Likes: Dreaming/sleeping, chocolate, eating, day-dreaming, no-homework-ing, reading, rock/rap music, violent/blood/gore/magic/demon-related games, good food, writing, Harems (Ladies please don't kill me)... I might go on forever, so I'll stop here.

Doesn't Like: Yaoi, people who haven't updated their stories in more than two months, broccoli, screaming banshees (coughSakuracoughcough), using a jutsu in a Naruto video game over again, people who are reading this and getting real pissed for personal reasons, people who are reading this and getting pissed for NO reason at all, people who make the most bogus pairings in all of history (ItaHina, NejiHina, SasoSaku, sibling + sibling, any guy beside Sasuke+Sakura, ALL Yaoi pairings)

Sign: Gemini

Age: 16

DOB: June 14

Gender: Male

Name: Alex Namikaze

Eye color: Brown

Hair color: Brown, short

Location: Cookie Land

My attempt at a Joke

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

The horse, unable to comprehend the complexities of the English language, stares blankly at the man, shits on the floor, and walks out.

FUCKING LAUGH!!!

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you dislike Yaoi, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that Sasuke from "Naruto" completely has to have the nick-name 'Chicken/Duck Butt Hair Dude', copy this to your profile while laughing your ass off

95 percent of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas brothers on top of a skyscraper about to jump off. Copy and paste this into your profile if you're the 5 percent that would shout "Jump assholes!"

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with something so much you even scare yourself copy & paste this into your profile

If sometimes your fanfics seem to write themselves, copy this into your profile

If you are the kind of person who gets excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile (definitely)

If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table then put this on your profile.

If you have ever lied to get out of something and then kept up said lie for months/years despite the fact that the time for any sort of repercussions for your actions passed quite a while back then paste this into your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you support the Yaoi/Yuri filter for the story search engine, paste this into your profile!

You know you live in 2008 when:

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don’t have a screen name or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to your friends

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5, only to see that there is indeed no number 5

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly

12.) Copy and paste this into your profile if you fell for it, you know you did!

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Wow. That's really helpful)

On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Aw, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!)

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:"Put on fork and eat."(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food!?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion).

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos!: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special?)

On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children” (I should bloody well hope so!)

Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop"(That means you, Hulk! Put that bloody airplane down, you might drop it!)

Scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Again, I should bloody well hope so!)

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!)

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeah. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae)

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!)

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (Did someone do this once...?)

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Duh. Sherlock)

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.

REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.

REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.

REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.

REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it

Now I'm not the best person in the world, but I have been exposed to the kind of people that I truly want to punch in the face more than any other. So much so that I actually have, and it feels AWESOME to drop these guys. To prevent further spreading of this horrible blight on mankind I will provide this list to help you avoid the bane of my existence.

69 Ways to Know If You Are a Douchebag

The worst thing about douchebags is that they seem to be spreading. As being stupid and listening to shitty music become more popular, more guys have been going to "salons" for manicures, spray-on tans, or both. Don't allow yourself to become a douchebag! Read our list of possible douchebag symptoms, if you find yourself guilty of anything here, you have a few options: 1.) Stop performing that action! It will move you in the right direction to becoming a functioning member of society. Or 2.) End your own life. For the good of society, please prevent this from becoming an unstoppable epidemic.

You are probably a douchebag if...

1.) You Wear Sunglasses At Night

2.) You Refuse To Wear T-Shirts Since They Are "Un-Collar-Poppable"

3.) You Get Offended By "My New Haircut"

4.) You Wear A Shirt Infrequently

5.) You Refer To Girls As "Bitties"

6.) You Own A Comb That You Carry On You At All Times

7.) You Go Tanning

8.) You Own More Than 10 Pairs Of Flip Flops

9.) You Think Dane Cook Is God

10.) You Work At Abercrombie And Fitch And Are Older Than 19

11.) You Own An Abercrombie And Fitch Credit Card

12.) You Order Salad As An Entree

13.) You Own Neckwear And It's A Crucifix But You Haven't Been To Church Since Christmas And You Love Drinking And Pre-Marital Sex

14.) You Start Fights Over The Best Brand Of Whey Protein

15.) You Start Fights In General

16.) You Only Drink Coors Light

17.) You Refer To Things You Don't Like As "Gay"

