WARNING!!!: This profile page is extremely extensive, and mostly just a whole bunch of quotes. It is recommended that you read them, as they really are quite funny, but if you don't have the time, please feel free to click the "Hide Bio" button in the top right-hand corner, or just scroll past them all. However, it is still requested that you make it to the very bottom, where there is a listing of stories that it is hoped you may find enjoyable. Thank you. =)

Age: 16

Gender: Female

About Me: I am...well, I'm me... Kidding. I'm sarcastic, and witty (Humor is my middle name... Well, actually, my middle name is a song that my dad really likes and I didn't learn how to spell until I was at least eight, but that's beside the point), and somewhat obsessed with quotes (hence my profile). I have so many books that the newer ones have been delegated to large, precarious stacks on my desk and nightstand because they don't fit on my bookshelves, an extreme love of music (actually, this would probably qualify as an obsession, but it seems like a relatively healthy one), and a far-off dream of someday being a writer that makes enough money on my work to actually live off it. I play the piano quite well, am mildly proficient with the recorder, and my sister taught me a few chords on the guitar that I can't always remember. I'm very interested in the Italian language, but seem to lack the drive to properly learn it. I continually tell myself that I will start keeping up with studying it, but apparently Jedi mind tricks don't work when used on yourself. If you have any other random questions about me, feel free to PM me, and I will most likely reply in lengthy, overly-detailed, opinionated rants... And on this one, I'm only kind of kidding. You've been warned.

Location: Vermont

Education: Homeschooled, which is completely awesome.

Hobbies: Reading, writing, listening to music, playing the piano, role playing, obsessing about whatever it is I'm currently obsessed with [Current Addiction: Doctor Who. Eeeeeee!]

Music: Disturbed, Breaking Benjamin, Atreyu, Shinedown, Hammerfall, Evanescence, Hell Or Highwater, Sick Puppies, 3 Doors Down

Movies: Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Serenity, Flushed Away, Over the Hedge, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Princess Bride, Matrix, Star Trek (2010), Underworld, 2012, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, Better Off Dead, Say Anything, Tin Man, How To Train Your Dragon, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Iron Man (1&2), Hellboy (1&2), The Boondock Saints (1&2), Megamind, X-Men (all of them), [Syfy's] Alice

TV Series': Firefly, Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Vampire Diaries, The Big Bang Theory, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Gilmore Girls

Manga/Anime: InuYasha, Ranma 1/2, The Slayers, Ouran High School Host Club, Death Note

Favorite Ice Cream: Cookies and cream and/or Ben and Jerry's Half Baked

Favorite Beverage: Currently, I can't get over the amazingness of Cold Hollow Cider Mill's apple cider, but peach Snapple will always have a place in my heart

Favorite Animal: Wolf

Favorite Colors: Black and deep electric blue (also a deep red color, if it's the right shade)

Favorite Number: 47

Favorite Games I Don't Own: Mario Kart Wii, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, and I love the story of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Favorite Games I Do Own: Spyro: Year of the Dragon, Diablo II, The Sims 3, Wesnoth, Peggle, Bejeweled 3

Favorite Book: Runemarks by Joanne Harris/ The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke

Favorite Series: I really can't decide on one.

Other good books/series I've read (in no particular order):

The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare
Maximum Ride series by James Patterson
Dark Visions by L.J. Smith
The Vampire Diaries series by L.J. Smith
Forbidden Game by L.J. Smith
Night World series by L.J. Smith
Secret Circle series by L.J. Smith
Heist Society by Ally Carter
Gallagher Girls series by Ally Carter
Unwind by Neal Shusterman
Skinjackers series by Neal Shusterman
The Vampire Academy series by Richelle Mead
The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins
House of Night series by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast
Morganville Vampires series by Rachel Caine
Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
Midnighters series by Scott Westerfeld
Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld
The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch
The Host by Stephenie Meyer
Hush, Hush/Crescendo by Becca Fitzpatrick
When The Wind Blows/The Lake House by James Patterson
DragonLance series (generally only the ones by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman)
Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer
The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart
His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
The Wicked Years by Gregory Maguire
The Lord of the Rings J.R.R. Tolkien
Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
Soul Screamers series by Rachel Vincent
Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta
I Am The Messenger by Markus Zusak
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

Other Places I Occasionally Frequent

YouTube

FictionPress

NaNoWriMo

RuneScape (My display name is currently TheWordDeity)

The RuneScape Wikipedia

Blogspot

Favorite Quotes

"Shut up," said Maddy.
Loki shut up.
"Now listen, both of you."
Both of them listened.
~Runemarks

"Since my customary farewell would seem oddly self-serving, I will simply say, good luck."
~Spock the older in Star Trek, talking to Spock the younger

"I said no lies!
"I think he was telling the truth."
"If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us."
"Unless he knew that even if he told you the truth, you wouldn't believe him."
~Two guards and Captain Jack Sparrow in The Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

This little piggy went to Chaos, this little piggy stayed at home...
~Loki in Runemarks

"There's always a bigger fish."
~Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars; Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

"Aiee!"
"Argh! Will you stop caterwauling in my ear!"
"I'll caterwaul all I want! Aiee! Aiee! Aiee! Aiee!"
~Kagome and Koga in InuYasha: Volume 14

"You're mad!"
"Thank goodness for that, because if I wasn't, this would probably never work."
~Beckett and Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

"Advise your brethren. You can fight, and all of you will die, or you can not fight, in which case only most of you will die."
~Beckett in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

“It’s a key.”
“No, it is very much better than that. It is a drawing of a key.”
~A crew member of the Black Pearl and Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

"Whose boons? Your boons? Utterly deceptive twaddle-speak, says I."
~Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

