PLEASE READ!!!!!: Ok, so I know that those of you who read my fics and have fics that you want me to beta are probably wondering why the hell I haven't been active in so long. Well, the honest to goodness truth is, life has just been royally kicking my ass. I promise you all though, that I am not done here and I will NOT leave any of my fics unfinished (and yes, that includes the ones that haven't been updated in over a year). Don't expect updates from me regularly, but you can expect that they will come, no matter how long it takes me. I apologize if my lack of activity inconveniences or upsets any of my readers/friends on here, but this is the best I can do right now. Sorry. :(

Hello Peoples! My name is Kuro Neko Shoujo (that's Black Cat Girl, for those of you who speak even less Japanese than I do), but my friends (and some of my "not-friends") call me Neko-chan! In case you couldn't tell by the name, I am a complete and utter anime addict who loves all things Japanese! I'm sooo excited to FINALLY have my own fanfic account, so for those of you who care, here are some completely random funfacts about me!

Names: Neko-chan, Tsuki-chan, Yami, Rayne, the Lizard (long story...)

Gender: female (in case the name Black Cat Girl didn't give it away)

Age: Now, now, you should NEVER ask a lady her age, so let's just say it's somewhere between 1 and 100

Occupation: Secret Hitman for the Yakuza/Mafia (Shh, don't tell...it's a secret)

Personality: Well, my best friend (a.k.a. NinthFeather) often tells me that I act like a cat (thus my name) with the exception being that cats always land on their feet, and I tend to land on everything but my feet. Yes, I am a huge klutz, and gravity is my mortal enemy (curse you, laws of physics!! T.T) I am also incredibly curious about absolutely everything (and yes, I do know what curiosity did to the cat, but hey, we're all going to die someday, and I for one would rather go doing something fun)

I have been told by many people on more than one occasion that I am incredibly stubborn. Personally, I take this as a compliment. I was also recently informed that I am a freak of nature. Again, another compliment.

I am also an incredibly protective person, especially when it comes to my friends (:cough: NinthFeather :cough:). This combined with my incredible outspoken nature and somewhat...volatile personality has led to many a messy situation. But hey, I'm not dead yet, so we're all good!

I like to believe that there is a little bit of good in everyone, regardless of who they are or what they've done (and no, this is not naivety on my part, nor is it optimism. It is merely my personal belief). I tend to be very blunt, but at the same time I try not to hurt people. When I trust people, I trust them without reserve, which is why it takes a long time for me to trust anyone. I am also a major adrenaline junkie, who wants to try everything from bunjie jumping to sky diving to cliff diving (now that's a good time! XD)

Oh, I also love meeting new people, so please, send me a message anytime! Whether it's about one of my stories, or something you read on my profile, or just completely and utterly random, I'd love to hear from you! :)

Also, the homepage link above is a link to my profile Gaia. Feel free to contact me or friend me! Just be sure and let me know who you are first...XD

I also have a Youtube account. Here's the link if you want to check it out: http://www.youtube.com/user/MoonSidhe37

I also share a deviantArt account with NinthFeather. I only have a few dragon sketches up right now (I'm a bit of a dragon obsessor) but NinthFeather has some awesome fanart up which you should totally check out!! http://catfeathers2.deviantart.com/

Hobbies: Reading, Sketching, Writing, Talking (I do that a LOT)

Favorite Quote: "Tis better to ask forgiveness than permission" This is my policy on life.

Favorite Colors: Green, Black and Silver

Favorite Music: Well, my musical taste is kinda all over the place (and a good portion of it isn't in English...XD)

As far as English music goes, I love 30 Seconds to Mars, Evanescence, Plumb, Nickelback, B.o.B., Paramore, Becca, Beyonce, Bon Jovi, Kansas, Cat Stevens, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, P!nk Celine Dion, Celtic Woman, Martina McBride, Kelly Clarkson, Tarja, Chris Daughtry, Cascada, Carrie Underwood, Casting Crowns, Skillet, Mark Schultz, Rascal Flatts, Taylor Swift, Superchick, Mandisa

As for non-English (Japanese/Korean) music, I love Wild Vanilla, Do As Infinity, BoA, Naoki, Okina Reika, Kanon, JYJ, Kim Jaejoong, Baek Ji Young

(Oh, and I would just like to say that, while I'm sure she herself is a very nice person, I completely and utterly HATE MILEY CYRUS MUSIC WITH A BURNING FIREY PASSION!!...This concludes the Neko-chan spaz moment of the day. We now return to your regularly scheduled program)

Also, if you come near me with ANYTHING Justin Bieber, I will react violently. Just warning you.

