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Kina Kalamari
Poll: What do you think is going to happen in 2012? Vote Now!
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since: 05-17-09, id: 1938388, Profile Updated: 04-04-12
country: USA
Author has written 15 stories for Maximum Ride, and RuneScape.

ATTENTION: This profile used to be much larger. It was a whole crapload of quotes that have been thinned down in the interest of brevity, and so that I could fit in things that I thought might be more useful. If you want to view the long list of quotes from myself, my friends, and my family members, some of which were actually amusing, you can find it… Well, in a Word document on my computer. Um. Yeah. I can email it to you…?

About Me

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Some Descriptive Words: Witty, intelligent, stubborn, silly, a bit lazy

Location: Vermont

Education: Homeschooled

Hobbies: Reading, writing, listening to music, playing the piano, obsessing about whatever it is I'm currently obsessed with, collecting quotes

Favorite Book: Runemarks by Joanne Harris

Other Places I Occasionally Frequent
(These were links, but FFN is being annoying for a bit, so they're not right now. They might come back someday. Until then, I'll leave my username for each place next to the site.)

YouTube (WolfsQuill)

FictionPress (Kina Kalamari)

NaNoWriMo (Kalamari47)

RuneScape (My display name is currently TheWordDeity)

The RuneScape Wikipedia (WolfsQuill)

Blogspot (My blog is Perfection and Insanity, i.e. perfectionandinsanity(dot)blogspot(dot)com.)

TV Tropes (Kina Kalamari)

Info That Will Help You Decide If You Want To Browse My Favorites Or Not

My Policy: I don't favorite things lightly. All of the stories on my favorites list are stories that I really enjoyed. They will all have good grammar and spelling and decent characterization, unless there is a good reason for OOCness. So if I favorited your story, particularly in the last year or so, you should definitely take that as a compliment of your writing skills. (There are a few stories that may not be up to par with the rest, particularly if they're Maximum Ride, simply because I didn't used to follow this policy and haven't entirely finished the purge of my favorites list.)

Fandoms I Read (in order of when I started reading them):
This is not necessarily the extent of my favorites list, just the main ones.

Maximum Ride
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Harry Potter
Hunger Games
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Ouran High School Host Club
Doctor Who
Fullmetal Alchemist

Pairings That I Actively Ship:

Buffy/Spike - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Lily/Sirius - Harry Potter
Katniss/Gale - Hunger Games
Haruhi/Hikaru - Ouran High School Host Club
Ten/Rose - Doctor Who
Ed/Winry - Fullmetal Alchemist

Pairings That I Like:

Max/Fang - Maximum Ride
Harry/Ginny - Harry Potter
Ron/Hermione - Harry Potter
Lily/James - Harry Potter
Katara/Zuko - Avatar: The Last Airbender
Eleven/River - Doctor Who
Amy/Rory - Doctor Who
TenII/Rose - Doctor Who
Roy/Riza - Fullmetal Alchemist
Ling/Lan Fan - Fullmetal Alchemist

And now, for the section that made up the majority of my old profile…
Favorite Quotes

"Shut up," said Maddy.
Loki shut up.
"Now listen, both of you."
Both of them listened.
~Runemarks

"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain."
~Iggy, Maximum Ride

"You're mad!"
"Thank goodness for that, because if I wasn't, this would probably never work."
~Beckett and Captian Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

"Advise your brethren. You can fight, and all of you will die, or you can not fight, in which case only most of you will die."
~Beckett, Pirates of the Carribbean: At World's End

"We'll never survive."
"Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one has."
~Buttercup and Westley, The Princess Bride

"Such a strategist was the king that he had a contingecy plan for his contingency plan, and even, if circumstances required, a contingency plan for his contingency plan's contingency plan."
~Seeing Redd

"I find everyone's pain funny but my own."
~Le Frog, Flushed Away

"This is getting ridiculous. The first assassin kills the second assassin sent to kill the first assassin, who didn't assassinate anyone until we hired the second assassin to assassinate her."
~Lee Mercer, Angel

"Patience, grasshopper. Good things come to those who wait."
"I always thought it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave'. No wonder I've been so confused all my life."
~Maia and Simon, The Mortal Instruments: City of Glass

"Grimms scare the living daylights out of most wizards."
"There you are, then. They see the Grimm and die of fright. The Grimm's not an omen, it's the cause of death! And Harry's still with us because he's not stupid enough to see one and thing, right, well, I'd better kick the bucket then!"
~Ron and Hermione, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban [book]

"This is Berk. It snows nine months out of the year and hails the other three. The food that grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so."
~Hiccup, How To Train Your Dragon [movie]