"First, there's an old friend who wants to see you."
"I'm not sure I can survive any more visits with old friends."
~Captain Sao Feng and Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

"One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going. This girl... How far are you willing to go to save her?"
"I'd die for her."
"Oh, good. No worries then."
~Captain Jack Sparrow and Will Turner in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

“Thank you, Jack.”
“You’re welcome.”
“No, not you. We named the monkey Jack.”
~Captain Barbossa and Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

"Me, I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly stupid."
~Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

"Nobody move! I dropped me brain."
~Fishy Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

"We'll never survive."
"Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one has."
~Buttercup and Westley in The Princess Bride

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
~Frenchman in Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"You swear?"
"Every damn day."
~Evelyn and Rick O'Connell in The Mummy

"I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot. Who knew?"
~Sam in Transformers

"It's worse than you know."
"It usually is."
~Black Dude (did he even have a name?) and Malcolm Reynolds in Serenity

"You have acted in ways both willful and malicious-"
"Excuse me, did you just accuse me of being skillful and delicious?"
~Some Lady and Jack Frost in Santa Clause 3 (never seen the movie, but I love that quote!)

"Such a strategist was the king that he had a contingency plan for his contingency plan, and even, if circumstances required, a contingency plan for his contingency plan's contingency plan."
~Seeing Redd

"This kite looked lucky to me. It wasn't anything fancy, just an old-fashioned diamond with blue and yellow stripes. But it stuttered along in a friendly way, and when it dive-bombed, it seemed to do so from exhaustion as opposed to spite. Ornery kites dive-bomb out of spite. They never get exhausted because they won't stay up long enough to poop out. Thirty feet up they just sort of smirk at you and crash for the fun of it."
~Flipped

"Oh. I...I need to sit down."
"You are sitting down."
"Oh...good for me."
~Willow and Buffy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"I laugh in the face of danger...Then I hide until it goes away."
~Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Do they actually stick out?"
"What?"
"Sore thumbs. I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, 'Whoa, that baby's sore!'?"
~Willow and Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"I know who you are."
"Yeah, I know who I am, too. So what?"
~Ford and Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to."
~Gandalf in The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring [movie]

"How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're going to wake up in a coma."
~Cordelia in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"You won, all right? You came in, and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, 'I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it'."
~Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Hi. How've you been?"
"Rat. You?"
"Dead."
"Oh."
~Buffy and Amy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"You don't know what feelings are."
"I damn well do! I lie awake every night."
"You sleep during the day."
"Yeah, but- You're missing the point."
~Buffy and Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"I'm invincible!"
"You're a loony."
~Black Night and King Arthur in Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"What's going on out there?!"
"Shall I describe it to you, or would you like me to get you a box?"
~Gimli and Legolas in The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers [movie]

"An elf would go underground where a dwarf dare not? Oh...I'd never hear the end of it."
~Gimli in The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King [movie]

"You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a good being-killed."
"And I'm supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart?"
"You help me, and I- I don't kill you."
"Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter."
~Giles and Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Daddy, it's following us."
"Don't look at it! Get down on the ground. Get on the ground and hold on. Don't look back. Don't look back. Look at me. Do I look scared?"
"Uh huh."
~Lilly and Jackson in 2012

"We leave…immediately!"
"What about dinner?"
"We leave…in five hours."
~Le Frog and another French frog in Flushed Away

"You made a bear!"
"I didn't mean to."
"Undo it! Undo it!"
~Spike and Buffy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"I believe that's the dance of a brave little toaster."
~Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Who's that?"
"I dunno, must be a king."
"Why do you say that?"
"He hasn't got shit all over him."
~Two peasants in Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"This is getting ridiculous. The first assassin kills the second assassin sent to kill the first assassin, who didn't assassinate anyone until we hired the second assassin to assassinate her."
~Lee Mercer in Angel

"Patience, grasshopper. Good things come to those who wait."
"I always thought it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave'. No wonder I've been so confused all my life."
~Maia and Simon in The Mortal Instruments; City of Glass

"Grimms scare the living daylights out of most wizards."
"There you are, then. They see the Grimm and die of fright. The Grimm's not an omen, it's the cause of death! And Harry's still with us because he's not stupid enough to see one and think, right, well, I'd better kick the bucket then!"
~Ron and Hermione in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban [book]

"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!"
~Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone [book]

"This is Berk. It snows nine months out of the year and hails the other three. The food that grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so."
~Hiccup in How To Train Your Dragon

"Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile."
~Hiccup in How To Train Your Dragon

"Oh, I am hurt, I am very much hurt!"
~Tuffnut in How To Train Your Dragon

"Am not drunk."
"You are too."
"Am not. An' quit splittin' in two!"
~Inuyasha and Kagome in InuYasha: Volume 49

"You applied first for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post, is that correct?"
"Yes."
"But you were unsuccessful?"
"Obviously."
~Umbridge and Snape in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix [movie] (And the way Alan Rickman says "Obviously"...Epic scene, really.)

