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| A.A. Pessimal |
Author has written 74 stories for Discworld, Good Omens, Biggles series, Dennis the Menace, Father Ted, Captain Scarlet, Misc. Comics, British Comedy, Lord of the Rings, Scandinavia and the World, Thunderbirds, Daria, Family Guy, and Frasier. OK, so where do I begin... Male. Should be old enough to know better. Doesn't. Educated in a school that combines aspects of Terry Pratchett's Hugglestones Academy crossed with the Assassins' Guild school. Served, in a way that combined aspects of Lieutenant Blouse and Nobby Nobbs, in the British Army (dewch ymlaen, bechgyn...). My chosen avatar: I spotted this character in a cartoon strip (9 Chickweed Lane by Brooke McIldowney) amd I thought - well, she thought - it was the image of me when I was younger and had a beard. so I thought - why not? Further educated at the University of the Esoteric Arcana, Norwich, England. a tribute to what an architect can do with seven million knock-off breezeblocks. Currently resident in Stockport, a nondescript town overlapping the south of Manchester. Stockport has a twinning arrangement with a sunny hotspot in the South of France, so it's easy to see what our councillors get out of the deal viz-a-viz freebies and "fact-finding missions". It is less easy to see what Beziers gets out of being twinned with Stockport, which, if anything, should be excluded from any sort of twinning. However, the town is more temperamentally suited to opening a joint suicide pact with somewhere in Sweden. Used to be too intelligent by half, but by virtue of persistent and diligent alcohol ingestation, is now only too clever by about a quarter. About FanFiction:- Why do it? Because here's only a limited amount of the real thing out there and really good writers fire your imagination and you want more. With only one new Discworld book appearing each year... well, you have to create and share your creations. The best of it is satisfactorily like the real thing and provides a fix, maybe in a codeine-compared-to-medical-heroin sort of way. But it isn't original or ethical:- Funny, nobody ever says that to those very talented and capable musicians who form tribute bands dedcated to copying and performing other people's original works with note-for-note accuracy. Fanfic writers are actually taking it a step further by producing original work in the style of... even if the technical competence is variable, at least we're showing originality within the framework of, say, Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld or Father Ted's Craggy Island purgatory. Look upon us as the tribute bands to great modern authors. Some superlative, some merely good, and some deluding themselves. It has rules:- Word of God, ie the author's published canon (including publically released notes, outlines and possible themes) is the final arbiter. If I write Terry Pratchett's Discworld, say, I don't let the original characters say or do anything out of known character. I don't let their backstories or histories stray from those set for them by Terry. I use the Discworld maps when plotting stories and I try to use them logically and realistically. (ie, it takes time to walk from the Tump to Dolly Sisters and the most logical route is...) It has possibilities:- The OC's are so clear in the minds of anyone who reads them. The principal members of Terry's rep company of characters are so sharp and clear and developed that it would be hard to go out of character with them (I steer away from slash - although that's not saying I'll never do it, all things are possible). Similarly, the bulk of the action takes place in either Ankh-Morpork or Lancre, both of which are well-developed "sets" for the action. OK, Terry has taken the action to places like Genua and Überwald and offered us glimpses of Agatea, Fourecks and Howondaland. But it's a big Discworld with lots of space on it. That's a big playground... so just as Fourecks is emphatically not Australia, I have taken the liberty of introducing another lost colony, for which any resemblence to South Africa at a nasty stage of its history is all in the mind. But oh, such fun to write, especially as I can throw in some Tom Sharpe homage as well... a Discworld country which is very definitely not Canada, but which has some Canada-like qualities, is in preperation... And it has character:- I try to steer clear of introducing completely original characters. OK, maybe Joan Sanderson-Reeves, who is an amalgam of a British character actress who did mem-sahib types, of my old school Matron, and my former mother-in-law, who was an old-time classroom monster who could make a kid wet her knickers in fear from fifty feet away. She was needed as literary glue, to help three other characters cohere together. But my favourites are the "barely there" characters, who appear once in the Discworld canon and who while being there and given roles and occupations and names, are yet even to speak or do much more than be spear-carriers in the background. Miss Smith-Rhodes, Madame Deux-Epees, Alice Band... Terry dropped an enormous clue in the very name of Miss Smith-Rhodes ( look at the political history of Southern Africa) which was a gift in fleshing her out as a rather stroeppy Suid-Efrrrrikaan. Madame Deux-Epees could be nothing other than "Quirmian", and I have, I hope, treated Alice Band sympathetically (Terry might raise an eyebrow at her sexuality, though; but this seemed to write itself and felt right. As Alice pointed out in assessing herself, Johanna and Emmanuelle: "Ye Gods. A dyke, a virgin and a nympho. We really are a wide scross-selection. Now scroll down to the bottom where there's a list of sixty-odd things I've written. You might not get the full flavour if you haven't read too much Discworld, but I hope they can be read intelligably as "stand-alones". "Murder most 'Orrible" is a crime thriller where the Assassins, the