╔═╦╦══╦══╦╗╔╦══╦══╗╔╗
║║║║╔╗║╔╗║║║╠╗╔╣╔╗║║║ Put this on your
║║║║╚╝║╚╝╣║║║║║║║║║╚╝ page if you love
║║║║╔╗║╔╗║╚╝║║║║╚╝║╔╗ Naruto! GO ON DO IT! U KNOW U WANT TO!!
╚╩═╩╝╚╩╝╚╩══╝╚╝╚══╝╚╝

Favorite shows/animes: Naruto, Bleach, Yu-gi-oh, Fullmetal Alchemist, WWE ( though not so much anymore), and CSI.

Desclaimer to my stories: I don't own Naruto. sob What a cruel world...

Oh and, also, I don't own any of the songs from avenue q.

My fav. characters:

In Naruto: The whole Akatsuki (except team Hawk), Gaara, Naruto, Sasuke (in part one, before he went to orrochimaru), Kakashi, Guy, Sakura, Neji, Lee, Kiba, Shikamaru, and Kabuto.

In Bleach: Ichigo and Rukia (mad drawing skillz)

In Yu-gi-oh: Bakura, Yami Bakura, Yami Yugi, Yugi, Seto Kaiba, Mokuba, Joey, Duke Devlin, Marik and Yami Marik.

In FMA: Ed, Al, Hughes and Roy Mustang.

yayz!! I finnaly got an account on dA!!

http://akatsukifangirl91.deviantart.com/art/Akatsuki-pets-128638368 this is my first drawing, staring the Akatsuki from my story "Akatsuki pets"

Okayz, time for some of my favorite quotes:
Naruto Abridged (made by Vegeta3986 and Masakox):

Naruto: (About the log): Wow, i think someone finnaly beat you for lack of personnality, Sasuke!
Sasuke: Grrr!! Another thing the log beat me at! Defeating that thing is my one reason for existance!!

Gaara: (To Sasuke): Can Sasuke come out to DIE?
Kakashi: Not now.
Gaara: Ok. (Closes eyes than opens them again) How about now?

Yu-gi-oh Abridged (made by Littlekuriboh):

Yami: Wait a moment. Did you just sommon a bunch of monsters in one turn?
Kaiba: Yeah, so?
Yami: That's against the rules, isn't it?
Kaiba: Screw the rules, I have money!!

Tristan: My voice gives me super strenght, but it also helps that I'm wearing a heavy suit of armor!

Tristan: My voice gives me super strenght! (Punches giant boulder, that explodes.) Holy s#it, it really does!!

Marik: Our first order of business is to discuss what went wrong with our last plan. It was a total and utter sham. Sham I say! And that's a word I don't often use. Sham! Shamity sham sham!
Yami Bakura: Well, I think that...
Marik: SHAM!
Yami Bakura: Are you quite finished?
Marik: Perhaps!

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No.

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Choose -- Me or your life.

Boy: My life.

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says:

" The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind"

"The reason why I don't like you is because I love you"

"The reason why I don't want you is because I need you"

"The reason why I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left"

"The reason why I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you"

"The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you"

"The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life"

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, paste this into your profile.

Copy and Paste if you've got yourself an addiction to...DEIDARAAAAA!!

THE NARUTARD SURVEY! NARUTARDS UNITE!

1. Who is your favorite Naruto character(s)? The whole Akatsuki (except team Hawk), Gaara, Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi, Guy, Sakura, Neji, Lee, Kiba, Shikamaru, and Kabuto.

2. What is your favorite pairing(s)? i don't really have any favorite pairings, it's really a random thing for me...

3. Are you a Naruto yaoi, yuri or hentai fan? Not really, no (although the sasunaru moments in the anime are pretty funny...)

4. Ever cosplayed Naruto characters? If so, who, where and how many times? I once made a tobi mask, but never actually had a chance to cosplay as him, (but i intend to...)

5. List your collection of Naruto junk and merchandise, if any: Naruto ultimate ninja 2 and 4 for ps2, various naruto manga, a gaara plushie and a Rock Lee keychain.

