Name: JumpFrog

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Age; As of... now, taken off. Come on, you don't need to know my age to know that I am awesome... hey, I try to be... *sniff*

Random Info: Yes, I am into 'dark/serious' Naruto stories. My temporary obsession with such stories stems[-ed] from the over-bearing amount of bullshit that this site's so-called authors and Kishimoto tried to throw in all of our faces. Some people ate it up. I din't.

Recently, I looked over some of my fics, and I got scared. Really scared. Shit-my-pants-pissed-myself type of scared. The quality of some of them is at a point where if I was the reader, I would have stopped reading from the second paragraph. And that scares me. So I'll try to replace them with better chapters/plot as time goes on, so can at least not be ashamed when PMing someone who I am critiquing.

Updates-

3/21/11

Pissed off at the fan fiction site. A shitload of features not working- search, upload, replace chapter, etc. Want to hit something... preferably the admins.

4/8/11

Uploaded several of my plot bunnies. The one that got the most positive feedback is 'Death Note in Konoha', so I'll just work on that.

6/20/11

Got several new ideas, now looking for a beta, seeing as how the only internet-accessible devise that I can write with is my iPad(Impossible to type on that thing). God, I hate writing on that poor excuse for a laptop. Pisses. Me. Off. Sooooo badly...

8/28/11

I have a lot of crap going on, both on the Internet and outside. Although, I got several new ideas, which I'll mull over and see if they provide anything in the long run. Other than that, hurricane Irene was a complete dud. Nothing happened in Philly. Just a sh*t load of wind and rain, nothing too major- I was actually somewhat disappointed, don't know why. I guess I should be happy it missed us, but I'm strange like that.

1/6/12

I have a few ideas as to the Naruto genre, but I still need to form them into a cohesive plot. I decided that, after looking over my aged stories, that they just don't hold up to scrutiny anymore, and, given that, I'll take them down sometime in the near future.

Fiction news as of; 6/20/11:

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World Religion Views-

I'm not certain if anyone gives a crap, but here's what I think of religion, summed up nicely by americanatheists.org:

In the history of the world, nothing has been the catalyst of more grief, hatred, war, and crime than religion. Religion allows a person to hate, kill, torture, or steal, while allowing him to recuse himself of all blame. Religion causes people to break the laws of ethics and morality in the name of a god. Religion dulls the mind and weakens the senses. It makes "God did it" seem like a reasonable answer to anything at all, squelching questions of why, how, and when, and replacing these questions with repeated mantras and prayers to nobody.

Religion is exquisitely profitable, with most adherents tithing a portion of their income. The churches, synagogues, and mosques, which do little to serve their community outside of "outreach programs" (marketing and recruiting), pay almost no taxes. Religion spreads like disease through societies, rarely coexisting with pre-existing mythologies, rather preferring to conquer or be conquered. Religion is anything but tolerant. American Atheists is not afraid to point out that which is true: religion is ridiculous. Mythology and religion are synonymous, and none is better than another. Religion is malicious, malevolent, and unworthy of respect.

You probably knew that already.

We're respectful of the American people's individual rights to practice as they see fit (equal to our rights to do the same), but this does not mean we have to respect the decision. If you choose to ignore logic and knowledge in order to believe in an invisible magic man in the sky, or Santa Claus for that matter, you've made a ridiculous decision and we're not going to pretend it's "just another way of looking at things."

We challenge the ethics of the professional liars who claim to speak for gods to bilk parishioners into giving away their money in exchange for an immortality that will never be granted. We also challenge the ethics of the politicians who use government to further their religious agenda, and vice versa. We will not let anyone's religion infiltrate our schools, our government, or our pockets, at least not without a good fight. Atheism, the absence of religion, is the only "ism" that obeys the laws of physics. There is never a "well, you have to have faith about that part" in atheism. Nowhere in atheism is there a text that must be obeyed, or a preacher that knows the "one true way." In atheism, "God did it" is not acceptable, but "I don't know" is just fine -- because that's the truth.

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The Ten Holy Commandments of the Average Naruto Fan:

1.) Thou shalt not write yaoi if the characters do not display any hints toward legitimately being gay. Either way, don't do it- it's what gives FanFiction a bad name.

2.) Lemons should be either done well, or not at all.

3.) An 'evil' and 'dark' Naruto shall not protect Konoha. This is punishable by a punch to the face through the Computer Screen.

