Hola! Como estas! Bienvenidos a mi perfil!

Hi, how are you! Welcome to my profile!

I also have an account at AdultFanFiction.net because some of my sex scenes were going past the M-rating. I'm also Chas Aegis over there.

If you're looking for help with a story idea you have, fixing plot holes or just want to bounce story ideas with other people, stop by the Plot Tinkerer's Emporium!

If you're looking for rp forums for Naruto, Final Fantasy VII, Digimon, Fullmetal Alchemist, Final Fantasy X-X2, Pokemon or W.I.T.C.H., stop by Cassidy S. Waters' collection of forums . Nearly something for everyone!

Some of my likes are: Diagnosis Murder, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Highlander, Star Wars, Star Trek, Fruits Basket, Saiyuki, FLCL, Bleach, Voltron, Gatchaman and NCIS.

*NOTICE*

I never leave unsigned reviews. If you get one that is "signed" by me, it isn't mine.

I'm always fair and constructive in my reviews. If I'm harsh, rarely with profanity or name calling, it's because something offended me. I stand by my words and have spoken with those I've been harsh with. Most I've reached a mutual understanding with, so I know their intentions were not to offend.

To all the idiots sending me pms then blocking me.

I can't read them when you block me, nor do I bother reading my e-mail alerts. You just wasted your time sending me something I'll never read.

To all the revenge reviewers who thought I'd be upset at the "flames" they post on my stories, please. As if your misspelled, incoherent, uninformed, judgmental ramblings would. If you didn't like my review to your, or your favorite story, that's your problem. You can't handle an honest opinion, which is my right to express, and it's bugging the hell out of you where you can't simply move on and forget about me. Whether or not you agree with what I said or what I stand for doesn't matter one little bit to me. I don't care about your feelings or opinions. Do yourself a favor and get a life. Act like an adult and ignore me if you think I'm wrong. There are better things you can do with your time than trying to get back at me.

Critics United

So much for retirement...

As a favor to Son of Palpatine, I'm back as a mod and senior member of Critics United.

If you'd like to know more about CU, maybe even get some help or feedback from one of us on how to improve your story do it right here.

Even though I'm back with CU, I still won't entertain any whining or griping about them. Why? Why should I?

However, if you insist on looking for sympathy, look it up in the dictionary between 'shit' and 'syphilis' because you ain't gonna find it here.

Posting on this site is a privilege, not a right. The admins don't have to allow any of us to post here. They do ask us following a few simple rules. If you don't like the rules, petition the admins to change them or go somewhere else. Don't gripe to me about it.

If I haven't been clear enough, then my answer to a question asked in CU's Complain/Give Thanks thread should sum things up nicely:

"I have a very simple question, which higher deity gave you this holiest of missions?"

Site admins.

The folks who own the site.

The gods of our world here.

They who declared when we all got our accounts, "Goeth forth and patrol thyselves!"

They who declared, "Thou shall have report buttons on every chapter of every story and every review." and so such buttons appeared.

We make sacrifices of violators to these gods that they may bless us and grant us mercy.

Ah-men.

Favorite quotes found perusing the internet:

'I’m starting to want to go up to these people and introduce myself or give them my card and say, “Hi, I’m Lizzie – maybe you should stop staring and start learning”.’ - Lizzie Velasquez born with the inability to gain body fat and cruelly named 'Ugliest Woman in the World by online bullies.

"Wars begin where you will, but they do not end where you please." - Niccolo Machiavelli.

"Nothing I can do for you until you recognize it wasn't 'Islam' that attacked on 9/11/01, It was Al-Qaeda that attacked America, hiding behind Islam..." -Unknown

"Under no circumstances will I ever purchase anything offered to me as the result of an unsolicited e-mail message. Nor will I forward chain letters, petitions, mass mailings, or virus warnings to large numbers of others. This is my contribution to the survival of the online community." - Roger Ebert

I have a stalker named Bill!

