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| Criminally Insane Angel |
(Oh, my avatar pic does NOT belong to me. It belongs to =madeleine-elizabeth. I just thought it was funny, so please do get all bitchy on me and snitch on me.) Hi to all you weirdos out there! Don't worry, I'm one too! Wait...on second thought, you should worry! XD Meh, cause I will murder the people who piss me off, because frankly I already have family members who applies to that little job. :\ Now I'm off to kill- I mean, "visit" some people who were NOT friendly to my friends and me. Now where is my ax? Damn it! I just it saw it somewhere! (looks around)...Fuck...This may take a while... About the Author: 1. I have a voice in my head that tells me to do...bad things. 2. I tend to get drunk off of soda. (Only when I'm tired) 3. I tend to sleep less then I should. (The doctor said that is the trigger of my migraines because I don't get enough sleep) 4. I absolutely love horror movies! (The gorier the better!) 5. I am horrible at spelling! 6. I am addicted to music. (It's my life) 7. I am friendly, but mess with my friends or family then you just bought a ticket to hell! 8. I now wear glasses! (I'm a dork now! JK!) 9. I have a very short term memory...Now, what the hell am I doing again? NEW!!!10. I am now seeing a Psychologist...whoop-de-FREAKIN-do! This isn't a chain letter, but this story is so touching. Please take time to read. You don't have to, though. :P A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? Repost this if you truly believe in God. PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what, I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.' Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'' 'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' 'My mommy loves white roses.' A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message, or Invader Zim Questionnaire: 20 Q's (Paste this into your profile if you are an IZ Fan) 1. If you could hang out anywhere, where would it be? My Answer: Zim's lab! Heh, there is a lot of things I can get to wreck havoc to the town! 2. Which IZ Character Would You Date? My Answer: Damn, tough question... I like both Dib and Zim so either one would do! (Damn...I sound like a slut...O.o) 3. Which IZ Character Is Your Best Friend? My Answer: GIR!!! Who doesn't want to be the little guy's best friend! (Haters!!! That's who!) 4. Which IZ Character Do You Hate? My Answer: I personally don't hate anybody, but I do dislike Moofy, Iggins, and Prof. Membrane. They just annoy the hell out of me! 5. Your Favorite IZ Episode? My Answer: Is this a trick question? I love them all!!! 6. Your Favorite IZ Character? My Answer: Both Dib and Zim 7. Favorite Almighty Tallest? My Answer: I love the color red, but I like Purple's personality... I DON'T KNOW!!! I like them both!...Sorta... 8. Zim walks up to you, what do you do? My Answer: O.O I would look calm, but on the inside I would be dancing and screaming! Or hug him to death like a rapid fangirl I am! WOO!!! (THAT just not make sense!) 9. You just got 2 tickets to go see a concert, who do you take with you? My Answer: I would take Dib and get him to dance with me! *fangirl squeal* 10. You accidentally got stranded on a deserted island...who got stranded with you? My Answer: Probably Zim cause he is stupid enough to get us stranded and Dib cause he smart to get us out. 11. Zim asked you to help him repopulate Irk...what is your answer to this disturbing question? My Answer: O.O... Uh, first off I'm too young maybe when I get older and...Wait aren't smeets cloned in a tube? So you just need my DNA or something? Ok! ^.^ 12. Favorite IZ Pairing? My Answer: NONE!!! BEGONE!!! But I respect others people’s opinions… 13. You and the Tallests are on the Massive...?? (I don't know where this question was going!) My Answer: I would talk to them then sneak off and try to fly the ship! YAY, WE ARE ALL GONNA CRASH AND BURN!!!! 14. If you could spend your Friday Nights doing something, what would it be? My Answer: TRYING TO BURN DOWN THE SCHOOLS TO THE GROUND!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (If you haven't notice, I HATE school.) Or hang out with Zim and/or Dib! 15. Favorite IZ Quote? My Answer: There are so many! SO MANY!!! Well I think is this one... Dib: [gasping] Sorry I'm...late...Horrible...nightmare visions! 16. Favorite Zim Moment? My Answer: Wait, is this a trick question? Well... Random Kid: UGH! My organs! (Falls to floor while holding his stomach) Zim: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Inferior human organs! (Gets hit with a ball) UGH!!! My sqeedily spooch!!! (Falls to his knees holding his sqeedliy spooch) 17. Favorite Dib Moment? My Answer: Again...is this a trick question? Dib: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Prof. Membrane: Son! There better not be any walking dead up there! Dib: It's nothing to worry about dad... and I said I was sorry about that! 18. Favorite Tallest Moment? My answer: Zim: My Tallest! Hey, my Tallest! My Tallest! My Tallest! My Tallest! My Tallest! Hey, my Tallest! My Taaaalleeest! My Tallest! Hey, hey, my Tallest! My Tallest! My Tallest! My Taaaaallest! Hey, my Tallest! My Tallest my Tallest, my Tallest! MY TALLEST! My Tallest! Hey, my Tallest! It's me, look at me! My Tallest! My Tallest! My Tallest! Red: I was curious as to see when you'd shut up on your own. But it's been three hours ZIM...THREE HOURS! So, what is it? Zim: Well I've noticed that you're flying closer to Earth then EVER before and- Purple: Hey, how did you know that? Zim: Oh I know all kinds of things about you! Pretty creepy, huh! Anywho I- Purple: HEY, that is creepy... Your creepy, ZIM! Zim: Heh heh, I sure am. Anywho... 19. Favorite GIR moment? My answer: WHAT!!! There are A LOT, but if you insist... Zim:GIR! Gir: [explodes from inside a turkey] IT'S ME! I WAS THE TURKEY ALL ALONG! Zim: I was wondering what that turkey was doing there... 20. Favorite Random Moment? My Answer: Poop Dawg: Zim, I have come for you! You know you read too much JTHM and watch too much Invader Zim when: 1) You've gotten into several 'Lasers vs. Smoke Machines' debates with your friends 2) Every time you hear a teacher say "Children today have it so easy", you're tempted to scream "YOU SPEAK LIES! LLLLIIIIIEEEESSSS!" while clawing at the air like Zim 3) If someone says the words 'Red and Purple', the first thing you think about is the Almighty Tallest, not the colors. 