It's not about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about

SCREAMING with the THUNDER,

running with the lightning,

and learning to dance in the rain.

I'm fifteen (and had this same profile layout for two years now), a Lion in the Chinese Zodiac, a Gryffindor, a Pices, a Daughter of Mars, and a Sand kunoichi gone rogue. My element is fire. My most-often used word is "fuck", followed swiftly by "indubitably".

I have a mouth like a sailor and I don't care who says what.

If God has a sense of humor...I will be just fine.

Will Ferrel is a comedy god.

People often tell me they're scared of me.

My favorite colors are red and black.

I can be very creative with my threats.

I'm my town's designated pyromaniac and Agent of Chaos. I won't bother posting examples, you probably don't care anyways.

Music is only slightly less important than eating.

I don't like people as a rule, and they don't like me. My pre-school end-of-year-report-card-thingo had a comment from my teacher: 'Does not work well with others'. Heh heh.

I am obsessed with Naruto, Percy Jackson, and Harry Potter. Other obsessions prone to change.

The Akatsuki is fucking amazing and if I had my way Kishimoto-sensei would write another manga based solely on them.

I will not hesitate to light your ass on fire.

The highest compliment one would get from me is 'badass'.

My singing voice is pretty much awesome. (And that's...that's just modest as hell.)

Touch my chocolate, music, or fireworks, and I'll force you to eat a plate of human shit.

I don't have enough middle fingers to tell the world how I feel about it.

I suck at chess.

My social skills are pretty much non-existant.

Go up to your little brother, poke him in the forehead, tell him he lacks hatred = best thing ever.

For reasons not entirely difficult to deduce by now, I am very often grounded. Update time varies depending on exactly how grounded I am and exactly how willing I am to be grounded for longer because I sneak out to jump on the laptop at 3 AM at risk of being caught. :/

I realize it would probably be a lot easier to just follow the rules, but...if I did that, I wouldn't be me.

I AM:

10% Sweet Tooth
20% Kamikaze Pilot
30% Protective Big Sister From Hell
40% Nerd/Narutard
50% Demon
60% Pyromaniac
70% Music Addict/Rockstar
80% Rebel
90% Fighter
100% Agent of Chaos

Customize yours to match you
(If I catch you with mine I will torture you)

http://www.personaldna.com/report.php?k=uycBAyvEyFSUHLG-GI-DCECE-af3a&u=202f2cba00e8

Took a personality test that kinda kicks ass. Above are the results. Guys, take it, it's awesome!

Fanfiction is what literature might look like if it were reinvented from scratch after a nuclear apocalypse by a band of brilliant pop-culture junkies trapped in a sealed bunker. They don't do it for money. That's not what it's about. The writers write it and put it up online just for the satisfaction. They're fans, but they're not silent, couchbound consumers of media. The culture talks to them, and they talk back to the culture in its own language.

—Lev Grossman, TIME

Look, my family/home life is just plain psychotic, so updates will probably be kind of crazy for awhile. I'm sorry, guys. Really, I am.

And It All Comes Down To The iPod: The OC High School Akatsuki fic, done my way. I named the OC Mari Sui to be a smartass, but actually the name 'mari' means 'rebellious', so it works out fine.

FAN ART

I can't friggin' believe that I actually have fans who are willing to draw pictures of my crap, but I do! :D There's no smilies big enough to express my joy! But anyways, here they are. I've given them names, by the way, and be warned, they are nerdy.

Pink-Haired Dei by Chillybean: http://chillybean1998.deviantart.com/art/Pink-Haired-Dei-Final-282970546

Mari by blackcatgirl: http://tokyoblackcatgirl11.deviantart.com/art/Mari-Sui-284279510

Mari Jamming Out by blackcatgirl: http://tokyoblackcatgirl11.deviantart.com/#/d4v3wph

Ninja Mari by Dapuddingz: http://dapuddingz.deviantart.com/art/Mari-Sui-290045623

Mari Being Whimsical by Dapuddingz: http://dapuddingz.deviantart.com/gallery/?q=MariSui#/d4tbkx9

Kiss My Ass by Otanashi1262: http://otonashi1262.deviantart.com/art/Mari-sui-296111316

Mari and Joseph by Otanashi1262: http://otonashi1262.deviantart.com/art/Mari-and-Joseph-296244998?q=favby%3Agoodboychan%2F50149229&qo=3

Mari With a Molotov by blackcatgirl: http://tokyoblackcatgirl11.deviantart.com/art/Mari-III-323555479

Mari and Joseph, II by Good Boy-chan:

http://goodboychan.deviantart.com/art/Mari-and-Joseph-329410045?qo=0&catpath=gallery%3Agoodboychan%3A37393054&order=0&offset=0

Deidara-Style-Hari by Human1123: http:// human1123.deviantart.com/#/d5ktjxb

THANKS SO MUCH YOU GUYS!!! Your fan art totally makes my day every time I look at them, I love EVERY SINGLE DAMN ONE and think that all of you are totall badasses. :D

I'm pretty much ignoring most of my other fics so I can finish And it All Comes Down to the iPod. I'm hoping to finish it by the one-year mark of when I started it, and hopefully evantually get 1000 reviews. Which in all honesty is kind of unlikely, but hey, what the hell. You gotta have something to aim for.

Me and Blackcatgirl, both of us, are working on a collaboration of our two fics. It's on her account and titled "Angels, Devils, and Ipods". Read her original fic ("An Angel, a Devil, and the Akatsuki") and mine (And it All Comes Down to the iPod)if you want to know what's going on in it. If I do say so myself, it's pretty fucking funny. So please go read it, you won't be dissapointed...And then, review it, so we won't be dissapointed. :D

A funny thing I found about the best word ever:

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word "fuck." Out of all the English words that begin with the letter "F", fuck is the only word that is referred to as the "F" word. It's the one magical word that just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.

Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German, the word 'flicken' which means "to strike." In English, fuck falls into many grammatical categories. As a transital verb for instance, "John fucked Shirley." As an intransitive verb, "Shirley fucks."

Its meaning's not always sexual, it can be used as an adjective such as "John's doing all the fucking work." As part of an adverb, "Shirley talks too fucking much." As an adverb enhancing an adjective, "Shirley is fucking beautiful." As a noun, "I don't give a fuck." As part of a word, "Abso-fucking-lutely" or "In-fucking-credible." And, as almost every word in a sentence, "Fuck the fucking fuckers."

As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of "fuck", as in these examples describing situations such as:

Fraud: "I got fucked at the used car lot."

Dismay: "Aw fuck it."

Trouble: "I guess I'm really fucked now."

