|
| maceygirl |
Author has written 1 story for Gallagher Girls. Heyyy all! Just to say my real name is not Macey :) i just really like that name and i also like a book character that has that name :) I would change it buttttttt then everyone i reviewed on might not remember me :( soooooo yea... anyway onto my profile thingy information :) I love the Gallagher Girl, Maximum Ride, Hunger Games, The Mortal Instruments, Infernal Devices, etc PEACE OUT!!!! ^.^ ~!~ girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love This is Genius: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think I'm wrong? In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap". (And that would be how?) On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost". (But, it's just a suggestion). On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (And you thought?...) On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". (But wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". (And...I'm taking this because?) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". (As opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use". (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts". (Talk about a news flash!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts". (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". Girl Comebacks! Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So, what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Man: Your eyes they're amazing. If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost GIRLS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks" You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When... 1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog. Ahhhhhhhh have to love the Maximum Ride series!!!! MAXIMUM RIDE ROCKS! º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨ 16 things to do in Walmart. 1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. Quote Things: A good friend makes you say "Excuse me" after you burp. A best friend will try to out-burp you. A good friend laughs at all your jokes, even if they aren't funny. A best friend will just look at you like you're mental and say "Are you serious?" A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting there next to you saying "Man, that was fun!" Good friends will keep all your secrets. Best friends will stand on the nearest lunchtable and shout it to the entire student body. Good friends will share their umbrella. Best friends will take yours and say "RUN, BEEP, RUN" Good friends will wipe your tears when you're rejected. Best friends will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" Good friends will help you up when you fall. Best friends will say, "Walk much, bitch?" Friends help you find your prince. Best friends kidnap him, then bring him to you and forces him to marry you til death do you part. Sometimes when I say, "Oh I'm fine," I want someone to look me in the eye and say, "Tell the truth." She finally gave up. She dropped the fake simle as a tear rolled down her cheek she whispered, "I can't do this anymore." You see that girl over there? That's my best friend, YOU break her heart... I break your face!! My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES. Ran with scissors, and lived! "It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone." Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter I'll protect you because I know you're worth protecting. Bite me and I'll bite back. "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." "Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. "An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed." "Pondering the meaning of life is a waste of your life. Who really cares?" Reality is for people who lack imagination. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. I don't forgive people because I'm weak; I forgive them because I'm strong enough to realize people make mistakes. Friends believe in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself. You have to take the good with the bad, smile when you're sad, love what you've got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change, and things go wrong, but just remember: life goes on. Life's too short and nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the bull crap, and never have regrets, because at one point what you did was exactly what you wanted. Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of on-going traffic; but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you. A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught. Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid? I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: where the heck is my ceiling? Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: I'm too old for glow in the dark stickers A secret admirier is only a stalker with stationary. If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete. He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. She Said: You wear pants don't you? You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me. What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding. If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!" I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Love your enemies. It pisses them off. The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas... Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings? Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again Sure I have super powers! I just don't wanna show you You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you I am not weird... just plotting I don't obsess! I think intensely! I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers. Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to. Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried to slam a revolving door Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over. Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried. My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder A day without light is, well, night Tell the truth and run..a long. long way away... Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that. Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon. I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly. If you don't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you. When you’re stressed just... YODEL! Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now. Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why. Have fun, laugh at things that aren't funny, and make a HUGE loser out of yourself in public. I'm cool, you're cool... but if you hug me, I'll slap you silly. Pictures fade away but memories are FOREVER! Take candy, not drugs. I hope you choke on every word you spoke when you were screaming at me. I am absolutely awesome (agree or die) Caution, water on road during rain. Hold your head high gorgeous, there are people that would kill to see you fall. The worst part about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth. Don't like my attitude? Call 1 - 800 - Kiss - My - ...BUTT! If you're gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty. Even the best fall down sometimes. Yes, I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much. Read my lips : Olive Juice. Thanks for listening, have a nice day. Live your life with arms wide open, you never know what might be thrown at you... Weapon of choice? Hmmmm... I'd have to say... SPORK! Save the earth, it's the only place with chocolate! There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't. 'Don't believe those who tell you they love you, believe those who show you they do.' '3 words, 8 letters, 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, one emotion, many meanings, so important and rarely the truth: I love you. Life is like an hourglass...eventually, everything hits the bottom and all you have to do is wait it out until someone comes along and turns it around. Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Life is devine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride... Life is like a box of chocloates. You never know what you're gonna get. I guess you are right. I'm afraid. I am afraid to put my guard down. I am afraid that if you know all that i am, you won't feel the same. And i'm afraid that once my barrier is defeated, and i'm comfortable, that you'll walk away. Never give up things that once made you smile. If I had to choose btween loving you and breathing...Then i would use my last breath to tell you i love you. A star fell from the sky and i knew i caught it...Then when i fell for you where were you to catch me? I don't have to be your first love, but i do want to be your last. The truth hurts so we lie. Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart. If you can't get someone out of your head, then maybe they're supposed to be there. It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does. We fall for boys that give us pretty words and false hopes. Forgiveness, such a simple word, but so HARD to do when you've been hurt. Letting go isn't giving up, it's accepting that some things aren't meant to be. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world, there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children. It's not in some of us it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously allow other people to do the same. We are liberated by fear. A thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed. Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly. 79 Things to do in an Elevator 1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5. Meow occasionally. 6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly. 7. Say "DING!" at each floor. 8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons. 9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them. 16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 21. Swat at flies that don't exist. 22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it. 23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off. 24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you. 25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" 26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently. 28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it. 29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..." 30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't. 31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer. 32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting. 33. Ask, "Did you feel that?" 34. Tell people that you can see their aura. 35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." 36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..." 38. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 39. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 40. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 41.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 42. Shave. 43. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 44. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" 45. One word: Flatulence! 46. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 47. Do Tai Chi exercises. 48. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!" 49. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 50. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" 51. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 52. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. 53. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. 54. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!" 55. Leave a box between the doors. 56. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. 57. Start a sing-along. 58. Play the harmonica. 59. Lean against the button panel. 60. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 61. Bring a chair along. 62. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" 63. Blow spit bubbles. 64. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. 65. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. 66. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers. 67. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." 68. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!" 69. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes. 70. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!" 71. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament. 72. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy. 73. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. 74. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part. 75. Make chalk drawings on the walls. 76. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, darn it!" 77. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on. 78. Try to get a game of "Twister" going. 79. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away. To maintain a healthy level of insanity 1. At lunch time, sit in your car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars and see if they slow down 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Everytime someone asks you to do something ask if they want fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping and you are woken up shout "AMEN!" 5. Put decaf in the cofee maker for three weeks once everyone has gotten over their caffine addictions switch to Expresso. 6. Skip down the hall instead of walk and see how many looks you get. 7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face. 8. sing along at the opera. 9. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache. 10. When leaving the zoo, satrt running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your life! Their loose!" 