|Riddle Master 101|
Author has written 8 stories for Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, X-overs, and Sherlock.
Age: Time is relative. Lunch time doubly so.
Favorite Book(s): The Lord of the Rings. It has the absolute top spot, no question. The rest is divided into sub-parts:
Fantasy/Sci Fi: The Riddle Master Trilogy (yep, that’s where the penname comes from), The Enchanted Forest Chronicles, The Name of the Wind, Silmarillion, Dune, Good Omens, most of Neil Gaiman’s works (especially the short stories).
Realistic Fiction/Satire: Catch-22, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Catcher in the Rye, The Kite Runner.
The Classics: Siddhartha, Damian, A Tale of Two Cities, The Canterbury Tales, the Works of Shakespeare, Sherlock Holmes.
Favorite TV show(s): ‘Supernatural’, 'Dresden Files', ‘Doctor Who’ (favorite doctor? old = 4th Doctor, new = 10th Doctor), and ‘Firefly’. As of this summer, ‘Sherlock’ might be my all time favorite show ever.
Favorite Poet: Wallace Stevens, W.B. Yeats, and Shel Silverstein.
Severus Snape (spy, double agent—triple agent?—potions master, sarcastic, and so complex…it took until the last of seven books to figure out whose side he was really on. That’s talent.)
Lucius Malfoy, Voldemort, Rabastan Lestrange (actually, all the Lestranges…and most of the rest of the Death Eaters—my, my, I’ve gone to the dark side. And it’s because they’re dark and creepy, and every story needs really awesome bad guys)
Harry (‘cause for the whole “savior from birth, go kill the Dark Lord” thing, he’s actually surprisingly sane)
Ginny and Hermione (not in romantic relation to anyone, even cannon…Ginny's survived six older brothers. And Hermione? I think one fanfic summed it up nicely: "We might have been killed, or worse, expelled...and then she grows up to be the first person to successfully break into Gringotts and escape on a dragon")
Sirius and Remus (‘cause the world needs innocent ex-convicts and timid werewolves)
Salazar Slytherin…and the rest of the Founders (castle, giant squid, moving staircases, enchanted ceiling, a basilisk—don’t you want these people to found your school?)
Lord of the Rings (the BOOKS, people, not the movies…though as movies go, those weren’t bad):
Legolas and Aragorn (NOT in a romantic way—Aragorn's the mysterious ranger who actually turns out to be a king, and Legolas is an elf with enough self confidence to befriend a dwarf...and then bring said dwarf to the Undying Lands with him)
Eowyn (rides to war pretending to be a guy, succeeds, and then proceeds to kill the Witchking which “no living man” can do...)
Lobelia (ahh, end of the series…hitting the big bullies over the head with her umbrella)
Prince Imrahil (because at least there was someone of intelligence on that battlefield)
The Feanorians (not really LOTR, but what the Hell…Maglor’s my favorite of those guys …hence profile picture).
The Riddlemaster Trilogy:
Deth (yep, he’s awesome. Talk about hiding in plain sight)
Castiel (he’s an Angel of the Lord, a Soldier of Heaven, and yet...)
Dean and Sam Winchester (because despite the whole “starting the Apocalypse” thing, they’re a better pair of brothers than any two angels in Heaven)
Bobby Singer (yeah, the Panic Room rocks…best idea ever)
Gabriel (despite his many faults, he’s awesome…the Archangel Gabriel, the Messenger of God, Beloved of all three of the monotheistic religions, and he masquerades on Earth as the Trickster Loki? Seriously?!)
Sherlock Holmes (I don't know if it's the attitude, the quicksilver deductions, or that coat and scarf, but there's something about him...)
DI Lestrade (His go-with-the-flow attitude. Despite everything Sherlock gives him, he still lets the detective on the case...and occasionally raids his flat for case evidence under the pretext of a drug bust.)
Loki, Clint Barton (Hawkeye), and Agent Coulson.
Within the first 5 minutes of the movie, my first favorite possessed my second favorite...and half way through, my first favorite killed my third favorite...damnit!
A Lightning's Tale—Harry's first year...as a Slytherin. Trolls and dragons and snakes, oh my! Needless to say, Harry is not bored. Now Complete!
The Most Unkindest Cut of All—a Severus betrays Voldemort fic. I've had this idea bouncing around in my mind for a while and I had to get it out on paper (well, Word, but you get the idea).