"This is me. I am amazing."
~Zemouregal, RuneScape

"Maybe I'm going crazy, Damon thought, intrigued. He had never gone crazy before that he could recall, and there was some appeal in the idea."
~The Vampire Diaries; The Return: Nightfall

"You know about this stuff?"
"Penny. I am physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains."
~Penny and Sheldon, The Big Bang Theory

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually—from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint—it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly… timey-wimey… stuff."
~The Doctor, Doctor Who

"Doctor, they've got guns."
"And I haven't, which makes me the better person. They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine."
~Rose and the Doctor, Doctor Who

"And five, very important, five… Don't let me eat pears. I hate pears. John Smith is a character I made up, but I won't know that. I'll think I am him, and I might do something stupid like eat a pear. I don't want to wake up in three months and taste that."
~The Doctor, Doctor Who deleted scene

"Do you trust this man?"
"I absolutely trust him."
"So he's not some kind of madman?"
[beat]
"I absolutely trust him."
~A soldier and River Song, Doctor Who

A Selection of Quotes from me, my friends, and my family:

"If I had a dime for every time I saw a monster called Gray Main the Jagged…"
"You'd probably have about a dollar."
"I'd have a lot of dimes… How many dimes are in a dollar?"
"Ten."
"Right. That's a lot of dimes."
~My friend Alex and me, while Alex was playing Diablo II

"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay. Go feed the cats."
"I'm suddenly not fine. I'm dying."
~Alex's mom and Alex

"Open foot, insert mouth."
~My mom, who had no idea what she'd said until I pointed it out

"My hand looks really pale next to yours."
"Most things pale in comparison to me."
~My sister and my dad

"Could you cook it rare or medium rare?"
"No. I'm going to cook it until it's shoe leather and fix the hole in my boot."
~My friend and her dad, about steaks

Alex: -drinking juice pouch- "Have you ever squirted someone in the face with one of these?"
Me: -gets up and moves-
Alex: "Well, that's a conversation stopper."

"I feel really random today. I got out of the shower and my first thought was, 'I'm bleeding water'."
~Alex

"In order to get away with performing in front of an audience with just maracas, you have to be very attractive and partially naked."
~My dad

Me: "I'm going to kill you."
Alex: "You know, if the person you say that to has an unfortunate accident, you could go to jail."
-Later-
Alex: "If you put styrofoam in my coffee, I will eat your soul."
Me: "You shouldn't say that. What if someone eats my soul?"
Alex: "Like who?"

Me: "I forgot my sunglasses."
Dad: -gestures at sky- "Sun, begone!"
-sun goes behind cloud-
Me: "By golly!"
Dad: "That'll be five dollars."

"There was a spider on my arm so then I had a fit and then I died."
~Alex

"Having your online friends try to stop you from procrastinating is like asking a blind guy to teach you how to read."
~AmyQueen95, in one of our awesome PM conversations

"Honk your horn like crazy and see if someone will come beat you up so we can get an ambulance ride home."
~Alex's plan to escape clogged up traffic

"I think I'm a conversation suicide bomber."
~Alex

Grandpa: "It's older than we are. Alas, no one has offered to preserve us."
Grandma: "Just dip us in bronze and stick us on the mantle."
Me: -laughs-
Grandpa: "That was a little weird, dear."
Grandma: "You would need a really big mantle."
~Me and my grandparents, in a discussion of the restoration of a historical building

"How are your eyes? Really bad or just kind of bad?"
"Just kind of bad. If I didn't feel the need to see details, I wouldn't even have to wear glasses."
"That's what I say too… except 'details' for me are small animals and children."
~My mom's boyfriend and me

Other Quotes:

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
~A bumper sticker

"The newscaster is the person who says, 'Good evening,' and then tells you why it's not."
~Anonymous

"I reject your reality and substitute my own."
~Adam Savage

On a gravestone: "I told you I was sick."

"I want each and every American to know for certain that I'm responsible for the decisions I make, and each of you are as well."
~George W. Bush

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning the day difficult."
~E. B. White

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
~Albert Einstein

"Always deny the apocalypse, because you'll usually be right, and when you're wrong, there'll be nobody there to say, 'I told you so.'"
~Charlie McDonnell

"Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
~Anonymous

A Short Poem

There Was A Man by Dennis Lee

There was a man who never was
This tragedy occurred because
His parents, being none too smart
Were born two hundred years apart