4) You learn someone in your class is named 'Johnny', and emit a fangirl squeal. 5) You now think all Chihuahuas are EVIL! 6) You've taped your fingers together to see what it would be like to have only three fingers 7) The thought of Dib being Johnny makes more sense than it actually should 8) You now order 'Brainfreezies' at movie theaters and drug stores 9) Your friends aren't even surprised anymore when you spout a random JTHM or Invader Zim quote 10) The name 'Jimmy' makes you shudder with revulsion 11) Speaking in third person doesn't seem odd at all 12) At least ONCE, you've tried to imitate one of the character's voices 13) You want a T-shirt that magically changes logos without your notice (like Johnny's) 14) You're genuinely shocked whenever someone wonders aloud 'Who is Jhonen Vasquez?' 15) Height has become very important to you, and you now look up (both physically and figuratively) to those who are taller than you If at least one of the above is true, copy and paste this to your profile! Funny sayings, Funny Words of Wisdom 1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. 4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. 5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. 6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue. 8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. 9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. 10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?" 11. My Reality Check bounced. 12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key. 13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. 14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. 16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. 17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level. 18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? Quotes I Like! I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense. I didn’t escape from the mental ward! Those sirens are a complete coincidence! Earth is the insane asylum for the universe I'm smiling. This should scare you Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are You think me calm on the inside, but I've already imagined killing you three different times. It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With a hunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. Fourteen times. The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open That does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast! Curiosity killed whoever got in my way. 27 of the human population has homicidal tendencies. The rest are just victims. The human race is lucky I'm a nice girl, otherwise only 1/4 of them would be alive right now You can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person PMS - Possible Murder Suspect Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up. Get plenty of sleep. Be kind to your mind. You'll miss it when it's gone. I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive There's too much blood in my caffeine system You think I'm screwed up?! You should meet the rest of my family! I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here Please God, if you can't make me thin, make my friends fat Once I saw a vegetarian eating a banana. I asked her how would she like it if her skin was ripped off and she was eaten alive Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another? Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if you think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem? I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio My parents almost lost me as a child, but they didn't take me far enough into the woods. Everyone has a list of problems and issues. But I am #1 on everyone's list. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter Whoever said words don't hurt have obviously never had a hard-backed dictionary hurled at their head I didn't say it was your fault. I said i was going to blame you If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!" It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face. I had to hit him! He was starting to make sense! Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes! I get plenty of exercise; jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines. My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway. Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the hell is my ceiling?!" I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? I called your boyfriend gay so he slapped me with his purse Love your enemies, it pisses them off I'm not mean, I just say what most people keep in their heads. Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested You're not getting out of this world alive, so you might as well die. Be the type of woman, that when your feet land on the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil thinks: "Oh, crap! She's up!" Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do, kill me? I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up. You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either. Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!! Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment? Do you think I'm weird? Don't answer that... Weird is running up and down the street in a bikini, rubbing butter all over yourself, and screaming "I'm a pretty muffin!" If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. One day, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Education is important; school however, is another matter. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. HELP! I've fallen and I- Hey, nice carpet! I hear voices, and they don't like you. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS! If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Fake is the new trend. I guess everyone’s in style Yes I may be smiling, but I’m secretly laughing at your face. He who laughs last didn't get it. Sometimes I wonder 'why is the Frisbee getting bigger?' then I get hit in the face. The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Define normal... She's my best friend. Break her heart I'll BREAK YOUR FACE My best friend is better than yours so stick that in your juice box & suck it! He broke my heart. I broke his jaw. Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary. One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world. To date, life has been a race between Software companies making bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe making bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen! Being weird is like being normal, only better. I've been to the dark side, man. They lied about the cookies... Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall downstairs Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional... Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it? Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full. My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three If two wrongs don't make a right, make a left Tell me what you think you thought I think I said! If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it You call me a Bitch, well a Bitch is a female dog. A dog barks. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. So thanks for the compliment You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how in the hell you did it. It amazes me that we thought of putting a man on the moon before we thought of putting wheels on luggage. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark? Whatever it is -- I didn't do it! Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening. You know it's a bad day when you roll off the bed...and miss the floor. The worst way to keep a boyfriend is to tell him i love you. But its a great way to lose one. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!" COPY AND PASTE THINGYS I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight and Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, Wisegrl13, MizLizzi, DeathByMarshmallow,Criminally Insane Angel Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says, ‘If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile. Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. If you want Invader Zim to come back, copy and paste this into your profile and sign your name: xx-A-Little-Birdie-xx, RulerofFire, MyWhiteLady, Invader Nyx, Serentochan, Zim'sMostLoyalServant, Sara Zoe Tigris, Guy Person, JoeMerl, secretsofadarkangel,InvaderXJadeXUchiha, White Water Demon, Criminally Insane Angel If you have a lot of fanfic ideas in your head but are unable to bring yourself to write them, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. if you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you know someone(many people) who should be run over by a bus and/ or train, copy and paste this into your profile If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. I'm sick of team Edward and team Jacob...I'M TEAM GIR!! If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile, and add your name! Invader Misty, Criminally Insane Angel If you believe in God, copy and paste this onto your profile. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, GoodyGoody23, -xIxHEARTxEDWARDx-, sakurabloom1124, Phish Tacko, fictionfreak93, InkAndPaperTwin, OnTheHour.EveryHour, DarkAngelSnapeLover, LilysLittleTwin, SlytherclawHP, KatakaCandy2429658, Invader Elze, Invader Misty, Criminally Insane Angel If you say IZ pairings like they appear instead of saying the letters (Saying "ZAGR" as "Zagger" or "GAMR" as "Gammer") copy & paste this onto your profile. pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer. 15 percent of every high school population is considered "Popular". 20 percent is desperate to become a part of the popular 15 percent. 20 percent couldn't care less. 15 percent realize that popularity doesn't matter. 10 are too busy worrying about their grades to care. 5 percent are goth, 5 percent can speak another language fluently, and 5 percent are too stupid to realize that no one likes them. If you are a part of the 5 percent who think the 'unpopular' 85 percent should rebel against the popular 15 percent, copy this into your profile. If you think Invader Zim should kick Sponge Bob's yellow square ass post this in your profile If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.(I always lose...) If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because your a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombe and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. If you're one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off copy this to your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, copy this in your profile. If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't ignore it because the Bible says that If you deny Me, I will deny you in front of My Father and the glory of Heaven. If you've ever wanted to say "fuck you" to any sort of authority, copy and paste this onto your profile. 95 of people would go nuts if Edward Cullen jumped off a building. If people think you are mentally insane copy and paste this into your profile.(A lot of people) If you are the type of person who gets in trouble in class for reading while the teacher is talking copy and paste this and add your name. Queen of Atlantis, Bellas.My.Alter.Ego, Sir Spamalot, Give Up your Prejudices, kendraxinjectionxx, lotsadodles11, horselover597, Invisibool, KatakaCandy2429658, Invader Elze, Invader Misty, INVaDERd00m, Criminally Insane Angel If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly (about 24 hours now not counting the few hours of sleep), Alleyanna Cullen,hugz.4.all.the.emo.boyz,sk8rchickmax, Sammi, Nukagirl, Wolfy the Ironic Ninja, F. D. Tamms CrazyGirl99, Scarlet Masquerade, theatrical-expressions, JoeMerl, miharu365, Invader Misty, Criminally Insane Angel If you have no idea what people are talking about yet you pretend that you do, copy and paste this on your profile. If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. If you know it's only a matter of time were invaded by Irkens, paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile. If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I like, can't believe, I like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've been caught for reading in class for multiple times, paste this onto your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever yelled at the book you were reading because the characters did something stupid post this on your profile Profile your into this paste and copy ,retard a like beggining the from this read actually you if. Now Read It Backwards If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile. If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it. (P.S. If dyslexia is like this, I think I could handle it) If you think that it would be fun to be a cartoon, copy