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| NinjaTurtlesRule |
I don't know what to say bout myself so i'm just going to put random stuff i found around fanfiction .net that i found funny =D 92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch and American Eagle said it was uncool to breathe anymore. Copy and paste this in your profile if you'd be part of the 8 percent laughing your head off. 15 Things to do when your in Walmart! 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go" 98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate girly-girls or people who think that they are everything, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile If you think that it's not fair that the guys in manga and anime are almost always better than the guys in the real world, copy and paste this in your profile! 98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile 1. Your real name: jaye 2. Your Nobody name (Take all the letters of your first name, mix them around and put an "x" where you think it should go): jaxey 3. Your Gangsta name (the first three letters of your name plus "izzle"): jayizlle 4. Your Detective name (fav. color and fav. animal): red fox 5. Your Soap Opra name (your middle name and the street you live on): vivienne burmarrad 6. Your Star Wars name (first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first): staja 7. Your Super Hero name (2nd fav color, fav drink): Purple Dr. Pepper 8. Your Witness Protection name (middle names of your parents): anne james 9. Your Goth Name (Black plus the name of one of your pets):black tabby If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried. Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on. Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday. Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. A wise man once said, "Ask a girl." When in doubt, push random buttons! Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter. You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people... Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking. You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it. He who laughs last thinks slowest. An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss. There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots. I'm not as dumb as you look. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. Sarcasm is one more service we offer. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Some people are like Slinky's. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to. Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. Silence is golden but duct tape is silver. It's ok to argue with two characters on your shoulders. Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness. Anything thrown hard enough should hurt. Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought him back, but stupidity killed him again. Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?" All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege. When I was born, I was so shocked that I didn't talk for a year and a half. Where there's a will...I want to be in it. Do not disturb, I'm disturbed already. The trouble with life, is there's no background music. A clean house is a sign of a broken computer! Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I may not follow, do not walk beside me either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. For people who like peace and quiet: Get me a CORDLESS PHONE! I don't get even, I get odder. If being an idiot hurt, then you would be in constant pain. If I were any lazier, I would slip into a coma! If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then throw it back at life and steal the oranges you asked for! If life gives you lemons...throw them at someone. If life gives you lemons, make beef stew. When life gives you lemons, say "What else have you got?" you might get something else In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place. I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly. Light travels faster than sound. That is why...some people seem bright until you hear them speak. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says "So far so good!" If Fed ex and UPS merge, they would be called Fed UP. I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile Friends FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS:You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter Love vs. Sex A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit She ended up staying longer than As she walked along under the tall elm When she reached the alley, which was a However, halfway down the alley she She became uneasy and began to pray, Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness When she reached the end of the alley, The following day, she read in the Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and Thanking the Lord for her safety and to She felt she could recognize the man, so The police asked her if she would be She agreed and immediately pointed out When the man was told he had been The officer thanked Diane for her bravery She asked if they would ask the man one Diane was curious as to why he had not When the policeman asked him, he Amazingly, whether you believe or not, Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly Racisim A black man and white man were both in a store one day. "Colored people should not be allowed here," the white man said to the black man. The black man turneed to him with raised eyebrows. "Listen sir," he finally said, "when I was born I was BLACK, when I grew up I was BLACK, when I'm sick I'm BLACK, when I go in the sun I'm BLACK, when I'm cold I'm BLACK, when I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grew up you were WHITE, when you're sick GREEN, when you go in the sun you turn RED, when you're cold you're BLUE and when you die you'll be PURPLE. You have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man turned back around, and the very flustered white man walked away...Post this on your profile if you hate racisim Qoutes!! ~ Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. ~ Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. ~ Never mess with a guy wearing make-up. They mean business. ~ It’s a control freak thing. I wouldn’t let you understand. ~I have PMS and a gun. EXCUSE ME. You were saying? ~I can go from chick to BITCH in 3.5 seconds! ~It's been lovely, but I have to SCREAM now. ~Warning: Trespassers will be shot ~You say you dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me. ~My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems. ~You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you are all the same ~Heaven kicked me out. Hell was afraid I'll take over. 10 COMMANDMENTS OF A TEENAGER 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. 