Greetings, Program!!!

Join the dark side... we have COOKIES!

And please read my profile. There will be cake.

I'm gonna sing the doom song now!

"Doom doom do-doom doom. Doom do doom. Doom do doom do do do dooooooom!"

And no, for some reason, I don't read or write Invader Zim fanfictions.

Ectomuffins rule.

Went to the 2012 New York Comic Con. If anyone who was there on Saturday saw the girl dressed as all 11 Doctors at once, that was me. 'Ello!

DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THE KIDS SHOULD JUST GIVE THE RABBIT THE EFFING TRIX?!

One word: "-BAMF-"
Two words: Boom, headshot.
Three words: Fus ro dah.
Four words: No sacrifice, no victory.
Five words: I fight for the Users.
Six words: Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.
Seven words: I am the Knight Industries Two Thousand.
Eight words: We do what we must because we can.
Nine words: I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees.
Ten words: Hello, class. I am a perfectly normal human worm baby.

--About Me--

Name: Sam. Or Kathy. Either, really. We're both sane.

Age: As old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth.

Personality: Well, scientifically I am a somewhat schizotypal introvert with symptoms of ADD and GAD, but thankfully not enough to qualify for any actual disorder - I'm just weird. Hooray! In layman's terms, take Sonic the Hedgehog. Make him a loner except among close friends, and direct his hyperactive energy towards rambling to himself for hours on end. Take away the obsession with chili dogs and teach him to swim. Give him glasses. Give him a semi-sentient figment-of-his-imagination who's also a superhero and acts like a cross between Shadow, Knuckles, and Rouge, and force him to write a novel about said character simply to preserve his sanity. Finally, convince him that one of these days, he is going to discover his purpose in life and whether or not anyone else actually exists or if the entire universe is just a non-sentient figment of his imagination. Make him worry about everything that could possibly go wrong in every situation. Voila - me. Well, a short, blue, male, anthropomorphic hedgehog version of me, but still...

Nationality: Planet Soy Milk. Or Alcrakia. Or the USA. Whatever you want. Family? Irish, British, Canadian Indian, German, and Czechoslovakian. Go figure.

Favorite Pastimes: I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick. Oh, and writing. I love writing.

Favorite Color: Dark blue. Very dark blue.

Favorite TV shows: Doctor Who, X-Men: Evolution, Invader ZIM, Doctor Who, Smallville, Merlin, TRON: Uprising, Danny Phantom, American Dragon: Jake Long, Doctor Who, House MD, Bones, Strange Days at Blake Holsey High, Transformers, Doctor Who, every Ben 10, Sonic X... did I mention Doctor Who?

Favorite Movies: Un Monstre à Paris, The Lorax, Tron, Tron: Legacy, the Doctor Who movie, Daredevil (the director's cut,) Thor, The Avengers, The Incredible Hulk, Transformers, How to Train Your Dragon, Ghost Rider, X-Men, X2, X3, X-Men First Class...

Favorite Games: Team Fortress 2, Portal, Portal 2, Skyrim, Slender: The Eight Pages, Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo ODST, Halo Reach, Psychonauts, the Sims 2...

Favorite Song: At the moment? Biggering.

Favorite Word: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. (Look it up.)

Favorite Superheros (top 5): Nightcrawler (every. single. version), Comicverse Daredevil (though the movie was alright), The Shadow (the original radio play one, though the movie was fun), Movieverse Hulk (the Avengers movie version, though they're all pretty darn awesome), Comicverse Ghost Rider. Yes, my top two are a fuzzy blue mutant and a blind lawyer in red leather. I'm weird like that.

Favorite Supervillains (top 5): Movieverse Loki, Megamind (does he count?), Movieverse Doctor Octopus, Comicverse Riddler (every. single. version.), Comicverse Magneto. The top three fall easily under the 'misunderstood villain' category, and I sympathize. The last two are just plain awesome. Comics, movies, TV shows, Sunday newspaper cartoon strips, I don't care. They are awesome. Deal with it.

Nicknames: Sam, Sammy (do NOT call me that,) IKP, The Mighty Pickle, Giggles (again, DON'T call me that,) Kathy, Kat, Katastrophe, SKG, KDJ...

Pet peeves: Stairs, scraping metal against metal (but I LIKE chewing tinfoil - go figure,) Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, patronizing...

Relationships: Don't have a boyfriend, never have, probably never will. Don't have any particular alignment, and I'm neither homosexual nor heterosexual, so I don't really know what I am. But, truth be told, I do have maybe a slight crush on Nightcrawler... and Francœur (not the baseball player - the singing, dancing, guitar-playing French flea)... and Wheatley... and the Once-ler... and Clopin. Google them. Yeah. I know. Don't look at me like that.

Favorite Moment: I adore secrets being told. Secret identities, I mean. That moment when Kurt's image inducer fails, Arthur sees Merlin doing magic, Batman is unmasked, Clark Kent loses his glasses, some poor kid learns his car is a giant alien robot, someone first realizes that the Doctor is an alien... I love those moments. I also love transformations, like when unsuspecting teens wake up as multicolored hedgehogs and/or mutants.

FAQ

Q: What the !!!! does 'kiwikami' even mean?
A: Absolutely nothing at all. I was signing up for Runescape (which I played avidly for two years and then got bored with) and needed to randomly come up with a name. Originally it was Kiwikima. Then I forgot the password for that account and became Kiwikami. It just... sounds good, I guess. Invader Kiwi. Yep. Also, 'kēwēkamē' in Evelēranēl refers to someone who looks normal but is not. Like me.

Q: What is your purpose in life?
A: To be is to do: Sartre. To do is to be: Descartes. Do be do be do: Frank Sinatra.

Q: What is your favorite Halloween costume?
A: Definitely the one made up of pieces of the outfits of all 11 Doctors. 1's pants, 2's shoes, 3's frills, 4's scarf, 5's celery, 6's cat badge, 7's hat, 8's vest, 9's jacket, 10's 3D glasses, and 11's bowtie.

Q: What is your next non-school-related-goal?
A: To successfully replicate Rinzler's costume on the Sims 2 (it's the helmet mesh that is stubbornly eluding me... *grrr*)

Q: Ginger or Mary-Ann?
A: *eyeroll*

Q: Kirk or Picard?
A: Hm... tough one. I like Picard's style, but Kirk is always going to be the captain of the Enterprise for me. So I say Kirk, but just barely. Though just as an extra bit of info, I absolutely love Q.

