose, looking heavenward.

3. I hear the song of the nightingale. The sun is warm, the wind is mild, willows are green along the shore, here no bull can hide! What artist can draw that massive head, those majestic horns?

4. I seize him with a terrific struggle. His great will and power are inexhaustible. He charges to the high plateau far above the cloud-mists, or in an impenetrable ravine he stands.

5. The whip and rope are necessary, else he might stray off down some dusty road. Being well trained, he becomes naturally gentle. Then, unfettered, he obeys his master.

6. Mounting the bull, slowly I return homeward. The voice of my flute intones through the evening. Measuring with hand-beats the pulsating harmony, I direct the endless rhythm. Whoever hears this melody will join me.

7. Astride the bull, I reach home. I am serene. The bull too can rest. The dawn has come. In blissful repose, within my thatched dwelling I have abandoned the whip and rope.

8. Whip, rope, person, and bull - all merge in nothing. This heaven is so vast no message can stain it. How may a snowflake exist in a raging fire? Here are the footprints of the patriarchs.

9. Too many steps have been taken returning to the root and the source. Better to have been blind and deaf from the beginning! Dwelling in one's true abode, unconcerned with that without - the river flows tranquilly on and the flowers are red.

10. Barefooted and naked of breast, I mingle with the people of the world... My clothes are ragged and dust-laden, and I am ever blissful. I use no magic to extend my life; Now, before me, the dead trees become alive.

Murphy's War Law:

1. Friendly fire - isn't.

2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.

3. Suppressive fires - won't.

4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

9. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

10. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

11. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

12. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

13. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

14. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
-when they're ready.
-when you're not.

15. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

16. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

17. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.

18. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

19. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
The Ol' Ranger's addendum: Or else they're trying to suck you into a serious ambush!

20. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

21. The easy way is always mined.

22. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

23. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire... For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

24. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

25. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

26. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

27. Incoming fire has the right of way.

28. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

29. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

30. If the enemy is within range, so are you.

31. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

32. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

33. Things that must work together can't be carried to the field that way.

34. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

35. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (and especially during both).

36. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

37. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

38. Tracers work both ways.

39. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

40. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

41. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

42. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

43. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

44. Weather ain't neutral.

45. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.

46. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.'

47. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

48. Napalm is an area support weapon.

49. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

50. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

51. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

52. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

53. The one item you need is always in short supply.

54. Interchangeable parts aren't.

55. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

56. When in doubt, empty your magazine.

57. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

58. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

59. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

60. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.

61. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

62. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

63. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.

64. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

65. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

66. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.

67. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

68. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.

69. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

70. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.

71. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

72. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

73. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

74. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.

75. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp).

76. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

77. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.

78. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.

79. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.

80. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism, to steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

81. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.

82. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that bill is filled by someone else.

83. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack, when you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.

84. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.

85. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

86. Murphy was a grunt.

87. Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

88. Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.

89. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

90. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.

91. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.

92. The crucial round is a dud.

93. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.

94. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.

95. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

96. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you, if your ambush is properly set the enemy won't walk into it, if your flank march is going well the enemy expects you to outflank him.

97. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.

98. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

99. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.

100. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).

101. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

102. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.

103. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.

104. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands right at your feet.

105. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.

106. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

107. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.

108. Walking point = sniper bait.

109. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.

110. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

111. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

112. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

113. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

114. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

115. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

116. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

117. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

118. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

119. There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you... and miss.

120. Don't be conspicuous; in the combat zone it draws fire, out of the combat zone it draws sergeants, if they can see you, so can the enemy... All or any of the above combined.

121. Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.

122. Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life.

123. Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't be short is the ration of shit.

124. Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.

125. A half filled canteen is a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon.

126. When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.

127. It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.

128. If you survive an ambush, something's wrong.

129. If you can see the flashes from the enemies' guns in battle, he can see yours too.

130. Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding area; they illuminate you too.

131. Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a hard-ass Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas.