18.) You've Worn A Basketball Jersey To School

19.) You Mooch Off Your Parents And Still Treat Them Like Crap

20.) You Own A Scarface Poster

21.) Your Computer's Wallpaper Is A Naked Girl

22.) You Prominently Display Condoms In Your Room

23.) The Amount Of Books You've Read Is Less Than The Amount Of Cell Phones You've Owned

24.) You Refer To Your Male Friends As Your "Boys" On A Regular Basis

25.) You've Spent More Than 5 Minutes "Pimping Out" Your Myspace Page

26.) You Refer To Your Myspace Page As "Pimped Out"

27.) You Put Rims On The Camry Your Dad Bought You

28.) You Still Quote Anchorman, Old School, and Napoleon Dynamite

29.) You "Love The Yankees" But Can Only Name A-Rod And Derek Jeter As Currently Playing For Them

30.) You've Said Your Frat Is "Just Like The One In Animal House, Bro"

31.) You've Ever Worn Just A Wife Beater Anywhere

32.) You Claim To Be Italian Although You've Never Been To Italy And Your Last Native Italian Relative Came To America In 1900

33.) The Amount Of Hair Gel On Your Head Could Properly Lubricate An M-1 Abrams Tank

34.) You've Ever Complimented Another Guy On How Ripped His "Pecs Look"

35.) You Own "Growing Up Gotti" On DVD

36.) You've Ever Purchased Pre-Ripped Jeans Solely Because You Love The Pre-Ripped Look

37.) You Sport This Haircut:

38.) You're In This Picture:

39.) You Think Your Life Is Remarkably Similar To "Entourage" and have ever said "You KNOW that'll be us someday, bro."

40.) You've Ever Taken A Picture Of Yourself Shirtless For The Purpose Of Distributing It On The Internet

41.) You've Ever Said "I Liked That Band BEFORE They Were Famous"

42.) You Started Taking Guitar Lessons Simply So You Could Play Dave Matthews Band's "Crash" At Parties

43.) You Yell "Freebird!" At Every Concert You Attend

44.) Your Wallet Is Attached To Your Pants Via Wallet Chain You Bought At Hot Topic

45.) In Every Picture Of You, You Flash The Backwards "Peace Sign"

46.) You Work At Hot Topic And Are Older Than 19

47.) You Shop At Hot Topic

48.) You've Ever Blamed Climate Change On "Those Republican Assholes" But Haven't Changed Your Lifestyle In Any Way To Combat The Effects Of Global Warming

49.) You Wear The Shirt Of The Band You're Going To See

50.) You Check Out Your "Guns" In The Reflection Of Parked Car Windows

51.) The Name Of Your Car Is Pasted Across The Windshield

52.) You Own More Than Zero Pairs Of "Crocs"

53.) You Spend More Time At The Gym Than You Do Working At A Job

54.) The Majority Of Your Sentences Begin And End With The Words "Dude" "Bro" And/Or "Yo."

55.) You Become Absurdly Angry When A Teammate On Your Recreational Softball/Rollerhockey/Flag Football Team Makes An imperfect Play

56.) Your Hollister Co. Shirt Would Be Snug On A Kindergartner

57.) You Reminisce About How Awesome Your High School Gym Class Touch Football Team Was

58.) You Have A Bumper Sticker That Says "Tell your girlfriend I said thanks."

59.) You Have Pictures Of Muscular Guys In Your Room And Justify It By Saying, "Yo dude, it's just for motivation, bro," And No One Questions You Because You're Being Completely Honest

60.) You're Violently Protective Of Your Community College

61.) You're Chugging A Beer In Your Facebook Picture

62.) You're Not Wearing A Shirt In Your Facebook Picture

63.) You're Chugging A Beer Whilst Shirtless In Your Facebook Picture

64.) The Amount Of Jewelry You Own Would Make Xerxes From "300" Jealous

65.) You Own More Than Zero Flat Brimmed Baseball Caps

66.) Your Chest Is Bigger Than Your Girlfriends

67.) You Cock Your Head In Every Picture Taken Of You

68.) You Always Do The Hand-Shake-Hug Even With People Who You Probably Shouldn't

69.) You've Been Able To Emphatically Answer Yes To More Than A Good Amount Of What I've Just Listed

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

The US government may take wolves off the endangered species list. that means hunters and anyone can kill trap and skin wolves or kill them for the fun of it. IF YOU BELIVE THIS IS DOWN-RIGHT WRONG AND WANT TO VOICE YOUR OPINON OR PUT A STOP TO THIS COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE WITH YOUR NAME AFTER IT!! 0x-i-Need-A-Hug-x0, darklightningdevil, 13IsTaLkThEaKaTsUkI13, RainLily13, Valleygoat, Naru-chan and Kashi-kun, miss-perfections, Mikie-From-Ireland, DarkIsRising, dracohalo117, Soeki15

I had to copy this when I saw it... Praise the Log...

