Hello, folks. We are two (LOTR, among other things) fanfiction writers - Phoebe and Talking Hawk! We each have our own separate accounts on this site, and plenty of stories, but we decided to write one together. So, instead of posting it on only one of our accounts, we decided to make one for the both of us. Brilliant, isn't it? It was Phoebe's idea, by the way.

NEWS AS OF...
4-17 - Chapter One was revised, and the introduction was added in with it. Please, if you are reading, write up a little review to let us know what you think. We'd greatly appreciate it. =)
4-05 - Chapter Five is now up! Chapter Three is also revised.

Phoebe: (blushes) Aw...it's not brilliant...
Talking Hawk: Yeah, it is! I wouldn't have thought of it..
Sam: (blinks) Neither would I... Though only reason I'M here is browse through the authors' list to see how many people have my names in their screen name...YEAH... (reads) "Sam4903598u0924u, Sam_is_a_hunk_007, Sam_luvs_me_not_Rosey"... (sighs dreamily) I feel so loved...
Frodo: (cough) Idiot. (cough)
Sam: WHAT was that?
Frodo: ...Nothing...
Sam: That's what I THOUGHT...
Legolas: Children, CHILDREN!
Frodo and Sam: (blink at him stupidly)
Legolas: (feebly) Sorry, it's the age difference..
Talking Hawk: (ignores them, and reads through Phoebe's bio) ..."Talking Hawk writes the most wonderful LOTR fics in the whole world"?? (melts in real life) AWWWWW...NOT TRUE!!
Sam: (blinks) Eh? (looks over her shoulder at the computer screen) Hey...Phoebe really did write that.
Talking Hawk: (pounces out of chair and gives Phoebe a huge hug)
Phoebe: O_O Can't...breath... (faints)
Talking Hawk: (blinks) Um, oops... That wasn't supposed to happen...
Peter Jackson: (sighs in frustration) CUT! (comes out on stage) Let's try to get this right next time, OKAY? (turns to camera man, annoyed) Take 2, 079!
Legolas: Hey..! That's my age!!
Peter Jackson: Do I care?
Legolas: (sadly) ...No...
Peter Jackson: That's what I thought... (takes his seat back in the director's chair)
Elijah Wood: Hey, that's not very nice..!
Legolas: (blinks) ...Frodo..?
Elijah Wood: ...Um, no. My name's Elijah Wood. Nice to meet you! (grins)
Legolas: (shakes head) No, you're Frodo Baggins of the Shire..
Elijah Wood: (long stare) ...You can shut up now.
Legolas: Well, okay, if you insist. (sits down and lowers his head meekly, his hands folded on his lap)
Gimli: (slowly turns to the screen, an eyebrow lifted) ...Never knew Le-go-mah-eggo was such a wimp.
Fan girls: NO, HE'S NOT!!! (kill the one and only dwarf in the movie)
Peter Jackson: This will never do... Not many men are willing to go through five hours of hair and make-up before filming! What will I do??
(Five minutes later, a human girl appears on stage, wearing a brown beard.)
Talking Hawk: (is the girl) Grrrrrr..
Reader: Hey..! You're supposed to be a talking HAWK!
Phoebe: ...She probably wishes she was one right about now...
Gandalf: (POOF)
Talking Hawk: ....NnnnnoOOOOOOOO!
Peter Jackson: NnnnooOOOOOO!
Phoebe: NnnnnoOOOOOOOO!
Pippin: NNnnnnnnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Merry: (blinks) Why should YOU care?
Pippin: (pause) ...I don't know. I guess it's 'cause she likes me.
Merry: AND Frodo, and Sam, and me, and Legolas, and-
Pippin: Shut up. (punches him out)
Phoebe: HeheHE! (snatches Pippin up and runs off into the sunset)
Talking HAWK: (blinks, then looks up at Sam, who suddenly appears) ...I like you more than I like him.
Sam: o_O! Do I know you? I don't know any talking hawks.
Talking HAWK: Well, ya do now! (flutters into his arms)
Sam: ...Are you a Mary Sue?
Talking HAWK: NO... (thinks a minute, then shrugs) Ah, who cares? This isn't even really a fic. (pause) Whatever it is, it'll end in about two seconds.
Sam: So there isn't any potential possibility of a, say, ripple effect?
Talking HAWK: Precisely.
Sam: In THAT case... (gives her a smooch, then drops her and runs off into the sunset) BwahahaHA!
Talking HAWK: (BLINKS, and pauses for a moment) Cooooommeee baaaaaaack!!!!!!!! (waddles off into the sunset after him)