30/08/09: I get the feeling this fic may actually be finished by this Christmas, which would be nice. Part 9 of 'Presents' is up, and it's a big 'un. Enjoy!

The List for Life is the laughable result of the state of boredom only achievable after three hours sitting in a muddy racecourse at a rock festival in Southern Ireland waiting for the next act. The rest is on my website, The Nightraider's Domain.

- Volleyballs have all the elements of a comedic tragedy if used correctly.
- Do not give LSD to guide-dogs.
- Beware of the midgies.
- It is entirely possible to dislocate your toe when in the shower.
- Do not teach someone how to program a VCR over the phone.
- Do not teach someone how to use an iMac over the phone.
- Licking an electrical cable will not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger.
- Never let your mother put clingfilm on your head.
- No matter what the free hat looks like, never drink more than three pints of Guinness on St. Patrick's Day.
- By 10.30pm, one toilet will be used only by those who need to puke, break up, or have an emotional breakdown on their mate's shoulder.

- Searching underneath your bed will always turn up at least two items you have to hide from your mother.
- The weather will change from tropical sunshine to hurricane conditions the instant you decide to wear sandals.
- Do not sit on a Tamagotchi if you want it to live.
- Any incriminating photos of male flatmates in female underwear should be sold off to the highest bidder ASAP.
- Before said sell off, make sure those babies hit the Internet anyway.
- The last sweet in a box of Quality Street will always be a Penny Toffee.
- Videogames can be sold to friends for a tidy profit if low on cash.
- Flameproof oven gloves are a contradiction in terms.
- Learn how to rewind the film before opening the camera.
- Scratching it only makes it worse.

- Do not hum 'I Will Survive' if trying to comfort a recently dumped mate.
- Let your mind splash around in the gutter for at least an hour a day.
- You do not really want to know what that smell is.
- Do your Christmas shopping in November. It annoys male flatmates like anything.
- Buy a stupid hat your mother banned you from buying at least once in your life.
- When all else fails, ask the Magic 8 Ball. It's never wrong.
- Smack all those who take photos of your bottom.
- A burning ham can fly further than you think.
- Never try to surf in a swimming pool.
- Bacardi and Tizer is a dangerous mix.

The ones we came up with on the site were way worse.

Name: Melora Maxwell

Real name: Hannah

Nicknames: Mel, Melly, Double M, Hansey, Han-zors, Hannelore, Hannah-Banana, H., Scruffbag, Gromit (don't ask) and Oh-My-God-What-Have-You-Done-To-Your-Hair?

Physical age: 26. I'm not old, really!

Emotional Age: 5. And still more mature than some of my mates, naming no names.

Birthday: October 3rd, 1983.

Voted: Most Likely To Be Abducted By Aliens at Vth Year Prom.

Current residence: Oxford, falling in something-more-than-lust...

DeviantArt page: http://meloramaxwell.deviantart.com/

Likes: Disney, (except Snow White, Cinderella and Bambi. Gag me to death with a spoon.)
Pokemon,
Gundam Wing,
Beyblade,
Trigun,
Dragonball/Z/GT,
Bucky O'Hare,
Naruto,
Harry Potter, (I read Book Seven in 5 hours. And cried like a baby.)
Transformers/Beast Wars, (I am now the proud owner of my very own Optimash Prime!)
Scott Pilgrim,
Wallace & Gromit,
Spiderman 1+2,
Terminator 1-3, (Come back James Cameron, we forgive you!)
Lethal Weapon 1-4,
Buffy,
Angel,
The Simpsons,
Family Guy,
South Park,
Red Dwarf,
Doctor Who, (Matt Smith looks eccentrically adorable.)
Torchwood, (How amazing was Children of Earth?!)
Life on Mars,
Ashes to Ashes, (Roll on Series 3!)
Shark,
The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy,
X-Men,
Pirates of the Carribean 1+2,
Star Trek TOS, TNG and DS9, (I firmly believe that Voyager and Enterprise should both have been shot at birth.)
Blackadder,
Spaced,
Black Books,
The I.T. Crowd,
The Young Ones,
Auf Wiedersehen Pet,
Top Gear.
Watchmen,
Mock the Week,
QI.