What Remains, However Improbable—Harry (and baby Teddy) move to Baker Street following the war. Sherlock is interested...very interested. Mycroft is not amused, runs mass conspiracies, and wishes that Potter was more easily intimidated. And John? Well, when one lives with Sherlock Holmes, one deals with things that are very bizarre. The existence of magic isn't that out of the realm of weirdness that he's encountered recently. Just ask him about what happened in Cardiff...
End Game—a Sherlock fic. Takes place directly after "The Great Game". DI Lestrade arrives on the scene of the explosion, and both does and does not find what he feared. Told stream of consciousness style.
Whiskers on Kittens—another Sherlock fic. Sometimes, calling Sherlock to crime scenes is really not worth the hassle, drama, and general bizarreness that it brings.
Christmas Cheer—Who will compromise more with regard to Christmas decorations? John or Sherlock?
Yuletide Carols—LOTR Christmas song parodies, and what got me interested in posting online. Keep in mind that these songs are darkly humorous, and that I vastly prefer writing from the evil people's side of things in humor—there's just so much potential.
From the Mixed Up Files of Riddle Master's Muse—short stories and drabbles, unrelated unless stated otherwise. Various ideas, scenes, conversations, and character studies which won't make themselves into real stories. Fandoms at the moment: Harry Potter, Supernatural, Merlin, and Lord of the Rings. The title comes from that book most US elementary school students have to read: From the Mixed up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. You know, the one where they live in the Metropolitan Museum of Art for about a week?
Hi again everyone! Yes I’m still alive, and working on fics.
No sequel to A Lightning's Tale. There may be short one-shots in the same universe, but they won't be written any time soon. I've left the Harry Potter world behind for the moment.
The next installment in What Remains will be a long time in coming. I have a faint idea of what I want to have happen, but right now I have no inspiration to write the story.
Mixed up Files may or may not remain in its current format; the fic isn't exactly doing its intended purpose (inspiring me to write a lot more often), so I may just split it up into separate stories.
Next fic? Probably a Glee one, as I've recently been sucked into that genera and have quite a few ideas for it. Nothing long though, and it won't be posted any time in the near future.
And that’s all for now. Thanks to all those magnificent reviewers!
19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they “want fries with that”.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In".
5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Smuggling Drugs".
7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the Economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
...If you don't hear the Fairy Reel,
they will not pause to steal your breath.
When I was young I was a fool.
So wrap me up in dreams and death.
The Most Important Thing to Remember...
"...when writing a 'fic you must keep in mind that what people really want to read, and what is most worthwhile to write, is the struggle. All the hard times, all the bad days, all the grinding work, all the nasty weather, all the emotion. You can't just rattle off a list of things that happened. We want to see them happening! We want to feel the pain and the joy and the pride and the disappointment. Take the gray seas and snow-covered pines and fluttering auroras burning in the darkness behind your eyes and convert them into text!"
Quotes…from a very wide range of sources:
Quotes about Life:
"I reject your reality and substitute my own." - Jamie from Mythbusters
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you - Unknown
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move - Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe - Babylon 5: A Late Delivery from Avalon
Life is like a movie. If you are sad: drama. If you are afraid: suspense. If you are angry: action. When you look in the mirror: horror. Now you are smiling: that's comedy
Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run away—he hates that.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ... oooh the possibilities!
Quotes about people:
“Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls” – profile of: I.bashed.Voldie’s.head
"Luke... I am your second uncle, twice removed," – from: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Just because your paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
No I WONT go to hell! They have a restraining order against me – profile of: Death’s Favourite Child
I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.
Three wise women would have stopped to ask for directions, got to the stable on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, cooked the dinner, and then there would have been peace on earth.
"This is the crack team that foils my every plot! I am deeply shamed." - Spike
"Is there any tea on this spaceship?” Arthur Dent, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The single most important question which must be asked by any British person when abducted by aliens.
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
"I believe if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party." - Ron White
Come over to the dark side…we've got cookies!
Quotes about Intellect:
The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
I’m having Déjà vu and amnesia at the same time: I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Intelligence is realizing that it is a one-way street. Wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Sarchasm—the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
Love is like pi...natural, irrational, and very important - The Challenge, a Numb3rs fic
Here's a discussion for you: why do we remember the past, and not the future? - Numb3rs, a Larry Fleinhardt quote
"The best kind of writing, and the biggest thrill in writing, is to suddenly read a line from your typewriter that you didn't know was in you." - Larry L. King
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein
Knowledge = Power = Energy = Matter = Mass. The L-Space equation by Terry Pratchett, which explains why really old fashioned second hand bookshops are bigger on the inside. They distort the fabric of space-time.
