Before you go on to stalk me (I love you too), and read my crap, go check out my darling husband: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2299996/

"Shush, my darling. Hold that tongue of yours before I cut it out."

Hello there! My name is The SPAZtastic Lawlrus but you're absolutely free to call me Spazzeh. (Ooh, watch out, I tend to curse... especially the f-word, it's my fave. :F)

About This Kid:

1) Female college student currently taking several English courses and a Psych class.
2) I enjoy good music such as (but is not restricted to) HIM, CKY, Breaking Benjamin, The Audition, Billy Talent, Three Days Grace, Framing Hanley, Nirvana, Imagine Dragons, Flyleaf, Porcelain and the Tramps, Kerli, Ellie Goulding, Marina and the Diamonds, KO, Mumford and Sons, Linkin Park and Imogen Heap.
3) I have an obsessive personality. I love something, can't get enough of it, never leaves my thoughts and then suddenly -poof-, I don't care.
4) For some odd reason, I don't usually like most normal pairings (eg. PiperXAerrow, RoyXRiza, EdXWinry, MichaelXFiona, etc.)- actually, that's a lie. I like them (except Piper and Aerrow, JUST NO.), I just don't want to read any fanfics pairing them together. I'd prefer to read an OCXCanonCharacter, if it's well done.
5) It smells like burning.
6) You're perfectly welcome to message me and say hello, or comment about how awesome I am ;D. Hell, if you notice that I'm into a fandom you have something written for, you can ask me to read it. If I have time, I will. If it's crazy long, I'll read a chapter and just review that. But only because I'm an asshole and I need to work on getting some good karma. :P
7) I don't finish things. And I get bored quickly, as I'm sure you'll be able to-

What I'm Up To:

That's an excellent question. I haven't written any fanfic in a little too long, spent the last couple semesters trying to choke out some original stuff for my Creative Writing courses. :P

Don't get your hopes up.

I, The SPAZtastic Lawlrus, solemnly swear to review all the stories I read, regardless of content, age, or previous reviews.

Some Amazing Quotes:

-looking around at all my technology-
Me: Look at all the things I have!
-pause-
Me: So why do I feel so empty inside?

Just in case you needed some depression added to your day.

Me: I win 9 out of 10 arguments with myself.

-kid I know trying to get me to boot for him-
Me: Just go hang around a liquor store and ask the shadiest dude going in
Him: Or i could get a friend to do it :/
Me: You need to have friends for that. :p

Me: I think he's flirting with me... Er, flirting AT me. 'With' implies that it's not one sided.

Guy Friend: -goes over and rips a signpost of sorts out of the ground- What is this?
Me: I don't know, but whatever it is, you broke it.

Me: What did you drink tonight?
Guy Friend: -unintelligible gibberish- Everything.

Me: Now shut up and tell me about your date!

Other Guy Friend: I got street cred
Me: Yeah right, maybe with your D&D group.

Guy Friend: Well I'm off to bed.
Me: Ciao, I'm off to your mom's bed ;D

Me: I don't know, something like that. It's not really something I'm knowledgeable about. Now if you want to talk about donuts...

Me: If you don't appreciate how funny I am then I gotta do it.
Other Guy Friend: Your hilarity fucking enthralls me. It's absolutely captivating.
Me: That's exactly how I feel about myself too.

(complaining about having to study)
Me: I don't want to do this.
Guy Friend: It won't hurt that much, just stick the tip in.

Me: No I didn't. I think you're seeing things.
Other Guy Friend: It must be the herpes. I knew I shouldn't have touched that girls' boob.
Me: That's totally ridiculous; you've never touched a boob.

Me: I can't handle this potato.

Optimus Prime: Amazing, a booby trap that actually catches boobies.

(I, in all my maturity, laughed)

Me: I hope they suck as much as I do. If not more. Preferably more.

Me: I really want a piece of pie, but I don't actually like pie, so you see my dilemma.

Me: I wish I could make noise with my mouth.

(I'm so dumb that it sometimes hurts.)

Me: Faaaaaat.
Friend: You're not fat. You're well proportioned. Presumptuous.
Me: -laughs- Presumptuous?
Tall One: I think you mean voluptuous.

-dad throws a couple clean bras at me-
Me: They're not mine!
-I go and toss them into my mom's drawer-
Me: I'm not the only one with boobs in this house!
Dad: Yeah, well, they're not mine!

Me: You’re such an asshole to me...
Tall One: Says the one using me as a bed.

Me: There is something on your back.
Tall One: What?
Me: Ass.

