FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination| 28mandy28 |
Okay so first, my name is Amanda, or Mandy for short and I live in the USA. I absolutely love fanfiction.net and the stupid little things everyone puts in their profile, as you can see from below. I am also obsessed with the little smilies that everyone types, like :D or :) or :P, etc. I am a bookworm and love the Harry Potter series and Twilight. For HP, my favorite pairings are Draco/Hermione and Blaise/Ginny. I hate the way that JKR wrote the epilogue because I absolutely hate the Ron/Hermione pairing and they are soooo not meant for each other. For Twilight, I love the pairings the way they are, especially Bella/Edward and btw, Bella/Jacob are sooo not meant to be. All of my friends agree that Bella/Edward is a WAY better pairing. I was totally disappointed with the Twilight movie, I mean Jasper and Emmett were way hotter than Edward in the movie, but in the book, SM portrayed Edward as the hottest. I mean really, make up your mind!! Plus, I absolutely hated Jacob in the book series and in the Twilight movie, I mean, how could he attempt to steal Bella from Edward when everyone knows they are meant to be? Thank god he didn't get her in the end, though I was furious that he imprinted on Renesmee... stupid werewolf. But then in the New Moon preview, Jacob was totally hottt. I mean really hott. I mean hotter than all of the Cullen boys once he cut his hair. Now I'm starting not to hate him as much :D... lol. I like Taylor Lautner better than Robet Pattinson. See my dilemma? Other books that I recommend reading would be: The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins, which btw i hate the Katniss/Peeta pairing, i prefer Katniss/Gale for some odd reason, hehe, Uglies/Pretties/Specials/Extras by Scott Westerfield, Maximum Ride Series by James Patterson (all 5), The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini, The Secret Under My Skin by Jane McNaughton, among many, many others that I'm way too lazy to name. I also like historical fiction books, so any and all books of that genre are my favs, though I prefer the American Revolutionary period. My favorite bands... hmmm. I don't really have any. I like current music like the top 40 songs and stuff but don't really have just one favorite. If I had to list some though, I really like Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Colbie Calliat, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and am starting to get into music by the Jonas Brothers and Justin Bieber. Yes, I know that it's kind of lame to like them, but I am a girl and they are hot and their music isn't that bad either, so haters leave. So, as you can tell I'm open to almost any type of music and any artist, with one huge, blaring exception. Two words, one person. Miley Cyrus. I absolutely, positively hate her. THE END.=) No really, I just don't like her and the things that she does. She just annoys me and the things that she does for attention absolutely disgust me. She was okay as Hannah Montana but now as she's trying to break off from Disney, she isn't the same role model for young girls that she used to be. Little girls look up to her and she just isn't a great role model. So, I don't listen to her music. And don't even get me started about her voice. Can the glass shatter a little more? lol =) But other than reading, writing, and music, I absolutely love sports, both playing and watching them. Basketball is by far my favorite sport of all time. As for teams, I really don't watch professional basketball but when I do watch the NBA I root for the Celtics and the WNBA would probably be either the Mercury or the Sun. However, I'm more of a college basketball kind of girl and I root for the Uconn Huskies. They are totally amazing. Though the guys are okay the girls kick butt. I love the whole team, though I've gotta say that Maya Moore is my absolute favorite. She is so awesome, clearly one of the best ever! I follow the Huskies like crazy and can't wait until the new season starts up! They are the best!! Okay, quick, funny story about my Uconn obsession. So, I was in Washington D.C. a little while ago, wearing my Uconn t-shirt, when this random guy goes, "So, you like the Huskies, eh?" I was kind of creeped out but I said, "Yeah". So, he goes on to tell me why the Uconn Men's basketball team is way better thank the women's team, which I totally disagree, but I'm just like, whatever and walk away, though it was soooo funny. I mean, it's one thing for people to argue over what team to root for, but a whole other thing for them to argue over which team, from the SAME school, is better. I mean, they don't even play each other!! Wow, what a loser. Anyway, I thought this was funny, but you guys are probably like, alright, get on with the profile already, if anyone even reads this at all :(. Football (de americano) and baseball are awesome sports too. My favorite team for baseball is the New York Yankees (dont hate me Red Sox fans, my dad and twin brother are also misguided into liking the Red Sox :P). Now I have bragging rights cuz who won the world series?? Yeah that's right! For all the haters, you're just jealous cuz your team lost :PPPP. For football I LOVE the New England Patriots. Kind of ironic right? I mean, what weirdo likes teams from New York and Massachusetts? That's ME!! LOL, such a rivalry (not just Red Sox/ Yanks but now Pats/ Giants after that stupid superbowl. I mean, (sorry Giants fans) but Eli Manning completely sucks. His brother, Peyton, is sooo much better, yet Eli is getting paid more than any other quarterback in the NFL. Eli just got lucky in the Superbowl. Brady and the Pats should've won that one, they were WAY so much better. It was soo stupid because the next day, all of these Giants lovers came out of the woodwork... The Patriots were and are still a better team than the Giants and the Pats are going all the way this year... they're soo going to win with Tom Terrific (lol) back and the receivers they have. I mean, they are loaded. This superbowl's New England's. :D On another note, I absolutely hate golf, soccer, and hockey. Could they think of more boring sports? I mean really, I like to see people score, not stand around a hit a little ball into a tiny hole (golf), or score like two goals a game and have the ball taken away from each other every two seconds (soccer and the same thing with hockey, only with a puck). Come on, could anyone think of anything more boring?? Sorry for my rant, but I can't stand those sports. :D So here are the little stupid things in everyone's profile that I love so much. (If you don't want to read them, skip all the way to the bottom :D). FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to bury the body of the person that made you cry. FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs. FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. REASONS WHY GIRLS ARE THE BEST: 1. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance (cha-ching!!). 2. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing (so true). 3. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 4. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 5. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 6. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. WAYS TO ANNOY YOU KNOW YOU LOVE TWILIGHT WHEN: I’ve developed a weird habit of biting people. I keep trying to kidnap Jasper, but Alice is always at his window with a bat. How does she kn…ohhh, right! All I want is a gorgeous, immortal, cold, silver Volvo owner that sparkles in the sunlight and bites me…is that too much to ask for? Blondes may have more fun, but Edward prefers brunettes! Ha! Go brunettes! Changed my name to Bella, moved to Forks, acted like a danger magnet…So where’s my Edward? Twilight Warning: This book may severe daydreaming, insanely high expectations for boyfriends, overactive imagination, drooling, and the belief that Edward Cullen is NOT fictional. I have been diagnosed with OCD: Obsessive Cullen Disorder. You haven’t read Twilight? Go shoot yourself in the foot! I poured glitter on my boyfriend so that he’d be just like Edward. Like you don’t gasp every time you see a silver Volvo. Screw being a princess, I want to be a vampire! Every time a guy ignores me, I know it’s just because he’s a vampire in love with me, and he is too polite to drink my blood. I jumped in front of a moving van to see if Edward would save me. And it hurt... Twilight Sayings from Icons: I cut out pages 73 - 381 of New Moon. Jacob can go die. I told my boyfriend I was going to give him the manual: "Everything there is to know about being the perfect boyfriend". I handed him Twilight. Lion + Lamb = Loch Ness Monster The Cullen boys; they just don't make them like that anymore. Bite me Cullen. Just do it. Emos make life hard for Jasper. I keep trying to kidnap Jasper, but Alice is always at his window with a bat, waiting for me. How does she kn- Ohh...riiiiiiight... Twilight - yeah, I tried reading other books...but then I got bored when no vampires showed up. I'm having troubles dealing with the fact that Edward Cullen is a fictional character. Twilight - giving hope to clumsy girls everywhere. I read Twilight and wasn't addicted...until I got to the second page... Team Edward - Because Jacob doesn't sparkle Edward Cullen - Better than you since 1901. Only a vampire can love you forever... I want to marry Edward Cullen. Do I care that he's fictitious? No. But I'm not sharing, either. Edward. Better than Jacob. End of story. You haven't read Twilight?! You fail at life. That's how I like my men: Cold, dead, and sparkly. Team Edward - because we wish all guys were this perfect. Cullenism. My new religion. Twilight made me realize: regular boys aren't good enough. For Christmas, I want a shiny new Volvo...with a vampire in the front seat. Bella: Bite me. Edward: Is that an insult or an invitation? Dear Jacob, I win. Sincerely, Edward. My Twilight Promise: I promise to remember Bella To stay sane: Say "in accordance to the prophecy" after all of your sentences... lol plus its totally hilarious Roses are red, When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Darn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: -I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool! 1. YOUR REAL NAME: Amanda 2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Amaizzle 3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Pink Lamb 4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (Middle name and current street name): Nicole Strawberry 5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (The first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of your mom's maiden name): Ramameib 6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Purple Pepsi 7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of your siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Mmitame 8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name): Denise 9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets) Black Unknown ( i dont have a pet...lol) 10. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (fruit, and something that can go wrong) Cherry Riot 11. YOUR PIRATE NAME: (color, pirate accessory) Red Patch This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! Bold the ones that apply to you! 63/100 apply to me. 1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out 5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking 8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand 29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk You know you live in 2009 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile. If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile. Copy and paste this on your bio if you think there should be a national holiday devoted to chocolate. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow—but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released—and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now … ／l、 Yaaaay kitty! This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your -- The English Language-- There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn't canine. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? English is a silly language ... it doesn't know if it is coming or going!! In Honor of Stupid People In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap," (and that would be how??...) On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought??...) On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time)? On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because??...) On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what)? On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious) On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?) On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Oh my ...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my readymade fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole! For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is downloading all of Twilight and New Moon off the books on C.D. from the library, and listening to them over and over again. Crazy is when you start getting antisocial because you want to read instead of hanging out with your friends. Crazy is when you laugh about how Edward Cullen thinks Bella is DEAD in New Moon, even though it's a very serious matter, and your sister hears you and asks why you're laughing so loud and you tell her and she just cries about it because she thinks it's sad. Crazy is when you head bang to a slow song, or become obsessed with the song "Let it Die" by Three Days Grace because it reminds you of Edward Cullen for some odd reason. Crazy is naming your winter jacket Mr. Puffy and your best friend naming hers Mrs. Puffy and letting them marry for the winter. Then at the end of the winter, they both retire and divorce each other. Crazy is when you are taking a math test and go over on your scrap sheet of paper to work out the problem, and start drawing spirals until the teacher goes five minutes left! Crazy is having a major argument with your friend...and I mean major...it's still going on and it has already been a year...about which one is better: pudding or jello. Crazy is when you start laughing until you butt falls off for no apparent reason and your mom comes in the room and goes like, "What the hell is going on?" Crazy is if you suddenly yell, 'PARTY IN MY TUMMY!' and everyone stares at you in Pre-Algebra class. Crazy is when you try to email Stephanie Meyer to hurry up and write Midnight Sun otherwise your dad will beat the crap out of her. REASONS WHY A BANANA IS A DEADLY WEAPON OF WAR: 1.) Brutal weapon: Hit someone with it. It'll make you feel better. :D 2.) It's healthful: Eat it. It's good for you. 3.) Can be used for stealth reasons: Take peal and place it on the ground. Someone walks by. They slip. No proof it was you. 4.) Round up new recruits: Go deep into forest with a guy who can speak ape/monkey. Find an ape/monkey. Give bananas as peace offering. They take bananas, and in return, join and fight in your army. ;) YOUR GUY SIDE: (bold applies to me) You love hoodies. TOTAL: 10/25 YOUR GIRL SIDE: (bold applies to me) You wear lip gloss/chapstick. You smile a lot more than you should. TOTAL: 18/24 (Wow it's a good thing that I'm more of a girl than a boy seeing that I am a girl...lol) FOR PEOPLE BEING STALKED BY A STALKER: READ!! The only way to rid yourself of a stalker, is to stalk the stalker. (Don't really attempt, if this stalker is the sick rapist murderer type... Yeeaaahhh... :D) GO TO http://www.google.com/AND TYPE IN: Google Chuck Norris THEN CLICK THE: I'm feeling lucky! THING! READ THE WORDS ON THE SCREEN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS A PICTURE OF A GIANT RUBBER DUCKY! -Squeals!- http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/news/pail13.jpg Ways You Can Tell You Are A Sad Sack You get fired from your job at McDonalds. A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste into your profile. For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.) I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. copy and paste if you agree. I Am That Girl I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people calls her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. (If you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone) I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. The best place to hide is in plain sight. I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless. If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth. Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Boys are like trees -they take 50+ years to grow up. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Life was so simple when boys had cooties. I ran with scissors, and lived! "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton. I hear voices, and they don't like you. I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. (Friend or Money !) Death is hereditary. There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side. A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. "When life gives you lemons, make grape soda and let the world wonder how you did it." "When life gives you lemons, hand them back and say 'make your own damn lemonade'." "Before you insult someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you do insult them you are a mile away and you have their shoes." "(Band teacher to farting kid) Now if only we could get the tubas to reach that pitch..." "Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator." "Caffeine first, saving the world later." "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it." "SOS-Save our Sasuke" "SOS-Save our Spaghetti" "SOR-Save our ramen" "Who ever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree." "I used to have a handle on life, but it broke." "Being pissed off is WAY better than being pissed on." Build a bridge and get over it. "When you close the fridge, does the light really go off?" "Good morning, star shine, the earth says hello!" "Don't assume, it makes an ass out of you and me. " If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Strangers have the best candy. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way. Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to. Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train! I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth. If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway. If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk! Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done. DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense. Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free! Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window! Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard. Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with Braille on them. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'! The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it. It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with. Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it. ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait. I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed. I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake. If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress? I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn´t explain away afterwards. It´s funny- the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up. Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. I would rather you hate me for everything i am, then have you love me for something i'm not. It's mind over matter. If i don't mind you, then you don't matter. Beer is proof God loves us - Benjamin Franklin When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. YAY!! "Whatever you do, follow your heart- Just take your brain with you!" "Big girls don't cry- we get even" "You can fall from a tree, and you can fall from a cliff. But the best way to fall, is to fall in love." "When I was in grade school they asked me to write what i wanted to be when I grew up. I said happy. They said I didn't understand the assignment. I say they didn't understand life." Whoever said money can´t buy happiness doesn´t know where to shop. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Death is inevitable; don't fear it; love it, embrace it, stare at while it confronts you then turn around and run away, screaming for daddy. Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. I smile because I have no idea what's going on! I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator! I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... Be a loser! Because being cool is so overrated! It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it? Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse? Edward is a perfect angel: God created angels: Carlisle created Edward into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. That and everyone of us woke up, saw Carlisle and thought he was God. All the good guys are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books. Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, my dear children, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. My goal in life is to have everyone I ever come in contact with to fall in love with the Twilight series, and, more importantly, EDWARD!! I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back! I'm not paranoid...WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?! If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. Success = Failure! When life hands you lemons, chuck 'em back at the guy who was demented enough to give them to you. Liar, liar, pants on fire, hanging from a cellphone wire. "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe. If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate. Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet, they won't bother you for weeks. Some people are like a slinky..not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. If someone says there are a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if someone say that there is wet paint somewhere you have to touch it? Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. Don't frown, even when you’re sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? "God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any. No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? If you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window! If two wrongs don't make a right, try three Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese, there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. it's ether my mum or dad. or my older brother Colin. or my younger brother ho-chan-chu. but I think it's Colin. there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when no one is looking. Sarcasm: just one of the services I offer. I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply, just being one. When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say. I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. I can resist everything except temptation. Fake is the latest trend, and everyone seems to be in. I’m too busy to be organized. I’ve got nothing to say, don’t make me say it twice. It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on. My Reality Check bounced. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose. Perfect the art of looking innocent... then you can get away with anything. When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. If daddy ain’t happy, don’t nobody care. When you’re right no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one ever forgets. Laws were meant to be broken; Lawyers are for when you get caught. Rules, what rules? Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other off. You're only as strong as the table you dance on, the drinks you mix and the friends you roll with. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s, she changes it more often. My door is always open, so feel free to leave. Not all men are idiots, some are fools. Hate: a special kind of love given to people that suck. If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you. If you have any questions, ask someone else. Shock me, say something intelligent I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it. Normal people worry me. I’ve lost my mind. If you A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. see it by the side of the road please pick it up. Love is like the wind... you can’t see it, but you can feel it. Love is like war: easy to start, hard to end, and impossible to forget. It takes a minute to like someone, an hour to know someone, a day to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers. Why are the Force and duct tape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together. Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon. I think you're breaking my Gay-dar Don't settle for the one person you can live with...wait for the one person you can't live without. My head is saying "Who cares?" but my heart is saying "You do stupid!" You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on. I'm one of those really bad things that happens to undeserving people. Don't lie. The government hates competition. I wear black because I'm mourning your existence. Who ever said that nothing was impossible clearly never tried to slam a revolving door. 1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems. Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls Those who cannot remember the past are going to spend a lot of time in mall parking lots looking for their cars (or in parking garages...lol) There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. :D (who ask stupid questions) They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people. When life gives you lemons throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes. All ways forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more. "It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face." "Give credit when desired." There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE it's weird. Questions Why Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead? Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they already know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet? Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?” Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery" Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why Why is their Braille on the drive up ATM machine?? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the park way? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup? Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there? Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends? If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible? Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but it's ok to use a handicapped toilet? Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat? Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? I mean DUH! Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?? Can mute people burp? What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn? Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with? How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play? Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside? Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable? Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars? Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue? Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin? Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back? Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? Why can't you get a tan on your palms? If you're sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June? Why do dogs sniff other dog’s butts to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something? Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free? If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it? You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights? Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down? Why is a square meal served on round plates? Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1? Which way does a compass point in space? Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked? Why do all superheroes wear spandex? If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes? Why did Mary own a little lamb? If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money? If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man? Why are Pringles curved? What happens if your snot freezes in your nose? Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are? Do they lie? If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops? Why is it that it's good to score under par in golf but it's bad to be “under par” in anything else? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? Have you ever been captured by evil squirrels and taken to their secret squirrel hideout, but rescued by your vampire love, who ran around with a machine gun shouting die squirrels, die? Are you ever worried about the fact that your stalker isn't stalking anymore? If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? If you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window! Why does an 'X' stand for kiss? If olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from? If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?' Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? How is it possible to have a civil war? If a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? "Cute as a button." Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Are marbles made of marble? If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get your money back? (Granted you lived) If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? Can you get cornered in a round room? If you're scared to swim but love water, how does that make sense? if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from? Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat? Okay now, I'm done... finally and if anyone actually read the whole thing, kudos to you and thanks, because it took FOREVER to get all of this on here! If you have any questions about myself or want to yell at me for the wrong choice of teams/pairings to support, just PM me, I'd be happy to answer or respond!! Also, if you have any ideas for a Harry Potter story that I should write (Dramione preferred please), I was thinking of writing my first story, but have no ideas yet, so it'd me awesome if someone could inspire me... LOL THANKS -AMANDA :D:D:D:D:D:D:D | |||||||
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