Basically, all you need to know about me is that I was born insane, come from a family of weirdos, "crazy" is a compliment in my family, I am obsessed with Wicked, the Twilight Saga, and Nancy Drew, I am on Team Edward, and you all can call me Maggie because that's a short version of my middle name, which is Margaret. OH, also, writing and reading are like my LIFE (next to my obsessions)!!! They are my passion and I pursue them with determination. I plan on becoming an author someday, so you'll probably see a lot of my crap on here once I really get going. You should know, I usually leave stories unfinished, but I do have one thing that sort of qualifies as a kind of long-ish one-shot. It's a Wicked prequal about the school Fiyero went to before Shiz and how he got kicked out of it. My very bestest friend evah here on FF is Bremela, who I call sometimes call Bremmie, but appears in my crack fics and things as Bree, usually coming with me when I show up to interact with the characters, and she is awesome. We've sent over 78 PMs to each other in a row, and still counting. LET'S KEEP GOING, BREE! WE CAN TRY FOR A WORLD RECORD, WOOT!!! So, yeah. That's basically me in a nutshell. :P

Upcoming Story Previews

Out of My Shell: Elphaba doesn't doubt for a second that Fiyero is the best thing to have ever happened to her. Surrounded by her small group of friends at Shiz, she is perfectly content for the first time in her life. But when her older brother comes to visit and begins having doubts about Fiyero, things take a sudden turn--and it might not be for the best...

The Wonderfully Epic World of GlamYero: A series of Adam Lambert songs performed as duets that Adam sings with Fiyero, with David Cook joining in occasionally, as well as a special guest here and there. Inspired by the epic finale of Maggie's Insanely Twisted Wicked Parody.

Somewhere only We Know: Fiyeraba songfic based on the Glee version of the song "Somewhere only We Know," performed by Kurt's unbelieveably amazing boyfriend, the one and only Blaine Anderson! Oz, that boy has the voice of an angel...He and Kurt are just so freaking cute together, I feel like I'm going to explode just from watching them, and when they sang "Candles" for regionals, I very nearly did. Their voices...Sweet Oz, they are just perfect for each other in every single way, and they sound incredible together!! I swear to Kumbricia, he is God's gift to Kurt, and his voice is God's gift to...um...something...I dunno, okay, but it's a gift from God without doubt!!!

Song Series (not all necessarily related to each other):
More Songs are coming soon!

Teach me to Sing your Song of Hope: When 14-year-old Elphaba's cousin comes to visit, can she bring the shy girl out of her shell? And will the green girl finally learn to let go of her life-long sorrows and dream of happiness?

I have a trilogy on the way, as well! It is AU Wicked,
and does not have a name yet, nor do any of the stories,
but they are literally THE longest stories I can ever remember writing
without reaching a massive wall and completely giving up,
and I am extremely proud of them and myself, all they need now are names!

My Links:

Story Links:

For those of you that are following my story, "When Realization Hit," --big thank you and virtual hug if you are!--here are the links for various items in the story:

Nightgown (I'm not sure if this is actually a nightgown, so let's pretend that it is and that the lace starts higher up than it actually does, if you know what I mean)

Dressing gown

Is this not THE most gorgeous dress you have ever seen!??!?!

Boys, if you're anything like my younger brother, you're probably into sharp weapons and all that jazz. If so, this is the link for you! Fiyero's dagger from Chapter 6

And, of course, the picture that inspired the story:

This is really moving! I left 2 comments on here. One is just me doing my rambling thing and the other is in response to something someone else said. Anyway, look for the comments left by someone named psychicpixie17 (my DeviantArt username). Read the artist's comments, too, and go to full view to see it better.

