Welcome to Water Wolf 100's home page!!!!!

"Fanfiction is what literature might look like if it were reinvented from scratch after a nuclear apocalypse by a band of brilliant pop-culture junkies trapped in a sealed bunker. They don't do it for money. That's not what it's about. The writers write it and put it up online just for the satisfaction. They're fans, but they're not silent, couchbound consumers of media. The culture talks to them, and they talk back to the culture in its own language."

—Lev Grossman, TIME, July 18, 2011

Name: Just call me Wolfie

Age-it's a number

Location- In front of my computer

Bio: Well- I’m really random. That sums up a huge portion of my personality right there. The other part is just pure insanity. Though I think normalcy and sanity are vastly over-rated anyway so it’s all good. I LOVE reading and writing. To me writing is a form of art. I paint pictures with words instead of paint. I’m also a dancer, another form of art. On top of that I play clarinet so basically I’m an artist. Sad thing is, I can’t draw or paint to save my life. My friends and family mean the world to me. And my best friends are as insane as I am.

Check me out on youtube!!!! http://www.youtube.com/user/Xwaterwolf100X especially if you like Fruits Basket or Digimon hahaha

I get my ideas from my very own plot bunny named Skip. He has been my friend recently and I never ever want him to go away. I love you Skip the plot bunny!!!

All right I feel like making one thing perfectly clear right now. I have 0 tolerence for flamers. I think people who flame are simply being immature and I won't put up with it. I'm aware that the site gives them the right to give constructive criticsm but that is not the same thing as flaming. So if you are a flamer- move along and don't even bother reading my stories. Also, if I see a flame on someone else's story I will probably write a long review about said comment because it's not appropriate to say hurtful things about a fellow author's work. Flamers you have been warned. That it all.

Favorite books- so many I’ll just list a few. The Sight, Alex Rider series, Maximum Ride, Power of Five series, Twilight, Harry Potter, Hunger Games trilogy, Virals series, as well as a bunch of various magna.

Favorite TV shows- Survivor, Amazing Race, Criminal Minds, Bones, Digimon (season 1-4), Pokémon (season 1-6), Yu-gi-oh (pre-GX), Ghost Hunt, Xiaolin Showdown, Three Delivery, House of Anubis, Doctor Who, Scooby-Doo plus a TON others mostly a bunch of early 2000 cartoons and some old 90’s ones as well. Man those were the days…

Favorite video games- anything Kingdom Hearts (I’m just a tad bit obsessed), Legend of Zelda, Harvest Moon, FF VII, Pokémon games, Sly Cooper

Things I don't like: Texting and driving, bullies, abortion, drugs, alcohol, guns, war, hatred, bad book endings, Twilight, poor grammar, teachers who don't teach very well, flammers, OC challenge stories, people who can't take a joke, strawberries

Some of my favorite quotes:

…Mmmm...Mori like seashells (Ouran Academy Host Club bloopers reel)

You give me hot pants (line from A Flea in Her Ear)

Go rot in a vat of tarter sauce (a friend of mine when she got mad at dying while playing Kingdom Hearts)

That was a superman move right there (same friend after watching me be awsome while playing Sly Cooper)

It’s a mell of a hess in here (chapel director at a church retreat. she walked in while we were still setting up and it was very messy in the room at the time)

That’s like trying to count grains of dust in a room of sneezing people (Axel- Kingdom Heart 358/2 Days)

May all your bacon burn (Calcifer- Howel's moving castle)

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it (found it on someone's profile- don't know who)

Cancer is no for whimps and I am not a whimp (my dear friend Jayne at a relay for life. She was the survivor of the year- but she ended up dying later on that year)

Oh we do to have hearts. Don't be mad (Demyx from Kingdom Hearts 2)

You're a diabolital little pyro aren't you? (A line from Max: A Maximum Ride Novel)

Behold my under suop kingdom (Tobey from Three Delivery)

Ah man I never thought cooking could make you feel dizzy. (TK Digimon 02 Ghost of a Chance)

The following quotes are from Fruits Basket--

Kyo: Just like I'll beat you one of these days. Yuki: Wait, wait I think I've heard this one before.

Waaaahhhh Kyo's picking on me!!! (Momiji)

We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage.' I believe the technical term is 'being an ass.' (Shigure about Kyo)

High school girls high school girls all for me high school girls (Shigure's high school girls song)

Kyo: "Wipe that smug little smirk off your face before I come over there and do it for ya. Yeah, you'll be sorry then, won't ya, and I’ll make you say it."
Yuki: "I'm sorry."
Kyo: "Shut up! You’re a real wise-ass, you know that?"
Yuki: "At least I'm not the noisy idiot who's causing a scene outside the store."
Kyo: "Oh, you've done it now, girly boy! We're taking this outside!"
Yuki: "We already are outside, you stupid cat."

Shigure: (fake crying) "There I called her. I called my editor. I hope you're happy."
Hatori: "Yes I am. Stop crying."
Shigure: (still crying) "How can I?! You spoiled all my fun!"
Hatori: "You call yourself an adult."

Yuki: "What can I learn from a stupid cat like you? You didn’t even know that Jason isn’t really a bear. He’s a character in a horror film."
Kyo: "Yeah? So what if I didn’t? Like I’d waste my time watching some movie about a bear!"
Yuki: You truly are an idiot."

