Hi! I'm Jojo (Jordan but i don't like my name so my friend gave me that and that's what everyone calls me) and i love to write! I am obsessed abotu anything Twilight and i love to read anything about Twilight!! I love storys that are all human, vampire, ones where Edward leaves Bella pregnant and then meet up later so i have oens like that in my favs so chem em out!!

OK so you're supposed to give a description about yourself right? Well i think this might make it easier!!

Your Weakness:

chocolate, Twilight, Twilight fanfics, and love storys (so girly right?)

Your Fears:

being all alone inlife

Your Perfect Pizza:

ham and cheese w/ a lot of crust

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:

get a 'A' in math (stupid cursed subject)

Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:

lol

Thoughts First Waking Up:

shut up stupid alam clock

Your Best Physical Feature:

i don't know

Your Bedtime:

10:00 but sometimes 11:00 (don't tell daddy)

McDonald's or Burger King:

mcdonals lovvee the mcflurries but thats it

Chocolate or Vanilla:

Chocolate!

Do you Smoke:

no i thinks stupid

Will you Smoke:

no i was raised by a cop

Do you Swear:

yeah haha

Do you Sing?

yes

Do you Shower Daily:

yuppers

Do you behave yourself:

maybe...

Do you get Motion Sickness:

Nope!

Do you think you are Attractive:

darling, im not JUST attractive! im gorgeous ;D LOL

Are you a Health Freak:

no but my mom is trying to get my family to be healthier

Do you get along with your Parents:

mostly

Do you like Thunderstorms:

not really

Do you play an Instrument:

yes used to play flute recorder and violin but now i play guitar

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:

nope raised by a cop remember

In the past month have you gone to a Mall:

YES! I'M A SHOPPING ADDICT!! haha

In the past month have you eaten Sushi:

Nope

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:

nope

What do you want to be when you Grow Up:

actress/singer or a teacher

What country would you most like to Visit:

Italy and France!!

Number of CDs I own:

i only own about 4 but i have an ipod so i don't buy Cds

Fave Food:

don't have one but i like Italian!

Fave Music:

all diffrent types

What do your feet smell like?

umm idk?

What does your hair smell like?

like strawberrys!

Can you clap with your feet?

uhh...noo

Have you seen purple cows?

No but in my dreams i have!

If you have had 10 Mountain Dews, what would you be like?

oh god...>=)

When you think of the words "George Bush", what comes to your mind?

George Washington portrait pops in my head haha

W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
want to pierce my nose when i'm older

2. Be serious or be funny?
funny!

3. Drink whole or skim milk?:
skim milk

4. Die in a fire or drown?
umm isn't that nice...

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?

emeimies its so much fun to make annoy them and make fun of them! (p.s. my parents are boring!!)

D O . Y O U . P R E F E R.

1. Sun or moon?:
moon!

2. Leaf-bare or Leaf-fall?
what?

3. Left or right?
right

4. Ten acquaintances or five best friends?:
best friends

5. Sunny or rain:
rain!

6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?
chocolate

A B O U T . Y O U.

1. What time is it?:
9:59

2. What do you want to do?
read stuff on FF

3. Where do you wanna live?
Beverly Hills but i still live in California

4. How many kids do you want?
three

5. Do you want to get married?
yes

6. have you ever done drugs?
no raised by a cop

7. what do you like on your pizza?

cheese and ham

8. Can you cross your eyes?
sometimes to scare my friend hehe

9. Do you make your bed daily?
nope

R A N D O M.

1. Which shoe goes on first?
right

2. Ever thrown a shoe at someone?

yeah my converse at my brother fro being an a-hole haha

3. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
twirl

4. Have you ever eaten Spam?
no icky!

5. Favorite ice cream?
mint or something with chocolate

6. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet?
too many to count

7. Do you cook?
i can but i choose not to

8. Current mood?

calm

IN . THE. LAST. 48 HOURS. HAVE. YOU.

1. kissed some one?
yup

2. Sang?

yup

3. Been hugged:
yup

4. Felt stupid:
definately

5. Missed someone:
no

6. Danced Crazy?
no

7. Gotten your hair cut?
no i got my hair cut last week though

8. Cried:
nope

9. been kissed:
a real kiss? nope

. S T U F F .

