Irony: n 1. A method of humorous or sarcastic expression in which the intended meaning of the words used is the direct opposite of their usual sense... 2. an instance of this... 3. a combination of circumstances or a result that is the opposite of what might be expected or considered appropriate; as, it was an irony of fate that the fireboat burned and sank... 4. the feigning of ignorance in an argument... -Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary Unabridged Second Edition Volume I

If you have a dream, and in it, the dream you falls asleep and dreams that regular you wakes up, gets a drink, falls asleep and dream you wakes up and continues with regular you's dream, then regular you wakes up and sees the glass that dream you had dreamt of you getting, who dreamed who?- Christopher Scott: A Gentleman Thief

Spring: freedom, magic, joy Summer:power , escape, expression Autumn: peace, hope, apprehension Winter: begin, release, purity, Which do you define yourself with?- Christopher Scott: A Gentleman Thief

One's word is the thing that they should never break.-Christopher Scott: A Gentleman Thief

You never forget your first love. That's why I always go back to Oreo Cookies.-Christopher Scott: A Gentleman Thief

You make each day a special day. You know how, by just your being you. There's only one person in this whole world like you. And people can like you exactly as you are.-Mr. Rogers

The trick, intelligently applied, today allows us to make visible the supernatural, the imaginary, even the impossible. -Georges Melies

I am the flail of God. Had you not created great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you. -Genghis Khan

Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love, true love, never dies... No matter if they're true or not, a man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.-Secondhand Lions

A knight is sworn to valor. His heart knows only virtue. His blade defends the helpless. His might upholds the weak. His word speaks only truth. His wrath undoes the wicked.-Dragonheart

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. -Douglas Adams

I know this defies the law of gravity, but you see, I never studied law. -Bugs Bunny

It's amazing what one can accomplish when one doesn't know what one can't do. -Garfield

Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. -Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

I'm the Doctor. And if you don't like it... If you want to take it to a higher authority, then there isn't one. It stops with me. -Doctor Who

The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak... In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. -Portal

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.-Doctor Seuss

And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed-Doctor Seuss

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.-Doctor Seuss

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me. -Doctor Seuss

Today you are You, that's truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. -Doctor Seuss

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. -Doctor Seuss

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. -Doctor Seuss

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. -Doctor Seuss

Why fit in when you were born to stand out? -Doctor Seuss

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go. -Doctor Seuss

So you see! There's no end to the things you might know. Depending on how far beyond Zebra you go. -Doctor Seuss

Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds… Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe.-Neil Gaiman

Dreams save us. Dreams lift us up and transform us. And on my soul, I swear — until my dream of a world where dignity, honor and justice becomes the reality we all share — I'll never stop fighting. Ever.-Superman

You're much stronger than you think you are. Trust me. -Superman

Flying in the sky, he once again shows us why he sets the standards for so many. Many see him as a naive Boy Scout whipped by his own selflessness. They will not, cannot, see him for what he is, a hero. -Batman (talking about the other half of the original World's Finest Heroes, Superman)

I remember the first time I met Superman. It was a Justice League case so there were other heroes involved, but in my mind, none of them stood as tall or as proudly as Superman. I began to wonder what I was doing in the same room as him, how little he must think of me.But Superman never treated me as anything but an equal. At six inches tall he made me feel like a giant. Now I had to be a giant for him. -The Atom

Somewhere, in our darkest night, we made up the story of a man who will never let us down. -Grant Morrison (talking about Superman)

And as the sun that had been too afraid to show its face to this city, started to turn the black sky grey, I smiled. Not out of happiness. But because I knew...that one day, I wouldn't have to do this anymore. One day, I could stop fighting. Because one day...I would win. One day there would be no pain, no loss, no crime. Because of me, because I fight. For you. One day, I will win. -Batman

Maybe I have something to prove, to him or myself or both. Or maybe I care because I've been alone for most of my life. Ever since I was a child. Alone in every kind of darkness. Hunting evil or just waiting for the dawn. It must be some kind of comfort to have a partner. Someone to trust at your back. So maybe when I see him with Robin, I want to see me. He's like me--a loner--yet he and his partner somehow make a perfect team. -Huntress (talking about Batman)

Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world--No, you move. -Captain America

Bottom line, if a character's going to die, they better go out swinging. -Linkara

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are on a train to Scotland when they see a black sheep. The engineer says, "Oh, sheep in Scotland must all be black." The physicist says "Well, all we can really tell is that some sheep in Scotland are black." "Actually," the mathematician corrected, "All we know for certain is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland that is black on at least one side." -Unknown

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...

Costello: His brother Daffy.

Abbott: Daffy Dean...

Costello: And their French cousin.

Abbott: French?

Costello: Goofè.

Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

Costello: Are you the manager?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: You gonna be the coach too?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then who's on first?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The first baseman.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy playing...

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Who's playing first?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it.

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy that gets...

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Who gets the money...

Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Who's wife?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Abbott: What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: How does he sign...

Abbott: That's how he signs it.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Abbott: No. What is on second base.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: One base at a time!

Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.

Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: Ok.

Abbott: All right.

PAUSE

Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No. Who's playing first.

Costello: What's on first?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third.

Costello: There I go, back on third again!

PAUSE

Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who's playing third base?

Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: What am I putting on third.

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: You don't want who on second?

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.

Abbott: Who's playing first.

Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?

Abbott: No, What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first!

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The pitcher's name?

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

Abbott: I'm telling you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow!

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.

Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Gotta a catcher?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: The catcher's name?

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.

PAUSE

Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.

Abbott: So they tell me.

Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

Abbott: That's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Now who's got it?

Abbott: Naturally.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Naturally?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's different.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You're not saying it...

Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.

Abbott: You throw it to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's what I said!

Abbott: You ask me.

Costello: I throw the ball to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Now you ask me.

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.

The tips at the end of shoelaces are called aglets. Their true purpose is sinister. -The Question

It's my first real stab at cliched villainy... How am I doing? -Gargoyles

Sometimes lies were more dependable than the truth.-Ender's Game

"Don't go, Peter, She entreated, "I know such lots of stories." Those were her precise words, so there can be no denying that it was she who first tempted him.- Peter Pan

What do you despise? By this are you truly known.-Dune

It is human nature to take the most magical of worlds for granted, turning each one into a blank canvas on which to paint the lives of those who would live there. Only an outsider can see a world's wonders for what they truly are.-Downsiders

If we shadows have offended, Think but this, and all is mended, That you have but slumber'd here While these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream, Gentles, do not reprehend: if you pardon, we will mend: And, as I am an honest Puck, If we have unearned luck Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue, We will make amends ere long; Else the Puck a liar call; So, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, And Robin shall restore amends.-A Midsummer Night's Dream

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you ca'n't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."-Alice in Wonderland

It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy. Let's go exploring.-Calvin and Hobbes

Please read the stories of everybody on my Favorite Authors List, as, I swear that they are very good.truly, Christopher Scott: A Gentleman Thief