Q: YOUR STORIES SUCK!!!!!!
A: First: that's not a question. Second: I know. When I made this account, my writing was the equivalent of that of a ten-year-old. There's a good reason why, but I'm not comfortable explaining it at the moment. I'm going to delete most of the stories I have up, and hopefully my next ones will be better.

Top 10 Symptoms of Spy-Phobia (From Team Fortress 2):

1. You keep hearing the Spy's voice in your head...and it drives you crazy! (And that theme song of his. *bangs head against wall*)

2. You know that the Spy is real, and that he could be ANYWHERE! (...yeah...)

3. Whenever you are by yourself, you don't think that you are alone, and you freak out whenever you hear random noises and/or movements because it could be the Spy coming after you. (Well, no, actually I freak out because I think it could be a lunatic with a bomb coming after me. Yeah.)

4. Every time you listen to the Spy's theme ("Right Behind You") on your iPod, you instantly think that the Spy is in the same room as you...somewhere...ready to strike/kidnap/kill you (or all of the above: strike, kidnap, AND kill). (I play it on piano now. I love it. But I'd never listen to it while walking down a street at night.)

5. You're afraid go in any body of water (sewers, pool, beach, etc.), worried that the TentaSpy is going to get you. (I scuba dive. Hm.)

6. You're extremely paranoid that your back is going to get stabbed. (Not the worst way to die, come to think of it...)

7. You believe that the Spy is in some type of invisible cloak stalking you. (I wish I was a Spy in an invisible cloak stalking someone else. But yes.)

8. Every time you think of French stuff (or France itself), you automatically think of the Spy. (I speak French.)

9. You spy check everyone. (And then get a bit nervous when I don't go through them. Yeah.)

10. You keep turning you around every five seconds to see if the Spy is really behind you. (Well. My back is usually to a wall. For this purpose.)

from Flygon Pirate's profile

Couples I Ship:
(please note that I don't really like romance, so don't take a word of this seriously)

Loki/Svaðilfari Don't look at me like that. Sleipnir, my friend. Sleipnir.
Lucille/Francœur Because.
Caroline Johnson/Douglas Rattmann the only Portal pairing I go for
Once-ler/Greed-ler - "oncest" very rarely)
NevilleLuna I'm not pushy about it, but they would have been cute together.

Your Weakness:

Horrible eyesight.

Your Fears:

Bombs. I hate beeping things. I have since I was a baby - no idea why. It's a past life thing, I think. Which is why I don't play Demoman.

Your Perfect Pizza:

Pepperoni, black olives, extra cheese.

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:

Survive until Christmas.

Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:

Never use instant messenger...

Thoughts First Waking Up:

Five more minutes, Mommy...

Your Best Physical Feature:

My hair - it's that peculiar shade of blond that lots of movie stars would die for. I don't really care for it, myself.

Your Bedtime:

Whenever I decide to actually fall asleep...

McDonalds or Burger King:

Neither.

Chocolate or Vanilla:

Vanilla!

Do you Smoke:

No.

Will you Smoke:

NO.

Do you Swear:

Not unless "darn it", "slag it", "frag it" and "what in the pit" counts. ;)

Do you Sing:

Oh, yeah.

Do you Shower Daily:

When I can - I live on a boat, after all.

Do you behave yourself:

When I feel like it!

Do you get Motion Sickness:

Not really, I don't even get dizzy while reading in the car. But I do sometimes get seasick.

Do you think you are Attractive:

I think I'm pretty. But then, I don't really care.

Are you a Health Freak

No, but then I don't get sick much, so...

Do you get along with your Parents:

Yep!

Do you like Thunderstorms:

YES! I love the rain, and lighting is AWESOME!

Do you play an Instrument:

Clarinet, piano, recorder, the spoons...

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:

NO. And I never shall!

In the past month have you gone to a Mall:

Nope. Mall? What is this strange Earth place?

In the past month have you eaten Sushi:

Not in the last month, no.

What do you want to be when you Grow Up:

A linguist.

What country would you most like to Visit:

Peru. Well, okay, maybe not really, but it's a running joke, so just go with it.

Number of CDs I own:

Music CDs? None. I go for iTunes.

Fave Food:

Shepherd's Pie, the way Dad loved it.

Fave Music:

Epic trailer music! No, really, that orchestral awesomeness you hear in movie trailers? That. Yep.

What do your feet smell like?

Why do you want to know?

What does your hair smell like?

Coconut.

Can you clap with your feet?

Yep. ;)

Have you seen purple cows?

No, but I want to.

If you have had 10 Mountain Dews, what would you be like?

Actually... I have. At my aunt Jean's. At a family reunion. I literally didn't sleep for three days. And I was perfectly happy with that.

When you think of the words "George Bush", what comes to your mind?

He bugs Gore. Think about it.

W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?

1. Be serious or be funny?

FUNNY. I AM RANDOM. HEAR ME ROAR. MEOW!

2. Drink whole or skim milk?:

Whole.

3. Die in a fire or drown?

Drown. I love the ocean, and I'd rather die in it.

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?

Parents. My parents are fun.

D O . Y O U . P R E F E R.

1. Sun or moon?:

Moon. I love nighttime...

2. Winter or Fall?

Fall, I love Halloween. But there is no fall in the Caribbean.

4. Ten acquaintances or five best friends?:

Five best friends. Although I only have one, which is fine by me!

5. Sunny or rain:

Rain, it's awesome!

6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?

Vanilla 4ever.

A B O U T . Y O U.

1. What time is it?:

9:34 in Grenada.

2. What is your name?

Sam. But to you, it's Invader Kiwi.

3. What do you want to do?

To finish Macbeth. I think I will...

4. Where do you wanna live?

Somewhere cold!

5. How many kids do you want?

Two - a boy named Tobias and a girl named Jenna.

6. Do you want to get married?

Maybe...

7. Have you ever done drugs?

No. And I never will.

8. What do you like on your pizza?

I think I answered that already, but pepperoni, extra cheese, and black olives.

9. Can you cross your eyes?

Yes...

10. Do you make your bed daily?

No. ;)

R A N D O M.

1. Which shoe goes on first?

Whichever one I find first.

2. Ever thrown a shoe at someone?

Um... no comment.

3. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?

Twirl! It took me twelve years to figure out how to do it right, though.

4. Have you ever eaten Spam?

Yep. And I liked it.

5. Favorite ice cream?

That cake batter flavor from Cold Stone Creamery... 'yum'

6. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet?

Two.

7. Do you cook?

That depends on how you define the term 'cook'.

8. Current mood?

Very, very hyper.

IN . THE. LAST. 48 HOURS. HAVE. YOU.

1. Kissed some one?

No.

2. Sang?

Yes. In the shower, no less. But I wasn't taking a shower. I was just standing in the shower singing. The acoustics are great!

3. Been hugged:

Yep!

4. Felt stupid:

Yes.

5. Missed someone:

Dad.

6. Danced Crazy?

Yes. To "Voulez Vouz".

7. Gotten your hair cut?

Nope.

8. Cried:

Nope.

. S T U F F .

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

No! ... Well, actually, yeah. But it was in school when someone had their umbrella stolen. Yeah, like I'm keeping an umbrella in my pocket.

2. Do you have a Dog?

Nope. I like dogs, though.

3. Do you have a cat?

No, but I LOVE cats.

4. The last time you've been sledding?

Two years ago. Down a staircase. In a tent. Long story.

5. Do you consider yourself creative?

Oh, yes.

6. Do you have any friends on FF.net?

I wish...

7. Do you know anybody in real life from FF.net

No, unfortunately.

8. Where are you?

Grenada. Until tomorrow. Then New York.

9. Look up, then look back, what do you see?

The wall. o.0

10. What are you listening to right now?

Crickets chirping. Beep. Beep. Beep. I'm going nuts...

11. Last thing you ate?

Chili.

12. Last thing you thought?

That was really good chili.

13. You have a million dollars what do you do?

Buy the rights to Doctor Who. And a portal gun. That's about it really. I don't think about money much - I don't spend a lot. I just kind of... save. Not for anything in particular.

14. What are you eating/drinking right now?

My saliva...

Here are some quotes for you to read/live by:

Slot machines: Cash lost in 'em.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Funny sayings, Funny Words of Wisdom

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

11. My Reality Check bounced.

12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.

18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

*AWESOME QUOTES*

"Human?! (points at Kurt as if he's the most disgusting thing in the world) You call that... THING... human?!?" "More human than you! Nightcrawler's generous and kind and decent! He had every reason to be bitter, every excuse to become as much of a demon inside and out. But he decided he'd rather learn to laugh instead! I hope I can be HALF the person he is. And if I have to choose between caring for my friend and believing in your god then I choose my friend!" Stryker and Kitty (X-men: God Loves, Man Kills). One of the most beautiful, fitting, amazing things anyone has ever said for Kurt - and the main reason I'm tolerant of 'Kurtty'.

Incidentally, one of Kurt's best quotes: "I've been called a monster. I've been hunted. Hell, I'm the son of a demon. Does this mean that I have no soul? I don't know for sure. It isn't something I can touch, something I can control. All I can control is what I do. I make the choices I think are right and that is all I can do. I decided that I have a soul. Come back with us. Come back with your friends and prove to the world that you do have a soul." No idea where it's from.

"You can kiss my decomposing ASS if you think I’m sitting out of a fight because of something as minor as “not being alive”, maggot!" Best TF2 Soldier line ever goes to M. Gui's story Harvest, on the TF2 chan.

"And you are not trying to eat me! I feel I should be offended, I can’t possibly taste that bad. I am practically calimari at this stage, I should be delicious.” Ditto for best TF2 Spy (well, Tentaspy) line ever.

"Kurt, can't you just 'port us to the ground?" "Oh yeah, that's a great idea! See, here's the plane and here's us (makes motions with his hands) Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity, SPLAT!" Kitty and Kurt (X-men Evolution - Grim Reminder)

"No, you listen! There's a sound I want you to hear! And it's (BAMF!)" Kitty and Kurt (X-men Evolution - Middleverse). Look. I love Kurt in all his forms. But he's just so darn fuzzy ...*ahem*... funny in Evolution. Note that this makes no sense unless you understand Kurt and the fact that not only does he go 'bamf', he IS a BAMF. A bamfing big ass motherf*er. A blue bamfing big ass motherf*er

D. I. McMillan: "I'm charging you too! Aiding and abetting!"
The Doctor: "Yes, I'll just step inside this police box and arrest myself." I know the episode "Planet of the Dead" was generally hated by the fandom, but personally, I enjoyed it. And this quote, this priceless quote (see review ranking #11 above) was simply... well, priceless. I watched this one little snippet over and over again, and I burst into laughter every time. (People who haven't watched Doctor Who won't get it. At all. But trust me, it's hilarious.)

'"So, let me get this straight." Milo said, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "You're a really big rock?" ; "Technically, yes." Kya wiggled her feet. "But the rock has unspeakable powers, so that's cool."' KKME, by wolf-howl91.

'"Oh, and my butt isn't furry or red anymore- I'm human right now, so my butt is quite normal looking."' Best Knuckles line ever goes to... KKME. Again.

'I am listening to a story. Or at least, it feels very much like a story. Maybe the weirdest, most incredible story I've ever heard in my life. I'm not sure if its science fiction or fantasy, real life, psychological or even allegorical, but whatever it is, it's probably got a few B-Movie and a few Major Psychological Blockbuster Directors turning in their graves. And the most peculiar thing about it all is that I'm not pouring over my usual novel on the way to work, or watching some late-night movie. I'm just sitting in my office, listening to an echidna from another planet describing how his ancestors damn near destroyed themselves.' Blue Hedgehog Psychology by Scarabbug

'"Superman… is like toilet paper?" Clark asked, watching her from the corner of his eye. Should he be offended? "That's… one way of looking at it, I guess. But if I ever catch you wiping your bottom with his cape…"' When the Rest of Heaven Was Blue by lastwordslinger.

Remember when we shot Starscream out of the sky? He was downright con-descending.” A Transformers Fanfiction I forgot the name of - not a direct quote. Nasty pun, hm?

"My common sense is tingling..." Deadpool. Need I say more?

"So... did it blow up?" Why would he ask that? Just because he had a tendency to find things that might blow up didn't mean that everything blew up. A Transformers fic I also forgot.