Favorite Books: Seraphina, Hex Hall series, Mortal Instruments Series, The Infernal Devices, Maximum Ride Series, Twilight Series (Though I firmly believe vampires should NOT sparkle), The Pellinor Books, The Host, Daniel X Series, The Inheritance Cycle, The Daughters of the Moon Series, Harry Potter, The Door Within Trilogy, Wicked Lovely Series, Wake Trilogy...Honestly, I'm a complete and utter book junkie, so I'll read just about anything.

Favorite Movies: Lord of the Rings (best freakin' movies EVER!!), Alexander, Boondock Saints, The Avengers, Pirates of the Carribean, Sherlock Holmes, Anna and the King, Memoirs of a Geisha, King Arthur, Avatar, Star Trek, The Secret Life of Bees, Indiana Jones, Season of the Witch, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, The Mummy, Quest for Camelot, Phantom of the Opera, Hairspray (I have a thing for musicals...), The Princess Bride, Ever After, pretty much anything produced by Tyler Perry, and absolutely anything Tim Burton.

Favorite (Non-anime) TV Shows: Law & Order: SVU, CSI: Miami, NCIS, Criminal Minds, White Collar, In Plain Sight, Supernatural, Firefly, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Moonlight, Star Trek:Voyager, 21 Jump Street, Gargoyles, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Ghost Whisperer, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Winx Club (the original Italian, NOT the stupid English dub)

Favorite anime: Oh, there are so many...Loveless, Neo Angelique Abyss, Yami No Matsuei, Saint Beast, Sukisho, Gravitation, Gakuen Heaven, Princess Princess, Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru, Inuyasha, Sailor Moon, Rurouni Kenshin, Sakura Wars, Pretear, Kuroshitsuji, Night Head Genesis, 07 Ghost, Hakuoki: Shinsengumi Kitan, Vampire Knight, Koi Suru Tenshi Angelique, Sailor Moon, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Ouran High School Host Club, Vampire Princess Miyu, Dance in the Vampire Bund, Saiyuki, Black Blood Brothers...and that's only naming a few.

Favorite manga: Again, there are oh, so many...Loveless, Yami No Matsuei, Earthian, Gravitation, FAKE, Until the Full Moon, Legal Drug, Gorgeous Carat, Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru, Night Head Genesis, Kuroshitsuji, 07 Ghost, Tokyo Babylon, La Esperança, Godchild, Ningyou Kyuutei Gakudan, Fruits Basket, From Far Away, Millenium Snow, Kashou no Tsuki, Full Metal Alchemist, Her Majesty's Dog, Crown, Heaven's Will, Vampire Knight, Saiyuki Gaiden...the list goes on and on.

I have recently developed an obsession with anything by the mangaka Kaori Yuki, so yeah...that right there should let you know how incredibly screwed up I am...

Some of my favorite anime pairings (Mostly Shounen-ai, but some shoujo):

Saint Beast: Ruka x Rei/ Yuda x Shin/ Gou x Gai

Loveless: Soubi x Ritsuka/ Youji x Natsuo

Yami No Matsuei: Tsuzuki x Hisoka/ Tatsumi x Watari/ Muraki x Oriya

Sukisho: Sora x Sunao/ Yoru x Ran/ Shinichiro x Nanami/ Nagase x Gaku/ Soushi x Matsuri (I can't help it! I love them all!)

Earthian: Kagetsuya x Chihaya/ Raphael x Michael

Gravitation: Yuki x Shuichi/ Tetsuya x Ryuichi

Gakuen Heaven: Kazuki x Keita/ Omi x Kaoru/ Shinomiya x Iwai/ Naruse x Shunsuke/ Hiroya x Jin (Again, I love them all!!)

Cain Saga/Godchild: Riff x Cain/ Oscar x Mary Weather/ Cassian x Jizabel

Vampire Knight: Kaname x Yuki (though, in all honesty, any pairing with Kaname in it is good by me...)

