What's up, Fanfiction? I'm Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin. Not much to say, except that - One, my old intro sucked. And, two, I write fanfiction. The bulk of my fics are humor, save for One Piece: Parallel Works, which will be a bit more serious.

5/12/2013: One Piece fans, brace yourselves. Aomame is coming.

5/13/2013: He has familiar relations, but he is not a Monkey nor a Sarutobi.

5/14/2013: Some of the Grand Line's most infamous pirates got their starts through piracy. This pirate is the exception. How did this one pirate get his or her start?

5/15/2013: Happy birthday to Kartik Abingdon, the shipwright of the Capricorn Pirates! While most shipwrights are male, this girl proves that the female gender can build a great ship.

5/16/2013: Ten more days, ten more people. An anniversary of a popular One Piece fanfic shall be celebrated on this day, along with a surprise release.

5/17/2013: In Homestuck, the Capricorn is the most vicious player of the twelve, and the Libra is the one who seeks justice. While the Capricorns aren't vicious and the Libras aren't seeking justice, there is a third player. In Homestuck, this player is the weakest, as she died before she was introduced. However, in the One Piece world, this player isn't weak.

5/18/2013: Lots of stories in One Piece cover the span of months, years, and even decades. There can also be timeskips to these stories. However, there is a One Piece story that ends twenty-four hours after the events begin.

5/19/2013: One more week until all of these clues add up to something wonderful.

5/20/2013: Whatever the surprise I'm giving all of these clues for takes place on this day. It may be Monday in the real world, but in the One Piece world, Friday, May 20th, is when everything happens.

5/21/2013: Only five more days until this will all make sense. Double five and you get ten. What will the number 10 symbolize?

5/22/2013: First, it was Yuki-Rin. Then, Yukari. Who will be next?

5/23/2013: Three days left... And three stories shall be updated on that day.

5/24/2013: It's Friday, the beginning of a three-day weekend. In the One Piece world, a Friday is the beginning of something new.

Want to know what those mean and who Aomame is? Stay tuned.

My favorite anime/manga(Too many to list, but here's a top fifteen):

1. One Piece
2. Hetalia
3. D. Gray-man
4. Gintama
5. Puella Magi Madoka Magica
6. Fairy Tail
7. Baccano!
8. Soul Eater
9. Persona 4: The Animation
10. Durarara!
11. Katekyo Hitman Reborn
12. Night Raid 1931 (Senkou no Night Raid)
13. Blue Exorcist
14. Fullmetal Alchemist/Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
15. Sgt. Frog

Favorite Books: Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, The Mortal Instruments series, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya series, A Song of Ice and Fire (a.k.a. Game of Thrones), Gemma Doyle Trilogy, and Divergent

Favorite T.V. Shows: Doctor Who, Torchwood, Sherlock, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Portlandia, Adventure Time, and The Annoying Orange

Favorite Movies: Inception, The Hunger Games, One Piece: Strong World, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Favorite Bands/Artists: Flogging Molly, Deadmau5, Franz Ferdinand, The Black Keys, My Chemical Romance, Dropkick Murphys, Skinny Lister, Mumford and Sons, Pierce the Veil, Of Monsters and Men, DJ Taka, the Vocaloids, Daft Punk, Kors k, Rise Against, Fall Out Boy, Imagine Dragons, Four Year Strong, Forever the Sickest Kids, the Sex Pistols, The White Stripes, Gogol Bordello, and Two Door Cinema Club.

Hunger Games District - District 1

Patron Troll - Eridan Ampora

Game of Thrones House - House Baratheon

Divergent Faction - Erudite

Harry Potter House - Ravenclaw

You say Twilight
I say One Piece
You say vampires
I say Pirates
You say Jacob Black
I say Roronoa Zoro
You say Team Edward
I say Team Luffy
You say Stephenie Meyer
I say Eichiiro Oda
You say Robert Pattinson is hot
I say Trafalgar Law is HOTTER
You think Bella and Edward are the perfect dream couple?
I think Sanji and Robin
You say Edward
I say Sogeking

One Piece > Twilight

You say Twilight
I say Game of Thrones
You say vampires
I say the Night's Watch
You say Jacob Black
I say Robb Stark
You say Team Edward
I say House Baratheon
You say Stephenie Meyer
I say George R.R. Martin
You say Robert Pattinson is hot
I say Jon Snow is HOTTER
You think Bella and Edward are the perfect dream couple?
I think Ned and Catelyn
You say Edward
I say "Winter is coming."

You say Taylor Swift, I say Flogging Molly
You say Wiz Khalifa, I say Four Year Strong
You say Ke$ha, I say Pierce the Veil
You say Katy Perry, I say Panic! At the Disco
You say Miley Cyrus, I say Sleeping With Sirens
You say Soulja Boy, I say Dropkick Murphys
You say Nicki Minaj, I say Rise Against
You say pop/rap - I say "Punk's not dead!"

92% of kids have turned to pop/rap. If you're one of the 8% who are still listening to punk/rock, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Cobb was in reality at the end of Inception, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V. Show, video game, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. (Waah! Rest in peace, Finnick Odair, Whitebeard, Amy and Rory Pond, Mal Cobb, Natsume Kagiya, Maes Hughes, Sayaka Miki, Kyouko Sakurai, and Portgas D. Ace!)

If you want Suzanne Collins to re-write Mockingjay so that Finnick lives, please copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list. (Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin)

If you are hopelessly addicted to One Piece, copy and paste this into you profile.

Copy and paste this into your profile if you survived the apocalypse of December 21st, 2012.

If you cheered and celebrated when Jersey Shore was cancelled, copy and paste this into your profile.

On November 16th, 2012, the last movie in the Twilight saga came out. If you didn't go see the movie and celebrated the end of this series for good, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list (Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin - Long live Kaoru and Mina from One Piece: Parallel Works!)

FEBRUARY:

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

Heartbroken Lies: The Reality Show Where You Win Big!

What is it?: A parody of DanaRulezTheWorld's Hunger Games fanfic, which can be read here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9091632/1/75th-Hunger-Games-Third-Quarter-Quell-Heartbroken-Lies. In the fic, the Tributes in her fic are contestants on a modern-day reality show where they compete in weekly challenges to win money!

Hello, I'm Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin, the creator of Wolfgang from District 3 and Soren and Matsu from District 2. The Hunger Games have begun, and, sadly, your Tribute is either dead or in a precarious situation. But, not in my parody in this fic. In my parody, I will take your Tributes, cram them into a Reality Show Mansion in sunny Southern California, and make them compete in weekly contests. Instead of dying, the losers go back to their hometowns, with maybe even a return appearance or two on the show. The winner gets millions of dollars.

So, what do you say? If you haven't done so already, send your Tribute's name, age, hometown, appearance, job, and reason for coming onto the show to me. Don't worry - They're in very safe hands.

How Are the Contestants Eliminated?: You vote for three Tributes, and the three Tributes with the most votes go to the elimination ceremony. From there, I randomly pick one of the Tributes, and that Tribute is sent home. But, I have to say this: I am not biased toward ANY of the Tributes on this show, not even my own Tributes. However, I have already picked two Tributes to leave on their accord, which means that there will be no elimination ceremony the weeks they leave. There will be a chance that there will be a double elimination round at any time between the premiere and the final round of the competition.

Our Contestants Are...

1. Gander Glam (aijalontheman2012) -

2. Jemima Thomas (Emmeline C. Thornbrooke) -

3. Soren Sarutobi (Me) - Soren is twenty years old, and he is from Seattle, Washington. Soren comes from a wealthy family, but his main passion is playing the drums in the band he started with his younger brothers. He wants to win the competition so he can record an album with his brothers and so he can afford some stuff for his wedding to his fiancée, Teru.

4. Matsu Takeshima (Me) - Matsu is twenty-three, and she is a socialite from Boston, Massachusetts. Her older brother, Enoch, competed on the show two years earlier and won. However, her brother has been arrested several times since competing on the show. Currently, Enoch is on another show called 'Charm School With Magnus Bane'.

