2/28/13: I miss February 29th already...

I put a new poll up about the ending of Spiderwebbed. After multiple variations of saddened responses to an unhappy ending, I've been tossing around the idea to make it a little lighter. No matter what, the story will live up to its placement in the "Tragedy" category. However, I was thinking about adding a bittersweet epilogue to the story. I'm not going to spoil it (it's all figured out in my head), but the ending will allow you to imagine a happier future than what was originally planned. If you're a pessimist, then you can imagine the story's original downer ending. It's up to you, so vote for your preference!

Anyways, thanks for whoever voted on what should be updated next! :) After Spiderwebbed, I'll finish stories in this order:

1. Double Love, Double Trouble (Robotboy)

2. Hiding From the Future (Transformers Animated)

3. Unprepared (Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja)

4. You Remain Alone (Transformers Prime)

5. Rewind and Rerun (Chalkzone)

6. Guilt Ridden Spark (Transformers Prime)

So those are the stories on my completion list for this year. If I actually manage to finish all of them, here's what will be finished/published next:

1. Bloo, Who? (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

2. Invader Dib (Invader Zim)

3. Just, One More Thing (Invader Zim)

4. Desplat Addiction (Rise of the Guardians)

5. Baby Teeth (Rise of the Guardians)

So there you go. :) If those eleven actually get completed this year, see it as a miracle from above. I can guarantee you that all of them will not be finished by the time December comes around, but I'll try my best. Also, I've deleted ZIM because I lost interest, not a lot of people read it, and I hated the writing. This October will mark my third active year on FFN and I've come a long way since my first few oneshots. They're mostly up here for sentimental purposes only.

If you've read this far, I'm impressed...but that's it. I don't have anything else to say. What are you still doing here? It's over.

Sorida

NOTE: From this point on are exceedingly random things/upcoming stories so, if you are not interested, press that little button in the corner that says "hide bio" and head right down to my favorited authors/stories or read one of my own. I warn you now, my stories are by no means the best. They're not good, but they're not terrible either.

Name: I choose...YOU!

Age: 17, so why do people think I'm a good influence? I convince kids to stay up past their bedtimes!

Gender: As if it isn't obvious. I'll give you a hint: it starts with a G and ends in an I-R-L.

Location: Somewhere with snow. I think this is why I like Jack Frost so much.

Favorite Cartoons: Invader Zim, Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja, Teacher's Pet, ChalkZone, Avatar: The Last Airbender, 90s Nicktoons, Tutenstein, Transformers (G1, Animated, Prime), Phineas and Ferb, Penguins of Madagascar, many more.

Favorite TV Shows: House, Charmed, Doctor Who, Psych, Big Bang Theory, Mythbusters, Party Animals, Extras, Sherlock, Moses Jones, How I Met Your Mother, Storage Wars, Once Upon a Time, Skins UK

Favorite Video Games: Portal, Portal 2, Psychonauts, Kirby, SSB, Left 4 Dead, Team Fortress 2, Pokemon, Skyrim, Medabots

Favorite Movies: Rise of the Guardians, The Avengers,Sherlock Holmes 2009, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, Ironman, Inception, Shutter Island, Blood Diamond, PIXAR movies, How to Train You Dragon, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, many more.

Favorite Books: Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson & the Olympians, The Catcher in the Rye, Eragon, Everlost, Feed, Warm Bodies

Favorite Musicals: Anything Goes, RENT, You're a Good Man Charlie Brown, Les Miserables, Lion King, The Book of Mormon, Avenue Q, In the Heights, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Favorite Composers: Hans Zimmer, John Powell, John Williams, Murray Gold, James Horner, Michael Giacchino, Thomas Newman, Randy Newman, David Newman, Danny Elfman, Brian Tyler, Alan Silvestri, Patrick Doyle, Peter McConnell, Alexandre Desplat

Other Places You Can Find Me:

deviantART: http://sorida777.deviantart.com/

YouTube: Sorida777

Twitter: @sorida777

Stuff About Me:

Hello people! Let's see, what can I say about myself? I'm a music nerd in the most literal sense; I'm a vocalist and an instrumentalist who got a 125 on a music aptitude test. However, I did not get such a score on a writing aptitude test since I haven't actually taken one. Therefore, I range anywhere from terrible to good. I aim to improve my writing style and so far, I've received a fair bit of constructive criticism from the Portal story "Forgiveness," and my Chalkzone story "Rewind and Rerun," which I am very grateful for. Hopefully, the stories I dish out will improve in quality and length by the time I'm out of high school. I plan on continuing fanficion-ing through to college. After that, I'm not so sure. I mean, I don't think I'll still be writing fanfiction when I'm, like, 40...but I'll keep the stories and my account up. I hate when someone has really good stories and then DELETES their account just because they don't write fanfiction anymore.