Aggression: "Don't fuck with me buddy."

Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking question!"

Inquiry: "Who the fuck was that?"

Dissatisfaction: "I don't like what the fuck is going on here."

In Confidence: "He's a fuck off."

Dismissal: "Why don't you go outside and play 'hide and go fuck yourself?'"

I'm sure you can think of many more examples. With all of these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word? We say, use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately.

Say it loudly and proudly, "Fuck you!"

Akatsukicons!

Itachi -/ \-

Deidara o\/

Zetsu \o.o/

Tobi @

Sasori -.-

Kisame =0_o=

Hidan o.o

Kakuzu --_--

Pein 0: :0

Konan _

Copy and paste this to your profile to help them take over the world!!

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of ever line. (Damn!)

Man number one:No comment.

Man number two: But, my good sir, you just commented by saying 'no comment,' therefore commenting and all the while creating a contradictory statement with the power equal to that of dividing by zero and congratulations, you just ended the world.

5 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue.
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it.
3. The first truth is a lie.
4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it... (DAMN! DX This thing is psychic!)
5. You still have a stupid smile lingering on your face. (Well..well...yeeaah...)

30 reasons why girls are the best:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. It took the vilest, most evil creature in the universe to convince Eve to eat the apple but it only took a woman to convince Adam.

Hail 'em ladies, b*tches!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Won't tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you're not down anymore.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down.
REAL FRIENDS: Grab you by the shoulders, shake you, and say "Bitch, snap out of it!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite.
REAL FRIENDS: Raise an eyebrow and say "Bitch, I'll eat what I want." and are the reason you never have food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a very embarrassing book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask if you're alright.
REAL FRIENDS: Run away screaming: "GET OUT OF THE WAY! SHE'S PISSED!!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell.
REAL FRIENDS: Would willingly go skinny-dipping in a tank of acid before they even consider telling.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste that kinda shit.”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will offer to pay when you have a drink.
REAL FRIENDS: Will laugh and say "Pay my ass! You'll pay for mine, bitch!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk.
REAL FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk alone.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Sucks for you" and finally cave after a few hours and then say "You owe me for this, you fatass."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will smile and say "Don't worry about me" when they forget their lunch money, even if you didn't offer to pay.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Bitch, I'm a fatass and I'm starving, now buy me some damn food."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will automatically tell you you're beautiful when you ask if something makes you look fat.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Well no shit, sherlock."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would tell you not to get a face-lift because you already look perfect.
REAL FRIENDS: Would say "Face-lift? I don't think a fork-lift would help."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Tell you your zits aren't noticeable.
REAL FRIENDS: Say "Damn, girl! That thing is HUGE!!!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh with you.
REAL FRIENDS: Laugh at you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes.
REAL FRIENDS: Tell you your jokes suck.

FAKE-ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE-ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Keep it so long they forget its yours.

FAKE-ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE-ASS FREINDS: Help you up when you fall.
BEST FREINDS: Laugh and say, "Walk much dumbass?"

FAKE-ASS FREINDS: Let you share their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FREIND: Takes yours and says, "Run, bitch, Run!"

FAKE-ASS FREIND: Wipes your tears when you're rejected.
BEST FREIND: Goes up to him and says, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades.
REAL FRIENDS: Say "Jeez, you nerd. If you were in stupid classes like me, we'd see each other more."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Encourage you not to skip school.
REAL FRIENDS: Photoshop one of their old doctor's notes and use it to spring you from school.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will glare at the guy who dumps you and say "Forget him. You're too good for him."
REAL FRIENDS: Kick the guy's ass and threaten to castrate him with a spork if he comes within five miles of you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Crush on your older brother whom you absolutely despise.
REAL FRIENDS: Hate your older brother as much as you do and give him the nick-name 'Faggot'.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (A lot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (well no, but I've gone though A LOT of pencils)

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions.)

Smart-ass Comebacks to those Corny Pick-up Lines:

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually, I'd rather have the money.
HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.
HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.
HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life: in your wildest dreams.
HE: Your place or mine?
SHE: Both, you go to yours and I'll go to mine.
HE: Does beauty run in your family?
SHE: Well it obviously doesn't run in yours.
HE: I can see forever in your eyes.
SHE: But all I can see is never in yours.
HE: I looked up beatiful today in the thesaurus and your name was included.
SHE: Thanks! I saw your name next to jerk.
HE: You're like a dream.
SHE: Go back to sleep.
HE: What do I have to give you for one little kiss?
SHE: Chloroform.
HE: I want to give myself to you.
SHE: Sorry, but I don't accept cheap gifts.
HE: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?
SHE: Yeah, but this time, don't stop.
HE: I think you're th best looking girl here.
SHE: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then.
HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Sure, but only if you buy my girlfriend one too.

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

Naruto Survey

1. Who is your favourite character? Deidara, or everyone but Orouchimaru and Madara.

2. What are your favourite pairings? I don't know.

3. Are you a fan of yaoi or yuri pairings? I really never should have admitted to this online.

4. Have you ever cosplayed a characters? Not yet but I want to.

5. List your collection of Naruto junk and merchandise. Seven mangas, one fanbook, two DVD sets, several trading cards, one four-episode DVD, and a shit ton of fan art drawn by my artist friends :)

6. Have you ever felt that you were destined to be with a character? Wouldn't that be the anime equivalent of all the chicks out there who think they'll someday date Justin Beiber?

7. NaruHina or KibaHina? NaruHina all the way

8. SasuSaku or SasuNaru? Naruto belongs to Hinata and I wouldn't force Emo Clown on anyone.

9. What team is your favourite? Deidara/Sasori

10. Did you support the “Tobi is Actually Obito” theory? No...man, what the hell. Mindfuck.

11. Did you support the “Naruto's Father was the Fourth Hokage” theory? No shit, Sherlock.

12. Who is your favourite Akatsuki member? Deidara, Hidan, Tobi, Kisame.

13. Are you pro-Sasuke or anti-Sasuke? ANTI-SASUKE. THE PRICK NEEDS TO DIE, NOW!!! Emo fucktard.

14. Have you seen all episodes so far? Any I can get my hands on.

15. Have you read all the chapters so far? Fuck yeah!

16. Do you believe Naruto has ADD? No, he has ADHD. (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)

17. Sub or dub? Dub, but only because I'm too lazy to read whenever I wanna watch Naruto. The adaptation sucks ass.

18. Pro-Sakura or anti-Sakura? Anti-Sakura, at least, Pre-shipppuden.

19. Tobi = Annoying or funny? Funny, although in real life he'd drive me nuts.

20. Do you even know who Tobi is? As this entire issue is a giant mindfuck for me, I'm moving on to the next question.

21. Gai = Sexy beast or ugly nerd? UGLY BEAST

22. Who would be the best cross-dresser? Deidara. Duh. He's more girly than I am.

23. Rock Lee = Weird or awesome? LEE IS A BADASS, DATTEBAYO!

24. Who would be best OOC? um...huh?

25. Do you like fan fiction? Once again I say, no shit, Sherlock.

26. Do you write fan fiction? Only constantly!

27. Do you like lemons? Kinda.

28. Do your parents know about the characters? Only what they hear from me; they're under the impression that Sasuke is openly gay. >:)

