╔ღ═╗╔╗
╚╗╔╝║║ღ═╦╦╦═ღ
╔╝╚╗ღ╚╣║║║║╠╣
╚═ღ╝╚═╩═╩ღ╩═╝

O.o.O.o.O.o

10 Things That Drive Me Crazy
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my butt when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say ‘Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too’. You’re darn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
4. When people say ’it’s always the last place you look’. Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film ‘did you see that?’. No, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the stupid floor.
6. People who ask ‘Can I ask you a question?’…… Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is ‘new and improved!’ Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn’t be new.
8. When people say ‘life is short’. What the heck?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks ‘Has the bus come yet?’. If the bus came would I be standing here, freak?
10. The freakin’ birds that chirp at 5:00 am in the morning! Don’t they know I’m sleeping?

O.o.O.o.O.o

Some funny quotes:

When life gives you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it, and tell life to make its own damn lemonade

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

There's nothing wrong with talking to objects, it's when they start talking back that you need to worry.

A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure.

Men are like a bank account. Without a lot of money, they don't generate a lot of interest.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you can get the warm feeling that it brings.

There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people.

If Barbie isn't a slut, then why do people always have to buy her boyfriends?

Wal-mart. Do they make walls there?

No comment is a comment.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

O.o.O.o.O.o

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will hide in your suitcase.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dig an escape tunnel with your plastic spork after their breaks.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOOOME!"

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

o.O.o.O.o

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me TELEPATHY.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

o.O.o.O.o

- Sorcerer's Stone:

Lee Jordan was finding it difficult not to take sides.
"So-after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating-"
"Jordan!" growled Professor McGonagall.
"I mean, after that open and revolting foul-"
"Jordan, I'm warning you-"
"All right, all right. Flint nearly kills the Gryffindor Seeker, which could happen to anyone, I'm sure..."

"Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?"
"Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious..."

- Chamber of Secrets:

Hermione, however, clapped a hand to her forehead. "Harry -- I think I've just understood something! I've got to go to the library!" And she sprinted away, up the stairs.
"What does she understand?" said Harry distractedly, still looking around, trying to tell where the voice had come from.
"Loads more than I do." said Ron, shaking his head.
"But why's she got to go to the library?"
"Because that's what Hermione does," said Ron, shrugging. "When in doubt, go to the library."

- Prisoner of Azkaban:

As though an invisible hand were writing upon it, words appeared on the smooth surface of the map. "Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
Snape froze. Harry stared, dumbstruck, at the message. But the map didn't stop there. More writing was appearing beneath the first.
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
It would have been funny if the situation hadn't been so serious. And there was more...
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."
Harry closed his eyes in horror. When he'd opened them, the map had had its last word.
"Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."

Trelawney: "Would anyone like me to help interpret the shadowy realms within their orb?"
Ron: "I don't need help, it's obvious what this means: there's going to be loads of fog tonight."

- Goblet of Fire:

Ron: "Who're you going with then?"
Fred: "Angelina."
Ron: "What? You've already asked her?"
Fred: "Good point. OI, ANGELINA! WANT TO COME TO THE BALL WITH ME?"

- Order of the Phoenix

"Didn't you listen to Dolores Umbridge's speech at the start-of-term feast, Potter?"
"Yeah," said Harry. "Yeah...she said...progress will be prohibited or...well, it meant that...that the Ministry of Magic is trying to interfere at Hogwarts."
"Well, I'm glad you listen to Hermione Granger at any rate."

Dudley: "Mark Evans cheeked me."
Harry: "Yeah? Did he say you look like a pig that's been taught to walk on its hind legs? 'Cause that's not cheek, Dud, that's true."

- Half-Blood Prince:

"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing nonverbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me 'sir,' Professor."

Talking about Inferi in DADA... "When we come face-to-face with one down a dark alley, we're going to be having a look to see if it's solid, aren't we? We're not going to be asking, 'Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?'"

- Deathly Hallows:

“I was awake half the night thinking it all over, and I believe it’s a plot to get the house.”
“The house?” repeated Harry. “What house?”
“This house!” shrieked Uncle Vernon, the vein in his forehead starting to pulse. “Our house! House prices are skyrocketing around here! You want us out of the way and then you’re going to do a bit of hocus-pocus and before we know it the deeds will be in your name and—“
“Are you out of your mind?” demanded Harry. “A plot to get this house? Are you actually as stupid as you look?”

RULES FOR LIFE AT HOGWARTS

1) I will not send You-Know-Who a letter saying, 'I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!'

2) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

4) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

5) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

6) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.

7) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "Time of the Month."

8) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

9) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

10) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

11) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.

12) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazis is simply coincidental.

13) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

14) I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting, "I got the power!"

15) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions. (Highly inappropriate, albeit very funny.)

16) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom.

17) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.

18) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

20) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

21) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."

22) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

23) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.

24) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

25) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot, gay sex will occur.

26) It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagal that she takes herself too seriously.

27) "Ya'll check this shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental
spell.

28) I will not say the phrase, "Dude, get a life," to Voldemort.

29) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

30) I will not tell the teachers that Voldemort stole my homework.

31) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

I am very proud of you for taking your time to read all of that (unless just scrolled down the page to look at my stories and favorites and caught a glimpse of this. If so, ignore the first sentence of this) I am sorry to inform you you have wasted 10 minutes of your life reading through my profile, but since you are on fanfiction and reading random people's profiles, I can correctly assume you have no life. No offense. (though when people say that, they mean lots of offense) It's not a bad thing ur a nerd. Nerds are the rulers of the world.

If you are a Nerd, copy and paste this onto your account. Show the world you're an nerd!