Honorary Member of The Book of Log.

If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments

Position: Log Priest

Possible Book of Log Positons:

Log Worshipper: Beginning position. No requirements

Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story

Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log

OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews

OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.

Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.

Log excerpt number 231: if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.

Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:

For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.

For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five
saplings.

For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten
saplings.

For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall
plant one sapling per square inch of detached log.

For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant
twenty-five saplings.

If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS to file a complaint. If
your case is proven correctly your next replacement will be half off.

'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy.
and the ninja spoke: yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. for thine bravery will never be forgotten.'
-book of the log, song of the willow, verses 1-4

'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'
-book of the log, chronicle of the replacement verse 3

'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads.
you have been denied the log for a long time, sandwalker. we cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this. when the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and aid you.'
-book of the log, redwood journals verses 15-16

'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle I, verses 78-82

'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.
-book of the log, wanderers saga, verses 7-9

'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle II, verses 59-70

Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.

Once again. Praise the Log. It will always be there for everyone... Except Sasuke.

This guy is probably like, my favorite author ever. So read his rules, and learn, and soon. You too shall be one of his loyal subjects.

Kenchi618's Rules of Naruto Fanfiction

1. Naruto must know some kind of replication technique, preferably the tried and true Kage Bunshin technique. Why you ask? Because it wouldn't be Naruto without three dozen blonde kids running amok on a regular basis.

2. Being a smart-ass is recommended. He doesn't necessarily have to be smart, but his mouth should be. Naruto, in essence, is a hot-head with no tact that shoots his mouth off and pisses off the wrong people, invariably drawing them into his world, for better or for worse. Since the story will probably revolve around him ANYWAY, you might as well make it so that what he has to say is hella entertaining, it makes the whole experience much better.

3. He must have some kind of weakness, even in the super-fics. Who wants to see good things happen all the time? If nothing but good things go on, then the good will become watered down and not very significant at all. He needs to be able to be beaten somehow, someway there has to be something about him that enemies can take advantage of. Naruto's the underdog, that's his appeal and that is why he is beloved. Haven't you people ever seen Rudy!?

4. Pissing off your readers is a double-edged sword. If it's a damn good cliffhanger, or something that sets up an antagonist for future comeuppance then great, fire away! As long as the pay-off is well worth it then that is what the creative process is all about. However, if you just delight in butchering whatever integrity the original storyline had and the amount of flames you get is equal to 1/4 of your entire review count then there is something seriously wrong.

5. NO FREAKIN' YAOI!! None! Now I'm not homophobic, I'm actually very chill with gay people, one of the coolest guys I know is gay, to each their own I always say. But I will not fucking read anything that even has the possibility of dude-on-dude action, fuck that shit, I have enough nightmares. Now since I'm a dude, yuri, maybe, but don't go overboard with it. Remember: Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should, and just because you should do something doesn't mean you will.

6. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. If you want reviews then fucking review on the stories of others. If you like a story, tell the writer what you like. If you don't like it, tell them what you don't like or you think could be improved. It's common courtesy damn it! A decent review takes one minute max, because you have an well thought out opinion by the time you finish reading, so share the love.

7. Grammar and punctuation are actually very fucking important. If I read a story that I could've written better in the third grade then that is a problem. It really takes away from the story, it truly does. You can have a kick-ass premise and a great plot all set out, if you type a like second grade remedial english student then I won't read it damn it. Come on! You go through thirteen years of public school and learn how to write properly for a reason, because shitty writing pisses people off! No text writing either. Slang is okay, as long it is coherent and most know what the fuck you just wrote then by all means go forth. Even good grammar and spelling in your story summary can be the difference between hits and reviews, trust me.

8. Bashing is okay... to an extent. If the entire point of your story is to just shit all over certain characters and make another look like God's gift to the world then you can do that, but you won't be getting many thumbs up for your masterful storytelling. Be justifiable and flexible on your bashing, because just like in real life, things can change easily.