"Whatever luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night."
"Your friends are with you, Aragorn."
"Let's hope they last the night."
~Gimli and Legolas in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers [movie]

"Certainty of death, small chance of success...What are we waiting for?"
~Gimli in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King [movie]

"My name is Lukas Fehrwight. I am wearing clothes that will be full of sweat in several minutes. I am dumb enough to walk around Camorr without a blade of any sort. Also, I am entirely fictional."
"I'm very sorry to hear that, Master Fehrwight, but at least we've got your boat and your horse ready for your grand excursion."
"My attendant will be along any moment. His name is Graumann, and he too suffers from a slight case of being imaginary."
"Merciful gods, it must be catching."
~Locke and Calo in The Lies of Locke Lamora

"Go live your dream."
"I will."
"Your dream stinks. I was talkin' to her."
~Random thug and Flynn in Tangled

"This is me. I am amazing."
~Zemouregal, a quest NPC from RuneScape

"Good luck on your date!"
"I will!"
"That doesn't even make any sense!"
"I know."
~Minion and Megamind in Megamind

"You are incorrigible."
"I don't know the meaning of the word."
[narrative text] "He really doesn't."
~Envy, Todd, and notation in Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

"No, I am not playing the harmonica. I am sucking the coffee out of Nina's phone."
~Ian Somerhalder in the Vampire Diaries season one gag reel

"Maybe I'm going crazy, Damon thought, intrigued. He had never gone crazy before that he could recall, and there was some appeal in the idea."
~The Vampire Diaries; The Return: Nightfall

"Hello? Nine-one-one? I'd like to report an accident…" -to other nun- "They put me on hold."
"Oh, for the love of God!"
~Two nuns in The Princess Diaries [movie]

"You know about this stuff?"
"Penny. I am a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains."
~Penny and Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory

"Ah, gravity. Thou art a heartless bitch."
~Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory

"I'm too young to die!"
"I'm not, but I still don't wanna!"
~Sokka and an old fisherman in Avatar: The Last Airbender

"So do you think we'll really find Airbenders?"
"Do you want me to be like you or totally honest?"
"Are you saying I'm a liar?"
"I'm saying you're an optimist. Same thing, basically."
~Katara and Sokka in Avatar: The Last Airbender

"My first girlfriend turned into the moon."
"That's rough, buddy."
~Sokka and Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender

"Wake the captain and search the entire rig."
"That was the captain you just threw overboard, sir."
"Then wake someone I didn't just throw overboard and search the entire rig."
~Warden and soldier in Avatar: The Last Airbender

"What would you like?"
"Rye toast."
"Would you like that toasted?"
"Um... Sure. Why not."
~Brennan the incompetent waiter and Rory in Gilmore Girls

Maximum Ride Quotes (In Progress, I'll add more later)

"Does anysing on you vork properly?"
"Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony."
~Ter Borcht and Iggy in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

"Do we have a plan B? Or C? Or even Z?"
~Iggy in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

"This is my brain: O
This is my brain after making out with Fang: •
It's very sad."
~Max in MAX

"It was about the worst thing that could ever happen to a girl.
I highly recommend it."
~Max in MAX

"If by 'superior' you mean completely inadequate in every way, then, yes, Omega is far superior."
~Max in Saving The World And Other Extreme Sports

"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain."
~Iggy in The Angel Experiment

Slightly More Personal Quotes

"Yeah, I never want to be a salesperson. One, because I find salespeople incredibly annoying, two, because it's just not something I can see myself being good at...Me: Hi, would you like to buy this new, high tech vacuum? Only 399 dollars! Customer: Hm...that's kind of expensive... Me: Yeah, I know. Ridiculous, isn't it? And it's not even that good of a vacuum! They've been known to have problems with the bristles. Customer: Oh, really? Maybe I'll look elsewhere. Me: That's probably a good idea, ma'am. This vacuum just isn't worth your money."
~Me, in an e-mail to my friend Ellie (Chasing Ideas on here)

"I blow my nose at you, you son of a silly person."
"I happen to be the parent of a silly person too, coincidentally. Silly people run in my family...Actually, only the silly people run in my family. The rest of us take the car."
~Me (quoting Monty Python) and my dad

"'Yard Sale Today'...I want one that says 'Yard Sale Yesterday'."
~My dad, after seeing someone's yard sale sign

"I hereby declare that the prosecuted is proven guilty of meddling in the coffee's affairs, and will suffer...uh..."
"LASAGNA!"
"...will suffer lasagna for ten years."
~Me and my sister, in court in our kitchen (which consisted of a prosecuted teapot and a jury of peanuts...don't ask)

"I do have a brain. It's coming back now...WATER BUNNIES!...nope there it goes again."
~My friend Alex (What can I say? I know a lot of crazy people...)

"I'm not a know-it-all. You just did it wrong."
~My friend Ellie, at camp

"Look Ma, no cob!"
~Me, talking about baby corn

"Why do I always get the sinky, squeaky beds?"
~Me, at camp

"Peace, love, and pie."
~A shout-out, at camp

"Hey, are you done with your bowl?"
"That's your bowl."
"...(facepalm)"
~My friend Ellie and me, at camp (she's the '...', not me)

"I like saying 'be off' really fast; 'byof'."
"Yeah...'b-y-o-f': 'bring your own fruit'...No, wait, 'bring your own fruitcake'."
"Hey, that means I can bring you!"
"Oh, or 'bring your own friend'...Hey!...That took me longer than I'm proud of..."
~Me and my friend Ellie, at camp (again, she's the '...'s, not me)

"And in recent news, the attack of the typos has relaunched..."
~Me, chatting with Ellie

"You don't realize you do it, do you?"
"Do what?"
"Contradict everything I say."
"I do not!"
~My mom and me

"A dog is never in the way. He lies precisely where he means to."
~My dad, about our new puppy's choice of sleeping spots

"Not only will pigs fly, but they will eat bacon and wield laser guns. They will be cannibalistic pigs wielding laser guns. Also flying."
~Crazy friend Alex again

"You're a soda murderer, aren't you?"
~Also said by my crazy friend Alex

"Okay, look bunny. I don't like you, and I'm pretty sure you don't like me..."
~Alex, talking to a bunny slipper

"You look like you're going insane."
"I am going insane."
"You look like a weirdo idiot."
"I am a weirdo idiot."
~My sister and Alex

"I'm being stalked by oatmeal!"
~Me, when I had the smell of oatmeal stuck in my nose for three days straight

"'Snicker snicker panther snicker snicker snicker' what?"
~Me, talking to my sister, who had been trying to say 'panther' while giggling

"Oh, ow...I think I'm getting an ow...I mean, a headache."
~Alex

"I think my brain just crashed."
~Alex

"Don't-...ow!...Don't-...crap!"
~Alex (This one is hard to explain...I'll just say that it involved my violent sister and a plastic pumpkin...)