You know who you are! I absolutely hate YOU!

He keeps hanging around my house despite my best efforts to be rid of him. I think he likes me! And when I think I'm finally rid of him, he keeps coming back! I think he loves me!

He comes in many forms... telephone bill, water bill, electric bill, gas bill, garbage bill, insurance bill, cable bill, Dr. bill...

If you drive by my house and see him, feel free to shoot his ass on sight!

Women's Ass Size Study

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting.

Thirty percent of women think their asses are too fat.

Ten percent of women think their asses are too skinny.

The remaining sixty percent say they don't care. They love him, he is a good man and wouldn't trade him for the world.

Fanfiction likes

Constructive reviews Especially when they don't like something they'll take the time to tell you why they don't like something.

Writers who work on their story This runs the gamut from proofreading before posting to really thinking out your plot line. Plot holes are forgivable. I've seen it happen to the best of writers and the more complicated the story, the more likely it happens. Everything else is laziness.

Writers who accept constructive criticism Shows you read your reviews, even if you don't answer each one and that you care about improving your skills.

Writers who don't care about review counts If you're having a blast writing, it shows and makes it more enjoyable for your readers. Otherwise it's like watching one of the Mainstreet parades at Disneyland and seeing a supposedly happy, dancing dwarf looking really bored and pissy. Just kills the mood.

Fanfiction dislikes

Incomplete reviews The ones saying your story is great is acceptable because people simply want to let you know they liked it. It's the ones that say they didn't like your fic or it sucked that make you wonder why they bothered. A writer can't improve if you don't tell them what's wrong. Even if you didn't like what they did, show some intelligence and explain why you didn't like what a person wrote.

Writers demanding reviews, but don't make improvements A lot of writers simply don't have the time to go back and rework their fics. Annoying, but understandable. I'm referring to those who state 'my spelin suks but i'm knot goin to corect it.' If a story is that badly written because of spelling, grammar, a confusing plot line, etc. why bother to post it?

Fanfiction is supposed to be fun, not a struggle in endurance and comprehension. I have a better chance of understanding the Wallstreet Journal written in Chinese than some of the poorly written crap that gets posted. If all you want is "it's great!" you'll just have to content yourself with five reviews claiming "diz iz kewl pls upd8 soon!" while I move on to the better stuff without a glance back

Writers holding stories hostage for reviews Aka, attention whoring. Whenever someone writes they won't continue if they don't get 'X' number of reviews, I just snort and hit the 'back' button. You're no different than the proverbial little monkey dancing for the crowd for peanuts, but since getting the peanuts is dependent on your performance and attitude, it means you're in no position to demand anything. And you'll never be cuter than the monkey.

Plagiarizers! If you didn't write it, it's not yours and any reviews are meaningless because it's NOT YOURS! Plagiarizers are pathetic attention whores. NO ONE likes them. No matter how you justify it, you wouldn't like it done to you.

This does not apply to writers who are inspired by another's work and write a similar story. Some have been unfairly accused of plagiarizing because some elements of their story is similar to another. That's not plagiarism. If you take an idea and make it your own despite the similarities to someone else's work that's okay. At least be courteous to let the original author know they inspired you. You'll find most people are flattered and want to know when you post to see what you came up with off of their idea. You basically get another reader without much effort.

Writers who treat incest and rape like loving sex acts Writers like to challenge themselves by tackling taboo topics like incest, rape, abuse, etc. Some writers want to expose the ugly side of humanity, they want to break the silence that allows these heinous acts to continue unpunished. These writers aren't trying to glorify rape and incest and do a pretty good job portraying them for the ugly, deviant, sick acts they are.

I hate when rape and incest are treated as sex acts that lead to love with the perpetrator. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Obviously you've never known a victim and were never a victim to know how horrible an experience that is. You're stupid and lack the empathy God gave a shark. It would NEVER happen how it's typically written and only under certain, long-term conditions. Even then, it would be a perceived love, not the real thing.