9. Listen to the people. Yes, it is your story, that's cool. And in the end whatever happens is up to you. I'm not saying let them plan out the plot or anything, although if you're lazy then go for it. I'm saying that if enough people say something, like a certain thing sucks, or they talk about something that you didn't or can't explain, address it and/or try to fix it. If you are anything like me then reader response is like crack, showing you don't care is basically saying 'fuck this story' and that will not end well.

10. OC's are not God! OC's cannot do everything! They can fix stuff, yes! They can train people up, yes! They can be potential pairings, again, yes! But OC's cannot fix everything. If the fucking Hokage can't make Naruto's life much better then how can some random guy from Jack-fuckistan come in one day and fix everything? He can improve on things, like Naruto's skill level, and his relationships with people, even his intelligence and standard of living, but a full-on upswing is IMPOSSIBLE for one person... That was more of a rant than anything...

11. Have extensive knowledge about the subject you are writing on. It really helps the quality of your work if you know what the hell you're writing about in the first place. For example, don't attempt crossovers if you don't have equal knowledge of all elements being used for the story. Either know what's going on, or have one hell of a reference tool at your disposal... as a matter of fact, you should have that at hand regardless because people tend to forget/overlook shit.

This can and probably will be manipulated over time being that I own this shit, however if anyone agrees with these than feel free to use it. Give me credit, and have at it I guess.

"That was so bad I think you gave me cancer!" Calculon - Futurama

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." Winston Churchill

"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much." Unknown

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." Unknown

“Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?" Sideshow Bob - The Simpsons

"The object of war is not to die for your country, it's to make the other bastard die for his." General George S. Patton

“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers” Randal Graves - Clerks

“There’s only two men I trust. One of ‘em’s me, the other one’s not you” Cameron Poe - Con Air

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" Scott Adams

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." George W. Bush

"Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?" Jay - Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

"That's what the Internet is for! Slandering others anonymously."

"Fighting fair is for people that don't know how to avoid losing correctly."

"A fighter with lesser skill can knock out a man in one punch, but a regular person can make a skilled fighter cry like a girl with a single bullet."

"No technology is worth my dignity. If talking on a wireless headset means I gotta look like Buck Rogers, then I'm not interested. Besides, there's a reason why people hold a phone to their head! It lets people around you know your talking on the phone. So those people know not to waste time talking to you until you finish, which you then indicate, by putting that mothafucka away!" Gin Rummy - The Boondocks (And my thoughts on that stupid fucking bluetooth kick that 85% of this country was on a few years ago)

"If at first you don't succeed, deny that you were really trying in the first place."

"If you get glitter on you prepare to have it on you forever, because glitter is the herpes of craft supplies." Dimitri Martin

"Keep your expectations low. If you expect a kick in the balls, but get a slap in the face, then it's a victory."

"Civilians look on the surface, while ninja see reasons underneath. But to be the best of ninja, we must look beyond even that." Perfect Lionheart

Murphy's Laws of Combat

1. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

2. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

3. The easy way is always mined.

4. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

"I've got half a mind to kill you, and the other half agrees."

"You never want to be in a fair fight if an unfair fight is an option." Forrest Griffin - Be Ready When The Sh*t Goes Down (A Survival Guide To The Apocalypse)

"Cheating: The Plan B of winners for over 2000 years."

"Right leg: hospital, left leg: cemetery." Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic (For those that do not understand you need to go to Youtube)

"The thing you should be thinking about isn't whether or not I can actually kill you with the nail clippers, it should be the fact that whether I can or not is irrelevant. No matter if I can or not, you know full well that I'm going to try, and that more than anything else should scare the hell out of you for more than one reason and answer your question right there."

"And that's the moral of the story. Some niggas need to go jail! I may be in hell, but at least I ain't in jail, nigga! (laughs maniacally)" Colonel H. Stinkmeaner - The Boondocks

"We are not retreating -- We are advancing in another direction." General Douglas MacArthur

"Bullets... my only weakness. How did you know?" Officer Palumbo - Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

"There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life."

"Nope, no matter how bad things seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it, Nancy. Quit yer bitching."

"I have a first place ribbon in doing nothing, it's the same color as last place... It's purple."

"Women are like Voltron, the more you hook up the better it gets."

"There's no 'I' in team." "Oh yeah! Well there's no "you" in "team" either! So I guess if I'm not on the team and you're not on the team, then nobody's on the goddamn team. The team sucks!"