5. Wolfgang Katsuragi (Me) - Wolfgang is twenty-one, and he works at his family's computer company in San Jose, California. Wolfgang came onto this show for two reasons - One, his ex, Enlai, won the last season of the show. And, two, he was partially motivated by greed, even though Wolfgang is a millionaire.

6. Zara Zellweger (Dream of Venice) -

7. Aijalon Pryor (aijalontheman2012) -

8. Monroe Arkensea (reyabrego01) -

9. Killian Jones (PeenissandClato) - Killian is twenty-four, and he is from San Fransisco, California. Working as a lawyer at his dad's law firm, Killian wants to win the money because he wants to prove to his dad that he doesn't need him or his money, and that he can take care of himself and his family. He came on the show with his girlfriend, Bianca.

10. Bianca Calder (PeenissandClato) - Bianca is twenty-four, and she is from San Fransisco, California. She works as a nurse, and she is a writer in her free time. She came onto this show with her boyfriend, Killian, and she wants to win the show and become a successful writer.

11. Tefar Bellersin (reyabrego01) -

12. Kaitlyn "Kat" Foreman (DanaRulezTheWorld) - Katilyn is a rich girl from Los Angeles, California. She had the secret dream of becoming a world famous author, but she needs money kick start her career her parents won't give it to her (although she's never asked for anything in her life from them) so she's on the show.

13. Kern Rankline (VanillaTaco) -

14. Tracey Yuen (I Am Number 14) -

15. Aden "Red-Haired" Hanran (Demented Kawaii Kitten) - Aden is twenty-three, and he is from Miami, Florida. He works as a boxer and a personal trainer at the gym. He wants to win the show to further his boxing career so he can prove to his ex-girlfriend that he is mature enough to become a father and a husband.

16. Celeste Linens (Mangesboy01) - Celeste is nineteen, and she is from New York, New York. An aspiring model, Celeste came to the mansion and hopes to win so she can launch her modeling career.

17. Brendan Markell (Hunger Games rock 17153) -

18. Gail Davidson (Hunger Games rock 17153) -

19. Chase Keldheart (grimbutnotalways) - Chase is nineteen, and he is from Kansas City, Kansas. Bored of life in Kansas City, Chase is a troublemaker who has angered every law enforcement agency, as he always evades them with his martial arts and parkour. He came onto the show in hopes that something fun would happen.

20. Eleanor Mavor (N E T W O R K S) - Ellie is twenty-one, and she is from Chicago, Illinois. Working for a wealthy company that works with farms, Ellie is sick of being an intern, sick of her artistic career going nowhere, and sick of being single. She came onto the show to experience a break from everyday life and to win something for once.

21. Desmond Cordus () -

22. Marigold Amphilia (01) -

23. Jeb Helmac -

24. Arielle Mellark -

25. Connor O'leum (Dream of Venice) -

26. Andy Blue Granite (MarinaTheJolteonMaster) - Andy is nineteen, and she is from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She's trying to become an Olympic gymnast or runner, but she works at a McDonald's part-time while trying to make a living off of martial arts. Andy came onto the show thinking it would be fun.

Eliminated Contestants:

None yet!

The The Joy Luck Club Parody One-shot Section!

What is it?: One of my all-time favorite books is The Joy Luck Club, and it's a collection of stories from Chinese mothers and their daughters. I will parody every single story in the book, except the first and the last stories. (People who have read the book will probably know why I omitted the first and last stories of the book.)

The one-shots, what stories they parody, and what anime/movie/book/video game series parodies them:

A Farewell to a Frog's Manhood (parodies the story Scar; Sgt. Frog; Complete)

This is Worse Than the Joy Luck Club (parodies the story The Red Candle; Hetalia; Complete)

How Okama Kempo Scarred me for Life (parodies the story The Moon Lady; Touhou Project; Complete)

How to Become a Hunger Games Victor (parodies the story Rules of the Game; The Hunger Games)

I See Dead People (parodies the story The Voice From the Wall; Soul Eater)

I'm Going to Narnia! (parodies the story Half and Half; Fairy Tail)

Exorcists Have Talent! Not! (parodies the story Two Kinds; D. Gray-man)

Finish Your Rice or There Will be no Dessert (parodies the story Rice Husband; Homestuck)

Thanksgiving in Ikebukuro (parodies the story Four Directions; Durarara!/Baccano!; Complete)

I Want a Divorce, Darling (parodies the story Without Wood; Inception)

NCAA March Madness Party! Yay! (parodies the story Best Quality; One Piece. This one-shot is chapter 30 of The DysFUNctional Pirates; Complete)

No, Yuki, You Can't Flee to Mexico (parodies the story Magpies; Vocaloid; Complete)

Fran and Chrome: an "Epic" Romance (parodies the story Waiting Between the Trees; Katekyo Hitman Reborn)

I Got THIS NOSE Thanks to Plastic Surgery (parodies the story Double Face; Kuroshitsuji; Complete)

The "One Piece: Parallel Works" section!

Story Arcs:

East Blue Saga:
1. Intro Arc (Chapters 1-2)
2. Baleeira Porto Arc (Chapters 3-5)
3. Tequila Wolf Arc (Chapters 6-7)
4. Restaurant Row Arc (Chapters 8-10)
5. Lougetown Arc (Chapters 11-13; End of the East Blue Saga)

Noblesse Oblige Saga:
6. Ginling Island Arc (Chapters 14-16)
7. Ghost Ship Arc (Chapters 17-20)
8. Appenzell Island Arc (Chapters 21-24)
9. Baba Yaga Arc (Chapters 25-30)
10. Noblesse Oblige Arc (Chapters 31-37; End of the Noblesse Oblige Saga)

Airship Island Saga:
11. Five Days of Fun Arc (Chapters 38-43)
12. Triad Arc (Chapters 44-49)
13. Time Traveller/Project Mei Arc (Chapters 50-54)
14. Prince's Rebellion Arc (Chapters 55-59)
15. Airship Island Arc (Chapters 60-64; End of the Airship Island Saga)

Hell Casino/Mafiya Saga:
16. Erin Island Arc (Chapters 65-68)
17. Mr. Chung-Feng Arc (Chapters 69-74)
18. Last Samurai Arc (Chapters 75-78)
19. Playdate Arc (Chapters 79-82)
20. Hell Casino/Mafiya Arc (Chapters 83-88; End of the Hell Casino/Mafiya Saga)

Water Seven Saga:
21. Fractured Fairy Tale Arc (Chapters 89-94)
22. Three Mile Island Arc (Chapters 95-98)
23. The Cult of Bya no Kuei Arc (Chapters 99-103)
24. Vampire Princess Lavinia Arc (Chapters 104-107)
25. Water Seven Arc (Chapters 108-112; End of the Water Seven Saga)

Hawthorne University Saga:
26. Return of Roscoe Arc (Chapters 113-115)
27. Glass House Arc (Chapters 116 -120)
28. Shotgun Wedding Arc (Chapters 121-?)