132. There are few times when the enemy can't hear you: When he's dead, you're dead, or both.
Addendum: When he's not there, when you're not there, or both.

133. Never cover a dead body with your own in hopes of looking like you're one of the casualties. Even using his cadaver is a stretch to avoid being shot "just in case."

134. You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first.

135. Never underestimate the ability of the brass to foul things up.

136. You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your own rear services.

137. You think the enemy has better artillery support and the enemy thinks yours is better; you're both right.

138. Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and an uninterrupted night's sleep.

139. "Live" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms.

140. Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.

141. NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition that the other guy.

142. Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.

143. Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough.

144. If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.

145. If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part.

146. Happiness is a belt fed weapon.

147. Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.

148. If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.

149. Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls even if they do have little pieces of fish in them.

150. A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.

151. Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.

152. Being shot hurts.

153. Thousands of Veterans earned medals for bravery every day, a few were even awarded.

154. There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules.

155. C-4 can make a dull day fun.

156. There is no such thing as a fair fight -- only ones where you win or lose.

157. If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils.

158. If you lose you don't care.

159. Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow, what is important is what you are doing -- NOW -- to solve our problem.

160. Always make sure someone has a can opener.

161. Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.

162. Flying is better than walking, walking is better than running, running is better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac even if it is technically, is a form of flying.

163. If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.

164. Carrying any weapon that you weren't issued (e.g, an AK) in combat is NOT A GOOD IDEA!
-A combat vet will know the sound of an unfamiliar weapon in an instant and will point and shoot.
-Not only that, AKs use green tracers which mean "shoot 'em all and let God sort them out".

165. As has been noted, "Friendly fire isn't!"

I know what you're thinking... Did I fire six shots or only five? To tell you the truth, I forgot it myself in all this excitement.

This here's a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and it can blow your head clean off. Now, you must ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky?

Well, do you, punk?
Dirty Harry

"Trace on,

Removing stops,

Full trace, release!"

"Oh, dear. This has never happened before..."

What?

"I've never Sorted someone who was a reincarnation of Godric Gryffindor AND Salazar Slytherin AND Naruto."

...if the whole thing is enclosed, with just a non-lethal barrier for a floor, it'd end up being balanced on top of the building... Meaning it could tip over if somebody demolished it right...

...then the ninja could just keep rotating the damn thing like a demented, flaming Katamari, all while the inside hosts a Kage-level showdown...

A short snippet on what happens when you cross Battlestar Galactica 2003 and Warhammer 40k:

The invasion of Agra Secundus began. The ships massed over the planet, sending down wave after wave of ships to pacify the small human population. And this is how it was for several months.

Eventually, a small Imperial battle group was alerted to the situation on the planet. Not because the invasion had any great importance. But because the ships were going that way anyway so they might as well stop for a bit to clean it up.

Private Gartz's face was lit up from the red light of lasfire as he sprayed his lasgun into the enemy encampment.

He and a regiment of the Verhoven 468th had arrived with the ships to clean out any ground infestations of the xenos. And there were a lot of them. The xenos had sure been busy!

A few bursts of machine gun fire answered him, woefully off target. The xenos were using primitive slug-throwers, which had a range far inferior to their lasguns. He curled his lip in disgust as what seemed to be a human was mown down, severed in half.

They weren't real humans though. The true xenos, the metal men, had grown them somehow. It was disgusting. Not only did the xenos dare to set foot on a human planet, they went even further by daring to despoil the sacred human form.

Their blasphemy knew no bounds.

Fortunately, Gartz thought as he blew a large hole in one of the metal things, they died easily. Real easily

He turned to Private Constantin beside him.

"When was the last time we actually fought something which died when you shot it with a laser?"

He thought back. Before this, they had helped in cleansing a Tyranid infestation, before that, a small force of Traitor Marines, before that, a fledgling waagh of Orks, before that…

"Actually, I don't think we ever have before now."

Constantin nodded as he blew the head off another Centurion.

"About time."

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

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