Quotes of the Random nature:
This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action - Sign shown in a non-smoking zone
Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Warning: Survivors will be shot again.
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I have to admit, I've learned more vocabulary from Snape fics than from 13 years of public schooling.
The pen may be mightier, but the sword still hurts like hell.
Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors – profile of: Heart Torn Out
When nothing goes right, go left
I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.
And then Buffy staked Edward. The end.
When I was your age, Pluto was a planet.
The Noodle Prayer: “Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the onion, and the bay leaves, forever and ever. R'Amen.”
Sam: So burning the body had no effect on that thing?
Forget knights in shining armor, princes, or even vampires. Me, I want a Jedi!
I'm waiting for my TARDIS to come...
Dear Santa, I can explain...
A: Alright then, do you have a plan of escape?.
"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it." -Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"Life is a disease: sexually transmitted and invariably fatal." -Neil Gaiman
"Allons-y, Alonso!" – 10th Doctor, Doctor Who
"Box falls out of sky, man falls out of box, man eats fish custard and look at you! Just sitting there! So do you know what I think? That must be a hell of a scary crack in your wall." – 11th Doctor, Doctor Who
“Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
Sherlock: You're a doctor. Actually, an army doctor.
John: Well, yes.
Lestrade: Isn’t that the phone from a Study in Pink?
"Stop it! We can't giggle, we’re at a crime scene." - John Watson, Sherlock
John: A severed head!
A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - Herm Albright
Arthur: I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
I survived Y2K, 9/11, mad cow disease, bird flu, and swine flu. 2012, bring it on.
And...Quotes from Fan Fics:
Q: "Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and the purpose of your visit," the cheery witch's voice announced to the six wizards tightly packed into the red telephone box.
"Death Eaters," Lucius said with a hint of amusement. "We're here to kill you." Dolohov had the audacity to smack him on the arm. The amusement in his voice vanished with a shocked exclamation of, "Ow! What was that for, you idiot?"
"They're never gonna let us in now!" the man replied as if it were obvious.
"O' ye of little faith," Lucius smirked at him. "I think I know the Ministry a bit better than you."
Sure enough, to the surprise of everyone except Lucius, the voice thanked them, wished them a good day and a silver badge dropped down. Dolohov picked it up in wonder and read it aloud. "Death Eaters. Reason for visit: Homicide." He blinked at Lucius from behind his mask. "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle." - Curse of Fate by Madam Nika
Q: The scarred man smirked before looking at the occupants in the bed, “Hello, law abiding citizens,” his gaze shifted to the three Uchihas, “Marginally law abiding citizens,” and then his eyes fell on Kisame, “… citizen.” - The Demilitarized Zone by michelerene
Q: Spock isn't going to do anything awesome and then think to himself how kick-ass he is. He's Vulcan, after all. If he found the cure for all diseases, he'd just be kind of like, "It was a logical conclusion based on the information at hand" and the "eat it, bitches" would be communicated through eyebrows alone. - Atlas, authors note
Q: "Enemy ninjas are not required to fill out any bureaucratic forms before they kill you. We are admittedly quite impressed that you managed to convince them of this, though." - Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do by H.E.Gray
Q: …the headmaster admitted that he found the whole event quite amusing as it finally answered his long time question of whether there was anyone or anything too daunting for Severus when he was in full rant. Apparently, discovering Severus ranting full out at a two thousand year old basilisk was what it took to convince Dumbledore that no one was immune from Professor Snape's wrath when the mood took hold - The Tiniest Wish, Brennkinn
Q: "Expecto Patronum!"
He [Harry] hadn't really expected anything but, if asked, he would have said that a shiny stag should have appeared and driven the dementors away.
Instead, he produced a huge (though correctly shiny) shape of basilisk that began to work its way through the sea of the black-robed creatures, destroying them with the power of its sight. It casually grabbed one dementor into its jaws and munched on it, while looking left and right and apparently destroying an entire species.
"Light wizard, right…" Tom remarked, while Harry was trying to figuratively collect his jaw from the ground. "You, Mr Potter, are a freak of nature."
When the last dementor in sight was reduced to a heap of bones, ugly greenish skin and black rags, and the glowing king of snakes disappeared from view, searching for other prey, Harry finally found his voice.