In addition to music, I also love animation. Cartoons were/are a big part of my life and I'm not willing to let it go. My goal is to pitch three cartoon ideas to Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and possibly the Hub (although I need to check if it's Hasbro specific storylines). One of those ideas may become a novel, but I'm more comfortable storytelling through voices and pictures rather than words. Don't get me wrong, I love writing; I just prefer having a storyboard and writing team on board with me.

I'm a really friendly person, so if you have a question or just want someone to talk to about random crap, feel free to shoot me a PM. I'd say e-mail me too, but FFN took down that feature.

In-Progress:

F-Stop (Portal) On Hiatus

The sequel to Forgiveness and still an AU for the end of the game and the Lab Rat comic. A year after Forgiveness, Wheatley and Chell are still friends, but are going through some rough patches in their relationship. GLaDOS still keeps tabs on the two through Wheatley and discovers something unsettling that pertains to all of the Aperture Science AI. People that should be dead are walking around the city and personality cores are mysteriously vanishing from the facility. GLaDOS calls Wheatley and Chell back for a "mission" of the sorts: find out where the cores are and why dead people are alive. And just for cooperation purposes, she reverses the roles and threatens their lives by planting a time bomb in Wheatley. Of course she would get her revenge, nothing's better than have the two as her own personal lab rats. ATLAS and P-Body are sent to a different part of the city where one personality core can be tracked to. This time, Black Mesa isn't the culprit as an old scientist makes his return to Aperture, aiming to shut it down once and for all. Chell and Wheatley race against time trying to "save" the facility. GLaDOS is the only one who can deactivate the time bomb inside of Wheatley and she can't do that if the facility is destroyed. The past is uncovered as Chell discovers who Wheatley really is, as well as GLaDOS. ATLAS and P-Body struggle to find the trust in each other as their situation pulls them further and further apart. Can they all get themselves together before Aperture Science is destroyed? It can be read as a stand alone since I'll only reference the plot of Forgiveness in the prologue.

Invader Dib (Invader Zim) On Hiatus

The novellization of the three part series finale. There is a lot of speculation about the plotline including Dib becoming ambassador of Meekrob, Zim being killed, Zim becoming leader and bearing the title of Almighty Smallest, the Tallest being fakes, Skoodge and Tenn abandoning Zim (they didn't really mean to), Zim becoming a lawyer (this is a joke people, A JOKE), and GIR eating a taco. While we can all agree on the last one, the others remain in the shadows of mystery. Therefore, I shall attempt to combine the multiple theories and plot ideas for the finale and write it out as well as I can. Knowing me, everyone will be a little too OOC towards the end. I posted the definitive plot synopsis under the Invader Dib Trailers fic. This is going to update infrequently, although I'll try to update weekly...but I'm really busy so probably once every two weeks. It's still alive though! Yes, the note was a joke! Haha! Fat chance! I'm NOT abandoning this story at all! I've just hit a slight writer's block...it's on HIATUS right now. I don't know why I wrote that in all caps.

The Lasting Impressions Trilogy (Invader Zim) On Hiatus

The final installment of the trilogy called Lasting Impressions is underway in my head and will be posted once Invader Dib is done and over with, which won't be for a while. This will not have a happy ending. Zim is living his worst nightmare and is on the verge of collapse. Dib is pushed to the brinks of sanity when a new voice enters his head and the two voices take their own tangible form. Gaz has taken on the responsibility of taking care of GIR, Minimoose, and the Computer and continually visits Zim. GIR has been given a deadly SIR virus, giving him a week more before an automatic system shut down. Minimoose begins to play a larger part in the trilogy and helps the Computer find a "cure" for both GIR and Zim. Zim's PAK, due to the Control Brains, will shut down in a week, leaving his body free for dissection. Tak enters the fray and all hell breaks loose as she enters the S.E.N. base looking for Zim. The real question of the story is this: Who will live, and who will die?

