Author has written 86 stories for Criminal Minds, CSI, NCIS, Being Human, Mentalist, Doctor Who, Batman Begins/Dark Knight, Sherlock, House, M.D., and Supernatural.
I reject your reality and substitute my own
Aaaand I have done yet another massive overhaul on my Fanfiction profile. It's still ridiculously long, but it was due for a new make-over and I was bored and when I get bored, I update my FF profile because homework is for losers, apparently. Anyway.
If you don't want to wade through my pointless rambling, all FanFiction information is at the top of the profile. Or you could just skip all the way down to the stories. *shrugs* Anyway, if you're going to read all this, get comfy 'cos I'm not kidding when I say I ramble.
Gender: Female (Hopefully the name gave it away)
DOB: September 13 (and PLEASE no Bella Swan comments)
Location: 221B Baker Street of course
Muse: Lola, a mentally unstable, often violent spider who has lived in my head since I was 12
Schooling: Second year of college, working on a degree in Psychology (yes, I feel the irony)
My Other Sites:
AO3 FanFiction account (I've got a lot of crossovers posted on here and anything that's "explicit" will be posted here as well from now on)
Blog (dedicated to all things Supernatural)
Facebook Page (dedicated to all things fangirlishly awesome. If you like Supernatural, Doctor Who, Buffy, Sherlock, The Avengers or impossibly gorgeous men - and women - you should totally stop by and like us! I co-admin the page with my best friend Beth):
Aaaand one quick plug for my awesome friend Laura (SlasherrGirl) and her fantastic blog "Ask the Geniuses" She's got the Doctor, Spencer Reid, Sam Winchester, Patrick Jane and Sherlock Holmes in the same TARDIS, travelling the universe together and some of the questions she gets are just awesome. You guys really need to check out this amazingness:
Obviously, I do not own Criminal Minds, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, NCIS, Being Human, The Mentalist, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Batman Begins/The Dark Knight, House, M.D. or Supernatural. Believe me, if I did you'd all be running scared from the mental depravity and the probably uncomfortable amounts of guy-on-guy sex. Honestly, I just borrow them and play with them and even though sometimes they get a bit banged up and broken, I always return them to their rightful places and owners. I do not make money off of the stories posted here and also fail to see the need for a disclaimer at all. Isn't the fact that I'm posting on a fanfiction website enough to tell you that I do not in any way own these characters?
Nominations and Awards (FanFiction(dot)net):
Haunted – nominated Best Morgan/Reid Fic for Profiler's Choice Awards 2010
Yesterday's Pain, Today's Anger – nominated Best Crossover Fic for Profiler's Choice Awards 2010
Me – nominated as Best New Author for Profiler's Choice Awards 2010
Dance Lessons – nominated Best Erotica for Profiler's Choice Awards 2011
Fractured Hearts & Lullabies – nominated Best Morgan/Reid Fic for Profiler's Choice Awards 2011
Huge thanks and many, many virtual cookies to all of my amazing, splendiferous readers who nominated my fics and or me! You guys are seriously freakin' awesome and I love you! And many congrats to all of the winners!
Demons Run – nominated Best Angst for Profiler's Choice Awards 2012
And huge thanks to those who nominated it! I love you guys!
Even a Small Degree of Hope – ONESHOT
Across the Sky in Stars – MULTI-CHAPTER
Meet the Family – MULTI-CHAPTER
His Own Hell – MULTI-CHAPTER
Claustrophobic – ONESHOT
Wedding Bells – MULTI-CHAPTER
Internal Damage – MULTI-CHAPTER
Dads For a Day – MULTI-CHAPTER
Fragments – MULTI-CHAPTER
Where the Heart Is – ONESHOT
Satan's Hollow – MULTI-CHAPTER
Demons Run - MULTI-CHAPTER
Of Love Songs and Old Movies – MULTI-CHAPTER *In-Progress*
(Note: These stories all take place in the same universe, but were NOT written in chronological order. This list, however, presents the stories in chronological order for those of you who want to read them that way. They can be read in any order you want)
An Even Match (1987)
Brotherly Love (1990)
A Reasonable Distraction (2004)
Casual Deductions (2006)
Chinks in the Armor (2007)
Interesting Friends (2010)
Even Heroes Fall (2012)
Secrets and Revelations (2012/2013)
Criminal Minds/Doctor Who:
(Note: This is going to become a large and hugely expanded Universe featuring both the 10th and 11th Doctors with Reid as a companion)
Beauty, the Beast
Armageddon *In Progress*(Another Note: This story is a semi-AU version of the events that take place in the span of episodes "Utopia" – "Last of the Time Lords" and contains MAJOR spoilers. It is my take on "The Year of Hell". It is also a multi-fandom crossover that includes Criminal Minds, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Sherlock, NCIS, The Mentalist, Supernatural and Psych characters.)
*Untitled Prequel to BtB*
*Untitled Sequel to Armageddon*
Writing is a very big part of my life. It's part of who I am. I've been doing it since I was ten and if I ever stop, it probably means I'm dead. Seriously. Writing is something I love, something I do to get my head on straight after a bad day. Something I do to share my good mood with others. I just love to write and I love hearing what other people think of what I write.
My writing is very... varied, I suppose you could say. I have several cracky, funny short stories (mostly one-shots) and I have a few very long, dark and angsty stories as well. I have several crossovers (including one MEGA multi-fandom crossover entitled "Armageddon") and I have a lot of non-crossovers. I have a few AUs, a lot of canon compliant stories and too many torture-porn stories for my own good.
And yes, I really do mean torture-porn. I will be totally honest and say that the torture is about 80% of the plot in those stories, but I throw in the angsty, emotional character development scenes as well because I'm a horrible human being and I like breaking characters. I think the very, very best of my torture-porn stories is probably "Satan's Hollow" and it's ahead of the earlier stuff like "Before the Storm" by leaps and bounds. At least in "Satan's Hollow" there was a lot of backstory I built up and I put far more thought into it and where it was leading than I did some of the others.
I'll be honest and say that a lot of my earlier work needs, well, work. I've come a long way as a writing thanks to this site. The reviewers have really helped me to improve my writing skills and I thank each and every person who has ever reviewed one of my stories because that's what keeps me writing.
I absolutely hate some of my earlier stories - HATE them. They're average at best, forgettable and very amateurish. But I wrote them and they're not so horrible that I feel the need to delete them. I mean, a couple are probably riddled with inconsistences and logic fails, but seeing as they were written quickly and without much care or thought, I'm just glad they're not worse than they could've been.
I have rules, when it comes to writing (on this site at least) and they are as follows:
1. I will ALWAYS put warnings in my summary and my Author's Note. You will never be left wondering. If a story has slash, rape, drugs, foul language, violence, is total crack, etc. I will warn you ahead of time so if you read it, it's your own damn fault.
2. I will NEVER write Mpreg. It's totally cool if you're into that sort of thing, but I'm not. I don't like it. I won't write it.
3. I will NEVER write incest. It's disgusting. No incest pairing is okay with me. I do not read it, I will not write it. If you enjoy it, cool. But don't expect it from me.
4. I will NEVER abandon a story without due cause and warning. I have only ever abandoned one story and I am still working on getting that story back in publication shape.
5. I will read every single review I get. I love reviews, good or bad. As long as they aren't unnecessarily rude or inflammatory, I encourage and accept them with open arms.
Simple enough, right? I would assume so. And yet I still get reviews from people telling me they don't like slash. Seriously. Read the warnings. It's always there. It's not going to jump out and surprise you, I promise. If the warnings say there's gonna be slash then there's gonna be slash.
I write anything from angst, to fluff, from romance to horror. I'm not above killing off characters either. Though, I will admit that character death is the one and only thing I don't warn for. That is spoilers and I don't give away spoilers. However, I will make it absolutely clear that a story is going to be dark or angsty so really, that's fair enough warning if you ask me.
I am my own worst critic. I pick apart and obsessively analyze everything I write and, frankly, I'm usually not happy with it. There are only a few stories I've written that I have totally confidence in as a writer. Sometimes, I'll write something and be happy with it, but the next day I find myself reading over it and wanting to set it on fire because I hate it that much.
I welcome all forms of constructive criticism. If you see something wrong with one of my stories, please don't be shy. Point it out. Rip the story to shreds if you have to, as long as you're honest and objective and not rude about it.
I'd be lying if I said that negative reviews don't affect me, but I still appreciate the reviews that point out where I went wrong. It helps me to learn to correct the mistake and not make it again. If there's some time-line screw up, the characters seem OOC, the plot is falling apart, etc. point it out. I'll gladly take any advice anyone has to offer. That's not saying I'm going to write a story a certain way because someone asks me to, of course. It's my damn story and I'll write it any way I please. I'm not writing to please everyone and I don't expect everyone to love what I write. If just a few people like it, though, I think that's pretty damn good.
What I don't appreciate, however, are the rude fucking assholes who seem to think it's okay to be a total dick through the anonymous reviews they decide to leave. Do not review my story to tell me you don't like me. Do not review my story to tell me you don't like my profile. Do not review my story to tell me you disagree with something I said or did. Just don't. Send me a PM if it's that fucking important to you. Reviewing my story and not saying anything about the story will piss me right the fuck off. Don't do it.
I don't ask for reviews to boost the review count. I ask for reviews to get opinions. I want to know what people thought about THE STORY. Not about me. Not about my beliefs. Not about anything else, but the story.
If you want to leave a comment about something I said in an A/N, fine, but if there is nothing in your review pertaining to the actual story then please just send me a PM. It'll make me a hell of a lot less cranky, I can tell you that much.
But I do ask, if you read my stories, drop me a review. I try to review every story I read (and I'm doing much better at that lately) and I would appreciate any thoughts you have on my writing. I don't care if it's one or two words. I don't even care if you just want me to update - at least then I'll know you're interested in the story. Just leave me a comment or two if you read my stuff. It will be greatly appreciated.
(Fandoms I have written for are in bold; fandoms I've only read for are in italics.)
Criminal Minds – My first fandom and the one that I write the most for because of one wonderful, amazing character named Spencer Reid and the sexy beyond comprehension actor who plays him, Matthew Gray Gubler. *sighs* I am in love. This show is such fun to write for and I love it with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.
Batman Begins/The Dark Knight – I absolutely love the "Nolanverse" (especially Heath Ledger's Joker, may he rest in peace). There are some fabulous fics on here for this fandom and I'm considering possibly writing a few for it myself. It's very tempting; I love the whole Joker/Batman dichotomy and would probably have way too much fun exploring that myself. But for now, I'm merely writing crossovers.
The Mentalist – I've written a few fics and crossovers for this one. It's an amazing show and I adore Patrick Jane to bits. He's such a complicated, dark, interesting character. And Simon Baker isn't bad to look at either :P Plus, he's one heck of an actor to pull of Jane's character so flawlessly that I can *feel* the emotions he's feeling. It's terrifying.
Harry Potter – I was at first hesitant to read HP fics, because JK Rowling's work is just so brilliant I didn't want to soil it. But the author's on here come up with some pretty interesting (and often twisted) plots and new spins of the characters that I'd never consider. I really hope to eventually write a fic for this.
Iron Man: Armored Adventures – I only read in this fandom, but there are a few ideas I've got tucked away (mostly exploring the whole Tony/Gene relationship). Maybe I'll write them someday, maybe I won't. All I know is that I love this show and there are some very good fics on here.
Doctor Who – This is, without a doubt, the single greatest Science Fiction television show in existence and that's not just me talking, ask the World's Records people, they totally gave them an award for being awesomer than Star Trek. XP (and yes, "awesomer" is a word). Seriously, I'm incredibly obsessed with the show and I have lots of ideas for fics. I'm starting out a bit slow, but look out for more fics in this fandom from me. Specifically 10th Doctor centric because he's my favorite.
Psych – Another amazing crime/drama, Shawn is HILARIOUS. Right now I'm just reading, the only thing I've written for it are the scenes in Armageddon, but I do want to start writing more for this fandom as well. Probably angsty stuff. And Shassie. (What? I TOLD you I watched TV with my slash goggles on, jeez!)
Torchwood – I started watching TW because of DW, obviously, but I haven't watched passed Children of Earth. Not even sure if I *will* because CoE was painful. Beyond painful, really. The only thing I've written for it are in Armageddon during the Year that Never Was, but I do have ideas. Right now, I'm just an incredibly nerdy fangirl, which isn't really all that surprising given my massive obsession with Doctor Who and my incredible love of Captain Jack Harkness ;)
Sherlock – Oh Laura, where would I be without you? Possibly far saner than I am at this moment. But then I'd also have probably never gotten to see the most epic Sherlock Holmes in existence. I *love* this show and the characters and just everything about it. Sherlock and John BELONG together, Mrs. Hudson is awesome, Moriarty and the Master could totally take over the world and… I am in love. And going out of my mind waiting for series 3 to get here. I really might lose my mind. So I'll be writing and reading fanfics to remind me that series 3 *will* eventually get here and then I'll be happy again once the world is set back on kilter.
House– The only medical drama I watch apart from "Scrubs" if that tells you anything. I adore House and I love Wilson and the fact that the characters are all human beings who make mistakes and sometimes regret them, sometimes don't. The show is amazing and I love it and there is only one character I have any real issue with and that's Cameron.