3.) Thou shalt not say, use, or reference the following phrases unless it is to make fun of them(List may be altered)-

-Believe it

-My precious people

-I'm gonna be Hokage, so that everyone'll treat me nicely!

-patented Foxy grin

4.) Thou must have good grammar. A story without good grammar is punishable by flames, if something is not done. Thou must obtain and use one of the following; Word SpellCheck; Beta Readers; brain cells.

5.) A shitty plot also punishable by a multitude of flames. Does not apply to DELIBERATELY plotless humour Fics or Fluff.

6.) Naruto can and SHOULD have any combination of the following traits, yeh people-

-Calm, reserved, smart, evil, dark, loving, intuitive, strong, witty, insane.

6A.) Naruto cannot, under any circumstance(unless in a bash Fic or to poke fun at) be written with the following attributes/doing the following actions. (We have enough of those as it is in the shitty amime/manga)-

-Stupid, idiotic, dense, as wearing orange, grinning stupidly, taking Sakura's punches like a bitch, spill battle secrets in a fight(i.e. 1- "how does that work?" 2-"Well, it..."), as obsessed over the Hokage position, emo, angsty.

List may change.

7.) Thou shalt not write crappy crossover Fictions.

-Definition of 'crappy': Plot-less; there's no reason; the characters don't 'mesh'; the grammar/spelling is bad; it results in extremely overpowered characters; it results in crappy romance; there's too much slapstick; it insults the reader's intelligence.

8.) You must know of the following authors, even if their work is not read: Kenchi618; Artful Lounger; Perfect Lionheart.

9.) Chapters MUST be above the 2k+ word limit. (Sole exceptions to that rule are prologues)

10.) It is not necessary to obey all of these rules. But, to be viewed as a respectable writer(By me...?), it is preferable.

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Now, on to my likes in the FF.net category:

Pairings that I like;

Naruto/Yugito- What? She's totally badass, and the age difference isn't too big. If it is, it can always be, whats the word? ...Reduced.

Naruto/Mei- I know you salivate at the thought of her. She's totally awesome, she's a Kage, and she's just hot... So when it's done well, it's like gold.

Naruto/Temari- What? Temari's age difference isn't that big, only a year or so. She also has no prejudice towards him, and has respect towards junchuriki because of her 'Little Brother', Gara. So with the right tweaks, I can see that happen. She isn't a bad person, on the contrary- she has an interesting and ever-developing personality, not to mention that she IS, somewhat, hot.

Pairings that I abhor;

Naruto/Sakura- If you like this pairing, then I seriously wonder for your lack of sense and the absence of sound reasoning withing that head of yours. Here are several reasons as to why, exactly, she is A.) a bitch, and B.) a horrible girlfriend/pairing/whatever to Naruto.

1. She hits him on the head for the smallest of things! Her punches looked strong in pre-Shipuuden, but after? Did you see how many times she socked Naruto through the ground? That is a HORRIBLE way to treat a potential boyfriend. The VERY FIRST TIME that she met him after the training trip, what does she do? First, she expresses how shallow she really is by thinking how 'hot' he looks, and then she expresses how violent she is by pounding him into the earth.

Way to greet your supposed 'friend', Sakura.

2. What is with her and the 0% tolerance for admiring the female form? 'Perverted' is when someone deliberately goes out of their way to 'get some'. Not someone who probably never even thought about anything other than goddamn ramen and training. Just look at the cannon Naruto! How the hell can you suggest that he gets perverted thoughts? He's a fucking imbecile! He wears orange, for Christ's sake! Fucking ORANGE!

Nice lack of reasoning, Miss 'top of the class in academics' Sakura.

3. Name one thing that is lady-like about her. Being physically a woman doesn't count, either. We're talking about attitude here. She wears pink and red? Really? What 12 to 14/15 year old girl would wear PINK? That's almost worse that what Naruto wears. Almost. She was loud, and to some extent still is. Yelling for her 'Sasuke-kun' at all times. Please, spare me. She's violent, and don't even try to deny that. What, if they somehow got married, and Naruto got 'morning wood'(you know you all got it at some point, as for the ladies, excuse me), would she smash him through the bed for being a pervert?

That's the most likely outcome.

Great attitude, Sakura!

4. And the red? Really? Didn't she and all of Konoha berate Naruto at some point in time for wearing orange, and for that being a bad color for a ninja? So you think that RED is better? Maybe a really dark maroon, but not goddamn red! At least the cannon Naruto had some skills to back up his obnoxiousness and his orange. Sakura, well fuck, she has nothing on her except for super strength. If she was fast, then maybe she could get close enough to an opponent to actually use it effectively, but, no.