Most Likely To Say:

'It's Wednesday, which means it's nearly Thursday, which means it's almost Friday, which means it's practically the end of the week!'

'I am...not what you'd call a natural driver.'

'I just accept the insanity and run with it.'

'...I thought it seemed like a good idea at the time?'

'Oh come on, work you BITCH!!'

'Let it never be said that my anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.'

'I have standards...sort of.'

'I happen to like my inner Hades. We get on reasonably well together and gang up on other people.'

'If at first you don't succeed...cheat like hell and run for the hills.'

'I don't do the rebuilding bridges thing with exes. I burn the bridges, then run like hell.'

'I'm just making it clear to him that if he ever hurts you again, even just for a second, I'll rip out his genitals via his throat.'

'When I'm the voice of sanity, you know something's wrong.'

'Sheesh. And they say romance is dead.'

'OK, you do not wanna know what I'm thinking right now.'

'I now know how it feels when all your internal organs shrivel up and die in abject horror.'

'I am going to hit you SO HARD...'

'Welcome to my world. It's a scary scary place.'

'Oh cock.'

'I point out right now that women think with the wrong part of their anatomy as well.'

The Beings of Irritation and Writer's Block AKA The Muses: Hades (Disney's Hercules), Cell, Frieza and Vegeta (Dragonball Z), and Tala Valkov (Beyblade).

The Rarely Visiting Beings of Angsty Romance Goodness AKA The Romance/Angst Muses: Mewtwo (Pokemon), Shin/Kaioshin/Supreme Kai (Dragonball Z).

Preoffered proofs of my insanity or writings...

Crossfire: Transformers fic, published 02/05/09. Some mechs are, like Soundwave, almost created to be creators. And there are others, like Shockwave, who should never be allowed to procreate...

Presents: Transformers fic, updated 30/08/09. Rumble and Frenzy should've been sparked with gags on their vocalisers. Unfortunately for Soundwave, they weren't. To make matters worse, they've now told Ratbat about a certain winter holiday...

Creations: COMPLETE. Transformers fic, completed 22/09/07. Stretch the idea of fatherhood and squint slightly; you have Soundwave. But you don't need to try imagining the Cassettes as children. They're still acting like them after several million years...

Snowmechs: (ONE-SHOT) Transformers fic, published 21/08/07. Snow does have fringe benefits, even for Soundwave and the Cassettes. Mainly embarrassing ones...

Sniffles: (ONE-SHOT) Transformers fic, published 19/07/07. Baby-sitting a sick Ratbat. The world and the Cassettes both fear...

Bathtime: (ONE-SHOT) Transformers fic, published 08/07/07. Turbo-fleas or a bath? Neither option appeals to Ravage, and he's not about to get a choice in the matter...

Gambit: COMPLETE. Doctor Who fic, completed 08/06/08. In the sewers of 1930's Manhattan, the Cult of Skaro prepares for its greatest and deadliest experiment, and Dalek Sec prepares to make the ultimate sacrifice...

Catharsis: (ONE-SHOT) Doctor Who fic, published 19/04/07. Rose never asked about his planet. Martha did. But the Doctor still won't tell her the name of his homeworld for a good reason...

Reflection: (ONE-SHOT) Doctor Who fic, published 10/01/07. As he stands by Pete Tyler's old Jeep and watches Rose's final conversation with the Doctor, Mickey Smith silently wonders who has lost the most...

Rift: COMPLETE. Doctor Who fic, completed 17/04/07. The Daleks who dared to be individuals, and dared to have names. Supreme Dalek Sec, head of the Cult of Skaro, sees all, and misses nothing. Almost nothing...