Artistic companion piece to my poem, "Ring in the River" on one of my favorite sites, Polyvore:

Broken and Bleeding and Torn Wide Open

Elphaba's wedding dress from "You Raise Me Up" (it's actually on the same website her midnight blue dress in WRH is from, lol! it's a great site for that kind of dress, they've got some truly beautiful ones, you should explore it a bit if you're into that kind of thing like I am)

Alice's engagement ring from "Long Live Clan Hightopp"

R's "metal poster thing" of the Green Fairy from "Journey to the Past"

Just-for-Fun Links:

WATCH THESE VIDEOS, MY FELLOW WICKED DRUGGIES!!!

On the green girl line, he's all relaxed, then suddenly is like, "Wait, serious situation. Need to focus here!" and suddenly gets really serious after that, it's so funny!

Pay attention: In this one, she says "and a certain governor will come here to claim the credit for this magic child of his to say how proud he is of me for doing things the Wizard could not even contemplate" when referring to Frex. The one with SJB singing has a totally different phrase!

SJB version of "Making Good" where it says "and guess what old bastard's come here to claim credit for this magic child of his to say how proud he is of me for doing things the Wizard could not even contemplate," whereas Idina says "certain governor." Better sound quality, easier to understand. I was in tears because of what this song talks about! Those of you who don't know, this is something that didn't make it into the musical, it was replaced by "The Wizard and I" in San Fran. The SJB version is also posted with the lyrics going across the screen, if you want to look for that one instead.

Early version of NGD from the workshops. Not all that different from the NGD that we all know and love today, but there is one part in particular, so pay attention.

Find Bree and I on Polyvore!! ;D

Me: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=2275884

Bree: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=2340498

A picture of Kyla Hightopp with her younger siblings, drawn for me by Kyomi-chan16 on Deviant Art

For my fellow "Cats" fanatics who believe that Mungojerrie & Rumpleteazer are mates:

I mean absolutely no disrespect by saying this (I have taken the pledge to stop the pairing wars (see bottom of profile)), so please don't get upset, but I have found PROOF that the knock-about clowns are, in fact, twins!! I now give unto thee...a link!!! http://www.freewebs.com/jellicleworld/twins.html

Favorite Wicked Quotes:

Galinda: "It's GA-linda, with a Ga!"

Galinda: "It seems the artichoke is steamed!"

Dr. Dillamond: "You go run along and join your friends." Elphaba: "Oh, that's all right I have no friends!"

Elphaba:"Well, we can't all come and go by BUBBLE!"

Elphaba: "I don't care who he is! *smacks Fiyero with a book* Your cart almost knocked me over and you're sleeping!" Fiyero: "Well of course...it's daytime."

Nessarose: "What's in the punch?" Server: "Lemons and melons and pears." Nessarose: "Oh my!"

Galinda: "Fiyero and I are getting married!" Elphaba: "He's asked you already?!" Galinda: "No, but he's going to, he doesn't know yet-uh!"

Elphaba: "My father hates me." *Galinda gasps* Elphaba: "That's not the secret."

Galinda: "LOOK! It's tomorrow!"

Fiyero: "I've been thinking--" Elphaba: "Yes, I heard!"

Elphaba: You're bleeding..." Fiyero: "I am?" Elphaba: "Uh-huh...Right here...It must've...scratched you..." Fiyero: "Yeah...or...maybe it scratched me...or something..."

Fiyero: "Nobody's ever there except the sentries who guard it!" Elphaba: "If nobody's ever there, then where do you live?" Fiyero: "The...other...palace..." Elphaba: "Oh, of course."

Fiyero: "Well, maybe the driver saw green and thought it meant 'go.'"

Glinda: "Just let the little girl GO! And her little dog...Dodo!"

Elphaba: "What? What are you all staring at? Do I have something in my teeth? Oh. I know what's going on here. *sighs* All right, we might as well get this over with...No, I'm not seasick, yes, I've always been green, and no, I did not eat grass as a CHILD!!! There! Does that answer all of your questions?! Oh, and this is my little sister, Nessarose, who as you can see, is a PERFECTLY NORMAL COLOR!!!!"

Elphaba: "You shouldn't let ignorant statements like that bother you. I mean, I know I always do, but you shouldn't!"