"Tell me about it." - Visionary, by BC
Q: Charlie is still glaring, but Don moves on easily because he knows it bugs his brother to leave an argument unfinished. "There was an explosion in the Physics department at CalSci."
Their dad nods. "I heard that much on the news."
"Yeah, something explodes a couple doors down and Charlie's still in Larry's office worrying about his chalkboards." He smirks at his brother and Charlie spreads his hands, incredulous.
"They were important equations! Larry and I spent all morning working on that hypothesis!"
Dad gives him a look. "It's times like these I'm grateful you're not more involved in your brother's work. You know, most people hear an explosion and they exit the building."
"It's the physics department!" Charlie protests, waving his fork. "There are explosions all the time!"
Another look from their father. "That is not exactly reassuring."
Charlie gestures at Don and Don realizes as he's opening his mouth that he's about to get his turn in the hot seat. "At least I'm not like Don, walking around with a huge hunk of metal in my leg!"
Their father nods. "This is true."
"I was only walking because I had to find you and make sure you weren't doing exactly what you were doing—not leaving the building." - Improbably, but Not Impossible, by MusicalLuna1
Q: "Anything after my fall is news to me...I am not even supposed to interfere with Heavenly matters. I'm on vacation."
"Being human is you using your vacation time?"
"Yes, it is a very short one at best. You humans have a life expectancy of eighty years. In an angelic frame of time it is like spending a few minutes away from home. It is barely a blink of an eye as far as billion year old angels are concerned."
Dean gaped at him, "You're like a billion?"
"That surprises you?"
"You never put a number to your age. If you're that old, why the Hell did you listen to me?"
"Because you are very loud and hard to ignore."
With a smirk, Castiel got into the Impala before Dean could respond. - Like Father, Like Son, by Kittyalex.
Q: "Sam, please." Dean glared indignantly. "I find the term 'lovebirds' to be offensive. We prefer to be called 'sex-falcons'." - A Hand, by thecouchcarrot
Q: "Angel 101...They're overly literal, have no concept of personal space and one should never ever try to have a drinking contest with any of them" - Ashes and Diamonds, by Scyllaya
Q: Dean's eyes shifted back and forth between his brother and the angel. "Did I miss something?"
"No. Not really," Sam replied with a shrug.
Castiel frowned. "Except for the demons."
"Right." Sam nodded. "The demons. And the ritual."
"And the six hellhounds."
"Almost getting mauled to death."
"Almost getting mauled to death again."
"Our slow getaway."
"And a narrow escape from a final fatal mauling," Sam finished grinning at his brother.
Castiel's expression remained completely blank but there was something twinkling in his eyes.
Gripping tightly to the steering wheel, Dean declared, "That's it. I'm never leaving the two of you alone ever again." - Amid Adversity, by Daylight
Q: Tom smiled at unsubtle reminder. "Any advice you can give me based on your original world?"
Harry and Sirius looked at each other.
Sirius answered first. "If you gotta kill a baby, always use the killing curse."
Harry grinned. "If you're unsure, it's safe to assume it's a one-time one-way portkey."
"The worst thing you can do," Sirius insisted, "is to overestimate your opponent. Trust me. They're always untalented and unlucky. And alone."
"Matching tattoos to easily identify your followers are a must."
"It never hurts to reveal all your plans and leave your opponents in a complicated death trap. It's safe to assume it worked. No need to stay and watch."
"If you ever meet a snake named Nagini, just run the other way."
Tom looked at Regulus. "They're mocking me, aren't they?"
"Picked up on that, did you?" Regulus grinned back. - A Black Comedy, by nonjon
Q: "What's up, Sam?" Gabriel asked, appearing next to Sam.
"Take me somewhere!" Sam ordered. "I don't care where-" Gabriel grinned and held up his fingers to snap. "As long as it doesn't involve crocodiles-" Gabriel's smile dropped, "pink flamingoes, haunted houses, fake ghosts, bakeries, sweet food, artery killing food, mountains, clouds, walking on water-"
"Sam," Gabriel interrupted. "You're killing all my fun. I won't even take you to the circus at this point. Just tell me where you want to go."
"The circus!" Sam said, frustrated.
"Sam, wait-" John said before they disappeared. With a huff, he turned towards Bobby. "Is Sam still afraid of clowns?"