1) I NEED TO TELL YOU A SECRET (LO0K AT #5) QUOTES TO LIVE BY - Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. - Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler - Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? - Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'? - "Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown - “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown - “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.” – Unknown - When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up! - Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head - "Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." - You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder - They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," I don't think many people would be dead... - I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes. - Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. - You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. - Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. - Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing. - There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. - 'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO! - You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. - Don't follow in my footsteps. I walk into walls. - I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect. Ways to Annoy people at the cinema: Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. Yell out what is going to happen. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. Try to start a wave. Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" Sing with the theme music. Bring and use your own air freshener. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!" Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?" Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat" Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end Other Random things STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand When life throws you lemons... throw something harder back! Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? There are all kinds of art. There's the art of drawing, the art of dancing, the art of science, and of course the refined art of being an idiot Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way; wisdom is looking both directions anyway. Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and witch slap someone. Define 'normal' If the opposite of pro is con,what's the opposite of Progress? Only two things are infinite:1)The universe.2)Human stupidity Boys don't fall for me; I trip them. If you think I'm normal, you need to go to a mental hospital. Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork. I didn't say it was your fault...just that I was going to blame you When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate. I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones When in doubt, push random buttons! 'Curiosity killed the mutant bird kid.' A wise man once said, "Ask a girl." I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. Sarcasm isn't an attitude,it's an ART Must press the Red button! Watch out for the idiot behind me. I ran with scissors, and lived! Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much Bad stuff happens, mostly to me, so don't worry. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. You can't fix stupid. I'm an angel honest... the horns are just there to keep the halo straight When in doubt...throw a chair. Even though he's gone, you can still hear the stupid. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely. I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else. It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows. No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning. I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself. Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them. Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys. When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later. When all else fails, use duct tape. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. here are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If she isn't there the first time you need her, chances are you won't be needing her again My Reality Check bounced. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing "Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon." "There are 1000 ways I could kill you, and 941 of them hurt." "So what do the other 59 of them do? Tickle?" I'll try to be nicer if you'll try to be smarter. I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm? Earth is full. Go home. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works. I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. "I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! " A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." - Unknown You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. Smile. It confuses people. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. "He who laughs last didn't get it." - Unknown Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box? If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable. Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary. "Love your enemies! It really ticks them off" Help, I've fallen and I can't...hey, nice carpet! It's soo pretty! Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it? I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes. It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn" when life gives you lemons, freeze them and throw them at stupid people I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer. You can't spell awesome without ME! "Being normal is for freaks." Live life to the Max and have the Ride of your life. Live fighting, to die free, to live free, to die fighting To know the dark you need to know the light. Flames burning, heads turning, I'm crashing and burning. We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But we teenage girls are good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding. You cant spell 'BEAUTIFUL' without 'BE U' It's a beautif (BTW this did not happen to me) I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'' "OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' "My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Rearranging Words :) DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOTS IN ME ELECTION - RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE MOTHER IN LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY What to Do During an Exam 1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level. 4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Darn this!" and walk out triumphantly. 