And countless more, much too many to put them all here!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH FAN FICTION WHEN:

10. You no longer refer to comments as "comments." They are now known only as "reviews" and/or "PMs," a.k.a "Private Messages."

9. You're so used to typing/writing that you're constantly touching on your face, picking at your zits, playing with your hair, pulling loose hairs off of your clothes, fiddling with jewelry, etc., etc. just so you can be doing something with your hands because you feel the need to keep them in constant motion out of habit as a result of so much writing.
(this one is true of me. when i'm not doing something on the computer or writing something down, or even drawing (though i'm not much of an artist) i'm always doing something with my hands, usually one of the above, especially playing with my hair and pulling loose ones off my clothes)

8. You start laughing at the most inopportune times because you remembered something funny from a fic.

7. You pretend to take notes, but really you're getting a head start on your latest ficlet.

6. Short disclaimers are for losers and noobs. Whoever thinks up the craziest (or goriest O.O) gets a cookie.

5. You can't write for English class because you've used up all your ideas for fan fiction, and even if you haven't, you can't use the ones you have left because they're either off-topic or your teacher wouldn't know what in the heck you're talking about, so you'd probably fail anyway. (so true, so true XP i had a chance to use a pair of OCs once, but that was it)

4. A story idea isn't a story idea. It's a plot bunny, and somtimes it brings plot holes with it, because that's just how the bunnies work.

3. You hear people talking about a ship (the water variety), and you mother frickin jump, like, five feet in the air and act like you've never heard the word used outside of the fan fiction context.

2. Whenever something inspiring happens or a random train of thought enters your head, you screech, "Ooh! Fan fic idea!" and then immerse yourself in writing for the next three hours.

1. You repost this chiz onto your profile! :)

If you are as Wicked as Elphaba, copy and paste this in your profile.

OZheads are just trying to make their way in a green world. If you are an OZhead then copy this to your profile!

If you consider yourself a total Wicked Fan, copy this into your profile.

If you're Defying Gravity, and no one can bring you down, copy this into your profile.

If you think Elphie's hat is SCANDALACIOUS copy this to your page and spread the WICKED cheer!

They moved together- blue diamonds on a green field. Elphaba and Fiyero deserve each other. If you’re a Fiyeraba addict, and unashamed to admit it, post this on your profile.

If you have ever wanted to play Glinda or Elphaba in Wicked, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever used a Galindafied word and gotten weird looks from people, copy this into your profile. (more than you could count...)

If you are so obsessed with Wicked that you randomly start quoting it, copy this into your profile!

If hearing the opening music for Wicked gave you shivers, copy this into your profile.

If you cried when you saw For Good, copy this into your profile. (both times!)

If you've ever felt hopelessly misunderstood due to your obsession with Wicked, copy this into your profile.

If you think Elphaba really is beautiful, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself or fictional characters copy/paste this into your profile (i spend all my spare time hanging out with fictional characters. i also not only talk to myself, i get into debates with myself, lose, and then refuse to speak to myself for the rest of the day. one time i lost an argument to myself about pie PX)

If you ever wondered who made up all the 'copy this into your profile' thingies then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

When someone someone says defy gravity you politly correct them it is DefyING Gravity, and must be capitalized

You now hate Dorthy. 'S. Guts.

You spend hours thinking about how you can get so easily jealous of everyone and the color of jealously is GREEN!! (like as in "green with envy")

If you can't watch Wizard of Oz without wanting to throttle Dorothy, paste this into your profile.

If you think Dorothy is nothing but a friendship-ruining, fakeified, Witch-murdering, squeally little brat that cries WAY too much and if you were Baum, you would have made her into a total fun-loving, free-thinking wild spirit of a mature young woman that knows how to totally kick somebody's ass if she needs and can take perfectly good care of herself, thank you very much, who flat out will not take any nonsense from jack ass shit-heads like the Wizard, and maybe even given her a brother who is her very best friend (besides Hunk, Zeke, and Hickory, that is) paste this into you profile.