6. Have you ever felt that you were destined to be with a Naruto character? If so, who? Yes. Deidara, because that would be so awesome (fangirl dream...)

7. NaruHina or KibaHina? I think both are pretty good pairings.

8. SasuSaku or SasuNaru? SasuSaku. But the anime seems to think differently...

9. Which team is your favorite? Can the Akatsuki be considered a team? If so, Akatsuki. If not, team 7.

10. Do you support the obito theory? (Tobi=Obito) No. But I can see way many fans out there still do.

11. Do you support the 'Yondaime is Naruto's father' theory? Not really a theory, but yeah.

12. Your favorite Akatsuki member? Deidara.

13. Are you Pro-Sasuke or Anti-Sasuke? Sort of anti-Sasuke, because he could REALLY use an attitude ajustment, and pro because nonetheless he is still cool.

14. Have you seen all Naruto episodes so far (including Shippuden and fillers)? Nope. but i'm trying to catch up :)

15. Have you read all the chapters so far? Not really. :(

16. Do you believe Naruto has ADD? No he can really pay attention if he wants to.

17. Sub or dub? I think that both are ok.

18. Pro-Sakura or Anti-Sakura? Pro-sakura. Especially in the Shippuden.

19. Tobi = Annoying or funny? Funny. Especially when he annoys his fellow Akatsuki. lol

20. Do you even know who Tobi is? Of course. Who doesn't?

21. Gai = Sexy beast or Ugly nerd? More like someone who needs to improve his wardrobe. But otherwise cool.

22. Which character would be the best crossdresser? Naruto because of his Sexy Jutsu.

23. Rock Lee = Weird or Awesome? Awesome.

24. Which character would be best OOC? Who and how? Itachi. I'd love to see him act like Tobi. lol

25. Do you like Naruto fanfics? LOVE them all.

26. Do you write Naruto fanfics? Yes, and i have several published.

27. Do you like lemons? They're ok, i guess.

28. Do your parents know about the Naruto characters? Yes, my mom does, but only that the show is called Naruto, but she keeps misspelling it. It's really annoying...

29. Have you watched the Naruto Abridged Series? Yes, and they ROCK!! Especially the ones made by MasakoX and Vegeta3986.

30. Have you seen The Naruto Ultimate Fanflashes? Yeah, they're the best.

31. Have you ever gotten someone else hooked on Naruto? Yes, my best friend.

32. Have you ever been drawing Naruto in school and has someone recognized it? Again, yes my best friend.

33. Have you ever been in class drawing Naruto and the teacher came up to you and said 'WTF is this?' No, but I wouldn't wanna think what they would to my drawing...

34. Has Naruto affected your school life and grades? Not really.

35. Are you broke thanks to Naruto? Was once, not anymore.

36. Do you want to read Icha Icha Paradise? HELL NO!

37. Do you support the 'Yondaime is the Akatsuki Leader' theory? Nah, the minute I heard about that theory, I thought: " Can't be."

38. Do you draw Naruto fanart? If so, count how many there are in your gallery. Yes, one.

39. Is Sasuke still sexy in his second stage of the cursed seal? Nah, he looks like he has lipstick on.

40. Do you have a Naruto OC? Yes, 2 OC's in one of my stories (still in progress...) that are Leaf missing-nins named Sasha and Mary. They're best friends!! And Sasha made her debut in my story "Akatsuki Pets"

41. Looking back at some of your answers, do you think Naruto has taken over your life? Absolutely.

-Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!

-Sometimes I Wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" and then it hits me!!

-Boys: can’t live with em, and it’s illegal to shoot em.

-What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

-Heh. I'm looking forward to regretting this

-Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why

-I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying?

-A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

-They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Maybe of laughter...

-It's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?

-When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch as the world wonders how the fuck you did it.

-When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell.

-Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.

If you wish to see the Akatsuki take over the world at the end of Naruto, copy and paste this into your profile.

