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| illia01 |
Author has written 4 stories for Final Fantasy: Unlimited, Final Fantasy VII, Animaniacs, Wizard of Oz, and Kingdom Hearts. gender: girl fanfic name: illia01 Real name: Like i'm gonna say! Location: Earth, sometimes Race: Earthling, usually fav movie: idk fav fanfic: twas the ffu night befor christmas fav color: pink. Drink : Coca Cola for evah!! ;P Favorite fiction couples : Lettuce/Ryo, Ichigo/ ayoma, taruto/pudding, Makenshi /aura, cloud/ tifa, arith/ zack, Vincent/ yuffie, obi-wan/ siri (Read the friggin books!) qui-gon/ tahl (Keep reading…) Warnings: Short Temper Circuit (able to explode at any time)- Pounds Idiots (you wont believe the boys at my school)- Not A Morning Person (says it all. DO NOT WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING IF YOU TREASURE YOUR LIFE!) Favorite Sayings: Your Yearbook Picture Haunts Me I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Going to your house of worship doesn't make you a religious person, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. 0.0 (Horrified) AHHHHH!!! THE BOOGIE MAN!! We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Speak when spoken to or otherwise, shut up! Those that can’t do teach, and those that can’t teach, teach gym. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. I'm Gonna Live Forever Or Die Trying! Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water! What happens if you get scared half to death twice? When life gives you lemons, make grapefruit juice, and let life wonder how the heck you did that! Me: I Like destroying! *Kicks a can two inches* :D Arnold Schwarzenegger thinks ‘if it bleeds we can kill it’ I say ‘if it bleeds, it needs a band-aid’ Sanity Is Overrated Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clocks broken and I’m wide awake. Not sure who won. I'm fluent in three languages: English, Sarcasm, and Profanity. sibling making annoying noise* My voice gives me super strength! *Throws brother out the window.* AHHHH!!! Oh It's My Sleeve...AHHHHH!!! Oh It's Just My Other Sleeve. (In the Supermarket) Crap, where's my mom? Act cool, act cool... Why do we close our eyes when we pray? When we cry? When we dream? Or when we kiss? Because we know that the most beautiful things in life are not seen, but felt by heart. "THIS IS NOT AN ASSIGNMENT YOU CAN DO THE NIGHT BEFORE." I Didn't Hit You! I High-Fived Your Face... I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER! (Crickets) Nah! I'm Only Kidding! I'm Straight! i have to get up at 6 in the morning, go to school at 7, survive 6 hours of either being yelled at, worked to death, or bored out of my mind, take the bus with no space to sit all the way home, and im supposed to do MORE WORK? no way in hell A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ? Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you blocked and spammed, you may kiss my ass. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. You're never too old to learn something stupid. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child? Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Is there a tuba in there? Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! You’re skating on thin ice with hot blades… and your fat…very very fat! Some people say no pain no gain, I say no pain, good! The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. Had to make room for the tuna! Somebody needs a hug! I still got a hug in me! …In America! All Your Problems Can Be Solved If You Let A Bear Eat Them Sanity Is Overrated When I Told Your Boyfriend That He's Gay, He Hit Me With His Purse Me And You Is Friends. You Smile, I Smile. You Hurt, I Hurt. You Cry, I Cry. You Jump Off A Bridge, I'm Gonna Miss You You Cry, I Cry. You Laugh, I Laugh. You Jump Off A Cliff, I Laugh Harder I'm The Type Of Girl Who Would Burst Out Laughing In Dead Silence Because Of Something That Happened Yesterday no, seriously i do that... a lot. One Day, Your Prince Will Come. Mine? Oh, He Just Took A Wrong Turn, Got Lost, And Is Too Stubborn To Ask For Directions Don't Knock On Death's Door. Ring The Doorbell And Run. He Hates That Life Isn't Passing Me By, Its Trying To Run Me Over When I Told Your Boyfriend That He's Gay, He Smacked Me With His Purse Me And You Is Friends. You Smile, I Smile. You Hurt, I Hurt. You Cry, I Cry. You Jump Off A Bridge, I get in a paddle boat and save your sorry ass. Did You Just Call Me A Bitch? Because A Bitch Is A Dog. Dogs Bark. Bark Is On Trees. Trees Are A Part Of Nature. Nature Is Beautiful. I Know I'm Beautiful. Thanks For The Complement Dear Heart, I Met A Boy Today. Prepare To Shatter If Annoyed Further, I Shall Spork Your Eyes Out If Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, Try Three Stress- The Condition Brought On By Overriding The Body's Desires To Kick Someone's butt They Say Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People. Well I Think The Guns Help. If You Stood There And Yelled BANG, I Don't Think You'd Kill Too Many People Boys Are Like Lava Lamps. They're Fun To Watch, But Not Too Bright Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently You Told Santa That You've Been Good This Year... He Died Laughing If Santa, An Honest Lawyer, And A Nice Politician Were Together In A Room, And There Was A Cookie, Who Would Get It? Santa, The Other Two Don't Exist Parents Spend The First Part Of Our Lives Teaching Us To Walk And Talk, And The Rest Of It Is Telling Us To Sit Down And Shut-up Boys Are Like Trees. They Take Fifty Years To Grow Up People Used To Call Me Names. But That's Okay, They're Dead Now Having The Love Of Your Life Say, "We Can Still Be Friends," Is Like Having Your Dog Die And Your Mom Saying You Can Still Keep It My Knight In Shining Armor Turned Out To Be Some Loser In Aluminum Foil I Will Not Chase The Boys, I Will Not Chase The Boys, I Will Not Chase The Boys... Unless They Provoke Me MENstrual Pain, MENstrual Cramps, MENtal Anxiety, MENopause... dang it... All Of Our Problems Start With Men! Love At First Sight Is Another Way Of Saying, "Love Me! I'm Stupid And Desperate!" Don't Piss Me Off, I'm Running Out Of Places To Hide Bodies! I'm Not Afraid Of Death! Whats It Going To Do, Kill Me? Is It Just Me, Or Do Automatic Doors Make You Feel Like A Jedi? Whoever Said Nothing Is Impossible Has Never Tried Slamming A Revolving Door God Made Man, And Then Said, "I Can Do Better Than That," Then He Made A Woman I Don't Suffer From Insanity, I'm Enjoying Every Minute Of It Just Live And Breath, And Try Not To Die Again When You Live In A Nightmare, Its Written All Over Your Face Tell Your Voices To Shut-up! I Can't Hear Mine! Sarcasm Is Your Body's Natural Defense Against Stupidity People Fear The Strange And Unusual. I Am The Strange And Unusual I'm Nobody. Nobody Is Perfect. SO I'M BETTER THAN YOU! i am prepared to slap a bitch and don't you forget it! That, My Children, Is Called A Wall. But Beware, The Wall Is Solid. Yes, Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid, For We Cannot Walk Through It! Believe Me Children, I Have Attempted This Many Times Before I Ran With Scissors... AND LIVED! a mother walks into her sons room and glares ROTFLOLASHTINCBISAGO WOTTARUTDIAIOA - Rolling on the floor laughin out loud and so hard that i nearly choke but i see a glass of water on the table and reach up to drink it and im ok again (Singing) An anvil’s black and shiny, and very heavy too, so watch out my chubby friend, or one will fall on you! (anvil falls on enemy) It’s made of solid iron, and weighs a ton or two, we know you want to meet it, it wants to meet you too! (Another anvil falls on another enemy) MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! :D If You Choke A Smurf, What Color Does It Turn? My Imaginary Friend Thinks You Have Serious Problems You Say I'm Not Cool. But Cool Is Another Word For Cold. If I'm Not Cold, Then I'm Hot. I Know I'm Hot. Thanks For Embracing It Can You Fix My Dad? He's Broke R.O.T. F.L.U.S.J.O.M.A.M.M.S.R.O.F.L.B.T.I.D.I.A.C.I.A