If you have developed a new Bohemian-Witch sense of style (dressing in dark colors and wearing thrift store clothes or fingerless gloves), paste this into your profile.

If you have attempted to Defy Gravity, succeeded, and nobody in the entire world can bring you down, paste this into your profile.

If you're Defying Gravity, and no one can bring you down, copy this into your profile

If you think that green skin is awesome and wish that you had it, copy this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Wicked that you randomly start quoting it, copy this into your profile!

If you listen to your Wicked CD religiously, and know the words back to front, copy this onto your profile

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile

If you are as Wicked as Elphaba, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think Elphie's hat is SCANDALACIOUS copy this to your page and spread the WICKED cheer!

They moved together- blue diamonds on a green field. Elphaba and Fiyero deserve each other. If you’re a Fiyeraba addict, and unashamed to admit it (and/or even post fics that have scenes with or that imply them, uh, "playing games"), post this on your profile.

If you have ever wanted to play Glinda or Elphaba (Elphie all the way, baby!)in Wicked, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever used a Galindafied word and gotten weird looks from people, copy this into your profile. (more than you could count...actually, i use them on a daily basis)

If hearing the opening music for Wicked gave you shivers, copy this into your profile.

If you cried when you saw For Good, copy this into your profile (both times!)

If you've ever felt hopelessly misunderstood due to your obsession with Wicked, copy this into your profile.

If you, like Glinda and Fiyero, can see just how truly beautiful our green girl is, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions when you probably should be doing something else, like homework, copy this onto your profile

If your response to that is “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” copy paste this into your profile

-You can relate almost anything to Wicked, even if it is distant.

If you've ever seen Wicked live, copy and paste this in your profile. (twice)

-You have lost your voice singing Defying Gravity (and Popular and Dancing Through Life and I'm Not that Girl and For Good and...well, you get the picture, i'm sure PX)

-You wouldn't stop talking about Wicked for months after you saw it, still do on a daily basis, even if it's not about the musical itself, just in general, search viciously for pirated, or any other kind of videos of it, then started writing and reading Fanfictions about it in every spare moment of the day

-You used to not necessarily love the Wizard of Oz, but still enjoyed it like everyone else, and now you have unadulterated loathing for it or have a thing against it or hate it with a passion or all of the above and then some, and you didn't watch it for ages after seeing Wicked, but when you finally did, it was in a waiting room at a hospital/clinic and while watching it, had fun pointing out the flaws and goofy mistakes with your mother and then laughing at them. (seriously, whose *cue sarcasm* genius *end said sarcasm* idea was it to give Boq an axe?! the man has anger issues and should not be allowed near sharp objects and/or weapons of any kind! Where's Fiyero's weapon, dammit?! Why does he not have a dagger hidden in his boot or something?!)

If you've ever felt hopelessly misunderstood due to your obsession with Wicked, copy this into your profile.

You now want to throw a brick at your TV every time you The Wizard of Oz is on and it gets to the part where Elphaba is "melted," and the only way you're able to stop yourself from going into the garage to find one is by reminding yourself it's all an illusion and she's going to escape with Fiyero, so it's OK.

-While looking for colleges the first one on your list was/will be Shiz.

-You plan to be in Wicked, and if you get there and find that you’re just not good enough then you think that you can move those darn sets, or perhaps help with the make up, costumes, and props.

-Before you do, say, or reply to anything you ask yourself, "What would Elphaba say/do?"