this message into your profile. If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you want world peace, a brighter future, and more chocolate, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile. If you think Nny is sexy, and say so about every 10 seconds, copy and paste this onto your profile. Copy this onto your profile if you enjoy copying things onto your profile, just for the hell of it. If you have ever fallen UP the stairs copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped DOWN the stairs copy this into your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being popular, copy this on your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a little voice inside your head that talks to you constantly and won't shut up, copy and paste this into your profile. If you approve of gay-marriages put this on your profile and add your name to the list: Gaara's-pandachan101, 678yui-julie-and-kiki-kitten, Flying_Shadow666, GregsLabrat, Panda-Boo15, R1R1H2, heartofstone15, Criminally Insane Angel If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. 98% of girls would follow Robert Pattensen if he jumped off a building. If you're part of the two perecent who would grab some popcorn and fight over front-row seats to watch, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. So many girls pretend they're something they're not just to fit in, if you're not one of those girls copy and past this into your profile. Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, ECT, copy this onto your profile. If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile! If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you've ever stared at someone until they finally got fed up and yelled 'What?!' then screamed 'DON'T LOOK AT ME!", copy/paste this to your profile. If you've ever thought up a scene to a story without first even coming up with a plot, copy and paste this onto your profile. ╔╗╔═╦╗ put this on your page What if... What if the world ended in 2012? What if I gain 10 pounds before next year? What if I find out I'm allergic to bees? What if I died with my best friend? What if I found out I'm really an alien? What if I get cancer? What if my house catches fire? What if my pet gets taken to the pound? What if Invader Zim gets taken off the air for good? What if my computer breaks? What if I run out of peanut butter? What if I get food poisoning? What if The Simpsons got canceled? What if I lose my bff due to some stupid fight? What if my TV dies out? What if I don't win the lottery next Tuesday? What if my goldfish dies? What if I go to jail for something that I didn't do? What if my internet stopped working right now and I had to start this list ALL OVER AGAIN? What if? Life's too short to worry. If you believe this, copy it to your profile and write some of your own. 10 Reasons Not To Read The Below Messages 1. It's a waste of your time 2. No, really, it is 3. Seriously, stop reading. 4. If you just read the word 'Roflcopter' in the last 60 seconds, you suck 5. See, number 4 was a reason. 6. Though number 5 wasn't 7. Because you're bored 8. Wait, that's why you're reading this, aren't you? 9. Stop reading this, seriously. 9a. Seriously. 9b. Seriously... 10. You know, seriously, every second spent is time you'll never get back. Let this be a lesson to those of you that wasted your time reading all of the above.. Every bit of time you spend is time you'll never get back. Stop reading these chain things once they get lame, and use your saved time for more constructive things. If you fell for this, copy this to your profile, and teach someone else this lesson about using your time wisely. ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS THAT SCARE ME: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..." You live off of sugar and caffine People think you're insane. You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then dissappear off the face of the earth the next. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. (ZIM STYLE!) You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. (copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions) You know you live in 2010 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years. 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don’t have a screen name or MySpace. 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV. 6.) If you make all your oatmeal in the microwave. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice there was no number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. 7 Ways to Scare the Shit out of Your Roommates 7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate with a sadistic look and mutter, "Soon...soon..." 6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks. 4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the hell is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you’re hungry. 2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?" 1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer." Repost this if you think you are going to do it! To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!" 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana 7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity. Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile. Things to do on an Elevator 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons. 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers. 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. if you are planning to do all or one of these things then copy and paste it! 50 Ways To Fail An Exam: 1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh gee, better get cracking," and scribble furiously. Turn it in a few minutes early. 2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!" 3. If it is a math or science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer or essay exam, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol. 4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril. 5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read the questions aloud and debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out sarcastically, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 6. Bring cheerleaders. 7. Walk in, get the exam, and sit down. About five minutes into the exam, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture this semester! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?" 