Fabian: That was seriously scary. It's eyes were glowing and looking at me and ugh!
Nina: Don't worry. I won't tell anyone the painting of a little girl made you so scared you screamed.
Fabian: I didn't scream. (House of Anubis)

Nina: Fabian you got it!
Jerome: Got what?
Fabian: Looks, brains, charms. You know, all those things you don't have Jerome (House of Anubis)

Fabian: Why are you dressed as a duck?
Amber: I'm a canary
Fabian: A canary dressed as a duck? (House of Anubis)

Nina: Sarah, her name was Sarah you dummy (House of Anubis)

Jason: You're insane
Rufus: Very good observation (House of Anubis)

" Amber what's with the cloves of garlic? This isn't Twilight!"
"The Bible says always be prepared."
"Amber that's the boy scouts..." (Fabian and Amber. House of Anubis)

(Jerome) "Speak of the devil! Literally I'm surprised my phone didn't burst into flames!" (House of Anubis)

(Alfie)"Falls of his chair in amazement!" (House of Anubis)

(Alfie)"Welcome to we love Mara land! Population: Jerome." (House of Anubis)

(Fabian) "Oh!! This is the girls' toilets! I can see that now!" (HoA)

(Jerome)"Who, Mara? She's the ice queen! The icy queen of ice!" (HoA)
(Jerome)"Tell me Fabian, does it ever get boring always-ALWAYS- being the one to say 'cut it out' or 'that's not right' or 'fun is bad!'" (HoA)

"I'm only going to interrogate him!"
"Don't confuse me with your fancy words!"
"Um it's in the dictionary Amber. It's not fancy." (Patricia and Amber HoA)

(Alfie)"Oh c'mon you've got to get better punishments...like watch 48 hours of television. Oh I REALLY hate TV." (HoA)

(Victor) "What does it look like? I'm releasing an idiot!" (HoA)

(Mrs. Andrews)"I hope you used your time wisely to plan your homework, your projects, and your glittering careers in government!" (HoA)

"Those horrible, nausating children are in on it. I just know it."
"Do you ever think you might be in the wrong job Victor?" (Victor and Mrs. Andrews HoA)

"What did he say?
*Looks down at phone* "It's not repeatable." (Alfie and Jerome HoA)

Ansem: This world has been connected. Tied to the darkness. Soon to be completly eclipsed. There is so very much to learn. You understand so little. (Kingdom Hearts)

Ansem: One who knows nothing can understand nothing. (Kingdom Hearts)

Sora: Kairi! Remember what you said before? I'm always with you too! I'll come back to you, I promise!! (Kingdom Hearts)

Axel: Man talk about blank with a capital B. Man oh man, not even the dusks are gonna crack this one. (Kingdom Hears II)

Demyx: I told them they were sending the wrong guy.
Sora: Who is this kook?
Demyx: Silence traitor (Kingdom Hearts II)

Aerith: Think of it as a sort of 'Leon compliment' (Kingdom Hearts II)

Axel: He...was the only one I liked...he...made me feel..like I had a heart. It's kinda funny...you make me feel...the same (Kingdom Hearts II)

Sora: Xemans. There's more to a heart than just anger or hate. It's filled with all kinds of emotions. Don't you remember? (Kingdom Hearts II)

King Mickey: Aw we don't hate the darkness. It's just kinda...scary. But the world's made of light AND darkness. You can't have one without the other becaue darkness is half of everything. Sorta makes you wonder why we are afraid of the dark.
Riku: It's becaue of who's lurking inside. (Kingdom Hearts II)

Auron: This is my story. And you're not part of it. (Kingdom Hearts II)

Hades: Did you forget who you're talking to? I AM THE LORD OF THE DEAD!
Auron: Hmm...no wonder no one wants to die. (Kingdom Hearts II)

Riku: If the world is made of light and darkness. We'll be the darkness. (Kingdom Hearts II)

Demyx: Dance water dance!! (Kingdom Hearts II)

Roxas: Sora. You're lucky. Looks like my summer vacation is...over. (Kingdom Hearts II)

Saix: If I had a heart. This is where I would die of laughter. (Kingdom Hearts II)

There's a thing called "talent". They don't have it. (Angels in the Outfield)

Tamaki: MAMA! Haruhi is using those foul boy words again!
Kaoru: Mama being...
Kyoya: Based on club postion, i assume that would be me (Ouran Host Club High School)

Ash: If anybody's out there, you can come out. And if you're a monster or a ghost, you can stay where you are (Pokemon)

[About Keramon] "Maybe we should tell someone important like the principal or Bill Gates or something.. (Digimon the Movie)

Moving right along, folks... keep it moving... Our next stop on the tour will be the forest of irrelevant road signs. No pictures, please (Matt, Digimon)

The sky will be darkened by the wings of many bats.The fallen people will invoke the name of the undead Digimon king and when the clock strikes the hour of the beast, the undead king will reveal himself in his true form as the beast.Then angels will shoot arrows of hope and light at the loved ones of those they've been sent to protect, and a miracle will happen. (Genni, Digimon season 1)

Ken: You will bow down before me.
T.K. Takashi: Sorry, the floor's kind of dirty. (Digimon season 2)