Man Law

1. No wasted beer in the name of humour.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend’s home)

5. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare in case a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall ever use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.

12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favour will one day be replayed.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:

If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.

22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants… (Or any other article of clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of booty.

26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat; if not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.

30. under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another man’s attempt at getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.

31. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an ufc cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it.

33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.

38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parent’s house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". And the right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important then talking

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand."

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.

53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you can’t drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.

55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbour’s lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.

63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. This is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)

66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.

74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavoured that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.

a. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.

b. Your date is using her teeth.

c. Anna Kournikova gets married (female’s identity is subject to change depending on time period Man Law is read).

86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye to eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.

88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.

90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO.

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet.

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!" (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favour of better athletes - as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

109. You cannot rat out a friend who shows up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks it’s broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.

112. When passing another man in a tight area where contact is possible, hole to hole or pole to pole is only acceptable. If it is pole to pole no eye contact should be made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such as "Fag" may be deemed necessary. Resulting immediate demotion in man status.

now for semoehtnig itnresitng...

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile.

RULES
● You must fill out EVERY question! No skipping!
●Copy and paste this on your profile!

ARE YOU?

1. Perfect? Fuck no. I suck.
2. Tall? HA!
3. In your pajamas? I wish, I'm tired.
4. Left handed? Nope, My Right hand is much better at... stuff...

LAST:

1. Friend you saw: David.
3. Person to text you: Damian.
4. Was today better than yesterday? Nope. Just like yesterday only cold as fucking fuck jizzy-jack.

FAVORITES:

1. Number: The number on the bills you want to give me.
2. Color(s): Purple, Green, or Orange.
3. Fruit: Grapes.
4. Place: Where the Fan-girls won't find me.

EIGHT EMOTIONS:

1. Are you missing someone right now? Nope, I'm manly, I don't miss people, they miss me.
2. Are you happy? Nope, why? I'm filling out a survey. Oh yeah, sure, I'm fucking ecstatic right now can't you tell? NEXT QUESTION!
3. Are you sad? No, I don't get happy or sad like you humans do.
4. Are you bored? No, I'm just doing a random survey to settle myself down from the awesome, amazing things I do around the clock. (That was sarcasm)
6. Are you nervous? Nerves are for people that are afraid of death. Shit you can come KILL ME! ... No I'm not.
8. Are you tired? No I am just day dreaming of passing out at the moment so I won't answer to you.

ABOUT YOU:

Real name? Alex.
2. Nick names? Al, A-rod(I have no idea where this came from), Little Alex (I'm a Jr.), and Beaner.
3. Eye color? Brown
4. Zodiac sign? Gemini, woot! FETUSES!
5. Male or female? I'm the manliest man this side of Chuck Norris, and I'm quickly catching up. I'm coming for you Chuck, don't sleep, wait.
6. Slut? Only on Leap Year
7. Smart? I don't think so, but compared to 85% of the people I have ever met and after basing my intelligence on a 10 minute conversation with them, yes, oh hell yes.
8. Hair color? Black
9. Long or short? Short, and erotically fluffy.
10. Sweats or Jeans? Jeans, sweats make my balls sweat. (You're welcome for that visual)
11. Phone or Camera? Phone because it can do both. Fuck a camera though, I don't need people to know where I've been... I got enemies.
12. Drink or Smoke? Bad things happen to others when I drink, so no. And smoking is stupid for someone like me so nah.
13. Righty or lefty? Didn't you just ask that shit like 2 minutes ago? SCROLL UP!

FIRSTS:

1. First best friend? Rodrigo.
2. First crush? Don't remember... I hope she was hot.
3. First pet? Dog named Blacky. Little shit and me fought every day when I was three years old. I never won...
4. First big vacation? Florida when I was seven.

CURRENTLY:

1. Eating? Popcorn.
2. Drinking? Coke.
3. I'm about to: Kill a hooker. Then use her.
4. Listening to? My iPod.

5. Plans for today? Sleep, write beginning chapters for really good stories that I'm probably never going to post because of my confidence issues.

TIME TO RANT!

Naru/Hina: God I hate this pairing! Just because she likes Naruto in cannon doesn't mean they are made for each other! I apologize to you Naru/Hina lovers this is my least favorite pairing of all time.