Just, One More Thing (Invader Zim) Working on Ch. 4

Zim and Dib are trapped in the infamous basement of house #777 trying to escape Bill. With 27 hours to live, Zim takes the time to ask Dib a few questions as they try to navigate the basement. Yep, definitely ZADF only.

Bloo, Who? (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends) Working on Ch.7

Mac and Bloo are hit by a car and are rushed to the hospital. While they wait for the ambulance, Bloo discovers the true potential of how strong a bond can become between an Imaginary Friend and their creator. However, this bond is put to the test when Mac can't remember anything about Bloo. Wilt, Eduardo, Coco, Frankie, and Bloo all try to help get his memories back and Bloo resorts to retelling Mac about his creation. However, Bloo seems to forget and can't prove to Mac that he is his Imaginary Friend nor does he really seem to care. The bond shatters and Bloo fades away. On top of it, an age-old theory makes itself known to the world once more. The infamous AmLy Imaginary Theory plays its part before a full-fledged return.

Rewind and Rerun (Chalkzone) On Hiatus

Rudy Tabootie is 17 years old when this story takes place and due to high school stress, has not been able to visit ChalkZone for a year and a half. He finally decides to check in on everybody and discovers that Skrawl has taken over. Blocky tells him what happened a year previous to their enslavement and begs Rudy for help. Rudy goes to Skrawl's palace to defeat him and find Snap, who went missing when the whole thing started. Skrawl threatens Snap with a vase of water he snagged from Boorat as Rudy grows closer to succeeding. Snap pushes Rudy away and is dissolved in exchange for Rudy's freedom. Skrawl doesn't keep his promise, sending his minions out to kill Rudy. Rudy stumbles across Cranium 4, who has been betrayed by Skrawl, and tells Rudy that he can stop everything that's happened by drawing a time machine. The robot also warns him to destroy the machine once he's done or else things might turn out worse. Rudy takes his advice and works against the clock as he tries to save his best friend and all of ChalkZone. But can changing the past really fix the future?

Double Love, Double Trouble (Robotboy) Hiatus/Ch. 2

After thwarting Kamikazi's world domination plans once again, Robotboy and Tommy return home where Lola meets them. What starts as a cute little tickle fight ends in the most dangerous adventure yet. With the alliance of Protoboy and Robotman, the re-return of Robotgirl, and the threat of Kamikazi, anything can happen in the blink of an eye. Relationships develop as the epic of a lifetime begins. It's time to show evil who's boss.

Subdivision (Transformers/Beast Wars) Brainstorming Ch.4

Animated. Bumblebee doesn't trust Sari's boyfriend, but can't seem to get Sari, or any of the other Autobots, to listen to his suspicions. Meanwhile, Soudnwave continues in his plans to take down the Autobots, which involve using the youngest member against the rest. SarixBumblebee fic since the pairing grew on me.

Reflections (Brave Little Toaster) Brainstorming

A series of one-shots from Toaster's POV (third person or first person) from selected parts of the 1987 film. I'm going to aim for 50 one-shots by the time July of 2012 comes around, in honor of the 25th anniversary.

365 Days (Transformers/Beast Wars) Fell Behind...Again...Oops

TFA: It's a year in the life of Bumblebee...in drabble form! The drabbles range from friendship to humor to angst to tragedy to drama to everything in between. I take requests and I'll update weekly. 365 drabbles, 52 chapters, about 700 words each...bring it on! >:)

EDIT: Primus, I'm nearing the halfway mark. O.o I actually (somewhat) stuck with this challenge! Well, I'm happy to say this: Challenge Halfway Won! >:)

You Remain Alone (Transformers/Beast Wars) Starting Ch. 2

Prime: He knew he was trying to prevent the inevitable, but he couldn't help it. As Raf grows up, he and Bumblebee grow further and further apart. The tension becomes unbearable and it all ends in a fight that leads Raf to blame Bee and for the scout to go for a drive to clear his mind. Yet, Megatron discovers the stray scout and leaves him for dead in the desert of Nevada. Things get complicated when MECH enters the fray. Will the two friends have a chance to apologize or will the worst happen?

