Hi!!

My name is (was) one of your biggestfansL.R. I live in TX, USA. NO, I am not a hick. :) I'm a girl, and am fluent in English(duh, I live in America) and Spanish.

ATTTTTEEEENNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN!!

If I don't get at least 20 reviews, I am NOT updating my story at all. The six chapters that are there will stay there. No more chapters until I get at least 20 reviews.

I love the following fanfics:(and please give me time to put them all in)

No Matter What (Ayns and Sky)

all of Ayns and Sky's fanfics

The Disappointing Journey (Rose Dragonfly)

It's A Grimm Life (LaVostraAngeloCustode)sorry if I mispelled it

and pretty much all of the Sisters Grimm fanfics

the one about Eragon (I think it's calledRayne)

MiniRide: forgot the author (sorry)

that one where Max has an e-mail(Lalalyssa14@yahoo.com)

and TRUST, it is so awesome

and mine, of course! (smiles while contemplating your death if you don't read&review.Warning: I will get you in your sleep with three ordinary objects: a rock, scissors, and paper. Be scared. Be very scared. )Oops, time to take my pill. Aah, that's better! What did I type in momentary insanity? Oh my holy kitties in space! Sorry for freaking you out!

And a whole lot others, but I don't feel like typing them (sorry)

LIKES:

looking at pics of the lightning thief, decided looking at Logan Lerman was getting boring(oh, well), reading, books(duh:)), fanfiction, writing, cookies, my kitty, named Kitty, my ability to read very fast, Sisters Grimm fanfics, like Ayns and Sky's fics, also Crystal Darkness, Rose Dragonfly, St. Fang of Boredom, lavostredeangelo, LaraD., and blah blah, oh! nearly forgot, reading people's profiles (if they're funny), and using the skills I learn like: how to be annoying in Wal-Mart, and in other places!Like school, and using Literary Lexicon to describe people around my desk in ELA.

DISLIKES:

slow stuff, annoying people, people who don't update their stories,(I'm talking to you, Rose Dragonfly and lavostredelangelo!), and waiting. Also, half the cheerleaders at my school (really, only like two I can actually stand. For like one minute.) Christopher Paolini (you sucked in Brisingr), the girl who's going to play Annabeth in TLT, the casting director for the lightning thief, (hello, she's twenty-four and NOT a blonde), and people who call me strange. Shut up, I'm wonderful. And people who read Twilight the day before it came out. Puh-thetic, that's what I call it. I read it in fifth grade, and cheered when they announced (in december of 2007) they were going to make a movie, and watched Twilight the day it came out. And was the first person to read it at my elementary school (except for Hanna).

FAVORITE BOOKS: Holy monkeys from L-topia! This is going to take a LONG time (and in no particular order)

