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| tiffaninichole |
 Poll: Which multi-chap fic would you like to see next? Vote Now! |
Author has written 25 stories for Twilight. READ ME!!! I'll keep this short. My husband is having a few scary health problems and something weird is going on with me as well. We've been to all kinds of doctors and specialists and no one knows what it is, but suspect that it's some kind of new virus. Weird and scary. Due to this fact, I'm not gonna be in the right mindset for writing about 80% of the time. My brain just isn't up for it at this point in time. I'm not abandoning my stories, I'm just asking for your understanding and patience when I take a little longer to update. Currently working on: -Beta'ing the next chapter of Losing My Religion -The next chapter of Dodgeball! -An entry for the Curvacious and Bodacious Contest xxxxxxxxxx Random shit about me (does anyone even read these things?): -I am now posting my stories on TwiWrite.net because I'm paranoid that FFn will delete my stories. It's a really cool site, so go on and sign up! -Check me out over at TwiNetwork! -I like updating my profile when I'm PMSing and have no clue why. Yes, I'm PMSing right now. *growls at you for asking* -I wish people (i.e. teenagers) would stop writing me about how offended they are by I Suck At Summaries. It's clearly listed as Parody/Humor, so lighten the hell up. Damn! -I really suck at replying to pm's. I always plan on replying, but then something happens and I forget and next thing I know, it's seven months later and I'm just now remembering about that pm. By that time, the sender of said pm has probably forgotten all about it, so I ponder whether to even write back or not... but then I forget that I'm pondering and twenty-three years later, I still haven't responded. I suck. -In case you haven't figured it out by now, my memory is shit. -If you didn't know already, coachlady1 is my baby mama, my beta, my other half and bedazzler extraordinaire. Read her shit. NAO. -So, I'm a beta now. Apparently these two ladies trust my crazy ass to pretty up their stories. I beta arwen01's Bellsper fic, Losing My Religion and sometimes step in for her Carlisle/Bella, Saylon Dola. And blue77 writes the E/B parody How Are You Feeling Today? Check 'em out! -*points to self* Proud Jasper's Darlin', here! Join us in our swoonery over all things Jacksper. The Major makes us squeeeeee! -I despise the word "anyways" and "whilst" makes my soul burn with fury. I'll immediately stop reading a story if I see either, no questions asked. -I hate seeing Jasper as a Hale in AH fics and unless the story is really good, I most likely won't continue reading. Jasper was born Whitlock, not Hale. It irks me sofa king much when people call him Jasper Hale. Show the man some damn respect! *takes a deep breath and calms down* -If a story is based in the US with American characters and they still use words like "colour," "centre" and "arse," I will stop reading with the quickness, no matter how good the story is. That shit right there is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. -I'm 26 & married with a few chirrens running around. -I'm socially awkward and make others around me feel uncomfortable. That's how awkward I am. :-/ -I live in the Bible Belt and hate it because most Christians suck. -I'm sarcastic. -I cuss a whole fucking lot. -I've been addicted to chapstick since my toddler years and always have at least two tubes on me at all times. -I refuse to acknowledge the fact that Breaking Dawn exists. After reading that shit, my brain went into survivor mode and erased the entire book from my brain. The demon child NEVER happened. -Kristen Stewart can't act for shit. That has nothing to do with me- just thought I'd throw it out there. I don't understand how she continues to land jobs. My theory? She's a witch. There's no other explanation. -I'm a procrastinator, but I'm impatient. Contradiction: I haz it. -Black Dagger Brotherhood pwns me. -Wanna play on the twitter? xxxxxxxxx Shit that I never want to see again or I'll stab my eyes out: -"Thighs rubbing together for friction." -A clit referred to as "nub" or "nubbin." -"Waves cascading down her back." -"Licking precum from the tip." -Using precum as lube... (Seriously, if a guy has enough precum to lube up a cooch/ass, he needs to check into the nearest free clinic ASAFP, cuz something is wrong.) -A woman being so wet that the shit is soaking her thighs and dripping into a puddle of cooch juice on the floor. (Fuckin' disgusting and I suggest speeding to the nearest Gynecologist right the hell now.) -Buttsecks that mentions no use of lube. Shit like this is obviously written by a chick who's never had buttsecks, cuz I dare anyone to stick even a pinky finger in their asshole with no prep and see how uncomfortable that mess is. It ain't gonna work. -One more fucking Jasper/Bella New Moon