2) Thou shall not do drugs. 9) Thou shall not think about having sex. I'll stαч up tιll TШILIGHT 10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. 8) Thou shall not strip in class. 7) Thou shall not skip class. 6) Thou shall not get into fights. 5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. 4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. 3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like slinkeys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust? One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me? If two wrongs don't make a right...try three. Don't knock on death's door, ring the doorbell and run- he hates that! My knight in shining turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice? When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. Education is important; school however, is another matter. I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it. Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. i speak fluent sarcasm. are yhu stoned I don't obsess, I think intensely! I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! "Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda." I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned. "The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf." "Nothing worse than getting your pigtails shot off..." "Nobody move! I dropped my brain." "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice? When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. Education is important; school however, is another matter. I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it. Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either. Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed. High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face. People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House. I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. I do not deny everything! Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage. Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls. Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed. High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face. People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House. I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. I do not deny everything! Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage. Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls. Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over... Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? The road to success is always under construction. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me. I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide. Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Don't take life to serously, no one gets out alive anyway Life's tough...Get a helmet I can be Mrs. Cullen, you can be Mrs. Black you can die and I can live forever! I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now! SHUT UP VOICES!! or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again... If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own Opinion, It Just That Your's Is Stupid Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet! My VAMPIRE can beat up your WEREWOLF!! What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for." "Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you." "If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words." Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way. Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum? People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was. Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Something else that i laughed at :D Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Frito's! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future? If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable? Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas? Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number? Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey? Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! (OMC! Carlisle!) Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it all. And then some you don't want. -Daughtry Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in hell would you keep looking for it if you already found it. When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way. Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it. I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse. Dance like no one's watching. Sing like no one's listening. Sometimes you've got to smile and walk away... Hold your tears in and pretend like you're okay. Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can! Don't yawn in the shower. You might drown. -Bill Cosby Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. Therapist = The/rapist (scary thought -shudder-) Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it... I used to care, but I take a pill for that now. I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo I can resist anything but temptation. They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. One day we're going to look back at this, laugh nervously, then change the subject. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice? When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide. Funny !! I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. 24 Things I owe to my Mother 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 3. My mother taught me LOGIC. 4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 6. My mother taught IRONY. 