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Marked, Betrayed, Chosen, Untamed, Hunted, Tempted, The Lightning Thief, The Sea of Monsters, The Titan's Curse, The Battle of the Labyrinth, The Last Olympian, The Demigod Files, The Luxe, Rumors, Envy, Splendor, The Clique, Best Friends for Never, Revenge of the Wannabes, Invasion of the Boy Snatchers, The Pretty Committee strikes back, and the rest of the Clique series, and the Gossip Girl series, and the 39 clues, Sisters Grimm, Eragon series (the Inheritance Cycle, so dumb a name), The Gemma Doyle trilogy, The It Girl series, The Pretty Little Liars series, Alpha Academy, The Black Tattoo, The red thread, The Red Necklace, The silver blade, Cirque du Freak series, The Hunger Games trilogy, Code Orange, What happened to Cass McBride?, The Vampire Academy series, Hottie, The Goose Girl, Wicked Lovely, Ink Exchange, Fragile Eternity, Poseur series, Secrets of My Hollywood life, and maybe the A-List, and Oh. My. Gods., and Goddess Boot Camp, The Tree Shepherd's Daughter, The Magic in Manhattan series, Maximum Ride series (love those!), A Little Princess, Black Beauty, Little Women, Anne of Green Gables series, The Secret Garden, Avalon High, All-American Girl, Artemis Fowl series, The Great Tree of Avalon series, The Babysitters Club series(read all), Best Christmas Pageant Ever!, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, Blue Bloods series, Charlie and the Chocolate factory, Matilda, the Witches, Chronicles of Vladimir Tod, City of Ember series, Coraline, Daughters of the Moon, Dragonlance, Tokyo Mew Mew, Evernight series, Evermore, The Tenth Circle, Nineteen Minutes, My Sister's Keeper, Number the Stars, The Watsons go to Birmingham, Pendragon series, the Little House series, the Rose years series, the mom and grandma's years of Laura Ingalls Wilder, the Outsiders(nearly cried at the end), the Junie B. Jones series (shut up, they're awesome!), the Fudge series, Otherwise known as Sheila the Great, Inkheart series, the Immortals series by Alison Noel, Hoot, Holes, Heir Apparent, Heirs series, Heartland, Nancy Drew(I have a first edition of Nancy Drew, dated 1930-something), Harry Potter, Graceling, Girl with a Pearl earring, Gallagher Girls, Flipped, the Fire Within series, Princess Diaries, the Dear America series, and the Royal Diaries series, Privilige series, Fake Boyfriend, the Swan Kingdom, The Fetch, Rowan Hood series, the Sisterhood of the Traveling pants, Uglies series, True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle, Vampire Diaries, the Yearling (sob, FLAAAAG!), Airhead, and the rest I'll update later, oh, my hands are going to strangle me for the torture of so much typing, Goodbyeeee!! For now. And a whole bunch more.

Things I just felt like typing:

'Meet Me Halfway' reminds me of Briar and Jake Grimm, which made me sad (curse you, MB!)

I just fell off my hammock (outside), and my mom nearly dropped my iPod laughing(she was listening to AJ) (who is alejandro something-I don't really care)

I just looked at my hands and remembered my hands look exactly like my grandma's and my mom's

I wrote a stroy!, and figured out I spelled story wrong, oops!

I'm bored, so goodybye!

SHOUTOUTS:

Me: Take the sleeping pill already, and quit freaking us out. (my brain writes to me, does yours do that? Nope? Ha!)

FilmCow: Charlie is awesome. I am naming my first child that. Charlotte for a girl, Charlie for short

TO MY FREAKISHLY AWESOME REVIEWERS: PLEASE EMAIL ME WITH HOW TO UPDATE MY STORY. IT WON'T LET ME PUT THE SECOND CHAPTER! Okay, never mind! Figured out. (somehow)

Thank you for all your reviews!

Have any of you watched "Charlie the Unicorn"? (Shun the nonbeliever! Shuuuun!) the blue and the pink unicorns

(Blullulululul) the pink and blue unicorns with their tongues sticking out.

(Charlie! We're from the future!) the unicorns

(Sprinkles! Sprinkles!) the pink unicorn from Charlie's back.

(Ring ring, hello? Ring, ring hello?) the pink&blue unicorns

(We have a bad connection!) Charlie, to the pink&blue unicorns (look at the convo up)

(Gluba gluba) the unicorns scuba diving in the air, I so wish could do that

Hey, my kitty's sleeping! He is just so adorable. Wait, poke! He just went mmrrph. That, my fellow readers, is called an onamonapeioa? Whatever. So much for me trying to seem smart.

Well, off to fix my story! Read it! And email me! I read all reviews!

One very important thing: If you read my story, please review. You can put "good", or "bad". I even accept anonymous. Be kind, and review for little old me.

Except I'm not old. I'm barely 4'11, which sucks. But at least I'm taller than my mom. Hee hee. And we are NOT dwarfs.

Do not even think of putting my mom and I in freak shows. I shall probably turn into that freak from Cirque du Freak. (I'm a shove my head up your ass!)- that's what the freak said when confronting the weird vampires. I cried laughing.

I need reviews! They are life sustaining! Please write some! Even one word will do!

