| H.J. Bender |
Author has written 41 stories for Ronin Warriors, Gundam Wing/AC, Lord of the Rings, Legend of Zelda, Good Omens, Van Helsing, Ghost Rider, Metalocalypse, and X-Men: Evolution. » H.J. Bender . . . . . . . . . . .The kind of person your mother didn't warn you about. » News & Updates . . . . . . 10 December 2009 If you're an old fan of my Ronin fics, you're in luck. I've got all but three stories from my old archive posted up at my Ronin site. They're all terrible and I'm deeply ashamed that they're out in public view again. » WIP Status . . . . . . . . . . . Absence of Grace: on hold; Father: on hold; Luna Amour: on hold; The Vacation Fic: on hold; Soul Shadow: in progress; Totality of Defeat: on hold; Wedlocked: on hold » Freeword . . . . . . . . . . . . Thank you all for reading and reviewing my fics (esp. the unfinished ones, which will be finished someday, even if I have to write from the grave). I hope you will continue to read and review as I likewise continue to write things that horrify you. » GENERAL DISCLAIMER : I do not own the characters from the fandoms for which I write, though I retain rights to any characters, names, places or ideas of original nature. I make no money from the writing of these stories. o-o-o Story Stats Longest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Soul Shadow Longest in fandom . . . . . . . . . . . .Hearts of Fire Longest One-Shot . . . . . . . . . . . .The Odd Couple Shortest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Demon Days Most Favorites . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Soul Shadow Most Reviews . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Soul Shadow Most Reviews Per Chapter . . . . . .Link & the Vampires' Tea Bags Most C2 Adds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .A Bat Out of Hell Lowest Rated (K) . . . . . . . . . . . . .Once Upon a Shire o-o-o User Stats On the favorites list of 285 members. On the author alert list of 163 members. Submitted a total of 55 signed reviews. Total words archived : 713,320 words. Average number of words per story : 17,398 Total hits to Profile Page : 18,443 o-o-o Fandom Stats (for FF net only) Ghost Rider . . . . . . . . 6 fics Good Omens . . . . . . . 9 fics Gundam Wing . . . . . . 4 fics Legend of Zelda . . . . 2 fics Lord of the Rings . . . . 3 fics Metalocalypse . . . . . . 6 fics Ronin Warriors . . . . . 7 fics Van Helsing . . . . . . . . 3 fics X-Men: Evolution . . . . 1 fic | |||||||||
1. The Warlords Next Door » reviewsIt's Sage's party and he'll die if he wants to; hey, you'd die too if it happened to you. The Ronin of Light endures a catastrophic night of humiliation and torture, but there's a happy ending to his tale of woe. Special reader bonus inside!Ronin Warriors - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 18,033 - Reviews: 49 - Updated: 12-3-09 - Published: 10-11-07 - Sage D. & Cale2. Always Will Be reviewsThe night before the assault on Talpa's castle, Ryo wanders the city streets and crosses paths with the Ancient One. Ryo quickly discovers the monk's plans of self-sacrifice...and refuses to let him go through with it.Ronin Warriors - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,629 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 11-29-09 - Ryo S. & Ancient - Complete3. So Far Away From Me » reviewsScott and Alex Summers, brothers separated by childhood tragedy, finally reunite when Alex comes to stay at the X-Mansion. How can they begin to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives?X-Men: Evolution - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,294 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 10-8-09 - Published: 8-27-09 - Cyclops & Havok4. Soul Shadow » reviewsLink returns to his childhood and grows up peacefully in Kokiri. But as time catches up to him, it is soon made clear that not all is well. Something is out there, a shadow and a whisper of a vague and distant memory...Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 96,321 - Reviews: 165 - Updated: 8-30-09 - Published: 10-10-04 - Link & Dark Link5. All Roads Lead » reviewsThe Prince of Hell is left for dead on a desolate desert highway. Johnny Blaze is the man who finds him, and takes it upon himself to cure his evil ways. Can it be done, or is the Devil's son beyond all redemption?Ghost Rider - Rated: T - English - Western/Supernatural - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,368 - Reviews: 19 - Updated: 8-27-09 - Published: 6-9-096. Wedlocked » reviewsChapter 11! Long-lost brothers meet at last; Mephisto discovers that his grief-stricken son is missing; the legend of the Ghost Riders is told; Beelzebub and the Hidden finally find Johnny; and the vicious Wolf Brothers are on the hunt for Blackheart!Ghost Rider - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 11 - Words: 69,112 - Reviews: 41 - Updated: 5-5-09 - Published: 10-18-087. Hearts of Fire » reviewsJohnny forms an uneasy alliance with the ex-Queen of Hell and her son Blackheart, whom Johnny rescues from the Ninth Circle. Together the three must evade Mephisto's henchmen and prevent him from bringing Armageddon to Earth.Ghost Rider - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 15 - Words: 77,248 - Reviews: 71 - Updated: 4-15-09 - Published: 8-29-08 - Complete8. Bad Boys reviewsSome things never change ... Roxanne runs off on the day of her own wedding to find Johnny, whom she fears to be in great danger. Cracktastic shenanigans ensue.Ghost Rider - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,399 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 2-14-09 - Complete9. Dethlove » reviewsAfter