re-write. *headdesk* -"Ministrations." -What's up with this new fascination with pinching and biting the clit, cuz I'm not understanding. That shit makes me cringe, because there's no way in hell that could ever feel good. -Bella being a wimp/crying all the fucking time. -Writers who feminize (yes, I made that up) their male characters. If you can't write like a man, keep your fic in the woman's POV. xxxxxxxxx The Trifuckta gave me the honorable title of Most Likely to Kidnap Jackson Rathbone! w00t! *gets into stalker mode* TKegl is fuckin' awesome and makes me lots of purdy banners. Look! *hopping up and down* OPERATION: Breakup Teach Me How to Dougie Bella's Dirty Notebook Dodgeball! The Tent Scene SMeyer Didn't Want You to See *snicker* -Three's Company, my collab with Kitty Cullen-03, won second place in the Public Lovin' Contest! Banner And it also won Best Lemon in the Single Shot Awards! Banner -This Summer won second place in the Alternate Shipper Contest! Banner -Too Much, my second fuckawesome brain melding with Kitty Cullen-03, won Judge's Pick in the Two is Better Than One Contest! Banner -TwistedInMasen made me this awesome bannerfor The Virginity Pact! -Ever since I began writing Bellsper stories, it's been my dream to make it into thiscommunity and I finally did! TWICE! Yippee! *does cartwheels all over the room* xxxxxxxxx Um... I don't know what else to add, so... *insert witty comment here* | |||||
1. Drunk Sex reviewsThey've been inseparable, joined at the hip, two-peas-in-a-pod best friends for years and nothing will ever change that... except liquor. Lots and lots of liquor.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,056 - Reviews: 52 - Published: 10-15-11 - Bella & Jasper - Complete2. What I Tell Myself reviewsWon Judge's Choice in the Love, Actually Contest! She's questions and bossiness and key lime pie. I tell myself not to like her— to avoid her at all costs. But the girl won't leave me alone. And I don't think I want her to.Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,329 - Reviews: 82 - Published: 7-5-11 - Bella & Jasper - Complete3. The Tent Scene SMeyer Didn't Want You to See reviewsI seriously can't think of a summary for this. It's bad. An entry for the Pineapple Awards. Read at your own risk.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Poetry/Western - Chapters: 1 - Words: 878 - Reviews: 34 - Published: 3-31-11 - Bella4. Bella's Dirty Notebook » reviewsBella keeps a notebook full of her dirtiest fantasies. One day while in a hurry to escape her domineering boss, she loses the raunchy book and is desperate to get it back before it falls into the wrong hands...Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 26,292 - Reviews: 1415 - Updated: 3-30-11 - Published: 4-15-10 - Bella & Jasper5. Dodgeball! » reviewsBella & Jasper are enemies who are constantly pranking and insulting each other, determined to have the last laugh. With the championship looming and sexual tensions building, who will be the first to crumble?Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 50,457 - Reviews: 1069 - Updated: 3-15-11 - Published: 2-14-10 - Bella & Jasper6. Bases Are Loaded reviewsMy contribution to the Iron Pen Challenge. Only it isn't a contribution because I turned it in too late. D'oh!Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 889 - Reviews: 16 - Published: 3-6-11 - Jasper & Edward - Complete7. I Suck At Summaries » reviewsBecause making fun of 12-year-olds is fun... Rated M for LEMMENS & MANSLASH! Dont like dont read! No flames!Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,182 - Reviews: 136 - Updated: 2-25-11 - Published: 2-23-10 - Bella & Edward8. Unconditional reviewsAfter escaping from an abusive relationship, Edward has difficulty accepting Jasper's unconditional love.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,103 - Reviews: 48 - Published: 1-17-11 - Jasper & Edward9. I'll Be Seeing You » reviewsJasper is an a-hole. Edward wants to do him. A series of drabbles for mw138.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 2,153 - Reviews: 111 - Published: 1-13-11 - Jasper & Edward - Complete10. The Hot Doc reviewsYes, this is E/B! Bella accompanies Rose to a doctor's appointment and can't control her naughty thoughts when she sees the hot doctor. A drabbly o/s for coachlady1's birthday.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,190 - Reviews: 59 - Published: 1-12-11 - Bella & Edward - Complete11. Too Much reviewsEdward wakes up to a world he could have never imagined and has difficulty coping with his new reality... sometimes it's just too much. A collab between Kitty Cullen-03 & tiffaninichole for the TIBTO Contest.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,973 - Reviews: 39 - Published: 1-7-11 - Jasper & Edward - Complete12. Carpe Diem reviewsWinner of the Pretty Porn Contest! Bella's daily encounters with a guy at the café never fail to leave her hot & bothered. When he offers her a startling proposition, will she be able to refuse? Probably not. Rated M for slashy threesoMe.