BOLD COOKIES: (sorry, the person who's brain I reside in might be a little insane. She just copied a whole bunch of nonsense from other people's profiles. Sincerely, Conscience)

If you have your own little world, copy and paste

If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance you thought imposible to choke on), copy this in your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile. (I have, and her name was Lynnabeth)

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

~pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. (many, many times)

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you've ever busted a move/ burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (but not as as weird as you) put this on your profile

If you can be quiet one second and hyper in another, but don't have mood swings, copy this in your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy this onto it to make it even longer

If you have ever copy and pasted something copy and paste this onto your profile (Or Else!)

If you're going to criticise someone, first walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Last night, I was lying on my bed, staring up at the stars and wondering 'Where the heck is my roof?'

I want to do that thing when you put a map of the world on your wall and put pins in all the places you've been to. But first, I'll have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it doesn't fall down.

Ten percent of people in Britain believe that their food has a party when they shut the fridge door.

If you get sent to jail, a friend will bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, "Darn, we sure screwed up!"

Why is rap so named? Becasue the'c' fell off at the printer.

Whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

"Wal-Mart, do they, like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Music is like candy - you throw away the rappers.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his freinds,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER

This blonde is driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat.

She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while.

When she can't stand it any more, she calls out to the blonde in the field,
'Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?'

The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, 'Because it is an ocean of wheat.'

The blonde standing at the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field,

'It is dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.'

The blonde in the field just shrugs her shoulders and begins rowing again.

The blonde on the side of the road is beside herself and shakes her fist at the blonde in the field yelling,
'If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"

If you hate those mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy and paste this on your profile

If you like being utterly random copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventalated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile

92 percent of the population has moved onto rap. If your one of the two percent who still rocks, copy and paste this on your profile

If you've ever laughed so hard tears streamed down your face, you banged your repeatedly on a table, and received weird looks from everyone in the immediate vicinity, copy and paste this in your profile. (ALSO: We (My socstudies class) were getting our hearing&vision checked, and we were loudly talking, so the principal comes out and says, "I am ugly right now as you are seventh graders, but I will get even uglier next year." And I erupted into laughter, banging my head against the wall. Get it? She 's already uglu, but is going to get even more ugly next year! If you don't e-mail or PM me, and I'll explain my randomness)

If you have ever had an argument with yourself and LOST, copy and paste this on you profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes copy this on your profile (or more)

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the conversation copy this on your profile (You have NO idea)

Too many people are on crack. If you're not, then add this to your bio. ( I don't need to be for me to act stupid)

Drugs are bad news. (No DUH!) Spread the word.

If you think girls should rule the world and that it would be a better place copy this onto your profile

If you can listen to a song and match some of the lyrics up to your life copy and paste this onto your profile. (I matched "Fifteen" to my mom's life)

If you absolutely LOVE to sing even though you may or may not suck copy and paste this onto your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. (i JUST FOUND OUT)

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a chocoholic copy this into your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this into your profile.

If you think that people who don't like PJO are crazy/stupid/losers, copy this into yor profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever made up your own language just for fun, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing copy and paste this into your profile.

if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (I find that I am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you love random copy and paste quotes, copy and paste this on your profile! ;-)

16 Things to do when you're in Wal-Mart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

16. When you are at the cash paying, ask: "Can I have fries with that?"

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs at you and trips you again.

()()
(0.0)
( _ )

Paste the bunny on your profile and join the dark side! (We have cookies!AND MILK) isn't he just ADORABLE? the parent of all plot bunnies!

Below are some wickedly awesome Random Philosophies. If you want the full list, go to MC FooFoo's profile:

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

EMO--Extravagently Made Origami

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

Annoying things to do on an elevator: read this!:) very funny!!

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!!.