Toki suffers a debilitating accident feeding the rats one Saturday, Nathan's life will never be the same again. N/T slash. Originally published Oct 29 2006.Metalocalypse - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 39,426 - Reviews: 14 - Updated: 2-14-09 - Published: 2-11-09 - Nathan E. & Toki W. - Complete10. Snow White » reviewsSkwisgaar Skwigelf is the son of the Cocaine Queen of L.A., but when she dies and her jealous boytoy husband, Toki Wartooth, takes over, Skwisgaar has every reason to fear for his life. Slash.Metalocalypse - Rated: M - English - Horror/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 19,049 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 2-11-09 - Published: 1-30-09 - Skwisgaar S. & Pickles - Complete11. Hallowed Eve reviewsBlackheart visits a lonely Johnny Blaze on All Hallow’s Eve. Johnny/Blackheart slash.Ghost Rider - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,212 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 12-26-08 - Complete12. Good Omens Drabbles » reviewsA collection of 6 drabbles: "Hell of a Night", "Dirty Desire", "Naughty Knickers", "Snow Play", "Swallowed Wholly" and "Snotsicles". Ratings vary for each, mostly T.Good Omens - Rated: M - English - Humor/General - Chapters: 6 - Words: 1,542 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 12-23-08 - Published: 12-4-08 - Complete13. Skwisfrogg reviewsToki Wartooth is a sadistic, selfish, evil little brat. Skwisfrogg is a kindly amphibian who rescues Toki's toy plane from a well. But when the frog comes to live with Toki, things get hilariously violent. T/S SLASHMetalocalypse - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,864 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 12-3-08 - Toki W. & Skwisgaar S. - Complete14. In Other Words reviewsCredit cards. Teenagers. Mopeds. Mustard. And another word for hate. S/TMetalocalypse - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,436 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 11-12-08 - Complete15. Tokirella reviewsThis is quite possibly the heaviest, metallest Cinderella story you'll ever read. Magical guitars, guardian god-trolls, and a three-night long headbangers' ball...be there or go die.Metalocalypse - Rated: T - English - Parody/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,013 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 11-12-08 - Complete16. In Sickness & in Health reviewsA story for anyone who's ever thought that having the flu was as bad as it could get...think AGAIN. Skwisgaar gets sick, and Toki takes it upon himself to “cure” him.Metalocalypse - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,807 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 11-12-08 - Complete17. Demon Days reviewsA short, humorous interlude starring everyone's favorite three sidekick demons, who really put the MENTAL in elemental; Gressil, Wallow and Abigor wonder how they're going to manage without Blackheart there to slap them around.Ghost Rider - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,570 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 10-10-08 - Complete18. Absence of Grace » reviewsColdness and distrust runs deep between Boromir of Gondor and Legolas of Mirkwood; it isn’t until the Elf saves the man from death that the two discover much deeper feelings are running between them. Tasteful slash.Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 37,438 - Reviews: 31 - Updated: 5-21-08 - Published: 3-5-08 - Legolas & Boromir19. Father » reviewsDracula visits the Valerious family the night their son Velkan is born, & claims him as his own. Throughout the years the vampire manipulates & torments the gypsy prince, destroying the Valerious family, hoping that one day Velkan will join his side...Van Helsing - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 10 - Words: 48,113 - Reviews: 46 - Updated: 10-15-06 - Published: 4-30-0620. ♡ reviewsVan Helsing returns to the Vatican after a long mission to find Carl has made something quite unusual while he was away... Mild slash.Van Helsing - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,587 - Reviews: 20 - Published: 10-1-06 - Complete21. Luna Amour » reviewsUpon returning to the Vatican, Van Helsing discovers that he did not leave Romania empty handed; he brought a disease back with him that is endangering the lives of everyone around him, and only Carl can help him find an antidote. Slash.Van Helsing - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 38,333 - Reviews: 46 - Updated: 6-24-06 - Published: 4-9-0622. The Vacation Fic » reviewsTrowa wins 5 tickets out of a box of Major Munch to a Caribbean island vacation resort, and everything pretty much goes kaput from there. Crude humor, slapstick, profanity and lowbrow shenanigans galore.Gundam Wing/AC - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 18,632 - Reviews: 20 - Updated: 1-8-06 - Published: 12-29-05 - Duo M.23. I Forgot to Tell You reviewsA short fic that deals with a normal, everyday situation that suddenly goes completely wrong, making Duo wish he would have said something while he still had the chance. Rated for language, shounen ai.Gundam Wing/AC - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,496 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 12-28-05 - Published: 10-21-02 - Duo M. & Heero Y. - Complete24. Operation Salvation » reviewsSequel to "Revenge of the Houseplants" and "Return of Hastur". Hastur must befriend Aziraphale in order to convince the angel that Crowley is out to get him.Good Omens - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 29,804 - Reviews: 28 - Updated: 12-25-05 - Published: 11-12-05 - Complete25. No Cause for Alarm Clocks reviewsA short story detailing one of Crowley’s infernal household gadgetries, and why he’ll never have sex in front of it ever again. Slash.Good Omens - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,038 - Reviews: 43 - Published: 10-21-05 - Complete26. Link and the Vampires' Teabags reviewsThis is a ridiculously absurd story. You might need to see a psychiatrist after reading it. Link has a strange medical problem that only gets worse when he reaches sexual maturity... Rated for pants-wettingly, godawful-funny gayness.Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,408 - Reviews: 87 - Published: 9-17-05 - Link & Sheik - Complete27. The Return of Hastur reviewsSequel to "Revenge of the Housplants". Hastur wants Crowley dead, and the only way it's going to happen is if he kills the serpent himself. Slapstick hilarity ensues.Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,814 - Reviews: 16 - Published: 8-13-05 - Complete28. Feathers reviewsCrowley has a weakness that Aziraphale ruthlessly exploits all over the wall of his bookshop. A silly, sexy, shameful story.Good Omens - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,013 - Reviews: 31 - Published: 7-29-05 - Complete29. Secrets and the Serpentine reviewsAziraphale has a fear and a secret. It places a distance between himself and the one who knows him best, until he learns that he doesn’t have to face it alone. Slash.Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,996 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 6-21-05 - Complete30. An Amusing Account of Angelic Addiction reviewsIn the days when angels walked the earth with clubs and demons dressed as conquistadors comes a tale of overseas adventures, rioting pirates, and the true story behind the history of chocolate. Rated PG13 for slashiness and green teeth.Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,401 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 5-14-05 - Complete31. The Revenge of the Houseplants reviewsFACT: Crowley’s houseplants have been suffering for years at the hands of their merciless master. QUESTION: What happens when Hastur offers them a chance to avenge their misery? ANSWER: read fic.Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,486 - Reviews: 54 - Published: 4-2-05 - Complete32. A Bat Out of Hell reviewsAziraphale has a serious problem when bats take up residence in the attic of his bookshop. What ensues is utterly ridiculous. Rated for language and some slashy inferences.Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,380 - Reviews: 26 - Published: 2-28-05 - Complete33. Pipesmoke reviewsThat awkward stage between childhood and adulthood becomes much clearer when your older cousin is allowed to do things which you still cannot. Merry/Pippin slash.Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,117 - Reviews: 25 - Published: 1-22-05 - Meriadoc B. & Peregrin T. - Complete34. Once Upon a Shire » reviewsThe untold stories of the adventures and misadventures of Merry Brandybuck and Pippin Took, from the very beginning. Discontinued.Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 19,064 - Reviews: 30 - Updated: 5-31-04 - Published: 3-21-04 - Meriadoc B. & Peregrin T.35. As Spoken Through Music reviewsTrowa narrates his perspective upon an incident of bonding with Quatre that exists only within the realm of music.Gundam Wing/AC - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,449 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 4-25-03 - Trowa B./No-Name & Quatre W. - Complete36. Totality of Defeat » reviewsGreece, 1176 BC: Ryo Sanadus is a young Trojan rebel captured by the cruel, merciless Spartan general Cye Morinum. Now Ryo, with help from fellow slave Sage Dathae, must learn to endure or die. Mature readers only.Ronin Warriors - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 12 - Words: 56,150 - Reviews: 82 - Updated: 4-21-03 - Published: 8-8-02 - Ryo S. & Cye M.37. The Odd Couple reviewsSage is a persnickety neatnik obsessed with interior decoration and health food. Kento keeps beer in the fish tank and his skivvies in the fridge. What happens when fate lands them together in the same apartment?Ronin Warriors - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 20,836 - Reviews: 24 - Published: 3-2-03 - Kento R. & Sage D. - Complete38. Bad Day reviewsTry to imagine the worst day you ever had, multiply it times ten, and it equals this fic about poor Quatre's no good, terrible, horrible, awful day. Humor, 3x4.Gundam Wing/AC - Rated: K+ - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,915 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 10-21-02 - Quatre W. & Trowa B./No-Name - Complete39. Orb My God! reviewsA silly tale of how Sage swallows something that he should have never put in his mouth...Ronin Warriors - Rated: T - English - Humor/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,792 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 7-19-02 - Sage D. - Complete40. Brothers in Arms reviewsThere will come a time when the Ronin Warriors, missions completed, will part forever. This is the story of that parting. Set to Dire Straits' "Brothers in Arms".Ronin Warriors - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,612 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 7-19-02 - Ryo S. - Complete41. The Lesson Kento Learned reviewsA skunk, a spud cannon, 341 boxes of Cap'n Crunch, and a lesson that won't be soon forgotten.Ronin Warriors - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,112 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 7-19-02 - Kento R. - Complete