Author has written 2 stories for Twilight, and Power Rangers.
'Never Argue With A Woman'
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could startat any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
Reasons why girls are the best
1.We got off the Titanic first
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.(We don't usually picture guys naked we picture what it would be like to kiss you then get over it and move on.)
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
If you have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself copy and paste this to your profile.
Have you ever tried having a thumb war with yourself?? I have. If you have just tried having a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you like chocolate as much as I do (which is ALOT), copy this in your profile.
If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile.
If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this into your profile
If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think those stupid kids should just give that god-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, then copy this into your profile.
If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile.
If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile.
If you would love to have wings, post this in your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. (Gets really aggravating after a while...)
If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and pastethis into your profile.
If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile. (Stupid immobile walls...)
If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into your profile. (All the time...)
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Yup, usually during awkward or normal silences...)
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. (You're on it)
This is about abortion...
You know what Mommy
You went to the doctor today.
I can hear that doctor again.
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
She ended up staying longer than
As she walked along under the tall elm
When she reached the alley, which was a
However, halfway down the alley she
She became uneasy and began to pray,
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
When she reached the end of the alley,
The following day, she read in the
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
She felt she could recognize the man, so
The police asked her if she would be
She agreed and immediately pointed out
When the man was told he had been
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
She asked if they would ask the man one
Diane was curious as to why he had not
When the policeman asked him, he
Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.
People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone.
Tell the truth and run.
1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well. Again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at you.
9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'
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