Author has written 8 stories for Hunger Games, Castle, Dogma, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, and Stargate: Atlantis.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
If you secretly hoped to get a letter from Hogwarts when you were 11, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you cried when Fred Weasley died, and not afraid to admit it, copy, paste this on your profile.
If you like to pretend Fred is still alive,copy and paste this into your profile.
Flame me not,lest i use *gasp* sarcasm!
And this made me giggle:
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
PMS - Possible Murder Suspect
As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the hell is my ceiling?"
I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.
Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!
Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.
I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!
A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting in the next cell, laughing, and saying, "That was fun, let's do it again!"
A good friend helps find your Prince Charming. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS:never ask anything to eat or drink
BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food
FREINDS:Call your parents M. Mrs and grandma and grandpa
BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail
BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up
FRIENDS: Never seen you cry
BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore
FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall
BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"
FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain
BESTFRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"
FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected
BESTFRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"
FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail
BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"
FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number
BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later
BESTFRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you
BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life
FREINDS: Will leave you behind if thats what everyone else is doing
BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door
BESTFRIENDS: Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME"
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell
BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell
FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)
BESTFRIENDS: Are for life
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think youve had enough
BESTFRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you know we dont waste
FREINDS: Will ignore this
BESTFRIENDS: Will repost this crap.
Weird is running up and down the street in a bikini, rubbing butter all over yourself, and screaming "I'm a pretty muffin!"
You say I'm not cool. But cool is the same as cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
People are like slinkies. Basically useless, but it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.
When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump off a bridge, I laugh harder.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
To date, life has been a race between Software companies making bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe making bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.
Smile. It scares people.
An overly-positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it!
There are easier things to do in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.
A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."
I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?
The knack of flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
Whoever said words don't hurt have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head.
Sticks and stones may brake my bones, but words will eventually kill me
Hell hath no fury that of a scorned woman. I'll help make sure of it.
When someone annoys you, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend your arm and whack them upside the head.
I get plenty of exercise; jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Life isn't passing me by! It's trying to run me over!
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'
I didn’t escape from the mental ward! Those sirens are a complete coincidence!
Drive like you stole it!
I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me
That does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast!
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
I know who I am...your approval really isn't needed
Normal people worry me
I stopped fighting my inner demons quite some time ago. We're on the same side now.
I do not have an attitude problem! I have an attitude, but I just can't find a problem with it (note: do NOT use this on your Math teacher when she yells at you about your attitude. Not if you like living.)
Anyone: Go to hell!
You: I did. But Hell was full, so I came back
And to think you are the result of millions of years of evolution.
There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.
Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Everyday I think people can't get any dumber. Everyday I'm proven horribly wrong.
When life gives us Jonas brothers, we throw Jonas Brothers back really, really hard and demand Green Day.
It's not PMS...it's you
I'm not mean, I just say what most people keep in their heads.
I don't need your attitude, I have my own.
I'm not mean, you're just a sissy.
You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.
Be the type of woman, that when your feet land on the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil thinks: "Oh, crap! She's up!"
Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, “You will die in seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
A good friend Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. A best friend Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds’ butt that left you.
A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions
A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.
A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.
A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.
A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.
A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
Copy this ^ and highlight the ones you are. this is for people who typically stereotype people.
Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is Optional.
Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.
You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had
Yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet
Save the earth. it's the only planet with chocolate.
There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry.
MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those
who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he
will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Thanks to my readers from:
-United Arab Emirates
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