Supernatural – This show... I will make my friends Laura and Beth pay for ever MENTIONING this show to me. Especially Beth, because she talked about it for years before I finally decided to watch it. And now my heart has been broken and rebroken and shattered and set on fire and... It's holding on by a thread right now. I'm dead inside. But I can't stop watching it. It's amazing. Yet terrible. Supernatural is the murderer of fangirls and I am emotionally dead inside.
Avengers – Okay, so technically this listing isn't just for the movie "Avengers", but pretty much the whole Marvel Universe (Thor, Captain America, Iron Man movies, etc.) I've sort of become enamored with the new movies. I haven't picked up a comic book in years but I still have a strange obsession with superheroes – unless their name is Superman then I harbor a possibly unwarranted hatred towards them.
Merlin– Because Laura can't seem to stop getting me sucked into new fandoms... I'm in love with Colin Morgan and Bradley James. Thanks Laura, thanks so much. Merlin finished the job of shattering my soul that all those other awful fandoms started so long ago. So thanks BBC, you seriously fucked up my life.
Elementary- I was extremely pessimistic about this modern Sherlock Holmes crime/drama. However, in the name of fairness I gave the show a chance and actually love it. It's (thankfully) not a carbon-copy of "Sherlock" and the two shows are two very different types of shows. While I still maintain that the show would've been far more interesting had they cast Sherlock as a woman as well, Lucy Liu is fantastic as Watson and Jonny Lee Miller's Sherlock Holmes is very different from Benedict Cumberbatch's while still maintaining the same personality of the original Holmes.
Hannibal – I am severely in love with this show. I have already been scouring fanfic archives to feed my very unhealthy obsession with it. I was, I admit, a teeny bit skeptical at first, but holy hell is this show fantastic. I can’t even put it into words properly, but it’s just so fucking awesome. The movies were awesome and I’ve sadly yet to read the books (I’ve been meaning to for years but I’m a horrible procrastinator) and now this seriously amazing TV show happens and… I’m a bit lightheaded from the amazingness. I really, really hope to write in this fandom soon.
(Pairings I've written – even just as side pairings – for are in bold, other pairings are in italics)
Morgan/Reid (my OTP. Those two are meant to be together)
Hotch/Reid (a close second)
Reid/JJ (before Will and Henry)
Hotch/JJ (again, before Will and Henry)
Morgan/Prentiss (Duh :P They would be awesome together)
Batman Begins/The Dark Knight:
Joker/Batman (this one isn't so much romantic as UST, but without the sex. Or with the sex. If it's angry sex. No lovey-dovey crap here please)
All canon couples plus
Draco/Harry (Because we all know Drarry is freakin' awesome!)
Sirius/Remus (This *so* happened at least once in canon)
James/Severus (Oh so wonderful)
Severus/Lilly (Because poor Snape deserved to get the girl)
Voldemort/Harry (…I have no excuse. I'm a sick person.)
And NO Twincest *shudders*
Iron Man: Armored Adventures:
Gene/Tony (because angsty slash is my own personal crack)
And NEVER EVER Tony/Whitney. NEVER.
10/Master (Don't give me that look, you were thinking it too…)
9/Rose (I can't pick between 9 and 10.5 as my favorite w/Rose, but I guess it doesn't matter… technically he's still the same guy.)
10/Martha(Because Martha totally deserved to be looked at like she was actually freakin' there!)
Jack/Ianto(the most adorable thing ever)
Owen/Tosh (One of the more tragically unexplored potentials)
Jack/John Hart (Um… Yeah… So… Like I said, angsty slash. It's always fun when they greet each other by making out and then proceed to try and kill one another)
Owen/Martha (Because seriously, her "fiancé" is never seen and they'd be adorable in a beautiful way)
And I also kind of liked Tosh/Mary even though Mary was an evil alien and it was only one episode… And I'm not a fan of Jack/Gwen. It's just... doesn't work. Weirdly, Gwen might be the only character I could never see with Jack under any circumstances.
John/Sherlock (You cannot even try to tell me that this isn't cannon. It is. They just haven't accepted it yet)
House/Wilson (They're friendship/love is amazing. Don't try to tell me they don't belong together)
I do not like anyone other than Wilson or Cuddy with House and I definitely prefer Wilson. I despise House/Cameron - actually, I just despise Cameron entirely. She was great in season 1, tolerable by season 2 and gradually she just became a totally unlikeable bitch.
And possibly others. Not sure. The only pairings I dislike in this fandom are any form of Wincest –shudders– and Angel-incest. Just because they're angels doesn't make the incest okay, people! /ranting/ Also, Bela/Dean = so not ever happening ever. Bela was a sociopathic, cold-hearted bitch of a Mary-Sue and I was so glad to see her go. And Sam/Amelia? Even WORSE. At least there was potential for Bela to be awesome (sadly wasted potential) but it's really like they're not even trying with Amelia-the-totally-perfect-in-every-goddamn-way-girl-with-the-eerily-similar-to-Sam's-past. I've never had an issue with any girl Sam's been with but Amelia is a blatant and irritating Mary-Sue and I want her eaten by a werewolf. Is that really too much to ask? /end rant/
Tony/Steve (don't tell me you didn't see it…)
Tony/Bruce (I also ship Tony/Bruce Wayne, just FYI)
Tony/Pepper (Yeah, yeah, yeah… I whore Tony out…)
Arthur/Merlin (It's so obvious it hurts)
Morgana/Gwen (I think this is the only femslash pairing I ship wholeheartedly)
(Again, the ones I've written for are bold and the other are italic)
Doctor Who/Criminal Minds:
11/Reid (also adorable. And I'd like to note: haven't technically written these YET, but they are coming so… yeah)
(And the Jack/Reid, Jack/Prentiss pairings go for CM/Torchwood crossovers as well, obviously. I'm just counting this as DW/CM because Jack was originally a DW character)
Dark Knight/Criminal Minds:
Joker/Reid (One very f-d up relationship… Like Harley Quinn, only it's Reid and he's not as crazy as Harley. And maybe not the Jester's costume… although…)
Jane/Reid (Someone please write this!!)
Owen/Martha (This would obviously be on my profile twice because Martha was also a DW character)
(And maybe a few others… IDK…)
Sherlock/Reid (I'll admit, this is pretty much only because I'd die if those two men got together...)
Sherlock/Prentiss (Because it'd be interesting and I can see it happening somehow)
John/Gideon (don't ask. I blame Beth)
Gabriel/Reid (all because Laura stumbled onto it looking for more Loki/Reid…)
Susan/Merlin (thanks for that, Laura…)
Loki/Reid (Yes, it's insane and crack-fueled. Also, FYI, not posted on here. That story is in my FB notes…)
Garcia/Bruce (tell me that's not perfect!)
Loki/Sam (reminds me of Samifer, what can I say?)
YOU HAVE NOW REACHED THE POINT IN THE PROFILE WHERE I PRATTLE ON ABOUT NON-IMPORTANT FANGIRLISH THINGS THAT PROBABLY HAVE LITTLE TO DO WITH MY FICS
-You have been warned-
Favorite Fictional Characters:
(Note: Only from Fandoms which I have written for. There are MANY more. And I limited myself to only one character per-fandom)
(in no particular order. And the term "fictional" is relative. They are all real in my head)
Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock)
The Doctor (Doctor Who)
Dr. Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds)
Patrick Jane (The Mentalist)
Sam Winchester (Supernatural)
Dean Winchester (Supernatural)
Dr. Gregory House (House, M.D.)
Dr. Owen Harper (Torchwood)
The Joker (Dark Knight)
Abby Scuito (NCIS)
Gil Grissom (CSI)
Priestly (Ten Inch Hero)
(Another Note: Yes, I put both Sam AND Dean on the list. 'Cos 1) they are a package deal and 2) I'm allowed to break my own rules. But I'm a total SamGirl, just for reference. Sam is MINE)
(A second "Another Note": Yeah, I haven't written for Ten Inch Hero and at the moment don't have plans to... but I fell in love with Priestly and couldn't not include him in the list. Again, allowed to break my own rules)
(in no particular order)
The Godfather Trilogy (although for fun I sometimes pretend the third movie doesn't exist because it was sub-par compared to the other two. A fact I mostly attribute to the lack of Tom Hagen)
X-Men movies (Origins is my favorite; Last Stand doesn't exist canonically in my head; First Class should never have been made)
Harry Potter movies (it CAN'T be over yet…)
Lord of the Rings trilogy (dying to see The Hobbit)
Iron Man movies
Sherlock Holmes/A Game of Shadows (Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law movies)
Batman Begins/The Dark Knight/Dark Knight Rises ("Nolanverse" – the epitome of epicness)
Ten Inch Hero
Mean Girls (I can quote this movie frontwards and backwards and have probably seen it over 100 times now…)
Doctor Who: The Movie
The Little Mermaid
The Lost Boys (the first and second - mostly the first)
A Knight's Tale
Pirates of the Caribbean
The Princess Bride
Silence of the Lambs
Red Dragon (although I seriously had nightmares...)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein
The Life of Brian
The Amazing Spiderman
And probably lots more that I can't think of at the moment…
Favorite TV Shows:
(in no particular order)
Iron Man: Armored Adventures
CSI (only the ones with Grissom, I haven't seen any post-Grissom episodes)
Without a Trace
Phineas and Ferb
Being Human (SyFy)
The Spectacular Spiderman
Blood Ties (I hate Lifetime for cancelling it!)
Wizards of Waverly Place (*sobs*)
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer (the very first vampires I ever loved… This show and the Harry Potter novels are my childhood)
The Amanda Show
The Fresh Prince of Bel Air (can you tell I miss the '90s?)
Big Bang Theory
And maybe a few more…
(in no particular order)
Harry Potter 1-7
The Mortal Instruments series (have yet to read City of Lost Souls)
The Infernal Devices series (have yet to read Clockwork Prince)
Th Godfather (fucking LOVE this book)
The Dresden Files (only just started reading this books but… goddamn it, I wish I'd discovered them sooner. Jim Butcher is a freaking amazing writer!)
Divergent (gonna lose my mind if I don't get to read Insurgent soon)
The Hunger Games (have only read the first book – looking to read the next books when I am able to get money)
Percy Jackson and the Olympians series
The Kane Chronicles
The Heroes of Olympus series
The Ink Trilogy
Anna Dressed in Blood (I am exceptionally excited about the sequel, Girl of Nightmares)
Artemis Fowl series
The Maximum Ride series (haven't read past... Fang I think. I pretty much read this series because it was simple and I never had to think. It's a guilty pleasure.)
The Catcher in the Rye (though the ending pissed me off)
Blood Books (by Tanya Huff)
The Tale of Despereaux
Sherlock Holmes stories (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is a genius. Pure genius.)
The Thief Lord
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein
Cirque Du Freak books (I've only read the first 4 and it's killing me)
Peter and the Starcatchers series
And so, so many more that I'd be typing 'til my fingers bled…
(Be warned that some of the material in the above mentioned rants and/or rambles may come across as offensive to certain fangirls and/or fanboys)
(Also, major SPOILERS ahead. Read with caution)
On the Subject of:
Now, as stated, this "rant" or "spiel" has been re-written. My opinions have not changed, my maturity level, however, has. (Also, the original rant was written at, like, 5 am while I was severely sleep deprived). Mostly, the edit was because I got bored, but it was also partly because I feel that some of my, err, "judgments" were a bit… more jumbled and confusing than I actually meant them and so here's an edited version of pretty much exactly the same thing.
For starters, I will say that, yes, I HAVE read every book in the Twilight Saga (more than once actually. I've read "Twilight" four times, "New Moon" twice, "Eclipse" twice and "Breaking Dawn" three times) so, no, I am not just hating on Twilight randomly – that's not cool. I don't care what my opinion is on something; don't hate what you have no knowledge of. Hell, YOU might love Twilight. So, for clarification, if you have never read any of the Twilight novels, I don't want to hear you bitching about them because you don't even know what you're talking about.
I discovered Twilight when I was fifteen years old – the book was a birthday gift from my mother who knew I loved vampires and saw a vampire novel in Wal-Mart, so she bought it for me. I was skeptical because I despise romance novels and Twilight looked like a romance novel disguised as a vampire novel. Still, I humored her and read it – and immediately fell maddeningly in love with Edward Cullen. It truly went beyond obsession and I read New Moon, then Eclipse and waited the agonizing months for Breaking Dawn (side note: my best friend almost ruined it for me because she told me Bella got pregnant before I was two chapters in).
My friends and I used to have arguments about Jacob vs. Edward (I was Team Edward all the way despite totally wanting to murder his ass in New Moon) – But the thing is, as much as I was obsessed with the books, there was always that voice in the back of my mind going "Bella Swan makes no fucking sense".
That voice was right.
So… to make this a bit shorter, I'll just tell you: I went to see the movie "Twilight" when it came out – annoyed a bit at all the girls who'd never read the books fawning over a supposedly hot guy (sorry, Robert Pattinson isn't my idea of attractive) and having no clue who the f*k the characters were. But they were minor annoyances compared to that shit-storm of a "movie". I don't really know what it was about the movie, honestly. The stiff dialogue, the see-through plot I wasn't able to grasp while reading, the rape-y dick vibes I got from Edward, the cold, "I have no soul or emotions" vibe I got from Bella… I dunno. But whatever it was, it sucked my love of Twilight away like it had never even existed. To this day, I cringe when admitting that I used to love those books because after seeing the movie, I found so many things wrong with them, so many issues I never considered before the movie. In short, I had my eyes opened to the crappy-ness of the Twilight Saga.