professional killers, have to act as the Murder Squad and arrest the suspect. You maybe don't need too much background Pratchett for this. Similarly with Whys and Weres, where a werewolf has to understand that her folk aren't the only shapeshifters in town - there's competition, and of a feline sort at that. Rincewind among the Redskins develops a throwaway joke about Red Indians on the Discworld - Pratchett set them in "Howondaland", the Discworld's Africa, so somehow they needed to be fitted in there... (the Disc has no official North America, so its Indians need to fight for space with "Arabs", and both black and white "Africans"). Fans, though, have said my best two works, unadulterated slices of Pratchett pastiche, are The New Guild and The Civilian Assistant. You now have a chance to decide for yourself. This must be said:- One of my fanfics offended readers of the Mormon persuasion. What can i say apart from - if you come into the Good Omens continuum through the door marked "Crowley", then you will be cynical about religion. This is the text of an "author's note" I appended to the story: apparently these are forbidden in the story itself, but may go here:- Crowley v Crowley, part ten – an apology I crave your indulgence if you were expecting to see more of our heroes in the murky world of ritual magic in late 19th-century Europe. The research for this has taken longer than I thought, and besides, I feel I can't move on without making some sort of personal statement and a little apology here first. I delayed a bit about writing the continuation of this tale, as an aspect of writing GO fanfic that I'd kind of anticipated, but still didn't know how to respond to when it happened, was the realisation that in being sceptical and rational of mind about religion, and especially in putting established world religion through the filters of Crowley and Aziraphile's collective world-view, was that sooner or later I'd offend somebody. I was prepared for denunciation and angry responses over my portrayal of Islam and the Prophet in an earlier chapter. As it happens, that chapter garnered nothing but praise and approval and a general thumbs-up from readers, both in published reviews and PM's, for which I thank you. Even though I'm vaguely disappointed that I am not the subject of any fatwas and I can walk anonymous and unmolested down Stockport Road(1), and can still go for a decent curry in Rusholme(2) without it being spat into or worse. The crunch moment came in the last chapter when I had Crowley, in his inimitable way, help establish the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter-Day Saints. A reader of the Mormon faith contacted me to express a degree of hurt and offence at my portrayal of the Mormons. This worried me and if that reader is reading this now, I know I didn't respond and please don't take that for bad manners, except by default. The fact I'd been called to task raised a lot of issues and I really didn't know how to respond. Was I morally right to give offence to even one reader's sincerely-held religious beliefs? Was my right to candid comment and free expression so important? This has been niggling me for a long time – hence this tale has been suspended in the telling – but I've decided to let the greater part of everything I wrote about the Mormons stand. Leaving aside the fictional component – and do realise my use of Crowley as ultimate founder of the religion is completely fictional, you can discount this as you please – everything else I wrote about the Mormon faith is completely truthful and may be verified by a look at any objective history book. This religion did until not very long ago adopt a racist, all-white, position and denied black people and native Americans church membership. It really did hold as a theological view that only white people had souls and blacks were nothing more than a semi-human animal. And this did provoke a row with the American taxation authorities, who quite reasonably held the point of view that taxpayers' dollars – some of which came from black Americans - could not be seen to subsidise an openly racist church. QUOTES DESCRIBING MORMON RACISM:- But our greatest leaders have emphasized time and again that they are inferior beings who really shouldn't stand alongside civilized men. "John Smith is the founder of the church and regarded as a a holy prophet. And he wrote: ‘Had I anything to do with the negro, I would confine them by strict law to their own species.' The second prophet and former president, Brigham Young, whom the famed university is named after, stated: ‘You see some classes of the human family that are black, uncouth, uncomely, disagreeable, sad, low in their habits, wild, and seemingly without the blessings of intelligence that is generally bestowed upon mankind.' Despite these pronouncements, though, official church policy eventually caved in to the demonic liberals. Joseph Fielding Smith, our 10th prophet and former president, was forced to say: ‘I would not want you to believe that we bear any animosity toward the Negro. ‘Darkies' are wonderful people, and they have their place in our church.'" And some people contacted me to say I was repeating hateful nonsense with no grounding in fact? To its credit, the Mormon church appears to have grown and evolved past that point, and its former racism has apparently gone the way of polygamy – all Churches, after all, grow and evolve and their world-view alters with time. I can testify to having met and spoken to black Mormon missionaries in Britain who have absolutely no problem with their church and are happy and comfortable with it. After the fall-out over the last chapter this was a point of detail I was keen to research! And of course I can testify to the Mormon church paying more than lip-service to Christian qualities such as charity, in the form of unstinting overseas aid, and disaster relief. (At least, it regularly gives