Me: You’re carrying all that extra weight- like 18 pounds.
Tall One: Yeah, on my thighs.

Me: I don't want to get dressed, I just want to see my sister.
Tall One: Awwh.
Me: Or trick her into coming here and then harvest her organs. Oops, did I say that aloud?
Tall One: If you really wanted to harvest my organs,-
Me: I could just ask?
Tall One: No, you would've done it already.
Me: Maybe I'm just waiting for them to develop fully. You're still awfully young.
Tall One: Snap.

Me: Haaay
Tall One: Wheat, barley.
Me: No, no, no. You're supposed to say, "Wheat's up?" to which I would respond, "Barley anything at all."
Tall One: Loser.
Me: I'm punny!

Math Teacher: -comes into class after several students tried to barricade the door with stacked desks- ... I love this class.

Friend: That's a good idea.
Me: Of course it is, it came from me.

Tall One: I've always been weirder than you.
Me: No you haven't. But I mean, lately, wow, you have really been stepping up your game.

Me: The only reason I think outside the box is because I'm too fat to fit inside of it.

My Mom: You're our guest, you can have whichever you want, cake or pie.
Me: Yes, you can have anything you want, but one comes with a beating.

Me: What if I combed my pants?

Me: He's got 'Your Name' tattooed on his ass. Well isn't that cheeky.

Me: You've got a pansy stomach. That's why it shrinks in. It's cowering away from my greatness.

Me: Real men eat wheat... Wait, what?.

Me: I like mistaking my slipper for my dog. Makes me feel good about my eyesight, and who doesn't enjoy trying to pet a slipper?

Tall One: Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.

Me: Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.

-Best racist comment ever, and I apologize if it offends you-
"Does Canada even have enough black people to have a basketball team?"

My Mom's Insult: Your sweater looks like it was knitted by elephants!

(Seriously, next time you're in an argument, use it. You'll win.)

Question: Five cent coin.
Girl: A dime!

Me: Go left.
-Friend promptly turns right-
Me: Wrong left.

-talking on the phone-
Tall One: Status? In a call.
Me: Who are you in a call with?

-spelling words with kids-
One darling little boy: What does this word spell?
-I look down to see the word "fuck"-
Me: ... That's not a word, sweetie. Let's find you a different one.

(At least he didn't try pronouncing it like the boy who spelled "dick")

Tall One: Get out of my belly button!

Brother: You're turning into an actual human being!
Me: I know, it's terrible!

-totally cute bffl moment-
Tall One: You don't have to get me a present, as long as you're there, I'm happy.
Me: Aw, really?
Tall One: But if you could do both, that'd be awesome.

Mom: -Aerodynamics.
Me: Air of bananas?

Me: Quail. With a "ph"

-on the phone-
Me: Did I tell you I cut my hair today?
Tall One: No! What did you do to it?
Me: … I cut it.
Tall One: I mean like, how?
Me: Well I took a pair of scissors, held up my hair and-
Tall One: No! I mean, where?
Me: In the bathroom, over the sink.
Tall One: Stop being a smartass!
Me: But I love it!
-later-
Me: I've got to go!
Tall One: No! Tell me what you did to your hair first!
Me: I cut it.
Tall One: No-
Me: Byyeeeee!

Me: I'm not crazy because crazy people don't admit that they're crazy.

Tall One: I think my dad wants to kick my ass.
Me: … That’s not something you hear every day.

Me: I'll show you the picture I drew when we get to my house.
Tall One: I'm going to your house?
Me: You are??

Me: -crams self in locker-
Tall One: Where are you going?
Me: To Narnia!

-after running up the stairs-
Me: I feel like a fat kid who just bolted up a flight of stairs- oh wait..

Science Teacher: How many parents would there be in sexual reproduction?
Kids: Two!
Random other kid: Three!
Science Teacher: Yes, two or more.
Me: ??

Tall One: Do you still like Danny Phantom?
Me: Nah. He doesn’t go online anymore.
Tall One: .. What?
Me: Wait, what?

Tall One: I can’t speak Spanish!
Me: This is Italian.

Me: What day is March in?

Me: I don’t know why people are biased against you because you’re tall.
Tall One: I don’t even know why I have friends.

Me: I made a couple new friends today!
Dad: What did you make them out of?
Me: … Playdough, obviously.

Tall One: You want a boy or girl character?
Me: Your mom.
Tall One: Boy it is then.

Me: What was my first word as a baby?
Dad: … -starts to laugh-
Me: … You totally don’t know…
Dad: Haven’t got a clue.