Now, I'm not saying that Twilight is awful (but, yeah, it kinda is), and I'm not saying that Twi-hards are idiotic teenage girls with no life ('cos goddamn it I know so many guys who love Twilight it's frightening). If you love Twilight, you love Twilight and I'm not here to convince you not to – you go right ahead and keep on loving it. We have a difference of opinion. I think Twilight sucks, but if you don't… *shrugs* Oh well.
And now for my list of grievances against the Twilight Saga:
(What? You thought I was just gonna say 'Twilight sucks' and move on? Oh no, I gots myself a f*king LIST people!)
Grievance No. 1: Bella's Lack of Personality
Quick girls, tell me, after reading "Twilight" – "Breaking Dawn" did you find it REMARKABLY easy to put yourself in Bella's shoes? Of course you did. You know why? Because her personality was about the equivalent of a dryer lint, that's why. She liked to read – apparently Jane Austen was one of her favorites. She was apparently smart – took AP Bio before moving to Forks. And… uh… well… Huh. What d'ya know? I have no clue what else to say that defines Bella. "She's clumsy" isn't a personality trait. I get it, she wasn't "normal" by teenage standards, she was more mature – so was I and a shit-ton of other teenage girls. She liked classical music and Linkin Park (Linkin Park was the band she listened to that she originally found too loud for her taste, but after listening to the CD several times she came to enjoy it. Yeah, I totally did my research people 'cos Stephenie Meyer never mentions Linkin Park by name in Twilight).
Anyway. The movie brought this into startling view for me when I watched Kristen Stewart clumsily and stiffly deliver her lines with dead eyes and almost zero facial movement. I was, at first, inclined to blame the shitty acting, but upon re-reading Twilight, I realized that, no, it wasn't just Kristen, it was Bella. Seriously. She was, like, dead inside or something. We hardly ever see Bella do anything other than go to school, homework, hang out with Jake a few times, fawn over/stalk/spy on/ogle Edward and occasionally she'd read stuff. Yeah, she went shopping with Angela and Jessica but she didn't want to – she was bored and only wanted to go get books (never even mentions WHAT books) from the book store. And there was that weird stint with the motorcycles in New Moon, but we'll get to that later.
Grievance No. 2: Bella's Creepy Attachment/Obsession with Edward is NOT love
I know some people will argue with me when I say this, but I don't care. In "New Moon" we see Bella get cut at her 18th birthday party at the Cullen's. This sets off Jasper, who is still the newest to the "vegetarian" life-style that the vampires lead. He nearly kills Bella and all the vampires (except Carlisle) must leave the house to avoid murdering poor, innocent Bella. Carlisle stitches Bella up. After this, Edward begins to freak because Bella almost died and he realizes that – Holy Shit – Bella and him being to together could be dangerous.
(Did they not cover this whole ridiculous and over-used vampire/romance plot-line in Twilight?)
Anyway, Edward reasons that he is bad for Bella and convinces his family that they must leave Forks to protect Bella and give her the normal life she deserves. (What the fuck, Edward? Didn't think to consider what Bella wanted? Just decided that you knew best, huh? Asshole).
He chooses the WORST possible way to do this, by leading her into the forest (dude, thought you said you wanted to protect her? Surely a mind-reading vampire has heard about the "bear" attacks in the woods. What the hell were you thinking?) and tells her that he is leaving for good. Bella tries to convince Edward to let her go with him – because she LOVES him goddammit – but Edward coldly tells Bella that he doesn't want her there. Then he fucking leaves her, broken and crying and alone in the middle of the forest where there have been mysterious "bear" attacks going on.
Now, first of all, Edward has told Bella a gazillion times that he thinks he's bad for her and their relationship is dangerous and she should really think this through more, so I consider it a dumb fucking move on Bella's part to believe Edward when he says "I don't want you to go with me," Seriously Bella? Were you just not listening to Edward when he talked about how much he was (creepily) in love with you?
But it's Bella's reaction to his leaving that truly pisses me off. According to Stephenie Meyer, Bella and Edward are each other's "one true love" (first, no such thing; second, even if there was THEY ARE CLEARLY FUCKING DOING IT WRONG) and so she wrote Bella's reaction to Edward's departure how she felt someone would feasibly react to losing their soul mate.
So… my question is: why does Stephenie Meyer think that losing your "one true love" means you turn into a zombie? Dude, if I was in love with someone to the creepy-beyond-fathomable-belief that Bella was Edward, I'd just hunt his ass down and MAKE him love me. (Side note: oh fuck, I just became Becky from "Supernatural")
Seriously though, Bella literally cannot function anymore with Edward gone. There's an entire section of "New Moon" which is comprised solely of pages with only the name of the month on them, signifying that… I dunno, Bella did NOTHING for those months? Her life was empty without Edward? *sighs* Apparently, it was so serious that Charlie was considering therapy and her "friends" (friends is in quotes because, guys, Bella didn't hang out with anyone other than the Cullens and, in New Moon, Jacob and the other wolves) were actually shocked when she spoke to them. They'd decided she was just going to be a zombie forever, that's how long she went without even TRYING to appear normal because she cared about nothing other than Edward.
That isn't love, that's obsession. No matter what frills and bows you put on it, it's never gonna be love. It's unhealthy and disturbing. And once she finally begins to emerge from her zombie-like state, she enters and even more terrifying and reckless stage of mental-instability. She starts hallucinating, for one thing. Thinking she sees Edward whenever her life is in danger. This prompts Bella to begin doing dangerous things. Namely, riding a motorcycle with Jacob and, eventually, cliff-diving.
That's a whole new level of mental-insanity. It's as close to actual self-harm as you can get without the ACTUAL self-harm. She is literally putting her life in danger so she can hallucinate Edward. Does that sound healthy to you? Or does it sound like she needs some serious counseling because that shit is not normal? To make matters worse, she actually does end up injuring herself and, near the end, almost drowning when she takes a dangerous (one might say almost suicidal, though, fine, Bella didn't jump with the intention of killing herself) dive off a cliff and is only saved thanks to Jacob.
HOW can they honestly get away with selling THAT insanity as a "love" story?
Grievance No. 3: Edward Cullen Is a Total Dick
Remember how I said I was a total Team Edward fan? Yeah. I cannot remember why. I think I blanked it out because I'm that ashamed of myself for ever liking that dick. First off, Edward is a vampire, fine. Whatever. I've read/watched a lot of vampires in literature/media. It's probably what originally attracted me to his character in the first place. (Note: I'll get to my opinion on the Sparklepyre in a few moments).
Being over 100 years old and having to drink blood does not give him an excuse to be a total ass. Seriously, Edward's a fucking dick. For starters, he realizes almost immediately how strong the call of Bella's blood is to him – so strong he was imagining hundreds of scenarios where he could kill her that first day in Biology (YES, I read the leaked chapters of "Midnight Sun" too). Yet he STILL approached her out of his own curiosity. He still let himself get near her.
And don't you dare say "Bella wanted the truth from him" or "Bella was looking into him". No. No, no, no. I don't care what Bella was doing, Edward knew how dangerously close he came to killing an innocent teenage girl and he still came back to Forks and sat next to her and decided "coping" was worth it. He can use whatever excuse he wants about not wanting to up-root his family and blah, blah, blah. It's all bull as far as I'm concerned because 1) They're vampires. They're used to moving around and for a situation this serious, it should have been the first thing they did and 2) He fully acknowledges that he was curious about Bella once he realized he couldn't see inside her mind so I maintain, he's a dick for putting his own curiosity and interest above the life of a teenage girl.
And even if you disagree with that, you can't disagree with the fact that Edward was a chauvinistic asshole. He treated Bella like she was his fucking possession. He told her where she was going to college (hell, he applied for her and she didn't even really want to go to college in the first place!), he told her she couldn't hang out with Jacob (and yeah, eventually he changed his mind and "allowed" her to – because Bella ran off and hung out with them anyway), he made Bella go to Prom even though she didn't want to, he refused to have sex with Bella because he believed sex before marriage was wrong and basically used that to bait her into marrying him, hell, he even decided what car she drove!
In short, the bastard controlled nearly every aspect of Bella's life and she LET him. She was weirdly fine with listening to whatever Edward wanted her to do. Way to go, Bella, women spend many, many years fighting to be treated as equals and you teach millions of teenage girls how to let a guy walk all over you – apparently if he's hot, it's totally fine.
Who the hell did Edward think he was? Dude, SHE'S 18! Why does she have to marry you before she can lose her virginity? Are you seriously telling me that in over 100 years of immortality you have NEVER had sex? That is even more messed up than Bella's obsession. C'mon, really, Stephenie Meyer? A 108 year old virgin vampire? That is beyond implausible for me. *clears throat* Anyway, off point a bit. Still.
Their entire relationship was just creepy and full of pseudo-rape-y/stalker vibes and completely unbalanced. Meyer's attempts at giving Bella a "strong" personality failed epically. She'd stomp her foot occasionally, but given Bella's apparent clumsy-ness she ended up hurting herself more than anything.
Grievance No. 4: The Edward/Bella/Jacob Love Triangle ISN'T a Triangle
Now this is something that really annoys me about the Twilight Saga. People, well, at least Twilight fans, constantly argue about who's better: Edward or Jacob? I'm not here to offer an opinion, though I already told you I was once Team Edward. (Objectively, Jacob is the better guy though, just in case you were wondering). But the thing is, WHY does it matter? There is NEVER a doubt in the reader's mind that Bella ends up with Edward. Jacob was friend-zoned from the very beginning.
I don't understand why people argue over who Bella should choose because Jacob was never on the table. He wasn't up for consideration. The fact that Bella and Jake were friends and that Edward didn't like Jacob and Jacob didn't like Edward doesn't make it a "love triangle". Bella was never in love with Jacob, though Jake had a crush on Bella. The only time she even minutely considers it is near the end of New Moon, when she thinks about kissing Jake, but doesn't because Alice shows up and she immediately goes in Edward-obsessed mode.
I feel so awful for Jacob because he was a decent, nice, friendly guy who was there whenever Bella needed him and she treated him like shit, honestly. She did not deserve Jacob. It makes it worse when you consider that Bella KNEW he was partially in love with her.
I can see what Meyer was trying to do here. Create an interesting drama with Bella having to choose between two great guys (failed a bit when only one of the guys was actually worth sticking with), but she never makes Bella choose because Bella is obsessively in love with Edward and probably wouldn't give Jake the time of day if he hadn't been the one to put her back together in New Moon. The intent at a love triangle was there, but the execution was anything but interesting. It was just annoying, really. Throwing Jacob into the mix for no other reason than to stir up drama – because, let's face it, there was little else in the way of plot in these books.
It would've worked and I would've enjoyed it if there had been any reasonable doubt that Bella would pick Edward. I don't care if she picked Edward or Jacob in the end, I care that the choice was actually a choice. It would've been much more awesome if Bella had, ya know, actually had to make a real decision for once where it concerned Jacob.
Grievance No. 5: Plot? Where is the plot?
This goes for all four books. They all read like rough draft – skeletons of a story that have yet to get the real meat in them. Seriously. Twilight, in a few words: A quiet, shy girl from Phoenix moves to Forks where a clan of vampires live. She falls in love with one of the vampires. [hundreds of pages of pointless talk/fluff/superfluous bullshit] Another coven of vampires passes through. One of them tries to kill Bella. Edward saves her. They go to prom. The end.
James' attack took place at the ass-end of the book. Until then, there had been NO hint of any actual antagonist at all. Most of Twilight is Bella stalking Edward or Edward stalking Bella until their mutual stalking of each other turns into "love". Then James attacks, then Edward swoops in and saves her, then the end. That's not plot, that… I dunno, but if *I* could write something like that when I was 12, then it's shit writing.
Then we come to New Moon. Summarized: Bella has a minor accident which leads to Edward and the Cullens leaving Forks. Bella becomes depressed and mopes for months. Bella becomes reckless to hallucinate about Edward. Bella almost kills herself, though Jacob saves her. Bella finds out Victoria (James' mate) wants her dead. [fucking came out of nowhere. "bear" attacks? Seriously?] Through a comical and totally fucking implausible series of events, Edward believes Bella has killed herself and his immediate reaction is to kill himself. Because there is no logic in this world, Bella and Alice immediately hop on a plane to Italy to stop Edward. They meet the Volturi. The Volturi demand Edward turn Bella into a vampire or she dies. Bella, through some conniving of her own, convinces the Cullens to agree to turn her. Edward tries to talk Bella into marriage. Jacob is blind to the fact that he's been horribly friend-zoned. The end.