7. My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS. 8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 9. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 10. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 14. My mother taught me about ENVY. 15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 17. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE. 18. My mother taught me about ESP. 19. My mother taught me HUMOR. 20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 21. My mother taught me GENETICS. 22. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS. 23. My mother taught me WISDOM. 24. My mother taught me JUSTICE. This is a true story: Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrusted the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad (add this to your profile if your against child abuse) Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile. Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school He told his friends that it was cool And remembered what you said. I felt proud of myself, I made a healthy choice, I got into my car, Now I'm lying on the pavement, My own blood's all around me, I'm sure the guy had no idea, So why do people do it, Mum Someone should have taught him, My breath is getting shorter, Mum I wish that you could hold me Mum (Copy and Paste this if you hate drinking and driving) Female Comebacks Man: Have I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes thats why I don't go there anymore Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine. Man: Hey baby, whats your sign? Woman: Do not enter Man: I would go to the end of the world for you Woman: But would you stay there? All the good ones are either gay, married, taken, or anime characters. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. If you can't convince them, confuse them. Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Trust your instincts and listen to your friends, because they may be right when you don't want them to be. If all else fails, try reading the instructions. Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive. When life gives you lemons make orange juice and stand back and watch as the world wonders how you did it. If someone asks me "Why?" I say, "Why not." When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it takes only 4 muscles to punch them. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?” War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. Growing older is manditory. Growing up is Optional. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... Is he still wrong? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Notice: To all those who think Homophobia is wrong and want to fight for a better future for our gay and lesbian friends, please repost this into your profile: I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male. Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it. Month one Month Two Month Three Month Four Month Five Month Six Month Seven Every Abortion Is Just . . . If you're against abortion, re-post this Notice: To all those who think Homophobia is wrong and want to fight for a better future for our gay and lesbian and Bi friends, please repost this into your profile: This is the boy, Matthew Shepard. On October 7, 1998 Aaron McKinney and I.. Like black. Hate pink. Don't beleive in preemo's. (Prep+Emo=Preemo) Love playing Bioshock 1 and 2 for entertainment and stress releif. (Yup. Killin' splicers is now a habit -_-) Hate all cheerleaders. (Their short skirts make me want to barf, sorry if your a cheer leader -_-") Like wearing rings. Would die with out my music. Don't trust easily. Fall in love too easy and then try to distance my self from most others to protect myself. (My friends don't let me have my emo time -_- Apparently'I'm not allowed to be depressed') Would kill a real, living person if it wasn't illegal, only if they did something to me first. Hate people. (Crowds, dances, partys, anything social I hate going to. I do kinda like people, but it depends on the person. Mosto f the time I feel uncomfortable around people, expecialy people I don't know. I'm normally only comfortable around my friends and family.) Would rather drop dead then wear a skirt/dress in front of any one freom my school. Hate most of the population of my school except for my friends, a couple teachers, and a very select few others Love watching anime on YouTube, and reading Fanfiction - lunakatrina's "So Sue Me": Harry slouched down in his seat and continued to stare at the stuttering man who was apparently supposed to teach something… Harry found that premise to be highly comical. “I-I am-m-m Pro,” he paused to clear his throat, “Profes-ss-s-fess-or-or K-S-Qu-S-K-Quirrel.” “Wow,” Harry muttered, not believing anyone would have such a sucky last name. “That really sucks, in fact, that last name sucks so hard I can’t even make fun of it.” Hermione turned to glare at him. “That was sincere,” Harry informed her dryly. “I mean, what kind of last name is that? God must hate his family.” The teacher began to stutter his way through the roll, and Harry decided that despite the fact the man had a sucky last name and a speech impediment; he had to find some way to get the good professor back for taking so long to get through a list of students. He then decided the best way to do that would be to give himself a really, really long name and make the man suffer through pronouncing it and remembering it correctly… “Har-arry Wi-wiz-ard.” “No,” Harry proclaimed, “I demand to be called by my full name!” He stood up on his chair and continued, “I am Harry ‘the fantastic and majestic warrior of the northern highlands surrounding the fantastic structure normally known as the school of Hogwarts...descendant of Merlin, and leader and savior of the idiots that somehow managed to gain control of my life’ Wizard...the ninth!” Absolute silence. “The hell…?” Golden Sheen muttered loudly, breaking the beautiful silence that Harry had created and reveled in for the moment it was alive. "Who was the eighth?" Boot asked, his eyebrows raised, but he was grinning at Harry’s antics. Harry gave him an odd look, as if it was perfectly obvious. "I'm just so great that I count for all incarnations. I've