"You're gonna make me look like a complete idiot, not just a five of six-twelfths idiot."
~Alex (no, I don't think it was supposed to make sense...)

"Alex the Great. Alex the Awesome. Alex the- ow!...Alex the Hit-himself-with-something-I-can't-pronounce..."
~Alex, being egotistical and then getting his comeuppance...Muahaha...=P

"Aaaaachoo!!"
"(jumps) Don't do that! It's scary."
~Me and Alex (it was a rather explosive sneeze...)

"Holy poodle droppings!"
~My dad, while playing Bookopoly (that's Monopoly with classic novels, if you're curious)

"That ladybug looks black."
"It is black. It's an evil ladybug who's going to take everything we're saying and bring it back to it's evil master, who will turn it all against us."
~My sister and me

"Yeah, well, grapes are bigger than lemons."
~My sister (there actually was a reason behind her statement, even if her logic was a tad flawed)

"How did you do that?"
"Uh, I used my brain."
"You have one of those?"
"Yeah. Unfortunately for you, you don't."
"I want one. Where did you get it?"
"Well, you have to go up into the mountains to get one...and you need a brain to get there, so it's kind of pointless."
~Alex and my sister

"I am intelligenter than you."
~Alex

"Max is brokenhearted after a strange run-in with a purple cat, and Sam comforts her. Unfortunately, he doesn't do a very good job, and Fang supports Max in her time of need."
"You do suck at summaries. That's not even what your story's about!"
"I know. If only my story had a purple cat."
~Me and my sister, when she was trying to help me come up with a summary for "A Punch In The Nose And A Shock To The Heart"

"If you try talking to me, I might not hear you. I have my music pretty loud-"
"CHEESE PUFF!"
"...Mm-hm."
"I thought so."
~My sister and Alex

"You're a Christmas tree."
"I know I am-...Hang on, I'm a what?"
~Alex and me

"Piffle is an exclamation of annoyance, or exasperation, or...you're being attacked by a spider."
~Me (Alex was on RuneScape, to explain the spider thing)

"I see, in this sentence, the same typos THAT WOULD TAKE THE HEART OF ME. A day may come when the courage of typists fails, when we forsake our computers and break all bonds of grammar. An hour of viruses and shattered firewalls when the age of writers COMES CRASHING DOWN. But it is not this day. For all that you hold dear, on this good net, I bid you stand, authors of the FanFiction!"
~Alex, in a Yahoo chat

"Yes! Yes! Throw the pot at the evil monster!"
~Me, while Alex was playing Legend of Zelda

"Liz, it's a flat surface. Oh. My. God. It's a friggin' flat surface! Get over here and put something on it!"
~Me, during a room cleaning

"'Made from red ripe tomatoes'...As opposed to what? Purple rotten tomatoes?"
~Alex, reading a Heinz ketchup label

"You are a piffle with no sense of sqaz, who should consider having your farfegnugen looked at."
~An insult I used on my sister (aren't I inventive?)

"I will not condone a course of action that will put me in third."
~Me, while playing Mario Kart (I did end up winning =P)

"You are the most stupidest people I've ever saw."
~Alex the oh-so-intelligent

"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay. Go feed the cats."
"I'm suddenly not fine. I'm dying."
~Alex's mom and Alex

Liz: "Huah!"
Dad: "Huah?"
Me: "What's 'huah'?"
Dad: "I dunno. It's what the Marines say before they kill people."
~My sister, my dad, and me

"...but if I do end up rereading six and seven I'm gonna feel like a filthy hippogriff... Hypocrite! I meant hypocrite!"
~Me (This is what happens when you read too much Harry Potter in a short time span. Beware!)

"Did she just say 'caught in a bedroom dance'?"
~My mom, on hearing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance

"I'm losing my mind... I ask for a word and it gives it to me and I use it and it goes 'heh heh'."
~My dad

"'Rated M for violence'... You know, all those games don't really need to be rated M. I mean, violence never hurt anybody... Oh, okay, that was stupid..."
~Alex

Ellie: hmm...for some reason the ad program on google seems to think that I would be interested in buying sock puppets that range in length from 4 to 48 inches long...
Me: XD
~Ellie and me in Google chat

"He's staring at me like, 'If I was bigger, I would kill you'."
~Alex, about his cat

Alex: "Oops. I dropped a mushroom."
Me: "I dropped one on my computer. It left a little greasy spot."
Liz: "I dropped one down my...front."
Alex: "Well, these are some very elusive mushrooms."
~Alex, me, and my sister, while eating pizza

"Go away, you stupid demon. I'm trying to organize my inventory."
~Alex, while playing Diablo II

"Did anybody even hear me?"
"Yes. What did you say?"
~My sister and Alex

"Go jump off a lake."
~My sister

"She has a habit for hibbity hobbits."
~Me (Don't ask)

"Oh, I lived. I lived, I lived, I lived, I'm a liver!…… Oh, God. I didn't just say that."
~Alex, while playing a very intense bit of Diablo