The only 'public enemy #1' that she actually hits is Naruto. And healing isn't offensive. I realize that it can be used, in some instances as a form of a weapon, like the 'chakra scalpel', but where and when did you see her actually use any of that in a fight? Once in a blue moon?

I know that he's an idiot in the Manga, but I do feel sorry for him. Who knows, maybe he might have been an intelligent guy before he met Sakura and she started giving him brain damage on a daily basis in the academy.

Poor guy...

5. Her hair is pink. That's just weird, and ugly. Can you imagine what that would look like in real life? Ugh... *shudders*

6. She is a naturally shallow person. Her 'love' for Sasuke, while to some extent somewhat admirable, is a complete farce. Does she know him as a person? No. Did she ever have a conversation with him that lasted for longer that 2-3 minutes? No. Does Sasuke give a shit about her? No, and don't lie to yourselves. Does she know his preferences, his likes, his desires, other than 'kill Itachi, Destroy Konoha'? NO! Not that I'm saying that the broody emo-ass has many likes and interests, but you catch my drift, no? He must have a preffered food at least, and FUCK, the shallow bitch doesn't even know that.

The sole reason that she is in 'deep love' with him is because he 'looked cool' in the academy, and everybody else thought that he 'was totally hot'. Seeing as how we can infer that she was an outcast in the social order before Ino helped her along, it's Natural that she wanted to fit in, and so she did what the rest of the crowd did.

Understandable. Doesn't change the fact that she is still a shallow, border-line useless, violent, screaming bitch with an unhealthy infatuation.

Naruto/Hinata- It's overused, it's cheesy, it's boring, and most of it is just badly written.

The whole point in making a story with a pairing is the fun in watching two character get to know each other, go through experiences together, and then see how the react to the other and how they develop feeling towards their friend/girlfriend/boyfriend.

They had only, what, a couple of lines worth of dialogue total, and they know nothing of each other. And NO, Hinata stalking Naruto doesn't f*cking count. There needs to be a pre-existing knowledge of the other partner before they both say 'I love you', and have sex. It doesn't work like that. It's stupid and it's boring to have Hinata spill in front of Naruto, and him saying 'Oh, you love me? Well, I guess I love you too!'

Most of these stories tend to ignore the fact that Naruto has been crushing on Sakura for several years.

Things in a story that I like;

I like fast updates, especially on good stories.

A good plot- Has an original plot(As far as that goes in a fanfiction); believable characters; no weird 'Powerups' AKA Naruto kills Orochimaru with one punch in, what, the third chapter?

Logic- Please people, let's not write a story where Naruto fails to bring Sasuke back and Sakura attacks him, or Naruto, totally out of the blue, turning evil and slaughters everybody. There HAS to be a build-up, and it HAS to make sense. I know you have better ideas.

Things on this site that I HATE/Overused clichés;

Flamers: Sweet Jesus. No. Just no. If you want to be insulting, then go bang your head against a wall, the hardest one you can find, buddy! Maybe It'll knock that shit out of your system- you never know.

The 'Training Trip': In two years, all that Naruto learned is how to dispel low to mid-level Genjutsu, how to make a bigger Rasengan, how to throw a kunai, and basic martial arts. that's all well and good, but those are skills that a graduating academy student knows, aside from the Rasengan. And he STILL can't form that thing without the help of a clone, not to mention that he needs 9 seconds to form it.

That's Naruto's skill set, people. No wonder he ends up getting his ass kicked and resorting to the Kyuubi in every tough fight. It's because he can't do shit besides create shadow clones and a border-line useless Rasengan that he needs to first form a clone for, and then spend ten seconds forming it. In that time, a serious opponent would have gutted and killed the orange-wearing idiot had it not been a Manga, and had it not been NAMED 'Naruto'.

Does anyone else think that Kishimoto should rename the Anime to 'Sasuke'? Everyone knows that a nude Sasuke is Kishimoto's wet dream.

The Mask: Its gay, it is lame, and it is overused. It was interesting at first, but now it just makes me want to smash something. 'Nuff said.

Canon Naruto: While technically it's not a cliche, every time I say 'Maybe Kishimoto isn't such a big fagg?' and I go watch another episode of the god-forsaken show 'Naruto', I die a little inside. From the sheer idiocy that encompasses that show. I just recently watched an episode, after the Pein fight, where Danzou declared Sasuke a rogue ninja.