more than other mainstream American churches manage). And it may be near-impossible to get even a decent cup of coffee in Salt Lake City, let alone a decent drink – although I'm told you need to know where to look. I have removed one gratuitous reference from the American chapter, a play on words and the name of the angel Moroni, as I freely admit this was offensive. As well as unoriginal. I apologise unreservedly. As a comment on religion – new religions, new forms of faith, happen from time to time. Their origins may be contentious, but in the long run, set against their potential for doing good and the sum total of the good they bring into the world, does this really matter? I can only quote Anthony Crowley's thoughts on the Islamic faith, as put into his mouth in a previous chapter:- this is amazing, this is a sublime human achievement, but I'm very sorry, it isn't a divine revelation. But it's incredible that it's coming out of this chap's head, all the same. And does it matter where it came from, so long as it's basically accepted by people as a valid religion? This, I guess, is also a comment on Brigham Young and Mr Smith. If it becomes something real and genuine and valid, to a given value of "real", then over time its actual origins matter less and less. And I do recall the reader who objected to my portrayal of the Mormons adid applaud my interpretation of the origins of Islam... a religion which in its Sufi manifestation I do have a lot of sympathy for. Religion is a bridge between men and what they perceive their God's intentions towards them to be. People strive for the unknowable and glimpse of something bigger than they are. I may bill myself as a born-again agnostic, but I still attend Mass now and again. (And make all the Catholic jokes you like – no skin off my nose! My religious education was by Jesuits, an order of priests who are trained to be the Devil's advocates and think the unthinkable. All I can say is – thank you, Fathers, for shaping my brain the way it is and indirectly making this fanfiction possible…) Religion, any serious religion, facilitates and provides shape to this very human need. Including the Mormons, as they are today. But… every religion should be open to criticism as well as praise(3). It keeps them honest, for one thing. And as for people striving for the unknowable and wanting not only glimpse of what lies beyond, but a full Technicolor production on panoramic screen… well, Eliphaz Levi, the Golden Dawn and yes, Aleistar Crowley, will appear in the work from now on, having got this belated apology out of my system. There will also be an unexpected cameo (at least to me – but it began to write itself…) from a character who appears in my GO fanfic, The Viennese Job, with one or two of his mates. In a way, the next couple of chapters will be a postscript and a return to the VJ, so if you ain't read this yet… Dear departed reader, please return to the fold. Am I forgiven? (1) Two big mosques and several madrasses, in an area of Manchester populated by Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Somalians and middle-Easterners. (2) The world-famous "Curry Mile" – actually more like the curry two-thirds of a mile- where two out of every three businesses are "Indian" eating houses – actually Bangladeshi or Pakistani – with a scattering of Iranian, Lebanese, Syrian, morrocan, and other cuisines of the Islamic world. It also has Manchester's main mosque, and any white European faces tend to be diners and visitors. Any visitor to Manchester should eat here at least once. (3) Apart from we Roman Catholics, who are of course paragons of perfection…. April 2010:- to clarify for the confused. A.A. Pessimal is also known as AgProv on h2g2, the Terry Pratchett L-Space, GoComics, and other talkboards. He just fancied a change here. Therefore a lesser Pratchett character was adopted. Have I become him?? - and given how popular some of the stuff has been, is wondering exactly what a monster he's spawned. FanFic is not a thing people are meant to be good at. It is said, with some justice, that 90% of fanfic is crap,(but the remaining 10% is worth dying for). But here it bloody well is... thousands and thousands of hits on the better stuff (and some that he'd privately call crap) and a catalogue of generally admiring or at least favourable reviews. His favourite authors:- Terry Pratchett (Discworld) Ian Holt George McDonald Frazer (Flashman and McAuslan) Michael Moorcock (straight sci-fi and fantasy) Harry Harrison (satirical sci-fi, sci-fi humour such as The Stainless Steel Rat) Tom Sharpe (the Piemberg farces set in apartheid South Africa; the Wilt series, which are very English comedies and farces of manners) Derek Robinson (black, very black, comedies of air combat in WW1 and WW2 - the anti-Biggles of Capt W.E. Johns) Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea -the magnificent Illuminatus! series Sven Hassell - pulp war fiction. His favourite cartoons/comics:- Classic British childrens' comics, ie Beano, Dandy, Sparky: Dennis the Menace and his chums, anything drawn by Leo Baxendale. VIZ, the filthy but funny anti-comic. Judge Dredd, 2000AD, Slaine Steve Bell's lunatic, left-wing and subversive If... Berke Breathed's Bloom County, the other big newspaper cartoon strip starring a penguin; David Reddick's magnificent fantasy-fiction parody Legend of Bill - Terry Pratchett would approve! Alison Barrow's sweet PreTeena (hey, I've been a stepfather to teenage girls... I'm not saying it was an unalloyed delight, but it gave me a few privileged insights into the way their minds work. Alison Barrows recaptures it perfectly for me with the Keene family of New England) And Jennifer M. Babcock's C'est La Vie - America, and especially L.A., seen through the eyes of an existentially minded Frenchwoman and a very louche toy rabbit, possibly played by Serge Gainsborough. Wickedly funny. Go forth. Read it. These last few