8. Bring a video game. Play with the volume at max level. 9. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example, write "I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs". Be creative. 10. Bring pets. 11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor and say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes. 13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers. 14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 15. Come down with a bad case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 16. Complete the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For maths or science exams, try using Roman numerals. 17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she or he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay. 20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, and continue with the exam. 21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes in. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..). 23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, swear loudly and walk out triumphantly. 25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts. You could threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink. 26. At some point during the exam, start crying for mommy. 27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him or her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper." 28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera," until they drag you away. 30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam. 31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over. While laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? 'Days of our Lives' is on!" 32. Bring a water pistol with you. Enough said. 33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to 'Jeopardy'. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to 'The Bridge on the River Kwai'. 34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam. 35. If the exam is maths or science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Work PI and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield. 37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation. 38. Bring cheat sheets from another class (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip. 40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask him or her to work it out for you. 41. Wrestlemania. 42. Bring balloons, blow them up, and start throwing them around like they do before concerts start. 43. Try to get people in the room to do the Mexican wave. 44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. 45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, and telegrams sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam. 47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. This includes desks, chairs, and anything you can reach. 48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. 49. Bring a musical instrument with you and play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, claim "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the student handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so". 50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor (name) Sucks." 100 WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF WALMART! 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles. 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. 11. Get several of those frogs (that croak when somebody walks by) from the Garden Dept. and place in strategic locations throughout store. 12. Play with the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long," etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?" 15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department. 16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a test drive. 17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!" 20. Put M&M's on layaway. 21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. 24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!" 26. TP as much of the store as possible. 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. Once accomplished, move on to a harder word 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" 31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 32. Take bets on the battle described above. 33. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." 35. Walk through the store and start talking to yourself loud enough for everybody to hear; "I'll bet they have better prices at TARGET!" 36. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him ” I need some tampons!!” 37. Try on bras over top of your clothes. 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags, against their will. 40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?" 41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 42. Two words: "Marco Polo." 43. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them. 44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics, while headbanging & playing air guitar to Willie Nelson demos. (Bonus: Braid hair & tie bandanna around head). 45. Make a trail of lemon aid on the ground, leading to the restrooms. 46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" 49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 51. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually. 52. Turn on toys that make noise or talk at random intervals, and leave them in strategic locations. 53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. 54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. 55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!" 56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 57. Set up another battlefield with GI Joes vs. Barbies. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!) 58. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room. 60. Ask everyone in "Electronics" "Do you know what CD this song is on? I don't know the name but it goes like this:". Then sing loudly, and don't stop until somebody throws you out. 61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels. 62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them. 63. Beg the greeter for those happy-face stickers. Stick them on your face, then stand next to him and copy whatever he says when customers walk in. 64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. 65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie." 66. Try on every pair of shoes in the shoe department. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles. 67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 68. If you're female: Take some men's clothes to the mens fitting room and ask to try them on. Act shocked and insist But I AM a man if the attendant says anything. If you're a man, vice versa. 69. With friends, form a line that leads to nothing. Act like you're all excited about something. See how many people who walk by will come stand in it, too. (Note - This really works) 70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!” 71. Plastic fake-vomit and fake-dog doo can be utilized effectively here. 72. Go outside to the payphones, call the store and ask them to page customer "Hugh G'butt" 73. Stand in front of the Preparation H. Ask everyone who walks by which hemmorhoid remedy they prefer, then launch into a detailed description of your own problem. 74. While you're doing that, have white-out & markers handy. Modify the boxes of "Anusol" by covering up the "OL" on the logo. 75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc. 76. Take a chair to Electronics, tune in all the TV's to Young & the Restless, and watch while sobbing loudly. 77. Chase your friends up and down aisles with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you. 78. Ride the little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if on a horse, act like a cowboy, etc. If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start crying. 79. Take fishing rods & a fishing hat from Sporting Goods to the Pet Department. Pretend to fish in the goldfish tanks. 80. Excessively use anything thing that says "Try Me". 81. Start pocketing any and all free samples. 82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins. 82. Walk up to the customer service and say "Hello, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries and a diet coke." Then go to Mc Donald's and try to return a toaster. 83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream and lice remedies are. 84. When alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". 85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure. 86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store. 87. Act suspicious and stick your arm in your jacket when leaving store. As you're walking through the doors act like you're expecting the alarms to go off. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as your can. 88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song. 89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department. 90. Put lingerie in the men's department. 91. Put super sexy women’s lingerie in old men's carts when they turn around. 92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone is trying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little attention” Then run away crying. 93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light and say "blink" each time it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized. 94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming “NO!!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t light the zippo, just hold it closed. 95. In the Garden Dept., skip through the flowers while holding your arms out and "buzzing". 96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get my shot gun”. Then walk away. 97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!!!” Then kiss him. Then slap and him and say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy. 98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that you’re a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get paid enough to do this” 99. Start singing oldies songs in the megaphone. 100. If you are a girl; Loudly perform the following skit with another friend who is also a girl. Remember to talk loudly and in girly voices; Girl 1: OMG! So Ashley here how did it go with bob here last night? I mean you... him... all alone in that big big house... WHAT HAPPENED! I absolutely HAVE to know! Girl 2: WE DID IT! I mean it took a bit of persuasion but WE DID IT! I finally got him to play checkers with me! He was really good to! Girl 1: OMG Seriously? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Repost this if you think you are going to do it! Things I've done are in bold! 1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out 100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth. Fake Ass Friends VS. Real Friends FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Always keep your stuff they borrowed in perfect condition. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask you what you number is. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will offer to pay when you have a drink. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will smile and say "Don't worry about me" when they forget their lunch money, even if you didn't offer to pay. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will automatically tell you you're beautiful when you ask if something makes you look fat. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would tell you not to get a face-lift because you already look perfect. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Tell you your zits aren't noticeable. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh with you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Encourage you not to skip school. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will glare at the guy who dumps you and say "Forget him. You're too good for him." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Crush on your older brother whom you absolutely despise. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: is someone you call to help you move REAL FRIENDS: is someone you call to help you move... a body. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this. My Mother: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. Female come backs Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: I want to give myself to you. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: Your eyes they're amazing. Man: I like your figure. Older man: "Where have you been all my life?" Someone has a LOT of free time to do this: DORMITORY: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. (don't cheat--) THE ANSWERS I swear, if you made it this far...you got NO life! Nah, I just kid. I don't think even I can make it this far, and it's MY profile! XD ~xC.I.A.x~ | |||||||
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