What the fuck was up with Naruto's reaction? Was it really such a fucking big surprise that Sasuke was declared a missing nin? What the hell?

The way that Naruto and everyone else responded to that occurrence simply killed me. "I won't let him! BLALALALALALA I'm gay for Sasuke!"

I was a tad bit disgusted with the yaoi 'authors' on this site, but damn! With dialogue like they have on there, I can't fucking blame them! Naruto thinks about Sasuke as he trains, he thinks about bringing him back every fucking day, he gets angry when someone(rightfully) insults Sasuke, etc, etc, etc. With all that, how can you NOT say that (Canon) Naruto is a homo? His hate of anything related to women, i.e. his 'OMG WTF' lines when Jiraiya goes to a whore house, his aversion to drinking, all of that adds up. FUCK canon Naruto.

The show can suck balls for all I care, I'm not watching that blatant stupidity. Oh, no, Sasuke!

Think, how bad of a ninja do you have to be to wear orange, and for your nickname to be the 'unpredictable knucklehead ninja'?!

He SOMEHOW beat Pein, but then he for SOME reason lets himself get fucking pummeled by Sakura.

Now, THAT is low.

YAOI: I'm straight. Enough said. I could go into a rant about homosexuality on this site, but that wouldn't do anything now, would it? To the contrary, it would probably incite some self righteous idiot to bring me up on a forum, and try to bullshit me about my 'offensive' YAOI views. So, to be safe, I will shrink what was once as high as Mt. Everest down to sea level, and simply state that "I don't care for it."

It's not my cup of tea, and personally I think that they should make a section for it, so that we don't need to sift through all of that garbage.

Kyuubi/Naruto: I... I don't know what to say... would a fucking 10000 (something like that) year-old demon of incredible power, who's very CHAKRA causes people to freeze in fear 'get together' with a ten to twenty year old boy? The fuck? Whoever came up with this shit is seriously lacking logic. Sure, I enjoy reading some fluff, if it's done right. I like the idea of Naruto finally having a female friend/girlfriend etc. But to make the KYUUBI a fucking WOMAN?! Really? This is even worse than Mpreg. The Kyuubi is a chakra construct of hate. It's devious, cunning, evil, and powerful. I hate it how certain authors make it so that the Kyuubi 'morphs' into a woman, then blushes, then pities the boy. BULLSHIT! I know this is fanfiction, and people can REALLY twist the Narutoverse, but the are just some base rules that should be followed... that's my opinion, but I've seen some disturbing shit on this site. Mpreg, yaoi, bestiality, the list goes on. What can I say. I'll try to keep reading and writing, but when you're surrounded with that, AND the crappy anime/manga, it's really hard...

Western World/Countries/Continent: What the f*ck does this mean? 'Western World'? It pisses me the hell of when in a serious story, the author references the 'Western World'. Let me tell you just why this is so idiotic.

Firstly- it is so goddamn vague! Is it a different world? Are they in space? Well then where are they? Is this on a planet? Or in space? Is the author on crack?

Because, with the insinuation that chakra-weilding ninjas can live practically along-side a people who are apparently centuries more advanced, I'd believe any stupid sh*t that the author decides to throw at me! In fact, I think that, my friends, is the true purpose of the 'Western World' cliche- the author knows how utterly stupid it is, but whatever the author will bring up next is even more infinitely retarded, so the 'WW' cliche acts as a buffer so that whatever comes next is more believable in comparison.

You rat bastards...

Secondly- How can anyone justify this? At all? By saying 'Western World', you use a term that is in use today- you are referring to America, or of a continent that is in that 'western' direction. This is so... SH*-!! (*&^%$# %^&!!! @#$%^ )(* that *&^ !@#$%& %*!!!!

Quote from such a story(on the topic of a laptop)- "'Oh, don't worry, Naruto. It's safe. They are really advanced there. Anyway...'"

...Ugh ...No. Just... No! You can't walk away from that. You have to give a more detailed, EXTREMELY detailed explanation of who, what, where, when, and how. Yes, how does a civilization with such technology not conquer the less advanced Elemental Nations?

They have laptops, which require plastics, intricate assembly, hell, a f*cking world-wide web! A gun requires a much more simple assembly. A gun, which is metal, only has a few parts, and those easily crafted, Has anyone here actually taken apart a gun? I have. Has anyone actually taken apart a Laptop on this site? I have, and it doesn't take a genius(I hope not...) to figure out that a laptop is infinitely more complex.