available, with the exception of "IF", on GoComics. Humon's excellent Scandinavia and the World. His favourite radio and TV:- classical BBC radio comedy such as The Burkiss Way, H2G2, Son of Cliche Lunatic TV humour like Python, Rutland Weekend TV, Sledge Hammer, Ripping Yarns, Father Ted Breaking News There is a new venture out called the Terry Pratchett Fanon Wiki, in which Fanfic writers are invited to treat their characters, settings and stories as if they were part of the official canon and to use the space as a place to expand, revise, rethink and re-write their concepts. This interests me and I think it has wings, so I've added a few sample articles (as AgProv writing about Pessimal) to help get it started. For instance, a long article explaining more about Johanna Smith-Rhodes, how she is there in the Canon, and how she evolved in my stories into the tough cookie she is today - fills in a lot of her backstory in Howondaland in a way that, I hope, makes her internally consistent. Interested? It's on Wikia. http://pterryfanon.wikia.com/wiki/Discworld_Fanon_Wiki Curently banned from posting on all BBC messageboards. This annoys as I am not a troll, I only write about them. | |||||||
1. Dark Horse of the Moons » reviewsDaphne Moon has a large extended family. She is said to have seven brothers, although only four are seen or referenced in the series. As her engagement to Donny approaches marriage, a fifth Moon brother comes to Seattle. like her, he is a family rebel trying to break free of conformity who has aroused the ire of his parents. But will he get on with the Cranes? And Roz? Read on...Frasier - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,901 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 5-20-13 - Published: 5-7-13 - Daphne & Frasier2. Stuck On you reviewsI couldn't resist this. Reg Shoe, Zombie policeman and political activist, falls in love. Inspired by an Alice Cooper song and throwaway references in the Canon. This is my sick and twisted mind again. I may continue this - warning, it could get sicker and more twisted.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,298 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 4-24-13 - Reg S.3. Slipping Between Worlds » reviewsAn experiment. Discworld will happen here, certainly, but there will also be aspects of Terry Pratchett's non-Discworld novels, the Johnny Maxwell trilogy. The author has written a younger version of himself in as a male "Mary Sue". forgive me...Discworld - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 50 - Words: 242,435 - Reviews: 179 - Updated: 4-11-13 - Published: 7-20-10 - Sam Vimes & Vetinari4. The Discworld Tarot » reviewsNC "DEATH" AT chap. 15! The Tarot Pack is either a neat psychological tool, or it offers genuine portals to the world of The Other, or it's a good way for plausible bluffers like me to earn 20 quid a reading. Or it could be about Discworld characters...NOW WITH MINOR ARCANA! (building slowly but surely.)Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 29 - Words: 65,765 - Reviews: 101 - Updated: 3-22-13 - Published: 1-29-115. The Civilian Assistant » reviewsSet just after "Thud!" with Vetinari torn between rewarding the Watch for averting war and punishing it for poaching A.E. Pessimal from his Palace staff. The Patrican, a man known for elegant economy, finds a way of doing both - simultaneously.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 15 - Words: 61,554 - Reviews: 108 - Updated: 2-16-13 - Published: 6-11-096. There's nothing like a fresh pair of eyes, is there? » reviewsI heard an old fondly remembered song from teenage years, and it gave me EXACTLY the right sort of inspiration to tie up a loose end dangling from "Nature Studies." A young student Assassin, blinded, receives new eyes. But at what cost? Pioneering Igor(ina) surgery combined with a music meme. Or two.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 29,544 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 2-11-13 - Published: 12-7-127. A Shaggy Dog StoryBrian Griffin is a dog with a mission. A sacred duty for the family dog is to obey his master's orders, however stupid. Some mild and bleeped swearing. Look, there's some freakin' swearing in this, right?Family Guy - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 593 - Published: 1-22-13 - Peter G. & Brian G. - Complete8. Zoo Tales » reviewsPosibly the beginning of a new cycle set in the City Zoo. No sex except for the animals and not much swearing. Though watch where you stand...Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 22,711 - Reviews: 18 - Updated: 1-15-13 - Published: 10-22-119. Il se passait au nuit du Père Porcher » reviewsHogswatch is a time when people return from afar to the happy bosom of their loved ones. Failing this, they might make do with their spouses instead. The Assassins' Guild at Hogswatch, and glimpses of a wider Ankh-Morpork. IN ENGLISH!Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 49,268 - Reviews: 48 - Updated: 12-23-12 - Published: 12-21-0910. Camera Obscure » reviewsIn which the sick, sad, world heaps more casual indignities upon the head of Daria Morgendorffer, Princess of Snark. This time a digital camera is intimately involved.Daria - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,448 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 12-17-12 - Published: 12-3-12 - Daria M. & Charles R, III11. A tale of three Germanys Or perhaps four reviewsEuropean history with a SatW twist.Scandinavia and the World - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,197 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12-10-1212. Yes, M'Lady! reviewsAloysius "Nosey" Parker is given an ultimatum by Lady Penelope. Doing to Thunderbirds what I did to "Captain Scarlet".Thunderbirds - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 414 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 11-9-12 - Penelope