had nine lives so far. Who wants me to try for ten? I bet Hermione does, for as my self-proclaimed friend, which should honestly tell all of us something about her mental state, she wants me to succeed! Right, Hermione ‘the friend of “Harry ‘the fantastic and majestic warrior of the northern highlands surrounding the extraordinary structure normally known as the school of Hogwarts...descendant of Merlin, and leader and savior of the idiots that somehow managed to gain control of my life’ Wizard...the ninth” Gramper… or whatever your last name was." She glared, and Harry smiled broadly back at her. “Just out of curiosity,” Hermione demanded, “how do you know you’re a descendant of Merlin?” “Please,” Harry said, rolling his eyes, “with all this interbreeding, who really knows? For all we know, I could be one of the four founders’ cousins.” Harry nodded to all his classmates, and then a thought hit him. “Which is why…” He smirked and looked around, very pleased, at his classmates. “I should have my own cult!” (\)_(/) favorite quotes 1. "Sisters are like slinkies, completely useless, yet it's so amusing to push them down stairs."--Unknown 2. You! Off my planet! 3. "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."--Unknown 4. How do I set my laser printer to stun? 5. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? 6. Warning: Dates on calender are closer than they appear 7. Just because your paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. 8. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives (or electricity). 9. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. - Samuel Levenson 10. The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. 11. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde 12. With friends like these, I hope my enemies have a spare bedroom. 13. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 14. I like work. It fascinates me. I could sit and stare at it forever. 15. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. 16. It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them? 17. Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Warning: Survivors will be shot again. 18. That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again. 19. This is not something to be tossed away lightly. It should be thrown, with great force. 20. When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them on the head. 21. I'm a nobody. Nobody's perfect. Therefore, that makes me perfect. 22. I get plenty of exercise: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines. 23. EXCUSE ME!! I have PMS and a gun...You were saying? 24. Like Daddy always said: If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit! 25. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 26. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. 27. Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it. 28. Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning 'to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet'. - Robin Williams 29. Keep smiling. It makes people wonder what you're up to. - Fuji Shusuke, Prince of Tennis 30. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on my last one. 31. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory. 32. When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in the eyes of your enemies. 33. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then, sit back and watch the whole world wonder how the hell you DID that. 34. I don't fight with idiots; they bring me to their level then beat me with experience. 35. What!! Is it so wrong to be attracted to the guys who want to destroy mankind?! 36. Knowledge is power, power corrupts, study hard, be evil. 37. I'm just here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm out of bubble gum. - Seto Kaiba 38. Everyone has the right to be stupid. Some people just abuse the privilege. 39. When life gives you lemons, read them and drool. 40. I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal. 41. There's a fine line between genius and insanity, I think you crossed the line a few miles back. 42. Roses are red, violets are black, please go to hell, and never come back. 43. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall out of a window...I laugh. 44. You STFU and I kick your ass. It's the law of equivalent exchange...bitch. 45. I'd explain it to you, but you're brains would explode. 46. I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 47. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. 48. My reality check bounced. 49. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill. 50. Heaven won't take me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over. - is it just me, or can I see this coming from/happening to Hiruma(ES21)? 51. The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. 52. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match it for me at kick boxing. 53. I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. 54. "One should never come between a Saiyajin and food. You'll accomplish nothing, and the Saiyajin might become homicidal." - Shin, DBZ 55. "I don't date vampires, I kill them." Anita Blake - Guilty Pleasures 56. "Can I still be the scourge of vampire kind while I'm sleeping with the head bloodsucker? You bet." Anita Blake - the Killing Dance 57. "There is nothing like ruining the calm of a hundred-year-old vampire to boost a girl's morale." Anita Blake 58. "Murphy's law is the only true dependable thing in my life most of the time." Anita Blake 59. "No one was shooting at me yet. I was encouraged by that." - Anita Blake 60. "Paranoia is just another word for longevity." - Anita Blake 61. Anita: "Jesus, are all vampires over two hundred perverts?" Jean-Claude: "I am over two hundred." Anita: "I rest my case." 62. "We might shoot each other one fine day, but we'd never sleep together. He was more interested in the fresh burn than my breasts." Anita on Edward 63. "Most women complain that there are no single straight men left. I'd just like to meet one that's human." Anita - Circus of the Damned 64. "Never take your eyes off the vampire in front of you to glance at the werewolf behind you. One problem at a time." Anita Blake 65. "The vampires call