Game Plan (Transformers/Beast Wars) Hiatus/Working on Ch. 2

Animated: Bumblebee enters the newest Ninja Gladiator game via processor-PC upload. When the other Autobots catch word of Megatron uploading himself to the Internet, they manage to trap the Decepticon leader in-game with Bee. But the game changes, trapping Bumblebee within its hold until the final boss battle with Megatron. On the outside, the game cannot hold the Decepticon leader forever. Can Bumblebee beat the game in record time and get the Decepticon back into his own body or will he fail and be trapped within the game forever?

Guilt-Ridden Spark (Transformers/Beast Wars) Working on Ch.2

Prime: Takes place after the events of "Out of His Head." Bumblebee feels at fault for reviving the tyrannical, Decepticon leader. Believing that he no longer deserves to be among the Autobots, he takes off as a rogue. Despite Bee's wishes, the Autobots desperately search for him.

Bring Him Home (Transformers/Beast Wars) Almost Done With Ch. 3

Bumblebee is determined to rescue Sari's father and bring him home for Christmas. He can't stand to see his best friend suffer and is willing to give his life for her happiness. Meanwhile, the Autobots can only wait for their friend to return home.

Unprepared (Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja) Working on Ch. 3

Randy is forced to do the unspeakable and suffers severe mental trauma. Everything piles up and spills over the edge. The Sorcerer is growing stronger and the only things in his way are Howard and the NinjaNomicon.

Quintessence of a 9th Grade Ninja (RC9GN)

A oneshot series starring our favorite numbskulls: Randy Cunningham and Howard Weinerman. Stories span from humor to angst to friendship to tragedy...but definitely not romance. Contains stories from during and before the series (MiddleSchool!Randy won't leave me alone). Requests are gladly accepted!

Upcoming Stories:

Diversion (Transformers/Beast Wars)

TF:A-verse Bumblebee was definitely the fastest in alt.-mode, making him the perfect diversion for the others. But after waiting an hour for him to arrive, the team worries. Maybe they took advantage of him one too many times. Oneshot

For Raf (Transformers/Beast Wars)

Prime: Even before it was his turn to decide, his decision was already made. If anything, this planet was worth saving for his human friend. Bumblebee/Raf friendship oneshot.

Understanding (Transformers/Beast Wars)

"I don't understand you!" Jack didn't realize that those words hurt more than Bee let on. Oneshot.

Transformers Animated Season 4: Bumblebee's Story (Transformers/Beast Wars)

It was said that had TFA had a Season 4, Ironhide and Jazz would have joined the team replacing Bulkhead and Prowl respectively. But Ironhide harassed Bumblebee in Boot Camp with his best friend Wasp. Wouldn't he want revenge? Of course. And Bumblebee's sworn to secrecy to Ironhide's "punishment?" Of course.

Timey-Whimey (Pending Title) (Transformers/Beast Wars)

TFA: Future Bumblebee warns his past self of a terrible future only he can fix. Past Bumblebee must prevent Future Shockwave from murdering Prowl or all hell will break loose. Can he do it? Well, Future!Bee isn't too optimistic...

You Do Realize That This Is Bumblebee? (Transformers/Beast Wars)

In "Transwarped Part 3," Prowl was told to keep Bumblebee quiet. What happened during that scen? What happened on the way back to the plant? Why was Bumblebee actually quiet for once? Oneshot.

Transformers Animated: Shattered Glass (Transformers/Beast Wars)

At first, he thought it was all in his head. At first, it really was just a trick of the light. Now, he knew different dimensions existed with his. Bumblebee is thrown into the nightmare known only as "Shattered Glass." He must find a way home to save Detroit and prevent widespread dimensional collapse. Did I mention his evil doppelganger caused the whole mess?

Untitled (Transformers)

Set in DotM: Soundwave forced Bumblebee to face the corpses of his friends before execution. After the ordeal, Sam finds his traumatized Camaro trying to cope. From there, he discovers a few things about Tyger Pax that Bee failed to mention...such as watching his family be slaughtered before his very optics. Oneshot.

Snowbound (Transformers/Beast Wars)

After a brutal Decepticon attack, Prowl and Bumblebee are forced to seek shelter in a cave. Prowl cannot move or he'll lose too much energon. Bumblebee's transformation cog has been damaged, making transforming out of the question. As the snow piles up outside, they discover more about each other than they could have ever thought. TFA Prowl/Bee friendship.