Weird is under-rated. Copy and paste this in your profile, if you agree and add your name to the list: Celiana, SuperSidney, Wisegirl101, tHeSmIlEyFaCeOfYoUrNiGhTmArEs, Sister to the Dark Lord, Curlscat, booksrmyworld4evah

If you have insanly annoying siblings copy and paste this on your profile

If you like being utterly random copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes copy this on your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you were going to say it copy this on your profile

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

The "You no like, you no read" club: If you believe that people who don't like someone's story should simply not read it instead of posting cruel and hateful reviews, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Alicia's Purple Velvet Purse, changelingchild, crimsonchidori, SasukeSakuraxXXxItachiSakura, cherryredblossom,BLOSSOMHEARTXOXO,CrUsHeD CaNdY kIsSeS,fairy246, The.One.And.Onlii.Bethii, Sister to the Dark Lord, Curlscat, booksrmyworld4evah

If you have ever done anything stupid in your life, copy and paste this into your profile (A comment from Sister to the Dark Lord: Who hasn't?)

If your friends act like idiots and you keep relativley sane copy and paste this into your profile

If you tend to laugh your arse off at funny FanFics and everyone thinks you're wierd copy and paste this into your profile

(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

(2)Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

92 percent of American teens would die if Fang told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would tell Fang to get over himself and then shove him back in your basement where he belongs. Then, you would resurrect the 92 percent of overzealous fangirls and use them as your zombie army to take over Canada and rename it Canadia where you would rule as Queen with Fang by your side as your extremely hot king who has no real political power except to stand there and make you look good.

Amanda helped me come up with the idea for this one:

95 percent of American teen girls would rush in a mob to every sperm bank if Robert Pattinson announced that he had donated sperm. Copy this to your profile if you would be part of the 5 percent holding a gun, watching the mob rush by, and picking off the weaklings...

-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Stop the Pairing Wars!

By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people that like them.

You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.

You shalt have your opinions but shalt not insult pairings.You shalt avoid them if you hate them.

You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.

You shalt paste this in your profile.

ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS THAT SCARE ME:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

DEATH OF AN OLD AND TRUE FRIEND:

I got this from Randomitis Sufferer, who got it from BellaRide28. This is so true:

One of my best friends died recently; I'm really upset. He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. My friend was a paragon of amazing. His name was Common Sense. I am sorry to inform you of his demise. Mourn with me.

Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies…

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Rest In Peace, my old friend.

Got this from ST. Fang of Boredomm(from a fanfic)

Saint and Fang's Playlist

This is Max's Flock

Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something great?

Come with us and you will see
James Patterson's greatest dream

This is Max's Flock, this is Max's Flock
Flying by in the dead of night

This is Max's Flock, flying by, down your block
Beating down Erasers in epic fights
It's our book, and with luck
We'll be part of Max's Flock

I am the one who can read your mind
And change my shape in the blink of an eye

I am the one who can copy your voice
And let out my own special skill by choice

This is Max's Flock, this is Max's Flock

Max's Flock! Max's Flock! Max's Flock! Max's Flock!
In this book, we call home
Everyone hail to James Patterson's will

In this book, don't we love it now?
Everybody's waiting for the next surprise

Round that corner, Ari's hiding in a trash can

He's waiting to pounce, and how you'll...

Scream!

This is Max's Flock
Feathery, furry, flying through skies!

Isn't this cool?

Well, isn't it fine?
Fly once, fly twice
Take a chance and roll the dice
Ride with The Flock in the dead of night

Everybody cheer, everbody cheer

In this book by Jimmy P!

I am the girl who speaks too fast
And no metal object can fly past

I am the one who's sight is gone
But I can still make the perfect bomb

I am the one who is dark as night
You won't see me 'till I'm ready to fight

This is Max's Flock, this is Max's Flock
Max's Flock! Max's Flock! Max's Flock! Max's Flock!
Max's Flock! Max's Flock!

Itex is trying to take us down
But we won't stop until they drown

That's our job, but we're not bad
Just what they've done to us makes us mad

In this book

Don't we love it now?

Everyone's waiting for the next surprise!

Maximum Ride might catch an Eraser in the back
And he'll scream like a banshee
He will jump out of his skin
This is Max's Flock, whitecoats scream
Won't ya please make way for a very special girl

Our girl Max is Leader of the this book's Flock
Everyone hail to Maximum Ride!

This is Max's Flock, this is Max's Flock
Max's Flock! Max's Flock! Max's Flock! Max's Flock!