Current Crew Standings:
Captain - Yuki-Rin
First Mate - Molly O'Flannigan
Musicians - Heathcliffe, Holden, and Soren Sarutobi
Fisherman - Hatori Chidori
Swordsmen - Kazuma Miyafuji and Mikuri Matsumoto
"Resident Ghost" - Isabella Sarutobi
Shipwright - Kartik Abingdon
Snipers - Karin Kotetsu, "Blind" Drusilla, and Z.G.
Singer - Maki-chan
Tailors - Matsu Takeshima and Aki Chung-Feng
Navigator - Hana Yakushi
Gunner - Aria Yakushi
Thieves - Yulia Tadase and Daisuke Saburo
Chef - Sebastian Hozuki
Chroniclers - Kaoru Kimura and Mina Nishikori
Boat Rigger - Showtarou Shinohara
Mascots - Ajax and Alec
Doctor - Ageha Midori
Dancer - Akari Shimura
Helmsman - Thierry Brighton
Archaeologist - Gareth Archer
Blacksmiths - Dewey Kirihana, Blaise Nightwing, and Sadie Hawkins
Merchants - Enlai Li and Wolfgang Katsuragi
Cabin Woman - Sayuki Matsumoto
Quartermaster - Rubio Lindocruz

Current Allies:
Kazuma's father (Alive)
Seiji Hozuki
Georgia Beauregard
Saint Kai-Fei (Deceased)
The Hurricane Pirates (All are alive)
Aki's mother (Deceased)
Yuki (The male businessman in the Appenzell Island Arc, NOT Yuki-Rin)
Nan, Oliver, Bixby, Leni, and Ein (Alive)
King Akio (Alive)
Ling Li (Alive)
Mai-Yee Li (Alive)
Anna (Alive)
Odair and Odio (Alive)
Okuda Pirates (All are alive)
Liam (Deceased)
Shireen MacDonald (Alive)
Mr. and Mrs. O'Flannigan (Alive)
Hiroto Miyafuji (Alive)
The Tadase Mafiya Family (All are alive)
Teru Sarutobi (Alive, but in a different time period)
Azarael (Fate Unknown)
Chimney (Alive)
Kokoro (Alive)
Kartik's Father (Alive)
Cameraman Sam (Alive)
Chie (Alive)

Current Villains:
Big Margo (Unknown; Implied to either be in a coma or deceased)
Saint Ayame (Alive)
Saint Sarutobi (Alive)
Saint Worthington (Deceased)
Sun-Ni (Alive)
Puck (Alive)
Little Boy who Kicked Kazuma in the Crotch (Alive)
Sienna (Alive)
Guy Working for Sun-Ni who Fell Asleep (Alive)
Roscoe Delacroix (Deceased)
Tuxedo Penguin Pirates (All of them but Kuro are deceased)
Queen Ai (A.K.A., the Baba Yaga; Deceased)
Shikari (Deceased)
Sheena Shinohara (Alive)
Stockholm Syndrome Pirates (all are alive)
"Dragon Lady" Shenhua Jiang (Alive)
Mitchell (Fate Unknown)
General Pasternak (Deceased)
Prince Pollux (Deceased)
Suzuki (Deceased)
Cressidia (Alive)
Professor Doppelganger (Presumed deceased after the Airship Island Arc)
Aki's Father (Currently imprisoned; Alive)
Saint Ninamori (Alive)
Lavinia Kimura (Deceased)
Enoch Takeshima (Deceased)

Upcoming Arcs:
Mandalay Zone Arc
Hawthorne University Arc (End of the Hawthorne University Arc)
Battle of the Bands Arc (Beginning of the Fake Capricorns Saga)
Grand Line Fruitery Arc
Murder Mystery Arc
Black Bear Lodge Arc
Fake Capricorns Arc (End of the Fake Capricorns Saga)
Turnback Arc (Beginning of the Timey-Wimey Wife Saga)
The Grand Line Festival Arc
Capricorn Wedding Arc
Mountain Resort Arc
Pomary Island Arc (End of the Timey-Wimey Wife Saga, beginning of the time skip)
Once More, With Feeling Arc (Beginning of the Capricorns go to War Saga, end of the time skip)
Molly in Wonderland Arc

Oh, my God! We have fanfics of the fanfic!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7320341/1/Heathcliffes_Secret

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7320644/1/Soft_Touch

One Piece: Parallel Generations Section

Story Arcs:

East Blue Saga:
1. Intro Arc (Chapters 1-3)
2. Baleeria Porto Arc (Chapters 4-5)
3. Yakuza Kitchen Arc (Chapters 6-?)

Current Crew Standings:

Captain: Yukari Miyafuji

First Mate: Kazura Miyafuji

Navigator: Teru Sarutobi

Musician: Stella-Rondo

Actress: Pearl Chung-Feng

Quartermaster: Lien Sarutobi

Shipwright: Rhett Abingdon

Chronicler: Amelia Abingdon

Tailor: Bridey Abingdon

Historian: Edmund Abingdon

Upcoming Arcs:
Wenqing and Lin Arc
Fever Dream Arc
Lougetown Arc

Epic Quotes from my fanfics!

From The DysFUNctional Pirates:

"I'm sorry. I can't take this chapter seriously anymore." - Crocodile (This line sums up the entire fic. XD)

"What makes you think we actually want to be in this parody?!" - Edmund (Another line that perfectly sums up the fic.)

"For the last time, YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY WHO DIED!" - Zoro

"Hey, yo, Miller! Let's get this show on the road! We don't want to miss Ironic Hipster Band #497!" - Kaya

"Do you want to be in the Swimming Anime?! Stop asking questions!" - Yasopp

"I never want to go to Hooters again!" - Luffy

"I like to ride gorillas!" - Blaise

"Alright, guys, we're going to have to step up our Google Maps stalking strategy. Last week was a total bummer. Now, locations we're stationed at is now disproportionate to people we're supposed to be stalking. Daisuke, where are you when we need you, man? You're supposed to be stalking Franky." - Enlai

"Let's get ready, guys. It's The Hangover. It's our generation's Gone With the Wind." - Daisuke

"Edmund Francis Shirley McYOLO Abingdon, you do NOT talk to the twenty-three year old version of your father like that. We are much classier than that. We Abingdons hold ourselves to high standards, and we will never stoop to something as low as a Real Housewife of the Whitebeard Pirates." - Kartik

"Cook-san, drop it like it's hot. Hipster-san must have come here after a long day of driving, so he must be stressed." - Robin

"Do not want, do not want, DO NOT WANT!" - Sanji

"Stop shopping there! Nobody wants to see you in leggings and a Hannah Montana T-shirt meant for ten-year-olds!" - Zoro

"Instagram that shit, then we'll talk." - Showtarou

"Bitch stole my cheongsam!" - Aki

"Hello, I'm Miller Pratt. You may know me as the lumberjack navigator hipster who is eventually going to replace Teru, but don't tell Soren Sarutobi that. I'm not here to talk about Teru – I'm here to talk about being with your sweetheart on Valentine's Day. Being with your sweetheart on Valentine's Day is out. It's too mainstream. We honestly don't need to see 10x more PDAs during this time of the year. For those couples, I have one piece – get it? – of advice for you – Get a room. And stay in it all day. We don't care about all of your ass-grabbing and tongue-kissing. It's gross. Oh, by the way, these things are totally in – Anime, marathoning your favorite shows, parkour, Mumford and Sons, Cajun French, cake pops, sketch comedy anthologies, and biographies of celebrities. You're welcome." - Miller

"Then why did I get an E-mail from the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas saying that I start work today?" - Zoro

"Teru needed the money, saying something about my future daughter, who is apparently named 'Aurelia', needing a jet ski for a wedding in the Czech Republic." - Soren

"Alright! Up top, Bonney! We've got hipsters for kids!" - Law

"Hi, my name is Edmund Abingdon, and, yes I was named after Edmund from Chronicles of Narnia." - Edmund

"Linton Channing Pettyfer Magic Mike Sarutobi II, you are to leave the set of this reality show right now, or I will be forced to call the police." - Mihawk

"Why the Hellman's mayonnaise not?! Let's all get chocolate wasted! We're all having candy for dinner!" - Sanji

"Thank you for removing all metal objects. Please head inside. While you're watching these second-rate performances, your car or ship may be subject to various break-ins -" - Blueno

"One, one, one, one, one, one, dots!" - Doflamingo

"What the hell happened to the Nishio sub-plot?! I was supposed to play this Japanese Communist, and I get written out in favor of Gareth and Rubio watching chick flicks?! The authoress doesn't even like those movies, especially The Notebook and Breakfast at Tiffany's! Change it so Rubio and I hash out our differences, or I will not appear in the 75th chapter! Opal, Daiyu, Jin-Mao, Stella-Rondo, Alto, Kazura, Pearl, Lien, and Edmund have threatened to not show up for the upcoming 75th chapter, and I will gladly join them if my wish isn't granted!" - Miller

"Albatross!" - Zoro

"The revolution needs us!" - Stella-Rondo

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Bunk beds are cool! A bed with a ladder! You can't beat that!" - Law