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
no i have not but my dad will go throguh my purse to get gum sometimes lol

2. Do you have a Dog?

One

3. Do you have a cat?

no

4. The last time you've been sledding?

never been sledding

5. Do you consider yourself creative?

i reallly don't know

6. Do you have any friends on FF.net?

nope

T7. Do you know anybody in real life from FF.net

nope

8. Where are you?

my room

9. Look up, then look back, what do you see?

a celing and wall

10. What are you listening to right now?

my playlist

11. Last thing you ate?

ice cream =) yumm

12. Last thing you thought?

umm i was listening to a song in my head

13. You have a million dollars what do you do?

hehe... don't get me started..

14. What are you eating/drinking right now?

nothin

2. What is the first thing you say in the morning?
go away!

3. Your teacher is...
most of them are bitchy but not my elective and english teacher

4. What's written on your classroom's blackboard?
idk i don;t pay attention

5. How would you describe your next door neighbors? old ugly mean and rude!

What would your best friend say about you?
hmmm idk a retard maybe...

7. How do you feel right now?
tired

8. What's on your bedside table right now?
crap that i don't feel like like typing

9. What did you do when you woke up this morning?
watched TV

10. When you open your wardrobe you see...
clothes

11. What did you say after you last attended a concert?
lets do that again!

12. If you had to write a Twilight FanFiction right now, what would the title be?
idk

13. A song you would sing at your school's taent show would be...
did you forget?-demi lavoto

14. Your life's theme song is...
The best day- Taylor Swift and girls just wanna have fun-cindy lauper

15. How would you describe what you are doing this moment?
fillling this out haha

16. If you had to go and jump off a building, what would your last words be?
i wish i die and be loved and remembered for good things. i loved you life (wow i'm a softie!!)

17. Your motto is...
give me what i want and nobody gets hurt!

18. If you could buy anything in this world you'd buy...
hmm...TAYLOR LAUTNER!! haha in my dreams!

19. What did you dream about last night?
my friend being a drug addict and put heroin in me and i became an addict and going to my 4th grade teacher for help and babysitting her granddaughter and becoming healthy

20. Any last words?
caio!!

Name: Jojo

Age: not saying anymore

Living: Do you need to know?

Favorite Color: purple, blue, green, and black

Favorite fruit: oranges and apples haha very original!

Favorite band: don't have one!

Favorite country: Italy, England, and France. Practically all of Europe haha!

Favorite movie: , Twilight movies, walk to remember, speak, secret life of the bees, and a lot others!

Favorite song: Monster-Meg and Dia and Down-Jay Sean and lil'Wayne

Favorite book: Twilight SAGA :)

Best Friend: too many to count!

Eye Color: brown

Why I write: Because it's fun and i think i'm good at it

Style: IDK, jeans and tee usually

Least Fav. Color: Pink

Least Fav. Band: Jonas brothers

Least Fav. Fruit: idk maybe...plums! idk

Least Fav. Country: Arabia

Least Fav. Movie: Fame

Least Fav. Song: IDK

Least Fav. Book: Clay Marble or BAT 6

Least Fav. Friend: Kenxie

1. Find a globe. Spin it. What does it say?

no globe

2. Find a book. Turn to page 57, line 18, word 6. What does it say?

New Moon- in

3. What can you hear right now?

The computer's hum and cars dircing by

4. Have a conversation with the closest thing to you other than yourself.

me: hi New Moon Edward why did u leave?! >:(

NEW Moon: idk how am i suppoed to know?! SM made me!!

5. Turn on the T.V. What show is on?

nothing

6. Type your name with your elbow.

jmlordan-- That was freakY!

7. What happened last time you were typing here on this computer?

I typed Jordan with my elbows didn't I?... or at least tried

8. Stand up. Close your eyes. Spin around three times. Stop. Open your eyes. What's the first thing you see?

Twilight Poster!! YAY TWILIGHT!! XD

I'm Team Edward!!

It's true, Edward Cullen prefers BRUNETTES.

Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken

I'm in 7th grade. Don't say i don't belong on here cuz i understand!!

I love to read fanfics

My favorite sports are gymnastics and dance.

My favorite activites are to play my guitar

And i am random and love random!! haha

º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨

¨°º¤ø„¸ I LOVE ¸„ø¤º°¨

¸„ø¤º°¨ TWILIGHT º¤ø„¸

¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤

... Put this on your

... page if you have

...O ever pushed a

... door that said pull

99.9 percent of girls would be dead if Edward Cullen decided breathing wasn't cool. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you would be in the background with another Cullen boy, laughing or crying at all of the girls jumping off the same cliff Bella did.

97 percent of teenage girls are bringing sexy back. copy and paste if you're one of the 3 percent that believe sexy never... left!!

