Hi guys I'm Jacinta and I'm 13 years old. I live on the gold coast and am currently in grade 8. I love reading and fanfiction is one of my favorite sites.

I am obsessed with Twilight and have read the series 13 times and counting.

my BFF Michaela and me, have a personal joke were she is everyones favorite match making and shopping obsessed pixie Alice Cullen. And I'm her book loving clumsy best friend, who she always try's to take shopping Bella Swan. where two tanned blond surfer girls, i'm a pure bread aussie, mikers is a South African sufer girl, and together we rock this world!

We're the girls that go to the school dances, or games and when we do we sit in the front row just so everyone can see us. We're attached at the hip to a point where people ask if we're sisters. One would rather we standing yelling at the boys on field while the other has no idea why we're out in the middle of winter freezing our butts off in so called fashionable jeans and singlets when everyone else is in ski jackets. We're the girls that argue over going to a party filled with guys or to the new movie that just came out and end up splashing through the puddles on the street because we got bored with fighting. We're the girls that would never ditch each other for a guy. That steal the center of attention from the bimbo who thought she was running the show. We're the girls that end up doing our homework even though one of us would rather be reading and the other would like to be dancing on tables but have enough sense to know it won't get them where they want to be so they compromise. We're the girls that people say that’s who I want to be. We may have to compromise but we never compromise our personality and that why we're the yin and yang of best friends.

Was that an earthquake? or did we just rock this world!!

hope u enjoy.

see something u like?
feel free 2 copy and paste 2 your website

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about Justice
"When you have kids i hope they turn out just like you"

30 Good Reasons why GIRLS are always the BEST

1. We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. Its possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We have ways of getting what we want easily.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. If we act like a guy, we're called tough. But if a guy acts like a girl... well... who's the weakling now?

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We have style.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. There's the saying "Ladies first."

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Just start them)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "Just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(Just leave ‘em in the middle)

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her

When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you
Grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you
she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
don't look away until she does

When she misses you
she's hurting inside

When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away

When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers

When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -

Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.-

When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-

Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-

Tease her and let her tease you back.-

Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-

Give her the world.-

Let her wear your clothes.-

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-

Let her know she's important.-

Kiss her in the pouring rain.-

When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

13 things PMS Stands for:

13. Pass My Shotgun
12. Psychotic Mood Swing
11. Perpetual Munching Spree
10. Puffy Mid-Section
9. People Make me Sick
8. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
6. Pimples May Surface
5. Pass My Sweats
4. Pissy Mood Syndrome
3. Poor Men Suck
2. Pack My Stuff
1. Potential Murder Suspect

Interesting and insane laws:

Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a 500 dollar fine. (Hmm... I'm not that sure all of the suicide terrorists will be scared off by that.)

It is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants. (What... the...)

It is illegal to allow a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. (Whoever passed this law was obviously half-asleep.)

It is illegal to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight. (Lol...)

It is illegal to carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. (Oh great. Looks like we'll have to wait an extra hour to have lunch then.)

It is illegal to drive a motor vehicle on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (In that case most of the world should be locked up in prison.)

It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. (I'm sure we'll all be thinking of our stomachs when the building's on fire.)

It is illegal to purchase an alcoholic beverage after midnight on Sunday, yet one may do so on Monday. (Makes sense if you think about it, but on first impression...)

It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. (This might be better off in the "Only in America" section.)

It is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (A pity. That's a novelty I'd pay money to see.)

It is illegal to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Strange, but not illogical until you take into account that there is no coastline at all in the state in which this is a law...)

It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. (AHH! HELP! FIRE!)

The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (Whoever came up with this? We should give him a Nobel Prize for such a masterful logical conclusion.)

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Boy: baby we need to talk

Girl: kyle, what do u mean?

Boy: sumthin has come up...

Girl: wat? Wuts wrong? Is it bad?

Boy: i dont want to hurt u baby

Girl: -thinks- omg i hope he doesnt break up with me... I love him so much

Boy: baby are you there??

Girl: yea im here wut is so important??

Boy: im not sure if i should say

Girl: well u already brought it up, so please just tell me.

Boy: im leaving...

