Once upon a time, a blazing meteor crashed in a remote field in Alabama. Upon impact, the meteor split right down the middle, and out I came. A kindly elderly couple stumbled upon me, a mere naked babe. Naturally, they took one look at me and thought I was the Anti- Christ. It's been downhill ever since.

Most people tend to think of themselves as misunderstood, but I'd say the opposite is true for me. No mystery here. I'm an open book, which is probably what makes it so easy for those closest to me to completely despise me. It's all good though. People make really hilarious faces when they're angry.

Random facts about me: I like vegan nachos and internet porn, and I'm wearing pink fuzzy socks right now. Toasty.

You KNOW you want the recipe for vegan nachos.