"Ask Dean," Bobby shrugged. "Hey, Gabriel, make sure you feed him this time!" - Son In Law, by kaitouahiru
Q: "You know that the things that come out of Dean's mouth are to be taken at a fifth degree at the best of times, don't you?" Sam asked as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He then paused and ran a hand through his hair. "No, of course you don't. You don't know what a degree is," he mumbled to himself.
He was rewarded with the Angel's best offended slash confused slash know-it-all slash holier-than-thou look. "It is a unit of measurement, generally referring to temperature." There was a pregnant pause during which Sam tried his best not to laugh. "Though I was not aware that Humans could speak in a graduation of degrees," he conceded, and he looked truly fascinated by the prospect. - Ask Me, by Renn
Q: With that, Flitwick and Dumbledore changed the subject of their conversation to class schedules. Once again Potions was getting the Gryffindor/Slytherin and Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff pairings that had oddly enough been determined over several decades of trial and error to be the least explosive despite Gryffindor and Slytherin's intense rivalry. Nobody wanted a repeat of the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw class that had resulted in Potions being moved to a heavily warded section of the dungeons after an experiment gone awry blew out one of the castle walls. Brains and Bravery made for a very dangerous combination. - Harry Potter and the Useless Rock, by Lucillia
Q: "I think Dumbledore moved it when Quirrell went missing," [Voldemort] shrugged his shoulders. "Not that I particularly care. The stone is fake in any case."
"It is?" [Harry] asked, frowning.
[Voldemort] waved his hand. "I met the Flamels later on, sometime after they supposedly died of old age," he said with rather annoyed look about his face. "There's a couple of old codgers you don't want to under estimate."
"They cursed you, didn't they?" [Harry] asked, amused.
"I'm not sure, exactly," [Voldemort] said, frowning at the memory. "It was rather strange. I woke up in muggle coma ward four weeks before I went to meet them. After I managed to regrow my legs, I figured it was probably best to leave them alone." - Best laid plans, by esama
Q: "You mentioned a sword?"
Merlin's teeth flashed firelight in the darkness as he smiled.
"Not just any sword," he replied, tugging Arthur's arm a little. "Excalibur, the finest sword ever made, bathed in dragon's breath and to be wielded exclusively by Arthur Pendragon himself."
As Arthur made to question the existence of such a sword, Merlin added, "Well, almost exclusively. We had a few hiccups along the line." - to the world that never let you be, by Imperial Mint
Q: "I only ask, John, because I was hoping to get your help with something later on," Mrs Hudson took the flying ears in stride, something that the landlady of Sherlock Holmes would have to do, "I'm doing a little home improvement and I need someone with reach who is handy with a screwdriver. I'd ask Sherlock, but after the last time... you remember dear, we had no power or water for a week, and I'm still not sure how he did it. It took three electricians, two plumbers and a plasterer to put it all right again." - Disfunctional Antifunctional and ExFunctional, by grannysknitting
Q: [Merlin and Morgana confrontation, Merlin speaking]
"You mistook me all that time for a servant, and now still when you have bought me here, destroyed all I have ever had and declared yourself a winner, now still you think me just some small one trick conjurer."
Slowly he paced forward, eyes dark and clouded over by fury as he stalked closer. The familiarity of his plain clothes mocked the now cold powerful man that stood before her. Morgana saw the fury in those eyes coming for her and stepped back.
"Lady Morgana daughter of Uther, I am Lord Merlin Emrys last of the dragon lords and the prophesized protector of the Once and Future King. I am the most powerful Warlock that ever or will ever live and my one goal, the one thing that I will work for till the day I die is to make sure Arthur becomes the Greatest King the likes of which this world has never seen before. " - Her Weakness, His Advantage, by SummerQuill
Q: "I'll keep that in mind for the next time you go and get yourself killed," Merlin muttered darkly, but for the first time since the conversation started Arthur thought he saw the smallest hint of a smile.
"Merlin," Arthur said.
"How about this," Merlin said, "You don't die, and I won't rip down castles. Deal?"
It was quiet again. Then, Merlin said, "Did I really tear down the whole thing?"
"Yes," Arthur answered, "You don't remember?"
Merlin shook his head, "I just wanted Drake," he said, "I, uh, I just wanted everything that was in my way out of it."
"Oh," Arthur said, and considered the repercussions of loyalty strong enough to literally shake a fortress to its knees. Finding no clear cut response, said, "Just…don't do anything like that again."