THE WE HATE KARIN CLUB: If you hate Karin from NARUTO, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Pink Crescent Moon, Miyako-hime, XSakuraHarunoX, I'm in love with a Uchiha23, Angel Of Cherry Blossoms, Cherrilatina, CherryBlossoms016, Sakuranata, WeaponsMistress1, AppleBlossom69, Kinky-Nami-Lass, Sugar.Coated.Rainbow, Deidara's Sugar Girl, The Authoress of Heartbreak, Naruto-fan-Okami-chan, Gaarafangirl91

Sing in the tune of "I love you, you love me"

I love you

You love me

Let's go out and KILL KARIN

With a 'death bomb'

Bang! Boom!

KARIN'S ON THE FLOOR

No more stupid ugly WHORE!!

If you hate Karin from NARUTO copy and paste these Karin bashings:

Karin is so fat, not even Naruto can believe it!
Karin is so fat, not even the byakugan can see through her.
Karin is so fat, she made fun of Chouji for being skin and bones
Karin is so fat, Tazuna considered using her as the bridge to the mainland.
Karin is so fat, that when Lee was doing her, he gave up.
Karin is so stupid, she couldn't find any of the "hidden" villages.
Karin is so stupid, she took a shit thinking it would open the 8 inner gates.
Karin is so old, Gai dropped his "Power of youth" philosophy on the spot.
Karin is so ugly, ANBU thought she was in the second level of the curse mark, and kicked her butt.
Karin is so ugly, even Sasuke couldn't ignore it.
Karin is so ugly, Itachi felt like his eyesight was diminishing when he saw her.
Karin is so ugly, it's forbidden just to transform into her
Karin is so ugly, Juugo's curse seal made him run for his life.
Karin is so ugly, the Nine-tails fled in fear.
Karin is so ugly, she made Jiraiya too scared to peek again when he saw her.
Karin is so ugly, They made her join ANBU just so they can put a mask on her
Karin is so ugly, when she passed by Hinata, Hinata yelled 'dayummmmm!'

Deidara will never be forgotten and will live on in our hearts. If you think this PLEASE copy and paste this in your profile. (Poor Deidara-Sempai)

Post this on your profile if every time you hear the word weasel you think of Itachi

IF YOU BELIEVE THAT ITACHI IS NOT DEAD, PLEASE COPY AND PASTE!!

If you can raed tihs, cnorgadluatoins! you are one of the samrt peploe who dno't need to look at the wrod idniviudlaly, but as a wolhe! Olny samrt poelpe can raed tihs bceuase tehy are good raedres. Msot good raedres can raed wrdos wehn the frist and lsat ltetres of the wrod are the smae, and tehre are the smae auomnt of lteters in the wrod...if you could read that, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile. It happenned to me in French. I always got B's and i STILL don't know how to speak French.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you've ever sung a song you hated so much, copy and paste this into your profile. Stupid Elmo song...

If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventalated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile

If you love Naruto so much you wish the characters were real so you coud be one of them, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile. (it says enter with permission only... I wonder why...)

If your profile is long, copy this onto it to make it even longer

If you have ever dreamed about being an Anime Character, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc. then copy this into your profile!

If you avoid teen fads and don't live your life according to others copy and paste this.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile. Believe it!!

If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile. Anime, video games, cartoons, comics, you name it...

If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile. Nobody says "game over" to me!!

I once read that only math can save us now. Put this in your profile if you're screwed.

If you are a Gaara Fanatic copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the Naruto characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. By the way, Tobi says that he's a good boy!!

Post this on your profile if you have ever had a major fan girl moment.

If you believe that Naruto is the Best Anime out there then copy and paste this onto your page to spread the word.. Narutards forever and ever!!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you ever suffered from FanFiction withdraw copy this into your profile!

If you think Orochimaru is what you get when Michael Jackson and Voldemort have unprotected sex, C&P this into your profile.

If you really hate Sasuke from Naruto, and wish Gaara had killed him when he had the chance, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list Gaaras1Girl, Gaarafangirl91

If you're convinced Sasuke is gay and emo, copy and paste this into your profile.

Sasuke Uchiha... Just when you thought you were too mature to hate a cartoon character.