First: She stalks him so that means she has got to have seen the villagers treatment to him and what did she do? Nothing! She just kept her distance and left Naruto be insulted and sneered. She didn't even make an attempt to befriend him when he needed friends the most! She didn't even defended him when he was laughed at! She just watched him! Naruto didn't need this Pussy's Pussy, he needed a friend, and she was so self centered in her own little freaky fantasies which involve Naruto bending her over a ramen bowl, that she didn't even help him.

Even Fan-girls are better than that! you heard me, FAN-GIRLS! (Shakes with rage) When someone pisses off Sasuke, or makes fun of him *cough*Naruto*cough, his fan girls fucking whip the shit out of that person. Heck, you could make a bad comment on Sasuke's haircut and they will kill you. Yet, Naruto is in hell, and Hinata can't fucking do anything other than stalk him and think about how pathetic she is.

Second: She is such a little bitch! Naru/Hina reminds me too much of Ichi/Hime from bleach. She and Orihime are too god damn similar for my tastes. They both waste parts of chapters, whining about how weak they are, where I could be watching someone fight! The only difference is that Orihime has something that she can do! She can heal everyone in a split seconds. AND SHE'S FUCKING SEXYMAZING! Hinata can just peep under Naruto's pants with her Byakugan and hide her melons under her shirt. At least Orihime is good eye candy!

She makes me support Naru/Saku like I support Ichi/Ruki. I hate Naru/Saku and Ichi/Ruki, but Rukia and Sakura are very direct people. While Hinata and Orihime spend all day crying, and maybe stand up for their love once every FOUR HUNDRED CHAPTERS, Rukia and Sakura see someone fucking with Ichigo or Rukia, and they will knock the shit out of that bitch, and if they're too weak, they will curse that guy's ass out. I hate Sakura and Rukia, but in Canon, it's either Sakura or Hinata, and truthfully, I choose the lesser of two bitches.

Third: First off, this pairing is used so fucking much that the only pairing that seems to be more popular is Naru/Sasu (We're not even going to get into this pairing, lest i end up choking on my own vomit). So many people use this pairing, not only is this pairing overused but the stories often suck. I mean really truly suck, I have rarely ever seen this pairing done right. When people have Naruto and Hinata paired together it usually goes something like this:

Naruto was wandering around Konoha in uncertainty, today was the chuunin exams and he was no longer sure whether he could beat Neji (Please note that this is just an example the Naru/Hina story can be anywhere from this to before or after he leaves for his three year training trip or any other time).

He soon found himself in one of Konoha's many training grounds, he soon heard the sound of flesh on wood. following the source of the sound he found Hinata, as he watched her the blond noticed how truly beautiful she looked (Naru/Hina stories tend to disregard the fact that Naruto had been crushing on Sakura for nearly six years).

"Hinata?" Naruto asks unsurely, getting the girl to 'eep!' and whirl around.

"N-N-N-Naruto-k-k-k-kun!" Hinata squeaks as she looks at the ground and pokes her fingers together. Naruto finds this extremely cute (despite the fact that he has no doubt seen this every day he was at the academy, its somehow cute now).

They talk for awhile and Hinata manages to lift his spirits. "Thanks Hinata-chan i needed that!" Naruto says in his typical cheerful voice. (We're going to forgo the fact that he only ever called Sakura, -chan)

Hinata gulps as she realizes that she needs to tell Naruto how she feels about him, somehow she manages to gather her mouse like courage and not pass out. "N-N-N-Naruto-K-k-k-kun," She sttuters, getting the blonds attention.

Naruto tilts his head to the side in curiosity, "what is it Hinata-chan?"

"ILOVEYOU!" she blurts out almost too fast for the human mind to comprehend.

Naruto stares at her blankly for a second before smiling, "you know what Hinata-chan! I love you too! I mean sure I had this major crush on Sakura and the only thing I ever thought before this when I looked at you was 'she's this dark and weird girl' but now that i know you love me i love you too!"

"N-N-Naruto-k-k-k-un," Hinata says as they close in and share their first kiss.

End terrible Naru/Hina story example.