"Do you accept Peeta Mellark as your Lord and Savior?!" - Kokoro

"Who put Shredded Wheat in my iPad case?!" - Carne (or Patty)

"Dinner song. Dinner song." - Bepo

"I'm changing the subject because we need to move on, and Full House is on in ten minutes, and your baby son prefers to be called 'Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All'!" - Wolfgang

"Do you honestly think we want to be nanny-ed by a pimp? Hell no!" - Holden

"Hi, kids! Today, we're going to talk to you about democracy in monarchy-run nations!" - Tashigi

"I like older women, you know?" - Doflamingo

"Chopper, Doctor Who doesn't exist in Westeros." - Robin

"Hey, Rhett, let's ask Google 'Do you know where my parents went?'" - Bridey

"I'm thankful for Z.G. and Karin, who should get married and file papers to get custody rights for me." - Drusilla

"No! No more cupcakes for you!" - Law

"Don't remind me about the Swimming Anime! Hana's already shipping the characters!" - Aria

"Whatever happened to you being gay for me?" - Mikuri

"This is not okay. We were planning to go to a music festival. Even though the festival is on the beach, going to the beach is so mainstream." - Kazura

"...And then, Katniss Everdeen and Master Roshi defeated the giant Cthulhu that was holding Sheldon Cooper hostage. They went back to Hogwarts in their TARDIS, and they did shots with Nepeta Leijon, Jon Snow, Gale Hawthorne, Irene Adler, and Ichigo Kurosaki. All was well in the land of Narnia." - Mihawk

"If you win the Yukijima Lottery, call us. We'll bake you cinnamon rolls, since cakes are too mainstream sometimes." - Lien

"Macy's is fiercer!" - Blaise

"Chopper, what's wrong? Do I need to check to see if Jennifer Lawrence is in your closet?" - Usopp

"Applejack is best pony." - Daisuke

"Perfect! We're going to Taco Bell! Meeting dismissed!" - Luffy

"Don't look at them. I think they're groupies for Flogging Molly." - Jyabura

"2DX Gold!" - Chaka

"Uhh... Wow. I am never putting Siracha on ANYTHING again." - Sanji

"No, he is not going to wear that. Daisuke wasn't designed to be a whore." - Wolfgang

"Thierry, you're not my Moirail anymore, the nickel in my pocket is. His name is Phillip, and he's actually a girl nickel." - Kaoru

"O rly? Jesus Ponies." - Kazuma

"Wolfgang Keima Katsuragi, what the hell are you doing?! Why are you selling your body when you already have millions of dollars?!" - Yohan

"Oi, welcome to the Mandalay Bay Las Vegas. Are you checking in today?" - Zoro

"Maeve, we're right here. And where are my parents? As far as I know, nowhere." - Rhett

"Needs more unicorn juice." - Magellan

"You don't need to see this. I don't understand why Sherlock isn't wearing pants." - Wolfgang

"Are you the girl from the Craigslist ad?" - Mr. 3/Galdino

"The Hamptons are in a place called 'New York', and rich people go on vacation there." - Robin

"It's in Swedish! I don't know Swedish, aside from 'The Swedish Chef', 'IKEA', 'Berwald Oxenstierna', 'Regular, Ordinary, Swedish Meal Time', 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo', and all of ABBA's songs!" - Gareth

"Apparently, going to the movies in the 1930's required you to shut up, get classy, and to just do it as if you were in a Nike commercial." - Nami

"A welcome back party? Okay, one, it's Wednesday, meaning that it's a school night. And, two, they were only gone for a week. Why are they throwing a welcome back party?" - Bonney

"I'm too pretty and drop-dead gorgeous to die at the hands of Nobles!" - Heathcliffe

"Oi, I'm going back to the Sunny to take a nap. We can schedule this at a later date." - Zoro

"It will be called 'House Sexy Times'. Our house sigil will be Holden in sexy underwear from Calvin Klein, and our motto will be 'I like tacos'." - Chopper

"A blue-haired girl who wears hipster glasses AND skirts over pants? I think it's time to go onto Yelp and find a good gastropub around here." - Kazura

"The Lord is testing me..." - Enlai

"Do you realize that Daleks are the superior beings?" - Kokoro

"Oh, we'll stay for that. As for all of the stuff pertaining to the Shichibukai and Capricorns... No. Ain't nobody got time for that." - Kazura

"It's not my fault Mal is a possessive, insane bitch. I mean, she tried to kill Ariadne, who is a stone-cold fox." - Holden

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ADONIS DNA!" - Ace

"What is it, Ajax?! This better be freaking important! Is the meadow on fire?! Aki handcuffed Yuki-Rin to a sofa and forced her to watch an Audrey Hepburn movie marathon with her?! What is this sorcery involving Flogging Molly and pineapples?!" - Daisuke

"Lucci, stop. The T.V. has feelings too." - Kalifa

"I don't care what people say! Homer Simpson got tazed when he wandered onto that soccer field!" - Zoro

"Shut yo' mouth!" - Chopper

"What? This is a crack fic. Kartik's just doing some funny impressions." - Luffy

"No. Just because I'm Mark Zuckerburg for Halloween does not mean you can buy Facebook stock from – Oh, hello." - Wolfgang

"Oh, by the way, does anybody know why the girls of Ikkitousen wear Chinese dresses? This is totes important." - Stella-Rondo

"You, at ten. You, at ten-thirty. Bring a friend." - Heathcliffe

"Anyway, I have to go see a man about a dog. YOLO." - Luffy

"Get out of my house! You can't even pass Healing-D-Vision on Beginner mode! Do you think we got married because of THAT?! No! Change and go be Sealand, desu-yo!" - Law

"Why are YOU here?! Nobody cares about your appearance on Top Chef!" - Crocodile

"If you're gonna strip me, we stop pickling things." - Bonney

"Here! Take all of my fish fingers and custard! You're not my mom and dad! My parents died in some Black Friday riot!" - Kaya

"Marimo - I mean, Moffat!" - Sanji

"Oh, my God! They have a nine-story Sears!" - Lien

"Spring break!" - Urouge

"He's immensely enjoying this music. Aren't we all, Lumberjack Hipster-san?" - Robin

"Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on." - Holden

"I'm just... I'm just gonna leave, 'kay?" - Zoro

"Well, I have to go watch security footage of Forever 21 changing rooms. I'll leave you be." - Kyuubey (He's from Madoka Magica)

"No more ponies, please! My manhood hates ponies!" - Kazuma

"Hey, dad, if you want half-naked samurai, go join those cross-dressers!" - Kazura

"Stop it. Seven Brides For Seven Brothers is a masterpiece. As for you, Foley Maeve, you have to attend Boa Hancock's next lecture at The Learning Annex." - Miller

"The head of House Supernova, Trafalgar Law, declined to go to Himeruya Landing, citing that it was "Too mainstream". We wish him and the other members of House Supernova well." - The Narrator

"Can't. My mom banned me from playing Scrabble." - Zoro

"You're grounded for not acting like those fake-ass girls on Laguna Beach!" - Bellemeré

"We prefer 'organic llama farm'." - Law

"You guys are freak dancing... In fancy clothes. It's a contradiction, like Starburst." - Aurelia

"Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch! I want some Baja Fresh!" - Chopper

"Y u no Katniss Everdeen?" - Rayleigh

"Now, j00 young'uns get off mah lawn, or I shall pwn ya'll by making ya'll lose The Game!" - Gedatsu

"We could've had it all! Rolling in the deep!" - Doflamingo

"Did you know that when a member of the boy band Menudo turns sixteen, they get fired and replaced?" - Kartik

"No, you do not. I don't care that you guys play Jane and Michael. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and Chim-Chimeere are way too mainstream for you." - Miller

"Showtarou jacked us a copy of Bioshock 3! I knew he was cool!" - Daisuke

"Umm... Hello! Why are all ya'll forgetting about me?! A dolla' makes me holla', Honey Boo Boo Child!" - Brook

"Oh, for the love of Joseph Gordon-Levitt…" - Spandam

"Shut up, betch! I can play whatever game I want, since Luffy's the king of Westeros!" - Chopper

"I'm hiding from my nerdy dad. He took me from my home in Hong Kong to marry a pretty-boy and I don't have enough money to run away to Mexico." - Enlai

"Don't taze me, bro! Ain't nobody got time for that!" - Sanji

"How, when, and WHY did you become my kids?! If I'm correct, several of you are older than me." - Law

"Fifty bucks says that they're faking it." - Zoro

"You know, my parents learned their parenting skills from Cops, so, maybe that can make you guys stop fighting." - Hana

"Oh, Dear Lord! I think I'm having a stroke! This ramen is crap!" - Mihawk

"You can't stop me and my sudden urges to bitch-slap a villain, put my clothes back on, and leave." - Law

"Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley, and I have diabetes." - Finnick (I know he's from The Hunger Games, but still...)