So they definitely have guns. And technology. And computer chips. And advanced weaponry. And advanced communication. And NUKES. ...Goddamn Motherfucking NUKES!

And this fits in... where?

Thirdly- Guns in general(from pistols to assault rifles)fire bullets from speeds of 300 m/s up to 920 m/s.

Let that information sink in. You can't dodge something going at a speed of one Kilometer a SECOND. I don't give a shit if you have a Sharingan. I could care less if you have a Byakugan. It won't help. But, let's create a mock-scenario.

You have a guy with a fucking sniper rifle. You have an Uchiha, sitting in a house that is made of wood and RICE PAPER. Yes, rice paper. Now, let's see. Steel bullet traveling at the speed of sound, v.s. 2 cm thick rice paper. Place your bets, people.

Now, what is the sharingan? Read this:

The Sharingan's abilities consist of two parts: the "Eye of Insight" (洞察眼, Dōsatsugan) and the "Eye of Hypnotism" (催眠眼, Saimingan). The first of the Sharingan's powers is being able to see the flow of chakra. The Sharingan can tell if a person is under a genjutsu because the person's chakra flow would be irregular. The Sharingan's second-most prominent ability grants the user an incredible clarity of perception, allowing them to easily recognize genjutsu and different forms of chakra, though not to the same extent as the Byakugan.

This also allows the user to pick up on subtle details, enabling them to read lip movements or mimic something like pencil movements. As the Sharingan evolves, gaining more tomoe seals, this ability extends to being able to track fast-moving objects before finally giving some amount of predictive capabilities to the user, allowing them to see the image of an attacker’s next move from the slightest muscle tension in their body and counter or dodge without any wasted movement. However, even though the user may be able to see an attack or know it is coming, their body may not always have time to react.

Mhm. Predicts BODY movement. A gun has no chakra, or muscles. You can't predict it. Even if you could, big whoop.

Great. You have 0.09 seconds to dodge. Good luck. Which flowers should I prepare for your funeral, Uchiha-sama?

And the Byakugan is even more useless. You can see someone's tenkutsu and you have 359 degree vision. Yay! You gained a possible 0.1 second due to you having twice the eyesight range than the Uchiha! Now, you have 0.19 seconds to dodge.

Bangs head against wall*

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid... NOW can you see how utterly retarded this notion is? I would give more examples, such as the problems of communication(radio, phone, etc) and the logistics of that being accessible... but I won't. I think I got my point across.

Feel free to Copy+Paste this little rant to your profile, but PM me first.

Technology in the Naruto Series['Credit to 'Perfect Lionheart' for composing this wonderful rant]

First, I will restate that it is our privilege as fanfic authors to portray any universe however we want to. My setup is internally consistent, something that CANNOT be said for the source material!

But I would like to say a word on how I do not believe a post-apocalyptic scenario for Naruto could work. It is just not logical.

Our world is focused on transportation. That alone is going to represent a huge proportion of whatever relics survive. Cars and paved roads are both staggeringly more numerous and more durable than handheld radio sets (and food supplies like ramen cups would be among the first items to disappear as survivors consumed them). Yet there is no sign of anything like what we've got in the Naruto world, where people walk everywhere.

Not even a civilian on a bicycle to liven things up.

If Naruto was a post-apocalyptic world, bicycles would have been among the most useful, likely to survive, easy to figure out how to use and replicate items of tech imaginable - and cars would've been everywhere. Don't tell me that ninja who could animate puppets with chakra strings can't get wheels to turn. So, regardless of what's wrong with the engine, they'd have cars too.

So, from my point of view, they summon tech, and certain gaps represent things they just never thought to ask for, like cars and high tech weapons.

Because tech is all connected. You can't have certain things without others. Heck I am no chemist, but even I know it's possible to create napalm out of stuff already shown on the series, and you can't tell me that if they had the know-how, they wouldn't do it. If there are people sick enough to convert human bodies into puppets or play with demons, there is no 'universal moral standard' to say they wouldn't just burn someone to death.

No, in our world we had area-effect chemical weapons like mustard gas (or worse!) before we had radios small enough for a man to carry without a backpack. And the necessary chemical knowledge for those weapons AND modern explosives is less advanced than used in the plastic casings for the highly advanced, miniaturized modern radios they already show ninja using!