29. Have you watched the Naruto Abridged Series? Yep!

30. Have you seen the Naruto Ultimate Fanflashes? They're stupid.

31. Have you ever gotten someone else hooked on Naruto? Believe it, sister.

32. In school, did you ever draw something Naruto-related and had someone recognize it? Can't draw.

33. Did your teacher see something like that and go “WTF is this?” Nope

34. Has Naruto affected your school life and grades? Yep -I keep getting in trouble for reading Naruto/writing fanfictions instead of paying attention! :3

35. Are you broke thanks to Naruto? I'm broke already...but yes.

36. Do you want to read Icha Icha Paradise? ...For shits and giggles.

37. Did you support the “Naruto's Father is the Akatsuki Leader” theory? -_-

38. Do you draw fan art? My drawing sucks cheese. I'm good at writing, singing, and kicking ass -that be-eth all.

39. Is Sasuke still sexy in the second stage of the Cursed Seal? Sasuke sucks, and no, he's fugly in the second seal.

40. Do you have an OC? Yup!

41. Looking back at some of your answers, do you think Naruto has taken over your life? I don't think, bitch, I KNOW!

QUOTES!

The fire rises. -The Dark Knight
That's just crazy enough to work.
If you never trust one thing I say...believe me when I say God has a sense of humor.
"It's not arson if you're just kidding."
Heaven doesn't want me, hell knows I'll take over.
"OHH! Look at me and my bad self! I SNATCHED you right out of the AIR! 'Oh I'm a crumbly canyon wall sand I'm takin' you with me -WELL NOT TODAY PALL! Uh-huh! Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh..."
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
"If I had a dime for every time you pissed me off, I'd put them all into a pillowcase and beat you with it."

"They had to redefine foolproof when they met me."

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
"Number one way to tell if you're a badass: walk away from an explosion without flinching." -Joseph (real life Joseph, not the character, BTW)
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I'm always in shit, it's just the depth that varies.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and punch the shit out of someone.
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
When the giant fluffy bunnies take over the world, I am NOT saving your ass.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and then it's HYSTERICAL.
Within every virtue there is a deadly sin to match it. -Nerissa, from the fic When Gods Go Criminally Insane
At my lemonade stand I shall give you two glasses; the first is free, the second if five dollars because it contained the antidote to go with the first.
I like you; when the world is mine your death shall be quick and painless while the others are suffering.
The only law I'm obliged to follow is the law of gravity.
Hold on, I can’t hear you! Let me turn down my AWESOMENESS.
I swear, I didn't run into it! The pole moved on its own!
Just because your not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
If you know for a fact you have an evil monkey living in your closet, copy and paste this into your profile.
That which does not kill me, had better run pretty damn fast.
Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Call me crazy and prepare to be laughed at for being right.
Most teenagers would have a meltdown if you called them a freak. However, I will simply ask, "What was your first clue?"
I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster.
To catch me you got to be fast, to find me you got to be smart, but to be me? Damn you must be kidding...
When I die, I'm going to haunt the fuck out of you people!
"If people really learned from their mistakes, I'd be a fucking genius by now" -Unknown
"Weed is weed, and if you smoke it - YOU WILL EXPLODE!" -Nigahiga
"Dude, I've been talking to myself for like ten minutes. Aaand I'm still doing it. Damn." -Me
"You can't control me. I'm uncontrollable. Only I can control myself, and that's just barely possible!" -Unknown
"I may be a loser but I'm the awesomest fish-flippin loser you're ever gonna meet" -Unknown
"When protecting something truly precious to you, a person can become truly as storng as they must be!" -Haku
"If being smart means what you say I'll remain a fool for the rest of my life" - Naruto
"Feeling quite happylicious and a little groovy" - Caityandnaeheartcookies
"No, we do NOT use guns here, put the Lincoln logs where they go!" -A daycare teacher
"I have chicken noodle soup, you're all fucked" -Me
"Even angels have their wicked schemes, and you take that to new extremes" -Love the Way You Lie Part 2
"Work must be shunned" - Rainy
"Some people build walls, not to keep others away, but to see who cares enough to tear them down." -Unknown
"I'm good at this. I'm not the best in the world, but I rock. Someday in the future I can rock seriously, big-time, and OUT LOUD." -Jamie Kelly
"They keep moving my noodles." -Mom
"Go for it, never back down, and don't give in, because there are no greater satasfactions in lifwe than using your gifts to help others." -Madeline Albright
"I have a right to two things, liberty or death. If I cannot have one, I will take the othwer, for no man will take me alive. I will keep fighting for as long as my strength lasts." -Harriet Tubman
"You're only in trouble if you get caught."-Aladdin
"Excuse me while I go find a container for my joy." -The Wild Thornberries
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook." -Julia Child
"But I had this ideaaa, and everyone knows that when I have an ideaaa, there's trouble brewin'." -Wendelen Van Draaen, Author of Runaway
"I base most of my fashion sense on what doesn't itch." -Gilda Bedner
"No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us."-Spongebob
"I don't want that unpredictable lunatic in my casino." -Mr. Burns
"Are you trying to seduce me?" -The Sandman
"Hakuna Matada!" -The Lion King
"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.” -Angela Monet
“People live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true. That’s how they define ‘reality’. But what does it mean to be ‘correct’ or ‘true’? Merely vague concepts…their reality may all be a mirage. Can we consider them to simply be living in their own world, shaped by their beliefs?” -Itachi Uchiha
"Perhaps being a lunatic is simply being a minority of one." -1984
"There's a fine line between courage and stupidity, between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." -Unknown
A true friend sees the 1st tear, catches the 2nd, and bitchslaps the mothafucker that causes the 3rd.
Call me what you want; I really don't care. But if you insult my friends...see here, buddy, let's take a walk. Let me give you a little hint: call the police you stupid litte shit, 'cause there's about to be a murder.
You're my best friend in the whole world. I would do anything for you. And since I know you would want me to stay safe, I'll trip you if zombies start chasing us.
I only seem like a smartass 'cause I'm surrounded by dumbasses.
Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine.
Trust no man, fear no bitch.
Hating me won't make you pretty.
Don't underestimate me, pal. See this smile? It's not really a smile. It's a distraction so I can punch you in the face.
MENtal anxiety, MENtal breakdown, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... Did you ever notice how all of out problems begin with MEN?
May God have mercy on my enemies, 'cause I sure as hell won't.
It's a beautiful day... now watch some asshole fuck it up.
I swear, officer. I didn't punch her; I just fist-pumped her face.
Didn't give a fuck yesterday, don't give a fuck today, probably won't give a fuck tomorrow.
He who laughs last didn't get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Most women say that men should have to suffer through periods like us; not me. If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons.
Therapy pays off later; screaming obsentities and beating the shit out of people pays off now.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
'Alpha Kenny Body.' Say it aloud and see if you can figure out what you're saying. (Took me five tries Xd -amy out)
Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
'I love you' is eight letters. And so is 'bullshit'.
"We're both of the same breed, after all...Motives for war are not of concern. Religion, ideology, resources, land, spite, love, or just because...no matter how pathetic the reason, it's enough to start war."-Pein
"We are but men, drawn to act in the name of revenge we deem to be 'Justice.' But when we call our vengeance 'Justice,' it only breeds more revenge...forging the first link in the chains of hatred."-Pein
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on." - Robert Bloch
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music"
"There is no great beauty without some degree of strangeness in the proportion" -Fransic Van Bacon (I think)
"Every act of creation was first an act if destruction" -Picasso
"It was at that moment I realized: I didn't want to be a criminal. I just wanted to kick a door down." -Dane Cook
"I'm worth, like, ten million other people." -Me, acting like a dumbass again
"He was sitting there, chillin' like a villain, when they came up and stole the nigga!" -Joseph, when describing the Akastuki kidnapping gaara to a new narutard
"The puppet KNOWS" -Little bro #1
"Never betray a mountain lion" -Little bro #2
"All my niggas are in paris and they're going gorallas! (What does that even mean?) I don't know what it means! NO one knows what it means. But it's provacative." -Some song
"You and me, baby, aint nothin but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel" -Bloodhound gang
"I'm gonna slap you with a beef stick." -A random person
"I hope she loves like you, I hope she fights like me, stands up for the innocent, and the weak!" -some song I can't rememberI'm no physician, but there appears to be a dagger through my chest.
When nothing in life is going right- go left, then drag people backwards.
A mountain that eats people . . . I want one
If I had no sense of humor then I would have committed suicide long ago
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
If at first you don't succeed . . . go back and reload the gun.
Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them
There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid
If brute force doesn't work, you're not using enough of it.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there are footprints on the moon
Don't look at me with that tone of voice!
It's a wonder they haven't locked you up yet
Fiction is a lie and good fiction is the truth inside the lie
You've gotta die in creative ways.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Push something hard enough and it will fall.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you wouldn't have been notified.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view
Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.
Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!
People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.