I Beta Something RomeoandJulietish by OwlinAMinor

Check it out, it's pretty awesome. =D

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1. Pinch Me, I Must Be Dreaming » reviews
The flock has been trapped in an illusion for the past four years. With unlikely allies, a familiar foe, and a couple bottles of Snapple, can the flock escape from their life-long prison? AU continuation from Ch. 41 of STWAOES. SummarybyStephanieZorander.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 42 - Words: 69,930 - Reviews: 250 - Updated: 5-11-12 - Published: 5-11-10 - Complete
2. Shadows of a Lost Mind » reviews
When Azzanadra took a trip to the Jaldraocht Pyramid, he didn't expect to end up as a bystander in his own head, on a mission to uncover something that's existence is entirely unconfirmed with a bunch of people he didn't like. Life can be cruel sometimes.
RuneScape - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 15 - Words: 23,385 - Reviews: 59 - Updated: 2-18-12 - Published: 9-29-10 - Azzanadra & Zaros
3. Mahjarrat Psychiatry reviews
Kina Kalamari, reporter, detective, game show hostess, and recently self-appointed therapist, decides to hold a day-long therapy session for a group of individuals who we all know could really use some counseling. Oneshot.
RuneScape - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,233 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 6-9-11 - Azzanadra & Enakhra - Complete
4. Kina Kalamari's Interview Journal reviews
It's basically what the title says: Kina Kalamari the crazy reporter wanders around Gielinor, looking for interesting conversation. -Interview requests will be taken into consideration.-
RuneScape - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,852 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 12-29-10
5. Secrets of the Barrows Brothers » reviews
Ever wondered exactly what the Barrows Brothers did in their spare time? Well, find out here, on "Guess the Barrows Brothers' Innermost Secrets"!
RuneScape - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 18,948 - Reviews: 50 - Updated: 9-13-10 - Published: 6-6-09
6. The Gods' Show » reviews
From the producers of Secrets of the Barrows Brothers comes The Gods' Show, where we find out all the secrets of the six gods of RuneScape...not that they want us to tell people that...
RuneScape - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,487 - Reviews: 13 - Updated: 7-13-10 - Published: 3-29-10
7. The Search For The Unknowable reviews
This is the story of a kooky reporter who decided to delve into the very murky waters of Iban's origins. She's not really sure she found anything, but you can make your own conclusions, and maybe even get to meet a few rather odd characters along the way.
RuneScape - Rated: K - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,259 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 6-22-10 - Iban - Complete
8. Life After You reviews
Dylan is lost, Max is broken, and Fang has finally gone 'round the bend, and they're all trying to learn to live with life. Multi-song semi-songfic. Post-FANG reunion fic. Oneshot.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,930 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 5-20-10 - Max & Fang - Complete
9. Unwilling Celebrities » reviews
-COMPLETE- The flock suddenly finds themselves celebrities, and everything they do seems to end up in the tabloids. Can they get their lives back before something drastic happens? Post-fifth book.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 19,866 - Reviews: 132 - Updated: 4-20-10 - Published: 10-2-09 - Fang & Max - Complete
10. Dungeons and Dragons for Dummies reviews
So the flock is bored one day and decides to play D&D, which leads to...well, you can find out for yourself if you read it. Oneshot for geeky people.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,498 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 4-9-10 - Complete
11. Life In The Land Of Tahiti reviews
Whatever happened to Omega and the Director after Itex's fall in STWAOES? The theory: They went to Tahiti. What better place for a vacation from life? Well, possibly anywhere...A very strange oneshot. Semi-parody.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,102 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 4-9-10 - Omega - Complete
12. Angelic Tyranny » reviews
-COMPLETE- After a cruel trick and a devastating fight with Max, Angel leaves the flock and breaks off on her own. What could Angel be planning, with all those powers up her sleeve?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 37 - Words: 61,141 - Reviews: 279 - Updated: 4-1-10 - Published: 5-27-09 - Angel & Max - Complete
13. A Punch In The Nose And A Shock To The Heart reviews
Some Sam vs. Fang action, followed up by some wonderfully Faxy fluff. Rather lame summary, but it captures the main gist of it. Set mid-SOF. Oneshot.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,370 - Reviews: 27 - Published: 2-3-10 - Max & Fang - Complete
14. Oh, Christmas Tree reviews
Where do you put a huge Christmas tree that won't fit in your living room? Well, that's what Max and Fang have to figure out. A Christmassy oneshot. Little bit of Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,834 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 12-23-09 - Max & Fang - Complete
15. Dumped reviews
Max went on a date with Sam, but he didn't feel the spark and broke up with her, leaving her miserable. Luckily for Max, she's got Fang. Set mid-SOF. Oneshot. Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,512 - Reviews: 21 - Published: 11-13-09 - Max & Fang - Complete
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