Updated July 4, 2012

My profile pic is of Chris Hemsworth as Thor and is from the movie The Avengers... and sweet baby Jesus, he's pretty, ain't he?

A Little Bit About Me:

I am a 30-something SAHM from Nashville and am an avid reader (so much so that, I often joke and say that I would read toilet paper if it had words printed on it), and my favorite kind of literature can only be classified as "paranormal smut". Anything related to vampires especially catches my interest, though I am partial to the kind with fangs.

I don't like to read FF stories that are 'In Progress', unless I start reading at the first chapter and the author is on my faves list. I'm too much of an instant gratification kind of girl to willingly wait for updates. I find that when I actually do write, I can't read any SVM stories, so you will find that my faves go back and forth between Twifics and SVMfics.

I gave in and joined the land of Twitter if you want to follow me, and though I don't tweet very often, I can be followed at @theSnarkySideki

Twifics: While I enjoyed Twilight (both the movies and the books), I find that I do not enjoy Evamp/B stories as much as I enjoy E/B AH stories, and I really like Bella/Other pairings more than most E/B pairings in general. Most of all though, I just want Bella to be strong, stand up for herself, grow a backbone, and for christ's sake, stop bitting that freakin' bottom lip... hasn't she chewed it off by now ladies? I HATE Bella/Jacob pairings on principal, but if you have one you think I should read, please feel free to PM me with the story link. I'm always willing to rethink an old position.

SVM/TBfics: I am an E/S fic girl all the way here; any universe, any way (AH, AU, OOC, Canon... whatever), unless we're talking about Miss Construed's The Heat is in the Tools- seriously folks, this is one HOT Alcide/Sookie fic!. I hate Bill, LOVE Pam and loath any fic that includes any feelings on Sookie's part for the terrible tiger. (Please, who has purple eyes anyways? Sookie should've known there was something not-so-right about him when the freak licked her cut that first day... UGH, just thinking about it makes me shudder!) No matter what though, I always prefer a 'smarter Sookie' over the indecisive one CH wrote her to be, and as such, I have written her that way in my stories.

If you haven’t checked out the Sookieverse blog (www (dot) thesookieverse (dot) com), you really need to. It’s a great place to find out where some of your fave authors are posting beside’s FanFiction, as well as other useful information. They also post TB recaps every week, and post the weekly challenges there.

Also, I Co-Hosted a contest with MommaMinion40 during the summer of 2011 called The Snarky Sidekick Contest. Together MM40 and I asked authors to deliver the snarkiest, sassiest, mouthiest and most opinionated Pam they could think of, because there is can never be enough Pam, IMHO. We got 9 really great entries that captured the spirit of the contest perfectly, and more importantly, it added 9 new Pam stories to the SVM fandom. Yay!

My Stories

The Sheriff’s Plan

SVM fic- complete

(TSP) started off as a story where I had planned to easily procure Sookie for Eric and away from Billy-boy. Instead, Sookie’s legendary temper got in the way, along with both Eric and Bill’s arrogance. It took me by surprise when I wrote the last chapter and realized that the story had ended itself without getting them together. Crazy, but it’s what Eric wanted in this story.

Bill, Sookie, Pam & Eric, mostly cannon before book 4, some characters more than slightly OOC as the story progresses,

Rated 'M' for graphic lemon scenes and language.

The Beginning of Forever

SVM fic- complete

(TBoF) is a continuation of TSP. Eric wanted a chance to woo and win Sookie’s love, and I just had to give it to him this time around. Sookie deserves to be happy, but Eric demands it. This story is not for Bill fans.

Sequel to TSP, E/S pairing, somewhat cannon, some characters OOC with a major character death.

Rated 'M' for graphic lemon scenes, violence, and language.

Last Friday Night *an I Write the Songs 2010 contest entry*

SVM fic- complete

If you have not heard the song, you should listen first to set the mood for this entry.

Written as an informal tribute to everal Katy Perry hits, this one-shot was a blast to work on. After their graduation from LSU, Sookie and Pam embark on a celebratory trip that eerily resembles a certain Katy Perry song or two.

Pam, Sookie & Eric, AH/AU, OOC

Rated 'M' for the hell of it (and for some course language and implied sexual situations).

Talking to the Moon *a Happily (N)ever After contest entry*

SVM fic- complete

TttM won second place in the Happily (N)ever After public vote

Thank you to everyone who voted, and a special thanks to everyone who voted for me!

This is a very angsty look at what would happen if Sookie were all alone and under the oppressive hand of Victor Madden. What would have had to take place for that to happen, and where would Sookie turn to find some much needed solice. This is a one-shot only, there will never be a 'Happily Ever After'-type ending to this story. Sorry.

Based off of the song Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars, listening to it will help set the meloncholy mood needed to get the full effect of reading this entry.