"My parents like to argue. They're practicing for the Olympics."
~Alex

"Are you going to camp tomorrow?"
"Apparently it's being disgusted…er, discussed."
~Alex's dad and me (Cut me some slack, it was like, midnight)

"Are you going to kill Diablah-blah?"
~Me, while trying to say 'Diablo' (Pure slip of the tongue, I assure you)

"If I had a dime for every time I saw a monster called Gray Maim the Jagged..."
"You'd probably have about a dollar."
"I'd have a lot of dimes... How many dimes are in a dollar?"
"Ten."
"Right. That's a lot of dimes."
~Alex and me at about one o' clock in the morning, while Alex was playing Diablo

"Did you get more shampoo?"
"Hang on... What did you just say?"
"I said, 'Did you get more shampoo'."
"Ohhhhhhh... I thought you said, 'Did you get Martian poo'."
"Uh, no, no I didn't."
~My sister and me

"Open foot, insert mouth."
~My mom, who had no idea what she'd said until I pointed it out

"Hey! Apples have multicolored mouse balls!"
~My sister ('Apples' meaning computers, but feel free to take this quote however you want to)

"I knight thee, Lady Computer."
"No! I'm supposed to be Lady Mouse Balls!"
~Alex and my sister (Yes, this happened shortly after the previous quote)

"I like ice cream."
"Everybody does. That's how you know you're human."
"So if you don't like ice cream, you're not human?"
"No. You're a vampire."
"Vampires can't like ice cream?"
"Right. So if some mysterious stranger shows up in your kitchen in the middle of the night and goes, 'I've come to suck your blo-...Is that ice cream?', it's NOT a vampire."
~Me and my dad

"This is going to kill us for the rest of our lives, you know."
~Alex

"It's all fun and games until you're losing. Then you cheat."
~Alex

"If she'll be here, she'll be here, but if she won't be here, she won't be anywhere."
~My mom (It kinda made sense in context)

"Hey! Take that back!"
"Sorry, we have a no returns policy."
~Me and Alex

"I don't like wet bread. Wet bread is for ducks."
~My sister

"(gasp)"
"What?"
"An invincible army of undead ladybugs. I'm a genius!"
~Alex and me

"It's not very aerodymatic."
"What, like streamlined and smells nice?"
~My sister and me, late at night when she was trying to say aerodynamic

"Your leg is Zaros. I'm going to cut off your leg and worship it."
~Alex (having to do with Zaros being a god on RuneScape and Alex being a Zarosian)

"Yeah, like that time you just randomly got up and closed the clubbard... I just called it a clubbard."
~Me (I meant to say cupboard, if that wasn't obvious)

"Your mom's home. I hope she has food."
"I'm going to eat her if she doesn't."
~Me and Alex

"Cock-a-doo-doo! Cock-a-doo-doo!"
"And what makes that noise?"
"(thinks a moment)... My mouf."
~My four-year-old-cousin and my dad

"The word 'noob' is trying to find its way out of my brain."
"It just did, didn't it? It escaped with a whole bunch of other words. It got lost in the crowd so you wouldn't notice it."
~Alex and me

"That poor tree. All those people banging it... I mean banging on it."
~Me

"...and then there was that fugitive who was hiding in the sewer and a rat crawled into his brain."
"Ohhhh...oh, God... Oh, GOD that's nasty."
~Alex and my sister, about A Thousand Ways To Die

"I have a little ridge here... I think I stuck something under my cubicle...cuticle. I meant cuticle."
~Me

"I probably will watch it, just because I like watching movies, and if I end up liking it, I give you permission to 'I told you so' me into oblivion."
"Well, when you get to oblivion, send me back all my lost socks."
~Me and my dad

"Oh, just shut up and say something already!"
~My sister

"I am now thinking about thinking about stuff."
~Alex

"My hand looks really pale next to yours."
"Most things pale in comparison to me."
~My sister and my dad

"Forgive and forget, right?"
"No, remember and hold a grudge for all of eternity."
~Me and Alex

"This is kind of disgusting."
"No shit, Sherlock."
"Actually, lots of shit, Sherlock. Too much shit, Sherlock."
~My sister and me, cleaning up after our oh-so-tidy cows

"Hang on, let me show you exactly approximately how old it is."
~Alex

"What did you do?"
"The cat. Um, the cat... scratched me..."
~Me and Alex

"Quickbooks, yeah. That's where you put in the title and what the book's supposed to be about, and a team of trained monkeys writes your book for you."
~Alex

"Hey, you asked for a question and you got an answer."
"Really? Sucks to be me, then."
~Alex and me

"Mioaw!"
"Why are you meowing?"
"In sympathy for the yaks."
~Alex and me (I'm not even going to try to explain this one.)

"There! I said it! Now I'm going to jump off the Eiffel Bridge!"
~Alex

"I just stretched and stuck my fist in my root beer."
~My sister

"It seems like it's mostly black guys who look good bald. Or at least, it's mostly them that wear their hair not there."
"That is the strangest description for 'bald' I've ever heard."
~My sister and me

"Because I am awesome." (brandishes pen)
"That's a pen."
"No it's not, it's a... (clicks pen) Rats. I thought it might be a raccoon."
~Alex and me

"Yeah, the minute you stop working, he's like, 'What are you doing?' It's like, 'I'm taking a thirty second break. Give me a minute.'"
~Me (My sister caught this, and we both had quite the laugh.)

"I feel really random today. I got out of the shower and my first thought was, 'I'm bleeding water'."
~Alex

"Let go of me! I need to feed the waters!"
~My sister (She actually needed to give the cows water.)