'“So what now? Save the world?” “Can we eat first?”' Jake and Marco, on an episode of the Animorphs TV show.

'"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."' Unknown

4 Reasons Tronzler Lives (for Tron fans ONLY - because no one else will get it)

1. If they make Tron 3, which we all want them to, how can they POSSIBLY do it without Tron? The entire frigging series is NAMED after him!

2. We didn't SEE him die - we saw him drift dramatically down into the depths of the Sea of Simulation. And we all know what really happened the LAST time we thought we saw him die... and, come to think of it, the time before that. Because in Tron, he was SUPPOSEDLY squished when the solar sailor was destroyed, and in Legacy, we frigging heard him SCREAM IN PAIN AS CLU BROUGHT HIS ID DISK DOWN ON HIS HEAD... and look what happened? So when we see him drift peacefully down into an ocean, I'm sorry, I just can't accept that.

3. The Sea wasn't part of the Grid, not really, right? So even if the Grid was destroyed by Flynn and CLU's reintegration, the Sea wouldn't have been. So Tronzler wasn't destroyed with the Grid.

4. Can programs even drown? They can't bleed, they'd have no reason to need to breathe... so probably not. Yes, I realize it's not a real sea, but I'm just saying that, assuming Tronzler has enough energy to not de-rezz simply from exhaustion, there's no reason he'd die. Ergo: he's alive.

--Copy and Paste Time!!!!!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if the Omnitrix came in contact with Megatron's DNA/spark/whatever? Oh, story idea!! Must get computer!)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask myself random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs..."

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered! Thank you whoever made them come into the writing world!)

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

You zone out even with other people.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. (Invader Kiwi does this CONSTANTLY)

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

You're profile is REALLY long. (Eh, I'm working on it)

Your computer runs out of memory. (NOT YET)

You can't stop writing!

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. (I'm not even in college... oh well)

I guess I'm an author. . .

Got this off of TransformersFreak01's profile.

I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things.

I happen to be one of those people...

I am one of the girls who love going into Hot Topic and finding clothes that my best friend wouldn't wear.

I am one of the girls who will read books over and over again until the pages are ripped out or even puffed up. (You should see my copy of Jurassic Park)

I am one of the girls who tend to obsess over things that don't even make sense to the people around me.

I am one of the girls who stare in one direction and can talk to the person next to them.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 percent of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 percent of the people that read this won't repost it?

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

If you believe Homophobia is wrong, copy and post this into your profile.

If you have never copied or pasted anything onto your profile, copy and paste this onto... wait a second... (Well, it's too late now!)

If you have a really long profile, C&P this to make it even longer. (Yay!)

If you know that FLYNN LIVES, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Invader Kiwi (Yes, I am shamelessly starting one of these.)

Copy and paste this in your profile if you have anxiously awaited your letter from Hogwarts when you were eleven, only to have your hopes dashed. (Mine just got lost in the mail.)

If you are a tad obsessed with Shadow the Hedgehog and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. (I blame my friend Z)

If you've ever walked into a window, copy and paste this into your profile. (No comment)

If you don't believe in copying and pasting, please don't copy and paste this into your profile. (Savvy?)

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. (Where do you think I got all these?)

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile. (Transformers and Doctor Who)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, zElDaPhAnToM-bLiNdBaNdIt-RaVeN, Firehawk, Rainfire, Snowfur, Firestar's Gal, Pinkpelt, Lolita of the Damned, Colonel Bastard, Elena21, Invader Kiwi

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile. (I won't mention names ;) )

93 percent of teenagers and children would go insane if the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus were about to jump off a skyscraper and die. If you are part of the 7 percent that would grab popcorn, a chair, and scream 'JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!', copy and paste this to your profile and add your name to the list: KatakaCandy2429658, Invader Elze, Invader Misty, Invader NAV, Invader Kiwi

If you ship Francœur/Lucille, copy and paste this into your profile. (Not exactly a match made in heaven, but they were so perfect for each other. In a very... odd... way.)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. (Yeah...)

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile. ('cough')

If you think High School Musical was a crappy movie, copy this and paste it in your profile. (We're all in this together and it shows when we promote high school stereotypes!)

If you listen to music in the bathroom, sing along in the shower, use your toothbrush as a microphone, and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. (Yep!)

If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. (Frequently.)

If you have ever fallen up a flight of stairs, copy this, put it in your profile. (And escalators.)

If you hear voices of characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. (Their names are Kathy, Andrew, Maria, Martin, Danny, Molly, Katelyn, and Dr. Wilbur. Oh, and Norman.)

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room for no reason, put this in your profile. (Consistently.)

If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile. (Consistently.)

If you are a Whovian and proud of it, copy this into your profile. (You know, fish and custard actually taste pretty good together.)

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?" (Yep.)

If you are a NevillexLuna shipper and still love it even after JK Rowling said it would never happen, copy this into your profile. (They're adorabibble!)

If you ever got zoned out for more than five minutes copy and paste this in your profile. (...)

COPY AND PASTE THIS ON YOUR PROFILE IF YOU'VE SUCCEEDED IN WATCHING 10 HOURS OF NYAN CAT ALL THE WAY THROUGH UNTIL THE END! (All day, while doing homework.)

If you are bored copy and paste this in your profile. (Yeah.)

If you think child abuse is horrible copy and paste this in your profile. (... needs no explanation)

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile. (She was until she moved to Chicago. Now she's sane. SARA! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!!!!)

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile. (I had Puff the Magic Dragon in my head yesterday. And the theme to Dora the Explorer.)

If you dig the fuzzy dude, bamf this into your profile. (It's the accent. And the tail.)

If you ever felt like the Spy is trying to stab you in the back (or worse), copy and paste. (...yeah...)

If you frequently look back to see if the Spy is right behind you, copy and paste... and always check your backside. (*turns around and looks at back of couch* THE COUCH IS A SPY!!!)

If you think that the Spy is one of your friends or family, copy, paste... and pray that he won't stab you in the back. (Erm... Mom... what are you doing with that knife??)

I'm scared of going into pools, lakes, and beaches, etc. Want to know why? IT'S BECAUSE OF THE DREADED TENTASPY! If you're scared of the TentaSpy, copy and paste into your profile. (Well, duh. Who isn't??)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Archangel's Requiem, Lady Sakura of the Fated, Emy Em Em, Kiska King, ButWhyIsAllTheRumAlwaysGone, goody goody gumdrop 06, Mrs.DeppQueenObsessorGoddess, Flygon Pirate, Invader Kiwi.