Admittedly, more plot than Twilight. [New Moon is my favorite book in the series because it's the only one that has what might pass for an actual plot]
Eclipse: Bella's senior year. Blah, blah, blah. There are some issues with the wolves and the vampires. More blah. Murders in Seattle turn out to be Victoria back for revenge on Edward. She's building a vampire army. Graduation. More blah. The vampires and the werewolves decide to team up to fight the coming army of angry vampires. Blah. The fight happens. Shockingly [le gasp] Victoria turns up at the place where Bella's "hidden" with a young wolf, Seth. Seth and Edward kill Victoria and Riley [other stuff happens. Blah.] Oh, and Bella agrees to marry Edward so they can have sex. And Edward will turn Bella. The End. Blah. [Also, we NEVER get to see the vampire/wolf/vampire fighting! Damn it, they so missed a chance to use Bella as literal live bait there]
Breaking Dawn: Bella and Edward get married. Bella and Edward (finally) fuck. Bella is pregnant now. Edward wants to kill the baby. Jacob leaves the wolf pack. Jake wants to kill the baby too. Rosalie and Bella bonding. Edward and Jacob bonding. Edward hears baby thinking (super weird that it's thinking and he can HEAR it inside of her). Jacob feels all angsty. Bella has the baby. Bella gets turned into vampire. Jacob imprints on Renesmee (the baby, duh). (Also, CREEPY. Just, like, the whole concept of imprinting. Stephenie Meyer apparently lives in a world void of free choice). Anyway. Stuff happens. Not really interesting. Bella keeps prattling on about… I dunno. Vampire baby growth? Anyway. Alice warns them the Volturi are coming for Renesmee. Alice and Jasper leave. A bunch of vampires show up at the Cullens' and they all stand around pretending to be busy for a couple of months. The Volturi show up. Alice and Jasper return with a half human/half vampire child-thing. The Volturi leave WITHOUT even trying to start the fight they wanted to start. And there was something about Bella and a freaky mind-sheild thing that was totally ridiculous even by vampire-standards. Bella and Edward fuck. The end.
See what I mean. No plot. Just a lot of boring, ridiculousness that COULD be turned into a story with a few more added… anything to make it INTERESTING.
Grievance No. 6: The Sparklepyre
It's been said and said and said and I honestly don't think this is a real critique against the books, but it's something that just annoys me. Even when I was obsessed with Twilight, I despised the sparkling vampire. Seriously. Where the hell did Stephenie Meyer GET that?
I mentioned that I loved vampires, right? That the fact that there were vampires is probably the one reason I even read Twilight to start with? Good. Stick with me. I'm all for mixing up the traditional myths. Vampires don't have to be nocturnal, they don't have to be evil, they don't have to turn into bats or sleep in coffins or be killed with stakes to the heart or burn when holy water touches them. I'm cool with that stuff being shifted and played with.
But for the love of LUCIFER, who the hell told her that vampires could SPARKLE IN THE SUN? That is the most ridiculous, half-assed excuse for "vampires are nocturnal and don't like the sun" that I have ever read. And I've read some really weird ones, trust me.
Honestly, Stephenie Meyer ruined vampires in my eyes. She took their mystery, their scariness, everything. And she turned them into sparkling douche bags that drive Volvos and stalk teenage girls. It's NOT okay for vampires to SPARKLE. Come on, Stephenie Meyer, wasn't there ANYTHING else you could've come up with for why vampires don't come out in the sunlight? Seriously. ANYTHING has to be better than "I fucking glitter"
Another thing about these vampires I despise is how annoyingly emo they are. "Waa, being a vampire sucks. Immortality is awful. I'm a MONSTER!!"
No shit, Sherlock, so quit crying and fucking act like it because your whining is grating on my nerves. *rolls eyes* It's so goddamn cliché it's not even funny anymore. I am SICK of the whole "I'm just a misunderstood monster" thing in the vampire genre. Dude, grow a pair, alright? I get it, being a vampire isn't easy, but life isn't fair and instead of whining about the fact that (at least in Meyer's universe) you're the equivalent of a GOD, you shut up and appreciate what you DO have. Gawd.
Anyway. This is getting really long so I'll just end it here. I have other issues with Twilight, but I still kinda think that with more work, a few extra plot details and a SHIT-TON more character development, the Twilight Saga could maybe actually be worthy of the insanity some of the fangirls and guys are capable of. Maybe not, but I guess we'll never really know, will we?
On the Subject of:
I have to warn you… I am a Harry Potter freak and nothing you say will make me ever back off; if you insult it, I'll murder you in your sleep and that's the only warning I'll give you. Heh, yeah, I'm so not crazy…
Anyway, this is likely more a ramble than a rant so be prepared for babbling incoherentness… I am obsessed with Harry Potter, have been since I was 9 years old. I didn't read the books in the right order though.
I started with the third book (Prisoner of Azkaban) then went on to read the second (Chamber of Secrets) when I was nine years old… The next year, when I was almost eleven, I got the fourth book (Goblet of Fire) and read it… Then I read the fifth and sixth (Order of the Phoenix and The Half Blood Prince) before FINALLY picking up the first book (The Sorcerer's Stone –or, outside of the US, The Philosopher's Stone.) Quick question… WHY the two different titles? I don't get it…
And then I settled in for the agonizing wait for the seventh and final book (The Deathly Hallows). I was at Wal-Mart the day it came out, at one or two in the morning, buying that book. And I was bawling my eyes out before I'd finished the second chapter. JK Rowling was especially cruel in Deathly Hallows…
Let me explain, I spent half of my life (I'm 20 years old) obsessing over Harry Potter, waiting for the next book, the next movie, the next DVD… needing a new fix. And I read the last book and once I turn that last page, it's all over. I literally got a bit sick reading GoF. That graveyard scene was horrible for a ten (almost 11) year old to read. But Cedric's character wasn't very well known, so there were no tears… there was constant chatter in my mom's ears about when we were going to go get see the new movie, when the new movie was coming out… And since I am the only person in my house to have read the books, I spoiled everything for them. It's what they get for only watching the movies (as epic as the movies were)
In OoTP I cried like a baby at the end, that was the most horrible, unexpected death ever. I loved Sirius with all my heart, I truly did. And then he's gone within a few paragraphs? They don't even have a body? That's cruelty like no other. I told myself all through the 5th movie, 'I am not gonna cry. I am not gonna cry' and what happened? I cried. I cried even though I KNEW it was coming, even though I knew it was going to happen, I sobbed like a child. That's how obsessed I am. It's scary, honestly.
I went through so many ups and downs reading these books… I got caught up in the characters, in their lives, nervous about their romantic relationships, their futures, whether or not they'd make it through the war with Voldemort and his Death Eaters… I alternately hated Snape and grudgingly trusted him. After all, he was a hard character to read. I wanted Dumbledore to be right, I mean, he's Dumbledore, after all. But at the same time, Snape was always a sort of iffy character. So in the sixth book, I was screaming every swear word I knew at Draco Malfoy (stupid prat) and Severus Snape (the murdering git)
I cried even harder after the numbness went away. I mean HOW could Jo Rowling really do that to us readers? How could she martyr Dumbledore like that? He was amazing and honest and decent and kind and … he dies. At the hands of a man he was supposed to be able to trust. I cannot begin to describe my pain and fury. I wanted Severus Snape dead and I wanted Draco Malfoy grinded into little tiny pieces of flesh… to then be fed to the Giant Squid (if the Giant Squid is a carnivore… I'm not really sure)
So… I waited impatiently for Deathly Hallows. I rocked back and forth like a lunatic the day before its release. I wanted that book at all costs, no matter what; I HAD to have that book. It was a desperate need, like air or food or… whatever other things people need to survive.
I get the book and I try to read it as slowly as humanly possible because I know that once I complete it, there are no more books left to read. The unfortunate thing… I couldn't put the damn thing down, it was impossible. I wanted to know what happened next, I was so caught up in the entire thing, I had to force myself to take breaks for bathroom and eating. I had it read in a day. So much for taking things slow. And I've got to say, it was horrible. I was angry, I was sad, I was happy, I was… I was so damn depressed.
I sobbed constantly reading that book; I curse JK Rowling for her amazing talents of evil cruelty. So unfair to reduce me to a quivering mass of tears and guilt and anger. Why did Snape have to die when I find out that I was totally wrong? I never should have doubted Dumbledore; of course he knew what he was doing. And why the hell am I feeling sorry for a jerk like Malfoy? Oh… because he's a human being too and has feelings and could no more commit murder than he could stand up to Voldemort? Damn. I was wrong about him too…
And why did Hedwig have to die? What was the point of that incredible sadism? To prove that no one is safe? Really? It was obvious without poor Hedwig's demise, JK Rowling. You could've spared me that pain for the love of whatever god is out there!! And then Mad-Eye. Poor Mad-Eye, I cried then too. I loved him! He was so… I don't know how to explain him, but he was fantastic and he died and it made me sad.
There was a moment of sheer horror there when I thought Hagrid had been killed. I nearly screamed. That almost killed me but then I breathed a sigh of relief, Hagrid was alright. All is well… Then people just start dying left and right. It's not always important who, but some were so heart wrenching… Ted Tonks, Tonks' father. That made me sad, but I didn't cry, I hardly knew his character. Dobby was the worst. That was just plain evil, I tell you. What did poor, innocent little Dobby do to deserve death? Help Harry and his friends? Well that's hardly wrong! Couldn't he have been spared?
Why would JK Rowling do this to me!!? It's so unfair! And then Remus and Tonks and Collin Creevey (I was so not expecting any of those, it tore me to pieces when Harry saw their bodies…) And… F–Fred… *sobs* WHY! WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO!!! You took George's other half, his twin, you killed him!! That was more than evil, that… that was something so vile and wrong and cruel that there isn't a word for it! I actually had to re–read that entire section twice to make sure that I wasn't misunderstanding. Fred Weasley had died. After that, I closed the book for a couple of hours and just mourned all of the deaths, staring at the stupid orange dust cover like it was Satan Incarnate or something similar…
Of course, I had to finish the book. I had to know what else happened, how it ended. I can't tell you how worried I was that it was going to end badly. Normally, I have faith in the happy ending at the end of the dark tunnel, but… this time I wasn't sure if anyone would make it out alive. I was terrified. Completely terrified. What if she killed Ron? Or Hermione? Or Luna, or Ginny or Neville or… God forbid, Mrs. Weasley? I mean… she'd already taken Fred, who else was going to go?
And then it happened. Severus Snape died. And I CRIED. I sobbed like a two year old whose mother took her ice cream. I felt so guilty; I hated myself for mistrusting Snape. I hated myself for wishing that Snape would just die. Because all this time I'd been hating him and HE WAS INNOCENT. Damn it. How freakin' unfair is that? Did she really have to kill him right when I realized that I was wrong and he was the man Dumbledore said he was? Really?
Of course, I was nothing but nerves as Harry went out to the forest, that whole scene was heart breaking. Especially after seeing Snape's memories and feeling so bad for him that I sort of wanted to dislike James… though, I could never hate Harry's father, though it seems he was a jerk in his younger years. As was my beloved Sirius… How cruel is that? To turn things around on me so horribly that I want to punch myself? Totally wrong! I was angry.
(*Deep breath*) Anyway, after reading the book and slowly coming out of my catatonic state, I realized… it was over. Really and truly over. And I almost cried again. I wanted more, I wanted so much more. What happens after the Epilogue and between? How do Harry and Ginny raise Ted? What exactly is Harry doing for a living and are Neville and Luna together? LOL, sorry… I love the idea of those two together, I can't help it, they're adorable ;)
I suppose that's why I began obsessively waiting for the movies after that… But the last movie has now been released and I have nothing to look forward to anymore… It's a horrible, horrible thing to realize. I'm going through severe withdrawals, I NEED my Harry Potter fix, watching the moves and re–reading the books isn't enough anymore. I want something new *sobs* I clearly am way too obsessed…
Maybe this is a little biased, but I saw it somewhere and agree… Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was the end of an era. Breaking Dawn was the end of an error.
X) Sorry, I couldn't resist… And seriously, you all know it's true. No matter how much I liked Twilight, Harry Potter will forever remain the single greatest piece of written literature the world will ever see. At least, in my eyes. One day, I firmly believe it will be taught in schools as a classic…
On the Subject of:
Switching gears again, I suppose…
Uh… Look, I've got to warn you, I OBSESS over Harry Potter, but Criminal Minds? It's more of a, um… total lifestyle. Heh, I'm more than obsessed. Nah, I'm just kidding. Seriously… It's not like I bought every season on DVD and sneak off to watch whenever I can. It's definitely not like I have imaginary conversations with Spencer Reid and dream about meeting him one day. And I totally do not spend several hours a day on FanFiction simply for the purposes of getting a new fix because I'm between seasons and re-runs aren't helping. Nope. Not at all.
Did I also mention that I'm a two-faced liar? Oh, well… sorry. I am.
The funny thing about me… I can never have too many obsessions, seriously. And Spencer Reid… He's up there high on that list. I am fascinated by his beautiful, awesome powers of excellence. Seriously, Matthew Gray Gubler is smexy. And only 12 years older than me, I'm sure it could work out if we tried XD Yeah, because that didn't sound like some insane stalker, did it? LOL… So I'm crazy. Sue me.
(Please don't actually sue me… I have no money; I'm flat broke, honest!! I doubt you'd be able to collect a nickel…)
Anyway, I discovered Criminal Minds thanks to my Grandma (the most awesome woman in the ENTIRE world. I love her!) She was watching an episode while I was visiting called "Amplification"
So, obviously, I started watching it with her and found the quirky Dr. Reid to be absolutely mesmerizing. I didn't get to see the end; I only got to the part where Reid was being taken away in the ambulance coughing up blood from the Anthrax poisoning… My Grandpa (who will bite your hand off it you try to take the remote from him) turned the channel then and my Grandma looked at me and said "Well, it looks like they're gonna kill him off, doesn't it?"