T.K. Takashi: When you can't think of anything to say, do you always resort to fighting?
Ken: I guess...
T.K. Takashi: That's your problem. You don't know when to talk and when to fight. Now's a good time to talk... on the other hand... it's also a good time to fight! (punches Ken). (Digimon season 2)

Rowen: Lady Kayura! She's a girl (Ronin Warriors)

Ryo: Your mother wears army boots!! (Ronin Warriors)

The Doctor: Course you're not, you're not scared of anything! Box falls out of the sky, man falls out of box, man eats fish custard, and look at you! Just... sitting there. (Doctor Who)

Amy Pond: I thought... well, I started to think you were just a madman with a box.
The Doctor: Amy Pond, there's something you better understand about me, 'cause it's important and one day your life may depend on it. … I am definitely a madman with a box. (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: Didn't anyone ever tell you? There's one thing you never put in a trap — if you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow — there's one thing you never — ever put in a trap.
Angel Bob: And what would that be, sir?
The Doctor: Me. [fires gun at the ceiling] (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: [shouting] Look at me, I'm a target! (Doctor Who)

River Song: I have questions, but number one is this: What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?
The Doctor: It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool. [Amy takes the fez and throws it in the air, and River blasts it into smithereens.] (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: Oh, this is my friend River. Nice hair, clever, and has her own gun. And unlike me, she really doesn't mind shooting people. I shouldn't like that. Kinda do, a bit. (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: [referring to the Siren] OK, so just like a shark, in a dress and singing and green. A green singing shark in an evening gown! (Doctor Who)

Idris (TARDIS Matrix): You're the Doctor. Focus.
The Doctor: On what? How? I'm a madman with a box, without a box. I'm stuck in a black hole at the end of the universe in a stupid old junkyard! Oh.
Idris: (TARDIS Matrix) Oh what?
The Doctor: I'm not.
Idris (TARDIS Matrix): Not what?
The Doctor: Cause it's not a junkyard. Don't you see, it's not a junkyard.
Idris (TARDIS Matrix): What is it, then?
The Doctor: It's a TARDIS junkyard. Come on Sorry, do you have a name?
Idris (TARDIS MATRIX): Seven hundred years and finally he asks.
The Doctor: But what do I call you?
Idris (TARDIS MATRIX): I think you call me... Sexy?
The Doctor: [embarassed] Only when we're alone.
Idris (TARDIX MATRIX): We are alone.
The Doctor: Oh. Come on, then, Sexy. (Doctor Who)

Idris (TARDIS): I've been looking for a word. A big, complicated word but so sad. I've found it now.
The Doctor: What word?
Idris )TARDIS): "Alive." I'm alive.
The Doctor: Alive isn't sad.
Idris (TARDIS): It's sad when it's over. I'll always be here. But this is when we talked. And now, even that has come to an end. There's something I didn't get to say to you.
The Doctor: Goodbye.
Idris (TARDIS): No. I just wanted to say... hello. Hello, Doctor (Doctor Who)

The House: Fear me. I have killed hundreds of Timelords.
The Doctor: Fear me. I've killed all of them. (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: Anyone in this room who isn't scared is a moron. (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go poke it with a stick. (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: We're too exposed everywhere, and Amy can't move. And anyway, that's not the plan.
River Song: There's a plan?
The Doctor: I don't know yet, I haven't finished talking (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: I'll do a thing.
River Song: What thing?
The Doctor: I don't know, it's a thing in progress. Respect the thing. (Doctor Who)

Amy: Put these on. Both of you.
Rory: Oh. A poncho. The biggest crime against fashion since lederhosen.
Amy: Ah. Here we go. Ah, my boys, my poncho boys. If we're going to die, let's die looking like a Peruvian folk band. (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: You gave me hope and then you took it way. That's enough to make anyone dangerous. God knows what it will do to me. (Doctor Who)

The Doctor: You're doing it, you sexy thing.
Idris: So you do call me that! Is it my name?
The Doctor: You bet it's your name! (Doctor Who)

Cassandra-in-Doctor: Ooh, my. Well this is... different.
Rose: Cassandra?
Cassandra-in-Doctor: Goodness me, I'm a man! Yum! So many parts... and hardly used. [clutches the Doctor's chest] Oh, two hearts! [dancing to the dual heartbeat] Oh baby, I'm beating out a samba!
Rose: Get out of him!
Cassandra-in-Doctor: Oh, he's slim. [turn to Rose] And a little bit foxy! [raises eyebrows] You thought so, too. I've been inside your head, you've been looking... you like it. (Doctor Who)

Bad Wolf Bay". How long have we got?
The Doctor: About two minutes.
Rose: I can't think of what to say.
[The Doctor smiles, then glances over at Jackie, Pete, and Mickey who are waiting by the jeep]
The Doctor: You still got Mr. Mickey, then?
Rose: Oh there's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey... and the baby.
The Doctor: [shocked smile] You're not—?
Rose: No. It's Mum. She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way.
The Doctor: And what about you? Are you—?
Rose: Yeah, I'm... I'm back working in the shop.
The Doctor: Oh, good for you.
Rose: Shut up. No, I'm not. Torchwood on this earth's open for business. Think I know a thing or two about aliens.
The Doctor: [smiles] Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth... You're dead—officially—back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on the list of the dead. [pause] Here you are, living your life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.
Rose: Am I ever going to see you again?
The Doctor: You can't.
Rose: What are you going to do?
The Doctor: Back to the TARDIS. Same old life.
Rose: On your own?
The Doctor: Yes.
Rose: I— ...I love you.
The Doctor: Quite right too. [pause] And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it: Rose Tyler...