-You wrote your history paper on "The Great Drought and its Effect on Animals in Society," and then your teacher gave you a big fat F- and told you to rewrite it on a different subject, so you said to yourself, "Well, the Elphaba Method didn't work, shockingly enough, so I guess I'll try the Fiyero Method," and then proceeded to write an essay entitled "How Oz was Really Created," and it contained things such as robot unicorns, trolling stars, lightsabers, laser blasters, Jedi/Sith, a man called "the Doctor," his time machine known as the TARDIS, dinosaurs, a smarticle lacking t-rex that ate the TARDIS, a minimum of 4-5 accidental explosions, aliens, numerous science experiments (some which perhaps should not have ever been done), and an event/explosion (eventsplosion? explovent?) that is known as "the Incident." Your teacher THEN gave a QUADRUPLE F-, and you protested by saying that you worked your censoring bleeped censoring bleep off until six-bleeping-AM in the bleeping morning on that bleeping thing, and that you even picked up and used a dictionary for the first bleeping time in your entire bleeping life (which was a lie, but you said it because you were using the Fiyero approach to things), but the teacher wouldn't listen, so you failed on the assignment. (the essay topic and everything in it is something that Fiyero really did write as an essay for Dillamond in a story i haven't posted based on one that I read called "How Earth was REALLY Created" and i wrote it because the story sounded like something Fiyero would write in a paper for class, so I turned the idea of that into a story called "Fiyero's Essay" and even created the his hand-written rough draft of the paper and the final copy he made on his typewriter, which is the one that he turned in to Dillamond, in seperate documents. i might post it sometime, but i might not, i'm thinking about it. oh, and he really did get a quadruple F- only to be proved right when, years later, after he and Elphie are married, the Doctor and his TARDIS showed up outside Kiamo Ko and a pair of smarticle-lacking guards found him and took him to their Prince and Princess and they let him explain who he was. needless to say, Fiyero was rather extremely proud of himself)

-If someone who hates you calles you a witch, you take it as a compliment and even give them a genuine smile and say something along the lines of, "Oh, thank you so much for that lovely compliment, I'm glad you think so!"

-You get good grades because you tell yourself, "Elphie would pay attention in class, so I guess I have to." or "Elphie would be studying, not goofing off, so I probably should, too."

-You got upset when you found out you couldn't take ancient Vinkun and/or Fiyero's native tribal language for your language classes.

-You find yourself saying things like, "Oh, my Oz!" or "Sweet Lurline!" or "Oz-forsaken", or even "Son of a Munchkin" in public, and/or on a daily basis and get really weird looks for it.

-You wish you had a Goat teacher like Doctor Dillamond.

-Someone asks you, "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?" and you answer Oz.

-Fairy tale castle? Screw that, I want Kiamo Ko, Oz dammit!

-You own a copy of the New York Performance script signed by every member of the OBC who plays a major character (i.e, the girls, Fiyero, Dillamond, Chistery, Nessa, Boq) AND Stephen Schwartz, AND Joe Mantello, and you were so happy that when you woke up and found it under the tree on Christmas morning, you were so Oz damn happy that you hugged it to your chest like a sacred book and cried endless tears of joy, completely ignoring every single other present that Santa left for you, even though one of them was a Twilight Saga: Eclipse t-shirt with a giant picture of Edward Cullen in all his topaz-eyed sexiness smack dab on the front and you literally worship the Saga and consider Edward to be a god just as much as you worship Wicked and think of Fiyero as some sort of god.

-Every fanfiction you write about Wicked is based on your own life in some way, shape, or form, even if it's THE most microscopic basis, because you consider yourself to be Elphaba, just without the magic and green skin.

-You can relate almost anything to Wicked, even if it is extremely distant, and when you told this to your little brother while eating out at a resturant one night with your family, he began rambling off a list of completely random objects for you to relate Wicked to, and when he started saying things like "plate," and "twice-baked potato" just to see if he could stump you and prove you wrong, you immediately responded with, "They eat food off of plates in Oz, just like we do. It's not like they just pick it up off the table or anything, jeezum," and, "Oh, well, I'm sure that Fiyero, or Boq, or somebody probably likes twice-baked potatoes, or has at least tried one before!"

-When you introduce yourself, you do so with a slightly sarcastic tone and say, "I'm (insert name). You know, the other (insert position)? I'm...beautifully tragic."

-You talk to your pet(s) due to suspicion that it/they might be [an] Animal(s) in hiding.

-The background on your computer is either an image from the musical, or a drawing/something else that you found online that somebody made as a fan art or something.