Every Time I Hear The Dirty Word 'Exercise,' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate Eat Healthy, Exercise Right, Die Anyway Laughter Is The Best Kind Of Medicine, So If You Meet Someone With Broken Ribs, Make Sure To Tickle Them If You Can't Say Something Nice, Don't Say Anything At All... Unless They Can't Hear You We Must Never, Ever Be Mean To Stupid People. If We Are, They Might Go Away. Then Who Will We Laugh At? There's Nothing Wrong With Arguing With Yourself. Its When You Argue With Yourself And LOSE When Its Weird If My Relatives Wanted Me To Be Truly Thankful, They'd Do All The Cooking My Secret To Great Stuffing Is To Let Someone Else Make It For The Holidays I Bring Out All Of My Traditional Family Recipes. That Really Keeps The Guest List Down! As The Thanksgiving Season Approaches, Remember: All It Takes Is One Undercooked Turkey, And You'll Be The "Dinner Rolls" And "Soda" Person For Life I've Tried A Few "Cowboy Cookbook" Recipes... And I Have The Saddlebags To Prove It If You Think Losing Your Mind SLOWLY Is Bad, Try Losing It QUICK- I'm Sorry, What Were We Talking About? And Who Are You? If Stupidity Got Us Into This Mess, Why Can't Get Us Out? A Positive Attitude Won't Solve ALL Your Problems, But It Will Annoy Enough People To Make It Worth The Effort Why Argue When We Both Know I'm Right? Generally, Generalizations Are Wrong I'm Not Clumsy... The Floor Just Hates Me You Know Its Gonna Be A Bad Day When You Fall Out Of Bed And Miss The Floor 92 Percent Of The Teenage Population Would Die If Abercrombie And Fitch Said It Wasn't Cool To Breathe Anymore For Me, Crazy Is A Loose Term. Crazy Is When You Stare At A Pencil And Laugh When Someone Asks You Just What You Find So Interesting About The Eraser. Crazy Is When You Have An Hour Long Sob Fest, Then Start Singing And Dancing When Your Favorite Song Plays. Crazy Is When You Do Or Say Something Totally Random Thing Like, "Do You Ever Wonder Where The Eraser Bits Go?" Or Start Having A Thumb War With Yourself. I Find That I'm A Very Tough Opponent The Man Who Smiles When Things Go Wrong Has Thought Of Someone To Blame It On Those That Laugh Last Think Slowest All Things Considered, Insanity May Be The Only Reasonable Alternative I Am A Bomb Technician. If You See Me Running, Try And Keep Up Whenever You Feel Pissed Off At Someone, Take A Mile Walk In Their Shoes. That Way You're A Mile Away From Them, YOU HAVE THEIR SHOES! Tell The Truth And Run Therapist= The-Rapist... Scary Thought Stress- The Condition Brought On By Overriding The Body's Desires To Kick Someone's ass. They Say Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People. Well I Think The Guns Help. If You Stood there and Yelled BANG, I Don't Think you’d Kill Too Many People I Met Some Crazy People... They Made Me Their Leader! You Laugh At Me Because I'm Different. I Laugh At You Because You're All The Same Fashion Is A Form Of Ugliness So Intolerable That We Have To Change It Every Six Months There Are Different Kinds Of People In The World: 1. Those Who Hate And Fear Clowns, and 2. Clowns One Night, I Lay In Bed, Looking Up At The Stars, And Thought, "Where's The Ceiling?" you know knug fu? well I KNOW WHOP YOUR ASS! go away or i will put out your eyes AND STUFF THEM DOWN YOUR PANTS SO YOU CAN WATCH ME KICK THE CRAP OUT OF YOU! get lost or i'll carve your heart out with a spoon, why a spoon you ask? CAUSE IT WILL HURT MORE YOU IDIOT! Can I Have Your Number? I Seemed To Have Lost Mine TEACHER: Do you think it's the custodian's job to clean up after you? "I didn't do it" ... "Then why are you laughing?" ... "Cause, whoever did it is a freaking genius." Mom: “You got a package!" "Thanks, Mom!"... *pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop* Mom: “What are you doing??" "Popping bubble wrap!" :D Everyone Has A Wild Side. My Friends And I Just Prefer To Make Them Public I've Got ADD And Magic Markers. Oh The Fun I Will Have! Everything Here Is Edible. I'm Edible. But That, My Children, Is Called Cannibalism, And Is Frowned Upon In Most Societies Tu Madre! Ooh! I Just Burned You In Spanish! I Was Gifted, But The Psychiatrist Took My Powers Away Officer, I Swear To Drunk, I'm Not God! Come To The Dark Side... We Have Cookies! Huh, It Figures. All The Good Guys Are Either Gay, Taken, Or Both Right Now, I'm Having Amnesia And Deja Vu At The Same Time. I Think I've Forgotten This Before... I'm On A Quest To The Deepest, Darkest Corners Of My Room In Search Of What Some Would Call A "Floor". A Long And Difficult Task Awaits Me. Wish Me Luck My Friends, For I May Not Return Alive I'm Not Paranoid... WHICH OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?! When French People Swear, Do They Say, "Excuse My English"? Have You Ever Noticed That If You Rearrange The Letters In "Mother-in-law," They Come Out To "Woman Hitler"? Only In America Do We Use The Word "Politics". To Describe The Process So Well: "Poli" In Latin Meaning "Many" And "Tics" Meaning "Bloodsucking Creatures" Stupidity Killed The Cat. Curiosity Was Framed! a , b , c , d , e , f , g , gummy bears are chasing me , one is red , one is blue . one is peeing on my shoe . Now im running for my life cuz the red one has a knife . When Life Gives You a Bad Romance, show everyone your Poker Face, buy a new Telephone, call Alejandro, and you guys Just Dance! Parents Spend The First Part Of Our Lives Teaching Us To Walk And Talk, And The Rest Of It Is Telling Us To Sit Down And Shut-up two rights don't make a wrong, they make a u turn. life is NOT a video game, when you die there is no reset button or main menu. bis malus mulis canis Oooh! you don't know what i just called you! come to the dark side we have cookies! you are the cheese to my macaroni, the milk to my cookie, the ham to my burger, too bad i'm a vegan. I Am Currently Out Of My Mind, Feel Free To Leave A Message Attitude Changes In 5 Seconds Flat. Sweetheart To brat. Don't Test That Teacher: Can you see God? People Used To Call Me Names. But That's Okay, They're Dead Now Having The Love Of Your Life Say, "We Can Still Be Friends," Is Like Having Your Dog Die And Your Mom Saying You Can Still Keep It S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life Two Rights Don't Make A Wrong, They Make A u turn, tow u turns make a circle Circle. Two Circles Make A Figure-Eight. Two Figure-Eights Make A Butterfly. How's That For Shape Understanding? we have just determined... that 90 of your people problems can be sloved by feeding somebody to a bear, as for the other 10 you will not get some one to fall for you if you feed them to a bear, you just won't, but we have yet to figure out why. The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty. Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment. Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it. Love At First Sight Is Another Way Of Saying, "Love Me! I'm Stupid And Desperate!" Don't Piss Me Off, I'm Running Out Of Places To Hide Bodies! I'm Not Afraid Of Death! What’s It Going To Do, Kill Me? Is It Just Me, Or Do Automatic Doors Make You Feel Like A Jedi? Whoever Said Nothing Is Impossible Has Never Tried Slamming A Revolving Door I will bite you to death… God Made Man, And Then Said, "I Can Do Better Than That," Then He Made A Woman i am prepared to slap a bitch and don't you forget it! Wise men never say what they think of women By not saying anything, people think you're stupid. By opening your mouth, you confirm it. Yesterday is history; Tomorrow is a mystery; Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. "I pinky promise when we're old ladies, we're gonna be best friends, chasing each other in nursing homes with our motor scooters." "Smile! It's the second best thing you can do with your lips." "TAKE A CHANCE! Coz you never know how PERFECT something can turn out to be." "I used to be normal, until I met these losers I call my BEST FRIENDS..." "Hello, this is your LIFE speaking. You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" "I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do." "You