Somewhat OOC, tried to stay as canon as possible.

Rated 'T' for minimal Violence

For the Klein's Epilogue

Twific- complete

This chapter was written as a companion piece/epilogue for Sxkitn's story of the same name. I got to try out my hand at writing a Twilight story about one of my favorite Twi-pairings from Emmett's POV. What could be more fun? It's just a chapter full of sexy Emmett, Bitchin' Bella and lots of Edward bashing. No sparkly vamps were harmed in the writting of this chapter, and only Edward's human persona was trashed.

Emmett/ Bella AH/AU OOC

Rated 'M' for dirty thoughts, dirty language, and even dirtier actions.

Somewhere In Brooklyn

SVM fic- complete

Based on the song Somewhere In Brooklyn by Bruno Mars, this fic first finds a young Sookie and Eric in a crowded subway station in New York City. They meet, they talk, they seperate- all without exchanging names. Years pass and fate keeps them apart until one day she magically appears on the set of his lastest TV crime drama job, giving Eric another chance to make his Miss Perfect a perfect reality.

Eric/Sookie AH/ AU and a bit OOC

Rated 'M' for the final chapter.

Pretty Fly for a White Guy *a I Write the Songs 2012 contest entry*

SVM fic- complete

This story started as a stupid little thought that I just couldn't get out of my head... I wondered what Bill would look and act like if he became a 1990's wannabe, and couldn't stop laughing when I actually pictured it. In PFfaWG,Bill undertakes a transformation in his appearance, with some help from his new homey's, to win Sookie back and in doing so makes himself into even more of a laughingstock than he was originally. Features a YouTube-ing Pam, Bill dressed ridiculously doing the Cabbage Patch,a laughing Sookie, a Sheriff with anger management issues and the final death of one of them- can you guess who?

Based on the song Pretty Fly for a White Guy by The Offspring

Canon (mostly)

Rated 'T' for mild language, some terrible phonetic spelling and for the assassination (both literally and figuratively) of the main character.

Finding Home

TwiFic- Complete

This story is NOT a sad story, though there are sad parts. It was written as a romance that overcomes obstacles and shows that love blossoms when and where they least expect to find it. Nor is this story about the Twilight characters you know and love.

After finding out that his cancer is now in the end stage, Charlie calls Bella and asks her to pack up and move back in with him so that he can spend as much time as he has left with her. The problem with this is that she won’t be coming back to Forks alone, she’ll be bringing Edward’s unwanted son home with her. The trials and tribulations of watching her father waste away will hit her hard, but with her friends and a new man by her side, she and her son can get through losing Charlie. Non-canon pairs (Jake/R, Jas/A, Em/B) AND character death and assassinations ahead.

A/H, A/U, OOC- not Eddie friendly.

Rated 'M' for language and death

The Adventures of Derek Southman - SVM fic- In Progress

*This story can be found on Miral's profile page

Collab with Miral, though I was more of a guest writer for several chapters. This is a parody, call it a collection of clichés if you will, where Pam and Amelia (under the fake FF pen-name Pamelia) have teamed up to write a fanfic of their own, and they ask Eric to be their beta. Trust me when I say that laughter will ensue. So girls, grab your Kleenex boxes and your depends, and join us laughing until we cry and/or wet ourselves. Some chapters were written by our dear Viking as well.

Rated 'M' for the lemons (and the Limes...hell, possibly the whole citrus industry), and the toilet humor. Part of Miral's Sookehverse.

Beta Info

Who My Betas Are:

I want to give a great big shout out to my lovely Ladies of Literature!

kjwrit- (my current beta)

She is the multi-talented and much-loved author of several ongoing stories, as well as more than a few completed SVM fics that will knock your lemon-loving socks off. So big thanks and tons of beta love go out to her for taking my projects on; you rock girl!

Misticbutterfly- (beta'd TSP, TBoF and Last Friday Night)

She has written 5 stories for Twilight and HoN. Her story, Spring Fling, is absolutely awesome, so if you are a Bella/ Edward fan, you should really check it out. I want to really thank her though for all the hard work she has put in helping me make my stories what they are. Love Ya Hon! You ROCK HARD!

Miral was my awesome, albeit reluctant, onetime beta for Talking to the Moon. She has written many wonderfull snarky parodies as well as some more serious stories that are posed here on FF. Please take a moment to check her out if your looking for a good laugh, or just need a good Bill death or two (or twelve).

Who I Beta for:

I am lucky enough to work with several SVM authors; Team Jane, MommaMinion40, and SVMfan1, as well as a TwiFic author named Sxkitn. All of these authors are kick ass! If you haven’t read their stories yet, go check them out!

I am not currently accepting any new authors on a full time basis, though I am available for oneshots, contest entries, or fill-in beta work.