Deja Vu: (ONE-SHOT) Doctor Who fic, published 17/07/06. Banished for being right and doing what was right. It's not the first time this has happened, but even after 500 years, banishment is still a bitter pill to swallow for the Doctor...

Prometheus: COMPLETE. Doctor Who fic, completed 22/06/08. In the far outer reaches of the Solar system, among His Dalek Brethren, God watches and waits as He plots His Revenge...

One Step Behind: (ONE-SHOT) Doctor Who fic, published 20/03/06. The Seventh Doctor once said the trouble of regeneration was that you could never know what you would get. But nothing's ever that simple, and the Tenth Doctor realises that now...

Puppet: (ONE-SHOT) Doctor Who fic, published 13/03/06. In the depths of space, in a dank and decrepit prison colony, aided by a former enemy, the Emperor Davros watches the universe and waits for his quarry to return...

Last Man Standing: (ONE-SHOT) Doctor Who fic, published 18/01/06. As the Daleks advance through Satellite 5, the Doctor recalls all of those who have gone before him, and the circumstances of his eighth regeneration...

Alone: COMPLETE. Doctor Who fic, completed 04/11/05. Enter the mind of the Last Dalek...

I Won't Say It: Disney's Hercules fic, updated 10/05/06. Chapter 49 is in the works, I promise! In the meantime, enjoy the massive re-edit of all the previous chapters.

The Vision: (ONE-SHOT) Harry Potter fic, published 25/07/04. The Dog Star has disappeared, and a vision of the final battle between the One and the Dark Lord prompts Anumbis, God of the Dead, to make a dangerous decision...

Forgotten: Pokemon fic, updated 08/07/07. Angst and nastiness abound.

The Fight of a Bumblebee: (ONE-SHOT) Harry Potter fic, published 15/04/04. Harry wasn't the first person to be called the One. In 1944, the Dark Lord of the forests and the one of the strong flying light were prophesied to duel...

I Am The Borg: (ONE-SHOT) Star Trek: TNG/First Contact fic, published 01/10/03. While the Cube approaches Earth, the Borg Queen discovers when humanity is most vulnerable to attack through the memories of Locutus...

The Black Pumas: Beyblade fic, published 18/02/03. Chapter 2 is finally being written after having finally managed to get up in time to see G-Rev. (Tala Valkov = sexy redheaded beast!)

Sins of the Fathers: The Samui Saga: Dragonball Z fic, updated 11/01/03. ON HOLD - My inspiration returned a couple of weeks ago. Chapter Three is in its final stage of editing!

Sins of the Fathers: The Ionia-jin Saga: COMPLETE. Dragonball Z fic, completed 28/11/02. One thing... KITARA IS NOT A MARY-SUE! I despise Mary-Sue fics! Anyway, if she was a Mary-Sue, she'd be a Super Saiyan at the age of 5, and she'd be with Vegeta.

Tundra: (ONE SHOT) Dragonball Z fic, published 24/04/02. Lil' angsty look about what made Frieza the charming little being we all know and love.

I'll Be Watching You: (ONE SHOT) Gundam Wing fic, published 28/04/03. Songfic set after Endless Waltz, the relationship between two of the pilots is going down faster than a burning Spitfire. Shounen-ai goodness abounds, so if you don't like, don't read.

No flames please. I live with one.

22/11/06: In reference to the reviews for IWSI, and because some people haven't gotten the hint... IWSI is a DISNEY fic, therefore the Greek mythology on which it's based on has been greatly twiddled with, mostly because of my planned plotlines, but occasionally because of reasons of taste. I know about the inaccuracies, and I have done my research. I know that Hades was the eldest of the three brothers in mythology and Zeus was the youngest - this is the DISNEY version where it's the other way round. So this is my plea to everyone; PLEASE STOP REVIEWING SIMPLY TO TELL ME I'M WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING. It's annoying and condescending - anyone who does not respect my wishes will find their reviews summarily ignored, or in persistant cases, deleted. OK? Good.