If you think Itachi should tell Sasuke to "quit being a wussy", copy and paste this into your profile. lol

If you think Sasuke should kill Karin, put this on your profile-then add your name. Myatei-of-the-akatsuki, Gaarafangirl91

All the good men in this world are either gay, taken, or fictional charaters. Copy if true. It's not fair... sob

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself and aren't afraid to admit it to anyone, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you often laugh maniacally when you're all by yourself, please copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are always the last picked in gym class, and if you don't care, please copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is ridiculously long, copy and paste this into your profile to make it even longer.

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever left one room to get something from another room, then once you were in the other room, forgot what you were trying to get, copy and paste this in your profile.

~~If you think Akatsuki rule,put this on ur profile!!~~

IF YOU HATE KARIN FROM NARUTO FEEL FREE TO PUT THIS IN YOUR PROFILE!

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me

99.5 percent of teenagers and kids have a myspace and are literally addicted, if you are the 0.5 who thinks myspace is a dumb way to make friends, relationships, etc. post this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. In class, all the time!

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

Screw cookies - the Dark Side has YAOI!

ಠ_ಠ(-\) WEE! ART IS A BANG! UN
/_\Put this on your page if you love Deidara

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Girl: Slow down!

Guy: No this is fun!

Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you. Now slow down.

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gave him a big hug.

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me.

In the newspaper, the next day, a motorcyle crashed into a building because of break failure.

Two people were on it and only one survived.

The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realised his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know.

Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die.

If you would do the same for the person you love, copy and paste this into your profile.

I solemly swear that anyone who flames my stories will get a flame back. FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! BEAT OUT THE FLAMES! If you agree (or hate flamers) put this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that's weird. If you agree, copy/paste this into your profile.

BANANA PHONE! HA.HA.HAHA! post this on your profile if you are extremely random

If you have ToyBox, Caramell, and Dr. Bombay on the same iPod you have Metallica, Three Days Grace and Linkin Park, add this onto your profile. (mine's an mp4, but it's still true...)

If you have ever said that an anime character is sexy and you love them and you mean it, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the population would die if Johnny Depp said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy this onto your profile if you would be one of the 2 percent that is laughing your ass off.

If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!

If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have EVER yelled at a TV after getting frustrated at someone who can't hear you, put this on your profile.

If you have ever considered going to the dark side since they have cookies, copy this onto your profile.

If you ever spouted a naruto character quote on command, copy and paste this into your profile. Mostly "Believe it!!" and "Art is a BANG!!"

If your family wonders how you can remember all the naruto character's names, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're obsessed with writing/reading fan fictions with an OCxCharacter coupling, copy and paste this.

If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

Doing homework sucks. Copy and paste this into your profile if you agree.

COCA COLA WENT TO TOWN

PEPSI COLA KNOCKED HIM DOWN

DR PEPPER PICKED HIM UP

NOW WE'RE DRINKING 7 UP.

7 UP CAUGHT THE FLU

AND NOW WE'RE DRINKING MOUNTAIN DEW

MOUNTAIN DEW FELL OFF THE MOUNTAIN

NOW WE'RE DRINKING WATER FOUNTAIN

WATER FOUNTAIN BROKE

AND NOW WE'RE DRINKING COKE!

Copy and Paste...this is hilarious!! :-P

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, Paper Hearts and Paper Cuts Anita Tseu, Kawaii Chibi-kun, Djsakura, gaarafangirl91

Translations: Japan - English (((not by me!)))

Jobun = Foreword
Shô = Chapter

Ichi = One
Ni = Two
San = Three
Shi / Yon = Four
Go = Five
Roku = Six
Shichi / Nana = Seven
Hachi = Eight
Kyuu = Nine
Juu = Ten
JuuIchi = Eleven
JuuNi = Twelve
JuuSan = Thirteen
JuuShi = Fourteen
JuuGo = Fifteen
JuuRoku = Sixteen
JuuShichi = Seventeen
JuuHachi = Eighteen
JuuKyuu = Nineteen
NiJuu = Twenty

Haru = Spring
Natsu = Summer
Aki = Fall
Fuyu = Winter

Sayonara = Goodbye
Ohayo gozaimasu = Good morning
Konnichi wa = Good afternoon
Konban wa = Good everning
Oyasumi nasai = Good night
Merii kurisumasu = Happy Christmas
Akemashite omedeto gozaimasu = Happy New Year

Moshi moshi? = Hello? ("Moshi moshi?", is something they say everytime they answer the phone)

Oh dear Kami-sama = Oh dear Lord / Oh dear God
Oh Kami = Oh God

Nakama = It can mean friend, but has a much stronger meaning to it like: Super-duper-bestest-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world-where-nothing-can-ever-ever-ever-EVER-tear-us-apart...

