Name: Jewels

Age:Like I'm gonna tell you people.

Favorite Books: The Lord of the Rings, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, East, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Tales of the Greek Heroes, King Arthur and His Knights of the Round Table, Chronicles of Narnia, and whatever I'm reading right now.

Favorite Movies: Kindergarten Cop, Stormbreaker, Transformers, and Star Trek.

Likes: reading, video games, softball, basketball, volleyball, music, computer, TV, and CHOCOLATE.

Dislikes: School, popular girls, boys who are complete idiots, and homework.

Many people believe that Im not normal. I say that being normal is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overrated.

Every smart person is considered weird or crazy in their youth, I am included in that statement.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breath. Copy this into your profile if you'd be part of the 8 percent laughing your head off.

You stare because i'm different...( 0.0) ('.'= ) ('.'= ) ('.'= )...I stare because you're all the same.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!!"

According to the latest figures, 43 percent of all statistics are utterly worthless.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.
Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate.
Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense..
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Generally, generalizations are wrong.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.
The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?
If you can't beat them, join them. Then take over.
Whatever you are, be a good one.
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.
The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.
Belief gets in the way of learning.
If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.
We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.
If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.
Cynics are made, not born.
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

Friends will bail you out of jail the next morning, but best friends will be right there beside you in the cell saying "Man, wasn't that party great!"

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

EMO kids have cool hair.

EMO=Extravagantly Made Origami

BEARS=Butt Extremely Annoying Retard Scientists

FYI: you are NOT bringing sexy back. You don't determine who has more fun by the colour of their hair,orange is NOT the new pink, and no, my mom DIDN'T do that. so STFU

YOUTUBE myspace and I'll Google your YAHOO

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You're intoxicated by my very presence

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tasty!

Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I agree with the dictionary. gals before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies (drools Mmmmm Blaise and Draco).

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager gals (why won't this site let me show girls), we're really good at one thing, staying strong.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

Fuzzy Unicorn Celebrations Kill!

(/ /)
(O.o)
( / )

Copy the bunny to your presentation to help him achieve world domination,
and come join the dark side. (We have cookies.)

In an elevator:Act like a dog, growl at people.
Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
Blow your nose on your sleeve.
Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
Bring a chair along.
Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them (get them wrong).
Burp, and then say “mmmm...tasty!”
Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Challenge people to games of hide-and-seek.
Clutch your stomach and gasp.
Collapse on the floor when the elevator goes up, then get up and look embarrassed.
Collect an elevator tax.
Count down from 100,000 out loud.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball!
Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
Eat jello through a straw.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
Give people lectures about the periodic table of elements
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Guard the button panel so no one can touch it. Growl and bite at anyone’s fingers who attept to cross you.
Have a picnic in the elevator.
Have a seizure.
Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
Hug yourself.
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
Hum the theme to Jeopardy
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them "was it good for you too?"
Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling stories of your native island.
Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
Lean against the button panel.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: “Noogie patrol coming!”
Leave a box between the doors.
Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.)
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Make farm noises.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Make sure the emergency phone is working.
Meow occasionally.
Move your desk in to the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
Offer hitman services.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
Open a lemonade stand.
Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.
Pick your nose.
Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
Play dead.
Play patty--cake with the door.
Play the harmonica.
Pour water on the front of your trousers, so it looks like you have wet yourself, tell everyone who comes in to the elevator, that you had a little accident.
Pray to Buddha.
Preach about the end of the world.
Pretend to be dead and lie on the elevator floor.
Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Read a book upside down.
Recite poetry in monotone.
Request for people to watch you Riverdance.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
Scratch yourself.
Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
Shadow box.
Shave.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
Sing: "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerve's, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, i know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and it goes like this!" to the tune of "camp town lady"...pause...repeat...continually.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”
Start a sing-along.
Start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" and ask people what comes next.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
Tap dance.
Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.
Tell everyone about your love life.
Tell people you can see their aura.
Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
Throw a party in the vator!
Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Wear a basketball jersey. Show everyone your armpit. Works best if you get a good workout and don't use deodorant.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Wear a Santa suit...in June.
Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers
When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming let me out!
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now... motion sickness!”
When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they’ll open again.”
When the doors close pretend you arm got caught in it.
When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
When the elevator reaches another passenger’s floor, scream and collapse in front of the door.
When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, “hide it...quick!” then whistle innocently.
Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Whoever said, "Nothing's impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.

Being mature is overrated.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide!

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, TheLastWildflowerGirl, juliana677

FRIENDS:never ask anything to eat or drink

BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS:Call your parents M. Mrs and grandma and grandpa

BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAM we really messed up

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore

FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall

BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain

BESTFRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected

BESTFRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

FRIENDS: When you get thrown in jail will come bail you out

BESTFRIENDS: will be in there with you going "Damn, we fucked up."

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down you number

BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BESTFRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS: Will leave you behind if thats what everyone else is doing

BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BESTFRIENDS: Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)

BESTFRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think you've had enough

BESTFRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you know we don't waste

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BESTFRIENDS: Will repost this shit

1.Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.

2.Do not talk to fictional characters in public.

3.Do not answer fictional characters in public.

4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public

5. Do not go out in public.

6. Disregard above note.Perform numbers 1 to 4.

7.Note expressions.

8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9.Floor is slippery when wet.

10.Lake is slippery when dry.

11.Only talk to strangers you know.

12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.

13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.

14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15.Kill them for security purposes.

16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18.The men in white coats are not your friends.

19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.

20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24.Always remember, um... um... Damn.

25.Train army of flying monkeys.

26.Goldfish don't like milk.

27.Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28.Find out who invented the word "pianoist".

29.People are staring at you.

30.So act insane.