Fruits Basket: Kyo x Tohru/ Yuki x Machi

Inuyasha: Inuyasha x Kagome/ Miroku x Sango

Vampire Princess Miyu: Larva x Miyu

Dance in the Vampire Bund: Akira x Mina

Hakuoki: Hijitaka x Chizuru/ Heisuke x Chizuru

Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru: Luka x Yuki/ Hotsuma x Shuusei/ Reiga x Takashiro

Sailor Moon: Kunzite x Zoicite/ Haruka x Michiru/ Mamoru x Usagi/ Rei x Yuuichirou/ Minako x Yaten/ Makoto x Seiya/ Ami x Taiki/ Helios x Chibiusa

About My Fics: Ok, so for those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I write yaoi (or slash, as it is also known). This means that most, if not all of the couples in my stories will be male/male.

I'll make this as clear as I can. You don't like/approve of what I write? Fine, don't read it. I don't care. But please, keep your flames to yourself. I love reviews. In fact, I am known by some as the review junkie. I love compliments, contructive criticism, suggestions for impovement, plot ideas/predictions, etc., but I will not tolerate flames. If you read my little personality spiel above, you know that I am a highly outspoken person with a very low tolerance for bull shit. Basically, what this means is, you piss me off, and I will not hesitate to tear you a new one. Enough said.

Pet Peeves: When people don't UPDATE THEIR FREAKIN' STORIES!! Jeez, leaving your readers hanging like that is just plain sadistic (and not in a good way). And yes, I am aware that I am a huge hypocrite. Shut up.

I also cannot stand and absolutely WILL NOT TOLERATE racists, homophobics and/or sexists (yes, I am a feminist. You no like? Tough, cuz me no care).

Whoever said that women were the weaker gender never saw me on a REALLY bad day. (Especially if you took away my chocolate. NEVER get between a woman and her chocolate...)

I am color blind. I see no black and white. I see people.

Love is love. It is precious, unending, and all too rare. Therefore, it should not be judged, whether it be between a man and a woman, a man and a man, or a woman and a woman.

Ok, I'm done ranting now, I promise...

Special Message!!: By the way, for all of you who've ever been to NinthFeather's profile, I would like to say that yes, this person is my close childhood friend (I'm not even going to try to spell the incredibly long Japanese word she used) and someone I care about more than anything, but everything else about me on her profile is ALL LIES!! ...Ok, so maybe some of it's true...Ok, ok, so all of it's true! But I am going to go sky diving, bunjie jumping, and cliff diving! And I will get a motorcycle and there's nothing NinthFeather can do to stop me, dammit! (Ha! Take that NinthFeather!)

Another Special Message!!: One of my AMAZINGLY AWESOME reviewers for my Saint Beast fic "Strength," decided to do me the great honor of drawing out my OC villain, Stheno!! Her name is Sky'sShadow, and she is very talented, and I'm honored that she would do this for me. Here is the address if you wish to see it! XD

http://vietgrl.deviantart.com/art/Stheno-167419314?q=1&qo=1

And my incredibly awesome BFF NinthFeather also opted to draw Stheno for me. XD Here's her version of him:

http://catfeathers2.deviantart.com/#/d36yure

Your result for The Sorting Hat: A Comprehensive Harry Potter Personality Assessment [Test/Quiz] ...

Slytherin

52% Ravenclaw, 35% Hufflepuff, 56% Slytherin and 47% Gryffindor!

Or perhaps in Slytherin

You'll make your real friends,

Those cunning folks use any means

To achieve their ends.

Slytherin's cardinal traits are ambition, cunning and determination. Like the Gryffindor House, Slytherins are emotionally volatile. In contrast, however, Slytherins are much less dominant and assertive, and less extraverted in general. Rather than expressing these emotions outwardly, Slytherins direct them inward or act in a passive aggressive manner. Both Gryffindor and Slytherin are much more driven to succeedthan the other two houses: Gryffindor out of pride and Slytherin out of ambition.

Slytherins are also much more pragmatic than the other houses and more adept at manipulating people. A key trait would be a low level of agreeableness: Slytherins are more pessimistic, more distrustful than most, and more likely to attribute negative motivations to people. So although Slytherins experience a wide range of emotions, due to their distrustful views of people and skeptical worldview, they are less expressive and more likely to appear cold or distant unless provoked.