This is on Jordan Lives profile {http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1515875/Jordan_Lives} and with his permission I'm posting them here. His points sum up a lot of my own opinions nicely. I've made my own modifications to fit my own opinions better.

Fanfiction Annoyances

Formerly: Things Author's of Fanfiction do seemingly just to piss off me, and every other decently competent writer on this site

(I can tolerate a lot of this stuff or avoid them like the plague. People write stories with these elements because they like it and there's an audience who will read them, though I'm at a loss to figure out why. Hey, whatever floats your boat. I'm just sharing what annoys me.)

Make characters not as strong as they should be: "Oh look I'm the second Espada! I'm stronger than any Gotei 13 captain, Fear me! Oh no I just got wtfpwned by this 4 year old Mary Sue nobody! It's not like according to Kubo Tite something with significantly less spiritual pressure than something else cannot physically cut that thing." What's the point in making a character incapable of keeping up with the rest of the characters?

Granted it's possible in Naruto because civilians live among the ninjas, but you gotta admit the civilians just aren't as interesting as the ninjas. Other than the fact Naruto would be deprived of his lifeblood, who really cares if Teuchi and Ayame dies? That's what instant ramen is for.

Or make characters too strong: "Bwahaha, I'm Naruto Uzumaki, tremble! In the Anime I suck at life in general and have stumbled along on sheer dumb luck and stubbornness. But just cuz I found a magic sword in this forest while tripping on acid and cutting myself because the village just tried to murder me for the 9001th time (Because obviously it's over 9000), now I can destroy the world by blinking! Fear me, Blink! Blink!!"

When you make characters too strong it destroys what is known as 'Suspension of Disbelief,' that thing which let's you read a story about ninjas blowing giant dragons made of fire out of their mouths and summoning toads the size of skyscrapers and not go every three seconds, "but that denies every law of motion, thermodynamics and even the theory of relativity! Hey! The space on the inside of that magical toad is bigger than the space on the outside!"

It's what leads people to never question that somehow when people die they go to a place exactly like feudal Japan, or that every dead person speaks Japanese! Or the fact that when these 'Souls' die a second time they get reincarnated into a baby.

What if there's not enough babies? Or too many souls? Do you know how impossible it would be for the world to be regulated by that? "Oh no! We've somehow managed to keep a thousand souls from dying a second time...a thousand Korean kids were just born souless...well damn, that's unfortunate. Looks like Aizen just slaughtered 9001 (again over 9000) residents of Rukongai, what do we do with all these dead people with no bodies to put them in?...Force Premature births? Then they'll end up right here."

People keep reading theses fics because we are temporarily able to suspend our inclination to disbelieve things that go against what we know to be true. However, when things are too outrageous we can't do that...and then the story becomes torture to read. Makes you question your own sanity and wonder why you wasted precious time of your fading life on reading such a fic in the first place.

Rewriting the entire series, or certain parts: Look AU stories are fun, no doubt about it, but who wants to just redo canon? Don't argue your version is way different or better because guess what? It usually isn't.

A lot of writers fall into the trap of writing nearly the exact same story as the original without realizing it until it's too late, assuming they ever realize it at all. Then there are those who simply rewrite a certain sequence of events key to the original storyline. I've read very few rewrites where the writers made the chunin exams their own. Actually, only a couple.

Yeah, I get that you're setting the story at a time where you can't avoid the chunin exams, for example. However, if you can, please do us all a favor and just skip them entirely. You can simply refer back to them in the narrative because, honestly, I think the original chunin exam was the best.

Yaoi! and Yuri! Writers usually cater to their own yaoi or yuri fetishes. It's not my cup of tea, but I've read some good stories that contain yaoi (admittedly I have not read any good yuri, and no, I'm not that interested in finding any either, so please don't point them out). However, notice in that sentence I wrote 'good stories that contain.' I am a heterosexual female with a gay uncle who really isn't all that interested in homosexual sex.