In this book we call home
Everyone hail to James Patterson's will

La la-la la, Max's Flock! Max's Flock!

Fangalicious

(With editing help from Saint, hence second verse.)

Anything in ( ) is the chorus, obviously.

Spiffy and Pooky:

Four, tres, two, uno

Listen' up y'all 'cause this is it
The beat that we're bangin' is delicious

Fang:

Fangalicious definition
Make them girls go loco
They want my treasure
So they get their pleasures from my photo

You can see me, you can't squeeze me
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy
I got reasons why I tease 'em
Girls just come and go like seasons

Fangalicious
(So delicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that stuff is fictitious

They blow kisses
(Mwah)
All the fangirls on the block, block
And they be linin' down that block
Just to watch what I got
(Four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious
(It's hot, hot)
So delicious
(All the girls on the block, block)
So delicious
(They want a taste of what I got)
I'm Fangalicious
(T-t-tasty, tasty)

Saint:

Saintalicious def-
Saintalicious def-
Saintalicious def-

Saintalicious definition
Make them boys just faint
I always claim I own them
And people 'round here call me Saint
(Hey Saint)

I'm just the S to the A, I, N, to the T
And can't no other lady write it down like me

I'm Saintalicious
(So delicious)
My writing stays vicious
I be up on the comp'
Just workin' on my fiction

Fang's my witness
(Ooh wee)
I drive this boy up a wall, wall
And he be livin' in my closet
Because he's what I got
(Four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious
(It's hot, hot)
So delicious
(I drive this boy up a wall, wall)
So delicious
(They want to read what I got)
I'm Saintalicious
Hold hold hold hold hold up, check it out

Baby, baby, baby
If you want an update
Honey, get some patience
Maybe then you'll get a taste

Of my fanfiction
It'll be an new edition
It's so McAwesomne
It'll make you crazy

Fang's Fangirls:

T, to the A, to the S-T-Y, Why, Fang you tasty
T, to the A, to the S-T-Y, Why, Fang you tasty

D, to the E, to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
To the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the...

Saint and Fang:

Hit it Iggy!

Iggy:

All the time I turn around hear fans gather 'round
Always talkin' to me up and down, askin' 'bout my
(Uh)
I just wanna say it now I ain't tryin' to round up drama
But Saint I wanna take Justin's dad

And I know we're comin' off just a little bit conceited
And we keep on repeatin' 'bout how we're delicious
But we're tryin' to tell, that we can't be treated like clientele

'Cause they say I'm Igalicious
(So delicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that stuff is fictitious

They blow kisses
(Mwah)
The beach bunnies on the rock, rock
And they be linin' down the block
Just to watch what I got

(T-t-tasty, tasty)

(Four, tres, two, uno.)

All:

So delicious
(Ay, ay, ay, ay)
So delicious
(Ay, ay, ay, ay)
So delicious
(Ay, ay, ay, ay)
Fictionalicious, t-t-t-tasty tasty.
(Ay, ay, ay, ay)

Fangirls:

T, to the A, to the S-T-Y, Why, Fang you tasty
T, to the A, to the S-T-Y, Why Saint you tasty
T, to the A, to the S-T-Y, Why, Ig you tasty
T, to the A, to the, to the, to the, to the
(Four, tres, two, uno)

To the D, to the E, to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
To the D, to the E, to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
To the D, to the E, to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
To the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the, to the
(Four, tres, two, uno)

T, to the A, to the S-T-Y, Why, Fang you tasty
T, to the A, to the S-T-Y, Why, Saint you tasty
T, to the A, to the S-T-Y, Why, Ig you tasty
T, to the A, to the, to the, to the, to the
(Four, tres, two, uno)

To the D, to the E, to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
To the D, to the E, to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
To the D, to the E, to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
To the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the...

Bird-Boy Casanova

by: Saint

Also known as her warning to all girls about yours truly.

Ooohhh, oh! Ooohhh, oh! Ooohhh, oh!

You better take it from me
That boy is like a disease
He's runnin', he's tryin' to hide and he's
wonderin' why I won't let him free.