Untitled (Medabots)

It was strange to think about how easily he could have died that day. He liked to think of himself as unbeatable, the best of the best, the fighter. But for a few moments, the fighter stopped fighting and gave into fate. All he could wonder was why. Post Beetle Mania

Untitled (Medabots)

Metabee did not emerge from his nightmare unscathed. While fighting Warbandit, he pauses for 5.3 seconds, just enough time to lose. When he tries Robattling Peppercat, he freezes and sees the memories from his past life. After two strange losses, Ikki wants to know what's wrong with his Medabot and why he's sworn to never Robattle again. Post Metabee's Final Stand

Control (Medabots)

If Ikki knew anything about his Medabot, it was that he was stubborn and hot-headed. He was especially defensive when it came to his medal. Why? Well, it's the one thing he has control over.

Desplat Addiction (Rise of the Guardians)

A series of Jack Frost-centric oneshots based on the wonderful score by Alexandre Desplat. This will remain its own series due to the fact that the music is so interconnected. Seriously, I lost count of how many times I've heard Sandy's theme.

How to Jump on the Bandwagon (Rise of the Guardians)

We all know that there are a ridiculous amount of oneshot collections for RotG. Well, it's only natural that I begin my own. Spanning across the genres comes eclectic tales of the Guardians of Fun, Hope, Wonder, Dreams, and Memories as they discover what being a family means and all the complicated things that come along with it. Yes, it's cheesy and cliche and has the random elf here or there, but hopefully there's something for everyone to enjoy. There shall be angst and comfort and some rather silly events and some things you may have seen before. My job is to spin it, twist it, and put a little of my own flare into each one.

So yeah, it's basically me trying to be creative and, most likely, failing spectacularly.

Baby Teeth will become an arc in this collection rather than getting its own series.

Up For Adoption: (includes the subjects mentioned in Future Subjects. PM me if you would like a better summary of each story):

Past Conundrum (Transformers/Beast Wars)

TFA: Sari's curiousity gets the better of her and she finally asks the team about Bumblebee's past, seeing as each of them had a nifty (somewhat depressing) backstory. When nobody comes up with an answer, she decides to ask Bee about the touchy subject. Well, she gets her answer...but the others don't! Being Bumblebee, he decides to make a game of it. The Challenge: Bumblebee tells ten different stories to ten different bots. The Goal: Discover the true story. The Control: Sari knows the real story. The Trick: Who says that any of them are true?

Improbable, Impossible (Portal)

Wheatley remembers who GLaDOS once was before her corruption and desperately attempts to resurrect his closest friend. What he didn't count on was the extent of her corruption. Maybe the core's gone in over his processor... WheatleyxGLaDOS

To Fix a Defect (Invader Zim)

Dib finds out what happened in the episode Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy and attempts to do the same to Zim with his father's Space Time Object Replacement Device using water balloons. The story delves into Zim's past, what gradually made him so screwed up, and how Dib drastically changes Zim's personality and motives. There is a bit of ZAMR, Zim and Miyuki Romance since Zim's going to be incredibly OOC by the time he even meets Miyuki.

Spoken Amnesia (Kirby)

After getting attacked by another demon beast, Kirby develops the power of speech. However, this change brings about a change in his mind. As he begins to forget everything and everyone he knows, Nightmare takes back what was rightfully his. Fumu, Bun, Meta Knight, Sword, and Blade must recover Kirby's memories before Kirby becomes one of Nightmare's most powerful, loyal demon beasts.

Aperture Science: The Unabridged History (Portal)

From it's humble beginings as a shower curtain manufacterer, it transformed into a name to be reckoned with. I present to you the complete history of Aperture Science, containing everything from shower curtains to the infamous "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day." The facility holds secrets...but it won't remain that way for much longer.

Reappearance Act (Psychonauts)

Nobody really remembered Razputin Aquato. He was there for a day, became a Psychonaut, and left just like that. Everyone thought he was a dream, a distant memory that no one could grasp. So they all did the simplest thing they could; they forgot about him. The only ones who remembered him were the counselors and Lili, all anxiously awaiting any news the young Psychonauts had to share...but they lost contact with him three months before the start of camp. When camp starts up again, two years after the Brain-Stealing Incident, a boy is found beaten outside the front gates. With the return of Raz, everything is possible...and camp gets involved in another "save the world" situation. Unlike last time, everyone fights.