I could have killed her for that. In less than half an hour, I'd fallen in love and she says THAT? Not cool, Grandma, not cool at all. *Pouts*
So, obviously, I had to find out what really happened. I caught up on all four and a half seasons in two months, cramming in marathons on TV, buying what DVDs I could and catching the rest online. I talked about it non–stop, rambling and quoting the show. Anything someone said was subject to be interpreted as something that had once happened on Criminal Minds. But is that my fault? Nope. I blame CBS and Matthew Gray Gubler for being so awesome. (MGG is awesome… CBS… as of now, idiots who make too many mistakes and treat actors like crap)
Anyway… I also couldn't help but love Garcia… She reminds me so much of my friend Beth ;) I talked so much about CM that eventually Angie started watching and Beth did too (I'm not sure how far she's gotten just yet though…)
I got my whole family to watch and now they all like it. My mom doesn't usually like Crime shows; they're, in her opinion, "too graphic" or something… But she used to watch CM :D HA, I win, LOL (Though, she refuses to watch anymore… It apparently giver her nightmares 0.o I'll never understand my mother…)
I've got to say… those CM writers… they're horrible to Reid. And I love it… I am a huge fan of angst and whump and trauma of any kind and putting all of that crap on poor Reid's shoulders just makes me so happy, I don't care how crazy I sound. First, his mother's a Paranoid Schizophrenic, then his father abandons him at ten and he's severely bullied in high school because he was TWELVE when he graduated and then, he makes it to the BAU where he's a magnet for psychos and serial killers.
Seriously, Reid can't catch a break. I love the episodes where an UnSub points a gun at his head, threatens him, takes him hostage or is just mean to him. He looks like some kid, not an FBI agent. And that's why he's so awesome. He looks weak and vulnerable (but smexy) and so the UnSubs think that he is, but they're wrong. Idiots. Why don't you listen to 'Don't judge a book by its cover' LOL
My FAVORITE episode, though, is probably a favorite of every insane Reid fan: "Revelations" I sort of wish Tobias had escaped so that he could come back later to screw with Reid, but Reid shooting him was good too I suppose. I just loved how that whole episode panned out brilliantly. It proved that Reid is capable of surviving and he is a strong, brilliant character. Though I have to confess, the torture was great, but I could've done without the drug addiction. It nearly killed me… I could hardly stand to see Reid in such bad shape, it was heartbreaking!
And the Owen Savage episode? Brought tears to my eyes to hear about some of the bullying he'd faced in his past :'( That was so horrible, but the scene where he confessed to Morgan was beautiful. I absolutely loved it! I adore their friendship more than any other on the show. Morgan and Garcia have a great bond and I LOVE their flirting, and I love how sweet Reid and JJ are together, but Morgan and Reid take the cake for sure.
They have such a great brotherly bond on the show and their relationship is so honest and real… *sighs* It's that 'bromance' that is the complete and total basis of my Morgan/Reid obsession. *Drools* Those two sexy men together… Heaven.
Heh, but, uh, apparently, the writers are in denial about that little tidbit, so unfortunately, the Morgan/Reid awesomeness only goes on behind the scenes and on FanFiction. Ah well, I have a very vivid imagination, so I suppose it'll have to do until I can get the writers to listen to my insanely rambling emails LOL
I think my family has become immune to my rambles on Criminal Minds, they simply ignore me and tune me out so I'm now forced to ramble on incoherently to my friends. I'm sure eventually they'll get the message and watch Criminal Minds just so that they can actually understand what the hell I'm going on about at all hours of the day ;P
On the Subject of:
Oh what can I say about Doctor Who? Urm… I'm seriously obsessed. It's even more unhealthy than my obsession with Harry Potter and that… that is saying something. Also… can I just say I hate you Laura, because I now have even less time in my day. I've already watched and re-watched so many episodes that I think my head could explode :D
So… If you guys haven't realized this from reading anything else on this incredibly long, drawn out, random and probably annoying profile, I'll tell you now: I am a nerd. 150%, no doubt about it. Nerd, nerd, nerd. And also a bit of a geek too XD But you already knew that, didn't you? LOL I think it's safe to say that "normal" is not a word I identify with. As Grandma Aggie (from Halloweentown) says, "Being normal is vastly overrated,"
Science fiction is amazing and I love it and I love, love LOVE Doctor Who because, seriously, greatest Sci-Fi EVER to be in existence. And yes, I mean that literally. Better than Star Wars and Star Trek (ugh, I hate Star Wars…) I still haven't watched much of the classic Doctor Who from the 60s, but I definitely plan on it. I want to see it all, watch every episode I can possibly get my hands on because it's an addiction that must be fed at least twice daily.
Seriously, I watched series 3 (most of it anyway) through series 6 (including the specials after series 4) in 5 and a half days (give or take a few hours for eating, sleeping and other "necessities"). And it was brilliant :D All of that, just to watch the Christmas special and not be confused. And can I just say that although Matt Smith is an amazing actor and I adore the 11th Doctor, I literally cried when David Tennant said "I don't want to go," and then regenerated. *sobs* I miss him, the 10th doctor is definitely my favorite, it's not even a contest.
In less than a week I saw the Master take over the Earth with "Toclafane" (which, by the way, seriously broke my heart) and then get shot by his wife (which also broke my heart. I was crying with the Doctor when he refused to regenerate) I saw Rose, Sarah Jane, Mickey, Jackie, Captain Jack, Martha, Donna and K-9 all together in one episode, I saw two David Tennants on screen at the same time (and cried for joy when Rose and the Doctor duplicate kissed… though I was slightly ticked off that he still never said out loud where I can hear, "I love you,")
My heart broke for poor Martha, travelling around with the most brilliant, fantastic man in the universe and he pretty much looked right through her because he was still getting over Rose. I saw The Doctor get married (and it was wonderful) and then die all in just a few minutes… So many fantastical, wonderful, unbelievable things and I saw it all in less than a week.
So yes, obsessed isn't quite the right word for it. Consumed, adoring, transfixed. None of them work either. I can say with absolutely certainty that if the Doctor ever did show up in my town I'd leave my entire life behind in a heartbeat because… well, do I really need to explain that one? *starry eyed*
Ahem… But anyway…
I've gotten a little *too* into TV shows before, but never this badly. During the episode with the fob watch I was strangling air and crying and screaming. My throat hurt so much after that episode. It was so horrible and sad and heart-wrenching. And every second The Master was on screen, my heart did a little dance for joy because I am insane. I love when there are really, really awesome villains, but the Master (as played by John Simm and Eric Roberts – the only two incarnations of the Master I have seen thus far) is so much more than just an epic "bad guy". I feel sorry for him, and that's a rare thing. Usually the villains I love are because they're just completely evil, but the Master is about a trillion times more complicated than that…
It was sort of like if the tenth Doctor had an insane twin. That's the Master. He was the Doctor, only… insane. And I LOVED that. All that insanity bursting out of him… Scarily, he sort of reminded me of my cousin… except she's never heard constant drum beats in her head or tried to take over, well… everything. Not that she wouldn't if you gave her the chance. Like I said, she's insane :D
Anyway… Yeah. Completely insane. Although, I was kind of sad that the Doctor was "aged" in those episodes. Wasn't exactly the most appealing method of restraining him. Seriously, he had a laser screw driver, he could've just tortured him (oh, listen to me, now you all know I'm insane too…) or… well a million other things. But instead he made him, like, 100 years old. *pouts* Although, when he forced him to age all 900-some-odd years of his life at once… the Doctor came out looking kind of like Dobby from Harry Potter and I couldn't help but laugh (again, you can almost see my insanity)
And can I just say that as obsessed as I am about Harry Potter, I didn't dream about it until after the 4th movie and with Criminal Minds I don't think I've had more than one dream about that show so far. Or the Mentalist. All huge obsessions with me. But Doctor Who… I've been having dreams about since I finished series one of the revival. That's unprecedented. And amazing. Because that's how awesome Doctor Who is. I've even turned my 11 year old sister in a Whovian :P She loves it and begs to watch it with me every day.
My mom, unfortunately, cannot be swayed to say "TARDIS" and instead has decided that the Doctor flies around in a Porta-Potty. *grumbles* That woman lives to make me angry, I swear. I can't seem to make her understand that the TARDIS is NOT a toilet *shudders* I couldn't even imagine the horror…
So… basically… I'm now saving enough money to buy Torchwood on DVD, a sonic screw driver (don't know why, but I HAVE to have one) and… well, anything else "Doctor Who" I can find :D
And now, I think I have to get back to watching Doctor Who Confidential…
The moral of this story, boys and girls, is that if you already have too many obsessions, I wouldn't recommend watching Doctor Who… but since I believe you can never have too many addictions… WATCH DOCTOR WHO OR THE DALEKS WILL EXTERMINATE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
On the Subject Of:
What I'm about to say is something that I never, ever thought I would say. Supernatural has become my absolute, without-a-doubt favorite show, somehow managing to surpass Criminal Minds. Now, I still obsess over Criminal Minds to an unhealthy degree, but somehow, when I wasn't quite paying attention, Supernatural creeped up there and placed itself in the number one spot. In all the time I've been watching Criminal Minds, I never thought that would ever happen, but it did and it happened with Supernatural.
I have become enamored with Supernatural, with the story lines, with the characters, with just about everything about the show. I could probably sit down and write several essays about why I love characters, about angels, about demons, hell, I could write an entire essay about just Lucifer himself and why he's my favorite of all the angels. And that's not even considering how long I could go on about the things I *didn't* like.
Yes, there are plenty of things for me to complain about, because amazing, brilliant and wonderful as it is, Supernatural isn't any more perfect than any other show that I watch. There are characters in the show that, whenever they're in an episode, I get distracted by just how much I despise them *cough*Amelia*cough*. I hated a lot of what happened in season 7, which sounds a bit strange given that it's my favorite season (tied with season 5). The fact that Sam and Dean didn't drive the Impala, the way Castiel's story arc was handled, Frank and his annoying paranoid self grew old after a while and when Bobby died I wanted to murder people.
But there has never been a show that has gotten such a violently emotional reaction from me (not even Sherlock has been able to do that and I freaked out watching that show).
Honestly, my reactions went a bit like this:
Season 1: Holy shit this show is AMAZING!
Season 2: What the hell just happened? I can't breathe!
Season 3: That didn't just happen. There's no way that just happened.
Season 4: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WHY!?!
Season 5: I can't feel my emotions anymore.
Season 6: What the fuck is going on? WHY?
Season 7: This… is… my mind is blown.
Season 8: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS HOPE!!
Supernatural really knows how to push my buttons and pull at my heart. It's entirely not fair, but it's impossible for me to not watch it. It can be awful, it can be painful, it can be damn depressing and infuriating at times, but I can't stop watching it. It's just an amazing show.
I love the Winchesters. Yes, ALL of them. I love Sam, I love Dean, I love John, I love Mary, I love Adam Milligan. I never expected to fall in love with characters who are only present in a handful of episodes at best, but I love them. Samuel, on the other hand, I hated from the time he came back from the dead. That old man pissed me off so many times I couldn't help but cheer when Sam killed the son of a bitch.
Not to mention, I love the show's villains as well. Lucifer is probably my favorite, just because he was so awesome and because, unlike nearly every other angel, he actually happened to make sense and could articulate what he was doing and why without saying that it was because his dad said to. He was evil, sure, but he was evil in a way that actually made sense. I find myself missing Azazel sometimes because he was really interesting too and I loved Meg from the beginning. I really hope she isn't dead. Crowley, however, is right up there with Luci. I don't think it's possible for me to love Crowley more and I really, really want him to be around for a while. (Long live the King, lol)
And, obviously, I love the "good guys" as well. Sam and Dean stole my heart from the very first episode and there is something so compelling about their relationship and the way that they care about each other and look out for each other. (And no, that relationship is NOT sexual. No offense to Wincest supporters, but incest is disgusting and there is no way to convince me otherwise)
I will admit that I am a SamGirl through-and-through. Several friends have told me that I'd probably give crazy Becky a run for her money. (Which is kinda scary, if you think about it) I really fell head-over-heels for Sam Winchester from the moment I saw him and the more I watched, the more I loved him. Don't get me wrong, I adore Dean and he is amazing and I love Cas, but there's something about Sam that makes him stand out.
Sam's just, in my opinion, a remarkable character. He's smart, he talented, he's compassionate, he's stubborn, he's self-righteous, he's afraid to ask for help, he doesn't like to admit when he's wrong. He's screwed up, tainted, twisted and does everything he can to prove that he is a good person. He made all the wrong choices for all the right reasons. He felt like an outsider in the whole world, in his own family, and he still did everything he could to save them. He fought to prove himself, both to his father and to his brother. He jumped into Hell to save a world he didn't even think he belonged in. And that is why I love Sam Winchester. Yes, he screwed up royally on more than one occasion; yes he's done and said things that were morally and ethically wrong. But say whatever you want, he always did it with good intentions.
And that's just Sam. I really could go on forever about how amazing Bobby, Cas and Dean are and how much I loved John. Every character on the show – or at least the majority of them – are remarkable and unique and amazing. There are actually only a few characters I truly despised enough to not want them around at all. (Bela, Anna, Amelia, Uriel, Raphael)
The show is an emotional rollercoaster that has repeatedly ripped my heart out, scared me to death and constantly made me shed tears when I didn't want to shed tears. I honestly didn't used to be this emotional about this kind of thing, not until I watched Supernatural and the Winchesters stole my heart. I don't think I could stop watching it even if I wanted to.
And I will warn you now, if you've never watched the show, but are considering it, don't get attached to supporting characters because that will be your downfall. You should just assume, whenever they introduce a character you like, that they die or turn evil. Or turn evil and then die. You only think that I'm kidding.