me the Executioner, but they call Edward Death. After all, I'd never used a flamethrower on them." Anita Blake 66. "You don't volunteer to slugfests with vampires. It shortens your life expectancy." Anita Blake 67. Anita: "You irritating son of a bitch." Jean-Claude: "Ah, ma petite, how can I resist you when you whisper such sweet endearments to me?" 68. "I never forgave anyone for anything. A character flaw to be sure, but hell, everyone's got to have one." 69. "Killing I understand. Relationships confuse me." 70. "I'm your bodyguard. If you die under my protection the other bodyguards will make fun of me." Edward to Anita 71. Simon: "I hope that monster guts you, bitch." Anita: "Thats Ms. Bitch to you." 72. "Once you get me angry I usually stay there. I enjoy my anger, it's the only hobby I have." 73. Gabrielle: "I'm looking for my best friend. Maybe you've seen her? Six feet tall, dark hair, lots of leather, fights like the Harpies in a bad mood? Her name's Xena." 74. Either find a way or make one. 75. The most dangerous enemy is that which no one fears. - Angels & Demons 76. Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out. - Michael Burke 77. The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance. - Socrates 78. Executing a plan takes one part patience, one part strategy, and two parts dumb luck. - Unknown 79. Now don't you stand for that! If somebody tries to kill you, you try and kill 'em right back! - Firefly 80. Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? - Abraham Lincoln 81. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something - Unknown 82. This is the crack team that foils my every plot?! I am deeply ashamed. - Spike, BtVS 83. When someone tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football...or slam a revolving door. - Anonymous 84. Normal is just a setting on your dryer. 85. Don't laugh in the face of death. It won't appreciate my sense of humor. 86. Words can't hurt you unless the person saying them writes them on an anvil and drops it on your head. 87. Good girls always fall for the bad boys - even if they don't admit it. 88. "Your halo's falling down." - fanfic unknown, Uzumaki Naruto to Hyuuga Neiji 89. To think I'm going to die because I flirt with women. - Miroku, IY 90. Three things can not be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. - Buddha 91. He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. 92. Whoever said sunshine brings happiness never danced in the pouring rain. 93. Books are always better than real, live boyfriends any day of the week. They don't talk back and they're always there for you. You can have as many of them as you want and they won't complain. 94. You may have created my past, and screwed up my present, but you have no control over my future. - David Klass 95. If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, bribe them. If you can't bribe them, blackmail them. - Unknown(but would Hiruma say it?) 96. "Oh, look. A mini-Itachi." - Whisper about Sasuke, Foxchild 97. Rule #9: When faced with the unknown, go with your instincts. Xander: "You don't know how to kill this thing?" Buffy: "I thought I might try violence." Xander: "Solid call." 98. It's impossible to make any plan foolproof because fools are so ingenious. - one of Murphy's many laws. 99. Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk. - Andy Gibbs 100. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver - and a lot more accessible. 101. I'm out of bed and dressed! What more do you want? 102. I'm out of my mind. Please leave a message. 103. People say I've lost my mind. I haven't - I saved it on a back-up disk!...Somewhere. 104. I've been given sugar! Use this time to prepare for the end of the world! 105. Welcome Strangers, you must be cold//Stay a while, the day grows old//Be not afraid, no dangers near//Just recall, we're all mad here. 106. Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private. 107. My doctor says I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. - Douglas Adams 108. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long someone stands there picking locks, they are always locking three. - Elayne Boosler 109. The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary. 110. "You smell of other people's blood, ma petite." I smiled at him, sweetly. "It was no one you knew." Anita Blake. 111. Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was there would be a hell of a population drop. - Anita Blake 112. I wanted to wipe the grin off his face with a fist. I resisted the urge. Who says I have no self-control? - Anita Blake 113. Curiosity killed the cat. Here's to hoping it didn't do the same for animators. - Anita Blake 187. "If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them." 188. "God gave them a penis and a brain but not enough blood to use both at the same time..." 189. "Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals." 190. "Who cannot understand your silence, cannot understand your words." 211. I put everything together in a pan and started to actually cook the meat, "Can you throw one of those advertisements on my dresser when you get the chance?" "Sure, why not," I heard her get up again and walk down the hall. She returned a minute later a started to set table, "When'll the food be ready?" "In a half hour relax." "Well, I'm hungry." "What do you want me to do? Serve the meat rare?" "Would it kill you?" "It's not me I'm worried about." "So what? You're saying if you ate the meat rare it wouldn't affect you either way, but if I ate it, I'd probably get sick?" "Perceptive aren't you?" "Wise ass." "Why, thank you." "Do you enjoy torturing me?" "If I said yes would you be mad?" "Yes." "No." "Are you lying to me?" "Yes." "Augh! You are the most infuriating man I have ever met!" "Thank you. I take pride in my work." "I don't like you right now." "Never said you had to like me." "You know I can throw you out of this house anytime I want?" "Yes." "So why do you torture me?" "Because if you threw me out of the house you would need to find another housemate." "Good point." "Plus, I doubt you'd find another housemate as good looking as me." "(Sigh) Just when you think he wouldn't say anything..." "Do you disagree with my comment?" "No." "Then what in seven hells is your problem?" "The fact that you're usually always right." "You act like I should care." "You should." "I don't." "Fuck you." "Maybe later." - Ranma & Sasha, from Misunderstanding Scars, R1/2 213. Mental anxiety, mental breakdown, menstrual cramps, menopause, did you realize how all our problems begin with MEN! How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity: 1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with your sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at cars. See if they slow down. 3. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 4. Put a trashcan on your desk and label it 'IN.' 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks, and when everyone is over his/her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso. 6. Finish all your sentences with,"...in accordance with the prophecy." 7. Don't use punctuation. 8. As often as possible, skip instead of walk. 9. Ask people what sex they are, and then laugh hysterically when they answer. 10. Specify your drive-thru order as 'to go.' 11. Sing along at the opera. 12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 13. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. 14. Five days in advance, tell your friend you can't come to their party because you don't feel like it. 15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream," I WON! I WON! I WON! Third time this week!!" 16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling,” Run for your lives! They're loose!" If you think that Harry/Hermione shippers are delusional (especially if they have read books 4-7, and still believe in that pairing), copy this into your profile. You say Twilight In Remembrance: This one is to funny! 40 Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts. 1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms 2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one. 3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. 4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office. 5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class 6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss 7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda 8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar 9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy 10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month" 11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals 12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches 13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball 14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!" 15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm. 16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor 17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental 18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak 19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends" 20) I will ont dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want. 21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. 22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!" 23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions. 24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom 25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate. 26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway. 27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls. 28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice. 29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" 30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs. 31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife 32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant. 34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoyin a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur. 34) It is a mad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously 35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell. 36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort. 37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy. 38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy. 39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera. 40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time". WAITER! There appears to be a drought in my glass... -Unknown- Every time I go to the doctors I get a jacket, a strait one. It makes me feel special because I get to hug myself! -Quiz- I want to die sleeping peacefully, - like my grandma; not screaming with horror, - like those, who were as passangers in her car... -Unknown- The Soviet propaganda ministry ordered 10 million condoms from an American manufacturer, all 16" long and 3" in diameter. The American manufacturer filled the order, sending the merchandise in boxes marked 'medium'. -Unknown- Sure, your guilt might force you to vote Democrat, but secretly deep down inside you long for the Republicans to lower your taxes, ignore the poor, brutalize prisoners, dictate what goes on in your bedrooms and rule you with an iron fist. -Sideshow Bob- A friend is someone who will help you move; A good friend is someone who will help you move a body. -Unknown- I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it. -Unknown- If at first you don't succeed, well, so much for skydiving. -Victor O'Reilly- Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. -Kin Hubbard- If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -Art Hoppe- You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you. -Unknown- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. -Unknown- A Bus Station is where buses stop. A Train Station is where trains stop. On my desk, there is a Work Station. -Jojn- The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist. -Aaron Machado- Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. -Unknown- Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? -Jules Feiffer- Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes. -Unknown- I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe. -Jack Handy- If you don't pray in my school, I won't think in your church. -Unknown- Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried. -Mae West- I wasn't kidding. I do have a test today. It's