A Slytherin's ambitious nature comes out in different ways depending on what is important to the individual person. It could lead them to try to achieve top marks (if intellect and schooling is important to them) but it could also be directed at social settings or towards athletic endeavors.

A GOOD WAY TO TELL A FRIEND FROM A BEST FRIEND

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting next to you sayin "THAT WAS FRICKIN' AWSOME"

FRIENDS:Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS:Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS:Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only for a short while.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will always be like "well you deserve better".
BEST FRIENDS: Will prank call him and say " you'll die in 7 days"

FRIENDS:Will confort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS:Will go up to him and say "its becuase your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS:Will repost this crappp!

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a WOMAN, so I MUST not be good for anything but cooking, cleaning, and making babies.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I live in the COUNTRY, so I MUST live on a farm.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be doing them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm Black so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm a FEMALE, so I MUST not SWEAR.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND, so I MUST be a lesbian.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST be a judgemental hypocrite.
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm MIXED so I MUST not fit in anywhere.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE (that much), so I MUST be an outcast
I wear BLACK nailpolish, so I MUST be EMO, GOTH, or PUNK
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I'm HISPANIC so I MUST be TRASH.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I am an HONOR STUDENT, so I MUST be a NERD.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

Just a little something for all you bigoted racists out there to think about...

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Copy and paste this on your profile if you DESPISE RACISM!!

HOMOPHOBIA IS HATE!! AND THIS IS WHAT HATE CAUSES:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
I am the one who can't accept myself.
I am the person who is ashamed to tell my own friends I am a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp, and left to die because two straight men wanted to 'teach me a lesson'.

RE-POST IF YOU BELIEVE HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG.

There aren't enough supporters! The world survives on love, yet we reject it? Spread the word!

Gay marriage:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... --

Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage

Beware, the following WILL make you cry

TWO POEMS ON CHILD ABUSE

Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
her mom was an addict
her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
and had patches of hair

She always talked to it
when no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
some more and more pain
she’ll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
a scar on her face
why would she be
in such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"God, why? Why is
My life always sinking?"

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

Hush, little sister
Please don't cry
I wish I could be there
To sing you a lullaby

I can see your arms
Bloodied and bruised
That's strange, little sister
Mine were like that too

I know you scream
When Daddy's there
Hush, little sister
I know you're scared

I can see the way
He's hurting you
I'm sorry, little sister
He did that to me too

I know that people
Ignore what's going on at home
That makes me angry, little sister
You shouldn't have to be alone

Hey, little sister
You wanna know why I'm not there?
It's a sad story, little sister
But people should care

You see, little sister
One day Daddy got high
You were asleep in your crib
So you didn't hear my cry

He screamed at me
And smashed my head against the door
While you slept, little sister
I died on the floor

You know, little sister
I don't think that I would have died
If someone had only bothered
To listen to my cries

But hush, little sister
Daddy's coming home
Quick, get into bed
You don't want him to find you alone

I'm sorry little sister
He's in a bad mood
Run while you can

Uh oh little sister
He's lifting his belt
Scream while you can, little sister
Call for help

Hush little sister
You don't need to cry
No one can hurt you
You're in my arms tonight.

If you hate child abuse then repost one or both of these poems on your profile.

Ok, now something to cheer everyone up!!

THINGS TO DO WHEN IN WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3 . Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet.

4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on hold.

5. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the houseware and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

9. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout, "PICK ME! PICK ME!!"

11. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

12. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly..."Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"

13. Go into the Butchers Department and start rubbing steaks up and down on your face saying " oooohhhh that feels so good"

14. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

15. Bring your own DVD, popcorn, sweets, drinks and nibbles and pick a nice spot on the floor in the electrical section. Sit cross legged and enjoy the film. (soap operas and kleenex are optional)

16. Take boneless chicken breasts out of the packet and throw them skyward whilst screaming "Fly my little ones, fly and be free!"

17. Randomly jump into people's shopping carts asking "Will you be my mommy?"

Things To Do On An Elevator:

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at each floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it... quick!" then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, say in "Who want to be a millionaire" style is that your final answer.

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "You should be ashamed of yourself!" and leave the lift tutting.

33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell people that you can see their aura.