Koibito / Amate = Lover

Anata = means 'you' but also can mean 'dear'

Koi = Love

Koishii = Dearest / Sweetheart

Ichizoku = Family or Clan, ex. The Uchiha Ichizoku (The Uchiha Clan)

Otou-sama, Otou-san, Otou-chan, Tou-sama, Tou-san, Tou-chan, Chichioya (Chichiue),'Oyaji' = Father, dad, 'Old man'

Okaa-sama, Okaa-san, Okaa-chan, Kaa-sama, Kaa-san, Kaa-chan, Hahaoya (Hahaue) = Mother, mom

Onii-sama, Onii-san, Onii-chan, Nii-sama, Nii-san, Nii-chan, Aniki, Ani, (Name, ex. Naruto)-nii = Older brother, Big brother, (Ani) brother equally, big brother (Naruto)

Onee-sama, Onee-san, Onee-chan, Nee-sama, Nee-san, Nee-chan, (Name, ex. Sakura)-nee = Older sister, Big sister, big sister (Sakura)

Otouto-sama, Otouto-san, Otouto-kun, Otouto-chan, Otouto, (Name, ex. Sasuke)-otouto = Younger brother, little brother, baby brother, little brother (Sasuke)

Imouto-sama, Imouto-san, Imouto-chan, Imouto, (Name, ex. Hanabi)-imouto = Younger sister, little sister, baby sister, little sister (Hanabi)

Ojii-sama, Ojii-san, Ojii-chan, Jii-sama, Jii-san, Jii-chan, 'Oyaji' = Grandfather, 'Old man'

Obaa-sama, Obaa-san, Obaa-chan, Baa-sama, Baa-san, Baa-chan, Sobo = Grandmother, Granny, 'Old hag'

Oji-sama, Oji-san, Oji-chan, Ji-sama, Ji-san, Ji-chan = Uncle

Itoko-sama, Itoko-san, Itoko-kun, Itoko-chan = Cousin

Ossan = Old man / Mister

Onna = Woman

Gaki = Brat

-sama = For higher status, ex. Hokage, Clan Head, ex. Tsunade-sama, Hiashi-sama

-san = For people you respect, ex. Kakashi-san, or with surname only: Hatake-san

-kun = For a boy / man you are familiar with, ex. Sasuke-kun

-chan = For a girl woman you are familiar with, also refered to cute, ex. Sakura-chan

-sensei = For a teacher, doctor, ex. Iruka-sensei, Tsunade-sensei

-taichou = For a captain, ex. Hatake-taichou (Captain Hatake)

-shishou = For boss or a teacher in a job, ex. Tsunade-shishou (By Sakura)

-senpai = For a senior in school or in a job, ex. Neji-senpai, Deidara-sempai

-kouhai (Sp?) = For a junior in school or in a job, ex. Naruto-kouhai

remember when:
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
'm 0 m' (was your hero)
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now!!

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping
it all over his lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him
by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to
football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by
jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to
the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch
certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion.
You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You
thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him
by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked
him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus
carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you
how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the
country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him. You
thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their
children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If you love your dad, post this on your profile

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
You're diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember that half the people you know are below average.
Despite the high cost of living, it's still extremely popular.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Drive way too fast and you don't have to worry about cholesterol.
If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
Borrow money only from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy the evidence.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough chlorine!)
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

5 Truths of Life.

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it

3. The first truth is a lie

4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it... (Idiot!)

5. You still have a stupid smile lingering on your face

Now, if you fell for it (I KNOW you did), copy & paste this into your profile.