If you are part of the .0000001 percent of people who don't have a Facebook, copy this onto your profile. (Kathy does, but she never uses it.)

If you're looking at these copy and paste things and thinking: I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you are obsessed with Team Fortress 2, copy and paste this. (guilty)

If you are OVERLY obsessed with Team Fortress 2, copy this into your profile (my parents wouldn't approve, but yeah)

We must save the SPY CRABS! If you wish to help save the Spy Crabs from extinction, copy and paste. (SAVE THEM!!!)

If you have ever ran into a door, copy this into your profile. (A sliding glass one...)

If you know that Nightcrawler, isn't dead, copy this into your profile. (I simply refuse to believe it. They keep bringing everyone else back, after all - there's no way he's gone for good. Really. He's not. Because then everyone working at Marvel would be dead as well. Very soon. At my hands. Not painlessly. You are NOT taking our fuzzy elf away from us. Never. NEVER.)

Snaps is the name of the game. If you are part of that group of people who know how to play Snaps, copy and paste this into your profile. ('grin')

If you think that the toucans should just screw the goddamned 'fruity treasure' and go home, copy and paste this into your profile. (I prefer Trix)

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

99.5 percent of teenagers and kids have a myspace and are literally addicted, if you are the 0.5 who thinks myspace is a dumb way to make friends, relationships, etc. post this onto your profile. (Yeah, pretty much.)

If you have ever tripped over your own feet/foot, copy this into your profile. (No comment.)

95 percent of girls would scream and cry if the guy who plays Edward in Twilight jumped off the Empire State Building without a bungee cord or anything. 4 percent would grab popcorn and yell "COOL!" If you are part of the 1 percent who would be pushing him off, add this to your profile! (Well... no. Actually, he's admitted that he hates his character. So I'd probably forgive him. Bella has to go, though. And she was my schoolmate. So was Elijah Wood. And Jordin Sparks. And Dakotah Fanning. And Josh Hutcherson. And Lindsey Lohan. And Emma Roberts. And Raven-Symoné. Yep. Really. No, I've never met them. But we're schoolmates. I might even be classmates with some of them - I don't know. We don't really interact. But ain't that kind of awesome?)

95 percent of girls would scream and cry if the guy who plays Jacob in Twilight jumped off the Empire State Building without a bungee cord or anything. 4 percent would grab popcorn and yell "COOL!" If you are part of the 1 percent who would be pushing him off, add this to your profile! (See above.)

There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and lose when it's weird. If you agree copy this and put it in your profile. (It's happened a few times, okay?)

If you have ever tripped over a pillow, copy this into your profile. (During a pillow fight. I lost.)

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile. (...)

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off. (Yep.)

If you HATE High School Musical with a burning passion, and think those people have no real talent, copy and paste this into your profile. (Yep.)

If you would be absolutely horrified if High School Musical ended up on Broadway, copy and paste this into your profile. (Yep. *shudder*)

If you've noticed that every person Elizabeth Swann kisses is killed, copy and paste this onto your profile. And the names of the victims are (In order): Jack Sparrow, Sao Feng, James Norrington, and Will Turner. (Weird... hm.)

If you have ever face-palmed yourself, copy and paste this to your profile, and add your name to the list. LORD commodore Norry (Give me a break! My hand freakin' slipped!), Mrs.DeppQueenObsessorGoddess (Too many times to count..it's a CURSE, I tell you!), ElizabethTurner93 (I do this when I've asked a really stupid question.), Flygon Pirate (Well, or I do it just because I, or someone else, did something completely stupid), Invader Kiwi (I do this... way too much)

A large percent of authors do not know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you do know the difference, copy and paste this to your profile. (Well, yeah!)

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, put this in your profile. (Who hasn't?)

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile. (Cheese Doodlez!)

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, Revenant666, darkflame1516, AirGirl Phantom, Agent of the Divine One, pointless people of Pluto, itachikakashi, xXxLuna-of-the-ChosenxXx, .a.broken.heart.within. The Most OOC Writer Around, Mask of Mirage, Icedragon012990, Night's Fang, StrawberryXThief, Ice Moon Hime, Seengot, elena21, Invader Kiwi.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile. (I'm not planning to, either.)

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. (Guilty.)

Fi uoy dnatsrednu siht, ypoc dna etsap siht otni ruoy eliforp. (I klat sdrawkcab yrev llew. Tahw tuoba uoy?)

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile. (Oh, yeah.)

If you hate those obnoxious preppy people, copy this into your profile. (I know a few, too.)

Earth is like a frog - when it jumps in to boiling water it gets out by himself knowing it isn't safe. But when it jumps in to cold water and us humans start boiling it, he stays there. We have to protect our world from Global Warming. If you're one of those who cares about our planets safety, write your penname and copy this onto your profile: Kwasy Girls at work, Amaterasu Haruno, Queenbee12345, Onyx and Pink, Ice Moon Hime, Seengot, Invader Kiwi.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, XxBellaxCullenxX, angel-phantom-babii, oh-my-edward, Onyx and Pink, Ice Moon Hime, Seengot, elena21, Invader Kiwi.

The 27 Commandments of Fanfiction

1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fanfiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it.

2. Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses.

3. Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story.

4. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting.

5. Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly.

6. Apply the above number 5 to POVs as well.

7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fanfiction. It probably is rather hilarious.

8. Thou shalt not use :) , ;D , or :( in a fanfiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character.

9. Thou shalt try-eth to keep characters in character!

10. Thou shalt not treat every criticism as a flame.

11. The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.

12. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary.

13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length.

14. Thou shalt not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character- yes we know that you are in love with yourself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character.

15. If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning.

16. Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason).

17. Thou shalt show and not tell.

18. Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers.

19. Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est - writing is an art.

20. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise.

21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody or b) find a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader.

22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed.

23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason.

24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep.

25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story. It will also create Minis. Mini-Balrogs, Mini-Aragogs, Mochi Nations - whatever it is, the Mini will hate you.

26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside.

27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers

WARNING!! 30 SIGNS OF A RABID TRANSFORMERS FANGIRL!!