Girl: Do I ever cross ur mind?

Boy: No. Girl: Do u like me?

Boy: Not really.

Girl: Do u want me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would u live 4 me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose -- me or ur life.

Boy: My life. The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason u never cross my mind is becuz ur always on my mind..

The reason y I don't like u is becuz I love u. The reason I don't want u is becuz I need u.

The reason I wouldn't cry if u left is because I would die if u left.

The reason I wouldn't live for u is becuz I would die 4 u.

The reason y I'm not willing to do anything 4 u is becuz I would do everything 4 u.

The reason I chose my life is becuz u R my life.

Find a guy whos calls you beautiful instead of hot,

Who calls you back when you hang up on him,

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,

Who holds your hand in public and in front of his friends and family.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he loves you and how lucky he is to have you.

Guy's point of view
(Here's the take on relationships from a guy's POV. NOT MINE)

We don't care if you talk to other guys.We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room
and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it's
off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without
even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a
little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we
freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.
LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say 'thank you.'
Kiss us when no one's watching.(If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.)
You don't have to get dressed up for us.If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the
need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you
own.
We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.
Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's
or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
Don't take everything we say seriously.Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is
in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care.
You have girlfriends for
that.
Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'.I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.
On the other hand im not sayin i wouldn't like it ether.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do (A real boyfriend):
When she walks away from you mad, follow her
When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her
When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and dont let go
When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong
When she ignore's you, Give her your attention
When she pull's away, Pull her back
When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying, Just hold her and dont say a word
When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared, Protect her
When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steal's your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesnt answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay
When she look's at you with doubt, Back yourself up
When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand
When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tell's you a secret, keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does
When she misses you, she's hurting inside
When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away
When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
Tease her and let her tease you back
Stay up all night with her when she's sick
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
Give her the world
Let her wear your clothes
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
Let her know she's important
Kiss her in the pouring rain
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking babe?"

Holdin Hands-
Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

Cuddling-
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

Movies-
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

Loving each other-
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into
her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too...
And mean it.

Laying below the stars-
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. Now make a wish about something you would like to happen Between you and your crush...

Guys repost this if you agree.

Girls repost this if you think it's cute.

"The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and cover me with clothes. Don't let it find me."

.: There's three ways to do things:.
.: The right way :.
.: The wrong way :.
.: And my way, which is wrong too, but faster!:.

I'm a BRUNETTE and I'm a cutie,

Mess with me and I'll kick your booty,

Redheads are smart,

Blondes think they're cool,

Well think again,

'Cause BRUNETTES rule!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

~Copy and Paste this if u find this touching~

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur profile!

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or the vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you think your best friend is insane, put this in your profile.

Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and prode of it, put this in your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, put it in your profile..

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the brand "volvo" you freak out and start giggling uncontrolably and then people stare at you funny copy and paste this onto your profile

If you pray that Jasper takes off his shirt in he fight scene in eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that Jasper absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like your men (or women for those male readers) cold, dead, and sparkling, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Seriously wtf?)

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile

93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile

If you have ever fallen up the sairs copy this on your profile

If you've ever sung a song you hated so much, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are totally in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward Cullen, put this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you're on the computer, paste this on your profile.

If you have ever pasted anything on your profile, paste this on your profile.

If you aren't me, paste this on your profile.

If you have a profile, paste this on your profile

If you don't use Myspace and are proud enough to make it public, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear baiting, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

If you KNOW the voice in your head is real, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you are insanely weird, copy this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

If you just sung them both in your head and feel like an idiot, put this in your profile

If gum has ever fallen out of your mouth while you were talking, copy this into your profile

If gum has ever fallen out of your mouth when you weren't talking, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever put an ipod up to your ear to listen to the music, copy this into your profile. (don't ask)

If you don't review, I won't write. If I don't write, you won't review. If you think people should review after they read, copy this into your profile.

If you had the patience to read this whole thing, copy and paste .

(\)_(/)
(='.'=)This is Bunny.
(")_(")

Twilight Oath

I promise to remember Bella

Each time I carelessly fall down

And I promise to remember Edward

Whenever I'm out of town

I promise to obey traffic laws

For Charlies sake of course

And I promise to remember Jacob

When my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Carlisle

Whenever I am in the emergency room

And I promise to remember Emmett

Everytime there's a huge boom

I promise to to remember Rose

Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty

And I promise to remember Alice

When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me

I promise to remember Nessie

When I see that beautiful bronze hair

And I promise to remember Esme

When someone tells me they care

I promise to remember Jasper

Whenever my stomach isn't curled

And I promise to remember the Volturi

When someone speaks of dominating the world

Yes, I promise to love Twilight

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the Twilighters know

~Copy and paste this on your profile if you're a true Twilighter/Fanpire/etc...~

--Edward Cullen is bringing sexy back; sorry justin.