"Seriously, I'm not cold!"
"You're lying."
"No, I'm not!"
"You're as cold as ice..."
~My sister, me, and the radio

"Take me down to the paradise city where the girls are green and the grass is pretty... Oh, whoops."
~My sister, mis-singing Paradise City by Guns N' Roses

"The first thing that one must learn if one is to become accomplished–..."
"Become a what?" -pause- "Did you just say, 'become a goldfish'?"
~Me and Alex

"No, you really shouldn't do that. The mats and rice will come out."
~Alex (He meant rats and mice. Gotta love spoonerisms.)

"So did you hear our philersophical conversation about the disapplearance of things into plotfoals?"
~Me, but I was only repeating Alex's vocal flub-ups

"Hey!"
"Well, you were sitting on my selt bucket."
~Alex and Liz (she meant seat buckle; I have no idea how she got 'selt bucket')

Person: "LET'S KILL ALL MODS."
Mod: "LET'S NOT AND SAY WE DID."
~The RuneScape forums

"Yeah. The... -shakes head- That's not what I mean. The... That's not what I meant!"
~My sister, who was having trouble saying what she meant

"I don't mind if you're on my bed, but I don't like it when you sit on my pillow and chew on my head."
~My sister, to our cat

"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to me."
~My sister

"We should stop saying 'oh my God'. Say something else. And not something dumb like the 'oh my Cullen' that was going around. Maybe 'oh my Loki', 'cause he was a real mythological person."
~Me (Aren't I a genius?)

"Could you cook it rare or medium rare?"
"No. I'm going to cook it until it's shoe leather and fix the hole in my boot."
~My friend and her dad, about steaks

"I just said that. Why would I take offense at–"
"I dunno."
"You keep interrupting me. It's getting really–"
"Yeah, I know."
~Me and my sister

"I'm going to kill you slowly and with relish... And mustard."
~Me

"You need to stop flattering me. I'm going to get a big head."
"It's big enough already... Is that better?"
~Me and Alex

"I don't think there's going to be a powder outage... Power outage."
~Me

Alex: -drinking juice pouch- "Have you ever squirted someone in the face with one of these?"
Me: -gets up and moves-
Alex: "Well, that's a conversation stopper."

"I mean, we are like ninety-nine percent water."
~My sister (She did correct herself, but still.)

"Great, now I have somewhere stuck in a rainbow."
~Alex's mom, trying to say that she had Somewhere Over The Rainbow stuck in her head

"I said, I'm a stickler for grammar."
"It sounded like you said you were a Swiffer rammer."
~Me and my sister

"My brother lost his girlfriend, can he have yours?"
~What I thought I heard a guy in the park say into his cell (I was probably mistaken, but it was hilarious anyway)

"Your animations are smoother now, oh translucent purple one."
~Alex, talking to a Barrows Brother on RuneScape

"I'm going to bed."
"Again?!"
"...Yes, Liz, again. People do that every night, you know."
~My sister and Alex's mom

"Vista... What a stupid name for something that makes you sit there and stare into your lap."
~My dad, on the Windows operating system

"And it's not like I'm ever going to get past the Waterbed Temple."
"...I think you mean the Lakebed Temple..."
~My sister and me, about The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess's third dungeon

"What if in a hall where they were putting on a play about horses there was a sign that said 'No Horseplay' and nobody came because they thought it was canceled."
~Alex

"You know, if everyone's doing the same dumb thing it's suddenly cool."
~My sister

"Now that I'm blind in my left ear... Deaf. Now that I'm deaf in my left ear..."
~Alex

"You're a strange bug."
"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'strange fish'."
"Right. My apologies."
"'Bug'... How insulting!"
~Me and Alex

"Where did you come from and why are you here?"
"Hell."
"...and why are you here?"
"Taxes."
~Me and Alex

"I know what you mean. My priorities may as well have gone on an extreme roller coaster, gotten utterly smashed, spun themselves around a few hundred times and then thrown themselves off the end of a pier to wash up on the shore of some remote island. I mean, I haven't updated my fanfiction in over a month because whenever I go to work on it, my annoying little voice inside says, "Oh, you don't want to do that! You want to play Bejeweled!" -sigh- I really need to get over that."
~Me, in an email, talking about screwy priorities

"I'm fine with Quiznee's... Quiznee's, jeez, Quizno's. I'm fine with Quiznee's... God, I did it again! Quizno's!"
~Me, having a rather hard time with a simple word

"…I just had an epitome."
~Alex

"How are you guys doing?"
"Surprisingly good… That was badly grammaticked." -stunned silence- "Oh my God, I really just said that."
~Alex's mom and me (I'd just stayed up all night, quite literally, so I deserve a little slack I think.)

"I have a really good memory, I just forget things."
~Me

"I can't think about anything for very long because I'm so scatterbrained. My brain has Shiny Thought Syndrome."
~Me

"There are mini vegetables hanging upon your lobes."
~A suitemate at the Governor's Institute on the Arts, about another suitemate's gourd earrings

"Did we bring a car?"
"Yes."
"What does it look like and where did we put it?"
-points- "It's right there."
"Ah, the blue one. We shouldn't have brought a blue one; everybody brought a blue one."
~My dad and me, in a parking lot

"In order to get away with performing in front of an audience with just maracas, you have to be very attractive and partially naked."
~My dad

"Why do you have a dill pickle still on your plate?"
"Because it smells funny and I don't want it. And if I ate it now it would clash really badly with the chocolate."
~Me and Alex

"Please go do that, because I'm hungry and bored and I really need something to-… FUCK!"
~Alex

"Okay, so why is Verac defiled?"
"…I don't want to think about that. Here's a better question, though: Why aren't the rest of them?"
"Maybe it has something to do with Dharok being wretched. Or Guthan being infested."
~Alex and me (This one's totally a RuneScape joke; I doubt it'll be as funny if you don't play it.)