"...Their night shopping wasn't over though, they still wanted to buy a refrigerator. Poor T, in appliances, had to deal with them next. What the hell is so hard to understand about the word 'closed'?" - Edmund

"I'll give you a Dave and Buster's gift card! Oooh! You can hold my keys! I'll even give you money!" - Magellan

"Sugoi! Trophy wives!" - Luffy

"Hey, it could be worse. We were going to name you 'Peeta Mellark', we were going to name Holden 'Nucky Thompson', and we were – Wait... You're still alive?! I thought you died!" - Saint Sarutobi (Heathcliffe, Holden, and Soren's father)

"Drop the charges!" - Bepo

"My mom sells lessons on how to establish a Ya-Ya Sisterhood on Craigslist." - Daisuke

"Hi, there! At dawn, we ride." - Edmund

"Rupert Graves is good at football and has five children!" - Benn Beckmann

"What the hell is this? I came here to learn, not to watch a Shichibukai freak dance!" - Buggy

"Waiter! More Waffle House hashbrowns!" - Crocodile

"Anyway, please put your hands together for Boa Hancock. Be nice to her, since we had to pay her thousands of dollars in cash bribes just to have her speak for The Learning Annex." - Eneru

"Looks like Luffy isn't going to go see a man about a dog. Does he like wandering around New York alone? Is he going home? If so, where is his home? Does he live in a mansion or in a box? How many swimsuits does Luffy own? On what days does Luffy eat eggs for breakfast? Does he like the Heathcliff cartoon? Do I sound schizophrenic, do I sound like a stalker, or do I sound like I'm on my dad's club drugs from his rave?" - Usopp

"Oi, Capricorns, I hope Tom Bodette leaves the light OFF the next time you stay at a Motel 6!" - Edmund

"Well, then… Uhh… Go home. Oh, and don't drop screws in people's tuna." - Smoker

"Somebody call 911! Shawty fire burning on the dance floor!" - Holden

"I am fifty and going to school. What is this?" - Alton

"You named your ship after a music festival?! Shut up! Let's be friends!" - Leira

"I wear a fez now, Baka Enlai! Fezzes are cool!" - Wolfgang

"Princess Shirahoshi, what's wrong?! Is Thierry trapped in the well?!" - Hana

"Thank you, thank you. We're not The Lumineers. But, we do a kickass cover of Ho Hey." - Locke

"This is supposed to be a building for The Learning Annex, not a strip club!" - Kohza

"Now, before I call my dad and his drinking buddies, let me explain to you a thing." - Usopp

"In-N-Out is too mainstream. Go to Five Guys." - Yukari

"Well, I do declare!" - Kartik

"As of right now, Miller Pratt is the strongest link, because we needed a link who didn't add anything unecessary to his answer. Kalifa is our weakest link, since she didn't even get a question to answer. Did you know that switching to L.E.D. lighting saves the Holiday Inn hotel chain 4.4 million dollars every year?" - Mihawk

"A pox! How delightful, a pox! Uhh… I mean, who's the blonde geek on your crew?" - Doflamingo

"I also tried Mason, but he said he couldn't go, because he said he was shopping for some more eyeliner. I mean, who in their right mind does that?" - Edmund

"Have you no shame? We can't ask that guy! He's passed out in the middle of the street!" - Blaise

"Luffy, are you on drugs?" - Zoro

"Alright, here's the plan – We're gonna buy some Swedish meatballs, and then we're going to look at furniture. Then, we can rescure Dr. Kureha and pray this nightmare will end soon. Capiche?" - Sanji

"Anyway, please be on your best behavior. Kaya works at P.F. Chang's now." - Enlai

"Circle, circle, dot dot, I got my cootie shot." - Yuki-Rin

"Shower and change into fancy clothes. We're doing the sweet escape." - Sanji

"I can't - *cough* - breathe in this room! It - *wheeze* - smells too much like gummy bears." - Mikuri

"Monet beat me up for no reason. She told me that I was in the wrong neighborhood." - Zoro

"Drink this so I look like an actual pageant mom." - Enlai

"Hi, kids! I'm your new nanny! Would you like a Jelly Baby?" - Doflamingo

"We found love in a hopeless place!" - Johnny and Yosaku

"You used too many GIFs in your Tumblr post. Please give up one of these properties if you own them: Supernatural, The Hunger Games, One Direction, Hetalia, or Sherlock." - Daisuke

"You're right, Gareth. Sanae Shintani is a fox." - Rubio

"Marimo, put the frosting gun away. You're not an emotional eater." - Sanji

"Bitch, I didn't come here to defend my swag. I came here to run away from a wedding to a pretty boy." - Enlai

"I wish my name was Stephanie." - Mihawk

"And I opened five Apple stores in the Tri-county area." - Wolfgang

"Hmm... Looks like my subscription to Martha Stewart's magazine is expiring... I'd better renew it before something exciting happens." - Sanji

"I love you, Annie Cresta!" - Capone

"I'll raise your twenty to twenty-five. We're gonna be here a while, so go put on Skinny Lister's set." - Locke

"Son, is it too late to change the channel to The Real Housewives of the Swimming Anime?" - Yasopp

"Why are you getting married here? You know, you can make the three-hour drive to Las Vegas and get married there." - Miller

"And, so then I went, 'Red Vines - What the hell can't they do'?" - Sanji

"Shut up, Hawkeye. I'm a Noble, and I can do whatever I want. Where was I? Anyway, Holden, consider yourself lucky that you're attending the Celestial Dragon Boarding School. You need to form a seperate identity from your brothers, and you need to learn how to be a real man and not a sissy-ass, pretty-boy, punk rocker. Then again, your old man had dreams of his own before he became Saint Sarutobi II. I wanted to be a male stripper-slash-escort like Magic Mike. So, I did what Soren did and ran away from home. I worked with a young Dragon Lady, and I worked under the stage name 'Nicki Minaj'. Sadly, a year and a half later, my father found me, burned my male stripper costumes, and dragged me home. When I got home, he -" - Saint Sarutobi II

"We're in Central Louisiana in the year 1936. What do you expect?" - Wolfgang

"The fuck is this, Dominos?! We don't serve pizza!" - Kidd

"I don't always drink beer, but, when I do, I prefer Dos Equiis. Stay thirsty, my friends." - Kartik

"No. Never again, are we going to Sears. America doesn't shop there anymore." - Yukari

"I'm so proud of you, son. I'm taking you to Hooters." - Franky

"Are you serious? I can't. No, no, I'm not doing that. I'm sorry." - Enlai

"'Keep Calm and Throw Oysters at Haters'? Sounds legit." - Kureha

"Beal is not your old friend! He's only twenty-five!" - Wolfgang

"I want whatever you're drinking. It must be good." - Thierry

"No, Moria, we went over this yesterday. You're going to sex rehab while I babysit your house." - Zoro

"Enlai, it's me, Margaret. Your parents in this story arc, Mikuri and Sayuki, got into a fight over the costs of various tea sets from Japan, and Sayuki had Mikuri arrested and put in jail for the night. Now, Sayuki wants Mikuri's house, samurai sword, and Sessue Hayakawa movies." - Margaret

"...This island has a dress code? Gosh, nobody told us." - Miller

"Swimming Anime exists!" - Bepo

"Why is it that I'm always alone in these types of situations in these types of oneshots? Then again, I DID start the bromance." - Daisuke