(They both knew that he was lying.) - Exaggerations and Overreactions, by Ultra-Geek
Q: This was accompanied by the assertion that you couldn't run away from everything, although he still holds that it's a valid theory because even if you can't outrun whatever you're running away from, it will still be very tired by the time it catches up, assuming you're doing it right. And meanwhile, while it had been catching up, you'd probably found something useful to make it go away. - Fortunes and War, by Le'letha
Q: Fair's fair…at least, as fair as things get when you're dealing with the Doctor. He tends to win. Because he doesn't tell anyone else the rules, and then cheats. - Snipe Hunt, by Le'letha
Q: "Think about it, Doctor! That's why no-one's seen it or heard of it since it's been stolen - because you are about to have gone back in time to bring it straight here, from this afternoon to now - so it's physically nowhere for the twelve hours that we've been looking for it! Don't you see?" [Sherlock]
The Doctor looked from the man's paler face to the decking. "Well cover me in flour and eggs and bake me for twenty minutes," he marvelled. "I think you're right." Then he frowned. "But that would mean if I don't steal it now, none of this will have happened - it won't have gone missing twelve hours ago-"
"-And the alien will have it and cause havoc," Sherlock interrupted. "But it will happen because it already has!" he urged. "It's already been stolen because you haven't not yet already will steal it! You see!"
"It's so refreshing to talk to someone who understands time," [the Doctor] said to himself with a daffy grin. - The Adventures of the Missing Candlestick, by Mardy Lass
Q: "Potions on your first day, and the first thing in the morning no less." Cedric Diggory leaned on Harry's shoulder to peek at his timetable, shaking his head in mock sympathy. "I tell you. You guys are doomed."
Stebbins smacked him upside the head. "Stop terrifying the first years! Professor Snape is the Head of Slytherin House, naturally he will favor his house members. He might not be the nicest person, but as long as you are not in Gryffindor, he is all bark and no bite."
Cedric snorted loudly.
Stebbins ignored him. "Just remember. Don't protest when he docks house points for no reason."
"We don't care about house points anyway." Cedric explained.
"NEVER ask question in class." Stebbins said firmly. "He will only dock points."
"NEVER ask question after class." Cedric added. "He will dock even more points for asking foolish questions."
"Get teary-eyed if he's gone too far." Stebbins suggested to the girls.
"Don't actually cry in his presence." Cedric warned them. "He hates sobbing kids."
"Be grateful that you have Potions with Ravenclaw. Gryffindors have double potions with Slytherins on Friday mornings. " Stebbins concluded with a comforting smile, which sadly only unsettled them further. "Honestly, I know some of the professors seem a bit weird, but they are generally good and normal people."
The first years turned to the high table at the same time, just in time to see Quirrell staggering in the Great Hall, extremely pale like a chalk, swaying as if the purple turban on his head was too heavy to walk a straight line, and shrieked in terror when he realized the only vacant seat was the one next to Professor Snape.
So much for normality. - One Plus One Equals One, by nova-carta
Q: Gwaine hummed, and readjusted his position, wincing. "There's a thing," he said, "If Merlin is Emrys and Arthur wanted Emrys found, why were you two larking about in the forest?"
"To talk to a dragon, apparently," Lancelot said. Gwaine just stared at him, and the other knight shrugged again, and added, "I don't know, I got sent away before that part."
"Merlin gets to have all the fun," Gwaine grumbled. - The Next Seven Days, by Ultra-Geek
Q: "Gabriel's alive?"
...Crowley actually seemed marginally surprised as well, although that surprise was heavily outweighed by his amusement by, apparently, life in general.
"You can't tell me you're truly surprised Winchester. You may have missed it, but those who sacrificed themselves for your little cause had about a 70% chance of being resurrected. I challenge anyone who says God doesn't play favourites to look at you idiots and not change their mind."
...[Gabriel] "So what'd you call me for Sammy-boy? It sounded important."
Sam's gaze immediately darkened and he glanced at his feet where his brother lay, somehow unnoticed by Gabriel. Said Archangel took one look before letting loose a string of vitriol (some of which was in languages that Tony was certain didn't exist anymore) that made even Crowley's eyebrows touch his hairline in surprise, his mouth twisted in reluctant admiration.
"I leave you two alone for one year after the Apocalypse and already one of you is dead! For the love of Dad, how did you two even make it to adulthood?" - Of Hunters and Agents, by night flame miko
Q: "How's that invisibility shield you've been working on coming along? The one that the Brigadier ordered you to stop wasting resources on?"
"Sergeant, I'm surprised," the Doctor said, theatrically putting his hand over his left heart. "Like you just said, the Brigadier told me to stop working on it."