The Doctor: What?
[The woman turns around]
Donna Noble: Wha—
The Doctor: What?
Donna Noble: Who're you?
The Doctor: What?
Donna Noble: Where am I?
The Doctor: What?
Donna Noble: What the hell is this place?!
The Doctor: What?!

The Doctor: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect... but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff

The Doctor: Fascinating race, the Weeping Angels. The only psychopaths in the universe to kill you nicely. No mess, no fuss. They just zap you into the past and let you live to death. The rest of your life is used up and blown away in the blink of an eye. You die in the past, and in the present they consume the energy of all the days you might have had, all your stolen moments. They're creatures of the abstract. They live off potential energy.
Billy Shipton: What in God's name are you talking about?
Martha Jones: Trust me, just nod when he stops for breath.
The Doctor: Tracked you down with this. This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at 30 paces, whether you want it to or not, actually, so I've learned to stay away from hens. It's not pretty when they blow

The Doctor: 5, very important 5, don't let me eat pears! I hate pears. John Smith isn't real, he's a character I made up but I won't know that. I'll think I am him and he might do something stupid like eat a pear. In 3 months I don't want to wake up from being human and taste that.

Lauren- Are you English, sir?
Mr. Logan- No, I’m Scottish.
Lauren- So you ain’t English then.
Mr. Logan- No, I’m British.
Lauren- So you ain’t English then.
Mr. Logan- No I’m not but as you can see I do speak English.
Lauren- But I can’t understand what your saying, sir.
Mr. Logan- Well clearly you can.
Lauren- Sorry, are you talking Scottish now?
Mr. Logan- No, I’m talking English.
Lauren- Right. Don’t sound like it.
Mr. Logan- Okay, whatever you want. Now, let’s get on with Shakespeare.
Lauren- I don’t think you’re qualified to teach us English.
Mr. Logan- I am perfectly qualified to teach you English.
Lauren- I don’t fink you are though.
Mr. Logan- You don’t have to be English to teach it. (David Tennant and Catherine Tate on Comic Relief)

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember thatAlbus Dumbledore (Harry Potter)

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilitiesDumbledore (Harry Potter)

This is a beautiful place...to be with friends.Dobby (Harry Potter)

Dobby never meant to kill! Dobby only meant to maim, or seriously injure! Dobby (Harry Potter_

That's all right. Anyway, my mum always said things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end. If not always in the way we expect Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter)

What did it have to be follow the spiders? Why couldn't it be follow the butterflies?Ron (Harry Potter)

Reid: I don’t believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words per minute. [gets a weird look] Yes, I’m a genius (Criminal Minds)

Reid: [to the waitress, after having difficulty with his chopsticks] Excuse me, could I get a fork perhaps? [group laughs] Did you know that experts credit Confucius with the advent of the chopstick? He equated knives with acts of aggression.
Morgan: You don't know how to use them, do ya?
Reid: It's like trying to forage for dinner with a pair of number two pencils. It’s absolutely incredible, 1.3 billion people stay nourished because of these things. (Criminal Minds)

Garcia: [answering phone] Oracle of Quantico. Speak if you deign to hear truth. (Criminal Minds)

Morgan: [to Garcia] Good morning, princess.
Garcia: Good morning.
Morgan: Pump.. your brakes. [motions to Garcia to approach him] Everyday I say 'Good Morning'. Everyday you say 'I'll show you a 'Good Morning' hot stuff' Everyday. Not today? (Criminal Minds)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [walks into his hotel room with a box, surprised to see Rossi and Morgan there] What are you guys doing here?
Derek Morgan: Hey. What's it look like we're doing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, breaking into my room and watching Days of Our Lives.
David Rossi: The Young and the Restless. (Criminal Minds)

Prof Rothchild: You have something more important than me?
Rossi: My dry-cleaning is more important than you. (Criminal Minds)

Emily Prentiss: No, Paul. I'm baffled. I cannot figure out what the unsub could have learned from you.
Viper: What do you mean? He took my look, my words, everything that makes me successful with the opposite sex
Jordan Todd: Really? Because that guy could get beautiful women into his apartment. I wouldn't let you on my facebook page.
Emily Prentiss: Oh, you're on facebook?
Jordan Todd: Yeah, you should friend me.
Emily Prentiss: I will. (Criminal Minds)

Garcia: [to Reid over speaker] Super skeezy. I've got a spreadsheet from one of them expecting compensation for the baby I'm having.
[Morgan walks in]
Morgan: Something you wanna tell me Garcia?
Garcia: Aw, that's the sad part my prince. The genetically perfect offspring of Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan wouldn't fetch top dollar. (Criminal Minds)

Garcia: Password was Cullen.
JJ: Of course.
Reid: Colan?
JJ: Cullen, the vampire family from Twilight.
Reid: What's Twilight?
JJ: Do you ever read anything other than technical books?
Reid: Not much in English. (Criminal Minds)

May the odds be ever in your favor (The Hunger Games)