C. & Parker13. Insinuations reviewsBrother Sweden meets a new spirit (and Toto). They get on like a house on fire... a quick drabble while I'm in the mood.Scandinavia and the World - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 11-9-12 - Complete14. Family's always embarrassing, isn't it? » reviewsThe Nordic boys are invited for a sedate afternoon tea with the Englands. Sweden is looking forward to cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off; Denmark not so happy about a beer-free afternoon. But England has several skeletons in the closet and they are about to emerge...Scandinavia and the World - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,128 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 11-5-12 - Published: 11-4-1215. I shall endure to the end! » reviewsIn which Aziraphale takes great pleasure in alerting Crowley to the youth at the epicentre of a psychic disturbance in the West Midlands. Victorian England is about to be shocked by the antics of a Great Beast... much to Crowley's embarrassment.Good Omens - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 10 - Words: 46,820 - Reviews: 37 - Updated: 8-25-12 - Published: 8-15-09 - Aziraphale & A. Crowley16. One afternoon in Rivendell reviewsA short that came to me fully-formed after reading a debate about Celebrian in the nest of the Orcs and how far the fanfic writer could go in visualising her torments.Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 8-1-12 - Elrond & Celebrian17. Openings of Discworld novels as yet unwritten… » reviewsThe first in an occasional series of opening chapters/paragraphs for which I can't yet see a resolution. If anyone wants to run with them message me and I will gladly give them away. REWRITTEN CHAPTER THREE!Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,008 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 6-21-12 - Published: 7-1-11 - Tiffany A.18. Exit Interview reviewsMrs Whitlow is genuinely sorry to see an employee leave the University in search of a less demanding role elsewhereDiscworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,802 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9-17-11 - Mrs. Whitlow & Ponder Stibbons - Complete19. The Graduation Class » reviewsNOW UNDER REWRITE! Introducing lady Assassins who so far only exist as names and footnotes in the canon, and telling their stories. The first class of girls is about to graduate from the Assassins' School. REVISED CHAPTER ADDED as Chapter 19. 07/11/11Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 85,838 - Reviews: 21 - Updated: 8-24-11 - Published: 5-11-09 - Dr. Cruces & Lord Downey20. The Only One? reviewsEmbuggered by canonical reality - having to rewrite one of my characters so she fits the Word of God, ie, new canonical information about her. The early life of Emmanuelle les Deux-Epees, half Pratchett, half-Pessimal. Some sex, homo and het. French cussDiscworld - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,477 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7-14-11 - Lord Downey & Dr. Cruces - Complete21. The Beginning reviewsIt's fairly obvious the Patricians of the first few Discworld books, say as far as "Mort", were not Havelock Vetinari. But what if they were? How might this have come about? Read on...Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,285 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7-8-11 - Vetinari - Complete22. A Ripping Yarn of the Howondalandian War of 1876 » reviews100 years before "now", the Ankh-Morporkian Empire is dwindling and dying. Like Leshp, a forgotten colony emerges, causing Diplomacy. Setting the scene for a longer tale to come, of heroism, choral singing.Based on obscure references in the Canon of TP.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 28,394 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 6-24-11 - Published: 4-29-0923. Whistle and I'll come to thee, boy! » reviewsA cautionary tale in four chapters from the younger days of Mustrum Ridcully and John Hicks. Warning:- Features scenes of sadism, brutality and PE teaching.Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,751 - Reviews: 13 - Updated: 6-7-11 - Published: 6-2-11 - Mustrum Ridcully24. The wicker Ted? » reviewsAnother Lost Episode of Father Ted. It's a long time since I was last here! In which Ted and Dougal discover much stranger things than normal are going on. The children of the island are a wee bit weird. That's by Craggy Island standards...Father Ted - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,449 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 4-20-11 - Published: 4-3-1125. No More Time For These Trousers reviewsIn "Going Postal", there is the incidental detail that Tolliver Groat's appalling trousers were so dangerous they had to be safely disposed of. But who provided the bomb disposal squad? Read on...Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,714 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 3-22-1126. The Black Sheep » reviewsHowondalandian Assassin Johanna Smith-Rhodes is happy in her job, her profession and her life. What could possibly upset her day? But every family had its black sheep...Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 29,824 - Reviews: 29 - Updated: 3-17-11 - Published: 3-2-11 - Complete27. The Music Meme Game reviewsMy take on Miss Yetigoosecreature's challenge. This is Side One: chosen pieces of music which have inspired Discworld shorts, plus one crossover.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,410 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 3-12-1128. The Turtle Moves reviewsStibbons is tasked with closing down old research projects at the University. What dark secret is covered by "Projecct Chelonian?" Why is the Master of the Music sensing he's dollars in? Read on...Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,858 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 1-3-11 - Ponder Stibbons & Mustrum Ridcully - Complete29. A Game Of One Half And Two Gods reviewsPedestriana, Goddess of Football, has returned to the Disc. But every quality in the Discworld calls into existance its opposite. She discovers another, darker, Football-God has arisen too. Who will win?Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,275 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 11-26-10 - Blind Io & Offler30. Of the dreaded and feared Hashishim of Klatch reviewsJust running with another ball - Terry's throwaway gag about the Hashishim of Klatch - to see where it leads. A quick oneshotDiscworld - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 640 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 11-4-10 - Complete31. Elasticated String Theory reviewsExpanding on details in "I Shall Wear Midnight" where Simon, last seen in "Equal Rites", is described as being very like a certain Roundworld theoretical scientist...Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,304 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 9-14-10 - Eskarina Smith & Ponder Stibbons32. Rag Week reviewsIn British universities Rag Week is an excuse for the students to make nuisances of themselves importuning people for money and performing daft and dangerous stunts. This is the Unseen University version. Expanding on bare bones of story in the canon.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,972 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 7-17-10 - The Librarian & The Bursar - Complete33. Clowning is a Serious Business » reviewsThe Guild of Fools, Joculators and Minstrels is a forbidding place and a closed world where everyone hears rumors but nobody, other than Fools, sees the reality. Until now. A sort of sequel to "Nature Studies".Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 10 - Words: 33,806 - Reviews: 41 - Updated: 7-15-10 - Published: 6-28-1034. Filking around reviewsA very short experiment wih the art and style of the Filk. If you son't know what a Filk is, go to content. Getting over writer's block in another tale by masking myself write and finish something!Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 969 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 7-13-10 - Rincewind35. Look upon my works and despair reviewsTidying up the loose ends after "Pyramids". A short I've been aching to write for some time about a touchingly vulnerable small-part character. Not sure whether this is "complete" as it stands or is "in progress". You decide?Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,022 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 7-8-10 - Vetinari36. Brothers reviewsDoctor Whiteface contemplates the past. Even the stoniest Fool has a heart.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,555 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 7-1-10 - Complete37. Why and were » reviewsWerewolves have had it their own way for too long. They have ceased, for instance, to be able to consider that where there's a will, there's a were-animal. Until the new diplomats arrive from Howondaland...Discworld - Rated: K - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 65,782 - Reviews: 48 - Updated: 5-25-10 - Published: 5-7-10 - Angua & Lord Downey - Complete38. Small medium, large headache » reviewsAn idea that span out of "Rincewind and the Redskins". To a psychic medium, attracting a Red Indian spirit guide is like getting David Beckham to play for your pub team. But sage, wise and kindly? You can get the wrong sort of Indian... stars Mrs Cake.Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,601 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 5-5-10 - Published: 8-19-09 - Complete39. Murder Most 'Orrible » reviewsDomestic Science at the Assassins' School, where whether you add almond essence is truly a life-or-death choice. Joan the teacher confiscates a copy of the "Tanty Bugle". And her past comes up to meet her...Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 21 - Words: 84,324 - Reviews: 66 - Updated: 5-4-10 - Published: 10-5-09 - Complete40. What we did in Operation Sealion » reviewsMarch 1941, in a different universe. The German invasion of Britain has been defeated. Prisoners-of-war taken by the Germans during five months of fighting are being liberated and debriefed. Sergeant Wilson,A, tells the story to Army Intelligence...British Comedy - Rated: K - English - Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,122 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 4-29-10 - Published: 4-27-1041. Fingers reviewsA "Discworld Noir" set in the early days of Lance-Constables Colon and Vimes, S., of the City Watch. Like many old soldiers, Colon has flashbacks to old battlefields. He also has Quirke as Watch Sergeant and deals with a battered wife living on his beat.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,257 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 4-13-10 - Fred C. & Sam Vimes42. Career Guidance » reviewsYou've graduated as an Assassin. You've assisted at an inhumation. You've left school. You can call your former teachers by their first names. But what happens next? Jocasta Wiggs suffers Angst in Ankh-Morpork and goes to a professional for advice.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,739 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 3-24-10 - Published: 3-15-1043. I haven't seen you since Mafeking! reviewsA beseiged city is where War and Famine normally meet. Mafeking in 1901 was one such. But what if another beseiged city was simply so vast, and such a huge battle took place there, that they kept missing each other?Good Omens - Rated: K - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,834 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3-3-10 - Famine & War - Complete44. Discworld love ballads reviewsFollowing on from Lemon Bubble and others - playing with the idea of Discworld Musicals. Three to begin with:- Adora Belle and Moist, Renate Flitworth and Rufus, and Angua. I may return to this at intervals and add new songs.