Author has written 6 stories for Big Time Rush, and Glee.
25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you, Were you born in a barn?
REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was COOTIES?
When 'Mom' (was your hero)
when your WORST ENEMIES were your siblings
and RACE ISSUES were about who ran fastest?
- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?
Put this in your profile if you wish you were still 5
A True Boyfriend
When she walks away from you mad
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?
Repost this if you truly believe in God.
PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what,
10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL
10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks
9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies
8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly
7. Our magazines have horiscopes
6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around
5. Our friends don't say "hi" by punching us in the arm
4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month
3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have
2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket
1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing
People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.
It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?
They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.
Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.
Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again
"A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright
When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.
I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
Never hire a colorblind electrician.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway.
SARCASM is just another free service I offer.
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Don't follow in my footsteps; I run into walls.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Sometimes I wonder 'why is the Frisbee getting bigger?' then I get hit in the face.
"I am sick of people having a near death experience and saying they saw the light. You know what the paramedics do when they first arrive? THEY SHINE A LIGHT IN YOUR EYE! That’s not GOD…it’s a MAGLIGHT!” ~Tony V.
I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
Life was so simple when boys had cooties!
I ran with scissors, and lived!
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Forever isn't as long as it use to be.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so whats the point of practicing?
Parents spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. The second half is spent teaching them to sit down and shut up.
Everything here is eatable. Even me, but that my children is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.(Willy Wonka)
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
People are like slinkies, basically useless, but it’s hilarious to watch them fall down stairs
I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive
My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.
If your heart was really broken...you'd be dead so shut up.
Did you just call me a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, and dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees are part of nature, nature is beautiful. So yeah, thanks for the compliment.
My mother told me never to talk to strange people. I never talk to myself, parents, or friends anymore.
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. Just drink it and get it over with!
You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.
Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.
Forecast for tongiht: darkness
Never go to a docter whose office plants have died
On those restaraunt signs that say 'No shirt, no shoes, no service,' does that mean you can wear a shirt and shoes, but no pants, and they have to serve you?
I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes
We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.
Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.
PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then its hysterical
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words
I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.
I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday
Have you considered sueing your brain for non-support?
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable; like a coma?
Stupid things! In bold are the thing's I've done... haha.
I walked on the street
A guy pulled me aside
stripped off my clothes
said you can' tell
otherwise he'd kill me
took a pregnancy test
how will i tell my parents?
my life is screwed up
I am only 11. I got my period early.
need an abortion
when I got to the doctor?
no, he says.
I say, it's my body. MY decisions.
No, he says. It's god's body.
I can't raise a baby
my parents kicked me out.
they think I wanted this baby
i have no more options
i shot myself
in heaven, they ask
why didn't you get an abortion
it's a girl's right to have an abortion and the government shouldn't interfere.
My favorite Quotes:
"Your rhymes are weak! Mine fit like a glove! Gustavo's gotta face only a MOTHER could love!"-Kendall, Big Time Rush
"How you ever gonna reach the stars?... If you never get off the ground; & You'll always be where you are, if you let life knock you down..."-Big Time Rush,Halfway There
"I believe in the doo-doos in my pants!"- Logan,Big Time Rush
"I'm dreaming,You're not real, the concerts in 2 weeks! HAHAHAHAHA!"- James,Big Time Rush
"There no such thing as ghosts and Carlos is still stupid!"- Logan,Big Time Rush
" Bleep Blop Bloop"-Logan, Big Tme Rush
" The dogs want something called a Sebastian"-Gustavo,Big Time Rush
"You locked him in a supply closet?! (Kendall) "No, Bandana Man did."(James)- James and Kendall,Big Time Rush
"If you drink cold milk on a hot day, you die"-Logan, Big Time Rush
"Bad boys go where they want"-Kendall, Big Time Rush
"And you smellllleeeeeyellll like a tuuuurd"- James, Big Time Rush
" D-Don't go in there, he's satan. He's satan with Bug-eye sunglasses"-Logan, Big Time Rush
" Carlos you really are a super hero!"(James) "No I'm a popstar" (Carlos)- James and Carlos, Big Time
"If we never trap it, we will never really know"-Big Time Rush, This is Our Someday"
James: we haven't failed this bad since we lost to Luth East in Hockey 8-1
Logan: Ow! What was that for?!
Carlos: Step aside boys my uncle was a lock-smith you just place you hands between the cylinder and the central housing...AND THEN HIT IT WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER
Camille: And your not sad about that?
Kendall: (picks up horn and blows it)
Carlos: I call the Jennifers!
James: In Hollywood, if you can't tan with the big boys, don't even bother showing up at all!
Kendall: Don't worry Jordin, Logan, a.k.a. big time brains, will soon come up with a plan to get us out of here.
Carlos: theres only one thing to do *jumps into the well*
I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes!"-Good Burger
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his brake wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live
10 Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
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