WALL OF PICASSO:

“Everything you can imagine is real.”
“Others have seen what is and asked why. I have seen what could be and asked why not.”
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.”
“Ah, good taste! What a dreadful thing! Taste is the enemy of creativeness.”
“Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone”
“The chief enemy of creativity is good sense.”
“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”
“What do you think an artist is? ...he is a political being, constantly aware of the heart breaking, passionate, or delightful things that happen in the world, shaping himself completely in their image. “Painting is not made to decorate apartments. It's an offensive and defensive weapon against the enemy.”
“Bad artists copy. Good artists steal.”
“The urge to destroy is also a creative urge.”
“If I paint a wild horse, you might not see the horse... but surely you will see the wildness!”
“There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.”
“I do not seek. I find.”
“There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.”
“To draw, you must close your eyes and sing.”
*Walks up to a chick* "I am Picasso! You and I will do great things together." (back in the THIRTIES, yall...wow)
“If only we could pull out our brain and use only our eyes.”
“We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize truth at least the truth that is given us to understand. The artist must know the manner whereby to convince others of the truthfulness of his lies.”
“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.”
“I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money.”
“I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them.”
“He can who thinks he can, and he can't who thinks he can't. This is an inexorable, indisputable law.”
“We artists are indestructible; even in a prison, or in a concentration camp, I would be almighty in my own world of art, even if I had to paint my pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell.”
“The artist is a receptacle for emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider's web.”
“Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not melt in one's bath.”

Teen Commandments

1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (Why wait that long?)

2. Thou shall not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper. After all, money isn't a hot commodity for us teens)

3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Target has a better selection, and supermarkets are better for junk food)

4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (Being an arsonist is more fun. FIRE! And what kind of idiot gets arrested anyway?)

5. Thou shall not steal from your parents. (Everyone knows grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not get into fights. (If you start it, then you were in it anyway and they're the ones who get into it)

7. Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)

8. Thou shall not wear revealing clothes in class. (Hooters pays more)

9. Thou shall not think about having sex. (like Nike says, "just do it")

10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (just leave 'em in the middle)

The Things That Effing Piss Me (and other readers) Off in fandom:

Despite that several of these probably apply to me a little, I'm still re-posting this because it is fucking true:

The pretweendom and under-eighteen-verse posters. Listen kids, here's some advise from someone who had the sense to read before I posted. Read before you post damn it! I had been on ff.net for almost two years before I posted a damn thing and that was because I didn't want to embarrass myself, and contribute to the utter juvenile bull that is flooding our site today. Before you even try to write a fic do your homework. And for those of you under the age of eighteen, lemons are not for you. They are not for you to read and they’re most certainly not for you to write. You are children! I am sick of reading lemons written by kids as young as sixteen and under. Stick to the pg-13 ratings and leave the 'M' for the adults.

Bad grammar: No one is perfect. I myself have some cringe-worthy errors in my writing but there are a few things that aren't applicable to fanfiction and literature by wider extension.

1. Textspeak or Netspeak. Dis iz literature ppl so dun fukin' writ lyk dis u moron.

2. Uncalled for fragmentation: Here's a hint people. Develop your sentences. Don't write. Like this. It is, fucking annoying. To. Read. And I. Will. Flame you. For it. If I. See you. Writing. Like this. You dumb, ass.

3. FULL CAPS IN SENTENCES: This is a shameless butchering of the English language. Caps are used for proper nouns or the beginning of sentences; not the whole fucking story.

4. It is unnecessary for you to curse every other word in your fic. We get the point without you using foul language got it? Good, moving on.