"Stop eating your hamburger, this is serious!"
-looks down at Oreo cookie in hand- "…Hamburger?"
-shrugs- "I dunno. It kind of looked like a hamburger, and I really wanted to say that."
~Alex and me

"You have a sparkle on your eyelid."
"I know."
"You do?"
"Yeah, I couldn't get it off."
~Me and my sister

Liz: "I have a half day of school on Friday."
Alex: "...You have a half Dave school?"
Me: "Yeah, only half of the Dave's have to go to school that day."

"I can't really put up with talking about things I don't care about, so I always end up talking about me."
~My sister

"When I do this, it feels like my leg's going to throw up."
~Me, when I pushed on a bruise on my leg

Me: "I'm going to kill you."
Alex: "You know, if the person you say that to has an unfortunate accident, you could go to jail."
-Later-
Alex: "If you put styrofoam in my coffee, I will eat your soul."
Me: "You shouldn't say that. What if someone eats my soul?"
Alex: "Like who?"

"Ow! ...It's okay, it didn't hurt."
~My sister

"Christ, what is on my pants?"
"I thought you were going to stop saying that and sounding religious."
"God damn it, what is on my pants?"
"You said God."
"Holy fuck, what is on my pants?"
"You said holy."
"...I guess this is why we have religion."
~Alex and me (I mean no offense to any religious people, of course.)

"I think I'm going to get it this time, thanks to Mister Irish Guy."
"I thought you said he was British."
"I changed my mind. I think he's Scottish."
"Okay, is he British, Irish or Scottish?!"
"...I think he's Scottish."
~Alex and me, about someone doing the commentary on a YouTube video

Me: "I forgot my sunglasses."
Dad: -gestures at sky- "Sun, begone!"
-sun goes behind cloud-
Me: "By golly!"
Dad: "That'll be five dollars."

"I don't need sleep! I need... Heroin. That's what I need."
~My friend Sam

"It is?"
"No, I'm lying. I enjoy lying. See? I'm doing it again."
~My sister and me

(We were watching The Lord of the Rings and the village of Bree was mentioned)
Alex: "And to get there, they have to go through the Hamlet of Provolone."

"As it stands...um... Wait, how does it stand again?"
~Alex

"Could you throw a toaster in the bagel for me?" Pause. "No, that's not what I meant."
~Me

-squints at thing in my hand- "Why do you have a toothbrush?"
-stares incredulously- "It's a Tootsie Roll wrapper!"
"Oh, dear Lord." -smacks head on desk-
~Alex and me

"I'm going to go to the Himalayas and sit on an ice cube until I stop overheating."
~Alex

"There was a spider on my arm so then I had a fit and then I died."
~Alex

"Dancing to the music in your head?"
"No. Jiggin' to the music of life."
~Me and my dad

"My hand hurts."
-putting on a horribly affected accent- "Well then chop it off and git a new one!" -dropping accent- "Aren't I helpful?"
"Terribly."
~Me and Alex

"Having your online friends try to stop you from procrastinating is like asking a blind guy to teach you how to read."
~AmyQueen95, in one of our awesome PM conversations

"My computer is slowing down increasingly fast."
"Accelerated slowing... Someone should write that down."
~My sister and my dad

Liz: -yelps as the car suddenly jerks backward-
Me: "Sorry, that was the gas pedal."

"As you can see, I never finish anything either. But I did finish him, so I dated him."
~Me, in reference to drawings and putting the date on them

"Is tomorrow Friday?"
"Yes."
"But I thought today was Thursday!"
"...It is. Which would make tomorrow Friday...?"
"Oh. Right." -facepalm-
~Alex and me

"Honk your horn like crazy and see if someone will come beat you up so we can get an ambulance ride home."
~Alex's plan to escape clogged up traffic

"'Get more game pieces and fill up your game board.'"
"Oh my God, did anyone hear that? It sounded like she just said, 'Get more gay pieces and fill up your gay porn.'"
~Radio commercial and me

"I just hit the head on the nail."
~My sister

"Obviously Arthur was the king of the sun—"
"The king of the sun?"
"The son of the king. Arthur was the son of the king."
~My sister and me

"Don't grasp the phone so much, you'll block the antennae. Clog it up with your... flesh."
~My uncle

Song Quotes:

"So can you tell me what exactly does freedom mean/ If I'm not free to be as twisted as I wanna be."
~Divide by Disturbed (Cracks me up every time.)

"Hell is still overburdened/ I must stand and wait in line."
~Overburdened by Disturbed

"Easy to find what's wrong/ Harder to find what's right."
~Dance With The Devil by Breaking Benjamin

"Come inside now, I implore/ Do you think you can restore/ The crucial pieces missing from my brain/ What seems to be that matter dear/ Why do you cry and shake with fear/ I've only had the best dub me insane."
~Perfect Insanity by Disturbed (Really, I could put the whole song on here, but I figured that would be a bit over the top.)

"Gimme one light, yeah/ Gimme one hope, yeah/ Just gimme... One man, one man, one bar, one night, one day, hey hey/ Just gimme gimme gimme gimme... Fried chicken!"
~One Vision by Queen (I still think they did that as some sort of practical joke. XD)

"Your face it will remind me/ Just how much I have to leave."
~Dehumanized by Disturbed

"Wrap me in a bolt of lightning/ Send me on my way still smiling/ Maybe that's the way I should go/ Straight into the mouth of the unknown."
~Call Me by Shinedown

"You think you've won this fight/ You've only lost your mind."
~Had Enough by Breaking Benjamin

"We're not afraid to open our mouths and scream/ We believe in what we say."
~Honor by Atreyu (A good line, but made funny by the fact that he's screaming it.)

