Name: Rae

Age: your face

Motto: Live life and be happy. And if you can't, blame butts.

"I will watch him be man-f*cked if it kills me!"-Me on the phone with Anthony G. while looking for a slash-fic on Inuyasha.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder why the hell you did it.

Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over because if it wasn't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it gets weird.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then The Voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? (You've learned!!!!!!!!)

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional, just like Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional

Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if its your last day

16 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when someone comes up yell, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

16. Play hide and seek with your friends while looking for hot guys and counting how many old ladies in fugly hats there are. (This is what we did when Gabe and his boyfriend and I went to the mall, but someday I'd like to try it in Walmart...)

"I'm bringing sexy back..."frankly, I never even knew sexy was GONE!

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened...yesterday.

Last night, I was lying on my bed, staring up at the stars and wondering 'Where the heck is my roof?'

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it. (I do this so often it's not even funny.)

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes. I also apologize when I enter a room, though, so maybe I just like apologizing or think society deserves an apology for my existence.

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map, and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh then trip me again.

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Freind: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: sits there with you in the cell and says "Damn, that was fun!"

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friend: Calls my parents Mr. or Mrs.

Best Friend: Calls them mom and dad

Friend: Will comfort me when I get rejected

Best Friend: Will go right up to the guy and say "It's because your gay, isn't it!?"

Friend:Tells me that I will get through the long haul of homework soon

Best friend: Comes to my house without asking and helps me with my progect.

FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"

2) When the elevator doors shut, assuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"

3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.

5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

11) Meow occasionally.

12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"

24) Make out vocally with your SO every time a business man gets on.

25) Every time an elderly couple gets on (or an arguing couple of any age) sigh happily and say, "Ah, young love."

The Greatest Friendship Poem Ever

True Friendship - None of that Sissy Crap…

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces- Just the stone cold truth of great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must become involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever the hell you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'..

Friendship is like peeing your pants,
everyone can see it,
But only you can feel the true warmth..
Copy Past this into an email and send it to ten friends. Then get depressed because you can only think of four.

1) Are you in a relationship with somebody?

No.

2) Do you hate more than 3 people?

Hate is easy, love takes courage.

3) How many houses have you lived in?

Lucky number thirteen...I think

4) Favorite candy bar?

White Chocolate Kinder Buenos

5) Favorite shoes?

Doc Martins

6) Have you ever tripped someone?

Yeaaaaaap. Usually it's an accident. I try not to be malicious.

7) Least favorite school subject?

I like school, actually. Health, I guess. I like PE, and Health takes time out of PE

9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD?

Not in a long time. Last one I owned had Oops I Did It Again and Dear Diary on it.

10) Have you ever thrown up in public?

Yep. I was a kid in Disneyland with the stomach flu.

11) Name one thing that is always on your mind.

Can't wait to move back to CA.

12) Favorite genre of music?

Rock

13) What is your zodiac sign?

Capricorn

14) What time were you born?

11:09 pm

15) Do you like beer?

The best alcohol there is! :D (I'm Irish, I have to say that.)

16) Ever made a prank phone call?

Yep.

17) What is the most embarrassing thing on your iPod?

"I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan.

18) Are you sarcastic?

Fluently.

19) What are your favorite colors?

The colors of the Pacific Ocean from up on the cliffs of the PCH. The colors in the sunset by my house. Barney Purple.

20) How many watches do you own?

Two that work. A questionable amount of others.

21) Summer, Fall, Spring, or winter:

Fall

23) Favorite outfit?

Don't have one.

24) Coke or Dr. Pepper?

Diet Coke

26) Where is your second home?

Back home in California, I have a few there.

27) Have you ever slapped someone?

I've decked them. No real bitch slaps, though. Unless you count tantruming little cousin, and I smacked him, it wasn't even a full slap. I don't think it even made a real sound. Just a tap.

28) Have you ever had a cavity?

Si.

29) How many lamps are in your bedroom?

One

30) How many video games do you own?

I'm not getting up, digging through our entertainment center, storage boxes, my dad's boxes, the office, and my bedroom to count, considering my dad collects old gaming systems.

31) What was your first pet?

Hmmm...I guess my great grandparents' dog, when I was born? Or maybe my grandma's dog? Not really sure...the first pet that was just mine: 12 goldfish. My dad killed all of them by accident. I was four.

32) Who was the last person that made you mad?

I hate everyone. (Kidding, but I'm actually not sure.)

33) Who was the last person that made you cry?

The people in my group for the class trip to Europe.

34) Who was the last person that made you laugh?

My grandmother

35) Who was the last person that you fell for?

It's a long story.

36) Who was the last person that instant messaged you?

Christian, I think.

37) Who was the last person that called you?

My grandmother, to see if the new part for our pipes came in yet.

38) Do looks matter?

Honestly, I'd like to say no, but...yeah, the truth is, they do. You can have a kick ass personality, but the truth is, good looking people get an unfair advantage sometimes. But then, so do average people, in other circumstances. Look can also put you in situations you don't want to be in. Trust me.

39) Name 3 teachers from your High School.

Um I barely know my class schedule.

40) American Eagle or Abercombie?

