You don't need to know about me. I'm boring...

Okay, fine. I'm a green-eyed and slightly insane 20-something living in California. I write fanfiction in my spare time...or in the time when I should be doing working and am procrastinating horribly instead. See? Boring.

Oh, and I'm dirt poor, so don't bother suing me.

My Yahoo IM name is venus_smrf. Feel free to add me.

In response to a whole freaking lot of nagging, here's a little more about me:

(I didn't really know what to say here, so I found a quiz that may answer a few questions but will most likely just leave all of you fearing for my sanity. Enjoy.)

Name: Venus Smurf (what, did you think I'd post my real name online? Please. I have way too many stalkers for that.)

Nickname: Busa (Hey, Mom's African, and this is some African word. She can't even remember what language it's in, so how am I to know what it means?)

Birthdate: I'm in my 20's. Let's leave it at that.

Current Location: Sunny California. Eat that, Canadians!

Eye Colour: Greenish...well, okay, so they look a bit like poop. That's still green, right?

Hair Colour: Brown

Height: Five freaking two. So I'm vertically challenged. Shuddup.

Weight: Pfft. Like I'd answer this one! Girls don't. Ever.

Piercings: Just earrings...but even though I'm a jeans and T kinda gal, all of my earrings are big, dangle to my shoulders, and sparkle.

Tattoos: None. I don't like pain...or needles...or naked chicks on my arms (mostly because I'm a girl, and that would be awkward)

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Happily single. My goal is to become a crazy cat lady and/or evil dictator of the world. Can't do that if I take the time out for a relationship.

Vehicle: A truck. I love my truck, but please don't ask me about the make or model. I have no idea. I just hit people with it.

Overused Phrase: "Lol." It's stupid even in a text, but of course people use it in conversations, too. Makes me twitch.

FAVORITES

Food: Kosher beef (I'm not sure why it's kosher. It probably isn't, but that's what it's called, so I run with it)

Pub/Disco/Restaurant: In N' Out...though this doesn't count as a restaurant, any Californian will understand why it's my favorite place.

Candy: CHOCOLATE...again, girl. Do we even need to ask this one?

Number: Who takes the time to pick a favorite number? I'm psychotic, not pathetic.

Colour: Changes constantly. Probably green, though. Ooh, or blue. Or maybe yellow...can I go with rainbow?

Animal: Dog, but only because I have one. I actually don't like dogs at all (except mine). I'm a cat person, mostly because they don't care about anything as long as I feed them, and because they seem evil when they hiss.

Drink: Coke. I'm a bit addicted. Also milk.

Body Part On Opposite Sex: ...uh...?

Perfume: I don't know. My sister has this stuff in a purple jar that I steal as often as I can, but only because it's expensive and my doing so really irritates her. I don't think I'd wear it if it didn't.

TV Show: Heroes!

Music Album: Anything by Rise Against or Linkin Park.

Movie: Right now, Transformers 2. Awesome, awesome movie.

Actor/Actress: Ming Dao/Meg Ryan.

THIS OR THAT

Pepsi Or Coke: Coke, though I don't mind Pepsi at all.

McDonald's Or Burger King: McDonald's, but only because their fries are so dang good.

Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends. I hate chocolate ice cream or shakes but prefer it in anything else.

Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Hot chocolate. I don't like the smell of coffee, though I'm Mormon and wouldn't drink it anyway.

Kiss Or Hug: Neither. Don't touch me.

Dog Or Cat: Didn't we already do this one?

Rap Or Punk: Neither. Ugh.

Summer Or Winter: Summer. I can't even watch movies with snow scenes. My excuse? I lived in Ohio. Ten foot freaking snow drifts! And ice storms! And more snow! Yuck.

Scary Movies Or Funny Movies: Funny. I can't handle scary movies--I actually got nightmares from Chucky! How pathetic is that? It wasn't even scary!

Love Or Money: ...I should go with love, but let's face it: money can buy love. Maybe not the real kind, but it'd be good enough for me!

YOUR…

Bedtime: Usually around one A.M. I can't quite seem to get over my college habits...

Most Missed Memory: I honestly don't get this question. How can I miss a memory? Isn't it sort of always with me?

...I don't like this question. It's made me feel stupid.

Best Physical Feature: I have really great hair.

First Thought Waking Up: I'm gonna find the person who invented mornings and shoot him.

Ambition: Honestly, I don't have ambitions. If I had to pick one, maybe to finish one of my stories?

Best Friends: There are other people in the world besides me?

Weakness: I have the attention span of a goldfish living in vodka. Can't focus on anything ever.

Fears: Being eaten by a crocodile. No, there aren't any living near me. Doesn't matter in the slightest.

Longest Relationship: Probably an hour. I have commitment issues.

HAVE YOU…

Cheated On Your Partner: No.

Ever Been Beaten Up: ...pfft. No. That's why I carry the machete.

Ever Beaten Someone Up: ...I'm innocent until proven guilty!

Ever Shoplifted: Sure, when I was five. Who does that? Get a job and just pay for what you want, loser!

Ever Skinnydipped: No. My grandmother is always trying to get me to do this, but the fact that she's the one doing the prompting has been enough to stop me.

Ever Kissed Opposite Sex: Yes.

Been Dumped Lately: No.

IN A GUY/GAL

Favourite Eye Colour: Don't care at all.

Favourite Hair Colour: I prefer dark hair, but I don't really care that much.

Short Or Long: Nothing past the shoulders. I will never date a guy with hair longer than mine.