-You brought up your grades because Elphaba's grades are good

-During WoO related conversations, you refer to the Scarecrow and the Wicked Witch of the West as Fiyero and Elphaba, respectively, even if your friends have absolutely no freakin' clue who the *censoring bleep* they are, or what the *bleep* any of what you're blabbering on about has to do with WoO, except that you also mention the names Glinda, Dorothy, Cowardly Lion, Toto (or, more likely, Dodo, instead, in which case they once again get extremely confusified) and occasionally the Wizard

If you hate that little brat from Kansas and her dog, Dodo, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you loathe Dorothy and her little dog Dodo then copy and past this on your profile. "Little brat, takes a dead womans' shoes! Must have been raised in a barn!" Elphaba

If you are Wicked, no matter what anybody else says or thinks, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are a complete and total overly-obsessed, die-hard, green-skinned, magic-wielding Wicked fanatic to the point that your rants and tirades sometimes make the obsession seem unhealthy to others, and are admitedly overprotective of Elphaba, but extremely proud to admit all of this, and are more than willing to openly smack someone as hard as you possibly can with all the strength in your body if and when they say something bad about Elphie, copy/paste this into your profile and add your name to the list:
Defying-Gravity-ForGood

The people in the world are black and white. If you would proudly be the only green person in the world given the oppurtunity were it possible, copy this into your profile.

If you randomly burst out singing songs such as "Put a Banana in your Ear" from Charlie the Unicorn 2, copy this into your profile.

If you are able to see how beautiful green skin really is, copy this into your profile.

If you have started making up your own Galindafied words and regularly use them in conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects, copy and paste this into your profile. (Wicked, Twilight Saga...)

(O) WICKED is on my ipod!! 92% of teens have moved on to rap! if your still one of the 8 that still listens to REAL music then put this on ur profile

When you saw Enchanted and saw the Wicked poster in the background you freaked out, just like when you realized that Idina Menzel is in it, and that Stephen Schwartz composed the music.

If you have ever tried to explain to your friends the difference between Animals and animals and they didn't understand a single word you said and gave you horrified looks because they thought you had finally lost it for reals, copy this onto your profile.

Imagine this!

Nessa, Boq, Galinda, Fiyero, and Elphaba are all sitting at a table at dinner.

Nessa looks at Boq.

Boq looks at Galinda.

Galinda looks at Fiyero.

Fiyero looks at Elphaba.

Elphaba looks at a book (and occasionally glances at Fiyero)

What we have here is a love pentagon!

Copy and Paste this if you love (or are obsessed with) Adam Lambert and he is your Fiyero of Choice and/or you think that David Cook would be one of THE best Fiyeros in the history of all Fiyeros!!! (him and Norbert Leo Butz, cuz as awesome as Adam is, you can't beat the original. Adam's just the next best thing, and David comes right after, 'cuz that boy would totally kick ass in that role. Have you HEARD him sing Music of the Night?! It's on my iPod and I get goosebumps every time I listen to it! I could literally just sit in my room all day long with that song on repeat and do nothing else!)

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is not even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

I have been self-diagnosed
with Obsessive Cullen
Disorder! Put this on your
profile if you have, too!

If you flip out and go into squealy fangirl mode every time Cedric Diggory appears on screen when you're watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire just because of who the actor is and the fact that he is also Edward Cullen, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you also do it every time you're watching a movie and the previews before the main menu come on and one of them is for a movie that has an actor that has been in even just ONE of the Twilight movies (mostly Rob/KStew/Taylor and the Cullen/Quileute wolf actors), copy/paste this into your profile!

If you slap anyone who tells you that Edward Cullen is not real, copy and paste this into your profile(last year in school, someone said that Edward/Robert Pattinson is/are UGLY...I smacked her. I got in trouble for it and had to spend a day in AC. It was worth it to protect Edward's rep. AND Rob's. NOBODY disses them while I'M around)

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with them. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would just laugh and say, "Oh, jeezum, where do I even start?"