American Eagle if I have to choose one, but I really like stores like The Electric Chair and other punk/rockabilly stores.

41) Are you too forgiving?

Yes.

42) How many children do you want?

I don't know.

43) Do you own something from Hot Topic?

Many things. My favorite is either my David Bowie t-shirt, my Death the Kid t-shirt, or my corset, but my most used item is my belt.

44) Ever been in love?

Absolutely.

45) When was the last time you cried?

A while ago.

46) What did you do 3 nights ago?

Sleep? Read, maybe?

47) Olive Garden? Macaroni Grill?

Uh...Macaroni Grill. They give good service!

48) Have you ever called your teacher mommy?

All the time! I call my old english teacher 'school side mom' and my yoga teacher is my mother!

49) Have you ever been in a castle?

Couple of times.

50) Nicknames?

Rae, Rache, Rayla, Raylan, Dory, Wifey (hmmm...not anymore without Emma, I guess.) Sunshine, Bear, Baby Bear, Cupcake, Sweetheart, Honey, Angel, Angel Face, Sexy, Bitch, Whore(just for Anthony!) Secretary, Librarian, Sweetie, Sis, and now apparently I'm "babe" or "baby" to Christian...which is new.

51) Do you know anyone named Bertha?

Nope.

52) Ever been to New York City?

Once.

53) Do you own something from Banana Republic?

Nope.

54) Are you thinking about somebody right now?

I wasn't until you asked me that.

55) Have you ever called someone Boo?

Yeah, it was a friend of mine's nickname a while back.

56) Do you own a diamond ring?

I own a diamond necklace...

57) Are you happy with your life right now?

Happiness is something I work for every day. Just like everyone else.

58) Do you dye your hair?

What's my natural hair color again?

59) Does anyone like you?

Yes and I pretend I don't know, for my own sanity's sake.

60) What year were you born?

God, first my teachers and now a year? WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER!?

61) What were you doing in May of 1994?

I don't recall.

62) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?

No.

63) McDonalds or Wendys?

Is Carls Jr. an option?

63) Do you like yourself?

Yep.

64) Are you closer to your mother or father?

I'm a total Daddy's Girl.

65) Favorite feature of the preferred sex?

Eyes are the windows to the soul. I don't care about the color, but if there's no soul behind the eyes...sorry, that's mad creepy.

66) Are you afraid of the dark?

The dark itself is not to be feared, nor is Darkness. You must accept and respect that Darkness is there for balance with Light, and there is no unity in the universe without it. (So, basically, no, not really.)

67) Have you ever eaten paste?

No

68) Do you own a webcam?

Yes

69) Have you ever stripped?

Uh...I do it every time I change my clothes, technically. Now if you meant strip tease, you should have said that, and my answer would be different.

70) Ever broke a bone?

Nose. And no, I did not cry.

71) Pringles or Lays?

Lays

72) Have you ever broken someone's heart?

Yes. And I'm sorry.

73) Rugrats or Doug?

Rugrats

74) Full House or The Brady Bunch?

Full House

75) Did you like your high school guidance counselor?

Yeah, she's okay. Kind of annoying.

76) Has anyone ever called you fat?

Yep.

77) Do you have a birth mark?

Yeah.

78) Can you cook?

Very well, apparently. Though I don't look like I know how to cook, according to most people. (I'm very upset about this.)

79) 3 things that annoy you:

1.

People who can't take a hint

2.

People who think they're better than me or try to rule any authority they have over me

3.

People who think that it's okay to be douche bags.

Actually, just people in general annoy me. Very few don't.

80) Do you text message often?

Totally.

81) Money or love?

Love.

82) Do you have any scars?

Quite a few. Some physical, some emotional.

83) What do you want more than anything right now?

To move back to CA.

84) Do you enjoy scary movies?

Some

85) Relationships or one night stands?

Depends on the person and situation.

86) Big Red or Juicy Fruit?

Juicy fruit.

87) Do you enjoy greasy food?

Not really. I don't eat it, so when I do it makes me sick.

88) Have you seen all the Rocky movies?

I am ashamed to admit that I have not.

89) Do you own a box of crayons?

Yes, but I really need a new one.

90) Who was the last person that said they loved you?

My grandmother (by now you've probably guessed we live in the same house.)

91) Favorite breakfast meal?

I like muffins a lot.

92) Do you own a gun?

Paintball

93) Have you ever had braces?

Nope

94) What color is your cell phone?

Black

95) Top five names for your sons?

1.

Soul Matthew

2.

Conner Maxwell

3.

Damien Matthew

4.

Derek Brenton

5.

Nicholas Preston

96) Top five names for your daughters?

1.

Delilah Jane

2.

Adrian McKenna

3.

Delilah Hope

4.

Alexia Nicole

5.

Raylan Artemis

97) Person you would die for(out of family)?

There are a couple.

98) Are you religious?

I think it's really more spiritual than religious...Wicca is pretty eclectic...but it's still technically a religion, so yes, I'm religious.

99) Best kiss you ever had?

Sean. Last summer. My driveway.

100) Favorite saying?

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game OR A little madness, a litle kindness, makes for happiness.