I need to tell you guys that I talk about me, myself, and me me me me excessively, and everything related to me as well. Everything is about me. ME. So this entire page is reserved for me. ME. ME ME ME. Muahahaha and you thought I was going to have something interesting here. Nope. It's just me, talking about myself. Which sounds really psychotic, but let's ignore that for a bit.

WARNING: Extreme paranoia

DISCLAIMER:

I am not responsible for loss of sanity, tearing out of hair (if you are bald, this does not apply, unless you're going to tear out hair from any other body parts that isn't your scalp) bleeding from any orifice, suffocating, choking, tumours OR any other symptom that may or may not cause you paralysis OR loss of limbs OR loss of functionality of limbs OR brain, OR any other symptom that may or may not cause you to be admitted into a mental hospital OR to seek treatment of any kind.

I do not own anything or make any money from any of my fanfiction - all of them belong to their respective authors/artists, etc, etc.

Just in case, you know, some asshole decided to sue me or something, for the fun of it. Unlikely, given how the site name includes the word "fanfiction", but paranoia, you see, doesn't make sense.

(Annnd... side note: I AM PARANOID. In case you haven't picked it up. So I'll spell it for you: P-A-R-A-N-O-I-D.)

I am perfectly sane. Thank you. That said, you never know if you're normal, or so whacked that you can't detect it.

Also, please note that my brain is screwed big time (regardless of mental illnesses, which are completely unrelated to screwed brains) so I might not make any sense to you. If that happens, kindly press the back button located at the top left corner of your browser, and come back only when you decide I'll suddenly make sense. (Heyy... that stuff happens. Sometimes.) Or, alternatively, you could shut down your computer and wipe your hide drive to boot. Control f4 works too.

Skip right down there where the stories are if you're not willing to listen to me drabble on. (Or there's this button at the top there, you know, the one that says 'hide bio' or something?)

Me:

Can be found laughing:

1) In a room where no one else is laughing.

2) At something nobody thinks is funny.

3) At nothing.

I am:

...awesomely Pro-Choice. On abortion, homosexuality, and everything else.

- I am female, unable to drive cars due to inane age restrictions, and interested in hate mail because I like replying to them. A lot. I absolutely love getting hate mail. Or mail of any kind, really, because I like to think that people like me. Not sure if I have some kind of complex. Or insecurities... Definitely insecurities.

The fact that a believer is happier than a sceptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.

George Bernard Shaw

If you pray to god for something and it doesn't happen, then you say "oh he doesn't want it too happen" If you pray to god and it happens in about a week then you say "oh he wanted me to wait first" If you pray to god and it does happen then you say "oh he wanted this too happen" Which would ultimately happen if you prayed to a milk jug.

At whywontgodhealamputtes.com

HERE! Blah.

HERE! My blog. Interested in reading about crap? Click the link.

HERE! My Facebook. Accepts all friend requests. Because I'm awesome and unaware of the fact that there are stalkers. No shit.

HERE! My Twitter. Basically, this is where you can boost my ego by clicking on the 'follow' button.

...this... Basically a compilation of links.

My School Life:

Look, I know it's practically non-existent, but yes, I have one.

Attempting to learn Japanese and Korean, is learning German, already knows Chinese and English. Is afraid of Bio and Chem, but not Physics. Also likes Maths but still thinks that it is a pain.

My subject combination is now English literature, Physics, and German - that's excluding the compulsory subjects like Maths, English, Chinese, and a whole lot of other useless things.

tl;dr: I have school and I don't like it.

Annoyance 1:

I have a short attention span. Which kind of means that I watch about (on average) two minutes of Youtube video and then click on the next one, Google things at an average speed of five things per second, and rush through Facebook with about one click every five seconds.

This doesn't mean that they (aforementioned sites) can make me type a million plus a trillion captchas. I'm using their site, I'm helping them gain fame and fortune... and they make me type captchas. Thank god I can read all of the captchas, or else I would be spending all day trying to type the CORRECT FUCKING CAPTCHA so that I can proceed with my life.

Seriously. Where are all those geniuses (genii, whatever)? Invent something clever, so that this poor student doesn't have to suffer through any more idiotic captchas (because she's not a genius). Ruins my mood, really, the annoying boxes. I type like ten of them per day. AT LEAST.

tl;dr: I HATE CAPTCHAS AND I TALK TOO MUCH.

Annoyance 2:

Why is the underlining here so screwed? I'm OCD about underlines and italics and bold and font sizes and font colours and everything else! *Whines* Do you know how horrible it is for someone to have to go through piles of html just to forcibly underline ONE stupid word? I could always leave it not underlined, but that just doesn't have the same impact, and besides, it won't look as nice.