On the Subject Of…
Mary Morstan: A Sherlock Holmes Rant
Okay, this rant… I'm going to be totally honest. I despise Mary Morstan with a fiery passion. Now, hear me out, I hate a lot of characters in a lot of fandoms, but I can give you reasons for why I dislike most of them. I cannot give you any reason – at least any logical, real reason – for my hatred of Mary Morstan.
It's entirely irrational and holds true no matter what incarnation she's in. I just hate her. There is nothing about her that I should hate. In the original ACD stories, Mary was introduced as a young woman trying to find her father. She was kind, quiet and exceptionally understanding but from the moment John decided he liked her, I hated her. I found myself violently wanting her to die for absolutely no reason.
Seriously, the woman has no actual faults – none that are worth hating her over. She put up with John's friendship with Sherlock all those years and never told John he couldn't see Sherlock anymore – it was technically John who drifted away from Sherlock and had nothing to do with Mary whatsoever. But I still despised her. I was unimaginably thrilled that John apparently forgot about her existence after "The Final Problem".
John and Mary were married at the time – although Mary doesn't make an actual appearance in this story, John mentions her – and at the end, Sherlock dies and John goes back home. Then Sherlock is resurrected in "The Adventure of the Empty House" and John moves back in with Sherlock, conveniently never again mentioning Mary Morstan or the fact that they had been married and that he totally just chose Sherlock over her.
I have a theory (read: crack-filled lunacy) that Mary was possibly eaten by the crack in Amy Pond's wall, thereby erasing her from existence. Kidding, kidding. My actually theory (because I haven't really looked too deep into the matter myself) is that ACD, who was notorious for hating research and spent an entire story calling John by the name James instead, probably either forgot that John had married Mary, or decided it was just more convenient to pretend she didn't exist than to actually explain her absence.
Either way, I was glad to see her go because I was screaming at her from the second she appeared.
I think it's probably because she separated John and Sherlock. Not by forcing John away from Sherlock, obviously, but just by existing and marrying John, she took away Sherlock's other half and broke up the perfect partnership. So I hated her.
And, like I said, it's not just in the stories. I hated the character of Mary Morstan in the recent movies as well – from the moment she was on screen I was rooting for Sherlock to break up their engagement.
By all rights I should have been crying for the opposite because any sane woman in her right mind would have told John that either Sherlock had to go or she was. Mary didn't do that – it was John who insisted that his life and partnership with Sherlock be cut off by the marriage and it was John who decided to stop working cases with Sherlock. Mary had little to do with any of that. And Sherlock was a complete ass to her on… every occasion that they met.
You can't blame Mary for being annoyed by him – he ruined her wedding in the second movie and proceeded to also ruin her honeymoon AND throw her off a moving train, kidnap her new husband and leave her in the company of MYCROFT.
And yet I still cheered when Mary fell screaming from the train into the water. And Mary still gave me no reason to hate her – she put up with Mycroft (and while this Mycroft was a bit kinder than the Mycroft from "Sherlock" he was still… eccentric and I'd have lost my mind with him) and all of Sherlock's antics and STILL praised Sherlock in the end after his "death" and never, ever told John to end the seriously fucked up friendship of his.
But I hate her. Irrationally and for no goddamn reason whatsoever, I hate Mary Morstan and absolutely wish she would just vanish like she did in the stories. I shouldn't feel the way I do, but I can't change the fact that no matter how I look at it, Mary broke up a beautiful (messed up, screwed up, totally unhealthy and homoerotic) friendship and no matter how amazingly understanding, kind, sweet and interesting she is, I just hate her for it.
Does that make me petty? I think it does… Huh.
On the Subject of…
"It's just a book/movie/TV show"
Most of these rants and/or rambles are about the fandoms and characters that I love (or don't love) and as you may have noticed, I tend to be a bit obsessive. Or more than a bit, I suppose, depending on how you look at it and also where you are on the fucked-up-fangirl crazy scale yourself. I hear the phrase "It's just a movie/book/TV show," constantly and have to say, frankly, I'm sick of hearing it. If you find my emotional attachment obsessive and/or possibly creepy, then I don't care. Simple as that.
Obviously, I'm not saying that everyone should become emotionally attached to characters that aren't real, what I'm saying is that it's not a bad thing and I'm sick of hearing people tell me that it is.
To get this out of the way: I know very well that the Harry Potter books are just that. I know that Supernatural is just a TV show and I know that there is no actual chance of the Doctor landing the TARDIS in my backyard because the Doctor is a fictional character on a Science Fiction television show.
That being said: I AM ALLOWED TO FANTASIZE.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with becoming engrossed into a fandom (or, in my case, multiple fandoms). Reality sucks sometimes, it does. It's boring, it's stressful, it's a pain in the ass and sometimes people just need a way to escape from it all. My escape is in my fandoms. Reading, watching or writing for them. That's how I escape from the soul-crushing thing that is "reality".
So if I say that I'm going to marry Spencer Reid, or that one day I'm gonna travel the Universe with the Doctor, don't tell me "It's just a TV show". Let me have my moment of fantasy, alright? It what we fangirls and fanboys have. I joke that Sam Winchester is mine, I laugh and say that my letter to Hogwarts got lost in the mail (it SO did!!). I will tell people that I am prepared to go full on Hunger Games on their ass if they even THINK about making a move on whatever fictional character it is that they think they can have that actually belongs to me.
I'm not an idiot: I know they aren't real and that I don't really own them.
But don't tell me to calm down because you're basically asking me to step away from the thing that helps me to cope with the never ending awfulness of real life.
Yes, I get emotionally involved with characters, I cried reading "Deathly Hallows" and I scream at the TV whenever a character does something stupid. I physically abuse my books for the same reason. Yes I am passionate and argue about things that seem pointless to argue about – like the merits of a certain character or even a certain pairing that I support. And I will defend the characters I love and on occasion I've been known to get so upset over something that happens in a story that I am rendered unable to speak anything except variations of the words "fuck" "shit" and "damn" for a few hours.
I have nearly screamed myself hoarse watching emotional/upsetting scenes in my favorite shows and I mourn the deaths of characters from fandoms. I celebrate characters' birthdays (not with, like cake and stuff, but with fanfictions and marathons). I am a fangirl and I am proud to be one.
I know that it's all a story, all fictional, but I CARE about these characters and these people and that's what matters to me. Sometimes the characters in a book can be my best friends, sometimes someone in a movie can make me smile when no "real" person I know can. I've lived my life with some characters, grown up with them, fallen in love and been heart broken by them. That's not a bad thing, it doesn't make me insane or crazy or nuts or whatever else you want to call it.
I get offended on characters' behalves, I will go into full-on debate mode about plot-lines and character arcs and I will squee at the cuteness that makes me happy. And I am sick and tired of being told that it's not real and I need to calm down.
No I don't. It's the other people that need to take the sticks out of their asses and realize that it isn't a crime to have fun. I can joke around about the things I love, I can pretend that the Doctor is real if I want, I can get excited about a new season of Supernatural and I can drool over Spencer Reid all I want. It's not hurting me and it's not hurting them. So if you don't like my obsessive, fangirl ranting go somewhere else and please, please don't ever tell me that I'm crazy because of my love of fandom. I embrace my nerdy, fangirl ways and I will scream my love of my fandoms 'til I'm blue in the face.
On the Subject Of:
I'm going assume that most you already know what I'm talking about whenever I mention "Swan Song". For those of you who do not, I'll explain. Swan Song is the culmination of Eric Kripke's story about Sam and Dean Winchester and the season 5 finale of Supernatural. It isn't the end of Supernatural because the show was picked up for a sixth (then seventh and eighth) season. However, it is where Eric Kripke (the evil genius behind Supernatural and Sam and Dean) intended for the story to end.
Everything from the pilot episode forward had been leading to that episode, the ultimate climatic bang to end all climatic bangs. Watching the show as I did (in order from the pilot episode forward without skipping a single episode and cramming half a season into a day) I could feel the suspenseful buildup as the story progressed. It was always, to me, a much larger story than just Sam and Dean hunting monsters. Whether or not other fans felt that, I don't know because I was not there from day one (a fact I totally regret, but in my defense, I never heard of the show until it was in its third or fourth season anyway!). They probably did, and in fact, probably felt it more powerfully than I did considering they watched it all spaced out over years. The same way the suspense was super powerful reading "Deathly Hallows" for those of us fans who'd been reading the series most of our lives.
Back on point, I'm not complaining so much as I am babbling on about my fangirl emotions and how Kripke killed them. Before I discovered Supernatural, I maintained that Steven Moffat was perhaps the most evil producer/writer in all of fandom. Even more sadistic than the brilliant JK Rowling, Moffat had ripped my heart out, killed off characters, made me cover my eyes in fear and given me nightmares thanks to Doctor Who and Sherlock.
Then, however, I watched Supernatural. Now, I've already established that I get emotionally attached to characters. Otherwise, I don't watch the show. And yes, I have cried watching TV shows and movies. But never have I cried in the first goddamn season before.
Most TV shows follow a certain pattern that works. In season one, they introduce the characters, give you time to know them and fall in love with them. To care about them and their lives. Occasionally, they'll throw in a few deeper, more emotional episodes to make you connect faster, but for the most part, the emotional wringing doesn't start until season two. Now, in season two, I've found that most TV shows go for broke and decided that now that you love the characters they're gonna make you watch while they brutally rip their lives apart.
So if/when I cry watching a TV show, it has NEVER happened before season two. Ever. Not in Criminal Minds, not even in Torchwood. (I came very close in Cyberwoman, but I still did not actually cry). But I remember very vividly crying while watching Supernatural.
It wasn't in the first episode (though Jessica's death was like BAM and freaked me out a little). But it was still in season 1. Specifically, it was in the episode "Shadow" when Sam and Dean are discussing what they'd do if they finally killed the demon that had killed their mother and Jessica. Sam was talking about how he'd go back to school and finally be able to relax and have a normal life. Dean seemed surprised and said that they couldn't just quit hunting when there was more evil out there to kill. Then Sam asked Dean what he wanted out of life, telling him that there had to be something that he wanted once their hunt for revenge was finally over. Dean's answer… Dean's answer was that he didn't want Sam to leave him after their hunt was over, he wanted Sam and their dad and him to be together again like they had been when they were kids.
(*chokes on sobs*)
For real? That had me in tears, honestly. Not, like, bawling my eyes out, sobbing 'til my lungs hurt but still, I was crying. And I'm not usually that easy of a crier. AND IT WAS ONLY SEASON 1!!! They only get more emotionally taxing as the show goes on.
Season two and three gave me about 10 episodes combined of tear-jerking awfulness (not to mention I literally screamed and covered my eyes at the season 3 finale) and season 4 had me laughing at stupid, silliness that Supernatural is often known for and then scrubbing away tears in the next goddamn second! The same freaking SCENE!
By the time I got to season 5 I was familiar with the pain the show dished out constantly. I was used to it. I figured there was nothing worse they could throw at me after the season 4 climax (which ripped out my HEART!).
Then I watched season 5 and realized that I was oh so wrong. Now, most of the season was, as per usual, peppered with emotionally ruining damnation. I cried just like I always cried, but I was so not expecting that season 5 finale. In context, I knew that season 6 and 7 were already finished and (at the time) they were gearing up for season 8 in a few months. So I knew that Swan Song wasn't really where it all ended.
But that didn't help me because I also knew that it was where the show was supposed to end.
Swan Song was an emotional rollercoaster of bad. Not that the episode was bad, it was an amazing episode by all points. But it killed me. Right from the beginning I was crying, just shaking my head and not even bothering to hide the tears (and I was watching in a public place people!!). I just sat on the edge of my seat, listening to Chuck's stupid voice over and wanting to rip his throat out.
Seriously, the episode was bad enough without Chuck's stupid commentary making me sob when nothing sad was even happening!! When he said "they were never, in fact, homeless" and started talking about how they'd sit on the Impala and stare at the stars I was just sobbing my eyes out.
Every single part of the episode was specifically designed to make me want to kill myself. All the Dean angst, the Sam angst, Lucifer and Michael's confrontation. I could hardly bring myself to smile when Dean pulled up in the Impala and interrupted their epic battle. I think a little bit of me died when Lucifer exploded Cas and broke Bobby's neck.
And then, after all the awfulness and all the pain, Sam jumps into the pit and Michael and Adam go with him and it closes and I'm sitting there, mouth open like some kind of idiot, tears still dripping down my cheeks and Chuck starts talking AGAIN. About how endings are hard and they have to add up to something and how he thought it was all a test and they had passed. I was blubbering again and screaming "Fuck you Chuck! Shut up and stop talking you ass!"
Then they'd cut to Chuck, sitting in his little house at his little desk, smiling all self-appreciatively at the end of the WORST STORY EVER and then he fucking vanishes and my brain exploded.
It took me an entire minute to put together the implications of Chuck's magical disappearance. Then I realized "fuck you" was a bit too kind. What I really wanted to do to him was rip his freaking heart out and give it to Lucifer to play with. Damn you, Chuck, damn you. You cannot play with my emotions like that! It's not FAIR!
Do you guys realize that THAT was the END? That was where Kripke intended for the story to STOP? With Sam in Hell and Dean no longer hunting, just being broken and sad with Lisa and Ben? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED ME??
From the very beginning, I was in love with these characters. I cared so much that I cried just whenever they started to talk about their feelings. I would hang on to every word and hated having to stop watching for things like sleep and eating because that meant I had go any length of time in suspense over what came next. And THAT was where he ended it? THERE? With THAT emotional rape? Not cool.