He's like a curse
He's like a drug
You get addicted to his love
He wants to get out but I'm holdin' him down
'cause I can't live without one more
feathered touch

He's a, a good time bird-boy casanova leanin'
up against the record machine
Looks like your dark guardian angel but
He's feather-coated misery
He's the devil in disguise
A hawk with dark eyes
And he only comes out at night
He gives you feelings that you don't want to
fight
You better run for your life

Oooohhh Ohh
Oooohhh Ohh

I see that look on your face
You girls don't hear what I say
So I'll say it again cause I been where
you been and now 'cause of me he
can't get away

Dont even look in his eyes
He'll tell you nothin' but lies
And you want to believe but you won't be decieved if you listen to me and take my advice

He's a, a good time bird-boy casanova leanin'
up against the record machine
Looks like your dark guardian angel but
He's feather-coated misery
He's the devil in disguise
A hawk with dark eyes
And he only comes out at night
He gives you feelings that you don't want to
fight
You better run for your life

Run, run away dont let him mess with
your mind

He'll tell you anything you wanna hear
He'll break your heart, it's just a matter
of time

But just remember,

He's a, a good time bird-boy casanova leanin'
up against the record machine
Looks like your dark guardian angel but
He's feather-coated misery
He's the devil in disguise
A hawk with dark eyes
And he only comes out at night
He gives you feelings that you don't want to
fight

You better run for your life
Ooohhh oh
You better run for your life
Ooohhh oh You better run for your life
Oh You better run for your life

Reasons I don't believe in humanity anymore:

My friend told my crush I liked him, and now I'm depressed. I will get more happy if you give me more reviews! Support for the wounded?

My other friend told another friend of mine that I liked my crush

And all that happened today

My crush kept looking at me weirdly, and now I know why.

And I confronted my "best friend" while she was talking to him, and he was whispering, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." So I cut in, of course, and promptly started screaming at her, while he just smiled, and laughed.

And then he wanted to know what I was screaming at her for, yet his grin showed exactly what I was screaming about. I even heard my friend telling him, but waited patiently until the end of the day to yell at her.

Please, someone, review so that I may be happy, and I won't commit suicide. Seriously, I am contemplating it! And maybe send me some Advill? Or some meds? PLEASE!!

I am so over that now (my conscience is pissed. It says I'm lying. Oh well.)

FAVORITE QUOTES/SAYINGS

Albert Einstein-Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Nancy Mitford-I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

Homer Simpson-I don't have to be careful, I have a gun.

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Smile and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think you're on drugs.

You! Out of the Gene Pool - Now!

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, Tigress5674, booksrmyworld4evah

FUN FACTS:

Phobatrivaphobia is the fear of trivia about phobias. (Why would anyone need a word for that?)

One million Americans, about 3,000 each day, take up smoking each year. Most of them are children. (That's so sad.)

Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon. (Does anyone else think that's disgusting?)

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice cream in your back pocket. (Why would anyone WANT to?)

The hairless area of roughened skin at the tip of a bear's snout is called the rhinarium. (I will never, ever use that. Ever.)

Boys who have unusual first names are more likely to have mental problems than boys with conventional names. Girls don't seem to have this problem. (I KNEW girls were smarter than boys!)

During WWII, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs. (What idiot thought of that?)

Each month, there is at least one report of UFOs from each province in Canada.

Albert Einstein never wore any socks.

Ants don't sleep.

Pigs can become alcoholics. (Where are they getting the alcohol?)

In the U.S., Frisbees outsell footballs, baseballs and basketballs combined. (Woo-hoo! Go Frisbee!)

Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes on one foot.

MySpace reports over 110 million registered users. Were it a country, it would be the tenth largest, just behind Mexico.

Most dreams last only 5 to 20 minutes.

Streets in Japan do not have names.

From the 1850's to the 1880's, the most common reason for death among cowboys in the American West was being dragged by a horse while caught in the stirrups.

The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20 of the world's oxygen supply.

The aorta, the largest artery in the body, is almost the diameter of a garden hose. (That's crazy!)

Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.