14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go ice skating.) 15. Show up completely insane (completely insane means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary. 24. Act spazzy 25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?" 26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! 27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. 30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her. 32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..." 34. Fake an heart attack. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply. 35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect. 36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam. 37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen. 38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girly-girl nearby. 39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. 40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your pencil. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour. 41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it. 42. Dress like the professor. 43. Cross-Dress. 44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras. Things Maximum Ride has Taught Us: 1. Being different is okay. 2. Even the little things can help save the world. 4. Love always makes itself known. Even if it takes you five books and fourteen years of your life to see it, it's there. 5. 6-year-olds do have the ability to take over the world. 6. Duct tape is a handy tool if you have a mimicking 8-year-old. (Now you tell me...) 7. The loss of a vet would be a tragedy. 8. Dressing in dark clothes and never talking does not make you emo; it makes you Fang-like. 9. French is the universal language. 10. Fang-sized is an acceptable form of measurement. 11. Count your blessings. 12. Teen magazines don't help you in life or death situations. 13. Nachos and Mountain Dew are proper mind controlling devices. 14. Fang has the power to sum up your life story in nine words. 15. Even a kick-ass, leader of a merry band of mutants like Max can make mistakes. 16. Never get hooked on Valium. (Ha, ha, funny story. I was in tears of laughter at it) 17. The best breed of dogs are talking Scotties!! 18. If one cannot be corrupted by power or money, there's always Snicker's bars. 19. It is okay to sell your soul for a chocolate-chip cookie. 20. Kids are better than adults. 21. You'll know the Apocalypse is coming when Max is wearing a dress. 22. The best cooks are blind pyros. 23. Submarines are tiny tin cans of doom. 24. Desert rat should always be cooked to well-done. 25. School really is an evil place. 26. Teachers really are out to get you. 27. Remember to flap. 28. Only one bird kid could pull off preppy Top-Siders. 29. GIRLS KICK BOYS' BUTTS!! 30. The order of power: God, Jesus, Chuck Norris, Max, Fang, Angel, Iggy, Gazzy, Nudge, Total, humans, animals. Brigid, Sam and Lissa don’t make the list. 31. Kids rule the world 32. You get wings at school (I've been going for years. *checks back* still nothing...) Maximum Ride Quotes (If you haven't read the books, will sound really weird and random) "I know everything, as I continue to remind you." -Fang "I love Nudge, I really do. But that motor mouth of her's could have turned mother Theresa into an Axe murderer" - Max from Maximum Ride "Yes! Freaks RULE!" ~Fang "Fang! This is a huge break! Of course we should go check it out!" "But we're grounded." stare at each other for a second and burst out laughing ~Max and Fang "I look like prep school Barbie. looks at Max Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just Barbie's friend." ~Nudge "Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then Terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R." ~Gasman "You...are...a...fridge...with wings. We're...freaking...ballet...dancers." ~Fang "Fang, Fang, Fang. I love you. I love you sooo much." "Oh, jeez." ~Max and Fang "Pick a tree. I'll go carve our initials in it." ~Fnick "Because all you mad, evil scientists sit around whipping up batches of Pillsbury's finest during your coffee breaks." ~Max "I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent. so people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky in their eyes! Now, that's a plan!" -Iggy "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony." ~Iggy "Fang? Are you - like Max?" "Nope. I'm the smart one." ~Dr. Martinez and Fang "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica." ~Fang "Oh yeah, 'cause Fang is all about the wordy sharing of feelings." ~Max "'Iggy, this is not a democracy," I said understanding his fear but not being able to do anything about it. "It's a Maxocracy.'"-From Max Ride: The Angel Experiment "Ok, so that did me in. Mr. Rock being all emotional? Expressing feelings?..., total flock hug, and I put my head on Fang's shoulder and cried."- Max, MR4 "The one thing I really can't stand is when Max and the others are in pain or upset. Not upset as in angry or teed off, 'cause God knows if that got to me I'd be totally out of luck." -Fang "I let my jaw drop open, looking from him to Fang and back, and then Iggy was smiling huge in a way he never does, and Fang was grinning in a way he hardly ever does, and I felt like skipping around like a ballerina, which i promise you, I never, ever do." -Max, MR4 "I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -- Iggy "Well that went down like a frieking ton of bricks." - Max "I vill now eat nine Snikuhs bars. Visouht bafhing." -Gazzy "Deplete the world's population by half?? Wow, they've been busy little buggers."- Fang "Your really really scary, you know that?"- Max "Yet I could kick your doughy Eurotrash butt from here to next Tuesday. So that's something." -Max "Am I strong? Sure. Am I hardcore? Yep. Did I wimper with pathetic delight as I sank my teeth into my hot chicken sandwich? You betcha." - Max "What happened to your tan?" "It was dirt" -Max and Fang "Can I come in?" "No, I'm in a towel." "I'm blind." - Max and Iggy "You just can't kill people like you used to." - Fang “You were designed to be very smart, Max. We electrically stimulated your synaptic nerve endings while your brain was developing.' “Fang: “Let them blow up the world, and global-warm it, and pollute it. You and me and the others will be holed up somewhere, safe. We’ll come back out when they’re all gone, done playing their games of world domination." "Boys, God doesn't like you" - Fang "I know everything, as I continue to remind you." -Fang "I love Nudge, I really do. But that motor mouth of her's could have turned mother Theresa into an Axe murderer" - Max from Maximum Ride "Yes! Freaks RULE!" ~Fang "Fang! This is a huge break! Of course we should go check it out!" "I look like prep school Barbie. looks at Max Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just