might be crazy but have I told you lately that I love you? You’re the only reason that I’m not afraid to fly, and it’s crazy… that someone could change me. Now matter what I have to do I’m not afraid to try, and you need to know that you’re the reason why." "Friends by heart, sisters by soul. Quiet and shy? Psshh, try outta control!" "... and yeah, I'm I dinosaur. So rawr and stuff..." "I'm not STRANGE! I'm DIFFERENT!" "Be who you want to be; not what others want to see." I hate it when you can't stop thinking about that one person...and deep down inside you know they probably haven't thought about you once... "An apple a day keeps the doctor away; but if the doctor is cute, the fruit!" "Nothing lasts forever. So live it up, laugh it off, drink it down, avoid the bull, take chances, NEVER HAVE REGRETS because at one point, everything you did was EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED!" "Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that EVERYTHING happens for a reason." "I don't forgive people because I'm weak; I forgive them because I'm strong enough to know that people make mistakes." "Me and you is friends. You smile, I smile. You hurt, I hurt. You cry, I cry. You jump off a bridge... I'm gonna miss you." "Live your life CRAZY! And love every second of it!" "I don't forgive people because I'm weak; I forgive them because I'm strong enough to know that people make mistakes." “I am here to give a laugh. A day without a smile is a day wasted.” "I have super powers... I just don't wanna show you..." The BEST things in life are FREE. The SECOND BEST things are EXPENSIVE!" "For once I don't have to try to be happy, because when I'm with you, it just happens." "Change is never easy. You fight to hold on; you fight to let go..." "We're just silly little girls, who fall for stupid boys." "LOVE is the closest thing there is to MAGIC!" "All I want is for ONE GUY, to prove to me that they're not all the same." "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." "I don't want to dream of you... I want to be WITH you..." "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best." "I'm a GOOD GIRL, with a lot of BAD HABITS." "DON'T let life pass you by." "Love is... when you learn to say sorry, even if it wasn't your fault." "Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you." "HAHA! Wait... what?" "I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome!" "DRINK COFFEE! Do stupid things faster, with more energy." "Yeah, I jump in rain puddles with my friends. We look crazy... so what?" "My FRIENDS are CRAZY but I LOVE them." "Love me or hate me. Either way, I'm on your mind." "Don't make someone a PRIORITY when they make you an OPTION." "Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain, cherish the memories, ignore the pain, love and Lear, forgive and forget, because remember you have only ONE LIFE TO LIVE!" "It's hard to wait around for something that you know may never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you've ever wanted." "True love is... when you shed a tear and still want him. It's when he ignores you and you still love him. It's when he loves another and you smile and say 'I'm happy for you', when all you really do is cry... and cry..." "Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... it's about learning how to dance in the rain." Be kinder than necessary, Because everyone you meet Is fighting some kind of battle. "Be who you are and say what you feel . . . Because those that matter . . . don't mind . . . And those that mind . . . don't matter." If you can’t look back and smile, it’s probably best to forget it… If cleanliness is next to godliness, then everything in nature is dirty as hell... His real name is Richard, call him Harry Roses are red, Get Off Our Planet Alien Scum! I'm A Black Belt In Origami! I Did What They Said And Chose The Road Less Traveled... Now Where The Hell Am I? When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Apple Juice, Then Laugh While People Try To Figure Out What The Hell You Did It Doesn't Matter If The Glass Is Half Empty Or Half Full, Just Drink It And Get It Over With Why Do Adults Teach Kids That Violence Isn't The Answer, And Then Have Them Read About Wars In Schools That Solved America's Problems? When Women Are Depressed, They Either Eat Or Go Shopping. When Men Are Depressed, They Invade Another Country There Are Three Types Of People: Those That Can Count, And Those That Can't The Surest Sign Of Intelligent Life Out There Is That None Of Them Has Ever Tried To Contact Us Why Is It Necessary To Nail Down The Lid Of A Coffin? Why Don't We Ever See The Headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why Doesn't Glue Stick To The Inside Of The Bottle? Can Fat People Go Skinny-dipping? If A Person With Multiple Personalities Threatens To Commit Suicide, Is That Considered A Hostage Situation? If A Cow Laughed, Would Milk Come Out Of Her Nose? Light Travels Faster Than Sound. Isn't That Why People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak? Sarcasm Isn't An Attitude, Its An Art Just When I Thought You Said The Stupidest Thing Ever, You Kept Talking We're Americans. We're A Simple People... But Piss Us Off And We'll Bomb Your Cities Too Often, We Lose Sight Of Life's Simple Pleasures. Remember, When Someone Annoys You, It Takes Forty-two Muscles In Your Face To Frown. But, It Only Takes Four Muscles To Extend Your Arm And Bitch-slap The Idiot Upside The Head He Said, "I Don't Know Why You Wear A Bra. You Don't Have Anything To Put In It. She Said, "You Wear Pants, Don't You?" My Best Friends Are The Kind That If My House Were On Fire, They'd Be Roasting Marshmallows And Flirting With The Firemen If Heat Rises, Then Shouldn't Hell Be Cold? My Siblings Make The Cowardly Lion Look Like The Terminator One Day, We'll Look Back On This, Laugh Nervously, Then Change The Subject Ever Stop To Think And Forget To Start Again? Flying Is Simple. Just Throw Yourself At The Ground And Miss It's "...One Nation Under God..." Or Bite My Skinny Ass And Leave! I say "OUCH!" before I'm even sure it hurt... just in case. Only In America Do We Use The Word "Politics". To Describe The Process So Well: "Poli" In Latin Meaning "Many" And "Tics" Meaning "Bloodsucking Creatures" Stupidity Killed The Cat. Curiosity Was Framed! If You MUST Burn Our Flag, Please Wrap Yourself In It First I Can't Use The Cellphone In The Car. I Have To Keep My Hands Free For Making Gestures The Key To A Nice-looking Lawn Is A Good Mower. I Recommend One Who Is Muscular And Shirtless My Idea Of Rebooting Is Kicking Somebody In The Butt Twice Take Every Birthday With A Grain Of Salt. This Works Much Better If The Salt Accompanies A Margarita Don't Let Aging Get You Down. Its Too Hard To Get Back Up! Do You Realize That In About Forty Years, We'll Have Millions Of Old Ladies Running Around With Tattoos And Pierced Navels? Money Can't Buy Happiness... But Somehow Its More Comfortable To Cry In A Porsche Than A Kia If You Woke Up Breathing, Congratulations! You Have Another Chance! They Say Love Hides Behind Every Corner. I Must Be Walking In Circles! The Difference Between Fiction And Reality? Fiction Has To Make Sense Heaven Kicked Me Out. Hell Was Afraid I'll Take Over! I Am Currently Out Of My Mind, Feel Free To Leave A Message I'm Bored. Run For You Sanity! Its Better To Keep Your Mouth Shut And Appear Stupid Than To Open It And Remove All Doubt What Is A "Free Gift"? Aren't All Gifts Free? I Want To Die Sleeping Like My Great Grandfather...Not Screaming And Yelling Like The Passengers In His Car... If You Don't Like My Driving, Then Stay Off The Sidewalk! Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My Work Here Is Done Damn… I’m addicted to lollipops… To Put It Nicely, I HOPE YOU CHOKE! If The World Didn't Suck, We'd Fall Off Silence Is Golden, Duct Tape Is Silver... I Like You. When The World Is Mine, Your Death Will Be Quick And Painless Boys Are Like Purses. Cute, Filled With Crap, And Are Easy To Replace Smile. It Confuses People Bravery Is Just A Nice Way Of Saying Stupidity So.. What You're Saying Is That I Should Cancel My Plans To Invade China? No! I Wont Go To Hell! They Have A Restraining Order Against Me! Mello Shoots Anyone Who Calls Him A Girl. I Shoot Any Bitch Who Touches My Chocolate. Let The Battle Begin! My Friends Are The Type Of People Who Would Try To Drown A Fish, But I Love Them Anyway A Day Without Sunshine Is Like... Night Everything Good In Life Is Either Illegal, Immoral, Or Fattening No, I Don't Have PMS, I Just Really Hate You God, Give Me The Serenity To Accept The Things That I Can't Change, The Strength To Change Things That I Can, And The Wisdom To Hide The Dead Bodies Of The People I Had To Kill Because They Annoyed Me If You Can't Drink And Drive, Then Why Do Bars Have Parking Lots? If You Jog Backwards, Will You Gain Weight? I'm Not So Good At Advice. Can I Interest You In A Sarcastic Comment? Always Forgive Your Enemies. Nothing Annoys Them So Much It Is A Sad Day When You Fail Your IQ Test. Its An Even Sadder Day When You Fail Your Gender Test... I Can Only Please One Person Per Day. Today Is Not Your Day. Tomorrow's Not Looking Good Either An Apple A Day, Keeps The Doctor Away. If The Doctor Is Cute, SCREW THE FRUIT! How Is It Possible To Have A "Civil War"? 6. things you should never say or do when with vampires 1. never put your hair you in a pony tail and pretend you have a neck cramp. 2. never tell a vampire to bite me. 3. never pretend vampires don't scare you and freak out when you see a spider. 4. never hang out with vampires period. 5. YOU WILL NOT RECIEVE LIFE INSURANCE IF YOU HANG OUT WITH VAMPIRES. 6. never tell a vampire to suck it. 7. NEVER, NEVER, EVER! tell edward cullen that he's gay (Its a well known secret.) 9 Things I Find Annoying: 1. People Who Point At Their Wrist While Asking For The Time... I Know Where My Watch Is Pal, Where The Hell Is Yours? Do I Point At My Crotch When I Ask Where The Toilet Is? 2. People Who Are Willing To Get Off Their Ass To Search The Entire Room To Find The TV Remote Because They Refuse To Get Up And Change The Channel Manually. 3. When People Say, 'Oh You Just Want To Have Your Cake And Eat It Too.' Damn Right! What Good Is Cake If You Can't Eat It? 4. When People Say, 'It's Always The Last Place You Look.' Of Course It Is. Why The Hell Would You Keep Looking After You Found It? Do People Do This? Who And Where Are They? I'm Gonna Kick Their Asses! 5. When People Say While Watching A Film, 'Did You See That?' No Loser, I Spent 12 Dollars To Come To The Cinema And Stare At The Damn Floor. 6. People Who Ask, 'Can I Ask You A Question?' Didn't Really Give Me A Choice There, Did Ya Sunshine? 7. When Something Is 'New And Improved.' Which Is It? If Its New, Then There Has Never Been Anything Before It. If Its An Improvement, Then There Must Have Been Something Before It, So It Can't Be New. 8. When People Say, 'Life Is Too Short.' What The Hell? Life Is The Longest Damn Thing Anyone Ever Does! What Can You Do That's Longer? 9. When You're Waiting For The Bus And Someone Asks, 'Has The Bus Come Yet?' If The Bus Came, Would I Be Standing Here Dumb-ass? 10 Ways To Annoy People 1. Go Into A Grocery Store And Follow Someone Around Asking, "Guess What?" 2. Go Into A Department Store And Sneak Up On Somebody Who Is Talking On A Cell Phone And Whisper, "Who're Ya Talkin' To?" And When They Say, "Hey Dude, Can I Have A Little Privacy Please?" You Say, "No, 'Cause You're In Pubic, Bud. You Can't Have Privacy In Public!" 3.Do The Old Trick When You Put Dog Crap In A Bag Then Set It On Fire, And Leave It On Somebody's Doorstep. So If They're Going To Try To Stomp It Out, They Have To Get Dog Crap All Over Their Shoe. 4. Prank Call The Same Person Over And Over Asking Them What Color Their Underwear Is. 5. If You're A Guy, You'll Love This One. Go Into Hot Topic And Pretend To Have A Heart-attack, And When A Hot Blond Does CPR, Start Kissing Her. (Warning: This One Can Get You Slapped And Maybe A Butt-whooping From Her Boyfriend) 6. Go Into A Public Restroom And Use The Toilet Paper As A Mummy Wrap, And Jump Out Screaming, "Boo!" 7. Come Running Out Of A Restroom Saying To Random People, "Whoa Dude! Come See The Size Of The One I Just Made!" 8. Noisily Chew Gum Behind Someone Who Is Trying To Read, And When They Turn Around, Spit It Out And Hold It Out To Them And Say, "Hey, Want Some? It's Watermelon!" 9. Go Into The Toy Section And Leave A 'Used Diaper' On The Ground And Say, "The Dolly Had An Accident." 10. Go Into A Mall At Christmas Time And Pull Off Santa's Beard Screaming, "Holy Cow! It's A Fake! He Ain't Real!" My Mother Taught Me... 1. My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done. 2. My mother taught me religion. 3. My mother taught me about time travel. 4. My mother taught me logic. 5. My mother taught me more logic. 6. My mother taught me foresight. 7. My mother taught me irony. 8. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis. 9. My mother taught me contortionism. 10. My mother taught me about stamina. 11. My mother taught me about weather. 12. My mother taught me about hypocrisy. 13. My mother taught me the circle of life. 14. My mother taught me about behavior modification. 15. My mother taught me about envy. 16. My mother taught me about anticipation. 17. My mother taught me about receiving. 18. My mother taught me medical science. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me humor. 21. My mother taught me how to become an adult. 22. My mother taught me genetics. 23. My mother taught me about my roots. 24. My mother taught me wisdom. 25. And my favorite:My mother taught me about justice. Female Comebacks Man: Where have you been all of my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, whats your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together. Man: Your eyes are amazing. man:care to go for a movie? Woman: care to go for a quick run? Favorite Animaniacs Quotes Pilgrim: Ye be not turkeys. What be ye? Dr. Scratch'n'Sniff: I'm beginning to think you're not normal. Yakko: Wait a minute. You expect us poor innocent children to climb up a dangerous scaffolding and paint naked people all over a church? Wakko: (Playing with Scratch'n'Sniff's statue of his head) Ooh, a giant pez dispenser. Want one? (Magically opening it) Wakko: (Holds out Bible) Do you swear? Yakko: (Chanting while wearing Musketeer costumes) Hup, two, three, four! (Changes into Egyptian costumes) No one's gettin' in this door! (Changes into ballet costumes) Five, six, seven, eight! (Changes into kimonos) Gonna ask Cindy Crawford for a date! Dr. Scratch'n'Sniff: Now we will work on our diction. How do we avoid bad elocution? Dot: Wow, dummer than advertise. Dot: And what's so special about it? Teacher: Wakko, what is the meaning of the word procrastination? Yakko: Fine, don't worry about me. I'll find someone to rump with. (Whistles. Women come out of nowhere) I love cartoons. Yakko: Alright, alright, we get the picture. If you don't want any cookies, then just leave. Yakko: Dot, I appoint you minister of girlie things that I don't understand. Beethoven: I am Ludwig Van Beethoven, world famous composer, and pianist. Michelangelo: You fools, I am the great Michelangelo, and this is the Sistine Chapel. Wakko: (To the big woman blocking the isle) Excuse me. Yakko: (Addressing kingdom) Citizens of Anvilania, I stand before you because if I was behind you, you couldn't see me. Dot: All we know is that we like you. We have no taste, but we like you. Yakko & Wakko: (Panting) Helloooo Nurse! Yakko: Goodbyeeee Nurse! Yakko & Wakko: Helloooo Harp! Big Guy: (Claps for henchman's attention) Show these kids the door. Wakko: (Lying down, looking at stars) Look at all those stars. Yakko, Wakko, & Dot: (Singing man a lullaby) Hush little king, please don't cry. We're going to sing you a lullaby. A big, scary monster man is coming for you, he'll gobble you up like chucky beef stu. (Give man a kiss) Goodnight. (Leave room) Yakko, Wakko& Dot: (singing) we love you. Man: Why are you acting like this? Dot: (To giant) You know, you really should pluck those unsightly nose hairs. (Plucks a nose hair) Yakko: All is strange and vague. Death: All right, feel free to move first, it really doesn’t matter I haven’t lost at checkers since time began. War General: Do you know who I am? Friends Verses Best Friends Friend: Never asks for anything to eat or drink Friend: Calls your parents Mr. and Mrs. and your grandpa, Grandpa Friend: Would bail you out of jail Friend: Would bail you out again because you're "a good person" Friend: Have never seen you cry Friend: Asks you to write down your number Friend: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back Friend: Only knows a few things about you Friend: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing Friend: Would knock on your front door Friend: You have to tell them not to tell anyone Friend: Are only with you through high school/college (lunch buddies) Friend: Will comfort when a guy rejects you Friend: Helps you find your prince Friend: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying Friend: Offers you soda Friend: will try to calm you down and say ‘karma will get her.’ Friend: calms you down Friend: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month Friend: Gives you their umbrella in the rain Friend: Will help you move Friend: Helps you up when you fall Friend: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough Friend: Tell you that you're too good for him when you get dumped Friend: Asks you why you're crying Friend: Hides you from the cops Friend: Will help you find your way when you're lost Friend: Will help you learn how to drive Friend: would take you to wal-mart for a pregnancy test Friend: Would ignore this letter Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts 1. The giant squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball 2. I am not allowed to sing "We're Off To See The Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office 3. I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter 4. I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick 5. I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar 6. I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 ball to Divination 7. I am not allowed to say that Seamus Flinnigan is "after my lucky charms" 8. I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's tasteless, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy 9. I am not allowed to make fun of Remus's "time of the month" 10. I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand 11. I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and tell him that they're real animals 12. I am not allowed to refer the Accio charm as "The Force" 13. I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "extra Herbology homework 14. I am not allowed to use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin House mascot 15. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I assume that I'm not allowed to use it 16. I am not allowed to lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in the same room and bet on which House will come out alive 17. I am not allowed to charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" of the Christmas Feast 18. I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug a Slytherin Day" 19. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways 20. It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor 21. I will not say the phrase, "Get a life," to Voldemort 22. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy 23. I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling 24. I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning Myrtle an eye-full" 25. I will not make "OMGWTF" a spell 26. It is not necessary to yell, "BAM!" every time I Apparate 27. I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways 28. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colors indicate that they're "covered in bees" 29. "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name," is not a challenge 30. I will not go to class skyclad 31. I will not use Umbridge's quiz to write, "Told ya I was Hard Core" 32. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm 33. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers 34. I will not start every Potions class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as body lotion 35. I will not call the Weasley twins "bookends" 36. I will not call the Patil twins "bookends" 37. I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak 38. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine 39. I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts 40. Tricking a school House Elf to strip off its clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!" 41. I do not weigh the same as a duck 42. I do not have a Dalek Patronus 43. I will not lick Trevor 44. "Gryffindor Courage" does not come in bottles labeled as "Firewhiskey" 45. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween 46. It is a bad idea to tell Snape that he takes himself too seriously 47. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the knights who say, "Ni," have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, "Ni," from various directions 48. I am not King of the Potato People and do not have a flying carpet 49. "Conquering the world with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice 50. I will not tell First Years that Snape is the voice of God 31 Things To Do While You're In Walmart 1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5 minute intervals 2. Make a trail of tomato juice that leads to the restrooms 3. Walk up to an employee and tell them in an official tone, "Code 3 in Housewares." See what happens 4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway 5. Move a "CAUTION-WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera and use use it as a mirror. Pick your nose 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are 10. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack, and when people browse through, yell, "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and yell loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!" 15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle shouting, "Go! Pikachu! Go!" 16. Get twenty-four boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking 17. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one 18. Buy three hundred fifty packets of tune and yell, “THIS CAN’T BE RIGHT! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!” once the cashier tells you the price 19. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find the bananas 20. Start a fish stick fight 21. Walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then yell, “I MISSED YA, MAN!” 22. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming, “THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!” 23. Do it again, this time screaming, “THE REDNECKS ARE COMING! THE REDNECKS ARE COMING!” 24. Slip a bra and a pair of lacy pink underwear into a really macho-looking man’s cart 25. Attempt to fly off a high shelf 26. Throw confetti at random people walking into the store 27. Whisper, “I know your ‘little secret’,” to people in the check-out line 28. Stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section. Try saying you’re a turkey leg 29. Walk up to employees and whisper, “I saw dead people... They want me to take you away... to aisle 8...” 30. On the announcer thing, start singing “Baby Got Back,” by Sir-Mix-A lot 31. Shout at the top of your lungs “WALDEMORT IS TAKING OVER!” and count how many people turn to look at you. These Are Actual Instruction Labels On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping (Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary! Details inside (Shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions- Use like regular soap (And that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion- Defrost (But its 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (Printed on bottom of box) Do not turn upside down (Too late! You lose!) On Mark's & Spencer's bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating (Are you sure? Let's experiment!) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body (But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those forklifts) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning- May cause drowsiness (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Keep out of children (Hmm. Something must have gotten lost in the translation) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only (As opposed to use in outer space) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use (Now I'm curious!) On Sainbury's peanuts: Warning- Contains nuts (But no peas?) On an American Airline packet of nuts: Instructions- Open packet, eat nuts (Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands (Raise your hand if you've tried this) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief!) On a packet of pop tarts: Do not toast pastries in packet (really? I always wondered why my pop tarts came out shiny.) The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... THINGS TO SAY NEXT TIME YOUR PLAYING FATE. 1. finish killing some one with a fire enchanted weapon and yell 'Oooh feel da burn! 2.dual wield a fire enchanted and an ice enchanted item and say ' your made of pixels and i'm made of the same things as my weapons, fire, ice, and cold, sharp steel. 3.feed your pet a fish that turns it into a gargoyle and call it 'indigestion'. 4. if you find the cheese head of the emerald bay, (It's a hat that looks like a chunck of cheese) put it on and say i am now a bone headed bleach blond. 5.die and when death pops up offering you the 4 choices, tell your parents 'MOM! Death is trying to negotiate with me!' JOYS OF BEING TALL(ER THAN EVERYONE ELSE) 1. when i get mad i can punch the ceiling 2.when someone asks me how the weather is up here, i can dump snow on them 3.when someone offends me i can step on them. 4. people look up to me cause they can't see me otherwise 5. every one is a squirt period. 6.I now look down at my older, beloved siblings 7. midget is a legal term for normal. 8. I am NOT 16 no matter what the charts say 9. Being tall is not a common luxury among the guys my age Sniff so sad Wipes tear off of eye and flicks it across the room 10. I can hide in a crowd of angry revolting high schoolers Favorite Maximum Ride Quotes Jeb: Hello Max. How do you feel? ter Bortcht: Ve need to gather some final data. Den you vill be exterminated. Gasman: Good! Because we like to blow stuff up, blow stuff up, blow stuff up, blow stuff up! Max: Ah, the joys of being an adolescent hybrid runaway. Max: I blame you for altering my DNA! I mean, I have wings lady! What were you thinking?! Nudge: Jessica. Jessica Miranda, Alicia Tangerine Butterfly. Iggy: I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain. Total: I'm such a marshmallow. Iggy: I'll grab a zebra. Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging. And lets throw the beef jerky right into their eyes! Now that's a plan! Max: One sec. Voice imparting unnecessary knowledge. Chinese Scientists: Tell us about your sense of direction. How does it work? Max: Write that down. He's a notorious dessert stealer. Max: Clear as pea soup! Chinese Scientists: How high can you fly? Max: I don't know, let me check my tummy altimeter. Max: Thats funny, it was there this morning... Max: I basically have two speeds, hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice. ter Bortcht: You. Do you haf any qualities dat distinuish you in any way? Total: Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit… Max: Oops. I guess they forgot to program us with respect for authority. ter Bortcht: You don't speak much, do you? (Fang stays silent) Vhy do you let a girl be de leader? Max: Let's see. High stone walls, lifeless span of grit, mutants marching around... I don't know-- I'm thinking it says 'prison yard.' How about you guys? Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile! Fun and random: If you want the memory of Steve Irwin (the Crocodile Hunter) to live on, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile. If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours. If you spend time copying things into your profile, copy this into your profile. If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile! If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. If you've ever gone into a laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy this into your profile. If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this onto your profile. If you've ever run into a door copy this onto your profile. If you have ever run into a tree copy this onto your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile. If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile. If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. If you've ever fallen off your chair, put this in your profile. If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile. A large percent of authors do not know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you do know the difference, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet (or dead silent) room, copy and paste this to your profile. Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile. Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "two small" and "off it's orbit" for some scientist's liking. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this into your profile. If Fanfiction to you is what Myspace is to other people, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit his darn Trix already, copy and paste this into your profile. Nintey five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever felt like something was watching you then turned around and saw that nothing was there, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate all the ads popping up while you're trying to read a story, copy and paste this into your profile. If you know chocolate is very bad for your energy meter because you know it will burst through the top in pure sugar rush but are obsessed with it anyway copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've noticed that after you send a personal message it says PMs in big letters at the top of the screen and want them to change that, copy and paste this on your profile You know you live in 2008 when... 1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. Underline = Yes/True! You know you're obsessed with Anime when... 1. You own a shiny metal object of doom. 2. You and your friends have anime nicknames. 3. You know your favourite character’s birthday; favourite colour food and animal, blood type, and you can’t even remember your sibling’s birthday. 4. You are in multiple anime fan clubs (or own some!). 5. You almost die if you miss an episode of your favourite anime or can’t buy the newest manga. 6. Your friend shows you their manga collection and you drool all over there carpet. 7. You have dressed up as you favourite character on Halloween, or just for fun! 8. You have a picture of your favourite character in your wallet or purse. 9. You prefer guys with long silver hair and swords. 10. You write a story about your favourite character for English class. 11. You have pictures of anime all over you walls. 12. You have a dream in Japanese and you don’t even understand it. 13. you want to learn Japanese for no apparent reason, even though you have never been to Japan and probably never will. 14. Your knowledge of Japanese only extends to "hello" and "I will kill you". 15. You begin to learn Japanese through watching subs. 16. You use Japanese when in a conversation with any random person, and don’t realize you did until you see them looking at you funny. 