1. Can recite the entire first movie from memory. (Did this to a friend once - she freaked out when I did Starscream's voice. Apparently I can sound exactly like him... o.0?)

2. Can tell you what Autobot is fastest, toughest and smartest and can give you exact specs. (I am a geek, and proud.)

3. Always has tabs on the best Autobot fanfiction, wallpaper and apparel. (Gimmie my Megatron pillow!)

4. Will sell her first born for Dark of the Moon tickets. (Don't have kids... will you take my mother?)

5. HATES MEGATRON FOR THE SIMPLE REASON THAT HE KILLED JAZZ! (JAZZ! MY JAZZ! NOOOOOOOOOO!)

6. Gets into accidents on the off chance Ratchet might pick her up. (I would, I really would, but I don't live anywhere near Nevada.)

7. Thinks Windows Vista is an evil plan hatched by the Decepticons. (Yes. Oh, yes.)

8. Has at least one vehicle painted like Bumblebee. (Not yet, but I will)

9. Whenever she leaves home yells ROLL OUT!! (Yes, I do, actually)

10. Will stare out their car window as a Camaro, Peterbuilt Semi, Pontiac Solstice, GMC Topkick, or Hummer drives by. (I know someone with a GMC Topkick)

11. Has an Optimus Prime plushie and sleeps with it. (No... but my desktop background was once Ironhide's photo with 'i can haz cheezburger?' under it!)

12. Dreams about Jazz. (JAZZ!!!)

13. Wishes that her phone was an Autobot and would name it after a fallen Autobot. (Well, fallen or not, I'm naming it after Wheelie. And my PC is Frenzy. [And my Sony Reader is Rinzler, from Tron: Legacy, but that's another story])

14. Has used movie quotes to finish her sentences. (Uh... yeah, let's not talk about that)

15. Cusses like Ironhide, Ratchet, or the Twins. (I can truthfully say that I've never said a 'bad' word that wasn't said in Transformers ;) )

16. Thinks her computer is a Decepticon (Yep)

17. Makes references to Transformers in every school subject. (Funny story about that, actually...)

18. Wishes that Wheeljack could help blow up some certain people. (Guilty.)

19. Immediately snaps awake from sleep when someone says something about Transformers. (Not that anyone ever does)

20. Sings the Transformers theme in the shower, on the way to school, and on the way home for no reason. (Guilty again)

21. Gives her friends labels as some of the Autobots. (Sara was always Blurr in disguise.)

22. Gives her enemies labels as some of the Decepticons. (Scarlett, Frenzy. Frenzy, Scarlett.)

23. Wishes she could use a double plasma cannon on her enemies. (Heh heh... about that)

24. Has posters of her favorite Transformers. (I drew my own)

25. Reads wayyyyyyyyyyyy too many fan-fictions about these guys. (Yep)

26. Has her username having to deal with Transformers. (No, actually. I'm still stuck on Invader ZIM)

27. Listens to a song and then immediately thinks of a Transformer. (That's why I own the soundtrack)

28. Pairs the TFs with other TFs because it's fun. (Chromia and Ironhide are so cute! But I still don't like slash.)

29. Squeals at the sight of a Police car and thinks of Prowl... and sometimes glares and thinks of Barricade... stupid coward. (Yep)

30. Thinks every electronic device she owns is a Transformer... (My DS is watching me.)

Here's a fun game to play if you own an IPod, IPhone, or any other device with a random mix of music:

Just play the random shuffle, advancing one song for every section. Don't try and be cool - answer truthfully as to which songs you got.

The Song That Plays When I'm Sad: Gone (Kelly Clarkson - that sounds about right)

The Song That Plays When I'm Excited: The Pekes and the Pollicles (Andrew Lloyd Webber, from the musical Cats)

The Song That Plays When I'm Angry: Carol of the Bells (Mannheim Steamroller - seriously?)

The Song That Will Play at my Wedding: This is Halloween (The Nightmare Before Christmas - o.0)

The Song That Will Play at my Funeral: The Stowaway (Doctor Who Series 2 Soundtrack - I certainly hope so)

The Song That I Can't Stop Listening To: Beauty Underneath (Love Never Dies Soundtrack)

The Song That Could Be my Best Friend's Theme: Dare to be Stupid (Weird Al - perfect)

The Song That Could Be my Theme: Witwicky (Transformers Score - Ha! My name really is Sam. Awesome.)

The Song That I Sing Inside: Anchoring Dance (Eileen Quinn - Yes, I'm a sailor.)

The Song That Dictates my Destiny: I Think I'm a Clone Now (Weird Al - o.0 again.)

The Song That Reveals my Soul: Angel of Darkness (Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness - ... that was odd.)

You'd be surprised how right it is. The above in bold are my results.

You know you live in 2010/2011 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 isn't there.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly

12.) Copy and paste this on your profile if you fell for it and you know you did.

If you don't respect the spaghetti right now, I'm going to take that noodle out of the jar and stick it on Grandpa!!!

Extract From "The Chaos" by G. Noist Trenité

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Finally, which rhymes with enough -
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!"

Stereotypes

The ones in bold are the ones that fitme.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.(Only losers think that...)

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.(That depends on your point of view.)

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.(On the contrary, I think everyone should be able to decide what they want to be, religion-wise. I have friends who are Christian, Jewish, and Wiccan, among others.)

I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. (My political views are complicated. I won't go into that.)

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. (My political views are complicated. I won't go into that.)

I'm JAMICAN so I must smoke weed.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.(Just because I was born in Florida...)

I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.(Something like fourth-generation, though, so it doesn't really count.)

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.(Actually, it sounds like fun... thanks, Dad's side of the family!)

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a stuck up whore.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.(Does belly dancing count?)

I wear skirts a lot, so I MUST be a s--t. (And yes, I am the kind of person to edit out those kinds of words.)

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.(Nope.)

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.(Seriously? It goes with everything!)

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz.(I hate those jokes.)

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.(I've never been ANYONE'S girlfriend, actually.)

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking w--e.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible s--t.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big peter.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.(... who even came up with this one?)

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.(Um... actually, this one's kind of true.)

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.(I hate attention - I love individuality.)

I'm INTO THEATER ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.(Erm... one, I'm a girl. Two... again, who came up with this?)

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.(Technically, I'm a semi-vegetarian: I don't eat red meat. It's not an ethical thing - I just don't like it.)