"Of course not. Miller's a hipster. He's in the school's chapter of Pitchfork Magazine. I'm sure you've never heard of Pitchfork." - Bonney

"Okay, so I waited until mother and father went back to Torchwood and the Capricorns to watch the movie Lust, Caution. Putting all of the resistance cell stuff and the NC-17 subject matter aside - and, yes, I am nineteen, so I can see the movie without consequence -, I could not stop thinking about the politics of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe while I watched Lust, Caution. When the movie ended, I was all, 'This is what happens when the White Witch finds out about Edmund, Peter, Susan, and Lucy's resistance cell. They die'. I think we should have a double-feature movie night - Lust, Caution followed by The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. Maybe we could make it public so we could raise money for the anti-Torchwood resistance cell." - Edmund

"PUDDING IS TOO MAINSTREAM! I PREFER FLAN!" - Law

"I don't love Fluttershy! Doctor Whooves is best pony!" - Wolfgang

"And that is why Sengoku is no longer allowed to discuss episodes of Jackass at the Shichibukai meetings anymore." - Crocodile

"Molly, that was very un-Shirley Temple-like of you." - Aki

"Excuse me, but tell us WHY this island has a formal dress code when I've seen people walk around in sweats and Uggs." - Edmund

"Status update: Law has locked himself in his bedroom, and he's playing Joanna Newsom at full blast. This is not looking good. This will be a long night filled with hipster-shaming, shouts of 'I am so done', and more fights than Jerry Springer." - Bonney

"Heathcliffe's here. I so called it." - Daisuke

"Oh, shit, son! It's an okama! Everybody, back in the car!" - Sanji

"It's not fair! Why couldn't Alto be my roommate! Why can't Alto-sempai notice me?!" - Stella-Rondo

"Hasn't it ever occurred to you that you could just leave? Even Heathcliffe could figure that out, and he isn't even in this oneshot!" - Enlai

"What the zebra print purse from Guess?!" - Nami

"We're here for the infomercial shoot." - Kartik

"Good afternoon, sleepyhead. Did Tom Bodette leave the light for you?" - Edmund

"Of course! If you get poisioning, call poison control. Tell them that Bonney and Law sent you." - Bonney

"Luffy, what's Charlie Sheen?" - Chopper

"Yeah! I'd better be pushing a vintage carriage, not something Gucci designed." - Miller

"You shouldn't be happy for Yuki-Rin! Because of her antics involving Girl Scout cookies and censors, we're forced to make an appearance at Hancock's lecture on beauty, princesses, and Paris Hilton at the next Shichibukai-related appearance The Learning Annex is doing!" - Hana

"Let me sell some of my stock in Northrop Grunman, then we'll talk." - Wolfgang

"I warned you about the stairs, Broham!" - Ace

"Will freak dance for free booze!" - Zoro

"I am defecting from the group for no reason given." - Rubio

"Cersei Lannister is hot. Your arguement is invalid." - Sengoku

"Sabo, you are in no condition to deal with being in a strip club!" - Kidd

"No. You're quitting the pool cleaning team." - Alton

"ASDFmovie!" - Wolfgang

"It's not a farce without some type of social commentary about these two ruling kingdoms. I mean, look at Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. Sure, we all enjoyed the books and the movie, but, to me, it provided some great commentary about facist and totalitarian states and the resistance cells that seek to bring them down. To me, I found The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe's plot comparable to the early days of the Second Sino-Japanese War, where resistance cells in Shanghai sprung up to bring down the Imperial Japanese Army." - Rhett

"Sir, we don't - Trafalgar, you are the sickest man ever. Did you come here just to piss me off?" - Kidd

"Roronoa Zoro and Miller Pratt are the only contestants left in our show. After this lightning round, the one who has more points at the end of the round wins. Did you know that some ants can make themselves explode?" - Mihawk

"Oh, hi, hipsters. If you aren't Google Maps stalkers, then leave." - Enlai

"Oh, yeah! WE had to stay home!" - Luffy

"You guys are from Halifax in this parody." - Monet

"I don't wanna stalk Franky! I wanna stalk Sengoku's seagull!" - Daisuke

"Correction. It's a Wal-mart SLASH IKEA. Basically, President Snow and his people decided to light a bonfire outside of District 12 a few days back. Well, there was some drinking involved, maybe some drugs, but, we know one thing – Somebody threw a propane tank into the bonfire, and the bigger fire burned everything in the District except for the Victor's Village." - Holden

"Because you're a puppet! He's paying me with gum, bacon, and Dom Peringnon for the filming period of this chapter." - Yasopp

"Heathcliffe's not in this oneshot? Why?!" - Kazuma

"We're here for the one they call 'Justin Bieber' - I mean, Foley Maeve." - Smoker

"Nami, what have we taught you in World History? Imperalism is racist, Nami. I think you should give up." - Jango

"Such a beautiful language…" - Molly

"Miller, I've only known Leira for one hour and thirty seconds. You can wait a few years for your hipster babies." - Kazura

"Let's watch Helvetica Standard!" - Law

"Well, smack that bitch up and call me Etsuko. Some kid broke into my house." - Smoker

"Inception and Doctor Who are lies. Take this before Kokoro sees you." - Showtatou

"But, I don't want to be a pimp, shota, tsundere, OR sempai!" - Usopp

"What?! Can't a guy audition for Top Chef without getting stranded in China?!" - Daisuke

"Oi, thanks for the free hotel stay!" - Zoro

"Not now, fishie! I need to wash my perfect fucking hair!" - Holden

"I need an adult! Mommy! Daddy! Enrique Iglesias!" - Sanji

"Shirley Temple is too mainstream! I like Wendy Marvell better!" - Yuki-Rin

"Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it." - Doflamingo

"Yo. I hope you don't mind, but I took some food from your fridge. Damn, that was some good butter. Land-O-Lakes is best butter." - Blueno

"We're leaving. Somehow, I ended up setting the shower on fire." - Heathcliffe

"Excuse me, but do... Princess Cute as a Bug In a Rug, Princess Young Chicken, Empress Cute as a Bug In a Rug, Queen Gabby Guppie, Princess Young Bird, Duchess Running River, Duchess Fresh-as-a-Daisy, and Countess Curses Like a Sailor? Okay, what kind of drugs have I been doing?" - Iceburg

"My name is Jack... I'm on the floor." - Shanks

"Hey, Kaya, we've kinda been on a break for a while. Can we get back together? I'll take you to see that new documentary about pandas with Benedict Cumberbatch as the narrator. You like Benedict Cumberbatch, don't you? If not, then you like pandas, don't you?" - Usopp

"Pink, fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows! Pink, fluffy -" - Zoro

"Luffy, stop pulling things out of your pants. We're on national television." - Usopp

"Is that why I'm here? I thought I was here to scar some people for life and dress up like Pedobear." - Akainu

"Rhonda?! That's not even a classy name! I was supposed to be named after Rhett Butler, and now I'm named after that rich kid from Hey Arnold!" - fem!Rhett

"Boxed wine? Excuse me, young man, but, boxed wine is the trashiest beverage ever! Have you no class?" - Kartik

"I don't sleep – I wait." - Aki's dad

"'Marine layer' is too mainstream. I prefer the term 'fog'." - Stella-Rondo

"You piece of pancakes! You can't even translate the sentence 'I can eat corn on the cob with my bare feet' into Korean! My Korean chat buddy will kill me if he finds out that I can't speak Korean!" - Chaka

"Heathcliffe, tricking people into divorce is not nice." - Nami

"I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face! I'm painting your face!" - Doflamingo

"Where am I? And why is Kokoro-obaasan Ned Flanders?" - Daisuke

"I came from yo' basement." - Smoker

"Kicking ass and taking names... Shirley Temple wants you to come at her, bitches." - Lucci