31.People are weird, but not as weird as me.

32.Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.

33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible.

35.You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.

36.Never pet a burning dog.

37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.

38.Naked men dig parkas.

39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

40.You know what would look good on you?

41.Immolated cockroaches.

42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43.The size of Danny DeVito.

44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. O~O

45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46.Stalking is fun. Do it more.

47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"

48.No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.

49.That way is rum.

50.Constipated people don't give a sh-t.

52.You cannot kill the snow.

53.The snow can kill you.

54.Grass can also kill you.

55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...

56.Catch and castrate leprechaun.

57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.

58.Staple paper in the middle of the page.

59.In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

60.You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61.Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.

62.Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.

63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.

65.Remember to kill HIM...

66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67.Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.

70.Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions.

71.Eat the evidence.

72.But not if it's broken glass.

73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.

74.Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.

75.Disregard last note.

76.Note reactions.

77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

78.Stock up on ball point pens.

79.Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

81.Do not stick fingers into blender.

82.Blender... Bad... Ouch.

83.Blood loss is bad.

84.Find way to re-attach fingers.

85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86.Answer every question with a question.

87.Ask people what gender they are.

88.Note reactions.

89.Refer to people as "mortal".

90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92.Start by drowning them in fire ants.

93.Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94.Kill them.

95.Brutally.

96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

97.Dunk head in boiling water.

98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.

99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling!

100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...

TOP TEN Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.
1. " ... AMEN!"

WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS:

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply.

35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.

36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.

37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.

39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if heshe did it.

42. Dress like the professor.

43. Cross-Dress.

44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

List Of Things To Do:

1. See if bookworms bounce.
2. Achieve this by throwing self down stairs.
3. Find something to become obsesssed with.
4. Research the word 'Oxymoronic'.
5. Prove everyone else wrong.
6.Conduct experiments into the electrical conductivity of cheese.
7. Work out what the heck E=MC2 means.
8. Conquer the world. Before breakfast.
9. Put some Ragu on a sled, and push it down a hill.
10. Kidnap an imaginary book character.
11. Sharpen hockey stick.
12. Hit someone with aforementioned hockey stick.
13. Find somewhere to hide from police.
14. Run around screaming 'The angels have got the phone box!' Not how many odd looks, panicked expressions, laughs and weird burst of blue light I get.
15. Buy chocolate spread. Have it on crumpets.
16. Become a master hypnotist.
17. Hypnotize a pineapple.
18. Lick my elbow.
19. Paint the entire house bright green.
20. Find something rhyming with 'silver'.
21. Find how many people think 'orange' sonds like 'guillible', when said slowly.
23. Avoid mindwipe.
24. Find Itex. Blow it up.
25. Actually, get some bombs. And an AK-47. Then blow Itex up.
26. Grow wings.
27. Get admitted to a mental institution, then initiate a mass break-out.
28. Spontaneously combust.
29. Find out where they store the Rubellium...
30. Kill whoever thought up homework. In worst way possible.
31. For the above, I need the TARDIS. Gp find that first. And steal it. And run away from a very angry Doctor about to skewer me with a sonic screwdriver.
32. Work out where the pretty lights come from.
33. Find number 22.
34. Try not to think abut fluorrescent penguins for a whole 5 minutes.
35. Duck punches currently being aimed at head.
36. Laugh manically.
37. Create a horcrux. Actually, make someone who I really hate do it.
38. Breath underwater.
39. Grab a random passer by. Waltz with them.
40. Convince somebody that there are faries living under the earth.
41. Eat pot of pesto. With no pasta.
42. Become emo ninja.
43. Scream 'I like CHEESE!' whenever anyone asks you a question. Then proceed to hop in circles before collapsing on the ground.
44. Squirt ketchup all over furniture. Claim to have been attacked by vengfull nargles.
45. Look for missing socks. If in doubt, ask Iggy.
46. Do homework that was due in for last week.
47. Listen to song. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, until imprinted on conciousness.
48. Teach everyone the dead pinyata dance.
49. Play with fire.
50. Run away to join the circus.
51. Get another chainsaw. Last one broke half way through sawing someones head off...
52. Hit people over the head for no appareent reason, before running away. Cackle manically while doing so.
53. Repeat what people say. At the exact time they say it. Ooh, tricky. You need to be phsycic for this.
54. If someone says they're worried, reply with, 'Don't worry. I've got a toothpick. Nothing can go wrong!'
55. Add 'doom' on the end of everything, eg. 'Please pass me the carrots of doom' or 'That rabbit of doom doesn't look very well, does it?'
56. Mkae asbltoeuly no sesne.
57. Find an obscure town in an obscure country on Google Earth. Tell everyone it has the key to immortality somewhere near it.
58. Poke rocks. If asked why, say, 'For no good reason.'
59. Stare at the sky. When a sizeable number of people have joined the staring, quitely walk away, and observe from a nearby, comfortable spot just how long the crowd stays there.
60. Become paranoid.
61. Ask a complete stranger if they'll marry me. Propose using a grapefruit.
62. Hit people over the head with books.
63. Hide computer first, so it doesn't get confiscated... like last time...
64. Hide it underground.
65. Hope seismology sensors don't pick up the vibrations...
66. KETCHUP SANDWICHES!
67. Lizxy... hehehehehehe... hehehehehehehehe... Lizxy, hehehehe...
68. Hoard all the shiny stuff in house. Pile it on chair. Say, over and over, 'My precious!' in creepy Golum accent.
69. Get a motto. Something odd.
70. Wonder if anyone is actully reading this.
71. Turn all the baked bean cans upside down in Tescos. If questioned, it was caused by a bump in the fabric of the time-space contium...