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be f--g them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I HAVE BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a w--e.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.(???)

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool.

I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.(In italics because it's somewhat true - I have quite a bit of German ancestry... but I'm not actually German, so...)

I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO.(???)

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy.

I'm a STONER, so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude.(???)

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.(Crazy, yes, ugly, no... but then, who am I to judge my own looks? And I can pwn you all in Halo.)

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon and fried chicken.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.(No... I just get exercise and don't pig out on junk food.)

I'm PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be albino.(Okay, it's not that I don't like the sun, it's that I like nighttime better.)

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.(I draw cartoon flies...)

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.(Really? Hm.)

I hang out with teenaged drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I'm CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hate gay people. (My religious views are very, very complicated.)

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.(Well, okay, if by 'artistic talent' you mean the ability to sculpt Davros out of clay in five minutes...)

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.(Actually, I am, so...)

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. (Yes, I am. *grin*)

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over-controlling bitch.(I remember this one time in high school a boy asked me if I liked him. I said no. He asked why. I told him the truth: he was annoying, rude, a liar, completely incapable of giving anyone a compliment... he told me to shut up and got in trouble for it. *grin*)

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.(Curse the humidity in this darn Caribbean air...)

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be overcontrolling and a bitch.

I'm a NUDIST,so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.(I am no loser. Now leave me alone - I'm rereading the Daredevil Flying Blind issues and I don't want any distractions!)

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a w--e myself.

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I Must be homosexual.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.(Well, if any of the Doctors showed up in front of me... or Nightcrawler... or Rinzler... or Wheatley... or the Once-ler... or Francœur... yeah, maybe.)

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.(Nope.)

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. (Nope. And I am a master of the ancient art... of origami!)

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be ]obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.(No...)

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep.

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.(I already wrote a book and a half, and I'm not emo yet...)

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.(Well... some, maybe.)

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.(I am unstereotypeable!)

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER! (?????)

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.(Not me, but in general...)

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a homophobe.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy(I hugged a palm tree once...)

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion

I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blonde blue-eyed lesbian.

I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.(What's wrong with Freakazoid?)

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.(Yes, actually, I am.)

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.(No, I just don't like the idea that one person is right and everyone else is wrong. I believe in symbol-less religion - or at least, one where each believer must form their own symbols, rituals, etc. from things that have spiritual meaning to them. So I say the Lord's Prayer [and add 'please' to it] because it is meaningful to me, as does the sign of the cross, but I don't really identify as Christian. It's more of a personal spiritual comfort thing. I also invite God over for dinner every night, and I set a place for Him/Her just in case. [On a similar note: ARDELIAN - if you are out there and reading this, PM me, will you? With proof? Tenor, sakuno, ????, ?????? will suffice... or anything else only you'd know])

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.(Nope, I'm just American.)

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY(No, I just hate the whole male/female bias thing, and how women in stories are always weaklings. Men, together, just seems stronger. Eh, I don't really care either way - I'm not one for romance.)

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED(Well, I'm an extra-terrestrial. Does that count?)

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.(Well... yeah, I suppose I am.)

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish(Are you kidding? I am the picture of maturity!)

I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.(Nope, just a linguist.)

I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.(No... I just don't see the point in guys.)

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. (Again, complicated.)

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak. (Kind of, although I do have SOME friends.)

My Obsession With Linguistics

I am a conlanger. I create languages. Full, speakable, artificial languages. I have about a dozen now, but here are my favorites:

Halakyyaqua'chu was an experiment in a minimalistic language. I put it on the back burner years ago and dug it out a while back, revitalizing it and totally rehauling its syntax. It's called Pa Co Tseng Fe Cun now, and it makes much more sense.

Evelēranēl was intended to be relatively simple to learn for an English speaker while not actually having English-style grammar. It also has separate sets of verb forms to deal with time travel situations. And no adjectives or adverbs. Other than that, it's a piece of cake. Really.

Genljøŋ is far, far more complex. It is extremely agglutinative, barely a step away from polysynthetic, meaning that words tend to be very long and very complex. It also has something like two dozen noun cases. It has been described as "the unholy offspring of Old Norse, Old English, German, Latin, Icelandic, and Spanish, chucked in a blender with Mohawk and left to sit in the sun for a few days". I'm rather fond of it, myself. And it's insanely fun to write in. See the translated quotes further down the page.

C Cou Proıdounıœmæ Lègælıefra is my newest and most dear, so far. Over seventy noun cases (because it doesn't have pre- or postpositions,) seriously wacky verb conjugation, noun declension for state... yeah. The translation of the name is Prydonian High Gallifreyan. Yes, I'm working on the circular writing system, too.

Yes. This is what I do in my spare time.

A little something for all you Portal fans, in Evelēranēl:

Lunalèt (Junolà)
Alive (Still)

Mek on-sk’ā rasal.
(This was a triumph)
Ye susun’ā junò: RASILOVĪE.
(I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS)
Yeno branu ekēkēn-set’ā ravòl.
(My satisfaction is hard to exaggerate.)

Apajer Sīens:
(Aperture Science)
Yõ umǎ um’ā
(We do what we do)
Vanu brona.
(Because of the capability [to do so])
Ta yõno farèn aku
(For the good of all of us)
Ēta sokõ rēnasèt.
(Except the dead ones.)

Ēel zan su tohotõ farèn mīdon’ā.
(But don’t cry over every mistake.)
Luka-tīl’ā ago ja kākǎ itɾen'ā,
([You] keep trying until you [whom I consider my equal] run out of cake)
Melē kulun-set’ā,
(The science is done)
Ja vornǎ melit’ā
(You make a gun)
Ta sokõ lunalèt junolà.
(For the still alive ones.)

Ye zan āl’ā zazu.
(I’m not angry.)
Y’āl’ā šado lulù juno.
(I'm being very sincere right now.)
Þḕ junēla ja yǎ rēnazel-sk’ā.
(Sincerely, even though you killed me.)
Ae yǎ exip'ā.
(And ripped me up.)
Ye kalen-setsk’ā rak talana.
(I was discarded [in]to a fire.)
In pexē ae munuzē, ye kukù lulù su ja!
(During the pain and burning, I am/was very happy for you)

Juno alfõ fēlerǎ lapà deltan’ā,
(Now this data forms a lovely line)
Ae yõ balēnǎ inkalà vaman’ā.
(And we [referring to the facility] are leaving beta on time.)
Y’āl’ā ELVa su mek.
(I am pleased with this.) [HA! I managed to keep the pun! See below.]
Furel gali-setsk'ā ek
(Many things were learned through the use of)
Vanahõ lunalèt junolà.
(The good people who are still alive.)