This is a true story:

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless piece of s!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the little girl
Lying dead on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

(add this to your profile if your against child abuse)

I want child abuse to stop! and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile Thank you to flamin. guitarist for posting this in your profile and for letting others read it.

My name is sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cant see,
must be stid I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me
I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked
All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid
I'm sradishing to cry
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door
He's already locked it
And I sradish to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor
My name is Sarah
I am but three
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me

CHILD ABUSE...MAKE IT STOP!!Please, be aware that child abuse happens everyday, and it isn't just physical, it's emotional too, and sometimes that hurts more than a beating from your parents. Physical abuse scars you on the outside and that pain will go away, but emotional abuse scars you on the inside and the pain of being called worthless never goes away. So please, help stop the abuse.

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm AUSTRIAN, so I must be exactly like HITLER and think like a NAZI
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil (So I’ve been told)
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSS DRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER.

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I write Fanfics, so I MUST be a freak.

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

Did you know...

kissing is healthy.bananas are good for period pain.it's good to cry.chicken soup actually makes you feel better.94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.lying is actually unhealthy.you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.chocolate will make you feel better.most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.a good friend never judges.a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.boys aren't worth your tears.we all love surprises

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the tiune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

then copy and paste this in your profile

If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...

"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

So true!

Okay All these thiIf you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this into your profile!ngs apply to me :)

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

I walk in the rain- others just get wet! Copy and paste if you walk in the rain!

If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.

If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, put this into your profile.

If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this into your profile.

If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with over 30 characters from books...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

I basically loved most of these so i just copyed them from Kiki121's Profile..Hope she doesnt mind

is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this into your profile.

GREAT QUOTES:

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.

Some people are alive today simply because it is illegal to kill them.

I used all my sick days, so I called in dead...

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, 'cuz if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me!

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!

When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really? Who likes lemons?

When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over!

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to!

I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.

Step one: Tell the truth. Step Two: Run.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

When in doubt, make up words!

Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!

Come to the dark side, we have cookies!

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole!

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... though I'm not so sure about the universe.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.

WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

Yes, I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much.

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot, Survivors will be shot again.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Ever wonder...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

Friend Vs. Best Friend!

A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on your back and forces you to stay down...

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, " You will die in seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

A good friend calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Sir. A best friend calls your parents DAD and MUM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.

A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

A good friend will help you find your way when you're lost. A best friend will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map and giving you bad directions.

A good friend will help you learn to drive. A best friend will help you roll the car into the lake so you can collect insurance.

A good friend will watch your pets when you go away. A best friend won't let you go away without them.

A good friend will go to a concert with you. A best friend will kidnap the band with you.

A good friend hides you from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after you in the first place.

A good friend lets you make an idiot of yourself in public. A best friend is up there with you making an idiot out of herself too

And more-

Twilight - yeah, I tried reading other books...but then I got bored when no sexy vampires showed up.
I'm having troubles dealing with the fact that Edward Cullen is a fictional character
I read Twilight and wasn't addicted...until I got to the second page...

O.C.D.= Obsisssive Cullen Disorder

Team Edward - Because Jacob doesn't sparkle
Edward Cullen - Better than you since 1901.

You know you're obsessed with Twilight when you read "The End" and cry.
(The sad thing is, this happened to me...) (Lol ditto)

Screw being a princess. I wanna be a vampire.

Edward Cullen. Dammit! Why aren't you real?!

You haven't read Twilight?! You fail at life.
Team Edward - because we wish all guys were this perfect.

Cullenism. My new religion.
Not now; I'm too busy thinking about Twilight.

Twilight isn't everything, but it's right up there with breathing.

For Christmas, I want a shiny new Volvo...with a vampire in the front seat.

I told my boyfriend I was going to give him the manual: "Everything there is to know about being the perfect boyfriend". I handed him Twilight.
Cedric didn't die. He became a vampire!

Bite me Cullen. Just do it.

Bella: Bite me.
Edward: Is that an insult or an invitation?

Dear Jacob,
I win.
Sincerely,
Edward.

Edward Cullen is good at everything. Think about that one for a second.

Bella Swan does not approve of your fantasizing about her husband.