And ALL tech can be extrapolated upon! Everything that can be built uses principles that can be adapted into weapons, bar none. No exceptions. So if they understood how to create the technology they use, they would already have weapons able to defeat any ninja, destroy any village.

Mustard gas bombs placed in storage seals scribed in between layers on the sole of a ninja's sandal, primed to detonate the moment they are released, and the agents who carry them being throw-away genin, like fail the academy tests every year, and thus can easily blend into populations that have to re-absorb such failures, told to enter an enemy village disguised as civilians and carrying no outside equipment, then once they are in preselected positions, form a handseal and mold chakra in a certain way they are told signals they are ready, but actually releases the bombs? You can't tell me monsters like Hidden Mist wouldn't eagerly pull stunts like that off in a heartbeat!

No, if they truly understood how to create their tech, you'd really HAVE to hide your villages, because any your enemies could find, they would destroy.

And none of that's even TOUCHING the higher-end stuff! One of the best air-to-air missiles ever invented used less tech than a simple RANGEFINDER they already use in the show! Rockets were being used in the orient before they even had decent steel! And if they had the capacity and tech necessary for GPS and cell phones, they could have ICBMs, and no ninja village would survive.

In any kind of collapse scenario, guns and vehicles would be the priority. High end miniaturized electronics would be the LAST thing any reemergent society would be ABLE to reproduce!

And guns replaced the bow on the battlefield NOT because they were more effective - early ones SUCKED! Big time! Guns got to be everywhere because they were cheap, and could be used with almost no training. It was only after that they advanced and became more effective. Don't bother telling me those same principles wouldn't apply here!

"Let's see, I can put thirty people through six years of schooling, and MAYBE nine of them would become genin, whose fighting potential is nothing special. Then, after years more work and effort, MAYBE a few of them could become chunin, who might actually do something! Or, I could just give it all a miss and hand them all rifles, saving myself years of effort and countless amounts of tuition, and between the thirty of them firing they'd kill any nine genin you'd care to name."

It might not be strictly accurate. I'm sure many of you are already thinking of strategies by which fully informed ninja, completely familiar with the threat and as aware as you are of the dangers and the capabilities of guns, could take on thirty riflemen. But you cannot guarantee out of ALL the lords, merchants and gang bosses, none of them would consider trying guns vs ninja.

Gato certainly would.

And, not being aware of some new weapon is almost a guarantee of being slaughtered by it the first time you engage it. Then you have the Amazing Ninja Killing Stick! And all of the lords everywhere would be investigating this for use in their armies. Popularity has carried stranger things to the front of people's minds, and into battles.

There are ordinary soldiers shown in the series. And, if people use those when, as it stands, virtually any ninja can just waltz up to them in broad daylight and slaughter them all, how much more would they use soldiers if they could be handed Ninja Killing Sticks?

Even if all they could do was force the ninja to sneak up on them, that's still far more use than those soldiers are already. So, if they use them now, how much more would they use them then? Even a chance they'd kill a ninja is better than no chance at all, right?

And, like anyone would do, a person who has a small chance works to make that chance grow larger. So you'd find people waiting in ambush as snipers. And can you think of a better anti-Sharingan measure? Yes, we shot him in the back from two hundred yards when he was walking between towns. Guy didn't even know he was in a fight before he died.

So, unless the Sharingan can alert people when it ISN'T ON and ISN'T LOOKING you'd kill any Uchiha you'd care to name. And no one can keep it up 24/7, or even all of the time they're outdoors - and what is a thin rice paper screen going to do to stop a sniper bullet, anyway?

Old West gunslingers had a fast draw that put most samurai to shame, many could even shoot a coin in flight. And between snipers and gunslingers... even jonin could be killed by such measures.

Let's see, speed was the way to defeat the Sharingan, right? So, "Copy this" guy pulls trigger, fires bullets which themselves are moving too fast to see, much less dodge. He could move his entire body faster than I could swivel my wrist? Yeah right. Dead Uchiha.

Neo could dodge bullets. Sasuke can't. Not by the rules already set down (that Bakamoto pays no attention to his own rules in worshiping the emo I discard as useless).

Throw on a nightvision scope and hit him in the dead of night when he can't see. Bullets have no chakra to track.

And, in any kind of post-apocolyptic scenario, more guns would survive than radios. Sad, but true. And the kind of people who know how to reload their brass are generally the survival types, who are more likely than anyone to survive any type of societal collapse. In point of fact, they are more likely than anyone to have the kind of power after a collapse that would make them the lords of any feudal arrangement that were to rise out of the ashes.