Þḕ, va vaman’ā ye.
(Really, leave me behind)
Y’anravelǎ vīul’ā juno.
(I prefer to stay here)
Ja šavanǎ karà kerin-rosdɾ’ā.
(Maybe you'll find some other helpful person.)

Roza: El Blak Māsa.
(Possibly Black Mesa.)
(PĒPĒ AKÙ.)
(Good joke.)
(HAHA LENBÈ.)
(Good luck [sarcastic].)
Medik kāk āl’ā yana;
(Anyway, this cake is fantastic;)
Al āl’ā donga lulù.
(It's extremely delicious.)

Ye walal’ā ēla
(I’m talking while)
Melē nepa kulù.
(The science is unfinished.)
Juno y’āl’ā ELVa sù ye zan on’ā kyu.
(Now I am pleased that I am not you [whom I greatly respect].)
Y’aren’ā melēnõ,
(I have experiments)
Ae pago aʒu gaulõ,
(And research to set into motion)
Ek sokõ lunalèt junolà.
(On the people who are alive.)

Yǎ hadral'ā, y’āl’ā lunalet.
(Belive me, I am alive.)
Melēǎ melit’ā, y’āl’ā lunalet.
(Doing Science, I'm alive.)
Y’āl’ā YANA ae y’āl’ā lunalet.
(I feel FANTASTIC and I'm alive.)
In ja rēnan'ā, y’āl’ā lunalet.
(While you’re dying, I’m alive [and I will no longer greatly respect you, though you will still be my equal].)
In ja rēnasèt, y’āl’ā lunalet.
(While you’re dead, I’m alive.)

LUNALÈT.
(Alive.)
JUNOLÀ.
(Even now.)

As for keeping the pun:

Elbēa Lunela Voyòk ae Šolden Abagonõ-mēna: ELVaŠA
(The Unique Genetic Lifeform and Electronic Data Storage System)

*RANDOM QUOTES IN GENLJØŊ*

Vwïlimøn nøqeðø bewløa ø tädnqlaötjüqqluiliøa. Øneðït qwerï ø seðm, ø sadeð brödøqänsqlarexreðø vwïlitïddmn.
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Njänatøblïtqlige. Ø gøt… ärblitern.
I am Heavy Weapons Guy. And this... is my weapon.

Løqwexrënin. Løqnqäjain. Løqøninit risinïtivwïliiggeqlëvaq sqüinit gi.
Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

*RANDOM QUOTES IN GALLIFREYAN*

C éʧo φanı Heʃoʣo cou óéɯaþel.
In my personal timeline, in a parallel universe, my second regeneration is taller than your fifth regeneration.

Ce foı eɴnȷıeθol vı cúı zut cou nȷoɴmæ gorgon uaɯıx eɴnȷıenȷe ʒuǔ cou ʒuou ɣıeıíégælıefraua ǎlíérȷæsupouʦ ıetantxu ǎlœ'œhen a dugou Kóı ca ífabekovdu vı ca cou ægȷælıeframæ ıíéfalıeloug.
The usage of this book and its various supplementary course materials as a guide towards the reeducation of non-Gallifreyans is officially sanctioned by the High Council and by the Lord President of Gallifrey.

Ʒúe nesk pæ aɴθœ'œlaholo pæ aɴθœ'odııon pæ aɴθœ'œnıφ A loʃkó ʒúou nesk (fı neskǒě) ıíégælıeframæ.
Including famous quotes, saying, and idioms from famous (and infamous) Gallifreyans.

1. YOUR REAL NAME:

Samantha (I prefer Sam)

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle):

Samizzle (It actually has a rather nice ring to it.)

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):

Blue Cat (Ooookay)

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name):

Kari Marina (Not bad!)

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name):

Grasabec (o.0)

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):

Black Iced Tea (WTF?)

7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your mom's maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad's middle name, 1st letter of a sibling's first name [or half-sibling, in my case, last letter of your mom's middle name):

Aakuetn (Um... okay)

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name):

Ann (...)

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets):

Black Eva (Or Black Hermie, or Black Midget - I have three pet hermit crabs)

Your Rock Star Name: (fav fruit, and something that can go wrong):

Tamarind Marriage (...?)

Your Pirate Name: (fav color, pirate accessory):

Blue Dagger (Okay...)

12. Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell?

Mmursaknamu (????? creepy. That's eerily like 'musakamu', which in Evelēranēl means 'betrayal')

The cake is a lie. Sorry.

End of line.

Normal 0

ʒu cóze noɫ gœkȷıe togı Ráés (gœkȷıe togı ráés)

A known-by-almost-every-creature (known by creature)
Well there's a principle of nature (principle of nature)

atȷouırou þı fo Tʃòno:

Principle of nature is this psychological concept:
That almost every creature knows
C neskǒě cou k'œrleftæm lanıʒ. (c cou k'œrleftæm lanıʒ)

The infamous survival of the strongest. (the of-strongest survival)

Called survival of the fittest (the survival of the fittest)

Vo ʧò ʧı fo Mòno'o':

This psychological concept is scientifically proven to be this abstract concept:
And check it this is how it goes

C Ta par k'ıe gı La'ır. Ko, gı Tsor pæ Ƀus

The eating animal has to act. Yes, it scratches and fights

The animal that eats has got to scratch and fight

pæ Dzeʒ bæ Xrouk pæ Gar.

and claws and bites and punches
And claw and bite and punch

Vı ca ta met Xıela k'afkȷıe, ko, ca ta met Xıela k'afkȷıe

And the animal that pitifully doesn't act, yes, the animal that pitifully doesn’t act
And the animal that doesn't well the animal that doesn't

ʒue k'œdok kı ɣodœ Pá-á-á-á-ár (ŋa ŋa ŋa ŋa ŋa).

By another animal is inevitably eaten (delicious delicious delicious delicious delicious)
Winds up someone else's lunch (lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch)

Aıou mòıou:

I would, but destiny… [idiom]
I'm just sayin'