Height: I'm practically a midget. If I ever get around to having kids, my husband would have to be at least six feet to make up for my genes.

Style: Don't care.

Looks Or Personality: Personality. If the guy can't laugh at himself, how am I supposed to be able to laugh at him?

Hot Or Cute: Don't care.

Muscular Or Really Skinny: Can I go with in between?

RANDOMS

What Country Do You Want To Visit: Spain.

How Do You Want To Die: I don't plan on dying. Dying is for wimps. Insert Chuck Norris joke.

Been To The Mall Lately: Yep. Again, girl.

Get Along With Your Parents: Yep. Most of the time. When they're not being psychotic, anyway.

Health Freak: My favorite restaurant is In N' Out, so obviously not.

Do You Think You're Attractive: Again, great hair.

Believe In Yourself: Yep. I'm amazing.

Want To Go To College: Have two degrees, unfortunately have to get one more. I hate school.

Do You Smoke: Never. I like my lungs.

Do You Drink: Never. I like my liver.

Shower Daily: Usually. Hygiene can be an issue on my days off, because I usually don't even bother to get dressed then, but other than that...I don't like stinky people, and that includes myself.

Been In Love: Probably not.

Do You Sing: Not if I can help it. I sound like a dying cat even on my best days.

Want To Get Married: Not even remotely.

Do You Want Childen: Maybe...though I refuse to accept responsibility for their therapist's bills.

Hate Anyone: Nah. Hate is for people who don't know how to get revenge.

UPDATING AND E-MAIL INFORMATION as of November 7, 2009:

...wow. It's been a freakishly long time since I updated this thing. I just haven't had time to work on any of my stories lately, because between work and school, swine flu (yes, the swine flu...and it's every bit as bad as everyone has been saying. I mean, really, did anyone else know that the medication makes people hallucinate? Because it totally does. There were robots and ransacked but completely unrelated communication towers. It wasn't pretty), and all of my other gazillion responsibilities, I'm just lucky I didn't end up in a padded cell with a whole bunch of happy pills.

Anyway, I've finally gotten around to finishing the next chapter of "Waiting for an Excuse." I sent it off to my beta tonight, so as soon as she points out all of my many flaws, I stop crying over my complete inability to write anything decent without help, I fix the mistakes and then remember how to post things (yes, it's been that long), you'll finally get something new from me.

It's a good thing I have good hair, right? No matter how annoying I may get, no matter how long it takes me to update, you can't hate people with good hair.

Oh, and I'm still looking for recommendations for my Venus/Malachite C2 archive! Staff and story recommendations would be very welcome.

February 2009:

I've recently discovered that I have a C2 archive. I'd forgotten all about it, but I've decided to change the archive to focus on stories with Mina and Malachite/Kunzite. I've only had time to add a handful of stories, but I'm now looking for staff and story suggestions...and suggestions for a better title for the community, because I drew a complete blank and put something abysmally stupid.

STORY UPDATING INFO (First story listed is the one I'm currently working on):

ORIGINAL WORKS ON FICTIONPRESS (Under Venus Smurf1, NOT Venus Smurf): http://www.fictionpress.com/u/561745/

I BLAME THE LLAMAS: Chapter Nine: 60 percent completed.

Summary: I don’t believe in reincarnation, but if it is real, Christian is SO gonna be some type of fungus in the next life!

MY STALKER'S NAME IS BUBBA: Chapter 5: 20 percent completed.

Summary: Rachel has always been a little different, but when an invisible boy announces that she only has six months to live, "crazy" takes on a whole new meaning.

"Llamas" was nominated for "Most Awkward Moment" at the Some Kind of Wonderful Awards. How cool is that?

ON FANFICTION.NET:

WAITING FOR AN EXCUSE: Chapter 6: 00 percent completed. Just waiting on my beta now.

BLOOD AND ICE: Upcoming one-shot (Pfft. Like I'm ever going to get around to finishing this one, at least at the rate I'm going!)

COMPLICATIONS IN THE LIFE OF A MOP GIRL: Chapter 3: 5 percent.

HER FAULT: Part 3/3: 15 percent.

PRODIGAL DAUGHTER: Chapter 2: 60 percent completed.

A DIFFERENT VENUS: Chapter 3: 75 percent completed. Stupid writer's block...

THE BURDEN OF ETERNITY: Chapter 9: 10 percent completed.

SUSPICIONS--Chapter 6: Malachite the Pervert: 5 percent completed.

REFUSING TO RUN--Chapter 5: 15 percent completed.

PROMISES FROM A STRANGER--Chapter 3: Had it done, but really need to start over. Could be awhile.

Edited ROOMMATES: Chapter 5: 0 percent completed, and I probably won't get any more done any time soon.

THE REASON: Chapter Two: 1 percent (I have the title...)

As for the others...well, if I haven't updated something in less than three years, it's clearly on hiatus. I'm planning to finish everything eventually, but "eventually" could be a long time in coming.

UPCOMING STORIES:

Blood and Ice: When he fell in love with the angel in the snow, he didn't realize that she'd already fallen. Mina/Mal one-shot.

Hana Yori Dango one-shot: Five years after the death of Tsukasa, Rui is still waiting... 50 percent completed.

Feel free to put any of my stories on your sites--just let me know and give me credit.

And my eternal thanks to my brilliant and wonderful betas: Magician (all), JadesRose (Suspicions), Huri (Refusing to Run), Sargent Snarky (BOE), Lightspeed Sazuka (Promises and Suspicions), Destiny's Darkness (Waiting), Through Darkness (Different Venus), storyteller (Mop Girl) and Co.!