My profile:

I guess it's silly to think I can sum up who I am in a few paragraphs but I've always liked trying. Weither or not it's a congregation of beliefs, a list of likes and hobbies or even an essay I've written on life, liberties or sex, whatever I choose to put down here will be only one facet of the real person I am. This is, of course, dependent on the fact of weither or not I am an expert on myself. (This is a consistently disputed issue.) It's only natural for me to try but then again, nature points out the folly of man. I hope you can gleam a tedima of who I am from this my version of the Sam Crow monologue.

I believe in life, both here and there. (There being anywhere that isn't, wasn't or will not be, here.) I believe in Zuul. I believe in the truth of statistics, but never tell me the odds, because in a way not dissimilar to hadron particles, you cannot actually know both the fraction, and what the odds are of... Unless I'm on camera, then tell me the odds, for that will always skew them in my favor.

I believe there is no truth worth attaining that can't be shared. I believe in time travel. I believe in divine existence, for if you must ask, yes, I'm a god. I believe in the Prime Directive, except in matters of love, The Golden Rule, except when buying gifts, and Rule 34, except when I'm looking.

I believe in unicorns, big-foot, werewolves, the Grim Reaper, cynicism, invisibility cloaks, skeptics, Nessie and non-virgins, but only in mutually exclusive quantities.

I believe in digital watches. I believe in phones that play TV shows, TVs that surf the Internet and computers that make phone calls. All four of which tell you the exact time, none of which is ever the same (which supports my belief in time-travel). I believe elves ride wolves, fairies used to be birds, and mushrooms grant wishes (but only wishes for big, small, yummy, high, 1-up or dead).

I believe in magic, because anything that isn't science is magic, and any scientist will be the first to admit science isn't everything.

I believe one must always choose the lesser of two weevils.

I believe in love at first sight, love triangles, and unrequited love. I believe in soul-mates. I believe that anybody who thinks that Lois and Clark, wouldn't work things out, are as naive as those that thought Lex was actually dead. I believe nothing good ever comes in a lead box.

I believe that truth looks different from every angle in space and time. I believe telepathy can and did exist, but that any and all species that developed it died out in one generation. I believe time heals all wounds and destroys all civilizations. I believe that space elevators are going to be achieved as soon as we blow up Jupiter.

I believe that since responsibility and power are directly proportionate (Stan Lee Law), and power and quantity are inversely proportionate (Ninja Law) then responsibility and quantity must be inversely proportionate. Which explains why you always eat the whole bag.

I believe whipped is an interception of the vinn-diagram for coffee, eggs, Rule 34, one-hit-wonders and dysfunctional relationships. I believe that the spice must flow.

I believe Java is the universal language, no matter your platform or coffee shop, and that the Lima Bean has the best Joe.

I believe that eating enough soda and pop rocks at the same time will kill you, from diabetic shock. I believe in Sonic Screwdrivers, but I don't believe drive-in-restaurants should sell vodka.

I believe that the cake is both a lie and not a lie until you open the orange box.