“You'll start talking, and pretty soon we'll all start nodding, and then the next thing you know, I'm hang gliding off the Eiffel Tower at night, being chased by ninja vampires” (Shelton, Seizure)

Favorite Pairings

SoraxKairi (kingdom hearts)

RoxasxXion (kingdom hearts)

RoxasXNamine (kingdom heartS)

AshXMisty (and don’t you dare of thinking otherwise) (pokemon obviously)

TKXKari (Digimon)

MattXSora (Digimon)

SueXTobey (Three Delivery)

FangXMax (Maximum Ride)

IggyxMax (Maximum Ride)

LarkaXKar (The Sight)

LinkXZelda (Legend od Zelda)

NaruXMai (Ghost Hunt)

MaiXLin (not possible but still really cute) (Ghost Hunt)

HermoniexRon (Harry Potter)

HaruhixHikaru (Ouran Host Club High School)

NinaxFabian (House of Anubis)

MaraxJerome (House of Anubis)

Rose/The Doctor (Doctor Who)

Amy/Rory (Doctor Who)

River/anyone who isn't the Doctor (Doctor Who)

Jack/... (Doctor Who)

Katniss/Gale (The Hunger Games)

Ben/Tory (Virals series)

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then dissappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (well no, but I've gone though ALOT of pencils)

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

Your Guy Side

[x] You love hoodies. [x] You love jeans. [x] Dogs are better than cats. ] It's hilarious when people get hurt. ] You've played with/against boys on a team. [ ] Shopping is torture. [x ] Sad movies suck. [ ] You own/ed a xbox 360. [ ] Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid. [x] You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega. [ ] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. ] You watch sports on TV. ] Gory movies are cool. ] You go to your dad for advice. [ ] You own lik a trillion baseball caps. [ ] You like going to high school football games. [ ] You used to/do collect football/baseball cards. [x ] Baggy pants are cool to wear. [ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. [ ] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. [x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think ] Sports are fun [ ] Talk with food in your mouth [ x] Sleep with your socks on

TOTAL: 8

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

[x] You wear lip gloss/chapstick. [x] You love to shop ] You wear eyeliner. ] You wear the color pink [x] Go to your mom for advice. [ x] You consider cheerleading a sport [ ] You hate wearing the color black. [x] You like hanging out at the mall. [x] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. ] You like wearing jewelry ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe ] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. [ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars. [x] You were in gymnastics/dance? [x] It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. [ x] You smile a lot more than you should. [x] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. [x] You care about what you look like. ] You like wearing dresses when you can. [ ] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne. [x] You love the movies. ] Used to play with dolls as little kid. ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it. [ ] Like being the star of every thing

TOTAL: 12

Loser

[ ] You don't have very many friends. [ ] Often times, teachers forget your name. [ ] You were always picked last for kickball. [ ] You don't like to talk a lot. [x ] You tend to avoid mass social activities [ ] You don't participate in any extracurricular activities. [ ] All you wish for is to move away or get a fresh start. [ ] Your friends have blown you off before. [ ] You sit alone in most of your classes. [ ] You have a feeling that once you leave high school or college, nobody is going to remember you. [x] You hold interest in activities that other people find strange. [ ] People don't find you friendly. [x ] You hold extreme hate towards another high school stereotype. [ ] You eat alone at lunch.

Total= 3

Prep

[ ] You pop the collar [ ] You won't go near the Goths [ x] You own at least one thing from a designer store. ] You are very clean cut. [ x] You are squeamish. [ ] People have called you preppy before. [ ] You never leave the house without putting on cologne/perfume ] You have a lot of money. ] You know who LC is. [ ] You watch shows like The OC, The Real World, The Hills, and Laguna Beach. ] One favorite store is either Abercrombie & Fitch or American Eagle Outfitters. [ ] You're afraid to set foot into Hot Topic. ] You carry a purse wherever you go. [x] You need to wake up at least an hour before school so you can get ready. ] You do not leave the house without make up. ] You feel really girly when you gush over male actors.

Total: 3

Band Geek

[x] You have played an instrument before. [x] You still play an instrument. [x ] You are/were in regular Band. [ ] You are/were in Jazz Band. [x ] You are/were in Marching Band. [x ] Most of your friends are in band. [x ] The band room/band hall is your second home. [ x] You enjoy listening to classical music on occasion. [ ] You aspire to be a Drum Major. [ ] You've made out with somebody on a band bus or at a band competition. [ x] You have trouble getting your non-band friends to go near the band room. [x ] Band is your favorite class. [x ] You have been to band camp. [x ] You walk in step with all your friends. [ x] You talk about band constantly. [ ] You know that American Pie has got it all wrong. [x ] You hate rap music. [ x] Marching Season is your favorite time of year. [x ] When you go to football games, you don't really pay attention to the game itself. [ x] Your favorite jokes are band jokes. [ ] You know it's not about the bloods and the crips: it's the brass and the woodwinds.

Total = 16 (BAND FOREVER!!!!)

Thespian

[x] You have seen a school play. [x] You have seen a Broadway musical. ] You like to act. ] You have participated in a school play. ] You have participated in a play outside of school. [ ] You have gone to the Thespian Conference [ ] You get pissed off when people make that thespian, did you say lesbian joke? [ ] You have done tech. [x] You know that you cannot touch anybody else's props. [ ] You have played in the pit orchestra for a musical. [ ] You have been to a cast party. [ ] You are in a thespian troupe. [x] You often sing show tunes at the top of your lungs. [ ] You know who Idina Menzel and Johnathan Larson are. ] At one point in your life, you were obsessed ] You do not have a personal bubble. ] You actually understand Shakespeare. [x] You know how to put on stage make up. ] You have been a lead. [ ] You met a lot of your better friends through theatre.