It's been screwed since last year, and I am honestly not kidding.

...Just glad that they gave us the option to edit html... Or did they know this would happen? Did they make inconsistent underlining a conspiracy? *Le gasp* Conspiracy!!!

tl;dr: I HATE HTML BUT I SUFFER THROUGH IT BECAUSE I'M SLIGHTLY OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE.

Other Annoyances:

People! Go back to grammar school before I lose control and flame. I am a nice person. I don't my temper. See? I am a nice person. But. No more 'your' and 'you're' mix-ups. Please. Before I do something drastic.

And no more 'I suck at summaries hahaha but this is awesome actually so if you'd just bother clicking and reading doubtlessly you'll find an amazing piece of literature behind this disgusting ... something'. Dammit I can tell from your summaries that you suck. That your story sucks. This has a probability of 99.9% of happening, so if your summaries suck but your stories don't... you have a weird way of functioning.

And you need BETAS. Please. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. I've read 70k word count fics that are spoiled by 'definitely' becoming 'defiantly', because first you're under the misconception that it's spelled 'definately' and second, you don't notice your typo. I know you mean 'definitely' when you type 'defiantly' because your fanfiction is just so amazingly good that it can't be possible otherwise. But you need a beta. I mean it.

...Yeah. You're right, I have an astonishingly low opinion of those who lack perfectionism. Yes, I tend to respond to things like this, by preempting responses. Yes, this may be because of my obsession with Death Note and Code Geass. Yes, I am still an approachable person despite being too sarcastic for anyone's good.

tl;dr: IGNORE ME, I SUCK. I'm going through a phase called self-loathing.

OTHER:

How You Know You’re Addicted to Yaoi/Slash:

1. You start mentally pairing up random guys on the street.
2. You wish you had gay friends just so you could perve on them kissing their boyfriends.
3. You don’t remember the last time you read a heterosexual fanfiction.
4. You have developed a sexual fetish for handcuffs, leather and BDSM.
5. If you are a heterosexual girl, you keep trying to seme your boyfriend, despite the fact that you don’t have the necessary parts.
6. You suddenly become interested in gay rights, thinking this will increase your opportunities for voyeristic activities.
7. You try to get your friends into it, simply so you can talk to them about it without them getting that bored look on their face.
8. You keep lying about the number of hours you spend each day on the computer reading slash fanfiction, watching yaoi anime etc.
9. The most exciting moment of your life so far was when you discovered hentai manga.
10. You celebrate turning 18 not because you can watch R movies, but because you’re old enough to watch movies with explicit gay sex scenes. (And go to YAOI-CON)
11. It’s the only aphrodisiac you need.
12. When your boyfriend tells you he’s gay and has been dating another man, you immediately ask if you can join in.
13. Your gay son wishes he had a normal, homophobic mother who didn’t ask him questions about his latest sexual exploits.

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole."

Ways to annoy people in an elevator:

1) Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
2) Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
3) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
4) Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
5) Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
6) Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.
7) Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball.
8) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
9) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
10) Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
11) Hum the theme to Jeopardy.
12) Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
13) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
14) Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
15) Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
16) Stare at another passenger for a while, then scream “You’re one of THEM!” and cower to the far corner of the elevator.
17) When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming "let me out!"
18) When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
19) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
20) When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay! Don’t panic, they’ll open again.”

(I'm not American, but this makes too much sense for me to not put it here.)

1) Gay marriage is not natural, and as Americans, we always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and lyposuction.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...

Have PRIDE! Support Gay Marriage!

.eliforp ruoy otni etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you like the rain copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think homophobia is wrong and get into fights about it, copy this to your profile.

If you search yaoi on ebay just to see if you can find a t-shirt with your fav pairing on it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you just thought, "That's a great idea!" and did it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would wear a button that says "Fuck off, I'm reading Yaoi" with pride, copy and paste this to your profile.

The Jung Type Death Note Test:
Stats: Approximately 4% of population.
DN characters with this type: L.
In a nutshell: "A love of problem-solving."
Desciption: Logical, original, creative thinkers. Can become very excited about theories and ideas. Exceptionally capable and driven to turn theories into clear understandings. Highly value knowledge, competence and logic. Quiet and reserved, hard to get to know well. Individualistic, having no interest in leading or following others.

(After seeing a random photo of Shou from Alice Nine, I have been forced to add him to my list of favourite people, along with Choucho (nico nico singer) and Minwoo (Boyfriend) Phoebz (mai waifu) and Taemi n(SHINee) and UVERworld (my GOD, oh, Takuya) and you and YUI. Don't feel offended if I listed you second last - I put the names in alphabetical order because I'm sometimes OCD like that. And I don't type it CDO just cause it's in alphabetical order, I type it OCD because that's the correct form, and goddammit, I'm OCD about the correct typing of OCD.)