I keep trying to kidnap Jasper, but Alice is always at his window with a bat, waiting for me. How does she kn- Ohh...riiiiiiight...

When life gives me lemons, I throw 'em back and demand Edward.

I spend 50 of my time reading Twilight (or Twilight fics), 30 of my time thinking about Twilight, 10 talking about Twilight, and another 10 waiting for someone else to bring it up so I can talk about it more.
(It's sad how true this is for me...)

I'm a Twilight fan. That means I'm way cooler than you.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. But, if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

Heaven won't take me, Hell's afraid I'll take over.

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.

Kill the living and raise the dead.

You call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing.

Being mature is overrated.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

We're not sarcastic, we're hilarious. We're not annoying, we're just cooler than you. We're not bitches, we just don't like you. We're not obsessed, we're just best friends.

I'm not afriad of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?

It doesn't matter whether the glass if half-full or half-empty. Just drink the damn thing and get it over with.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

Person One: I Know you are, but what am I?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily.

1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children

2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping

4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap

12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required

14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use

Okay, for the following jokes, i mean no offense to the blonde community. I even have a few blonde friends, and they all rock and are smart, so NO OFFENSE. I'm just posting them here because I think they are quirky and some are funny. NO OFFENSE.

This blonde is driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat.

A Brunette and a Blonde were talking the Brunette says "I was listening to Eminem last night" thr Blonde says "You were listening to candy?!"

She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while.

When she can't stand it any more, she calls out to the blonde in the field,
'Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?'

The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, 'Because it is an ocean of wheat.'

The blonde standing at the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field,

'It is dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.'

The blonde in the field just shrugs her shoulders and begins rowing again.

The blonde on the side of the road is beside herself and shakes her fist at the blonde in the field yelling,
'If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.

The first blonde said, 'These look like deer tracks,'
and the other one said, 'No they look like moose tracks.'

They argued and argued for a quite while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

One day this blonde calls her friend and says,
'Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't even figure out how to start it.'

Her friend asks, 'What is it a puzzle of?'

The blonde says, 'From the picture on the box, it's a tiger.'

Well, the friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the pieces spread all over the table.

He studies them for a moment, then studies the box.

He turns to her and says, 'Well, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.'

She asks, 'Oh, how come?'

He says, 'Look, never mind, let's just relax, have a cup of coffee and we'll put all these cornflakes back in the box.'

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

How do you drown a blonde?
put a mirror at the bottom of a pool (jacob said this!)

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Why do blondes have 'TGIF' written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said 'Disneyland Left' so they turned around and went home.

A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies' room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, 'Welcome to the ladies' room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!'

The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, 'I think I'm the most beautiful of us three' and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.

The redhead stepped up and said, 'I think I'm the most talented of us three,' and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Jaguar in her hands.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, 'I think...' and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.

Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash the blonde ran out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, 'I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a blind policeman!'

Person One: You want to fight me?
Person Two: That depends, do you want to lose?

I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I'll kill you until you die from it!

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder.

47.5 of statistics are made up on the spot.

If you can't fix it with ducktape you haven't used enough.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

There are people I would take a bullet for, and people I would like to put a bullet in.

Friends are God's way of apologzing for our families.

If you do it you'll regret it, if you don't do it you'll regret it, you might as well do it.

People are like slinkies, not really good for anything, but still bring a smile to you face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

I don't hate all people just the ones I have met.

Yes I do specialise in Randomness.

I suffer from M.H.L.D. Mad Hysterical Laughing Disorder.

My mother never saw the irony of calling me son of a bitch. -- Soo Sirius xDD

Why is it that when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us we're thrown in the loony bin?

There are a few ways to silence the screams. Bullets happen to be one of the more efficient methods.

Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&! upside the head.

If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Words can't hurt you unless the person saying them writes them on an anvil and drops it on your head.

I have no preference. I hate everyone equally.

Once I had a handle on life; then it broke.

Good night, America. I'll see you in your dreams. I'll be the insane clown hovering over your bed with a knife.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

And if you look closely to your left, you can see my sanity zooming away. Wave goodbye!

Me? Breaking the rules? No. I test their elasticity.~ --This is soooo like the Marauders

Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why.

If you needed help in killing yourself, you could have asked. I'd be happy to oblige.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten .

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hated me. He told me I was being ridiculous. Everyone hadn't met me yet.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.-- Sirius.. So Sirius..

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

If you expect the unexpected does that make the unexpected expected?

My secret identity is GOD... You may have heard of me...