"No! I had a reason why I threw your yaoi into the ocean!" - Sanji

"No! Not sober!Gamzee!" - The Capricorns

"I'm not finished, Goddamnit! When I got home, my dad grounded my ass and shipped me off to the Celestial Dragon Boarding School. There, I learned the manly arts of hunting, slam poetry, oppression 101, interior design, politics, and Spanish. At my graduation ball, I met your mother, a young debutante who -" - Saint Sarutobi II (Even though he appeared in one chapter of the fic, Saint Sarutobi II had a memorable monologue)

"Leave Britney Spears alone!" - Enlai

"Did that guy just get sent to the hospital?!" - Edmund

"No! Don't sue Jhonen Vasquez! He transcends Aizen in the world of awesomeness and blueberry pancakes!" - Hatori

"I'm Katniss!" - Luffy

"As you can see, bagel insurance is a prime asset to invest in. You'll never know when your bagel will be severly injured and you have to take care of it." - Perona

"I want to join the boy band Menudo, but Kartik won't let me because i'm sixteen!" - Kazuma

"Hell no. I wanna hide out in Mexico for about six months, then I'll seek asylum to Hong Kong, citing personal safety reasons. Then, I shall return to my ancestral home, marry a cheongsam-clad maiden, become a kung-fu star, and have Chinese kung-fu star swag. Then, when my dream wife and I have kids, we're naming them Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, Peony Pavilion, Dragon Swag, Thomas, and Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere." - Enlai

"So, who's excited for that new anime that's about schoolgirls riding tanks?" - Gareth

"Sabo is here!" - Sabo

"Law! Let's go make out in a closet!" - Yuki-Rin

"I'm getting paid for this, right?" - Chopper

"Yulia's not here either. She said that she's not supposed to appear in these oneshots, because the authoress said so. And if she did, the authoress would write another chapter at the Learning Annex." - Showtarou

"What? What did you say about horses with machine guns?!" - Chaka

"Since when did this turn into the Oprah show?" - Mina

"You're not Garp. Going to Brony conventions is a legit excuse for him to get out of arrests. Now, you're coming with me." - Smoker

"Blueno fell and he couldn't get up. Grab the kids, we're going to go visit him in the hospital." - Kartik

"Capricorns, bathe them and clothe them in Armani Exchange. We're taking them to the casinos." - Nami

"Auf Wiedersehen, peasants!" - Gareth

"Uhh... Our names are Kazuma Miyafuji, Heathcliffe Sarutobi, Daisuke Saburo, Holden Sarutobi, Soren Sarutobi, Gareth Archer, Wolfgang Katsuragi, and Enlai Li. We're straight males between the ages of 16 and 21 and we don't belong to a Ya-Ya Sisterhood." - Daisuke

"For the last time, I am NOT Lauren Conrad!" - Stella-Rondo

"Fish fingers and custard you! I want to watch Game of Thrones!" - Usopp

"I don't give a water closet!" - Rayleigh

"Take us with you! Please, for the love of the God of Vintage Levi Jeans, get us away from here!" - Law

"Then, Maeve punched A.A.A. in the face, allowing Mason from the Libra Pirates, Gareth from the Capricorn Pirates, and Kim from the Aries Pirates enough time to pull the fire alarm. Childish, I know, but it covered everyone in fire extinguisher foam. Now that her nightclub was ruined, Hancock saw no need to be on Yukijma, so she left, effectively cancelling Yukijima Shore. After that, we still had to take on Crocodile, Mihawk, Moria, Kuma, Jinbei, Doflamingo, and Kuma over the next several days before we faced off against A.A.A. It may have been a very crazy adventure involving hipster-shaming, fancy clothing, a pirate crew I've never heard of, and musical numbers, but I actually kind of enjoyed it." - Nami

From The DysFUNctional Pirates: The Movie:

"It says here that I'm the Mockingjay. I'm not sure whether to be flattered – seeing as though I'm the only Hunger Games fan here besides Yuki-Rin – or very disturbed." - Hana

"Fine! Go grind against your sexy boyfriend! Go cheat on Shitty Katsuragi! Go ahead, because this resistance cell sucks!" - Enlai

"Gareth, go down to the corner market and buy some chloroform. Don't ask questions. Just do it like you're wearing Nike shoes." - Ageha

"I volunteer in place of Yulia! She's not going! If she goes, we're all going to the Capitol! We're gonna kick some ass and make contracts with strange ferrets! We're gonna drink orange juice like a boss, and we're gonna be clothed in sexy, designer clothing! We're gonna have a Girl on Fire, a Boy With the Bread, a Boy Who Lived, and some ducks, AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!" - Daisuke

"I fucking love you, Hana. I also fucking love my hair, but that's another story." - Holden

"We bought this for one thing - Frozen booze!" - Shanks

"This isn't some high school drama like Degrassi! Ain't nobody got time for that!" - Hana

"I got the role of 'metrosexual house husband'. Does this mean I have to marry Hana?" - Wolfgang

"A laotong contract. It begins when two girls become penpals and write their letters on fans in some dialect of Chinese that I cannot comprehend. There's no communicating on Facebook involved, BTW. Next, they meet in person and sign the contract. Snow Flower did that with Lily in Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, and they became lesbians. The end." - Enlai

"I think I ship my own boyfriend with Wolfgang now... Stupid yaoi shipping tendencies." Hana

"Welcome to Switzerland. Please stay a while." - Honne Dell

"But, of course. I hope Hana and Holden get married. Hana better wear a TARDIS dress instead of white." - Aria

"Over Steve Jobs' dead body! I don't care that you're Hana's girlfriend! She's still playing my wife!" - Wolfgang

"We… Are Bed Intruders." - Daisuke

"Keep it down, okay? Nobody wants to hear about porn voices and how some little girl is telling her mommy how she hates some color." - Sabo

"Anyway... It's time for the intermission! During this time, you may - Who the hell are Kazura Miyafuji and Edmund Abingdon and why did Kazuma and Kartik change their names to 'Kazura' and 'Edmund'?!" - Igaram

"What are you sweating for? Go to Target and buy me lots of booze, non-alcoholic drinks for the minors, food, and a DJ table. If anybody asks, don't ask questions. If anybody recognizes us from the resistance cell, scream and make funny noises until adults arrive." - Wolfgang

"We'll get through this. We got through Vegas, the chocolate factory, Blackbeard's house, Princess Vivi's mansion, the Project X party, the fake Hunger Games, the voyage with the Straw Hats, moving into the apartment, and the proletarian play." - Aria

"Perfect. Now, be a good boy and take your shirt off right here in front of everyone." - Hana

"You two play a wealthy, married couple, and I play the in-law that visits from time-to-time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get some stuff to make a full-course Chinese meal, since I don't want to even look at my supposed brother right now." - Enlai

"I am so done! Who wants to come with me to go downstairs and file a noise complaint?!" - Kazura

"Because... L'Oreal, because I'm worth it." - Holden

"The people on the Magic Bullet information tell me to do things..." - Wolfgang

"And now he owns Sebastian fifty bucks for a new toaster." - Hana

From The DysFUNctional Christmas:

"I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!" - Soren

"Edmund, Rhett, Amelia, Bridey… There's a guy with a square nose who wants to take you to New York. He says he knows your father." - Yukari

"You heard me! I set up a hot tub! Go strip down to your skivvies, and join me in my hot tub! I've got chocolates, and we're watching Inception whether you like it or not!" - Dadan

"Usopp, Holden… I think I got a funcussion." - Luffy

"Hey, no swearing! This is a Christmas story!" - Chimney

"Wikipedia told me that it was a bird. Then again, Wikipedia tells me a lot of things, like the fact that Jake English from Homestuck is gay and that Twinkies will never expire." - Lien

"By the way, Edmund, can I have this van when the road trip is over? This van is so legit." - Stella-Rondo

"…And hopefully, just knowing that I love you and I care makes you feel a little better… Or creeped out... Either way, you're feeling something." - Heathcliffe

"What is this – A parody of Wakko's Wish or the Hunger Games?!" - Kartik

"Okay, so far, it looks like we're beating a certain pirate crew that begins with 'Capricorn' and ends in 'Pirates'. If they manage to get the wishing star before us, I will summon Daenerys Targaryen, the Mother of Dragons, to them so they can get a taste of some dragons." - Edmund