on European Socialism. What's the big deal? I'm not European. I don't plan on becoming European. So why should I care if they're socialists? They could be facist, anarchist pigs. It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't have a car. -Ferris Bueller- For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. -Unknown- After the meek inherit the earth, I think we should just kick their butts and take it from them. -Jim Rosenburg- As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so. -Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan, attorney- Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. -Unknown- PRESENTED IN: DOUBLE VISION! (Only where drunk) -Futurama- Insanity is not a disease. It's a life choice. -Me- Do the world a favor and drink a bullet... -Bit on Comedy Central- I can't tell what I like better... School or prison... Ah... But I repeat myself... -Me- I love to sleep. It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconsious. -Unknown- One day, two polititions walked into a building... Wouldn't you think that at LEAST one of them would have seen it? -Me- Accept that some days you're the pidgeon, and some days you're the statue... -Unknown- I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. -Unknown- You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. -Unknown- Someday... we'll look back on all of this and plow into a parked car... -Me- There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable aplication of high explosives. -Unknown- Drive Defensively. Buy a tank. -Unknown- Don't hate yourself in the morning... Sleep till noon! -Unknown- Good news is just lifes way of throwing you off balance. -Me- God didn't create the world in seven says... He messed around for six days and pulled an all-nighter. -Unknown- People should be required to get a governemnt tested permit before being allowed to reproduce. -Me- Smoke dynamite... It'll really blow your mind. -Unknown- The three words women hate to hear when having sex: "Honey. I'm home!" -Unknown- History is like God... Made up and useless... -Me- Some days you're the bug and some days you're the windshield... -Unknown- My death will not be the end of anything. It will be the beginning of something great... Like the take over and re-surfacing of hell... -Me- When in doubt, say 'whee'... -Me- This is not a suitable replacement for human interaction... -Futurama- That's like working with portapotties, you know you're just gonna catch crap all day. -Bill Engvall- That's a rare thing in the world... That's like finding Jesus and he's pissin' in the bushes. -Branden Hart- Even if the voices aren't real, they have some really good ideas. -Pin- That duck looks dead... Oh wait, that's a rock. -Unknown- Random Person After I Poked Them: "Why must you!!" Me: "Because I have a disease." Them: "Oh dear! I'm sorry.. what do you have?" Me:"Boredouttamymind-itis..." I'm about to fall into a semi-comatic hallucinatory state of mind, of which I will be residing in for an indeterminable amount of time... this is also known as sleep. -Kupo Ikari- If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile. If you don’t believe in stereotypes, copy this into your profile. "REMEMBER WHEN" REMEMBER WHEN .. Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now 95 percent of all teens would go into a panic if the Jonas brothers were on a 100 foot building about to jump. I am one of the 5 percent who brought popcorn and invited friends while yelling "JUMP BITCH JUMP!! !! You say Twilight I say Harry Potter If you think Harry Potter can do MUCH BETTER than Ginny, copy and paste this to your profile. If you think Harry Potter is BETTER than Twilight (even though I don't mind it...) Copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever ran into a door, copy this to your profile. If you have had converstations with yourself, copy this to your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, copy this to your profile. If you're fricken crazy and proud of it, copy this onto your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile. If you are insane, copy and paste this into your profile. If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you hate back stabbers, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have fell down the stairs, copy this to your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this to your profile. The Top Eleven Things Everyone Should Know About Twilight: 1. Werewolves are only immortal as long as they want to be. Yeah. Kind of strange. Apparently it has to do with how often they choose to become wolves. Of course, these are quite strange werewolves who don’t follow the moon. 2. Vampires sparkle in the sun. Really. And no one ever laughs at them when they do this. Then again, they only ever show this to lovestruck teenage girls. 3. In a werewolf/vampire/human threesome, the human has to be in the middle so the freezing vampire and burning werewolf balance each other out. Or something like that. 4. It is not at all creepy to make an unborn baby your soulmate nor is it creepy to raise your soulmate from infancy as its father/brother and then become its lover. 5. Author Stephanie Meyer is apparently a big supporter of the rights of demon babies. 6. Wanting to literally eat your girlfriend is romantic, not deeply disturbing. 7. Jeopardizing a fragile treaty between two very dangerous, deadly groups because you can’t control your hormones is endearing, not painfully stupid. 8. When you’re friends with vampires and werewolves, you no longer are required to care about your human friends and family. 9. . When a guy you have been dating for a few months abruptly leaves and never plans on coming back and you take to cliff diving to hear his voice, you are in no way crazy nor should you look into therapy. 10. You should never, ever let Bella and Edward name anything. Ever. 11. TELLING a group of vampires that want to kill your baby that she is half human will do nothing. Finding someone who claims that they are half-human solves everything. They’ll even kill that vampire that’s out to get you for you. "Kill one and you are a murderer, kill millions and you are a conqueror, kill all and you are god" - Adolf Hitler | |||||