Benton didn't even blink. He simply stood there, staring expectantly at the Doctor.
The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "It's going fairly well," he said slowly. "It works for fives minutes or so before it . . . explodes is a strong word. Give me a second, and I'm sure I'll be able to think of one that fits better."
"No, that's fine," Benton said, holding up his hand. "I think that explodes probably describes it fairly well." - You Can't Teach an Old Time Lord New Tricks, by Settiai
Q: "That's it," Alec hissed, leaning his face close, "I'm topping tonight." - Alec Lightwood in a fanfiction on Devient Art called, "Maglec: Midnight Conversations"
Q: Cloud mused and then stood up. "I think I'll go an ask him; I need a break and I want to see the rest of the building anyway – no, Tseng, I don't want you to come along with me, you're intimidating and scare everyone away and I want to talk to people. Vincent's more than enough."
"Intimidating?" Tseng asked, almost sounding indignant.
"Obvious Turk," Vincent commented, from the lofty position of someone who looked a vampire escaped from a theatrical play. - Company, by esama
Q: They descended the spiral staircase, Zack leading the way and Cloud watching their rear. "So," Zack joked, "In little, backwoods Nibelheim there's a 'secret entrance' to a 'secret passage' that leads to a 'secret cave' that holds a 'secret lab' – and everyone in the village knows about it?"
"That's about it. There are no secrets in a small town, didn't you know?" - Making it Work, by Etrixan
Q: Mitchell had apparently had enough. "Annie, if he's really Loki, he's a Scandinavian trickster god."
"He's a what?"
George pitched in again. "We've been trying to fit into the neighbourhood, and you've got the Norse God of Mischief sitting in the front room eating a ham sandwich!"
Ah. So that was what this was. Loki cast an appreciative look at the foodstuff he was holding. -- Monsters: A Thor and Being Human crossover, by ConeycatJr
Q: Snarling, Kurt threw down his schoolwork and got up, stomping to the door and opening it just in time to see the twins screeching loudly down the hall with that chilling laughter, in highly detailed Joker costumes (one was the animated, one was the Dark Knight version). Wes and David were chasing after them as Batman and Nightwing respectively, pitching cranberry-juice loaded balloons with the respective insignias scrawled on them.
Kurt didn't even want to ask what was going on. Raising his voice to an angle calculated for distance, he yelled, "If you guys don't pipe down for at least the next two hours, so help me, I'm going to give all the cookies to Stuart House!"
With a satisfied smile, Kurt slammed his door shut and returned to his school work. - Dalton, by CP Coulter
Q: Kurt grinned from the back seat of his Navigator as he watched his dad and Carol converse over the blaring sounds of his music. The kids were having their own dance party in the back and the adults just had to deal with Lady Gaga. He bounced along to the beat of 'Bad Romance', but bounced for different reasons. He was excited! This was Kurt's first Pride Parade and he couldn't wait to see all the floats and attractions and people being happy for who they were. He voiced this to Mercedes who fixed him with a pointed stare.
"Boy, please, who do you think you're kidding? You're excited for all those fine gay men!"
Kurt pumped his fist in the air, "Oh, hell yes!"
Burt, who surprisingly heard their conversation over Gaga, "Oh, hell no."
"Aw, Dad, come on!"
"Yeah, Mr. H, this will probably be Kurt's only chance to get some action all year!" Mike was trying to be helpful, he really was. Didn't stop Mercedes from reaching into the backmost seat and smacking him.
"Yeah, so I should totally let my boy be petted by horny men." Kurt heard his father's sardonic tone and replied in kind.
"Dad, think of it this way. If you let me get it out of my system now, then I'll probably stop sneaking out Saturday nights to go to that gay bar on Pine St." Kurt smirked at Mercedes as she struggled to keep her laughter at bay.
"WHAT?" Carol screamed as Burt swerved a little into the next lane. Kurt and his friends burst into laughter.
"Mr. H., Kurt looks like a fetus. How is he supposed to get into a bar?"
Burt took in even breaths before replying, "Kurt, do that again and I guarantee I won't survive. Give your old man a break, k? You can talk to nice, young boys at the parade and maybe exchange e-mail addresses or something."
The rest of their ride consisted of many scenes like this one. - There is help, there is hope, by Loony4moony816
Q: "So they ask everyone who comes up with a song suggestion to basically have the entire number worked out in a week without actually trying it out as a group?"