"Hey, it's like deja vu/ A suicidal maniac with nothing to lose."
~Diamond Eyes by Shinedown

"Are you hanging by a thread or swinging from the rope/ Don't think we don't see your scars/ Are you afraid of who you are?"
~Gallows by Atreyu

"Some of the ugliest things take the longest time to make/ And some of the easiest habits are the hardest ones to break."
~In Memory by Shinedown

"Send away for a perfect world/ One not simply so absurd."
~45 by Shinedown

"I'm not against what's right, I'm not for what's wrong/ I'm just making my way and I'm gone."
~Fly From The Inside by Shinedown

"And as distance takes its toll, I fake a smile with an empty soul/ I sing songs with broken lungs and then pray to God that I'll make it home."
~We All Wanna Go Home by Hell Or Highwater

"You took me home, I drank too much/ 'Cause of you my liver turned to dust."
~Ex's And Oh's by Atreyu

Inspirational Quotes

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because people that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind."
~Dr. Suess

"Do not look back and ask why, look forward and ask, why not?"
~Dove chocolate wrapper

"Time passes, people move. Like a river's flow it never ends. A childish mind will turn to noble ambition. Young love will become deep affection. The clear water's surface reflects growth. Now listen to the Serenade of Water to reflect upon yourself."
~Sheik, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Other Random Quotes

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
~A bumper sticker

"I don't like cats; they think they're gods. I don't like dogs; they think we're gods. I like pigs; they'll look you straight in the eye and see an equal."
~Winston Churchill

"Right now, I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
~Steven Wright

"A nice cake is waiting for you."
~A fortune from a fortune cookie

"The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not."
~Anonymous

"Music is like candy; you throw away the (w)rappers."
~Anonymous

"I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book."
~Groucho Marx

"Outside a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."
~Groucho Marx

"Ham and eggs; a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig."
~Anonymous

"A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up three thousand times the memory."
~Anonymous

"The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
~Lily Tomlin

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."
~Gloria Steinem
"One difference: Women can use men. Fish can't use bicycles."
~My sister's response to this quote

"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but don't pick your friend's nose."
~George Carlin

"I don't need your attitude. I have one of my own."
~A t-shirt my friend was wearing

"Being a good writer is 3 percent talent and 97 percent not getting distracted by the internet."
~Dunno who said this, but it was just so true that I had to put it here

"I reject your reality and substitute my own."
~Adam Savage

"I'd tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and I wouldn't want to see you every day."
~Bumper sticker

On a gravestone: "I told you I was sick."

"I want each and every American to know for certain that I'm responsible for the decisions I make, and each of you are as well."
~George W. Bush

"I get up every morning determined both to change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning the day difficult."
~E.B. White

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
~Albert Einstein

"Always deny the apocalypse, because you'll usually be right, and when you're wrong, there'll be nobody around to say, 'I told you so.'"
~Charlie McDonnell

Words and Thoughts to live by--(Found this on StarsLeanDownToKissYou's profile and liked it)

~A day without sunshine is like...night.

~On the other hand, you have different fingers.

~42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.

~Remember, half the people you know are below average.

~He who laughs last thinks slowest. And he who laughs first doesn't get it.

~The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

~How many of you believe in psychokineses? Raise my hand.

~OK. . .so what's the speed of dark?

~When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

~Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

~Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.

~Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

~Eagles may soar, but bunnies don't get sucked into jet engines.

~Why do psychics have to ask your name?

~Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

~Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Poems

There Was A Man by Dennis Lee
There was a man who never was
This tragedy occurred because
His parents, being none too smart
Were born two hundred years apart

I Saw A Jolly Hunter by Charles Causly
I saw a jolly hunter
With a jolly gun
Walking in the country
In the jolly sun
In the jolly meadow
Sat a jolly hare
Saw the jolly hunter
Took jolly care
Hunter jolly eager–
Sight of jolly prey
Forgot gun pointing
Wrong jolly way
Jolly Hunter jolly head
Over heels gone
Jolly old safety catch
Not jolly on
Bang went the jolly gun
Hunter jolly dead
Jolly hare got clean away
Jolly good, I said

by Charles Wilkins
Once upon a time
Can't remember when
Way back there
Way back when
Someone told me something
Can't remember who
Can't remember what it was
But if I ever do
I'll write it on a thingum
And put it somewhere safe–
I think the little whatsit
Would be the perfect place
I wouldn't trust the whoozit
With the thingamy because
I can't remember where it is
Or where it ever was
My memory is excellent
It's never failed me yet
The only things it can't recall
Are things that I forget
(The author regrets that his memory has forgotten the title of this poem)

Nasty, Nasty Dragon by (I don't remember who this is by; it's from the poem book "The Dragons Are Singing Tonight")
I'm a nasty, nasty dragon
I've been nasty since my birth
When it comes to nasty dragons
I'm the nastiest on Earth

I've a nasty, nasty temper
And my breath is nasty too
I was nasty to my parents
I'll be nastier to you

It's my nature to be nasty
Nasty, nasty night and day
I will act completely nasty
If you're in my nasty way

Yet I largely pass unnoticed
As I nastily go by
I'm a nasty, nasty dragon
Just a nasty half-inch high

The Only Two Copy And Pastes I've Ever Done

I don't usually go for these, but these two were good enough to make it on here.

A large percent of authors do not know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you do know the difference, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have an increasingly sophisticated and extensive vocabulary, situate this in your characterization.

I Beta Something RomeoandJulietish by OwlinAMinor

Check it out, it's pretty awesome. =D