35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

Some rather...interesting labels.

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (But that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos!
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...damn, that warning came a bit late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what? Outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (Dude, really? Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Oh sure, kill the dream of every American child.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On T-Rat (Military food):
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (Umnn yeah... isn't military also human?)

On a set of Indian Kitchen Knives:
"Warning: Keep out of children" (Umm...I think something got lost in translation there...)

When You Dial A Mental Hospital

Ring...Ring...

Welcome to Psychiatric World. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the phone so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"
3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."
15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."
18. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
19. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
21. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
23. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.
"You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more."
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

(\ _ /)
(O_O) want a waffle?
(># )

(\ _ /)
(o_o) um no thanks
(U U )

(\ _ /)
(O_o) TAKE THE WAFFLE OR DIE!
(># )

(\ _ /)
(O_O) OH YEAH? HOW YOU GUNNA KILL ME?
(U U )

(\_/)
(-_- )aaa ... : ok wait here let me get it out
(># )

5 minutes later

...(\_/)
...(O_o) TAKE THE WAFFLE OR DIE!
\@-@-@-@/

(\ _ /)
(O_0) OK OK I EAT THE WAFFLE!!
(U U )

The following are completely random quotes that I thought were incredibly funny and incredibly true!!

The shinbone: A device used for finding furniture in a dark room.

People who say anything is possible, haven't tried to slam a revolving door

Telling people what they want to hear is often very boring (Oh, so true.)

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you

When life gives to lemons, throw them back at life and demand BIGGER lemons

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. (Hey, it's always worked for me!)

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. (Yes! Thank you! Although, that still doesn't explain why I'm not dead yet...)

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel... of course, it's usually the oncoming train

Some people are like slinkies, they're good for nothing, but they sure make you laugh when you push 'em down a flight of stairs

That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast. (very, very fast...)

A true friend is someone who's been with you long enough to know almost eveything about you...and still hasn't killed you yet.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls...and off the occasional cliff (Damn gravity...TT_TT)

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Personally, I never knew sexy was gone... (It left when they cast Robert Pattinson as Edward in "Twilight")

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing!

There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you lose the argument that it becomes weird. (But the voices in my head are such good debaters!! I can never win!! T-T)

Well behaved women never make history. (Again, very true.)

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your friends and enemies as far the hell away from each other as possible or they'll team up to kill you!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. (Personally, I prefer grenades. They keep the doctor away for much longer...)

"Guns don't kill people, people kill people." ...Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG alot, I don't think you'd kill too many people. (Yes, I have found that, when trying to kill someone, actually having a gun does indeed help...though it's not absolutely necessary...)

Everyone has a wild side, I just prefer to make mine public. (...You mean there's another side besides wild? O.o)

Insomnia is a writer's best friend (I honestly cannot remember the last time I wrote a story before 12:00 am)

The cops never find it as funny as you do... (Story of my life...T-T)

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. (Why give your muscles any more work than necessary?)

I'm not late, I'm just not as obsessively punctual as most people

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft! (A truer statement has never been said.)

It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. (XD)

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Never go to bed mad, stay awake and plot horrible REVENGE!

Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former

When all else fails, use duct tape.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. (Oh, it's definitely me. 0_o)

Therapy is expensive, but bubble wrap is free.

There's nothing that can't be fixed with: duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over. (Surprisingly, this is actually very true...)

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. (I'm a yakuza. We never run out of places to hide the bodies.)

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites.'

I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. (There is a difference!! A difference, I say!)

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember: Amateurs built the ark, Professionals built the Titanic.

"I have a high pain threshold. Actually, it's less of a threshold and more of a tastefully decorated foyer." (from Mortal Instruments)

"Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. (0.o Umm...I can honestly say I never thought of it that way before...)

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, the rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up. (My parents gave up on telling me to shut up and sit down a long time ago. Now they just use duct tape.)

Whoever said that words don't hurt has obviously never been hit by a dictionary. (That hurts. Trust me.)

I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.

Good morning is an oxymoron.

I am worse than evil... I am the author!! (Those who have read my stories know this to be all too true...)

Sometimes it's best not to question your friend. Just help them dump the bodybag into the river.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. (Really, it makes perfect sense...)

All the good guys are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books. (Let's face it, ladies, we all know this is true...)

Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!