The dreaded AU High School fic: Ahh, the high school fandom that sadly shows no sign of ever dying. Hey you, Pre-teen still in the hell of High school! We have all been through it, no fucking need to go back! To make it worse it's like everybody just uses one of the same freaking four plots every time! Just so you know, they are a modern day murder of the overused 'Pride and Prejudice', Cinderella, Hot-Romeo gets the ugly Juliet plot line placed into the hell of high school. Seriously, it is mind numbingly boring and grates on the nerves of experienced readers and writers alike.

Over Emo-ness: Okay, another lesson for you. Emo is a term meaning Emotional. This does not have to include: Cutting, Black overkill, eyeliner, tattoos, raging against society and pathetic whimpering in a closet. The dramatic extent of emo-ness in fandom is pathetic.

Bad Japanese: Sweet mother in heaven! Japan should ban some of you people from their language. What the fuck, if you love the language so damn much why do you do you insist on abusing it? Okay, I've seen all sorts of Japanese used in fics. And it's almost all shit Japanese. I mean really shit Japanese. As in, "I-just-kinda-threw-some-stuff-I-saw-together-hope-it-fits-teehee" Japanese.

Some people might excuse it by saying, "Well, they're still learning. This is how they practice." They shouldn't be using the freaking language in fics at all! There are forums and chat rooms and pen-pal programs and websites, all geared towards learning Japanese. Welcome to the Internet, kids. It's a wonderful place. Let me introduce you to my best friend, Google.

And neither is 'Kawaii' a mandatory statement for fanfiction. Anyone, and I do mean anyone would probably be killed so fast it would make your head spin for calling Gaara 'Gaar-chan' regardless of if they are female, or male. The same also applies for most all males in the Naruto universe, because the suffix 'chan' is affixed to close, young females, pets, or female lovers.

Plot stealing: A word from a fellow author, plot stealing is one of the most irritating things you can do. If the story idea is not yours then it is just that, not yours. What is wrong with you people? Are you so unimaginative that this is the best you can do?

Under-developed Super characters: Okay, this is going to hurt. Your delicate little eyes may bleed but I really don't give a damn.

Someone does not become the most powerful being on the planet overnight you, inane, unimaginative, retard! If Naruto has an awesome bloodline ability, cool; we are seeing plot movement. If Naruto suddenly has 3 bloodline limits, absorbs Kakashi's and Itachi's sharingans, is the son of the First Hokage and Tsunade and miraculously is descended from Shinigami himself...Overkill.

Mary-Sues: Oh dear sweet unholy mother of fuck we can’t forget all your lovely super characters now can we? Listen here sweetie I’m sick of reading about your little super powered characters, or as I like to call them “Princess Sparkles.” How hard is it for you to make your character not the strongest/most beautiful person in your fic? Grow the fuck up kids, no one wants to read your pathetic fantasies. Or worse yet…self inserts.

Run of the Mill Creature fics: In the Narutoverse, If your Naruto suddenly wakes up one morning to find he has sixteen tails, four ears, and nine inch claws because he completely merged with both Kyuubi and Shukaku...get a life.

Rape-tastic stories: Rape isn't funny. Period. Not to mention it is offensive to those who have been, or have had someone they love raped. The amount of 'he/she-gets-raped-then-falls-in-love-with-his/her-rapist' stories is just astounding. It does not fucking happen you stupid, ignorant bastard. Yes, this is fiction but certain morals lines cannot be crossed.

Incest: Dear God what is wrong with you people? I can't even understand where this sick fetish came from but it is vulgar and disgusting. This is another one of those moral lines that should be respected. (I realize that this is an objective view and criticism is inevitable. Bring it.)

Bestiality. Again, remember that whole thing about moral lines? Yeah. Right here.

Over bashing: Yes, I will admit to having enjoyed a good Sasuke Ino, or even Mutsuri bashing fic, but over bashing is moronic. Making the one girl who likes your male character the source of all evil in the story is juvenile.

Leaving the worst reviews: "liek omg _ THAT WUZ SO KAWAII!!1 i luv inuyasha an miroku 2gether, their teh best lol _;; PLZ WRITE MORE!!"

Some people review everything like this. Everything. I don't care if it's the most typo-ridden, OOC, badly-written drivel that has ever graced the Internet, you think it is the best thing ever. And you will add it to your favorites list and surely read it at least once a week, because it features your favorite unlikely couple and that's all that matters.

I've had the poor luck to run across terrible fics, then glance at the reviews and see eight pages of naught but praise. If you're going to read a pile of shit fic, at least have the grace to know that's what you're reading. If you don't out-and-out flame the author, at least give them what we of the more-than-one-brain-cell club like to call "constructive criticism" and tell them how to improve their fic. For the love of god, don't encourage the bad writers! The type of reviewer that does is part of the reason why the rest of us have to muck through page after page of poorly-written crap just to find a single good fic.

The fics that are just terrible: This ties more into the ideas above, but I'd just like to expand on it a little bit. Many fics are what I like to call “Old Yeller” fics. They start out with a good idea, but after a while it just all goes to hell, and then it's time to take it out to the back yard and shoot it in the head. Tragic, but necessary.

Writing MPREG: For the love of God why? You do know that the characters you're writing are male, right? Men don't have the equipment for making babies, kids; I don't care how many times you've watched Junior. You're just writing it because you think that your adorable couple needs a baby to cement their relationship, and babies just have to come from the innards of one of them, or it just doesn't count.

Clothing: Listen here sweetheart, nobody gives a flying blueberry fuck what your character is wearing no matter how kawaii you think it is. So for the love of all that's good in the world shut your damn mouths about it and get on with the bloody story already!

Romance: All right Buttercup I need you to listen real close to this one: People do not fall in love the moment they meet. Shocking, I know. It must be hard to hear that Disney has been lying to you after all these years. So, now that you’ve been given a nugget of common sense lets talk. If I see you post a story where two characters fall in love in the first chapter I will flame you, and I’ll enjoy it too. Think for a moment princess, when was the last time you saw two strangers meet, tell each other their “tragic” life stories, and fall in love after one steamy kiss? I’m guessing never, and I might add that all of the above generally happens in a few hundred badly typed words.

Try to sit back for a moment and reflect on what it is to be human, and how being such drives you in what you do. After you do that try to think of a single good reason why one would want to suddenly throw themselves at a stranger like that. And by extension why someone would feel the need to spill their entire life out to someone they don’t know in a single sitting. Hell I wouldn’t give a stranger my phone number if I didn’t have a damn good reason to.

Review Whoring: I'll be honest here, I don't review for every story I read. Why you ask? Because most fics I've read lately have been oozing piles of putrid shit. If you're not going to put effort into writing then why the fuck should I put effort into reviewing? Here's a hint for your dumb ass's: If you're not getting reviews, or the majority of reviews you do get only say "UPDATE SOOON!!11!" Then the problem is probably you.