17.You can't speak Japanese, can't understand Japanese yet you can sing along to the theme song of every anime movie you own. 18. You accidentally call a very unintelligent person Kuwabara by mistake. (Actually i accedently called an introvert Kaze but...) 19. You where a pink jewel around your neck and call it the shikon jewel. (Not yet) 20. You waist countless amounts of hair gel trying to that "goku" look. 21. (If you speak English) when English becomes your second language. (It's my first) 22. You name (or plan to name) your children after anime characters. 23. You buy shuriken or kunai. (I want to...) 24. You speak in subtitles. 25. You prefer anime over real life. 26. You begin to think that blue or pink is a natural hair colour. 27. You continually buy and eat ramen, even if you don’t like it that much. 28. You suddenly decide to study a random martial art. 29. You cosplay daily. 30. When you get a crush on an anime character "REMEMBER WHEN" REMEMBER WHEN .. IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school A guy and a girl were speeding over 100km on a motorcyle. Girl: Slow down! Guy: No this is fun! Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary! Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you. Now slow down. Guy: Now give me a big hug. (She gave him a big hug) Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me. In the newspaper, the next day, a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realized his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy and paste this into your profile Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cryed post this in your profile Only in America... 1. Can a pizza get to your house faster then the cops. 2. Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 3. Do we put cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 4. Do we buy hotdogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 5. Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we don't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. dreams i've had that have no meaning while falling asleep during science class: i was painting toothbrushes with an albino dwarf that kinda looked like a nome... Sleeping: I don’t know why but for some reason I was fighting seto kaiba from yu gi oh for no apparent reason and then half way through we realized that part of the fight was supposed to be a make-out competition and we started kissing because Joey was the referee and said it was now a make-out fight, then after that I left and started beating the crap out of darth maul from star wars 1 with a fake plastic lightsaber…. Pick your birth month JANUARY: FEBRUARY: MARCH: APRIL: MAY: JUNE: JULY: AUGUST: SEPTEMBER: OCTOBER: NOVEMBER: DECEMBER: Best things to say when turning down a date: "I have to save the world from an alien looking for it's hair brush." "My llama ran away and that's the day we're going to look for it.'' "The mother ship is coming to get me." "I have to remind my sister to blink." ''I'm putting all 437 of my Pokemon cards in ABC order." "I watch new episodes of the Secret Saturdays alone, bud." "I already have plans to go water skying in the desert with Santa." ''I can't find my special underpants." ''The master wouldn't like me going out with you humans.'' ''I have to go back to the future." ''I have to tie my shoe a million times that day." "Do you smell food? I'll have to get back to on that." Yes-someone else made these up ,but they really work! Ways to Annoy people at the cinema: Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. Yell out what is going to happen. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. Wear 3d glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. Try to start a wave. Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" Sing with the theme music. Bring and use your own air freshener. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!" Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?" Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat" Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. Sit in the front row. When someone walks by you in the aisle scream, "Ahhhhhh! Bad Touch!" Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. During a love scene, stand up and run to the screen shouting "Hooters!" Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer’s name is going to be said. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. Pass by a room that’s showing a movie you’ve already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending. What High School Musical has Taught Us 1. If you wish to show your inability or dislike for dancing, it's perfectly reasonable to break out in a dance number. 2. College? It's not important, as long as you can hang out with your friends. 3. If your love is strong enough, fireworks will go off, and lanterns will fly away as you and your boyfriend kiss. 4. Playing sports is a hint that it's time to break into song. 5. Don't worry about being rude/mean because in the end things will work out for you. 6. School spirit is a must. Especially during the summer. 7. Your friends are not human and should always be addressed by the name of their school mascot. 8. Yes! You can paint your locker pink! Screw the school board. 9. You can be a chef, lifeguard, or golf assistant...no experience needed! 10. A guy can never wear too much bronzer. 11. Lakes are the equilivant of mirrors. They can show your reflection perfectly! 12. It is possible to memorize a 3 minute song over the course of 30 seconds...and sing it perfectly! 13. It doesn't matter that you're not a staff member... You can still attend any and all staff events. 14. The phrase 'more moves than an octopus in a wrestling match' is something that can be used in everyday conversation 15. There are two bells that get you out of school. The first one tells you to start singing and dancing, the second announces you should stop. 16. Even though its the last day of school, its okay to leave stuff in the locker for the summer. 17. If your family is 'saving pennies' for your college education and gives you a junky truck to drive because they 'can't afford anything else', it is normal for their kitchen to have expensive granite counter tops and a 7,000 fridge. 18. Pianos can float now. Go ahead, try it. 19. It's perfectly acceptable for a guy to wear girl's capris. 20. If you're upset, just run through a golf course, jumping and spinning, while singing 'Bet on it'...you won't fall at any point, and no one will stop and think 'what the hell?'. 21. You can send telepathic messages to your mom to tell her to pick you up just as you're finishing your breakup song with your boyfriend. 22. A resort can be highly successful when there are way more employees than guests. 23. 'And she stepped on the ball' is actually quite funny. You just need to put it into context. 24. One family can apparently control an entire city, including all educational institutions in the area. 25. It's good manners to refer to your mother as a 'backstabber' 26. Turkey imported from Maine is much better than any other turkey. In fact, it's fabulous... 27. Apparently, it is now possible to hire an entire high school to be the staff at an upscale country club. 28. Iced tea from England is blue 29. Water Bug is a really cute, funny, and romantic pet name. -gags- Gah, my god, Rowsely... 30. Being a teenage paparazzi at school and taking multiple pictures of the same two people is not weird or creepy in any way 31. When your girlfriend tells you that your shoes don't match your tie, you must do a stupid looking surfer move to see if she's right, you can't just look down. 32. Take two small saucepan lids and bang them together. You'll find they make the exact same sound as a large GONG. Go on, have a go. 33. It IS possible to have any object in the world come in pink & engraved with your initials. 34. If you are the basketball star of your school, you can get yourself, as well as the rest of the school, summer jobs. 35. Lava Springs apparently had no employees, since they had to hire a whole new staff. 36. Don't change your friends, change your dreams. 37. 'What team?' 'Wildcats!''GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!' can fix any problem. 