And how did they get there? GUNS! Do you think they would forget them? NO!

Many of those same survival types are also the same kinds of people who know how to convert older cars over to using alcohol instead of gas. Alcohol doesn't provide the same performance per gallon, but anyone could make it, rather than rely on a resource that depends on a vast infrastructure.

Vehicles enable someone to range farther and carry more than a man on foot, so those that have them are going to be able to forage more, thus have more stuff, and by default be better equipped and wealthier than those without. So, with guns to defend their stores, they'd be in a position of authority to bargain, "You want my stuff? Then work my fields."

So, back to the 'survivalists as feudal lords' scenario.

And even after their original tools rot (which, being durable materials, would occur only after all radios had perished) there are guns and cars simple enough to be made by a blacksmith pounding on metal with a hammer. You won't find any radios that are.

Sam Colt's original six-shooter was spawned in a blacksmith-pounding-metal era. But a society that can crank out instant ramen containers could be churning out Brownings, AKs and Uzis with ease.

The only reason ninja combat exists as it does is because guns don't exist, and the only reason that could happen is people not knowing about them, and they exist in SO MUCH literature, references, physical examples and so on, that the only way that could happen was this NOT being a post-apocolyptic world!

Ergo, they summon technology instead of inventing it themselves.

That Bakamoto disagrees I chalk up to yet another instance of his having put no thought whatsoever into his own series.

'Summary Sucks': Yeah, if you wrote this down, it WILL probably suck ass. I've always been somewhat annoyed at the people who wrote this, but it's been brought to my attention, and I feel that need to say something on the subject.

What I think: If you can't write a half-way decent summary that can catch the eye of potential readers, then I highly doubt that the story itself will be much better... I mean, if you're on a roll, why not just write 'Story sucks', and be done with it? Why bother with a story if you can't even formulate a several words describing the thing? If the story is good, and if you've spent enough time writing it, then chances are that you'll be VERY familiar with the content, then writing up a line or three about it really shouldn't be all that hard. So if I see 'summary sucks, just read' that, my friends, is like a beacon saying 'Warning: Crappy story with an undefined plot. Warning: Do not read.'

If you can't summarize what you wrote, then that brings to mind the question 'If the guy can't simply state what his Fic is about, then how much better will the story itself be?'

I know sure as hell that I would have never read the Eragon Inheritance Cycle if the summary was crappy. No. It got me hooked, as the author revealed some of the plot, but not all of it. Kind of like bait- if you want people to read your shit, then you have to play around with them. Show them enough so that they'll be interested, but not too much as to give away the whole story.

Well, that's that. I was slightly repetitive, I know, an also long-winded, but I'm like that... heh...

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Here is a list of conducts that should always be observed.

Spell check all stories and poems. There is no excuse for not doing this. If you do not have a word processor that has the spell checking feature, use a search engine such as Google.Com to find one. Proofread all entries for grammar and other aspects of writing before submission. 'Hot off the press' content is often riddled with errors. No one is perfect but it is the duty of the writer to perform to the best of his/her ability. Respect the reviewers. Not all reviews will strictly praise the work. If someone rightfully criticizes a portion of the writing, take it as a compliment that the reviewer has opted to spend his/her valuable time to help improve your writing. Everyone here is an aspiring writer. Respect your fellow members and lend a helping a hand when they need it. Like many things, the path to becoming a better writer is often a two way street. Use proper textual formatting. For example: using only capital letters in the story title, summary, or content is not only incorrect but also a disregard for the language itself.

This is quoted directly from the GUIDELINES, which viewers are supposed to accept before being allowed to post stories. I try my best to tell authors that their spelling or grammar sucks, and that they need to work on it (of course, there really isn't a "nice" way to say it), and all I get in return is "fuck you! go suck it! live with it!" or other such bs. If you can't fucking spell, don't fucking post. It's because of that that the internet is so fucked up.

Fanfiction quality has gone down the fucking drains. I found a shitload of interesting Naruto stories, and I was practically dancing with joy. Then I read the first chapter. And promptly closed the window. Plotholes, wrong information, terrible grammar/spelling, no sense of smoothness... Shame on all of you authors who post shitty stories.