List fics: This is just pure laziness. If you can't be troubled to write out the actions you're naming off, then don't bother to fucking post it. That's without mentioning the fact that I'll report you faster then you can say "achoo" if I find a fic like this.

Song fics: Look here moron, lyrics that haven't been written by you are not allowed here. Why you ask? Because FanFiction.net does not have legal permission to use lyrics of song writers here. So be warned that if I find your songfic I will report you, and your fic will get pulled and your account suspended.

Chat Room Fics: Ah, the crem-do-la-crem of all fantards and thirteen year old kids. Look here sweetie, your "fic" is pure shit, and you're an idiot for thinking otherwise. Writing in "chat speak" makes you look exactly like the adolescent retard that you are. This is a site for writers, not for your inane attempts at humor, and guess what? I'm not the only person who thinks so. In fact the Administrators of the site agree; that's why those type of fics are banned. Shocking I know. Once again be aware that I'll report this shit wherever I find them and flame you for it while I'm at it.

Yaoi: Oh yes, I'm going there. Gather around children you need to hear this: You do not need to make the characters gay. I'm not even sure why you would want to, seeing as the majority of yaoi writers are young girls. Why is making characters of books, movies, and anime's even more unattainable then they already are sexy to you? What is the point? I get that odd pairings are fun, but the fact is that they're not odd anymore! In fact yaoi pairings out number the straight ones! What the fuck? Enough is enough already! And if anyone calls me homophobic for pointing out the obvious please do smack yourself, you insufferable failtard.

A final note: And above all remember this: Write like you have an education.

So there you have it; the things that royally piss me off in Fandom. If you happen to disagree, flames are welcome. Let’s see how well you can debate. Besides I'm always up for a good laugh.

LIKE IT PUT IT ON YOUR PROFILE HATE IT...well then why the hell are you still reading this?

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms.

2) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

4) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

5) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

6) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

7) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.

8) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month".

9) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

10) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches.

12) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!"

13) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

14) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.

15) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental.

16) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends".

17) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

18) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

19) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bamf!" every time I apparate.

20) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

21) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

22) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.

23) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

24) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.

25) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

26) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

27) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".

28) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.

29) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.

30) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.

31.)I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".

32.)House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

33.) Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.

34.)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Claus.

35.) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.

36.)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing "I Will Survive" in the mirror, as it is disturbing.

37.) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.

38.)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

39.) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

40.) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

41.)The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.

42.)I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".

43.)When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

44.)Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

45.)A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.

46.) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “

47.)I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.

48.). I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.

49.)Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.

50.) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.

51.) Calling the Ghost-busters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

52.) I may not have a private army.

53.) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.

54.) Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.

55.) I am not the wicked witch of the west.

56.) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.

57.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.

58.) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.

59.) I shouldn't use Photo-shop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.

60.) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

61.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.

62.) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.

63.) - Especially not all of them at once.

64.) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."

65.) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."

66.)Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.

67.)I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.

68.)When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.

69.)Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.

70.)The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.

71.)I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

72.)Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.

73.)Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.

74.)I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

75.)I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

76.)I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paint-balling.

77.)I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.

78.)I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.

79.)Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.

80.)Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.

81.) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

82.)Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin", despite all evidence to the contrary.

83.)I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.

84.). - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.

85.)If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: "The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.

86.) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.

87.)I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.

88.)I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.

89.)I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.

90.)It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says 'All the good looking ones die young' with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.

91.)I will not yell "Hey look! It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade

92.)I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry

93.)I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall

94.) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

95.) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

96.) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

97.) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

98.) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

99.) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

100.) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

101.)I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

102.) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

103.) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.

104.) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

105.) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

106.) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”

107.) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

108.) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.

109.) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams.

110.) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.

111.) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.

112.) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

113.) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.

114.) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.

115.) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

116.) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.

117.) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.

118.) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.

119.) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car.

120.) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.

121.) When fighting death-eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”.

122.) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.

123.) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.

124.) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S. (OF COURSE IT IS! THEY'RE ALL IN DENIAL!!!)

125.) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

126.) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do (I am Australian, after all) I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

127.) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

128.) No, magic mushrooms are not magic, and I should not attempt to grow them under the pretense of extra-curricular study for Herbology.

Naruto Birthdays

January
01-Gai(Capricorn)02-Iwashi(Capricorn)04-Haku(Capricorn)19-Gaara(Capricorn)23-Shino(Aquarius)24-InoichiYamanaka(Aquarius)25-Minato(Aquarius)

February
08-Sarutobi(Aquarius)10-Obito Uchiha(Aquarius)11-Sigure(Aquarius)20-Yahiko,Konan(Pisces)21-Yoroi(Pisces)24-Shikaku Nara(Pisces)29-Kabuto(Pisces)

March
08-Ebisu(Pisces)09-Tenten(Pisces)18-Kisame(Pisces)20-Ibiki(Pisces)27-Hanabi(Aries)28-Sakura(Aries)29-4th Kazekage(Aries)

April
02-Hidan(Aries)03-Udon(Aries)05-Tazuna(Aries)

May
01-Chouji(Taurus)04-Tsunami(Taurus)05-Deidara(Taurus)08-HomuraTaurus)15-Kankurou(Taurus)26-Iruka(Gemini)

June
01-Mikoto(Gemini)08-Moegi(Gemini)09-Itachi(Gemini)11-Kurenai(Gemini)12-Dosu(Gemini)

July
03-NejiCancer)04-Baki(Cancer)06-Kin(Cancer)07-Akamaru&Kiba(Cancer)17-Genma(Cancer)21-Kotetsu(Cancer)23-Sasuke(Leo)

August
02-Tsunade(Leo)09-Nawaki(Leo)15-Zabuza, Kakuzu(Leo)16-Fugaku(Leo)21-Kaiza(Leo)23-Temari(Virgo)28-Raidou(Virgo)

September
01-Koharu(Virgo)14-Zaku(Virgo)15-Kakashi(Virgo)19-Pain/Nagato(Virgo)22-Shikamaru(Libra)23-Ino(Libra)

October
10-Naruto(Libra)18-Asuma(Libra)19-Suzume(Libra)21-Mizuki(Libra)24-Anko(Scorpio)27-Orochimaru(Scorpio)

November
02-Hayate(Scorpio)08-Sasori(Scorpio)11-Jiraiya(Scorpio)16-Kagari(Scorpio)25-Izumo(Sagittarius)27-Rock Lee(Sagittarius)

December
01-Zouri(Sagittarius)04-Dan(Sagittarius)20-Oboro(Sagittarius)25-Inari(Capricorn)27-Hinata(Capricorn)30-Konohamaru(Capricorn)

I'm a Pisces...so...I'm grouped in with Tenten and Kisame? *laughs* Fuck yeah.