A lot of yaoi and yuri are nothing but lousy sex showcases. If I want good sex fiction, I know a couple of sites specializing in erotic fiction where they're far better than the cut and paste crap posted here. I don't have a problem with yaoi if the story is good and the sex isn't the sole focus.

Jordan Lives, who I got this list from, has a really hilarious, but true take on this issue. I don't agree exactly with his point of view, but he makes a very valid argument, so I'm going to go ahead and quote this part instead of deleting it.

"Just because I haven't ever peeped on women in the bathtub, or tried to cop a feel I'm obviously a raging Homosexual." Homosexuality is only okay in my book when the author himself has stated: that character is as flaming as a tent full of drunk clowns doused in gasoline on the 4th of July.

But no...the only characters you guys don't force to get raped up the A by their unwilling coworkers are the ones that have left no doubt as to their heterosexuality, which is apparently only possible by being a giant fucking pervert."

I personally never understood why anyone would make a character who clearly isn't gay a homosexual. I guess it's no different than me making Naruto a girl. I won't deny I've read some good stories where the characters are homosexual, but a majority are so badly done that I question if the writer even knows one. So that's why this is merely an annoyance.

Annoying things writers stick in their summaries

There's so little space for a summary, so why waste it on this stuff? Here's an example of what I thought was the all time best summary I've read. It clearly states the plot of a story called 'Kimimaro' and shows summaries aren't that hard: THIS STORY IS ABOUT KIMIMARO AND A GIRL NAMED MADDIE. See? Succinct and to the point. It doesn't get any better than that.

I suck at summaries! Summaries are very hard for people to write, but I'll give a story a chance if the basic idea is interesting. A lousy summary does not translate into a crappy story. Usually. However, if you HAVE to point out your summary sucks that must mean you think I'm too stupid to realize the obvious, so I guess I'm just too stupid to read your story.

Please read and review! or Read it! Umm, isn't it obvious that if we want to, we're going to? I mean, that is what this site is for, reading and writing. I'm sorry, but no matter how nicely you ask or how much you demand, I'm not going to read your fic just because you tell me to. As for the review, well, if I have something worthwhile to say, I will, otherwise don't tell me what to do.

My spelin n gramner suks Be smart about this and don't point it out because I know I won't read if I get a warning like that. You might be able to trick me into wasting my time into reading more than a couple of chapters if you don't scare me off from the get go.

Stating the pairing FF.net has a nifty feature that allows a writer to select the main characters of a story. Shows up beneath the summary along with the rating, word count, etc. So why state it?

One exception is if there's a change in a character's gender. For example: kaka/femnaru. Another is if the pairing indicated doesn't happen right away. For example, two characters start out as a couple then break up and the two characters listed hooked up.

Stating the rating See 'Stating the pairing' because it's the same thing.

Flamers not welcome! Ignoring the fact that many writers can't seem to tell the difference between a flamer or a concritter, you never hear anyone say 'I LOVE flamers.' It goes without saying.

Hmmmm, okay, I know some writers who validated when they get a flame because all they get is 'I love your story! Update soon!'

Anyway, putting this in the summary just attracts the very ones you don't want reviewing your story.

Stupid, misused or unjustly mutilated words Currently there's a fad of taking a perfectly legit word and deforming it into something idiotic.

Take "words" like 'chappie' and 'smexy.'

Do you realize 'chappie' has the same amount of letters as 'chapter' and sounds REALLY stupid? I feel a couple of IQ points die whenever I'm assaulted by this supposed word.

'Smexy,' what the HELL is this supposed to mean? 'Sexy' is a perfectly legitimate, CORRECT word.

'Plunnies' have been showing up lately. I've got plot bunnies who are ADHD idiots who go nuts when they get into the sugar, booze or any illegal substance. However, I'm NOT going to further kill any existing brain cells by typing such a stupid "word" because it's 'cute' or 'fun-e'.