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Sasuke Rant (And why I stopped reading)-- I have a few bones to pick with this character, first and foremost being his battle prowess. How the hell did he kill Itachi and Deidera? Itachi was a fucking ANBU when he was Sasuke's age, and Deidera... well, let's just say that Sasuke should NOT have survived that mile-long explosion. Itachi only improved since he was an ANBU- admittedly, he did have an eye problem, but really? The gap between Sasuke's and Itachi's powers was and should be so great that no 'eye pains' or 'mild blindness' should prevent him from killing that overblown, arrogant Uchiha prick. Think about it for a second- Itachi was on a whole different level than Orochimaru and Itachi could kill Orochimaru in twenty minutes! And Orochimaru TAUGHT Sasuke.

So he doesn't even know all of Orochimaru's most powerful techniques! So how the fuck could Sasuke, of all people, kill Itachi? Anything other than Sasuke dying is just playing up to that fan-boy Kishimoto's/Sasuke's unofficial rule that "Only an Uchiha can kill an Uchiha". Sasuke would be nothing without his Sharingan. Jesus Christ, the bullshit is over-powering. What I really hate is the total cop-out that Kishimoto used with Sasuke escaping to the summon's world.

First it's the first level of the sharingan. Okay, that's cool. Then it's the second level. Still alright. Then it's the cursed seal level one. Somewhat dubious, but okay. Then it's the third level of the sharingan. Fucking fine, now that Sasuke's at full power, he could do some legit training, right, something NOT based on other's power? Then it's the cursed seal level two. Fuck you, Kishimoto, as if this character needed yet MORE power-ups. Then it's the Mangekyou sharingan. *sigh* Are we done? Are there any more Insta-powerups coming out of the woodwork? Seriously, this shit is getting old. Then there's Sasuke's upgraded version of the Sharingan. Great, now he can put out Amaterasu. Is his portable Dues Ex Machina going to come up with anything else? Then he got fucking eternal sharingan...

...At this point, I stopped reading.

Sasuke keeps getting all of these fantastic random upgrades, and what does Naruto get? Nothing, except for a bigger Rasengan, slightly different clothing, and Genin level skills.

Sasuke goes away for 2+ years, what can he do? He can kill an S-ranked ninja. Naruto goes away for 2+ years, what can he do? He can transform into a chibi Kyuubi, something that he DOESN'T want to do, apparently.

Then Naruto get sage mode. I swear to god, this is what happened;

Random Guy #1: Um, sir? About the manga... everyone is incredibly uber-powerful, and Naruto is still a dumbass with a demon. Were you... are you planning on doing anything about that?

Kishimoto: "Oh, sh*t, I didn't give Naruto anything at all, and he's still as stupid as ever... Um... Eh... Well... He's the main character- I have to give him something...

Random Guy #1: "..."

Kishimoto: "..."

Random Guy #1: "..."

Kishimoto: "Sage Mode!"

Random Guy #1: "Say what?"

Kishimoto: "I've got it! Sage Mode, a state where a person can absorb something called... nature energy, which will make him really powerful! Oh, also, you have to stay completely still while doing this, or else it won't work. You'll also turn into a... frog... if you absorb too much!"

Random Guy #2: "How will that be helpful in any way?"

Kishimoto: "What only useful skills does Naruto have? That's right, his clones and his Rasengan. I'll just beef those two up. As for your question, Naruto'll figure it out somehow. Hint- clones."

Random Guy #3: "Why do you need to be still?"

Random Guy #1: "Yeah, and why the hell do you turn into a frog?"

Random Guy #4: "There are many things in Nature, not just fr-"

Kishimoto: "Shut the f*ck up, and write it, I'll think of something...!"

Sh*t From Harry Potter That Is Stupid, Annoying, Or Just Plain Asinine (AKA My Harry Potter Rants)

Quidditch: This is by far one of the more stupid elements of the Harry Potter world. First off- brooms? ReallyWas that really the most aerodynamically stable object that the magical folk of Europe could procure? Not to mention that your balls and general underside would be turned to black-and-blue jelly after more than two minutes of flying, but was it is actually considered a sport. Well, okay, with magic I suppose that your more tender parts wouldn't feel so bad. But to call it a sport? For crying out loud, all that you're doing is sitting and not falling off. You are literally not doing ANY work, of ANY sort. So it always annoys the hell out of me when generally reasonable FanFic Authors put something like this into their Fics: 'Years of playing Quidditch had toned Harry, making him lean and muscled'. The Seeker doesn't even do much, he just floats like a f*cking balloon. Case in point? IT'S NOT A SPORT!