Future Subjects With No Real Thought Process:

Herbie

Tutenstein

Teacher's Pet

Doctor Who

Penguins of Madagascar

Finding Nemo

Party Animals

Other Stuff:

I just want to take the time to thank the people who reviewed my stories. It's a good confidence booster in my oh-so boring life. I'm not kidding, if I were to be described in one word, it would be one of the following: weird, annoying, loud, random. Basically, I'm the Zim of my school to an extent. So, thanks again and expect more stories from me, including the ones mentioned above, in the next year or so. It depends on how long it takes me to write them.

Also, if you didn't review, I take no offense. I can always check how many hits the stories are getting anyway so no harm done. The only problem is that I don't know what people think so I can't change my writing style accordingly. If you do have any problems or want to flame any of my stories, be my guest. The ones I've put out are kind of "trial stories" to see what to continue with and what to stop. I've received more constructive criticism over the past year and-almost-a-half and it's helped me so much.

P.M. me if you have any story requests a-wait, why would you ask me to? Write it yourself! It's fun! :D But I will take requests if you would like me to write something. Once again though, why would you want me to write something for you? I'd either murder a brilliant idea or screw up in some way or another. I'm not the best writer and I don't really consider myself "good", I just do this for fun. Plus, school is boring.

Just to let you know, I still leave quite a few anonymous reviews on stories so if you see a Sorida in any of your reviews, it's (most likely) me. Also, if I review your story but it's not favorited on my account, I bookmarked it on my iPod and am too lazy/busy (how hypocritical!) to actually register it as a favorite.

Ok, now you can stop reading everything on here.

Copy & Paste

If you are on fanfiction.net for some other reason than writing pure romance fics or totally rearranging the original story because some slash romance story didn't happen, copy this and paste it onto your profile.

Half the population of the internet are depressed. If you are a part of the population that wants to help them, copy and paste this. If not, burn in hell.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

Stupid, stupid instructions:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Because that's the only time I want to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(So we're supposed to open the packet in the store?)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(I thought this was DIAL soap, not regular soap.)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But is it only a suggestion?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Well, to late to do anything now.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(And let me guess, it will be cold after cooling?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(Aw, but it's so warm.)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(Of course, because my son always drves me to work while he goes to work at the construction site.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(Yes, why else would people go out and buy a SLEEP AID If they didn't want to sleep?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:

"Put on fork and eat."

(Hold up. Pasta is for... eating?)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Do parents perform surgery on their kids?)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(What's the third option?)

On artificial bacon:

"Real artificial bacon bits".

(The fake artificial bacon bits to expensive for ya?)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Um... now I'm confused.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(Noooo, really?...you better be)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Really? I thought it was a suppository.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitials.
(Because people always use a chainsaw while naked)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Why don't you just tell the kids that Santa isn't real while you're at it.)

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.)
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
Im a STONER so I MUST be
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks.

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil ( I worship no one to start with)
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so i MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I have LOW SELF-ESTEEM, so I MUST think badly of myself and be depressed all the time.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm WELSH, so I MUST love sheep.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so It MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHATI MUST bee having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedanticbastard.

I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean
I'm STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I like marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.

I am CHINESE, so I MUST support Communism.

If you've ever cried when listening to Transformers music...

If you've ever sworn to be an Autobot/Decepticon...

If you've ever compared a guy to a Transformer...

If you still read fanfics and watch the films even when people call you a nerd...

If you broke your heart when your favorite one died...

...and cheered like hell itself had fallen when they returned to life...

...Post this, fellow Transfan, and know that we are more than meets the eye.

Test for Which TFA Character Are You? (Link: http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/transformers/Kiryugoji/which-transformers-animated-character-are-you/index.php) Results:

You are Bumblebee the slickest bot on wheels. Or so you think.

Bumblebee: 88% (So true on so many levels...like on video games.)

Wreck Gar: 83% (Where did that come from?)

Blackarachnia: 75% (Um...what?)

Blitzwing: 71% (Ok, that one makes sense.)

Soundwave: 71% (I guess so...DJs are pretty awesome.)

Megatron: 71% (What the hell?! Am I that condescending?)

Lugnut: 71% (I do NOT worship the MIGHTY and POWERFUL Megatron!!!)

Blurr: 67% (That I can see! Yay for fast talkers!)

Wasp: 58% (WTF?!)

Omega Supreme: 58% (He had enough character development for this thing?)

NOTE: I took the quiz once again, answered more truthfully, and still wound up with 92% Bumblebee. Does this mean I'm ultra annoying?