Harry Potter Survey!

(Just when my relatives thought I couldn't get any geekier)

Which is your favorite Harry Potter book? Goblet of Fire. No question.

Which is your favorite Harry Potter movie? The Deathly Hallows Part II, because as of March 2013 I STILL haven't seen it!

Who is your favorite HP character(s)? Fred and George, Snape, Sirius, Luna, Dobby, and Peeves

What house do you prefer to be in? Gryffindor. No question.

But what house would you think you'll be in? Gryffindor (I have that whole dangerous-idiot thing going on).

Which ghost within Hogwarts is your favorite? Peeves.

What subjects in Hogwarts do you like the best? DADA and Potions and Charms.

Who is your favorite teacher in Hogwarts? Snape. (I mean, he'd hate my guts, but still.)

Which position would you want to be in for Quidditch? Beater.

Which position in Quidditch do you think fits you the most? Beater (excel at hitting things with bats, make of that what you will).

Who do you want to make friends with? Book Era: Luna and the Weaselys, Neville, and Draco's group of henchmen (useful connections to have). Marauders Era, Snape, Lily, or the Marauders.

If you were in Hogwarts, who would be your best buddy? Luna or the Weasely twins. Maybe Ginny.

Why would he/she be your best buddy? Because most of my friends I have here in boring Reality-Land are exactly like them.

Which character in the book can you relate to? Snape (Because of everything.) or Lily (the whole spunky-smart-girl thing) or Sirius (again, because of everything) or Ginny (girl raised amongst a thousand dudes? COunt the male siblings/cousins, man. COUNT THEM).

What pet(s) would you get? I'd be like Hagrid. Pheonixes and dragons and anything I'm not supposed to have, until I get caught.

If's (if questions):

If you happened to discover the Mirror of Erised, what would you see in it? Nonya.

If your friend was pulled into the Whomping Willow by a black dog, would you jump in and rescue him/her? No shit. (Although in all honesty I'd probably be the one being pulled in...FML.)

If Sirius Black turned up on your doorstep, what would be your reaction? The same as with any fictional character: "Holy shit you're real!" *Insert fangirlisms* "But let's get down to buisness: whatever you're doing, I'm helping, and I don't care if I'm a muggle."

What would be his reaction to your reaction? Probably laugh, then say no, then stupefy me when I try to follow him.

If you found out you could speak Parseltongue, who would you tell (characters in the HP book)? I'd keep that to myself...use it to scare the shit out of people.

If you landed yourself in the same situation as Harry was in with Umbridge's detention, would you tell anyone about the marks on your hand? I'd tell 'em I did it for fun.

More questions:

Who do you want to go to the Yule Ball with? ...I'd probably be the one crashing, spiking the punch, and getting detention for a month.

Post a character that has the same hair color as you do. Harry (if he got red highlights...)

Post a character that has the same eye color as you do. Ginny.

What color comes into your mind when Sirius Black is mentioned? Black.

What color comes into your mind when Tonks is mentioned? Violet (for some reason).

What color comes into your mind when Ron is mentioned? Red.

What color comes into your mind when Draco is mentioned? Purple (the color of slytherins, royalty, and gays)

Is this quiz getting boring and too long? Ha! It's spring break and I have no plans; I have some time to kill...

If you got hold of a bottle of Felix Felicis, what would you drink it for? (Note: it makes you lucky in everything and everything you do won't go wrong.) I'd use it and take a sip or two at key points in my current diabolical scheme, the details of which you don't get to know. Or, I'd just gather up some of my buddies, figure out a way to get us to a music executive, divvy of the Felix Felicis and start playing.

Do you like the books more or the movies? Books.

Who's your favorite out of the Marauders? Sirius, James, Remus. (No one likes Peter...oh well.)

What would your Patronus take shape in? Dragon, lion, or pheonix. (I've thought this through.)

What would be your Animagus form? A coyote or mountain lion.

What subject do you want to be the best in? DADA or Transfiguration.

This or that:

Sirius Black or Remus Lupin? Sirius.

Severus Snape or Sirius Black? Snape.

Hermione or Cho? Hermione.

James Potter or Snape? Potter (only because he amuses me).

Hagrid or Snape? Hagrid.

The Marauders or The Golden Trio? Marauders.

Ability to become Invisible or become an Animagus? Animagus, Hands down.

Harry or Ron? Harry.

Fleur or Tonks? Tonks.

Hermione or Ginny? Ginny.

Cedric Diggory or Viktor Krum? Krum.

Luna Lovegood or Cho Chang? LUNA!

Dumbledore or Peeves the Poltergeist? ...This is hard...I'm gonna have to go with Peeves.

Aragog (Hagrid's dead spider) or Grawp (Hagrid's giant brother)? Grawp.

Zonko's Joke Shop or Honeydukes? Honeydukes, for my sugar addiction.

Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans or Chocolate Frogs? Chocolate Frogs.

Death Eaters or Aurors? Aurors. (Death Eaters can suck it, I'm a soul reaper)

Dumbledore or Voldemort? Dumbledore.

Bellatrix Lestrange or Narcissa Malfoy? Bellatrix. That psychotic bitch is a badass.

Would you rather go through the first task or the third task in the Triwizard Tournament? Without magic? I choose third task, because then I can lie. With magic? Post up, dragon!

Is this survey fun or boring? Eh, it's allowing me to waste my time on fanfiction, so...

General

Are you obsessed with Harry Potter? Yes.

Could You Prove That Statement In Court? Absolutely. I can call up details from the stories and movies, and recite small passages.

Do You Know Any Of The Characters Middle Name’s? No.

What’s Hermione’s? ...

What’s Ron’s?

What’s Harry’s? James. Duh.

What’s Ginny’s? ...

Have You Seen All The Movies? Several times, except the last one (DAMMIT).

Read All The Books? Several hundred times.

What Do You Think Of JKR? I think she is brilliant and creative.

Favorites

Weasley? The Twins.

Character, Overall? Snape. (Snarky, troubled, gothic misfit? It's like an adult, male, non-idiotic me.)

Female Character? Lily or Ginny.

Male Character? Snape or James/Harry Potter (irony).

Group Of Characters? Marauders.

Adult? Since the Marauders or past Death Eaters don't count as adults...Arthur Weasely.

Professor? McGonagall.

Ship? HarryxGinny.