Rule #1: I'm never wrong. Ruler #2: When in doubt, refer to Rule #1.

I smile because you're my sister. I laugh because there's nothing you can do about it.

It's not that I'm afraid to die; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The police are looking for a suspect described as funny, sexy and great in bed. Your ugly ass is safe but where should I hide?

Everyone has a photographic memory... Some just don't have film.

All of those who beleive in telekenisis. Please raise my hand.

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!

Well know you kidna get a taste of my personality so all i ahve to say is PEACE!!

Sorry but i'm supersticious!: This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

there were 3girls

They were looking through peoples
MySpaces.

The girl slowly came upon this one
myspace.

It had creatures in the background and the man
looked like a psycho.

She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.

Right then, an instant message came up.

It said:

SatanStalker: So how do u like my
MySpace??

XxLoVemExX: What??

XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??

SatanStalker: Well, you should know;
youre looking at my MySpace right now.

XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??

SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.

XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make
any sense, how?

SatanStalker: I just do.

Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you.

Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say.

At the time the girl was wearing high
shorts.

She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what
ever she could. Her and her friend started to get
worried now.

XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me.

SatanStalker: You should be afraid.

SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you
just said about me with your friend like a
minute ago.

They were in shock.

Her friend: Holy crap man just block him
hes a fcking psycho!

The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes
watching us?

SatanStalker: I am.

SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really
matter if you blocked me anyway; it wouldnt stop me
from coming to your house.

XxLoVemExX: What? My house?

SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its
not a problem.

XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out.

SatanStalker: Your screen name says
love me, trust me that wont be a problem.

SatanStalker has just signed off.

The girl and her friend were really
scared. Girls

friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone.

They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight.

All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok.

Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was
still in the bathroom and was wondering what was up.

She goes and knocks but no one said
anything

she opens it and finds her friend there on
the ground dead. She started to scream but when she
turned around he was there. News the next morning said that there was one girl dead in the bathroom;

her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head.

If you do not repost this in the next two
minutes here will be three men, one in your
bathroom,

one in your room, and one killing your parents at that
very moment.

Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for?

Repost or you are going to die.

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day, I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go,But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun,he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend;

That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother;I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best Mommy,

I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors;

I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest When I heard that great, big crack,I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

This poem is to remember the students of Columbine, Virginia Tech, and all the other kids who were shot in school shootings and never got to say goodbye.

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cryed post this in your profile.

I went to a party, Mom
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a Sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didnt drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mom
Something I expected least.

Now Im lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own bloods all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.

Im sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put Daddys Girl on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
Id still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom
Im getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And Im so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say I love you, Mom
So I love you and good-bye.

one message: dont drink and drive!

yUps tHatS mY pROfiLe, yEAh yOU kNoW iTs aWeSOmE! cOMe bAck sOoN

STORY OUTFITS!!

A CHRISTMAS STORY (found these at Google XD)

Bella's Dress: http://www.josephm.com/ladies-store-8/dresses-9/issa-long-electric-blue-halter-neck-276901-100217_zoom.jpg

Bella's shoes: http://b-persnickety.typepad.com/.a/6a00e553492eaf8833010535c53a09970c-450wi

Renee's dress: http://image.dhgate.com/upload/20095/68/402880840ec062b9010ec113523c3f52/productimg1242807482333.jpg

Renee's shoes: http://z.about.com/d/shoes/1/0/o/p/white_high_heels.jpg

Boys' suits: http://z.about.com/d/mensfashion/1/0/M/2/jv_20.jpg

Alice's Outfit: http://www.scavengeinc.com/images/sexy-elf-costume.jpg

Rose's Dress: http://www.camdendrive.com/media//resized/cute-short-red-pleated-dress-n2106-f_size2.jpg

Rose's Shoes: http://z.about.com/d/shoes/1/0/5/7/1/silver_evening_shoes.jpg

THE NEW ADDITIONS (found these at google XD)

What Alex looks like: http://www.lahiguera.net/cinemania/actores/alex_pettyfer/fotos/5283/alex_pettyfer.jpg

What Lucy looks like: http://www.cosmogirl.com/cm/cosmogirl/images/red-wavy-hair-gtl0606-240x312.jpg or as well if you wantoto think of Lucy in a different way, then choose this look http://media.photobucket.com/image/red%20haired%20teenagers/XxTsukiyukuxX/red-hair-girl.jpg

What Aurora looks like: http://cdn.yusrablog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Elegant-Wavy-Hairstyles-for-Beauty.jpg