98% of teenagers do/have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you think Bella is out of her mind for saying no to Edward's proposal in New Moon and you want to hit her hard upside the head with a blunt object not hard enough to kill her (cuz that would totally screw up the whole plot line and the entire point of the Saga), but just enough to at least knock her out for a couple hours or so, and maybe give her a very light concussion, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

93% of teenagers would have a total mental breakdown and go completely emo if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7% that would roll their eyes and say, "Um, yeah, no freakin' chiz, Eintstein. What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.

If you have sometimes walk into walls at completely random times, then announce to everybody who asks if you're okay or if you hurt yourself that you SO did not just walk into that wall, and you're completely fine, no need to be worried, you were just saying hello to it with your face, but thanks for your concern, copy this onto your profile

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. (there's a necklace that says this on Zazzle. here's a link: I don't suffer necklace)

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you just stood there and yelled BANG! then I don't think you'd be able to kill very many people.

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your sorry butt.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. That's why when I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!"

Logic and responsibilty announced it was time to get up. The rest of me gave the two of them the finger, then promptly fell back asleep and continued dreaming of a shirtless Adam Lambert singing with an equally shirtless David Cook while I tied Elphaba, Bella, and Renesmee to a tree with unbreakable industrial strength ropes, then forced them to watch me alternate between snogging Edward, tongue-screwing with Fiyero, and making out with Jacob in the middle of Edward and Bella's special meadow.

So if olive oil is made from olives and corn oil is made of corn and vegtable oil is made of vegtables...then what do they use to make baby oil? O_e

What's pink, goes in hard, then comes out soft and squishy?...IT'S BUBBLE GUM!!! Jeezum, what the chiz did you THINK I meant?!

My guardian angel is just like the Greek gods: bipolar.

It was so cold outiside today! Ooh, guess what! Earlier, I saw this squirrel, right? And I thought to myeself, "Aw, poor squirrel! His little nuts must be frozen solid!"

Polka-dotted unicorn monkey taco banana purple fish-stick thingy with a mustache!!

Okay, people, how freaking awesome would it be if you saw a DUCK doin the MOONWALK?

I have A.D.O.S. What's that? You wanna know what that is? It stands for Attention Deficit...OOOOH, SHINY!!!!...Wait...What were we talking about again?

Some people were accidentally dropped on the floor when they were babies...I think I got thrown at a wall.

Okay, so you know how sometimes random people throw skittles at you and shout "Taste the rainbow!" When that happens to me, I just throw a happy meal at them and shout, "I'M LOVIN' IT!!!"

I wish I could go back to the soft white room again. Those people in white coats are so nice! They even gave me a coat that lets me hug myself! :D

I don't just talk to myself. I talk to myself, get in a debate, lose, and then refuse to speak to myself for the rest of the day. (no, srsly, one time i had an argument with myeself while i was getting ready for school and i lost. it was about pie. No joke, people I'm being serious here.)

Repeat after me: Eye yam sofa king wee Todd Ed, sofa king wee Todd Ed. Keep repeating it to yourself and eventually you'll figure out that it's true!

I have an AWESOME plan!! All I need is a purple giant unicorn named Bob, 1,000 blue gummy bears, a hobo named Steve, a toaster, and a partner in crime! Any volunteers?! 8D

bree: hey i think your radio is broken, it's squeaking pretty bad.
me: no don't worry its just Justin Bieber the Beaver King.

if you hear over the radio that there is a psycho on a tricycle throwing skittles at pedestrians telling them to taste the rainbow, don't worry its only me 8)

you may think I'm random but my mind just works faster than yours.

If you fall, I'll catch you. If I miss and you do a face plant on the ground...I'll laugh.

Next time I'm on a job interview and they ask my weaknesses, I'm going to say Kryptonite.

WARNING: May trip suddenly and fall over nothing.

9 out of 10 voices inside my head are calling me insane, the other 1 is humming "Put a Banana in Your Ear" from Charlie the Unicorn 2

I thought I was going crazy. So i went to a therapist. After half an hour, she paid me to leave. I heard that she is now seeing a therapist.