38. Basketball scholarships at the University of Albuquerque depend completely on your musical performance skills 39. Guitars and speaker equipment can be placed near a pool safely. 40. When you frolic with your girlfriend in the golf course, you get in trouble. When you frolic by yourself and sing, nothing happens, of course. Names 1. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) racizzle 2. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (color and animal) pink tiger 3. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name) cajsa monserate illia 4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name) detranor 5. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (color, drink) pink cola 6. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name) atjoak 7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name) kay 8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets) black lou lou, black sharpie :) 9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (fruit, and something that can go wrong) peach C4 10. YOUR PIRATE NAME: (color, pirate accessory) pink cutlass Reasons Why Girls Are The Best 1. We got off the Titanic first 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies... you get the point. 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people still find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We can have men do what we want by merely unbuttoning our shirts. 31. At least one girl always survives in a horror movie. 32. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our toenails without feeling the least bit silly. 33. Our magazines have horoscopes. 34. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around. 35. Our friends don't say "hi" by punching us in the arm. 36. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month. 37. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have. 38. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket. 39. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing. This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! Bold the ones that apply to you! 1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out 5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking 8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand 18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard 20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot 29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk 30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock 66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions 67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong 73. Ran into a door jam 84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about 93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper (teacher lol awesome day!) 98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling. 99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class yep... I fail. YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..." You live off of sugar and caffine People think you're insane. You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then dissappear off the face of the earth the next. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. Copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions. Take Time To Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line. Then you'll get the joke YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. Random Quotes and Things I Feel The Need To Say Me - (Frowning)Dang it! Not again... Me - (Watching an action movie at the cinema) Did you see that!? Me - (After getting hit) Dude! I am not a pinata! Megan - (Confused) Hendecagon's exsist? Me - (In chemistry) I like to burn things. claudia- (In Biology, Me and Rikki are taking about medical stuff - fracture's etc.) Shut the heck up! Go and be medical geeks somewhere else! Hollee- So, he likes me and I like him. But he doesn't know that I like him and he likes me but I know that I like him and he likes me? Me - (Arguing with Callum) I don't give a damn! He should go die in a big, pink, hole! me - (In French) Avez-vous plan a la village? O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O (The next ones of are of me and my...er, strange friends) M: I’m bored! S: Remember the Alamo! m: Oh My GOSH! I’m so hyper! M: Can I have soda? C: Um… what are you doing? C: AVENGE THE AVENGER! M: BUNNIES SHALL RULE THE WORLD! C: All hail the mighty PIE! M: I Figured out what my career is going to be! Once in a while you meet someone, and soon you both discover the two of you are truly something special to each other. You share your thoughts and feelings so relaxed, so openly, and right away you know your friendship’s truly meant to be ... Life isn’t about keeping score. It’s not about how many friends you have Or how accepted you are Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you’re alone It isn’t about whom you’re dating, who you used to date how many people you’ve dated, or if you haven’t been with anyone at all. It isn’t about whom you have kissed, It’s not about sex It isn’t about who your family is or how much money they have or what kind of car you drive or where you are sent to school It’s not about how beautiful or ugly you are or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on or what kind of music you listen to It’s not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown or if your skin is too light or too dark Not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everybody else thinks you are, or how smart standardised tests say you are It’s not about what clubs you’re in or how good you are at “your” sport It’s not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing who will “accept the written you” LIFE JUST ISN’T But, life is about whom you love and who you hurt It’s about whom you make happy or unhappy purposefully It’s bout keeping or betraying trust It’s about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon It’s about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening About starting rumours and contributing to petty gossip It’s about what judgements you pass and why and who your judgements are spread to It’s about whom you’ve ignored with full control and intention It’s about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge It’s about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow and spreading it But most of all, it’s about using your life to touch or poison other people’s hearts in such a way that could have never occurred alone Only you choose the way those hearts are affected, and those choices are what life’s all about Tequila and Salt This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true. 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. Girls you rule! ilya! | |||||
1. the insanity filled times »Lilia is going to enjoy a fun day in an empty house for the next week nothing could possibly go wrong but squeenix and Disney had to prove her wrong... like always. Luckily Max is always there to help.Crossover - Final Fantasy VII & Kingdom Hearts - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 12,407 - Updated: 4-6-11 - Published: 11-25-092. how wizard of oz should have ended reviewstitle says it all, one shot k for censoresWizard of Oz - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 462 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 2-11-103. animaniacs ffu » reviewsk for all of u who don't understand ffu i put it into animaniacs cast and jokes but same story line. this is for claudiaCrossover - Animaniacs & Final Fantasy: Unlimited - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,274 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 2-5-10 - Published: 1-24-104. final fantasy unlimited discovering fan fiction reviewslisa and the others find fan fiction online but the story really makes fun of Kazes character and pisses him off... this is my first fanfic so sorry if it sucks. :D ps if this gets a good rating expect more!Final Fantasy: Unlimited - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 470 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11-23-09 - Complete