Upcoming: (but don't get your hopes up because I'm a lazy asshole)

Ward Eleven
Code Geass
Rated: M
AU Set in a mental hospital. One-sided SchneizelxLelouch and RoloxLelouch and KallenxLelouch. Eventual SuzakuxLelouch. A very long one-shot.
(Planned for eleven thou words? Hoho. Angst, blah, blah blah.)

Unforgettable. / Regret.
Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler
Rated M:
Ciel by day and Ciella by night, he works in Madame Red's brothel. AU Sebastian/Ciel. Chaptered fic. Set in canon time period.
(Two thou words currently, still working on it... T_T Inspiration is not coming for this one ._. I can't help it, my muse is a stupid whore.)

Midnight Circus
D. Gray-Man
Rated: M
We cater to all needs. AU modern era. Various pairings.
(This is like five thou words, but needs serious editing. I suspect I was delirious when I wrote it. Honestly, what was I doing?)

Exhibit A
Death Note
Rated: M
NPA officer Light Yagami meets a stubborn obsession in the form of a museum exhibit. AU LightxL
(This is like two thousand - it's more, actually, since I tend to severely underestimate everything all the time - plus words. And is supposed to be crack-ish, but the current chapter is not obeying. The current chapter is being extremely boring - until the last few hundred words, in which something unexpected happens, but it's a pain to have to read through a thousand words to get to the nice part.)

[Untitled as of yet]
Death Note
Rated: M
Mello is rescued from the darkness only to fall back into it. Anything is possible, if it's for Matt. AU MattxMello
(Two thousand plus words. Basically Mello is the illegitimate son of this crime lord, and he's been locked away and experimented on and abused. Along comes Matt, who's a secret agent who has stolen some important info from aforementioned crime lord. And of course, Mello goes through withdrawal while Matt nurses a gunshot wound. It's supposed to be tragic, really, but I suspect I'm ruining the tone now.)

I realise that everything is rated M. Probably because I really like writing hardcore yaoi. With kinks. I don't really know, I just always end up writing some gay sex. During which important plot development happens. You could say that gay sex is what motivates my plot... wait, no, that's really wrong. What am I even doing? Please tell me that I will be accepted into society... That I'll eventually get a job and not just spend my meaningless little life writing yaoi, which is what I'm currently doing and oh god I feel pathetic.

Yep, I get epiphanies when I ramble on and on. And on. And on. And - okay I'll stop now.

Note: I can't seem to keep writing just one story. I usually go on a spree, write a few thousand words for this, then go completely blank and abandon it for a while. Which is to say, kind of, that you shouldn't expect any updates on time, if I update at all... I might forget. I will most probably forget. But don't worry, everything's written down (because I have classes, and I'm not allowed to type stuff in class, so I can only write it down and pretend I'm taking notes... it works. Even in maths. As long as I get good grades, because grades are exceptionally important here.).

Another thing is that I'm never satisfied with my work. Perfectionist, you see. Which ends up translating as - never expect stuff from me. I can tell people that I have the chapter written out, and then spend days agonizing over whether a certain part reveals too much, or whether another part fits the mood. It's a bad thing, actually. I keep procrastinating.

Another Note: I don't care if you flame me in a review or a PM, and I won't ask you to direct embarrassing things about my story to the PM function instead of putting it in a review for everyone to see - it's my mistake and godammit, I am not that sensitive.

Wait, no, one last thing: I do care about what you think, actually, despite sounding like an arrogant asshole who does whatever the shit she wants... uh... So review. And PM. I'm usually nice. I think.

FINAL WHATEVER:

I am planning updates. They shall be available when my [homework pile] has [disappeared], which should be in [ten years] or something.

Dude, there're so many freaking asians online, you'd think that Cracked.com has to have someone who knows Chinese, but no, the pissy bitches there can't even do proper hanyu pinyin... They're still funny, of course, but it kinda disappoints people when they don't bother to find one asian friend to do a little translation (I bet they have asian friends stashed away somewhere) and duuude, I can teach you worse insults in Chinese, that article was so fail it hurt. End rant now, potential ten-page rant composing itself in my mind - end, now.

Taken off my chaptered fics because I wasn't happy with the quality.

...and I see that my OCD-ness is prevalent in my entire profile.

Self-love is good. Self-love is always good.

ATTENTION: links are not working - flavors.me/raspberrih

underlining not working unless I go into html and enforce it, but fuck if I will because I hate html like fuck fuck fuck

also linebreaks do not work, so fuck life, once again, because I really needed the linebreaks