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,387 - Reviews: 70 - Published: 11-1-10 - Bella - Complete13. The Virginity Pact reviewsWinner of the Loving Bellsper Contest! A promise is kept, a façade is cracked and baby seals are saved. A romantic love story... kind of.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,627 - Reviews: 67 - Published: 10-29-10 - Bella & Jasper - Complete14. Teach Me How To Dougie reviewsWon second place in the Teach Me the Nasty Contest! Boring, nerdy Bella agrees to enter a dance contest with friends. The problem: She can't dance. At all.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,354 - Reviews: 63 - Published: 9-12-10 - Bella & Jasper - Complete15. Random Awesomeness » reviewsBecause every collection of drabbles needs a catchy name...Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,994 - Reviews: 75 - Updated: 9-4-10 - Published: 8-16-1016. Him reviewsA string of violent kidnappings leaves the sorority houses of UT shaken. Will the new safety precautions embraced by the Beta Delta Nu house be enough to keep Bella safe from harm?Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,461 - Reviews: 44 - Published: 9-3-10 - Bella & Jasper - Complete17. OPERATION: Breakup reviewsFinalist in the Slash/Backslash 2 Contest! It's easy to say that Jasper & Edward hate each other because it's an absolute truth. Despite their mutual disdain, they agree to combine forces for one purpose: to break up their best friends. Will they succeed?Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,888 - Reviews: 129 - Published: 8-11-10 - Jasper & Edward - Complete18. Just My Luck » reviewsAlice is an international pop sensation, living out of a suitcase. Jasper is a bookworm, living with his best friends in the small town of Forks. Fate decides to intervene and bring the two together-they're about to meet in the oddest of ways. ON HIATUS.Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,406 - Reviews: 110 - Updated: 6-1-10 - Published: 3-23-10 - Alice & Jasper19. This Summer reviewsWon 2nd place in the Alt. Shipper Contest! As a spoiled heiress, Bella is a handful. Her parents, growing sick of her unappreciative attitude, decide to teach their daughter a lesson by sending her away for the summer to work on a little farm in Texas...Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,281 - Reviews: 160 - Published: 5-22-10 - Bella & Jasper - Complete20. Blind Dates » reviewsBella's a homebody who wants to be left alone. Her friends set out to change that by convincing her into going on a blind date every Saturday, until she finds true love. She's about to find out just how shallow the dating pool really is...Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 45,405 - Reviews: 368 - Updated: 4-25-10 - Published: 1-28-10 - Bella & Edward - Complete21. Three's Company reviewsWon second place in the Public Lovin' Contest! Alice and Bella are a couple who know how to have a good time. One night while out on the town, Jasper catches their eyes & libidos. They decide to give him a night he'll never forget...Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,742 - Reviews: 63 - Published: 4-1-10 - Bella & Alice - Complete22. Dirty Movie reviewsBella & Jasper are best friends/roommates who are secretly in love with each other. What happens when Jasper kidnaps Edward? Bella puts a knife to Alice's throat to get her precious Eddie back, that's what! But where does a dirty movie come into play?Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,747 - Reviews: 42 - Published: 3-12-10 - Bella & Jasper - Complete23. Sex God Hair & Chocolate Orbs reviewsBella's hair is brown and her life is boring. Until she meets Edward, the school's most infamous smirker/panty-dropper. Will they fall in love and make smutty, sweaty lemonade? Of course! Read this o/s or you'll DIE! For realz!Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,602 - Reviews: 94 - Published: 2-20-10 - Bella & Edward - Complete24. The Joys of Parenthood reviewsIt's Carlisle & Esme's anniversary and they wanna have sexy times... but alas, no one's available to babysit. Will the lovebirds still be able to have the passionate evening they had planned, or will the kiddos put a damper on their lovin?Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,010 - Reviews: 16 - Published: 2-8-10 - Esme & Carlisle - Complete25. The Motion in the Ocean » reviewsWon second place in The Littlest Peen Contest! Bella loves Edward. Edward loves Bella. But there's a LITTLE problem... Will Bella be able to look past Edward's SHORTcomings, all in the name of love?Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,217 - Reviews: 66 - Updated: 2-8-10 - Published: 1-22-10 - Bella & Edward - Complete
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