"Think of it as a challenge boys." Blaine laughed. "And if you pull this off, the Council really won't have any reason to not consider any future suggestions from either of you."
"If? If we pull this off?" Kurt huffed. "We were not worried about if we could pull this off. We were only concerned about how to properly express our vision within the time constraints. Right Matthew?"
"Exactly." Matt nodded. "After pulling an entire set list for Sectionals together in an hour in the green room, a week seems like a luxury. It will just be hard when we can't call up the Cheerios to fill in where we need it."
"Wouldn't that just make life easier?" Kurt sighed.
"Wait. You pulled together a Sectionals set list in an hour?" Blaine asked incredulous. "An hour?"
"That's nothing." Matt laughed as he patted Blaine on the back. "The set list we had to replace? We only worked on it for a week." - The Genius of Water, by AdamPascalFan
Q: "SHHHH" Harry hissed. "We're next to a secret hide out."
"Whose secret hide out?" Hermione asked.
"I can't tell you. It's a secret and it's protected by a Fidelius charm. But this is the graveyard where Voldemort was resurrected, and Death Eaters have disappeared walking towards the top of that hill. You can probably make your own conclusions." - Harry Potter and the Evil Summer Vacation, by Meteoricshipyards
V for Vendetta:
Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.
–V's alliterative introductory monologue upon meeting Evey
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all lightbulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.
Tribble Master's profile
"There is an art – or rather a knack – to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Pick a nice day and try it.
The first part is easy; all it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt. That is, it's going to hurt, if you fail to miss the ground.
Most people fail to miss the ground and if they're really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard. Clearly it's the second point – the missing – which presents with the difficulties.
One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally; it's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're half way there, so that you're no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it. It is notoriously difficult to pry your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal – hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point, because they're unlikely to say anything helpful. They are most likely to say something along the lines of 'good God you can't possibly be flying'. It is vitally important not to believe them, or they will suddenly be right.
If however you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment (by say: a gorgeous pair of legs, tentacles, pseudopodia according to phylum and/or personal inclination) you will miss the ground completely.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the tree tops breathing regularly.
Do not wave at anybody.
When you've done this a few times you'll find the moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve." - Douglas Adams [Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Tertiary Phase]
Story summaries are hard to write. Very hard. Only 384 characters (and it used to be less) to properly express your multi-page monstrosities. Some people are very good at writing them, and some people just can't (and some waste all 384 characters apologizing for not being able to write summaries...which rather misses the point). And then there are the are those summaries which, no matter much you don't want to read another story, no matter how late it is, no matter that you have to get up tomorrow at 6am for school or work, there are some that are impossible to resist.
Here, in no particular order, are the best story summaries that I have found on FF.net. The stories are good too (don't get me wrong, the stories are great), but it's the summary that I remember about them.
S: "We can't help it, you two are entertaining. It's like watching reality TV, but far more intelligent and with more sexual repression." Wes was cradling a tub of popcorn. "Or a documentary on the mating rituals or lack thereof of gay teenagers." Klaine. - We'll All Float On, by klemonademouth, Glee fic
S: When Harry says 'oops', things tend to explode. But not this time. No, this time...well. Something else happened. - Oops, by SilverWolf7007, Harry Potter fic
S: Kurt is the canary whisperer. Blaine thinks it's charming. Wes thinks it's diabolical. For a prompt. - Do You Believe in Magic, by adi-rotynd, Glee fic
S: "If someone says 'split up and look for clues', I am going to kill them," Kurt said darkly. "And we can't afford to have another ghost on our hands," Wes said, in complete seriousness. - But You're Not Fooling Me, by bdrake07
S: Because there is a difference between good friends and best friends and this is what it is: Good friends will accept you when they find out you're a werewolf. Best friends will become animagi to keep you company. - In the Eyes of the Beholder, by fiercejinx
S: In the heat of the battle, he swore a blood oath to defeat Voldemort in every form. But when you factor in his understanding and abilities to travel to alternate dimensions, it presented the sort of problem only a Harry Potter could have. - Dimension Hopping for Beginners, by nonjon
S: In which Crowley attempts to cause mischief in Mississippi, and receives evidence that - just to be contrary - the Heavenly road crew had paved the path to their gates with bad intentions. - The Day of the Squirrel, by Lucillia
Best Quote Ever:
"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."
When in doubt, differentiate; and always keep your dimensions straight. - Richard Mitchell
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