"We're going to Candy Mountain, Charlie!" - Sengoku

"Is it the day you finally stop making illegal booze, selling crystal meth on the streets, making counterfeit wallets, beating up your boss' boss, and throwing mad office raves?" - Usopp

"Anybody want tortilla chips?" - Sabo

"Yeahhhhhh, it was a party in the U.S.A!" - Crocodile

"Meet Molly, Hussie, Floozy, The City of Pawnee, Indiana, Gus, and King Robert of House Baratheon, the First of his Name, King of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm." - Spandam

"Yep! I had some guy install Sirius XM in the van last night! He was a little sketchy, but he was an okay guy!" - Lien

"Kids, here's a thousand bucks each. Go to the arcade and don't ask questions. And, you two, get a room." - Wolfgang

"Usopp, could you get that for me? Daddy needs to pump his shotgun." - Yasopp

"Chill the frick out. Ajax is making a nest right now. You'll be fine." - Showtarou

"You just caused a live-action Hunger Games! Way to go, Garp!" - Sengoku

"Kureha? She's my homegirl!" - Grandma Magda

"This isn't Gallifrey One or Who Con! Go home!" - Sanji

"I am so done with this. Expect Christmas cards from me in three days." - Monet

"In the early years of the 16th century, to combat the rising tide of religious unorthodoxy, the Pope gave Cardinal Ximinez of Spain leave to move without outlet or hindrance throughout the land. In a reign of violence, terror, and torture that makes a smashing film, this was the Spanish Inquisition." - Loki

"My hair's so dirty, it hurts…" - Heathcliffe

"You're off the team." - Edmund

"I just decided I'm not going. I need to go buy some McRibs before they get taken off store shelves again." - Enlai

"You know what? I think we should go back to 1544. 1524 scares me. A lot." - Kazura

From Da Hungah Games: Director's Cut:

"Hana, get ready - Interviews are tonight. Oh, and winter is still coming to Westeros." - Thierry

"Heathcliffe, this is a televised fight to the death, not a male beauty pageant. Right now, you should focus on your survival instead of your pretty-boy looks." - Usopp

"Woah, woah, woah! Stop the press, stop the trains, stop all foot traffic in Tokyo! Kuina told you not to eat the food from Carl's Jr.!" - Lafitte

"Okay, I'm only wearing a towel wrapped around me, I'm not at my house in the Dirty, Hungarian Phrasebook, and a vampire just gave me a lollipop. What the hell is going on here?" - Hana

"Yeah, we know. We saw those Hunger Games where you vaporized people with Chell's gun from Portal." - Vivi

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" - Dr. Kureha

"Well, I wash and condition it twice, then I use some product, then I wash it again, then I put some more product in my hair. It works. As for you, don't get too attached to my hair. I have a girlfriend back home who can touch my hair as much as she likes." - Heathcliffe

"You need to go to rehab. Or at least get some nicotine patches." - Sanji

"Bazinga!" - Usopp

"This is officially the best day of my life. Besides the day I met Bonney, the day I met Holden, the day Ace gave me free dozens of donuts, the day I began reading Homestuck, and, obviously, the day I discovered yaoi." - Hana

"You're at Yaoi Con. Of course, you're in a hospital." - Nojiko

"Get your hands away from her. You just slapped Hana Yakushi, Panem's sweetheart. She has a photoshoot for the IKEA catalogue tomorrow, and if her Prep Team finds EVEN A SMALL WELT, I will bust yo' ass!" - Thierry

"I'm straight! I'm straight! I'M STRAIGHT!" - Usopp

"Why do the male Tributes for 4 and 8 look like Joey Tribbani and Chandler Bing?" - Hana

"Sorry about that. The translator's been stuck on 'Super Evil Dictator Mode' ever since Pwngoat was sworn into office." - Sengoku

"I was the one who operated the claw that lifted you, Heathcliffe, and Usopp into the hovercraft. I accidentally dropped Ace and Robin. Sorry." - Holden

"I couldn't get a liquor license. Now, stop talking about Target before somebody calls the cops on us." - Tsuru

"These Games get weirder and weirder every year. I mean, I'm no stranger to this stuff. During my Games, our arena was the Playboy Mansion." - Usopp

"Hana gives me free booze when Ageha's not looking, and - Oops! Was I supposed to say that?" - Thierry

"Perfect! Now, my children, go out there and make people happy. If not, then we have to stay in a Best Western for a night and not Over at the Frankenstein Place." - Bon Kurei

"Look, you're gonna have to put the gun down. We can talk." - Ace

"I decide to just go straight back to my room. Why? So the cops can't find me." - Hana

"So, today was a calm, peaceful, serene day where nothing happend. Oh, and three of our Tributes died today. So, it's about that time where I take time out of whatever you were doing so you can remember a friend. Remember, that Tribute who tried to shank you in the Cornucopia or eviscerate you in the night wasn't your enemy, he was your buddy." - Lafitte

"Shh... Shh... Let me pap your face." - Margaret

"Okay, which one of you is a Communist?" - Hana

"To this day, Aki still has nightmares of being left on the roof of Caesar's Palace." - Heathcliffe

"We got this. We're hipsters, so we should be fine." - Bonney

"No! Not Shanks! He's my drinking buddy!" - Thierry

"I've got some sad news - We've lost some of Panem's best and brightest. Memorial services for the Tributes who died today will be held at my place tomorrow. Cake and grief counseling will be offered. Oh, wait, the cake is a lie. Never mind." - Lafitte

"How's it hanging?" - Nojiko

"Since when do you like Pimp my Ride?" - Holden

"Man, that was some NCAA March Madness party Mayor Hawkins threw." - Hana

"Next year, we're all going to play Sburb with John, Rose, Jade, and Dave instead of playing the Hunger Games." - Zoro

"Uhhh... Hi there. You might not know me, but I know you. I'm Ace's dad, and I run Whitebeard's Bakery. Just... Don't tell my son he's adopted. Also, take these brownies. No, they are not laced with marijuana. Why would I ever do that?" - Whitebeard

"Oh, Hana, don't be a Monica, be a Phoebe! Is this because District 11 reminds you of your dead, hipster friend?" - Hawkins

"Hungover? Welcome to my world! But, then again, it's five o'clock somewhere!" - Thierry

"We could do it, you know. Run away to Mexico and start life anew. Don't worry about learning Spanish, we can buy a Rosetta Stone when we get to Mexico City." - Holden

"Nice going, Hana! You weren't supposed to blow up the arena!" - Ace

"Yes, I am sober. Screwdrivers and mimosas are totally breakfast drinks." - Thierry

"Shut up and eat your McNuggets!" - Bon Kurei

"I'm from the Musical District. We don't listen to Carly Rae Jepsen there." - Robin

"After I calm down, I order some chocolate chip cookie dough and some ice cream from room service, blast some John Mayer, and read a sexy yaoi fanfic involving the Pokémon Gym Leaders Brawly and Morty." - Hana

"Dude, I'm not gay for you. And, the last time I checked, you have a hot, Chinese girl back home that you like to have sloppy make-outs with." - Ace

"I got this watch at a yard sale, and nobody questioned why I bought it at a yard sale. Haters gonna hate." - Sanji

From Limbo is Different for Everyone, Cobb:

"Saito, why the bloody hell do you have a KFC in your subconscious?" - Eames

"And why is a rapist clown chasing you? Was that a projection or something?" - Cobb

"Obviously, he doesn't know what went on in Limbo, since Yusuf was never married to a crazy, French lady." - Cobb

"I don't think so. If Ariadne is going into Limbo alone, she's going with a gun." - Arthur

"Kick me if I begin making gun shapes with my fingers." - Ariadne

From Of Vegas Marriages, Genderbends, and Kenan and Kel:

"Actually, Mr. 2 Bon Kurei is my stripper name. My real name is Bentham." - Bon Kurei

"Help with homework? Sorry, kids, but, i'm in Vegas this weekend, so, put up and shut up," - Shanks

That's all, folks! Now, go read my fics and review them!