This is not only completely unrealistic, but absolutely god awful character development. People do not just fall in love like that, it makes no sense and makes the story suck. It's even worse in the ones where Naruto leaves at a young age, comes back a completely different person and somehow they still get together. The only and i mean ONLY reason Hinata ever loved naruto was because he was like her, considered a complete and utter failure, but unlike her Never gave up. He was, in a way like a drug for her, without him she was simply nothing hence the reason she stalked him so long. If Naruto never went to the academy, she would never love him, because he was never there to lift her spirits. Likewise if Naruto was a different person, say he was more like his father then his mother she would not love him because he would not have that loud attitude, and i doubt that he would be dead last (even if you had teachers who try to sabotage him in your fics, he would simply find a way around it).

Fourth- Next she is the heiress of the Hyuuga clan, the Hyuuga clan is a clan that inbreeds to keep their Byakugan within their family (otherwise they would not so religiously guard it). Hinata as the heiress would never be aloud to marry someone outside of the clan, even if Naruto's heritage was known from the beginning. Even if Hinata was put in the branch house she would not be allowed to marry outside the clan or her husband from outside the clan would have to become part of the clan, and I'm pretty sure Naruto's not going to give up his duty as the Last of the Uzumaki(I smell harem!) and he is the Namikaze heir. The only way this would be possible was if Hiashi disowned her, got rid of her ability to produce children (or at least children with the Byakugan) and despite fanfics that say otherwise he does love her, he just pushed her to try and make her stronger (otherwise he would never have started retraining her after the chunin exams).

Fifth- The last and most important reason why I despise this pairing is that Hinata does NOT LOVE NARUTO! Does she respect him? yes. Does she look up to him? yes! Does she feel drawn to him? YES! does she love him? No. How can you love someone without knowing them. All Hinata knows is that he never gives up, that he loves ramen and that (in canon) he wears orange since that is all she wanted to see and two of those things everyone knows (She also knows where he lives and trains, and probably the fact that his life sucks, but that's just because she's a stalker). My point being she is not in love, she has mistaken admiration for love because he is what she wants to be and feels that by being near him she can be more like him.

That is why I hate this pairing. Now please to not take this like I hate Hinata herself, I have no problem with her it's just this pairing that i can't stand. In fact in the entire Naruto fanfic network I have only ever found one I will ever read. its called A Mother's Love by Lord Of The Land Of Fire and is an excellent piece of written literature that actually makes a realistic view on how their relationship can work (and even then this fic, Naruto also Marries Yugito whom I love).

There's a lot of other shit, but I'm too agitated at the moment. I can speak to you for hours about how much I hate Hinata, but I'm not going to bother. I think I've already proved my point.

If you have something to say about this rant then PM me and MAYBE you could change my mind. I DARE YOU!!!

Second Rant- I hate stories that start with Naruto getting chased by a mob, and then suddenly gets training from the most powerful person in the world, who isn't even a ninja. Then he leaves the village, comes back... And well. Just read this and you'll understand.

Step One: Naruto is being chased by an angry mob even though he's only three years old (barly old enough to wipe his own ass) and living alone for some reason.

Step Two: He trips and/or reaches a dead end (oh noooo's) and they procede to inflict grevous, crippling, and all around over exaggerated unsurvivable wounds.

Step Three: After ten minutes of stabbing and beating (Which miraculously avoided his vitals) someone comes in to inflict the the final blows at the crowds jeering.

Step Four: In a 'thrilling' and 'suspenseful' moment a giant war-hammer is swung down on Naruto, only to be stopped an inch from his head by token superhero #25.

Step Five: Token superhero #25 yells at crowd. "WHAT ARE DO DOING TO TO THIS POOR BOY?!," crowd replies. "KILLING THE DEMON!" or the like. Slaughter ensues.

Step Six: Sarutobi and an Anbu squad show up. (perfect timing) Hokage confronts token superhero #25. "WHO ARE YOU?!" hero responds. "I'm super awesome-man! (Relation to Naruto's parents optional) Now why are your villagers attacking this poor boy?"

Step Seven: The Hokage proceeds to break his own law and tells to complete strangers Narutos life story, much to their outrage.

Step Eight: Token superhero #25 says he's taking the boy away to train him. Sarutobi agrees immendiatly without arguement, but pleads for them to return for the Genins exams. #25 agrees. (The fact that he agreed to bring the kid back to a place that delivered a massive beating to a three year old didn't seem to bother him.)

Step Nine: Naruto wakes up after the ten minute conversation completely healed, energetic, and with enough brain damage to forgive the entire ordeal. (Apparently he's Jesus, filled with infinate forgiveness for the unforgivable)

Step Ten: They fill Naruto in on the details and he begs to be able to come back to be Hokage. (a three year old can comprehend that... how?) and the duo is off.