Oh well… I already knew I was an Idiot .!

5 Truths of life:

1. You can kiss your elbow

2. You are now thinking you are not falling for that one again

3. You think you're so smart

4. The fact is that that is a lie

5. You are now trying to kiss your elbow

These are actually on the labels.

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On artificial bacon:

"Real artificial bacon bits". (we don't get fake fake bacon. we get real fake bacon.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

On an American Flag: Made in China

At Funplex: Paintless Paintball (So it's...ball?)

Next to a kid's place: Adult Movies

In a Parking Lot: Do not park in the parking lot. (That's okay, the streets are empty.)

QUOTES TO LIVE BY

1.) Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

2.) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler

Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.

14.) Oh god! They took my freaking kidney!

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head

19.) "Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

21.) Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

Guns don't kill people. I do.

My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.

30.) flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

31.) Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

32.) The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

33.) The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

34.) Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.

I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have.

39.) Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

42.) Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

46.) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!

48.) I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

56.) You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

57.) Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.

58.) A day without sunshine is like... night.

59.) A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!

60.) Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot

61.) Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

62.) Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

63.) I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

64.) I do what cheerios tell me.

65.) I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.

66.) I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you!

67.) I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in back round: Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me: That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that...

68.) If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.

69.) My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...

70.) Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.

72.) Okay...so there's this thing called retarded-ness and me and my freinds, well...We've gone pro.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Won't tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you're not down anymore.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down.
REAL FRIENDS: Grab you by the shoulders, shake you, and say "Bitch, snap out of it!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Always keep your stuff they borrowed in perfect condition.
REAL FRIENDS: Lose your shit and tell you, "My bad ... here's a tissue."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite.
REAL FRIENDS: Raise an eyebrow and say "Bitch, I'll eat what I want" and are the reason you never have food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a very embarrassing book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask you what you number is.
REAL FRIENDS: Remind you what you number is when you forget.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell.
REAL FRIENDS: Would willingly go skinny-dipping in a tank of acid before they even consider telling.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will offer to pay when you have a drink.
REAL FRIENDS: Will laugh and say "Pay my ass! You'll pay for mine, bitch!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk.
REAL FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk alone.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Sucks for you" and finally cave after a few hours and then say "You owe me for this, you fatass."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will smile and say "Don't worry about me" when they forget their lunch money, even if you didn't offer to pay.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Bitch, I'm a fatass and I'm starving, now buy me some damn food."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will automatically tell you you're beautiful when you ask if something makes you look fat.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Well no shit, sherlock."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would tell you not to get a face-lift because you already look perfect.
REAL FRIENDS: Would say "Face-lift? I don't think a fork-lift would help."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Tell you your zits aren't noticeable.
REAL FRIENDS: Say "Damn, girl! That thing is HUGE!!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh with you.
REAL FRIENDS: Laugh at you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes.
REAL FRIENDS: Tell you your jokes suck.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades.
REAL FRIENDS: Say "Jeez, you nerd. If you were in stupid classes like me, we'd see each other more."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Encourage you not to skip school.
REAL FRIENDS: Photoshop one of their old doctor's notes and use it to spring you from school.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will glare at the guy who dumps you and say "Forget him. You're too good for him."
REAL FRIENDS: Kick the guy's ass and threaten to castrate him with a spork if he comes within five miles of you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Crush on your older brother whom you absolutely despise.
REAL FRIENDS: Hate you older brother as much as you do and give him the nick-name "Faggot".

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." copy and paste this into your profile if you didn't even know sexy was gone.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

T-Shirt Slogans:

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!

National Sarcasm Society. (Like we need your support.)

I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.

Your dreams have been answered: I’m here!

Who are you and why are you reading my shirt?

I have no idea what I’m doing out of bed.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

Everyone has the right to be stupid. But you’re abusing the privilege.

Good morning is an oxymoron.

Selective listener.

I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

First the good news—I made bail...

I may not be right, but I can sure sound like it.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!

Whoever said that 'nothing was impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it.

When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.

I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

Real friends don't let you do stupid things--alone