Spell? Avada Kedavra, BITCH.

Sweet? These chocolate frogs captivate me...

Place? Diagon Alley. Or Hogwarts, of course!

Weasley Product? Skinving Snackboxes.

Shop? WWW.

Least Favorites

Weasley? Percy

Character, Overall? Draco annoys the shit out of me.

Female? Umbridge.

Male? Wormtail.

Adult? Petunia.

Student? Lavender. Bitch, shut up.

Spell? Imperio. Creeps me out.

Book? Half-Blood Prince...because of the lack of action and the too-much romance.

Ship? Slash.

Sweet? Acid Pops.

Death Eater? Malfoy. (He's a pussy.)

Shop? Wherever it was that they buy their robes.

Place? Privet Drive.

Professor? Lockhart.

Couples-Yes or no?

Ron/Hermione? Yes.

Harry/Hermione? No.

Harry/Ginny? YES.

Harry/Luna? Lawl.

Harry/Pansy? GOD NO.

Ron/Lavander? Fuck that bitch.

Ron/Luna? Agai, lawl.

Ron/Pansy? NO.

Ron/Fleur? NO.

Hermione/Krum? HELL NO!

Hermione/Draco? Not happening.

Hermione/FredORGeorge? NO.

James/Lily? Yes.

Lily/Snape? Yes.

Lily/Sirius? NO.

Lily/Lupin? NO.

Tonks/Lupin? Yes.

Draco/Pansy? I don't give a fuck.

Fred/Angelina? Yes.

Bill/Fleur? Yes.

Harry/Cho? No.

This Or That?

Hermione or Ginny? Ginny.

Neville or Seamus? Neville.

Snape or Slughorn? Snape.

Fred Or George? ...

Harry/Ginny or Harry/Hermione? H/G

Ron/Hermione or Harry/Hermione R/H

Harry/Hermione or Harry/Luna? H/L

Ron/Hermione or Ron/Luna? R/H

Hermione/Krum or Harry/Hermione? H/K

Ron/Lavander or Ron/Hermione? R/H

ButterBeer or Fire Whiskey? Fire Whiskey.

Zonko’s or Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes? WWW.

Hog’s Head Or The Three Broomsticks? Three Broomsticks.

James/Lily or Snape/Lily? S/L (sorry Harry)

Hogwarts or Hogsmeade? Hogwarts

Hogsmeade Or Diagon Alley? Hogsmead.

Malfoy Manor or Knockturn Alley? Knockturn Alley.

Bertie Bott’s or Fizzing Whizbees? Fizzing Whizbees. Always.

Witch Weekly Or The Daily Prophet? WW.

Rita Skeeter or Barty Crouch? Barty Crouch.

Gyrffindor or Ravenclaw? GRYFFINDOR.

Random

Have you Been to A Release Party? No.

Ever cried while reading one of the books? Um...*looks over shoulder* ...yes.

A Movie? No.

Books or Movies? Books. More Emotion.

Had A Dream About Harry Potter? ...Yes.

Been To A Fansite? Yeah...

Been to JKR’s Site? Yes.

Have You Ever Roleplayed? No.

If So/Do..Who were you/ are you? ...

Did you use to have an absurd theory? Yes.

What was it? I thought Snape and Harry were long-lost brothers or cousins or some shit, and only Dumbledore knew, or something. (Don't judge me, I was twelve.)

Did you/Do you hide your obsession? Nope.

Did it/ Does it work?

Ever dressed up like a Character? For Halloween or Just No Reason at all? No, my dad would never let me hear the end of it.

Ever noticed That You can’t “Spell Hermione without Ron”? NOW I have. Thanks for that. -_-

Did you just try to prove that wrong? ...Shut up.

Notice That If Harry&Hermione Got Married They’d Have EXACT Same Intials? Again, NOW...

Did you just try to prove that wrong? ...Damn these guys are good...

Have you noticed That Lily Evans And Ginny Weasley are alot alike? Of course...

Do you find it weird that Harry & His Dad Fell In Love With Girls So ALike? No.

Do you know what fanfiction is? ... No, I really don't. (sarcasm is not protrayed well.)

Ever Been To A Fanfiction site? No, never, what the hell is this "fanfiction site" you speak of?

Do you read fanfiction? *Insert smartassed remark*

If so, do you like it? Yes.

Are you a member of a fanfiction site? No shit, sherlock.

What site? Whadda ya think? ...God, this survey is like dealing with actual people.

Do you write fanfiction? Yes.

Do you like to write fanfiction? Yes.

Ever had Harry Potter Candy? YES!

Do you own a lot of Harry Potter Stuff? All the DVDs I, ehm, aquired (read, stole) from my friends and family. Heh heh.

Do you have Harry Potter Scene It? No. But...that's a damn good idea...

Do You Have A Harry Potter Shirt? No.

What Character Are You Most Often Compared Too? My friends say I'm Fred, George, or Luna. My family says I'm Harry (because I'm always breaking rules and because my dad is James, and his buddies the Marauders).

Do You Agree With This? Fred/George/Luna: Yes. Harry: Yes. Although in all honesty, I'm probably most like a more diabolical version of Ginny.

Do You Have Any Nicknames That Have To Do With Harry Potter? Yes.

What Are They? ...Well, my friends don't get the Marauders reference, but we're the Radicalz, members Agent of Chaos (yours truly), Silent Assassin, Little Sister, Queen of the Pterodactyls (don't ask) and finally, our Wormtail equivalent, Strawberry Shortcake. We also have secret code nicknames that I am not to speak of online.

(For the record, my non-Radical, geeky friends call me nicknames having to do with Naruto.)

Do you object to being Called By them? I INVENTED this system. So, no.

Are Your friends Supportive of your obsession? Yes.

Do you have any inside jokes that relate to Harry Potter? YES.

What’s One? It all has to do with the my-dad-is-a-muggle-James-Potter-and-I'm-a-female-Harry thing. Then we went and assigned characters to everyone, including an old girlfriend of my dad's as Moaning Myrtle. Ah, memories...

Do you relate a lot of things to Harry Potter? Of course.

Do you love being obsessed With Harry Potter? Yes.

Do you wish that you went to Hogwarts? I still call others "Muggles" (in addition to "mortals", "earthlings", and "peasants") and enjoy saying things like "Imperio - You shall look at me like I'm crazy" or "Expelliarmus" and then swatting something out of someone's hands...at age fifteen...Yeah, I wish I went to Hogwarts. D:

Have you re-read the books? Several times.

Have you had A Harry Potter Themed Party? no.

Have You Had An RP Party? no.

Do You Want To? Kinda.