The average person's left hand does 56 percent of the typing.

In Ohio, it's illegal to kill and trap mice without a license.

The Chinese idiogram for "trouble" depicts two women living under one roof.

The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.

Any dot in punctuation (i.e. a period, dot above the letters i and j, etc.) is called a "tittle".

In 1980, Namco released PAC-MAN, the most popular video/arcade game of all time. The original name was going to be PUCK MAN, but executives saw the potential for vandals to scratch out part of the P in the game's marquee and labeling.

A rainbow can only be seen in the morning or late afternoon.

Harrison Ford has a species of spider named after him.

Nearly 87 of the 103 people polled in 1977 were unable to identify correctly an unlabeled copy of the Declaration of Independence. (Okay, that's just sad.)

The U.S. has more bagpipe bands than Scotland does. (This, unfortunately, shows that Scotland has better taste in music.)

Kermit the Frog is left-handed.

Twelve percent of men never use their car blinkers.

If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. For when a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

A recent study at Harvard has shown that eating chocolate can actually help you live longer.

The U.S. military's dried food rations can be rehydrated with urine. (I would much rather eat dry food, thank you very much.)

It takes about a week to make a jelly bean.

U.S. gold coins used to say, "In Gold We Trust".

Every minute in the U.S., six people turn seventeen.

In downtown Lima, Peru, there is a large brass statue dedicated to Winnie the Pooh.

Triskaidekaphobia means fear of the number 13. Paraskevidekatriaphobia means fear of Friday the 13th (which occurs one to three times a year). In Italy, 17 is considered an unlucky number. In Japan, 4 is considered an unlucky number.

Elephants only sleep for two hours each day.

In an episode of The Simpsons, Sideshow Bob's Criminal Number is 24601, the same as the Criminal Number of Jean Valjean in Les Miserables.

All polar bears are left-handed.

Rudyard Kipling refused to write with anything other than black ink.

One out of twenty people have an extra rib.

If you went out into space, you would explode before you suffocated because there's no air pressure.

The first toilet ever shown on television was on Leave it to Beaver.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

According to Scientific American magazine: if you live in the northern hemisphere, odds are that every time you fill your lungs with air at least one molecule of that air that had passed through Socrates' lungs.

The equivalent of calling someone a jerk in English is calling them a pickle in French.

Although most people think Napolean was short, he was actually 5'6", and average for a Frenchman in those days.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death. (It actually makes sense in a weird way.)

In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either "unbathed" or "poorly dressed".

Just that Kind of Girl

I'm the kind of girl who gets straight As in every subject, (well, I used to)but still can't operate a fan by use of a simple knob.

I'm the kind of girl who laughs at... nothing.

I'm the kind of girl who gets on the bad side of a teacher by correcting their grammar. (hello, coach welchel!)

I'm the kind of girl who has a picture of Joe Jonas pasted to my dart board. DIE YOU STUPID JONAS BROTHER!

I'm the kind of girl who cried when Briar Rose died in the Sisters Grimm series. (is still hiccupping)

I'm the kind of girl who walks into the Mental Hospital and greets the receptionist by name.(laughs nervously)

I'm the kind of girl who can hold a conversation with you for fifteen minutes and then ask, "What was your name again?"

I'm the kind of girl who reads rather than watching television.

I'm the kind of girl who is considered weird.

But I'm also the kind of girl who is honest.

Caring.

Helpful.

Loving.

Kind.

Loyal.

Unique.

Generous.

Selfless.

Encouraging.

So maybe being this kind of girl isn't so bad after all. (I guess...)

How Gullible are We?

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project, he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

And for plenty of good reasons, since:

1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. It is a major component in acid rain
3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. Accidental inhalation can kill you
5. It contributes to erosion
6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water. The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?" He feels the conclusion is obvious.

Barney = Satan

The truth is finally known! Barney seems innocent and sweet but in fact he is Satan. It's all very simple:

1) Start with the given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

2) Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway): CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

3) Extract all Roman Numerals: C V V L D I V

4) Convert into Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5

5) Add all the numbers: 666

Thus, Barney is Satan.