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 982 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2-17-1045. This is where the narrativium wentFulchester. A sleepy city in the North-East of England where nothing ever happens. But like Royston Vasey it sucks people in. And it's getting ready for the birth of VIZ Comic.Misc. Comics - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,027 - Published: 2-4-10 - Complete46. When the War is Over reviewsA not entirely serious and somewhat satirical look at the Captain Scarlet world just after the end of the Mysteron war. Owes something to the humour of Terry Pratchett and homages Douglas Adams but does not crossover. Loosely episodic.Captain Scarlet - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,197 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 11-11-09 - Complete47. Rincewind among the Redskins » reviewsDigging into the backstory of "Reaper Man". A magical accident flips Rincewind through time and space and into the middle of a war. Of course he's on the losing side. Can he escape the Ladies Sewing Circle or the Sun Dance Card?Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 12 - Words: 39,776 - Reviews: 30 - Updated: 11-3-09 - Published: 7-23-0948. So You Think You Had A Bad Hair Day? reviewsInspired by a piece of throwaway dialogue in the latest TP. A new constable joins the Watch from faraway Ephebe. Angua and Sally have particular reasons to take her for a drink in Biers. Yuri has an arresting glance, so to speak... cussing, Eng and GrDiscworld - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,854 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 10-24-09 - Complete49. Nature Studies » reviewsThe New Assassins' School teaches zoology and respect for the environment. No, it's not got all hippy and tree-huggy. It's not that sort of school and the Nature Trails devised by Miss Smith-Rhodes teach lessons. For the overconfident,Nature bites back.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 45,745 - Reviews: 43 - Updated: 10-16-09 - Published: 8-20-0950. Moving Pictures Part Two The Sequel » reviewsThey're back! And they're annoyed! One of my first attempts at Fanfic, republished from the L-Space WebDiscworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 27,632 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 10-6-09 - Published: 10-5-0951. The Military Tattoo reviewsA very quick ficlet. Just a passing idea I had about the modern military set-up in Ankh-Morpork.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 947 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 8-28-09 - Complete52. And now for something completely different reviewsTroll crime-lord Chrysophrase has a problem. He has inadvertently taken a heavy dose of Slab. His trip takes him to a crazy place where Ethel the Frog leaps and reports investigatively and other crazy things happen. Monty Python flies over the Discworld.Crossover - Discworld & British Comedy - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,940 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8-4-09 - Complete53. Clay of My Clay The Dorfl Truth reviewsThis never happened. It depends on a differnt person being there at the end of "feet of Clay". But he wasn't. So it's a horrible little fantasy from my horrible little mind. It's about sex. Not just gender. A different sort of sex. Read on.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,296 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 7-28-09 - Complete54. Father Ted and the Army Chaplain » reviewsBishop Brennan has hatched another diabolical plot to make life difficult on Craggy Island. A fourth misfit priest is on his way to join the lads - and this one doesn't just believe in muscular Christianity. He wants it armed to the teeth. Many "feck"s.Father Ted - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,566 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 7-15-09 - Published: 7-7-0955. The Lancre Caper, or The Perils of OverConfidence » reviewsIn which Assassins' School teacher Alice Band talks to her class on the dangers to the Assassin of over-confidence. In her case, practicing archaeology in Lancre.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,296 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 7-3-09 - Published: 4-20-09 - Complete56. White Rabbit reviewsA spin-off out of "Graduation Class". Inspired by TheLightsAreOnButNobody'sHome, who has done sterling work in matching song lyrics to Discworld characters. It's inspired me. This is my take on it.Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,719 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 6-26-09 - Complete57. Fishing in the Streams of Time reviewsA "missing chapter" from "Thief of Time". Slot it in where your temporal judgement considers it should go. Starring Newgate "Lobsang" Ludd and Marco Soto. One sexual reference.Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,671 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6-26-0958. but not forgotten reviewsA spin-off from "Doppelgangers". Lord Downey has a problem with a technically-minded Assassin. Something thought dead is stirring again...Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,199 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 6-19-09 - Complete59. The importance of index cards reviewsFollowing a magical accident at the Library, Sergeant A.E. Pessimal of the Watch is sent to where nobody has ever returned alive. Can Pessimal become the first to return from the grip of a denizen of the Dungeon Dimensions? Apologies to H.P. Lovecraft...Discworld - Rated: K - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,035 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 6-14-09 - Complete60. Conina's Barbarian Hairdressers reviewsIn which Conina and Nijel, from Sourcery, have settled down to run a beauty salon for Ankh-Morpork's working girls. I plan to use Conina's as the starting-point for meetings and adventures. Prev. pub. @ livejournal.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,144 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 6-1-0961. The SecondGreatest Thrill » reviewsIn which stealth archaeologist and ethical assassin Alice Band runs up against an occupational hazard - at least, for Alice - of being a teacher at the Assassins' Guild. A taster for what will be a longer Discworld love story.Discworld - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 14,899 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 5-30-09 - Published: 4-13-0962. Dennis, meet Dennis reviewsThere is a whole world between Wichita, Kansas, and Dundee, Scotland. ONly in comics are the walls of reality so thin as to allow people to cross in either direction...Dennis the Menace - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,012 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 5-20-09 - Complete63. Intimate observations on the sex life of trolls reviewsAdvisory: 18 Possibly more suited for a slashfic site, an attempt to explain where pebbles come from. Depending on where my sleazy horrible little mind leads me, definite adults-only Discworld? There may be more extracts from de Meserole's seminal work .Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,897 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 5-13-09 - Complete64. The Healing Arts reviewsOn the Pellenor Fields, a vampire is near death. On the Discworld, a vampire deprived of her coffee fix is having "flashsides". the Last Detail's medic, Igorina, gets caught betwen two vampires. LOTR meets Pratchett's Discworld. Monstrouous RegimentCrossover - Discworld & Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,545 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 5-10-09 - Aragorn - Complete65. Doppelgangers » reviewsThe Roundworld project is glitching again. Rincewind is a happy man. Elsewhere in the Multiverse, a nuclear physicist and reactor troubleshooter is having bad dreams. What happens when the two of them meet - again? Crosses eventually with "Good Omens".Crossover - Discworld & Good Omens - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 24,718 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 5-3-09 - Published: 4-26-09 - Complete66. Choosing a school reviewsPreviously published at livejournal. Sooner or later every parent has to do it. EVERY parent. Where will this unique Discworld family send their sons to be educated? These parents have no doubts about the regime at Hugglestones.Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,675 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 4-30-09 - Complete67. Happy Birthday reviewswell, Terry Pratchett started it... when a character suspiciously like Gollum slithered into a cameo role in "Witches Abroad". And after meeting Discworld witches, probably wishes he hadn't. Gollum's further adventures on the Discworld.Crossover - Discworld & Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 249 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 4-30-09 - Gollum68. The Fog of Command reviewsA spin-off from a longer adventure, to be published. Discworld-satire, based in the days 100 or more years before the present, when Ankh-Morpork had an Army and an Empire. Featuring Sybil's illustrious ancestor.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 712 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4-26-09 - Complete69. The New Guild reviewsPreviously published at livejournal. In which Vetinari rules on an application to form a new Guild, strongly opposed by Rosie Palm.Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,704 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 4-24-09 - Complete70. A difference of philosophy reviewsStory based on the Biggles books of Captain W.E. Johns. Key book:- "Biggles:Pioneer Air Fighter". This is a crossover with Derek Robinson's acerbic and black comedies of WW1 air combat "Hornet's Sting" and "Goshawk Squadron". But no Robinson category?Biggles series - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,883 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4-22-0971. Amateur Night reviewsIn which the girls of the Watch go out on the town with friends and a very special guest and make some noise. In the Blue Cat Club, someone long missed returns to Ankh-Morpork, helped by two disreputable Gods. An unforgettable girls' night out.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,853 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 4-21-09 - Complete72. The Viennese Job reviewsIt's the early twentieth century. Europe has had its longest sustained period of peace and prosperity and war is a thing of the past. In the summer of 1908, in the luxury of Imperial Austria, what stormclouds could possibly arise to blight Europe?Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17,093 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 4-15-09 - A. Crowley & Aziraphale73. If the Hat Fits reviewsTying up almost all the loose threads left after "Sourcery". This isn't a cross-over as such, but it's certainly a homage, to Mary Gentle's novel of alternate pasts, "Ash".Discworld - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,023 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 4-11-09 - Complete74. How André Got His Badge Back reviewsSybil and Sam are taking the long way home after the coronation of the Low King. Eschewing Escrow - too many vampires - they arrive in Lancre. Sybil turns detective - she caught it from Sam - and resolves the last puzzles of a Night at the Opera.Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,756 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 4-11-09 - Complete
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