Step Eleven: Time skip. Naruto returns, covered in trench coats and pictures of foxes. (throwing all stigmas to the wind).

Step Twelve: Meets Hokage and dishes out all his skills in painful detail. (Throwing all ninja sense to the wind.) Assigned to go to the academy, which happens to be having its exam that day.

Step Thirteen: Shows off dramarically for the test and remainder of story, powning everyone but Orochimaru in the Forest of death(and sometimes even reveals a hidden trump card that would have killed Orochimaru easily, but had some extremely stupid reason not too, and instead uses it on Gaara, but that's just my observation).

Step Foreteen: Falls in love with Hinata?!

Props to Silent Master for his well thought out and reasoned rant (claps)

Third Rant- Jinchuriki. Can anyone say underpowered? I hate how Kishimoto (Or however you write his name) has given these Jinchuriki so little power! It's so god damn annoying! They contain the mighty Bijuu! Mass beasts of chakra, corruption, (insert optional element here) and bloodlust! They should be way more powerful when using the Demon chakra!

First: These Bijuu are supposed to be the epitome of destruction, power and chakra. They have power that surpasses all Shinobi, except for a select few, such as The Rikudo Sennin, Uchiha Madara, and Senju Harishima. Even Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime Hokage, someone who could destroy an army of Jonin level Shinobi in a matter of seconds, someone who could be referred to as the Greatest Ninja ever born, could not defeat the Nine Tails!

So what? Some people could argue that being sealed into humans have weakened them. But! It's been stated that the Beasts can not use their own power to their full potential because of the lack of intellegence and over reliance on instinct, and that with the knowledge of humans, the beasts powers could be used more effectively. Yet in the series, Jinchuriki have been so underpowered! It's so annoying!

Half the fights where Naruto uses the Kyuubi seem stupid to me. He kept adding more and more tails on people he didn't need to! Most of them completely sucked and only one or two made any god damn sense.

Naruto VS. Haku: This one is one of the ones that makes sense. He didn't need a tail of chakra to get rid of someone who couldn't hurt Sasuke anymore just because of a half ass Sharingan! Just a small amount of chakra was good enough to get rid of Haku.

Naruto VS. Orochimaru: When Naruto went into the normal state when he pulls on a bit of chakra against Orochimaru, it was accurate. With only that small amount Naruto couldn't beat a Kage level ninja so it makes sense. But I think Naruto should have got a hit or two on Orochimaru.

Naruto VS. Neji: This one did not fucking make sense. Not in any way at all. Naruto pulled out as much as he did on Haku, a Jonin Level Ninja by the way, and maybe even a bit more. But he couldn't beat Neji immediately with it? I call bullshit!

Naruto VS. Gaara: Okay, this one doesn't really count. Naruto just needed the chakra to summon Gamabunta and to break out of the sand. He didn't really use it except for that one punch. But Shukaku's wind ball should have wiped out part of the forest and shredded Gamabunta.

Naruto VS. Sasuke: I CALL TOTAL BULLSHIT ON THIS ONE! MOTHERFUCKING STUPID ASS KISHIMOTO! (Goes into Seizure) NO! THIS ONE IS COMPLETELY RETARDED! NO FUCK YOU KISHIMOTO YOU FUCKING SASUKE FAN BOY! AHHHHH! If this fight hadn't shown Naruto's cool chakra cloak, I'd be beating the shit out of Kishimoto-teme.

First of all, I found it completely stupid that Sasuke was able to easily beat Naruto into the ground just because he got another tomoe in his plot-destroying eyes. I found that completely stupid. Out of the genin, only Lee should have been able to do that! And he probably would have needed one or two gates to do it that easily! So that was fucking bullshit.

No, but that's not what pissed me off. No, I could have lived with that. What I find completely stupid was that Sasuke could match Naruto's one tailed form with the second level of the cursed seal... GOD FUCKING DAMN YOU KISHIMOTO FOR FALLING IN LOVE WITH ONE OF YOUR CREATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But the chakra arm thing was awesome. And purple is my favorite color so the the Demon Rasengan was completely fucking awesome.

Now you've seen the battles during the first season. Now time for Shippuden. This is where almost any semblence of sense was taken away from everyone and they made Jinchuriki completely weak! Let's see.