-If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

-Live isn't like a Burger King, you can't always have it your way.

-When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them on the head.

-Few women admit their age, few men act theirs.

-I'm a nobody. Nobody's perfect. Therefore, that makes me perfect.

-I get plenty of excersise: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

-Silence is golden... but yelling is fun!

-Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

-I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there.

-Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.

-9 out of 10 voices in my head agree that I'm sane.

-Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.

-You can only be young once but you can be immature forever.

-A clean desk is always a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

-The grass ain't much greener on the other side if the neighbors don't take care of thier lawn!

-Everyone brightens a room. Some by walking in, others by walking out.

-Trust is believing in what you see and hoping in what you don't.

-Being popular isn't always right and doing right isn't always popular.

-Bob: But mom! All my friends are doing it! Bob's Mom: If you friends jumped off of a building, would you? Bob: Yes, because then there would be padding for when I landed!

-Quack quack quack...

-One time I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out. May the forces of evil become lost and confused on the way to your house Homophobia is so gay Friends are those who bail you out of jail. BEST friends are those that are sitting next to you saying,'Damn! That was fun!'" It is better to look like an idiot, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Did you fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down? One by one the penguins steal my sanity. The pen is mightier than the sword...just look at all the damage I'm doing! A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A+ to a student who answered: I don't know and I don't care. Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly, 20 July 1990 You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same. Eneregizer bunny arrested: charged with battery. Brevis Tui Tempes est (your time is short) He who hesitates is probably right. The chance that the bread will land butter-side-down is directly proportional to the price of the carpet. I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce. I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do. How can I miss you if you won't go away? I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. You may pretend to dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me. Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. It's not that I'm antisocial, I'm just not friendly. I'm sorry, do I resemble your therapist? I think someone has to be listening to you for it to be an actual conversation. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. Next time you get the urge to think...don't. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot. It's not that I wish any harm to the guy, I'm just saying I could happily sit by while someone knocks his head off. This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence. Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets. Defeat isn't bitter if you sprinkle dirty revenge on it. I feel that there is an angel inside me whom I am constantly shocking. I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people. If I'd shot you sooner, I'd be out of jail by now. Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them. Ready - Fire - Aim. That which doesn't kill you... will probably try again. Hatred may make you strong, but it also makes you blind and stupid. When life hands you lemons, squeeze them between your bitter fingers and throw them at the wall. Warning: Trespassers will be shot Warning: Survivors will be shot again My goal in life is to hurt you, severely, come here. Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. Hofstadter's Law - Any computer project will take twice as long as you think it will, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90 probability you will get it wrong. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. I have decided to live forever, or die in the attempt. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that a hostage situation? It's not how you die that matters. It's who you take with you. Don't run, you'll just die tired. Guns don't kill people; death kills people. It's a proven medical fact. He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged. I drink to make other people interesting. I'm not as think as you drunk I am. You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. But Ocifer, I swear to drunk I'm not god! This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. !klat kcab ruoy dna uoy nmaD You know you're stressed out when you can hear Mimes. If the shoe fits, beat someone senseless with it. Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic and say "Who do you think you are?" I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. I do whatever the voices tell me to. It depends on who yells the loudest. Paranoid Schizophrenic: Are you staring at us? I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert. Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself. Schizophrenia beats being alone. My day is not complete until I terrify a complete stranger. I'm sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot. I have lots of friends, you just can't see them. I hear voices, and they don't like you The next time I see your face, I hope it's on the back of a milk carton You're depriving some poor village of it's idiot Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door. By the way, I am insane a lot and it shows in my fics.