Total = 5

Overachiever

] You participate in a lot of extracurricular activities. [x ] You have a part-time job. [x] You have straight A's. [x] You are in mostly honors/IB/AP classes. [ ] You do not procrastinate. ] You have scored a 5 on an AP test. ] You do not have very much down time. [ x] You are very organized. [x] You always have a thousand things going on at once. [ ] You are in a relationship. ] You aspire to get into an Ivy League School. ] In your extracurriculars, you hold leadership positions. [ ] You are/were on Student Council. [ ] You are/were the class president. [ ] You are/were a class officer. [ ] You are/were the Salutatorian for your class. [ ] You are/were the Valedictorian for your class. [ ] People have told you that you didn't have a life. [ ] You are getting/have already received the IB Diploma. ] You cry hysterically when you get anything lower than an A on anything. (...A-?)

Total = 4

Goth

[ ] Your wardrobe consists of mostly black things. ] When you have the money, you shop at Hot Topic. [ ] You think tattoos are hot. [ ] You think odd piercings are hot. [ ] You don't get along with your parents. ] You have/want to dyed/dye your hair an exotic color(green and red streak of hair!) [ ] You've styled your hair in liberty spikes. [x] Sometimes you ponder the meaning of life and death. [ ] You like to write dark poetry. [ ] You are into/interested in S&M. [ ] You have a pair of oversized black pants. [ ] At one point in your life, you liked Foamy, Happy Bunny, Emily the Strange, and the Happy Tree Friends. [ ] You listen to grunge. [ ] You have a messenger bag with buttons up and down the straps. [ ] You smoke cigarettes. [ ] You will only date other Goths. [x] You don't really care what people think about you. [ ] Overly happy people scare you. [ ] You like black makeup & nail polish best.

Total = 2

Nerd

[x] You actually study for tests and quizzes. [x] You have straight A's. [ ] You haven't had any luck with the opposite sex. (they're considered my enemies) [ ] You are into WoW, Magic Cards, and Halo. [ ] You over-analyze jokes to the point where they aren't funny anymore. [ ] Your mom buys your clothes for you. [x] You actually answer the questions in class. ] You sit front row center in all of your classes to get the best learning experience. [ ] You miss school during the summer. [ ] You wear your pants at your waist. [ ] You prefer sweatpants to jeans. [ ] You have a pocket protector in your shirt with pens and a calculator in it. [ ] You let cute boys/girls take advantage of you & copy your homework in hopes of getting noticed. [ ] You've noticed some of the spelling and grammar mistakes in this survey. (Where?) ] People always cheat off you during tests. ] Your parents pack your lunch for you every day. [x] You wear/should be wearing glasses.

Total = 4

Garage Band Junkie

[ ] You play the guitar. [ ] You have been in a garage band before. [ ] You're still in a garage band. [ ] You think your band is going to make it big someday. [ ] You play shows almost weekly. [ ] You play the drum set. [ ] You sing vocals for a band. [ ] You write your own lyrics. [ ] You spend hundreds on amps and microphones. [ ] Your band has a myspace page. [ ] You have been in multiple garage bands. [ ] You have changed the name of your band at least twice. [ ] You have participated in a battle of the bands [ ] Your band has been signed. [ ] You have taken guitar classes at school. [ ] You have played at the same venue multiple times. [ ] You would rather make it big than have to go to college. [x ] You have musical talent. ] You have groupies. [ ] You've made t-shirts and other apparel for your band.

Total = 1

Emo

[ ] You often have trouble convincing people that you aren't emo. [x] You comb your hair over one of your eyes. [x ] You flip your hair often. [x] You have dark-rimmed glasses. ] You have hurt your self on purpose. [ ] If you're a boy, people often complain about your pants being too tight. [ ] You don't really smile too often. [ ] You blog often. [ ] You never smile in pictures. [ ] You listen to Thursday and/or Sunny Day Real Estate. [ ] You're too much to be a goth. [ ] You own a lot of band t-shirts. [ ] You go to a lot of shows. [ ] You only go for emo/scene boys and girls. ] It doesn't take very much to make you cry. [ ] You have played all the Emo Games ] You have worn black eyeliner before. [ ] You own a bandana in which you wear in your hair. [x] You have dark hair. [ ] You love the emo song. [ ] You say stuff like "I feel like my hearts being ripped out" and all that.