It is for this reason that I maintain that Eric Kripke is by far, more evil than Steven Moffat. He knew what he was doing, he did it on PURPOSE. He wanted to hurt me (not me specifically, but me as in fangirls) he probably even laughed manically at all the tears his creations had caused. Even Moffat has never elicited such a powerful, emotional reaction from me (though "The Angels Take Manhattan" certainly came close). Damn you Eric Kripke, damn you.
On the Subject of:
The House of Night series
Ok, so being honest I will say that I have read the House of Night books only as far as "Tempted". I didn't read any farther than that because I got fed up and annoyed with the series and actually sold the copies that I owned because that was how pissed off they were beginning to make me. I completely lost interest in them.
But I'm going to try to remain fair and list the things about the series that I liked as well as the things that turned me off of the series. So… To start with I'll tell you guys why I originally liked the books and then I'll get into the reasons I stopped reading them altogether.
No. 1: The Vampyre Culture
I really liked the whole concept of the goddess Nyx and the matriarchal Vampyre society and the way that they had the whole Vampyre culture set up so that they weren't a secret society of evil doers. It was an interesting, unique twist on the vampire mythology that didn't butcher it too much, though I much preferred the Red Vampyres to the others because they were much closer matches to the actual vampire mythology and was a little upset that they didn't have fangs. But still, they melded a lot of different cultures and beliefs fairly seamlessly and did a wonderful job with it.
No. 2: The "Nerd Herd"
I almost immediately fell in love with the Twins, Jack, Stevie Rae and Damien. They're really interesting, unique characters. Shaunee and Erin reminded me a lot of me and my best friend Beth and Jack and Damien were so adorable together that I could hardly contain myself. Stevie Rae is probably one of the most remarkable characters in the books and she was probably my favorite character of all of them.
No. 3: Aphrodite
If Stevie Rae is my favorite character, then Aphrodite is my second favorite – she reminds me a lot of Cordelia from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. She's pretty, self-absorbed and comes off as a total bitch sometimes, but she's got a lot of depth and despite how perfect her life seems on the outside, it's just as screwed up as everyone else's and she's snarky, sarcastic and not afraid to piss people off. She comes off cold, but she's got a heart and I loved her.
…Alright, are three things I liked enough? Because I'm wracking my brain trying to think of anything else and drawing a blank. Anything I really enjoyed about the series was rendered moot the more of the books I read.
Good. Moving on to the bitching…
Things I Despised:
No. 1: The Religious Overtones
While reading this series I felt like I was being pushed one way or another into some kind of religious argument. Now, while I appreciate that they never say being a Christian is bad or that all Christians are hypocrites and I'm glad they showed us Christian characters who were accepting and non-judgmental, the entire series comes off with a gag-me religious vibe that is frankly, annoying.
If it's not the overbearing, asshole of a step-father and the pushed-over mother throwing Bibles at her kid, it's the Vampyre people getting pissed at the religious community for shunning them.
Look, I understand that it would almost certainly happen – there are always people of every faith who are judgmental assholes like the "People of Faith" – but they keep dragging the religious issues out with the Cherokee beliefs, the goddess Nyx, the Catholics and the People of Faith. They keep butting heads and spouting more nonsense about religious tolerance that made me want to punch things. Especially given that while the Vampyres demanded others respect THEIR beliefs and their goddess, they showed almost zero respect or even tolerance of others' beliefs unless they somehow lined up with Nyx (like the Catholic Nuns who for some inexplicable reason thought Nyx was the Virgin Mary)
While I appreciate them showing a diverse aspect of Christianity, they still come off as pompously saying "Our beliefs are right and these humans are idiots," I'm not a religious person, and that whole thing still pissed me off because it's incredibly annoying to have religion thrown at you while you're reading a FICTIONAL book about VAMPIRES and trying to enjoy it without the heavy-handed religious crap.
No. 2: Zoey's Gifts
It really bothered me that Zoey was so "special". She was a blatant Mary-Sue to be honest. Now, I admit, she is a much more balanced and detailed character than Bella from the Twilight Saga, but Zoey still has those Mary-Sue qualities that I hate (she was whiny, immature, judgmental, bitchy and bratty but for some reason EVERYONE loved her except the bad guys or characters we're supposed to hate)
It was established that sometimes the goddess Nyx gifts certain vampyres with things, like Aphrodite's visions and the other scope of gifts like Shaunee and Erin's fire and water and Damien's air. Zoey is, of course, just so special that she gets control over ALL the elements: earth, wind, fire, water and spirit. She's like a freakin' super bender and it pissed me off.
If I remember right they said she wasn't the first person to get those gifts like that, but it had been a few centuries at least. And then of course, Neferet can't read Zoey's mind and then Zoey gets all these cool tattoos that no Vampyre has ever, ever had before and seriously, this doesn't make sense.
Why the hell is Zoey so special? She's hardly the bravest, the smartest or the strongest. In a lot of ways, she's whiny and immature. She has her moments that make me like her and I totally sympathize with her terrible family situation (I'd wanna kill my step-father too if I were in her place) but really, Zoey shows up and kicks Aphrodite out of her place as head of Daughter of Darkness, she gains superpowers that no one else has at the school and is the ONLY VAMPYRE FLEDGLING EVER TO HAVE A FULL TATTOO plus extra stuff no Vampyre has! That's killing my suspension of disbelief guys. (Plus, making her so fucking perfect and flawless and wonderful kills the story and sucks away any tension)
No. 3: Zoey's Relationship with Her Family
Now, I'm going to start off saying that I totally agree that Zoey's step-father is a complete asshole. I get that. He was an unbending religious fanatic who refused to see anyone else's side of things (Hey! Just like Zoey! How odd...) But these books do a really shitty job making people want to connect with their family at all on any level.
Zoey's only family connection is her grandmother (who I adored!). Now, she's a teenager, she's gonna be pissed at her mom and I get that. I spent the majority of my junior year in high school pissed at my mom for something or other. However, I still loved my mom and generally respected her. She apologized whenever she flipped out on me and I eventually realized when I was being a stubborn brat.
Not Zoey, though. She refuses to accept that SHE might ever be misjudging something and seems to think she's entitled to whatever the hell she wants and if her mom doesn't agree, that makes her evil. Zoey's mom tries to reach out and make amends, but Zoey just keep shoving her away. (I've heard Zoey's mom does "redeem" herself, but that is almost more insulting than Zoey just shoving her out of her life. Zoey was the one who did the leaving, Zoey was the bitchy brat who should've seen the error of her ways, not the other way around)
And Zoey's got a sister close to her age and a little brother. I don't even remember their names because I don't think she ever mentions them after the first book. She doesn't know her sister or brother at all, she doesn't make an effort to talk to them or care about them and that's kind of upsetting. Now, I don't share interests with my younger siblings, but I'm still a part of their lives.
My brother and sister are in band, I can barely read sheet music properly. My sister wants to be a cheerleader and play soccer; I hate sports and wouldn't touch a pom-pom with a ten foot pole. My brother is into drawing and sculpting and I can't draw much more complicated things than stick figures, but I still hang out with them, talk to them and make some kind of effort. Zoey talks like the fact that her sister is a cheerleader is why they don't talk. I would understand if they didn't get along and they fought, but all Zoey says is that she's a whore and a cheerleader (which, btw, is an annoying as hell stereotype).
I fight with my siblings all the time, but Zoey doesn't even do that. She just doesn't interact with them AT ALL. She makes it sound like she's the only one with any sense because she hates her mom's husband, and her brother likes him because he bought him video games. She doesn't try to relate to them, doesn't care about them at all and that just pisses me off as an older sister.
No. 4: Zoey's Love Life
This is the reason that I stopped reading these books. They start out with Zoey having broken up with her on-again-off-again boyfriend Heath after he went off on a drinking binge after a game. Not the best first impression of Heath, but just wait, this gets so much better.
She meets Erick Night, who is currently dating Aphrodite. She likes his glorious Superman hair and lovely eyes. (Gag)
She apparently has absolutely no issue with Erick (is that how you spell it? Or is it Eric? Or Erik? I honestly forgot…) dumping Aphrodite on her ass and dating her the second Aphrodite wasn't the most popular girl in school who would spread her legs for him. Well, at least they're proving guys can be just as shallow as girls.
Honestly, I hated Erick from the beginning and the more Erick and Zoey were together, the more I missed drunken, but sincere Heath. At least he tried. He cleaned up his act and he was a funny, decent guy who really cared about Zoey. Erick was an asshole and I hated him.
Then there was Loren. Or Lauren? Whatever his name was, he was a teacher and Zoey was an idiot. She starts "seeing" the teacher behind Erick's back, plus her annoying little make-out sessions with Heath after they imprinted on one another and honestly, Zoey's kind of a bitch to them all. Why do they like her? (Well, Loren didn't actually like her, but give me a sec to get there)
So then, in the most idiotic and stupid way possible, Zoey gets all emotional remembering Stevie Rae's death and thinking Erick had died (I wish!) before she realized that he'd just turned into a full-fledged vamp. So Loren comes in to "comfort" her and she loses her virginity to a TEACHER.
A teacher. She fucked her teacher. And whatever you say about him not technically being HER teacher or even really a teacher at the school, he was a member of the school faculty and way too old her and she was dazzled by his amazingness. And I wanted to strangle her.
Then she gets all upset because Erick walks in on them having sex and she has the NERVE to say "I was gonna tell you!" Really? Really, Zoey? Well that just makes this entire thing peachy, doesn't it? You were going to tell your BOYFRIEND that you had to break up with him because you CHEATED on him with a TEACHER and had sex with him. But really, you two know each other so well, Loren just LOVES you, right? He'd never hurt you like Erick did when he broke up with you AFTER YOU CHEATED ON HIM.
Then we find out Loren was just using her (shocker) and she gets all upset over this amazing bit of news, meanwhile her friends get pissed that she didn't tell them about Stevie Rae not really being dead and, Zoey, you're a bitch.
She swears off guys for good after that, which lasts about three or four whole days.
I have to say, between Erick and Heath I was just screaming at Zoey to dump the asshole and give Heath another chance. The guy LOVES YOU and Erick's just using you. Then Loren happened and I was just like What the Hell? And I was screaming at her to go apologize to Heath and, you know, TALK TO HIM. Then Stark came along and I was like: Heath can die, I like Stark (I told you, I have a thing for vampires! – at least non-douche bag vampires). Then, of course, Heath died and I was like: NOT LITERALLY DAMN IT!
Ahem. Anyway, point is, Zoey starts getting all flirty with Stark and then she wonders if she's turning into a whore or not (answer: yes) and from there the entire series tumbles into an annoying slice of Zoey's screwed up love life. Stark dies the comes back to life, she gets back with Erick (for the love of Lucifer WHY?) and then she and Heath re-Imprint and get all cozy again and there's talk of being consorts and then Erick (big surprise) starts acting like a hormonal asshat and tries to push her to sleep with him and she gets all cozy with Stark and suddenly it's three guys she's got to contend with. Then she dumps Erick and he flips a bitch and sleeps with one of Aphrodite's ex-friends and oh, poor Zoey is just SO CONFUSED about what to do.
Never mind if she wasn't such a whore this wouldn't be happening at all. I really got so annoyed at how much they kept focusing on Zoey's screwed up love life that I wanted to cry and after "Hunted" I just could not go on any farther and I stopped reading the books altogether.
No. 5: Death Means Nothing in This World
Look, I don't mind characters coming back from the dead, we all know it happens in fantasy stories the world around. Jack Harkness dies nearly every episode of Torchwood, Owen died and came back (so why can't he do it again?????), Sam, Dean and Cas have died so many times in Supernatural it's hard to keep track, Buffy died twice, Angel died and went to the Hell dimension…. The list goes on. It's not the "dying and coming back" that bothers me. It's the fact that every character who dies in the House of Night world comes back.
In Torchwood, Ianto, Owen, Tosh and Susie all die and (eventually) stay dead, in Supernatural Bobby dies, Gabriel dies, John dies, Ash dies, Ellen dies, Pamela dies (EVERYONE FUCKING DIES) and they all stay dead too. Death still means something; it still has a permanence in these worlds, but not in the House of Night.
Stevie Rae dies and it's sad, she comes back and I'm happy. Stark dies and I'm not sad, because every vamp who dies in this series comes back to life one way or another and screw death or real consequences. It stops making me feel bad that characters are gone because I then expect them to return shortly. I don't feel like there's any real risk to what's going to happen to them anymore. The only character's death I still mourn is Heath's and I've heard that he gets brought back too SOMEHOW.
It is the second reason I stopped reading the books. I just got frustrated with the annoying way things kept happening. The plot got more and more ridiculous and idiotic (could we just not ever talk about Kalona EVER) and I got more and more annoyed and decided it wasn't worth my time if I was just going to get pissed off every time I read one of these books.
So there. That's my thoughts on the House of Night series. Agree with me or not, I don't care, but remember: friends have tried to talk me into going back to the series and I won't listen to them so I won't listen to you either.
On the Subject of:
Twilight: Part II
Yes, I am aware that I've already got a Twilight rant, but I decided to add more of the list of grievances I have against the Twilight Saga, just because I was bored and had nothing better to do. And also because I like to rant, it makes me feel better whenever I'm sick. So let's just jump right on in there, huh?