MOBILE FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE: standing on the side of the road with a sign that says "I bet you can't hit me with a quarter" to see how much money I can get for people's idiocy!

The next time you're in Walmart, hide in a clothes rack and when someone is looking through the clothes come out and say "WELCOME TO NARNIA" :)

ROTFLSHMSFOAIDMTAYOMAT=Rolling on the floor laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco and you owe me a taco.

I throw some gravy in the air sometimes, sayin' AAAY-O! MASHED PATAAAAT-OES!! (later in the song) I throw some Skittles in the air sometimes, sayin' AAAY-O! TASTE THE RAAAAAIN-BOW!!

"Bloody Fingers"
As told to me and my best friend Asha
by my other best friend Carrigan at my birthday sleepover one year

Okay, so there was this hotel, right? And there was one room that was never given to anybody because it was said to be haunted. So one day, this buisnessman comes in from out of town, and he's all, "I need a room," and the guy at the desk is like, "We only have one room left, and it's haunted," and the buisnessman's all, "Pfft, please! I don't believe in ghosts," so the clerk gives him the room key and says, "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you." So that night, the guy is finishing some stuff up on his computer before he goes to bed, right? And all of a sudden he hears, "Blooodyyy fiiiingeeeers..." and he looks up. And there's these disembodied hands dripping with blood floating towards him! So he screams, and he's so freaked out that he just takes off without any of his stuff!
A few months go by, and this lady on vaction comes in, and she's like, "I'd like a room please," and the clerk's like, "The only vancant room is haunted," and she rolls her eyes and says, "I don't believe in that superstitious nonsense, I'll take the room!" And the clerk gives her the key and says, "Don't say I didn't warn you." So that night, the woman is in bed reading her novel before she goes to sleep, and all of a sudden, she hears, "Blooodyyy fiiiingeeeers..." and looks up, and there are the hands. She screams and takes off.
Months and months go by, and then one day, this guy with a guitar that looks like he's stoned and kinda hippie-ish comes in and he's all, "Dude, I need a room." And the clerk sighs and says, "Look, the only one left is haunted." And the dude is just like, "...Whatevs." So the clerk gives him a key and tells him, "Don't say I didn't warn you." So that night, the dude is up there, strummin' his guitar, and all of a sudden, he hears, "Blooodyyy fiiiiingers..." At first, he doesn't react. He just sits there for about five minutes and stares at thYOU e hands. Then, all of a sudden, he goes, "DUDE!! YOU NEED A BAND-AID!!"

Need more proof that humanity is one day going to kill itself out of sheer stupidity? Here are a few label instructions that can be found on various consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping (darn, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

A bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (maybe it's the shoplifter special?)

A bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap (which is how...?)

Some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost (but it's ONLY a suggestion)

Tesco's Tirasumi dessert (printed on the bottom): Do not turn upside down (little late for THAT, don'chya think?)

A Korean kitchen knife: Keep out of children (this is either a minor translation mistake or Koreans have more issues than we originally thought)

Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will me hot after heating (I hoped it'd be frozen...darn you, nuke powered microwaves!)

Packaging for a Roweneta iron: Do not iron clothes on body (but that would save so much time...)

Boot's Children cough medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication (yes, if only we could get those 5-year-olds with nasty head colds off the forklifts, the rate of construction accidents would go down dramatically)

Child's Superman costume: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents. I mean, sure, let's just go ahead and totally destroy a universal childhood belief!)

Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness (and...you think I"m taking this because...?)

Most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only (is there another type of "doors" I don't know about where I might be using them?)

A Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use (okay, i have no clue what this one means. anybody mind helping me out here?)

Sunsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contanins nuts (NO CHIZ!!!)

American Airlines peanut packet: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts (step 3: avoid elephants, perhaps?)

Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chains with your hands or genitals (O_0 uh...do Swedes do this often?...)

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