Girl: baby wut are u talking about?? I dont want u to leave me, i love you

Boy: not like that, i mean im moving far away

Girl: why? All of ur famliy lives over here.

Boy: well my father is sending me away to a boarding skool far away.

Girl: i cant believe this.

FATHER: (picks up tha other fone, interrupts & yells furiously) ERIKA, wat did i tell you about talking to boys?!...Get off the damn fone!! (And hangs up)

Boy: wow ur father sounds really mad

Girl: u know how he gets, but anywayz i dont want you to go

Boy: would you run away with me?

Girl: baby, u know i would, i would do anything for u, but i cant... U dont know wut would happen if i did. My dad would kill me !!

Boy: sad its ok i understand i guess..

Girl: thinking i cant believe wuts going on

Boy: i need to give u sumthing 2nite b/c i am leaving on flight 1-80 in tha morning, so i need to see you now.

Girl: ok i will sneak out & meet u at tha park

Boy: ok ill meet u there in 20min

They meet at a nearby park, they both hug eachother. And he gives her a note.

Boy: here u go, this is for you i gotta go.

Girl: tear (begins to cry)

Boy: baby dont cry, u know i love you...but i have 2 go

Girl: ok (begins to walk away)

They both go back home. And erika begins to read tha letter he gave her

It says...

Erika,

U probably already know that im leaving, i knew this would be better if i wrote a letter explaining tha truth about how much i care about you. The truth is, is that i never loved you, i hated you so much, u are my bitch and dont u ever forget that. I never cared about you, and never wanted to talk to you, n be around u. U really have no clue how much i hate you. Now that im leaving i thought u should know that i hate you bitch, u never did tha right thing, and u were never there. I didnt think i could hate someone as much as i hate you. And i never want to see you, for the rest of my life, i will never miss kissing you like before, i never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and thats a promise. U never had my love, and i want you to remember that. Bitch u keep this letter bcuz this may be tha last thing u have from me. I hate you so much. i will not talk to you soon bitch... Goodbye
- Kyle

erika begins to cry, she throws tha paper in tha garbage & crys for hours

...A day passes, she is sad, depressed and she feels so lonely... Then she gets a fone call...

Friend: how are u feeling?

Girl: i just cant believe this happend i thought he loved me.

Friend: o, about that. Kyle left me a msg. A few days ago. He told me to tell u to look in ur jacket pocket or something...

Girl: ummm ok

She finds a piece of paper in tha jacket, It says...

Baby i hope u find this before u read my letter. I knew ur dad might read it, so i switched a few words...

Hate = Love

Never = Alwayz

Bitch = Baby

Will not= will

... I hope u didnt take that seriously because i love you with all my heart, and it was so hard to let you go thats y i wanted u to run away with me...

-Kyle

Girl: omg its a letter, Kyle does love me!!, he must of slipped it into my pocket when he hugged me. I cant believe how stupid I am!!

Friend: lol ok but i g2g... Call me later

Girl: -happy- ok bye, i'll be at home waiting for my baby to call me !!

... Erika turns the T.V. on...

Breaking news 'An airplane has crashed. Over 47 young boys died, we are still searching for Survivors...This is a tragedy we will never forget, this plane was flight 1-80...it was on its way to an all boys boarding school...' Reporter says.

she turns off the tv...3 days later, she kills herself, because of tha fact that Kyle was dead & she had nothing to Live for...

...A day after that the fone rings. Nobody answers. It was Kyle, he called to leave a msg. 'Its Kyle, i guess ur not home so, I called 2 let u know that im alive, i missed my flight b/c i had 2 see u one last time. So i hope ur not worried. I am staying for good. Sorry if u got scared, i promise 2 make it up 2 u everything will be a be ok i love you so much...call me asap bye!

Guy: "Can we have sex right now? u want to?." 


Girl: "Can we do what?" 


Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?" 


Girl: "Um...no." 


Guy: "Why?" 


Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend..." 


Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won't tell." 


Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first." 


Guy: "I'm not special to you?" 


Girl: "You're my friend. That's all." 

Guy: looks forward and keeps driving.

5 minutes pass...

Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh. 


Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me.". 


Guy: tries to kiss her. 


Girl: screams, "Would you stop." 


Guy: continues trying. 


Girl: moves to the back seat 




Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her. 


Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this." 


Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants. 


Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't." 


Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get". 

Girl: crying, continues to fight. 


Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down. 


Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!" 


Guy: puts his hand over her mouth. 






An hour passes... 



Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off. 


Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, crying. 


Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek. 


Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home, now." 


Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.

2 months later...

Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months." 


Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason." 


Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive. 


Doctor: "You are pregnant." 


Girl: faints. 





The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you." 



The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant...then he lied about it. So completely depressed...the girl commits suicide by drug overdose...

Girls, if this story touched you, repost it as "No means no asshole" 




Guys, if this story pisses you off, repost it as "I'll kill any fucker who does this to my girl or any girl" 



Well the way I see it if you open and read this and DON"T REPOST this you must be for rape?? 
Enough said

FEMALE COMEBACKS!!

pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost
this...
If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity.

domnt worry it doesnt work but repost anyway it funny

Quotes ‘n’ Stuff

Let's play truth or dare! Or maybe just dare, because nobody seems to tell the truth anymore.

If you can't convince them, confuse them. (Smiles evilly)

After all is said and done a hell of a lot more is said than done. (Blabber mouths…)

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. (It’s their fault in the first place.)

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher. (I bet on it!)

I never pirated it...it was donated. By the file fairy. I put a blank CD under my pillow at night... and voila! (She also did this for all my other pirated CD’s. I’m innocent!)

When I hear somebody say "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?" (Death?)

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. (Now this is very trueevil laughter)

Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it takes only three to stick up your middle finger and say, "Bite me!" (What if they actually do? Hmm… You use more muscles to scream bloody murder of course.)

A wise man once said, “I don't know, go ask the women!" (Yes, you have to admit women are better. Very smart of him. I’ll go give him a cookie.)

Men are like slinkies. They bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. (Boing… boing… boing… SPLAT!)

My imaginary friend thinks you have a very serious problem... (We both agree on it.)

There is nothing more depressing than a hollow chocolate bunny. (Where’s all the chocolate?! I spent all those money on… nothing!?)

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. (People and their long memory… tsk tsk tsk.)

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. (Hours later…)

If all else fails, read the instructions. (Oh… So that’s how you do it! Stupid me…)

Someday we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. (Nothing… It was nothing…)

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. (Ha! I hit it again! I RULE! YEAH!)

When life gives you lemons throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes. (Take that! I hope you go blind!)

You can't have any of my nothing! (It’s mine!!)

When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. (Catchy…)

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn’t take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face. (…)

If every cloud has a silver lining, then hundreds of people have been struck by lightning looking for it. (Ooh! Where’s the silver- AAH! I JUST GOT STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!! Oh yeah, real smooth.)

The harder you try, the dumber you look.

If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you’re not alone. And yet, you are alone. So very alone... (Hello… lo… lo… lo… echo… echo…)

Give credit when desired. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE its weird. (May the better you win.)

Smile at people you don’t like, it makes them wonder what you did... (Mwahaha)

Life was so simple when boys had cooties! (Yup, sure was.)

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. (And they sure wish they could, too.)

I'm not random; I just have many tho- OOH A SQUIRREL! (??)

Elmo knows where you live! (Eek! He’s a stalker!)

There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... (Yum. A team could eat a meat pie together… But then I can just eat it all by myself. Why bother sharing?)

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil. (Loser.)

An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. (Unless it’s Carlisle. Who would want to hit him?? A psycho, maybe.)

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. (Now who stole my floor?!)

BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom. (And failing, if I may add.)

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS. (Yum. barf)

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. (And break some bones in the progress…)

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. (I agree.)

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. (Take that, lousy piece of junk!)

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. (YOU’RE EXPELLED!!)

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (Temptation… hmm… Oh right! I need to take a left in Robbingsville… then a right… At last! Temptation, come to mama!)

Hand over the chocolate or I will sing. (glass shatters)

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. (CRASH!)

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. (Beep beep!)

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. (No one’s looking… okay, now’s a good time to spill my Coke.)

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? (Yeah! I second that!)

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth. (You should be thanking me for my generosity instead!)

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. (Hmph.)

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff… (I dare you follow me…)

I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me? (Yeah right! I challenge him this instant!)

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!

Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Person #3: We could try to mutate it, make it a square!

Person #4: Or we could just transfer to another planet!

Person #5: Just shut up. People like you are the reason why we don’t get any happiness.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. (Floor: You bet I do… Your feet stink.)

Go hug a cactus!

It's all fun and games until the flying monkeys attack. (Eek! It just stole my banana!)

Don't worry. When you have kids of your own, you forgive your parents. (It’s our turn to suffer…)

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more. (What the hell? Something’s up…)

All girls listen up! Remember the seven B’s: Books Before Boys Because Boys Bring Babies… Or, if you want, it could go: Boys Before Books Because Books Bring Boredom. It’s your pick.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. (Groan)

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that. (Those darn souls! grumble)

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? (Me. Yes, I only trust me, which is why I’ talking to myself.)

You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, loser! (Evil laughter)

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. (Right? Right?)

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y". (Translation: every day… Don’t you dare piss me off.)

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. (Alas, I was unsuccessful. Now my feet hurt.)

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. (Yep.)

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. (Thanks a lot for accepting that!)

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. (do re mi fa so la ti do!! lifeboat explodes)

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. (That’s what you call word power!)

If you get scared at a movie, just throw candy at the people sitting in front of you. (That way, they’ll get mad at you, and you’ll have another thing to be scared of.)

When someone says to try to take a walk in their shoes, just roll your eyes and say their shoes are too small. (I truly do have big feet. _)

Yeah! I love wearing straight jackets, too! I get to hug myself!

Perfection is a waste of time.

Practice makes perfect. But then, nobody is perfect, so why bother practicing?

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. (How could parents let their children watch a show starring a murderer?)

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women. (Yeah!)

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over. (That’s how demonic I am. Mwahahaha.)

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is a human's way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

I hear your silence loud and clear. (crickets chirping)

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them. (Then be killed yourself.)

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. (Weird...)

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these men? (Dear murderer, please don’t kill me. Sincerely, me. That’s stupid.)

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. (One… Two… Three… Fo- !#)

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. (YES! They so are.)

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Yay! Now that is a cooler form of exercise!)

People who act friendly have an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination. (Raise your hand if this applies to you. raises hand)

If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese? (Good question.)

When two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? (Another good question.)

All I want is a gorgeous, immortal, cold, silver Volvo owner that sparkles in the sunlight and bites me...is that too much to ask for? (Apparently so. Hmph.)

Blondes may have more fun, but Edward prefers brunettes! Ha! Go brunettes! (Go me!)

I have been diagnosed with OCD: Obsessive Cullen Disorder.

Like you don't gasp every time you see a silver Volvo.

Every time a guy ignores me, I know it's just because he's a vampire in love with me, and he is too polite to drink my blood.

YOU REALLY KNOW YOU'VE REACHED THE POINT OF NO RETURN, AND ARE TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH TWILIGHT, WHEN YOU WATCH WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, JUST IN CASE SOMEONE CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS.

When life gives you lemons, go to the store and demand a refund for those lemons. Then, rub your money in life's face!

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

Directions to Llama-land:
Left at the rainbow, Right at the unicorn. And if you've passed the penguin, you've gone too far. (But I’ve reached the dragon, who is currently breathing fire into me. Help.)

FRIENDS AND BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "That was fun lets do it again!!"

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high-school /college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost.
BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down.
BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because she tripped me.

FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with me.

FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops.
BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they’re after me in the first place.

FRIENDS: Lets me make an idiot of myself in public.
BEST FRIENDS: Are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too.

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,

Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,

Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,

Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,

Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,

Calling me FAT wont make you SKINNY,

Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,

So why bother?

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top

Do it one by one, don't look ahead!

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.

2.Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, or yellow?

3. Your first initial?

4. Your month of birth?

5. Which color do you like more, black or white?

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

7. Your favorite number?

8. Do you like California or Florida more?

9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

Are you done?

If so scroll down

(don't cheat- -)

THE ANSWERS

1. You are completly in love with this person

2. If you choose

Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black: You are conservitive and agressive.

Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue: You are spontaneous and and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.

Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

3. If your initial is:

A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is is soon to blossom.

S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. If you were born in:

Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relashonship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experiance a major life changing experiance for the good.

Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate.

5. If you choose...

Black: Your life will take on in a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides with you and would do anything for you, but may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you will have in a lifetime.

8. If you choose

California: You like adventure.

Florida: You are a laidback person.

9. If you choose...

Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come before your next birthday

QUOTES TO LIVE BY

1.) Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

2.) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

3.) When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE.

4.) Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler

5.) Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

6.) Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?

7.) If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?

8.) "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

9.) "Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

10.) “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown

11.) “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.” – Unknown

12.) “He who laughs last didn't get it.” – Unknown

13.) Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.

14.) Oh god! They took my freaking kidney!

15.) When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

16.) I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

17.) There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

18.) Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head

19.) "Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

20.) Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

21.) Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

22.) You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

23.) They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly i think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," i don't think many people would be dead...

24.) I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

25.) Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public

26.) Guns don't kill people. I do.

27.) A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

28.) He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

29.) My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.

30.) flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

31.) Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

32.) The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

33.) The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

34.) Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.

35.) You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

36.) I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet

37.) I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

38.) I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

39.) Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

40.) Did you just call me a bch? Because a bch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

41.) So, you're a cannibal.

42.) Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

43.) AV is Addicted to Vampires

44.) There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.

45.) 'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

46.) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

47.) Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!

48.) I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow

49.) Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again

50.) To put it nicely, I hope you choke

51.) It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

52.) I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

53.) If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

54.) The evil gnomes poked me in the bum wit a stick.

55.) Would you like a cookie? So would I.

56.) You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

57.) Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.

58.) A day without sunshine is like... night.

59.) A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!

60.) Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot

61.) Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

62.) Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

63.) I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

64.) I do what cheerios tell me.

65.) I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.

66.) I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! (haha just like Edward Cullen!! )

67.) I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in back round: Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me: That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that...

68.) If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.

69.) My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...

70.) Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.

71.) Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous.

72.) Okay...so there's this thing called retarded-ness and me and my freinds, well...We've gone pro.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.

I am the girl that people look through when I say something.

I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.

I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face.

I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone.

I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year.

I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things.

Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15,Marigold Winters, SparklingTopazEyes, FairyNinjaPrincess, MyImmortal01, Twilightxfanatic21, Twilightloverforeverandever, VampireChic666, NOT.ALL.BLONDS.R.DUM.

LINKS:

Chapter 23:

Bella's dress: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=MK75466M (imagine blue)
Bella's shoes: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=SKY

Michaela's dress: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=D4064A
Michaela's shoes: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=AS023

Alice's dress: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=FL6604
Alice's shoes: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=AS6213

Rose's dress: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=B53061
Rose's shoes: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=AS7011 (the gold)

Victoria's dress: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=B11814 (imagine red)
Victoria's shoes: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=AS7011

Jacinta's dress: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=TBX2875
Jacinta's shoes: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=AS064

Sophie's dress: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=B101110

Clara's dress: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=TBE2856

Chapter 27:

Bella's top: http://shop.dereon.com/nshop/product.php?dept=Women&category=&view=detail&productid=DE-B9-1209&startColor=&groupName=tops&page=viewall
Bella's pants: http://shop.dereon.com/nshop/product.php?dept=Women&category=&view=detail&productid=DE-B9-2412&startColor=&groupName=Jeans&page=viewall

Victoria's top: http://shop.dereon.com/nshop/product.php?dept=Women&category=&view=detail&productid=DE-C8-3205&startColor=&groupName=tops&page=viewall
Victoria's pants: http://shop.dereon.com/nshop/product.php?dept=Women&category=&view=detail&productid=DE-JJ-5000&startColor=&groupName=Jeans&page=

Rose's top: http://shop.dereon.com/nshop/product.php?dept=Women&category=&view=detail&productid=DE-D8-3107&startColor=&groupName=tops&page=viewall
Rose's pants: http://shop.dereon.com/nshop/product.php?dept=Women&category=&view=detail&productid=DE-B9-1413&startColor=&groupName=Jeans&page=

Alice: http://shop.dereon.com/nshop/product.php?dept=Women&category=&view=detail&productid=DE-B9-1601&startColor=&groupName=DressesJumpsuits&page=viewall

the girls: http://www.lamonir.com/view.asp?id=B11815