Grievance No. 7: The "Science" Behind the Sparklepyre
Normally, for a vampire novel I could just say "it's a fantasy" or "it's a vampire novel" but that excuse doesn't fly here for one very solid reason: Stephenie Meyer went out of her way to make her "vampires" scientifically sound – or as scientifically sound as vampires can be, anyway. In her warped mind.
The biggest issue I have with the so-called "science" of the Sparklepyres is that Meyer established waaaaaaaay back in Twilight that they cannot reproduce. It was the reason that Rosalie was originally so jealous and resentful of Bella. While this isn't a new thing in vampire literature, that entire canon is ripped to shreds in Breaking Dawn when Bella gets pregnant with Edward's baby. For those of you who forgot, Edward is a vampire. Vampires, in this world, do not reproduce. Ergo, Edward should not be able to reproduce.
We're given a half-assed excuse for how this is remotely possible in the explanation that whenever one becomes a Sparklepyre, they are frozen in that state. So their bodies do not change. Which means no bodily functions. Meaning, females vampires cannot get pregnant because that requires the body to change. Ok, I get that. (Brings to mind one question: what if a girl was turned while on her period? Does that mean she will forever be suffering from period cramps and chocolate cravings? Or, better yet, what if she was pregnant? Will she be forever pregnant with that poor, unborn baby in her? How awful!)
Anyway, I call bullshit on this explanation. I concede that female vampires can't have children because their bodies require massive change to birth a kid. But how does that mean male vampires can still sire kids?
First, as I said, if their bodies are frozen in that moment in time and all bodily functions cease; this means that they don't breathe, they don't eat, they don't piss, and they don't crap. All of which is true for Sparklepyres. And, also, they have no heartbeat because THEY'RE FUCKING UNDEAD. No heartbeat means no blood flow. No blood flow means no erection. Let alone the production of sperm or any other bodily function.
While men's bodies don't undergo such drastic changes as women's do, if all Sparklepyre bodily functions cease once they're changed then not only would female vampires be unable to conceive, male vampires would be unable to sire children as well.
So, according to Meyer's "scientific" explanation, Edward should not be able to even have sex at all. (Which would explain the whole 108 year old virgin thing, I guess). Basically, he's like Owen in Torchwood whenever Jack brought him back. Owen had brain function, but didn't breathe, eat or have any other bodily function at all. They even made a point of showing that he can't become aroused because he has no blood flow. So I say to you, Meyer, if you're going to be "scientific" STICK WITH THE SCIENCE.
Grievance No. 8: The Cullens Don't Care About Humans
Most people will claim that the Cullens are like Saints because they are "vegetarian" vampires, meaning they go against their very nature and feed on animals instead of humans because they value human life. In theory, that sounds wonderful. But in actuality, the Cullens are monsters who don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.
I've already told you how irresponsible Edward was, putting Bella's life in danger because he couldn't read her mind. But let's go a bit deeper into this dark and twisted world.
I want you to think about this: all these vampires are roughly a century old at least (if I remember correctly, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Esme aren't quite 100 yet or are just barely 100). So they've been around a while and they're all at least above average intelligence. They've been to high school and college and Carlisle has been a doctor for multiple centuries and is, according to the Cullens, a genius.
They are also wealthy because Alice's visions allow them to know when to invest in stocks and all that stuff.
Following me? Good. My question is: why haven't they donated any of that money to charities? They hoard it all for themselves and spend it on frivolous things they don't even really need like cars. Not only that, but if they're all so smart (Edward's been to Harvard and several other top colleges and Carlisle's medical training and whatnot) why the hell aren't they helping others with their knowledge? They could be working on curing cancer, helping starving children, technological breakthroughs!
Carlisle at least has been around long enough and been a doctor long enough that his knowledge would be invaluable! He could be sitting on the cure to AIDS and we'd never know because he never does anything about it.
And it gets so much worse than that. I can allow that they're avoiding the spotlight because they're Sparklepyres and don't wanna get attacked or whatever. But Carlisle is constantly painted as this compassionate saint who can do no wrong and who saved them all.
That's a load of bull though. Carlisle damned them all to an eternity of this awful life that they all HATE! He didn't give them a choice, didn't ask them at all. They were DYING and he decided that made it okay to turn them into demon spawn. I get that after so long by himself he was lonely, but Edward makes it out like Carlisle saved him by turning him into a vampire when in fact, Carlisle damned him.
Edward says that Carlisle would never do that to a person who had another choice but Carlisle didn't give them a choice and they all had another option: DEATH! Rosalie said it herself in Eclipse; she wished someone had been there to vote "No" for her. She didn't want this life and they all moan about how it's this terrible burden and curse, but they don't blame Carlisle at all even though he did this to them without their permission or knowledge! It wasn't some cruel fate that met Edward, Esme, Rosalie or Emmett. Carlisle forced the curse on them because he was lonely.
At least Alice and Jasper can blame someone else (the vampire who turned Alice to "save" her; the vampires who attacked Jasper). The rest of them only have Carlisle and his selfishness to blame.
They don't hold human life in respect at all. They were even placing bets on how many people Bella was going to kill whenever she was turned, acting like it was a joke! I get how vampires can be so cavalier about it, but for Pete's sake, don't make those guys out to be saints!
Even worse, whenever they got wind of the newborn vampire attacks in Seattle, they DID NOTHING! They didn't go to Seattle to figure out what was happening, they didn't try to stop the newborn. They just sat on their asses, shaking their heads and going "Oh, that's so sad!"
For comparison, Henry in the Blood Books suffered a similar issue: what he suspected was a newborn vampire killing people near his territory. Instead of shaking his head sadly at the news, Henry got off his ass and went looking for the vampire to kill it or stop it. Even if his main reason was: I'm a vampire and if they start to suspect things I could be in trouble, at least he was doing something. The Cullens barely batted an eyelash. They could've nipped that problem in the bud, but they just sat around "monitoring" it because fuck logic and saving lives. That's stupid.
Grievance No. 9: Bella Swan Is a Whiny Little Bitch
I'm kind of sick of hearing people say that Bella is a "strong" character and a good role model. I weep for future generations who use Bella as their role model, I do. She is not a strong character; she's a whiny, bitchy little brat. From the very beginning she's whining about having to go live with her dad (even though she's the one who chose to move to Forks in the first place) and about how much Forks sucks.
She moans about everything from the weather to the fact that people are NICE to her. She's judgmental, hypocritical and selfish. I do not see anything at all that proves that Bella is mature. She puts down Jessica for basing her opinions of the Cullens on their looks but her sole attraction to Edward was based on his orgasmic glitter beauty. She bitches about Mike Newton being friendly to her and deludes herself into believing that she's so special every fucking guy in school is in love with her just because they talk to her.
She strings Jacob along, flirting with him and holding hands with him, all the while knowing that she'll never be with him. She continually drags out the painful non-relationship between the two of them and even bitches that Jacob should understand why she loves Edward when I'm on Jake's side in that argument. Edward's an abusive dick and Jacob was the guy who was always there for her. She is nowhere near good enough for him.
She even spends about 90% of New Moon moaning about how awful her life is without Edward and fully admits to using Jacob as an emotional crutch to ease her poor, broken heart. She admits she doesn't love him, but continues to string him along because he makes it bearable.
Seriously, you tell me what's there to look up to? Bella Sawn taught me nothing about being strong and even less about love. She teaches girls that love is obsessive and dangerous and that it's fine to let a guy walk all over you and control your life if he's hot. And if he breaks up with you, bitch and whine for months and throw yourself off a cliff because you're nothing without him.
Grievance No. 10: The Sexism… It's Everywhere!
It's almost sad how very noticeable the sexism is in these books. For starters, Bella does all the cooking, all the time. Because a woman's place is in the kitchen. Charlie apparently cannot cook despite having been feeding himself for over a decade.
Not only that, but two of the "strong" female characters are Rosalie and Leah. Both of them are pretty well defined, but Meyer tries to make them out as bitches at first (I never saw Rosalie or Leah as bitches, honestly. I saw them as the only sane people who realized quickly how bitchy Bella was). But eventually, Meyer gives us a reason for all of their problems.
Rosalie and Leah can't have kids.
Yes. That is why they were so bitchy towards Bella, obviously. Now look, I know that for a lot of women, the inability to have kids is a huge deal and I'm not making light of that. It sucks to want a family and not be able to have kids but seriously, getting married and popping out babies is ALL that these girls do or want to do. What have any of them accomplished other than that?
Bella's only goal is to get married. That's it. Okay, fine, it wasn't marriage, it was to be with Edward forever, but basically, same thing. She has no other goals, no aspirations, nothing. She just wants to be an undead housewife.
I don't think I can remember a single problem any of the female characters had – especially the teenage girls – that didn't somehow go back to the issue of boyfriends. Because, obviously, the most important thing is that you have a boyfriend girls, no need for college education and goals.
The guys call all the shots, Edward orders Bella around and tells her exactly what she's going to do and she does it. Because he said so. And no one thinks that's wrong? Seriously, there is never any real consideration given to what Bella wants; Edward obviously knows what's best and if he has to treat her like a child to get her to do what he wants, he damn sure will.
Grievance No. 11: The Entire Concept Imprinting
I know I've mentioned this a couple of times already, but I feel like it merits its own little blurb/rant. I want you guys to think about the whole Imprinting thing and how it works. So, basically, the werewolf sees his (or, if Leah ever imprints, her) "soul mate" for lack of a better word, and the stars align (no, seriously, according to how Jake described it, the sun starting shining out of Renesmee's ass or something the second he saw her)
This is creepy on, well, every single level possible. There is no free will involved in Imprinting – the werewolf sees his "true love" and they are together, no questions asked, no deviations. That is how is must be and how is always will be. Not to mention, the girl's feelings are never, ever considered in the matter and, apparently, age is not an issue. Since werewolves (from this point forward I shall call them shape shifters because they aren't real werewolves and the name bugs me) never age, but their soul mates are human and age, it is a non-issue according to Meyer.
According to me, it is creepy as all fuck for a seventeen year old to be in love with a two year old. Not to mention, illegal and disgusting. Seriously, Quil imprinted on a 2 year old and everyone was just like "Hey, that's just how it happens sometimes," and then, even worse, Jacob imprinted on Renesmee and she wasn't even a day old yet! I can understand Bella's upset over the matter – it's a whole new level of disturbing whenever the guy who was pining after you for three and a half books suddenly falls in love with your newborn daughter.
They keep saying it's not sexual, but that doesn't make it less creepy. And we all know it will become sexual at some point – very soon with Renesmee given that by the time she's seven she'll be physically mature enough to be an adult. She's still fucking seven years old and that is all kinds of wrong (also, did anyone else think that Renesmee's growth was ridiculously contrived or was that just me – never mind that she shouldn't even exist)
Grievance No. 12: The "Werewolves"
So, as I said, they aren't technical werewolves (just like the vampires aren't vampires) and (shockingly) Meyer actually does cover that in Breaking Dawn. Kinda. On a technicality, they are "shape shifters" which are entirely different from werewolves, which, apparently, also exist in this fucked up universe even though we never see one. (Given that real werewolves also kill vampires, I would've loved for that to happen – maybe they could've killed Edward for us)
Anyway, my real problem with the shape shifters isn't the mechanics (which make no sense anyway) or any of the other ridiculous things about them – it's their origin. Meyer made up this bullshit story about Indian spirit warriors (using the Quileutes, who are REAL Native Americans that really exist) and some really idiotic legends about how they came to be. None of it made any sense and it was probably one of the most painful things I've ever had to read – aside from the tent scene that happens later in the same book where Edward and Jacob and Bella all talk about sex – and I was banging my head against the wall.
It was like she went "fuck logic, I'll just bullshit this. No one will notice" and banged out the stupidest stories she possibly could for how werewolves came to be. Also, I thought Meyer was basing her world in science so where did the whole "spirit warrior" come from? That is not anywhere near scientific. But yeah.
Apparently, the Quileutes were able to travel from their bodies into the spirit realm and there were some complications (an evil dude stole the Chief's body while he was away in spirit world and killed his own body so the chief couldn't come back and warn everyone) and the Chief ended up in the body of a wolf. He got really, really pissed and the poor wolf's brain imploded on itself and its body exploded leaving behind a man – the physical representation of the chief's spirit.
And then other boring things that make no sense happen and the shape shifters fight vampires, but then they stop changing and they don't turn into wolves anymore and the story becomes a myth until the Cullens show up again and (for some reason I can't understand) the vampire presence makes the kids in the tribe start turning into wolves again because… reasons. Seriously. How can vampires be the catalyst whenever the Quileutes had never even heard of vampires until well after they were turning into wolves? If anything, the real catalyst seemed to be uncontrollable rage so every teenager with anger management issues should be exploding into giant wolves.
It's this kind of idiocy that makes me hate these books. It's like Meyer didn't even TRY when she was writing this crap, honestly. I can't understand her reasoning behind any of it. It baffles my mind to no end.
Feel free to PM me any time! I don't mind answering questions or giving advice if you feel I can offer it.
Some things are worth getting your heart broken for. - Sarah Jane Smith
When she said that, I wasn't entirely sure I agreed (though, yes, the Doctor is certainly worth the broken heart) ... And then I watched Supernatural and made the mistake of falling in love with Sam Winchester. At this point, I don't even know if my heart still works.
A Tribute to Supernatural by criminalxxxmindsxxxfreak:
Here's to the boy, who saved a world
Here's the man, who sold his soul
Here's the old drunk, who always had the answers
Here's to the angel, who gave his life
Here's to the heroes, who were broken inside
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