Barbie's friend." ~Nudge "Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then Terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R." ~Gasman "You...are...a...fridge...with wings. We're...freaking...ballet...dancers." ~Fang "Fang, Fang, Fang. I love you. I love you sooo much." "Oh, jeez." ~Max and Fang "Pick a tree. I'll go carve our initials in it." ~Fnick "Because all you mad, evil scientists sit around whipping up batches of Pillsbury's finest during your coffee breaks." ~Max "I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent. so people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky in their eyes! Now, that's a plan!" -Iggy "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony." ~Iggy "Fang? Are you - like Max?" "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica." ~Fang "Oh yeah,'cause Fang is all about the wordy sharing of feelings." ~Max "'Iggy, this is not a democracy," I said understanding his fear but not being able to do anything about it. "It's a Maxocracy.'"-From Max Ride: The Angel Experiment "Ok, so that did me in. Mr. Rock being all emotional? Expressing feelings?..., total flock hug, and I put my head on Fang's shoulder and cried."- Max, MR4 "The one thing I really can't stand is when Max and the others are in pain or upset. Not upset as in angry or teed off, 'cause God knows if that got to me I'd be totally out of luck." -Fang "I let my jaw drop open, looking from him to Fang and back, and then Iggy was smiling huge in a way he never does, and Fang was grinning in a way he hardly ever does, and I felt like skipping around like a ballerina, which i promise you, I never, ever do." -Max, MR4 "I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -- Iggy Birth months and their meanings: Jan: Jealous type Feb: hard to love, moody, sometimes crazy March: sweet, kind of picky or hard to please April: sometimes naughty or bothersome but falls in love hard May: honest but sometimes sways to other people other than partner June: lover, user, playboy/girl July: stick-to-one, serious Aug: loyal, caring Sept: scared to fall in love and get hurt Oct: not satisfied with just one, deceiver Nov: serious, bossy, hot-headed Dec: loving, two-timer Quotes from books: MORTAL INSTRUMENTS "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the "That's why when major badasses greet each other in movies, they don't say anything, they just nod. The nod means, 'I' am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass,' but they don't say anything because they're Wolverine and Magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain" (Clary) Patience grasshopper," said Maia. "Good things come to those who wait." "I always thought that it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave'", said Simon. "No wonder I've been so confused all my life." Jace - "So it's true. You can walk in sunlight" "I thought perhaps it might have worn off' Simon - "If i feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know." “There is no pretending," Jace said with absolute clarity. "I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then.” Jace to Clary "...Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?' Jace said, "Unfortunately, Lady of the Haven, my one true love remains myself." ..."At least," she said, "you don't have to worry about rejection, Jace Wayland." "Not necessarily. I turn myself down occasionally, just to keep it interesting." Jace "Jesus" Luke exclaimed "No its just me" said Simon "but I've been told the resemblance is startling." Luke Simon "Mom and dad won't be pleased if they find out." "That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'?" Jace?" "Yeah?" "How did you know I had Shadowhunter blood? Was there some way you could tell?" The elevator arrived with a final groan. Jace unlatched the gate and slid it open. The inside reminded Clary of a birdcage, all black metal and decorative bits of gilt. "I guessed," he said, latching the door behind them. "It seemed like the most likely explanation." "You guessed? You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me." He pressed a button in the wall, and the elevator lurched into action with a vibrating groan that she felt all through the bones in her feet. "I was ninety percent sure." "I see," Clary said. There must have been something in her voice, because he turned to look at her. Her hand cracked across his face, a slap that rocked him back on his heels. He put a hand to his cheek, more in surprise than pain. "What the hell was that for?" "The other ten percent," she said, and they rode the rest of the way down to the street in silence. (Clary Jace) "'the cuckoo bird,' she said. 'You see, cuckoos are parasites. They lay their eggs in other birds' nests. When the egg hatches, the baby cuckoo pushes the other baby birds out of the nest. The poor parent birds work themselves to death trying to find enough food to feed the enormous cuckoo child who has murdered their babies and taken their places.' 'Enormous?' said Jace. 'Did you just call me fat?' 'It was an analogy.' 'I am not fat. (Jace) " I am a man, and men do not consume pink beverages. Get thee gone, woman, and bring me something brown." (Jace) HUNGER GAMES Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it." -Peeta Mellark But even on the smooth bed of needles, Peeta is loud. And I mean loud loud, as if he's stomping his feet or something. I turn and look at him. "You here to finish me off, sweeheart?" -Peeta "Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to... to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games.'' -Peeta Mellark, The Hunger Games "...you've got about as much charm as a dead slug..." -Haymitch. “Peeta, how come I never know when you're having a nightmare?” I say. You and a syringe against the Capitol? See, this is why no one lets you make the plans." -Haymitch. "The bird, the pin, the song, the berries, the watch, the cracker, the dress that burst into flames. I am the mockingjay. The one that survived despite the Capitol's plans. The symbol of rebellion." -Katniss may the odds be ever in your favor" - Effie "Fire is catching,and if we burn you burn with us" -katniss "there are worse games to play" "'Poor Finnick. Is this the first time in your life you haven't looked pretty?' I say. "You don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope | |||||
1. A Fall With Answers? » reviewsCammie escapes to find answers. Will she make it all the way? Or will she bump into someone on the way who changes her decision. Enjoy! DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN! ALLY CARTER DOES!Gallagher Girls - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,809 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 12-31-10 - Published: 12-26-10 - Cammie M. & Zach G. - Complete