Total = 4

Skatepunk

[ ] You own a skateboard. [ ] You have been skateboarding since you were in grade school. ] You have gotten many injuries from skateboarding. [ ] You know that World Industries and Element aren't just clothing lines. ] You have vandalized public property. [ ] You have TPed/egged somebody's house before. [ ] You have been yelled at for littering. [ ] You have gotten in trouble with the cops. [ ] You listen to punk rock. [ ] Chicks on skateboards are hot. ] You stick it to the man [ ] You own skater shoes. ] You watch MTV2, not MTV.(Meh both) [ ] You enjoy crude humor. (Don't judge me) ] Screw school, lets do crazy stuff. ] You know that there are other pro skaters out there besides Tony Hawk. [ ] You pretty much live at the skate park. [ ] Hygene does not concern you. ] Skater boys are attractive. (yeaaaaa)

Total = 0

Metalhead

[ ] Most people are scared of your music [ ] A lot of the bands you like have violent names/titles/lyrics [ ] You hate emo kids ] You have gotten kicked out of a public place multiple times before[ ] Slipknot isn't really metal ] You appreciate really good guitarists of any genre [ ] You hate pop and rap. [ ] You spend all your money on music-related stuff [ ] Scene kids are fun to laugh at. [ ] You will become friends with anyone if they like the same bands [/] You curse a lot(sometimesss). [ ] You can name at least five sub genres of metal ] You wore black converses before they became emo (I STILL DO)[ ] At least one of your favorite bands thinks they're vikings ] You also like classic rock, such as led zeppelin and pink floyd. ] You have yelled at someone for their taste in music.

Total: 1/2

If you think rap is the most awful thing to ever be called "music," and that rappers are wanna-be's who are being paid to make fools out of themselves and can't even sing, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. If you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your heads off, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

93% of american teens would have a severe emotinal break-down if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 that would ask,"What was your first clue?" Then copy and paste this onto your profile.

Put this
(o)on your page
if you like music

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

Apparently 98 percent of kids have tried weed. If you are the only other person in the world who thinks cinnamon sticks are better, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.

You laugh at me because I'm crazy. I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun sitting on your shoulder.

Last night, I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the universe.

What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you.
What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you!

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we take the security labels off everything and let the problem work itself out?

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

When you wish upon a falling star, all your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling towards earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor

I used all my sick days, so I called in dead.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

1 day of coal, 364 days of fun. I think I'll take my chances.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean that you're an artist.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

The white man said, "colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen Sir... when i was born i was black, when i grew up i was black, when i'm sick i'm black, when i go out in the sun i'm black, when i'm cold i'll be black, and when i die i'll be black. But you sir, when you where born you where pink, when you grew up you where white, when you're sick you're green, when you go out in the sun you turn red, when you're cold you turn blue, and when you die you'll turn purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man sat back down and the white one walked away. If you hate racism post this on your profile.

Liquid plummer-"Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages."

Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets"

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances"

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children."

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping."

Sleeping pills-"Warning: may cause drowsiness"

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark"

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe."

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe."

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain."

Hair dryer-"Do not use while sleeping"

On a bar of Dial soap- "Directions: use like regaular soap"

Some Swann frozen dinners-"Serving sugestion: Defrost"

Tesco's dessert (printed on bottem of the box)-"

Marks and Spencer Bread pudding: "Warning: product may be hot after heating."

Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

Boots childrens cough medicine: "Do not drive or operate machinary."

Korean kicthen knife: "Keep out of children."

Christmas lights; "For indoor and outdoor use only."

Food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: may contain nuts."

American Airlines package of peanuts; "Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts."

Child's surperman costume: "Wearing of this garmet does not enable you to fly."

Swidish chainsaw:"Do not attept to stop chainsaw with hands."

This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! (These are just the ones I remember doing. And I'm sure I'll do some of the other ones someday in my life)

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair (marshmellow, just as bad)
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out-
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone (fun fun)
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

(73 out of 100)

Please copy and paste this if you agree:

When I say that 'I am a Christian', I am not shouting that 'I am clean living.'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, but now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.
When I say 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to your mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969696969696969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

ONLY IN AMERICA...
...can a pizza get delivered to your house before an ambulance can.
...are there handicapped parking spaces in front of a skating rink.
...do drugstores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
...do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet coke.
...do banks leave both doors open but chain the pens to the counters.
...do we leave expensive cars in the driveway and worthless stuff in the garage.
...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
...do we use the word "politics" so freely: in Latin, "poli" meaning many, and "ticks" meaning blood-sucking leeches.
...do we have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Ways to Annoy Your Parents

-I am not responsible for any shouting, yelling and punishments they give you. Please note: USE AT YOUR OWN RISK! Please do not sue me when your parents hand out your punishment for using this.

1 - Follow them all the time
2 - Say "Muu" when they call you
3 - Pretend you got amnesia
4 - Keep walking backwards
5 - Run all over the house with a bulb in your hand and saying "The Sun! It's dying!"
6 - Run on the walls
7 - Sing out loud while you run all over the house wearing only underwear
8 - Say that wearing clothes is against your religion
9 - Stay in fron of them at four in the morning and with a big smile in the face say "Good morning, sunshine!"
10 - Run in circles
11 - Recite a whole movie. Three times.
12 - Pretend you're fighting yourself. Lose.
13 - Pull somebody's hair and scream "DNA!"
14 - Wear a T-Shirt that reads "I'm Retarded!"
15 - Wear jeans on your heads, a t-shirt on your waist and say it's a new fashion concept
16 - Try to find another way to drink something in a glass
17 - Glue your finger on your nose with Super Glue
18 - Talk to a pen
19 - Have imaginary friends. Talk to them all the time.
20 - Pretend you're a viking
21 - Try to climb on the walls
22 - Scream really loud "WHERE-IS-MY-MOTHER!?"
23 - Put an ice-cream cone on your forehead and say you're a beautiful unicorn
24 - Do what they tell you to
25 - Stay turning the lights on and off and after 5min say "ooh! I get it now..."
26 - Eat non-eatable things.
27 - Sit in front of the fan with your arms wide open and sing "I believe I can fly!!"
28 - Hold their hands and say "I see dead people..."
29 - When taking a shower, scream "I'm drowning!"
30 - Chase an imaginary tail
31 - Demand your own telephone number
32 - Scream "Lie!" for everything they say
33 - Pretend you're 268 years old
34 - Stay upside down in your closet
35 - Pretend you're a telephone
36 - Try to swim on the ground
37 - Knock on their door all the night
38 - Pretend you have multiple personalities
39 - Deny everything they say before they finish saying and say "Why what? Are you trying to find a reason to punish me?". Take a long breath, blink three times and say "Can I help you?"
40 - Ask "What?" for everything they say and pretend youdon't understand
41 - Look at you father for some time and then say "I'M USING NEW SOCKS!"
42 - Always repeat "What would give you that idea?"
43 - When your mother start talking to you, say "Lo siento, No hablo Inglés"
44 - Tell them you have a very imporant secret that you can't tell to anyone, they'll insist on you to tell the secret, then you whisper "I'm Spiderman/Catwoman!"
45 - Stay looking at nowhere for some time and quickly look at your parents with a scared expression and say "Did you feel that?!"
46 - Write "Will you really eat this little bird?"/"Eggs are friends, not food!" on every egg you got in the freezer
47 - When having dinner, stand up and say to one of your siblings: "Due to economic problems, you will be banished from this house."
48 - When visiting your grandparents, start singing "Uuhm, you touch my tchalala!"
49 - Always say "That's so hot" with Paris Hilton acent
50 - Tell them everything you did was just to annoy them

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1. Thou shalt not sneak out when parents are sleeping.(Why wait?)
2. Thou shalt not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer)
3. Thou shalt not steel from K-Mart. (WalMart has a bigger selection)
4. Thou shalt not get arrested for vandalism. (Destruction has a bigger effect)
5. Thou shalt not steal from thy parents. (Every one knows grandma has more money)
6. Thou shalt not get into fights. (Just start them)
7. Thou shalt not skip class. (Just take the whole day off)
8. Thou shalt not strip in class. (Hooters pays more)
9. Thou shalt not think about having sex. (As Nike says - Just Do It!)
10. Thou shalt not help old ladies cross the street. (Just leave them in the middle!)

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers
Journal, the following are questions actually asked of
witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses
given by insightful witnesses:

1.”Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”

2.”The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?”

3.”Were you present when your picture was taken?”

4.”Were you alone or by yourself?”

5.”Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the
war?”

6.”Did he kill you?”

7.”How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”

8.”You were there until the time you left, is that true?”

9.”How many times have you committed suicide?”

10. Q: “So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “And what were you doing at that time?”

11. Q: “She had three children, right?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “How many were boys?”
A: “None.”
Q: “Were there any girls?”

12. Q: “You say the stairs went down to the basement?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “And these stairs, did they go up also?”

13. Q: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
A: “I went to Europe, Sir.”
Q: “And you took your new wife?”

14. Q: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
A: “By death.”
Q: “And by who’s death was it terminated?”

15. Q: “Can you describe the individual?”
A: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
Q: “Was this a male, or a female?”

16. Q: “Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which was sent to your attorney?”
A: “No, this is how I dress when I go to work.”

17. Q: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?”
A: “All my autopsies are performed on dead people.”

18. Q: “All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?”
A: “Oral.”

19. Q: “Do you recall the time that you examined the body?”
A: “The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..”
Q: “And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?”
A: “No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy.”

20. Q: “You were not shot in the fracas?”
A: “No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.”

21. Q: “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?”
A: “I have been since early childhood.”

22. Q: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?”
A: “No.”
Q: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
A: “No.”
Q: “Did you check for breathing?”
A: “No.”
Q: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?”
A: “No.”
Q: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
A: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
Q: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
A: “It is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.”

Barbie's Letter to Santa:

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at
being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid
weather and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to
break it to ya Santa, but it’s definitely payback time! There had better be
some changes around here this Christmas, or I’m going to call for a
nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won’t wanna be around to smell it).

So, here’s my holiday wish list for 1998, Santa.

l. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I’m
sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits
gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro
up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What
bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my
skin? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man — maybe GI Joe. I’d take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped-out
excuse for a boy toy Ken. And, what’s with that earring anyway? If I’m gonna
have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away
once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don’t care whose arm you have to twist, just
get it done.

6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don’t cut it. How about
a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 90’s persona. Maybe “PMS Barbie”, complete with a miniature
container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips;
“Animal Rights Barbie” with my very own paint gun, fitted with a fake fur
coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or “Stop Smoking Barbie”
sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald’s endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It’s been 37 years — I think I deserve it.

Okay, Santa, that’s it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I
don’t think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can
find yourself a new doll next Christmas. It’s that simple.

Yours Truly,

Barbie

I'm skinny, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore. (Well... I WAS.)
I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE OTAKU, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm STRAIGHT so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, So I must be gay
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts (It's actually called a kilt)
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!...or a Hollow.
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion (I actually Am against it...)
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist